Incorrect Doctor Who EU

The Doctor: [Picks up an amulet, examining it] The Doctor: Is it okay to touch this? Braxiatel: It is literally the first thing I asked you not to do.

Romana: You're gonna get through this, Narvin. Nice guys don't always finish last. Narvin: ...You think I'm a nice guy?

Benny: I am only going to ask you this once, Braxiatel. And I expect a straight answer. Were you, or were you not, intending to hypnotize my ex-husband? Brax: In a way. Benny: And when were you planning on telling me? Brax: I thought maybe I wouldn't have to.

Narvin: Are you okay? Leela: I'm fine. That was... you were so... brave! Narvin: You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're stepping on my moment of manliness here. Leela: I'm sorry. I'm... just... Narvin: Surprised? Leela: ...Grateful.

Narvin: Wow. That's vandalism. Romana: It's okay. We'll take care of it later. Narvin: We should leave a note. Leela: Come on. Narvin: What's the magic word? Leela: Urgh! Narvin: I don't think 'urgh' is a magic word, if one could call it a word, and certainly not a magic one. Leela: We don't have time for this. Narvin: There's always time to be considerate of others, Leela. Leela: Oh, please. Narvin: [smiles] There. That wasn't so hard now was it?

Sarah Jane: Now you’re talking like a detective. The Doctor: I am a detective. Sarah Jane: Well, you see, the thing about detectives is, they have résumés. And business licenses. And last names. Pop stars and popes — those are the one-name guys. The Doctor: You got me. I’m a pope.

The Brigadier: I'm still going to go celebrate with a drink down in the pub. The Doctor: He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.

[The Doctor has just saved a girl while The Master watches — and narrates — from the rooftop.] Master: [as the girl, falsetto] How can I thank you, you mysterious hunk? The Master: [as The Doctor, basso] No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass, but love and a pesky granddaughter made me soft. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy. [The girl sways closer to The Doctor; he steps back, warding her off with his hands.] No, not the hair! Never the hair! The Master: [as the girl] But there must be some way I can show my appreciation. The Master: [as The Doctor] No, helping those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough! The Master: [as the girl] I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so... The Master: [as The Doctor] Ah. Say no more. Evil's still afoot ... and I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair gel that I like so much. Quickly! To the Doctor-mobile — AWAY! [The Doctor and the girl leave.] The Master: Go on. Play the big, strapping hero while you can. You have a few surprises coming your way—the Ring of Rassilon, a visit from your old pal The Master, and—oh, yeah—your gruesome, horrible death.

Thug: We do things a certain way on Legion. I keep my name out of the paper and I don't make waves. And in return I can do anything I want. Irving: Can you fly? [proceeds to kick the man out the window] ... Guess not.

Missy: It's about showing people there's still love and hope in the world. Homeless Woman: Spare change? Missy: Get a job, you lazy sow.

Theta: Thanks Brax! Why don't you just hang a big sign on the house that says "gay virgin lives here"?! Brax: I thought about it, but, eh, it's just too expensive.

Doctor: And now I am going to fuck you! Rani: ... Master: Well, this just got interesting. Susan: ... It's "fuck you up", Grandfather. Doctor: Wait, what did I say?

Brax: All it cost was a single idiot! Benny: All it cost was Jason!

Leela: Do you have elder siblings, Narvin? Narvin: You're about to say something awful, aren't you? Leela: In the Sevateem, after a family has two sons, every subsequent male-born child is slaughtered at birth as it is useless even for breeding. Narvin: ... Leela: You have the aura of a third son about you.

Ace: I heard you do a terrible owl impression. Narvin: When? Ace: Holy shit, that is bad.

Romana: What do you suggest I do? Brax: Burn the whole thing down and take a tax loss.