Fat Whore

feeling your body jiggle as you walk

looking bad in photos because of your fat cheeks and double chin

having your jeans get threadbare around your thighs

sitting down and having a massive gut that you can’t hide

not wanting to pull your hair back because it makes your face look fatter

being weighed at the doctor

seeing someone attractive and remembering that nobody will ever want your fat ass

trying to hide the fact that you’re breathing heavily

never being able to pull off any fashion style

being embarrassed to eat in front of people

feeling limited because you’re afraid to wear any clothing aside from baggy hoodies

being the fat friend

being the fat family member

being the fattest in the room

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

Some kings to get you going.

Goal weight: 12st - 40lbs to go!

Bust: 45inches

Waist: 37inches

Hips: 42inches

Bust: 43inches

Waist: 36inches

Hips: 40inches

Saddlebags: 45inches

This week:

Got my act together again, only did 16:8 IF, watched the calories but did have one 2000cal day.

204lbs

Bust: 43 inches

Waist: 35 inches

Hips: 40 inches

Saddlebags: 45 inches