Paaran

Shin Hakyun appears in Director Lee Hae-young’s sex-fantasy film Festival as a macho man who is preoccupied by size. In order to surprise this quiet, bashful actor who only opens his mouth on screen, I threw at him some mischievous questions filled with sexual innuendos. 

Now, the readers won’t be interested in your serious narrative. So let’s pretend that this interview is one big sex joke, and play a game. 

Ah… Okay, hehehe (he sounds like he doesn’t understand).

Do you think all directors are perverts?

Us filmmakers, we all have perverted tendencies. We just live quietly without showing them.

Live without showing… So you admit that you have perverted tendencies. 

I don’t know. But I’m certain that those tendencies are provoked by the directors.

Actors occasionally seem to feel pleasure by swinging a whip or shooting semen all over the place on screen. You attempted a threesome in Thirst, right? I do think it’s heartbreaking that you had your wife taken from you by a vampire, but wickedly, you were lying in between Song Kangho and Kim Okbin.

They were tangled up in each other’s pleasure and ended up killing me before finally having sex, and I involuntarily found myself on the bed between them. It wasn’t my intention.

Hm hm, are you prepared to speak about the filthy desire sitting in your heart at any moment?

No. Expelling that filthy desire through acting is enough.

What do you think about the comedic expulsion in Joint Security Area and Save the Green Planet?

You’re talking about older things. They are merely victims. They are abnormal people who were driven to insanity by society.

Do you act for communication or pleasure?

Communication 6, pleasure 4. I’m not good at communicating. I was born that way. I wasn't able to tell my stories since childhood.

So you’re very repressed.

Is it a problem that I don’t have much to say? I’m saying that I have a big desire to communicate, but I don’t want to express that through speech.

I understand. But we all have to say something. That’s how interviews work. Should we talk about the center of acting-based pleasure? Is it the mouth? Hands? Ears? Chest?

The brain. The brain becomes very sensitive… and the cells roar, I don’t know how to describe it.

Try your hardest to think about what to say.

So… This is… Just, it’s like that. It definitely feels like something is being relieved…

Let’s say it’s the feeling of ejaculating. Then what about size?

Size?

A man’s size.

In Festival, this guy is a macho cop who has no hopes or plans for the future. We don’t know if he says he’s big because his genitals are actually big, or if he’s actually not that big but is lying instead. Like most men do.

How about you?

Me? I don’t think size and confidence are directly proportional. Saying that makes me feel smaller for some reason.

Oh! You don’t feel like someone who's small. So you don’t need a Na Hoon-A-esque performance. But are sexual confidence and sexual jokes directly proportional to each other?

I tend to only listen.

Are you saying you’ve never told a sex joke before?

There are many times I don’t talk at all in any situation.

Have you read erotic novels? Ones like Let’s Go! To the Rose Inn by Ma Kwang-soo, Try Lying to Me by Jang Jung-il, The Road to the Racetrack by Ha Il-ji. 

I like classic novels. I’ve been re-reading The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky and King Lear and Othello by Shakespeare.

I expect nothing less. You starred in this movie with Oh Dalsoo, Sung Dongil and Ryu Seungbeom. Their sexual tendencies are also diverse. Sung Dongil prepares a whip and handcuffs and waits to be dominated, Ryu Seungbeom who loves dolls more than women, fairy Oh Dalsoo who wears laces and moves around gently…

I’m so jealous of those actors. They’re really funny if you see them on set. They act and talk freely. But compared to Oh Dalsoo, I’m a talker.

I know that Shin Hakyun and Oh Dalsoo fall in a similar category. In comparison to Sung Dongil and Ryu Seungbeom who are always hopping about, you two are pure, silent, and internal perverts. How was it with Won Bin, who you filmed My Brother with?

That guy talks less than me. He’s really quiet, to the point where I’m curious [about him]. I heard he likes games, but… when compared to him, I think I would have to keep from talking more.

Oh, but not now! How much do you consider women’s feelings?

Women’s feelings? I’m happy when the other person is happy. I work hard to satisfy the woman. Depending on the situation, I would use various actions and techniques.

How would you feel if you found your lover’s vibrator?

In the movie, I see it in secret and pretend not to know. I’m an unconfident person who even failed his examination for promotion, so size matters more to him, and thus he is hurt by his lover owning a vibrator.

I read Park Min-gyu’s novel recently and it had a similar story. A car salesperson returned home and asked for a meal, and his wife asked “Haven’t you eaten yet?” which made him go ballistic and cause a scene in their house. At that moment, he finds a vibrator in their closet. His mind goes blank and he runs away from home, sailing off to the moon.

