Incorrect Seafam Quotes

Tyson: Me and Percy freed them! Fish are friends, not food!

Poseidon:

Percy: Dad, they all sounded really scared and miserable. It didn't feel right.

Poseidon, distraught: But that was my dinner! I was looking forward to those fish - I spend thousands of years inter-breeding fish species to get the most tasty species-

Amphitrite, patting Poseidon's arm half an hour later: It's alright husband. You won't starve. You can have some of my seaweed-crab salad.

Poseidon: But my dinner! Thousands of years of work! Gone!

Tyson & Percy: We're sorry.

Poseidon:

Percy: Uh... dad said to make myself at home? I'm sorry, it was rude to leave a mess. I'll go clean it up-

Amphitrite, tearing up: You think of Atlantis as home? No - no leave it! It's fine. Just stay here, your father is going to be so pleased. I should bake cookies for the occasion!

Poseidon: No.

Kymopoleia: *silently nudges Percy*

Percy: Dad, can I borrow the trident?

Poseidon: Sure! What do you need it for?

Percy, aside: Uhh... what do you need it for?

Kymopoleia, aside: For the revenge and destruction on humanity and the sky gods and the other ocean gods and-

Percy:

Percy: Actually, you know what dad? I don't need the trident anymore.

Poseidon: I knew I could count on you to be reasonable!

Percy: What if I said I needed to get revenge on someone?

Poseidon: With your moral standards Percy, I know whoever invoked your wrath has it coming. I'd grab some popcorn and a camera and cheer you on.

Kymopoleia: Hey! What about me? The favoritism is real.

Triton: Why?

Kymopoleia: To stop a son of Poseidon from drowning in his own domain! Haha.

Triton:

Percy: I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to but Kym-

Poseidon: Stop, I've heard enough. Just... get home safe and give me the rest of the day to deal with this. You're not in trouble.

Percy: You're not mad?

Poseidon: With you, my favourite child? Never.

Poseidon, turning to Kymopoleia: As for you-

Kymopoleia: Hey! The strongest demigod son you've ever had didn't think he was that powerful! How else was I going to show him otherwise!

Poseidon: By ANY OTHER WAY THAN SETTING OFF VOLCANOES!

Kymopoleia:

Kymopoleia: Alright, sorry. Next time we'll do earthquakes! How's California looking?

Triton, sarcastically: Little brother, you are quiet literally made of salt and surrounded by it.

Percy, dryly: Hahaha. I meant processed salt for french fries.

Triton: What, you can't convert it yourself? Oh wait - that's right, you can't because you turned down godhood-

Percy: I had a good reason! Many good reasons, actually-

Poseidon, looking distraught: Many?!

Kymopoleia: -Yeah, and how did that work out for you?

Poseidon, aside to Amphitrite: Excuse me, I need to re-evaluate and update my 165 step plan to convince Percy to ascend or accept immortality.

Tyson: It's show and tell day! She was curious and she's really pretty and I wanted to show all the other kids-

Percy: I don't think the other kids will be able to see Rainbow through the mist.

Amphitrite: Tyson, sweetie, Rainbow belongs in the ocean.

Tyson: Alright, I'm sorry. I'll bring her back.

Percy: Although... maybe we could make a pit stop at camp half blood and show the campers? It's on the way to the ocean. The Aphrodite kids would love her scales and I Beckendorf would be interested in the tank you built her.

Amphitrite: A wonderful idea, Percy.

Percy: Uhh...

Poseidon: What is it? I promise I won't be mad.

Percy: Tyson is trying it on in your room.

Tyson: I was just trying to see what it felt like! It's really shiny and pretty and it looks lightweight but I know all that gold is heavy and I can tell that you have a spell on it but I can't tell what because we didn't learn about it in cyclops school yet-

Percy, quickly taking the crown off: Uh-

Poseidon: *pulls out is 165 step plan to get Percy to accept godhood or ascend and starts editing*

Poseidon: No no, keep it on. That one is a bit too big for you, but I can made one your size made. Gold or sterling silver?

