mixed and lovely dreams

I only follow back freaks and creatures of the night. I’m sure you understand

unrestrained summer fun

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

scientists are trying to discover something harder than getting out of bed to go to work in the morning. and dont make a fucking penis joke ok they already checked everyone’s dick and it doesn’t even come close

Imagine if people got English tattoos the way they get tattoos of Japanese characters. you see someone at the local swimming pool and they've got Only Gosh Can Chunch Me written on their chest

dead tired today so I grabbed a coffee from the gas station & the guy greeted me by trying to say “is that everything “ but fumbled and said “e ga thebythin” and me trying to say “yeah” or “yup” just went “YIP!” in response. No survivors

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

i love that whenever peter capaldi talks about matt smith he says “he was just so kind to me and he gave me his watch and said you’re the doctor now and it meant so much to me.” and from matt’s pov he was like “i panicked and gave him my watch i don’t know why”

turns out i am gay

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

he was a llama

A llama? He’s supposed to be DEAD!

there’s a friday ass vibe about this wednesday boys keep your wits about you

Crazy to think that seagulls existed before french fries.

Medieval seagull struggling to fly away with an entire purloined potatoe