they’ve totally said these at some point in time

Ricky: [turns the lights off]

Gina: I think you’re cocky. Arrogant. Bossy and pushy. You also have a god complex and don’t think of anybody but yourself.

EJ: ... But—

Carlos: Paparazzo! Don’t you know taking a picture of a gay man unannounced is a hate crime?

EJ: You should send some emojis.

Gina: I'm not sending her emojis.

EJ: Do pineapple, owl, caterpillar with glasses.

Gina: What does that mean? That doesn't mean anything!

EJ: I don’t have a gay cousin.

Carlos: *silence*

Gina: Oh, Nini, you’re too beautiful to be funny. It’s not your fault, you just never had to compensate for anything.

Nini: No, no you won’t. No you won’t, because if you do that you will die.

Server: We do.

Ricky: Yeah, can I get that without the meal?

Server: ...

EJ: Me? No, I’m not gay.

Ricky: You’re not? But you just kissed me.

Nini: Ricky, go to sleep.

Nini: But I have feelings for EJ.

Ricky: But I saw you first!

Ashlyn: Oh, my God.

Kourtney: Okay, we want to hear everything. Ashlyn, get the hot cocoa. Nini, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?

Nini: Oh, it ended very well.

Ashlyn: *getting the hot cocoa* Do not start without me. Do not start without me.

Kourtney: Alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like an “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?

Nini: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then we just sort of sunk into it.

Ashlyn: Were you holding him? Or were his hands on you?

Nini: Actually, first they started on my waist. And then they slowly slid up to my shoulders.

Kourtney & Ashlyn: Ohhhhh!

[In Big Red’s basement]

Ricky: And, uh, and then I kissed her.

Red: Tongue?

Ricky: Yeah.

Seb: Wow, thank you, be right back.

Seb: [sprints away]