I understand. But sexual capability isn’t too important to me, so I think I would be fascinated by the vibrator. [I would ask] Where did you get this? Do you normally use it? Is it good? I would respect it as it’s a form of play that doesn’t pertain to the man’s abilities.

Are you closer to a sadist or a masochist?

I despise getting hit, and I also hate hitting the other person because they wouldn’t enjoy it.

Do you have masochistic tendencies when you work? In Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, I heard you were beaten by Song Kangho so much that you had bruises all over your body, but you didn’t scream once.

There is a side of me that exudes newfound energy when I’m exhausted and abused.

Sexually, what do you think is between the rebellious teenage phase and the greasy old person phase?

There would be the youth who freely enjoys everything and the middle-aged person who is filled with fantasies.

Which one do you fall under?

I don’t know, I’m not sure where I would fit in. Regardless, I’m healthy. Hehe.

What would you say to all the withered virgin men and women?

I don’t even get to meet any of them.

What if they came to you for advice/counseling?

So? What do you want me to do? That’s your problem.

As a reporter, I have no choice but to invade the actor’s private life. We are pitiful torturers. You understand, right?

Yes, I know. I’m sorry I can’t be a fiery sacrifice for you.

I heard you drink alone for more than half of each year?

I drink every day. I like feeling intoxicated. I considered brewing alcohol on my own if I didn't act.

When are you most bored?

I’m most bored after finishing a project when I’m waiting without any future plans. I’m also bored when I have to drink on the set while waiting, without the presence of my character.

How did you feel when you first watched Like a Virgin, Director Lee Hae-young’s first installment of his sexual fantasy work?

It was touching. It was cute to see young Ryu Deokhwan crossdressing in a Chinese-style dress and applying lipstick. Also the scene where the father looks down at his son while riding an excavator.

What would you say if the actual Madonna entered this room, completely nude?

Please leave! I’m scared. You’re not my type. I like round women.

Have you ever pictured yourself wanting to slap Marilyn Monroe’s buttocks?

What buttocks? I do want to have a drink with her. Even though we wouldn’t be able to understand each other and there would be no need to talk in the first place.

If you had to act as either a priest or a monk who is facing some sexual challenge, who would you pick?

Song Kangho hyung played a priest in Thirst. The monk role would be more fun. It would be the Buddhist version of Thirst, called Did You See?... (T/N: “Did you see” in Korean is pronounced “Bwat-ji,” which sounds similar to Thirst’s Korean title “Bak-jwi.”)

Oh! You told a joke for the first time.

You’re asking troubling questions so I can’t be serious. Try asking this question to other actors. They’ll all be good at [answering]. I can’t talk or sing and I freeze whenever I even see a studio camera. I’ve had no reason to train for this type of conversation, either.

Try playing on the boundary between jokes and serious talk. Let’s make the claim that, for instance, Lindsay Lohan wants to have a threesome with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and 45 minutes later, she will announce her marriage to Brandon Flowers of the band The Killers.

I’d do anything if it’s for acting in a film…

What do you mean by that?

I could act as a gay or transgender character, or I could run around the Myeongdong streets while naked.

That’s not a scene I would particularly want to see. If only one film could remain in this world, what should it be?

Wealth and honor, hehe. (T/N: Term for “wealth and honor” in Korean is pronounced “bu-gwi-yeong-hwa” and the word for “movie” in Korean is “yeong-hwa.” Shin Hakyun was making a pun based with the last two letters/syllables of the first word, which overlap with the word for “movie.”)

You keep smiling/laughing only.

Smiling is my habit. In school, I was friends with everyone. Smart kids, carefree kids, kids who always fought. They were all nice to me, and that was because I always smiled without saying anything. Since then, smiling has become a habit.

So smiling was your version of camouflage. It is a bit sad for being the origin story of a million-dollar smile.

Hehehe.

What pose would you do if you were chosen as the cover model of Playboy?

I would show my back. I’m not confident about my front. My butt appears in this film Festival as well. It is a shame that I had to look oily and plump due to my character being a lazy drunk.

When does the orgasm of acting come around in this film?

This movie begins with a scene where I ejaculate.

Ejaculation, right off the bat?

Haha.

Lastly, please say a word for all the pitiful audience members of this generation who are struggling with sexlessness and frigidity.

I think frigidity has more to do with mental factors rather than physical… But I don’t have that, so… I’d only know if I’ve experienced it… I’m not even a doctor, what should I say? Anyway, I’m healthy when it comes to sex. I’m not indifferent. I’m sure of that.