Believe in Me

I don’t think I’m coming back here. If I ever do it won’t be here like this. I don’t know but I just can’t see myself returning.

When I started writing Tink, I was a year out of high school and admittedly I was really in a rough place. I didn’t have many friends and felt really isolated from my real life. I struggled for years irl to feel like anything I was doing mattered or like I even had a future after college. I feel like I was being crushed under the weight of my own lack of an existence. I felt like a ghost that could’ve vanished and nobody really would’ve noticed. I remember a conversation with my dad where he told me that he didn’t think I’d ever even go to university because I’d fallen into such a hole. But it was that day that I decided I couldn’t be in that rut anymore. It was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done but within the following few weeks I’d applied to university and prayed that I could prove him wrong. I did and that was probably the beginning of the end for me here, three years ago.

I got to university and I made friends and for the first time in my life I feel…good? Like, in my brain? Sure I still obviously have depression and my anxiety is never gonna fuckin go away but I am finally in control. That feeling has been such a weight off my shoulders. I have group(s) of friends, I’m busy all the time and when I write it’s because I’m so genuinely full of muse and excitement that it happens in an organic way that it really hasn’t in a number of years now. If I’m being honest, a lot of my writing here for a number of years has been peppered with anxiety about maintaining a constant reputation, doing everything just so so that nobody can ever be mad at me and when I fuck up, it stays as far back in the background as I can keep it. I can’t live like that, nor do I want to. I have like…real shit to worry about. I finally feel like I can be me in a way that I don’t think I ever have been in my entire life. I have friends that respect I need my downtime but always extend the invitation anyways and it’s helped me to actually get out more. I’ve had to become self sufficient and it took a lot of help but I got there eventually with help from a new therapist I got when I got to school.

Tumblr has a place in my life and in shaping who I have become today and that’s not something I regret. I don’t know if I’d be here to say goodbye if it weren’t for the friends that I’ve made since I got here. They of course, need no mention because they know who they are. I hope to keep in touch with a lot of people after this gets posted, everybody here still means so much to me. I’m not always the best at communicating but it’s never for a lack of missing the people I care about most. Tumblr kept me on this planet long enough to get me out the other side of this ugly tunnel. Maybe it will again someday, maybe it won’t. But I finally feel like I am moving forward and that’s good enough for now.

At the risk of being sappy, thanks for sticking around if you read this and thank you even more if you’ve been following me the last 6 years. I wish you all the best, even the people that I no longer speak to for better or worse. I still rp off tumblr and my discord is posted here if you ever want to drop a line. Tink is still around too, and every other character I’ve ever written since I got here. I also still have a personal I’m down to pass around on request, it’s kind of a mesh of whatever I’m watching and it’s a tagless mess so request at your own risk.

Anyways, this is goodbye. Thanks tumblr, you stupid terrible website.

I don’t think I’m coming back here. If I ever do it won’t be here like this. I don’t know but I just can’t see myself returning.

When I started writing Tink, I was a year out of high school and admittedly I was really in a rough place. I didn’t have many friends and felt really isolated from my real life. I struggled for years irl to feel like anything I was doing mattered or like I even had a future after college. I feel like I was being crushed under the weight of my own lack of an existence. I felt like a ghost that could’ve vanished and nobody really would’ve noticed. I remember a conversation with my dad where he told me that he didn’t think I’d ever even go to university because I’d fallen into such a hole. But it was that day that I decided I couldn’t be in that rut anymore. It was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done but within the following few weeks I’d applied to university and prayed that I could prove him wrong. I did and that was probably the beginning of the end for me here, three years ago.

I got to university and I made friends and for the first time in my life I feel…good? Like, in my brain? Sure I still obviously have depression and my anxiety is never gonna fuckin go away but I am finally in control. That feeling has been such a weight off my shoulders. I have group(s) of friends, I’m busy all the time and when I write it’s because I’m so genuinely full of muse and excitement that it happens in an organic way that it really hasn’t in a number of years now. If I’m being honest, a lot of my writing here for a number of years has been peppered with anxiety about maintaining a constant reputation, doing everything just so so that nobody can ever be mad at me and when I fuck up, it stays as far back in the background as I can keep it. I can’t live like that, nor do I want to. I have like…real shit to worry about. I finally feel like I can be me in a way that I don’t think I ever have been in my entire life. I have friends that respect I need my downtime but always extend the invitation anyways and it’s helped me to actually get out more. I’ve had to become self sufficient and it took a lot of help but I got there eventually with help from a new therapist I got when I got to school.

Tumblr has a place in my life and in shaping who I have become today and that’s not something I regret. I don’t know if I’d be here to say goodbye if it weren’t for the friends that I’ve made since I got here. They of course, need no mention because they know who they are. I hope to keep in touch with a lot of people after this gets posted, everybody here still means so much to me. I’m not always the best at communicating but it’s never for a lack of missing the people I care about most. Tumblr kept me on this planet long enough to get me out the other side of this ugly tunnel. Maybe it will again someday, maybe it won’t. But I finally feel like I am moving forward and that’s good enough for now.

At the risk of being sappy, thanks for sticking around if you read this and thank you even more if you’ve been following me the last 6 years. I wish you all the best, even the people that I no longer speak to for better or worse. I still rp off tumblr and my discord is posted here if you ever want to drop a line. Tink is still around too, and every other character I’ve ever written since I got here. I also still have a personal I’m down to pass around on request, it’s kind of a mesh of whatever I’m watching and it’s a tagless mess so request at your own risk.

Anyways, this is goodbye. Thanks tumblr, you stupid terrible website.

If you would like to add my discord I am more than happy to write over there, in fact at this point I prefer it.

If you would like to add my discord I am more than happy to write over there, in fact at this point I prefer it.

If you would like to add my discord I am more than happy to write over there, in fact at this point I prefer it.