Usui: Kimishita, you're not going to like this, but right now Shiba here is being the mature one. Ooshiba: It's true. I'm being super mature, you big, dumb, hairy baby twat.
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Usui: Kimishita, you're not going to like this, but right now Shiba here is being the mature one. Ooshiba: It's true. I'm being super mature, you big, dumb, hairy baby twat.

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Kimishita: How do you sleep at night?
Ooshiba: On silk sheets, rolling naked in money.
Nakazawa: I shouldn’t have called you an idiot.
Kazama: Which time?
Kazama: I wonder if my teacher will remember me.
Nakazawa: You were only off school for two weeks. She still knows who you are.
Kazama: I wonder if she still has the nunchucks she took from me.
Nakazawa: She might wish she could forget.
Kurusu: Rosemary? You mean spicy pine needles?
Nitobe: Are you insinuating that regular pine needles aren’t spicy???
Kurusu: Regular pine needles are regular.
Nitobe: Not by rosemary standards.
Kurusu: …Have you eaten pine needles?
Nitobe: We’ve been friends for like four years, do you seriously have to ask if I’ve eaten pine needles or not?
Kurusu: I mean, I’m pretty sure you have, but I don’t want to assume.
Nitobe: Of course I’ve eaten pine needles. Various kinds. Singleleaf pinyon is weirdly the best.
Kurusu: Are they…spicy?
Nitobe: You know, I’d love to tell you but I’m pretty unclear about what marks the difference between “spice” and “strong-tasting plant that isn’t considered a spice”.
Kurusu: I’ll have to eat some pine needles myself then to find out.
Nitobe: Okay, but it only counts if they’re PINE needles and not just any old needle-like leaf off a tree.
Kurusu: I’m going to eat every needle-like leaf I see.
Nitobe: Please Don’t Do That.
Kurusu: Needle-Like Leaf Roulette!

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Haibara: When are you free?
Kimishita: I’m forever imprisoned in my own personal hell so I’m never truly ‘free’. But I don’t really have plans all next week except for Monday.
Hoshina: I expected better from you.
Taira: Well, that was your fault. I have nothing to do with that.
Usui: Mizuki, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room in the fridge.
Mizuki: No—no, thank you.
Haibara: Well, Usui, you did it. He’s finally full.
Kazama: Fun statistical fact: Cows are about 300 times more likely to kill you than coyotes.
Nitobe: [horrified]
Ubukata, sighing: Minor sidenote to statistical fact: If it was common for people to keep several hundred coyotes on their property and routinely chase them into a corral and handle them, this statistic would be different.
Why does everyone want to find meaning in their lives? What happened to just getting through the fucking day?
Nakazawa Katsutoshi

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Nakazawa: How old do you think I am?
Kazama: I've done speed dating, not carbon dating.
Kimishita: [bakes cookies for a bake sale]
Ooshiba: Can I have one?
Kimishita: You have to pay.
Ooshiba: I'm your teammate.
Kimishita: That's why I'm charging double.
Sayuri: I like your scarf.
Ubukata: It’s strong enough to strangle a man.
Ubukata: Okay, the first thing people do in a situation like this is panic.
Tsukushi: Well, I think I'm doing it in the right order.
Taira: You can trust me.
Himura: I have been in forests less shady than you.

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Kimishita: I've gotta admit, that moosehead towel rack goes great in the bathroom. Really goes well with the snakeskin shower curtain.
Tooru, into the camera: We're BACHELORS, baby.
Ooshiba: Am I in the wrong here?
Kimishita: Yes.
Ooshiba: Who asked you?