Francis McQueen my Beloved

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@incorrectdarksidedetectivequotes
Francis McQueen my Beloved

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Some really quick comics inspired by @incorrect-darkside-detective and @incorrectdarksidedetectivequotes
McQueen: I give up; he's impossible.
Dooley: I can’t be impossible; I exist. I think what you meant to say is, 'I give up; he’s improbable.'
McQueen: How many "get out of jail free" cards does a guy get?
Dooley: Two, duh. One in Chance, one in Community Chest.
Dooley: Remember to water my plants thrice daily, but do not speak to them or they will not shut up. Especially Jim.
McQueen: Jim's the ficus?
Dooley: He is indeed.

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McQueen: Last time I left you alone with Emily you put her in the microwave.
Dooley: She wanted to see if she'd fit. And you know what? She did!
McQueen: Are you sure this water is holy?
Dooley: Yes! I had Pastor Farrelly bless it over the phone!
McQueen: Over the phone?
Dooley: Yes.
McQueen: I don't think it works like that.
Raxa: Google "missing foot"? That was your plan?
Dooley: Well, not all of it.
Dooley: Before we get started we always like to ask a few preliminary questions. Standard stuff.
Suspect: Okay, fire away.
Dooley: Okay, um. Let's see, one: Did you kill that guy?
Dooley: And I jumped off the roof unscathed.
McQueen: You're bleeding from so many places.
Dooley:
Dooley: I’m a little bit scathed.

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McKing: When I first met you, I did not like you.
McQueen: I’m aware of that.
McKing: But then you and I had some time together.
McQueen: Uh-huh.
McKing: It did not get better.
McQueen: I'm still not convinced, Dooley. How can you be absolutely certain?
Dooley: It's relatively easy, Detective. I decided to be and therefore I am. Socrates said that.
McQueen: No, that was Descartes.
Dooley: That was the cologne we wore in high school.
McQueen: That was Drakkar Noir.
Dooley: No, that's a wine.
McQueen: That's pinot noir.
McQueen: We didn't do anything wrong; we didn't break any laws. Oh, no! Oh, no! What-- What did you do, Dooley?
Dooley: Nothing. It's just that laws keep changing. It's getting very challenging to keep up with them all. For example, did you know that it is now illegal to give a possum a perm?
Dooley: You can talk all you want, but facts and logic will win out this time.
McQueen: Facts and logic are in the corner of the guy who thinks he's going to get his face melted off?
McQueen: That rock is sprayed with arterial red!
Dooley: Maybe it's roadkill. Taste it.
McQueen: What is up with that? Every time I cut myself you were like "taste it, lick it, it'll make it feel better."
Dooley: It will. Taste it.
McQueen: It's not my blood!

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Dooley: First the stick, then the carrot.
McQueen: You don't even know what that means.
Dooley: Leave me alone.
McQueen: We find the mystery lover, we find her.
Dooley: Why don’t I ever get to say things like that?