Percy:

Poseidon: What am I saying? Gold of course-

Percy: Dad, I don't want to be a god. I also don't want to be your general or fight in wars - I'm tired. I'm retired. I just want to chill with my sea family and be your son.

Poseidon: And that's why you snuck into my room and tried on my crown?

Percy: ... I was waiting in your room to tell you goodnight and it caught my eye?

Poseidon, breaking the cuffs: Trouble with Zeus? Are you okay? Did he hurt you? Triton why didn't you tell me earlier! I swear if he hurt a hair on your head there will be war-

Percy: I'm fine! Please do not start another war. Two is more than enough.

Poseidon: Hmpf. What nonsense is he accusing you of now? I will prove your innocence, don't worry.

Triton: Several counts of breaking and entering, mischief and mayhem, minor property damage and resisting arrest.

Poseidon: For fuck's sake, my idiot brother-

Triton: No, he did it.

Poseidon:

Poseidon: What? Percy?

Percy: Yeah I did it. Bessie was depressed and feeling lonely - did you know they have her in that tank all alone? She's a social creature! It's animal cruelty! So I broke in to spend sometime with her. It took Zeus about five hours to notice I broke into her tank. Olympus's security is shit.

Triton: Olympus's security is literally the best in the entire world-

Percy: I'm sorry, dad. Are you disappointed?

Kymopoleia: I wanted to feel what its like to be dad's favourite for a day.

Percy:

Percy, touching Kym's shoulder: Look. The favoritism is really unfair of him, and its not fair to you and Triton and Tyson. I'll speak to him about it-

Kymopoleia: -and I just demolished a shoreline wearing your shirt so everyone thinks you did it!

Percy, shaking with anger: Oh, you- you-

Percy, covered in soap bubbles: Because you haven't dealt with the deepwater horizon oil leak of 2010 and it's messing up the entire marine biome!

Poseidon: Percy, I need to use my bathtub.

Percy: And your sea creatures need a clean ocean to live in! They're dying out there! You can have your tub back when all the oil is gone.

Poseidon, glares:

Percy, continues scrubbing at the squid without turning around:

Percy: No! The lionfish are an invasive species - they're eating out all the native fish and destroying the ecosystem. But they don't have any predators so their population just keeps growing and growing and I don't know what to do! I can't just kill them or kick them out - it's not their fault some shitty human aquarium owner tossed them into the ocean.

Poseidon: Percy, managing the sea life isn't your job. You don't have to-

Percy: You don't have a god to deal with this! No one else cares - the rest of you are busy rebuilding Atlantis. If I don't deal with this no-one else will!

Poseidon:

Poseidon, pulling out his 165 step plan to get Percy to accept godhood or ascend: Do you want to be the god of managing lionfish-

Poseidon, pulling Amphitrite into a hidden corner: Shhh! Watch.

Tyson: Alright crabbies, I know you're wondering why we brought all of you here-

Percy, pulling out a whiteboard: And its to teach you guys how to find good shells! I know finding traditional shells is really hard and there's a lot of plastic in the ocean right now, but not all of it is strong enough.

Tyson: Where gonna teach you guys how to tell if your new potential shells are good enough!

Amphitrite: ... my hermit crabs are wearing plastic shells?

Percy: We did!

Tyson: We made you a necklase!

Amphitrite, staring at the necklace that's as all at Atlantis: That's... very nice, boys. Thanks you.

Tyson: We weren't sure how tall you are in your trueform so we figure the longer the better!

Percy: And if it was too long you could just loop it a couple times? I think we got carried away though...

Poseidon: I'm grateful that she saved you, son, but the answer is no. We've been over this; she will eat all of my people, all of my minor gods and all of my children - including Kym and Triton.

Percy: Okay, okay BUT Kym and Triton are gods! Really annoying ones. You could just rescue them afterward, right? And they'd be fine? You were fine after Kronos ate you and Zeus made him throw you up!

Poseidon:

Poseidon: She would eat Tyson too.