smau world.

But you’ve had almost two weeks now to get used to this new reflection. Your hair is different, your clothes are different, even your skin feels different. And once your eyes meet your reflection you feel different. Your face is different yet it is still the same. Yes, it’s the same. But it has nine years sticking to it. And that might take more than just a couple of weeks to get totally accustomed to.

Imagine you are 24 years old and when you wake up you are in a hospital bed with doctors questioning you with no mercy. And imagine that you take note of everyone’s paling faces when you tell them you are 24 and the year is 2014. And imagine the feeling of your heart dropping into the most empty stomach when your parents walk into the room and they don’t look how you remember. Gray hair and fine wrinkles that have become more and more prominent.

And imagine your bright, doe eyed best friend comes into the room as well and he becomes more evidence for you to question your reality. His once long, wavy hair is chopped into a short cut and his face looks thin and his eyes look weary. Imagine being told the year is 2023 and you are actually 33 years old.

Well, you don’t have to imagine. This is your reality.

That’s right. Naturally, your first thought was that something happened to you when you were 24 and you’re now just waking up. The heartache of missing an entire nine years of your life feels pitiful. But it turns out you have only been in a coma for three months. And you did live those nine years…you just don’t remember them.

33 but your soul is 24. 33 but you don’t even know how you celebrated being a ‘quarter’ for your 25thbirthday. 33 but you don’t even have the memory of mourning your 20’s once you turned 30. 33 but you don’t even remember undoubtedly crying about the first gray hair on top of your head. 33 but you are 24. 

Every little thing about you slips through the cracks and crevices of your brain, a whole nine years of your life somehow lost inside this electric goo. You stare into the mirror and wonder about who you are now. The doctors are cautious with how much information your poor little traumatized brain receives and it’s relieving but also annoying. You imagine how overwhelming it could be to get told about nine years of your life that you have zero clue about. Would anything even sound real? But you’re also so curious.

“Alright, miss y/n.” One of the doctors, Dr. Lee, that has been working with you comes inside the room. “We just have a few more exams today and then you are free to do what you’d like.”

“You mean in the comfort of this hospital room?” You shut the compact mirror closed and toss a glance at the doctor, “If I was really free, you’d let me go home.”

“Let you go home? But then I would be so bored miss y/n.” He chuckles, coming next to you. His fingers fiddle with the IV in your arm before resting a clipboard against his chest as he writes on it. “You are keeping the other doctors and I so busy.”

“Oh really?” You narrow your eyes at him while you try to keep a playful smirk at bay. “I asked one of the nurses for some spicy chips and she totally forgot. Never got my chips!” 

“Well, according to your charts, last year you dealt with some pretty bad gastritis. Spicy chips might be your end.”

“Damn, they weren’t kidding…” You laugh to yourself before leaning your head back onto the hospital pillow. “It’s all downhill after you turn 30, huh?” 

“Hey,” Dr. Lee lift his eyes to you, his pen still working against the paper. “I’m almost 50 and my life is fantastic. You just need to eat right and exercise and you’ll—”

“—That’s fantastic? God, I could eat 3 bags of spicy chips in a row, drink an entire case of beer and somehow eat some cakes right after and I never got sick. You’re saying I can’t even eat one bag of chips now without my body complaining?” 

Dr. Lee chuckles, his head shaking as he finishes writing on the clipboard. “I’m not saying you couldn’t. I’m just saying things might be different now.”

You blow out a puff of air as you open the compact mirror again and you steal a glance at your reflection, “Yeah, no kidding.” 

“Plus, I’ve been working with your parents to get your discharge ready.” Dr. Lee sets his clipboard down and he smiles. “It seems they’ve worked out a plan with your friend, Jungkook. My guess is another day or two so bear with me miss y/n.”

“Day or two?” You groan while a smile tugs at your lips. “Why not today?”

“Because today you still have examinations!” 

“Anyway, where are my parents and Jungkook? Still at lunch?”

“No, no.” Dr. Lee shakes his head, “I believe your parents came back already but your friend had some things to do. But he did tell me to tell you he will see you later before visiting hours are over.” 

“Liar.” You scoff to yourself, “He says things to do but I bet you he’s just going home to take a nap after eating.” 

Dr. Lee tries not to frown but his lips betray him. “Well, I wouldn’t be against him getting some extra rest.” He tells you, “He has been here every single day since your accident and I’m not sure he slept very much.” And then Dr. Lee clears his throat and motions for you to get up from the bed and into the wheelchair he brought. “Anyway, let’s head to another room for your first exam. Your parents will be around when we are all done.” 

“Okay, okay.” You smile at the doctor, “Also, you know I can walk, right?”

“Ah, but this is more fun.”

~

“Can’t believe just one more day and I am out of this prison!” You yawn out as you stretch your arms over your head. “Longest two weeks of my life.”

Your mom sighs out with the roll of her eyes, “It’s been more than two weeks for the rest of us. This is nothing.” She then smiles, her hand going to your shoulder. “Anyway, it’s your last night in this hospital bed. We can celebrate?”

“Celebrate? Leaving this amazing bed?” You show her a half smile. “I am going to miss it.” You tell her sarcastically but she joins in. Where do you think you learned it from?

“I bet you are.” She nods enthusiastically. “What are these sheets? At least 600 thread count?”

“I think they’re even temperature regulated.” You glance down, your fingers spreading over the very obvious cheap cotton. “You think they’ll notice if I steal them?”

“Well,” Your mother looks over at your father who just shakes his head with a quiet chuckle. “We won’t tell on you.” She looks back at you and winks.

“Wow,” You widen your eyes at your mother and father, “Who knew my parents were such ride or dies?”

“I don’t know what that means.” You father speaks up, peeking over his book. “Does this mean we would die for you?”

“Basically.” You shrug, “You’d stick by my side no matter what.” Then you whisper dramatically, “Even when I commit crime.”

“Well, you’d be horrible at committing crime and getting away with it. Do you even notice when you have witnesses?” Your mother tilts her head towards the nurse who is just on your other side, messing with one of the machines that is connected to you.

“Ah dang.” You look at the nurse who is stifling her own laughter and say, “That is unfortunate.” 

“Don’t worry, you’ve been a favorite patient of ours.” Nurse Choi’s eyes fall to you, they’re kind yet playful. “I won’t tell either.”

“Wow.” You nod at her, impressed.

“Speaking of not telling,” Nurse Choi walks across the room and digs into a basket she brought in with her before she is pulling something out. “If you tell Dr. Lee I gave you these…” She walks back towards you when your eyes go wide in pleasant surprise when you spot the bag of spicy chips. 

“On my last day!” You reach for the chips, “I guess I can properly celebrate my last night in this prison.” Then you whip your head in your parent’s direction. “See? This is an example of a ride or die.” 

“Someone just has to sneak you some chips and you think you’re bonded for life or what?” Your mom cocks a brow at you, “I’m your mother! I am the most ride or die there is.”

“Did you sneak me chips?”

“Well, no—”

“—Mom or not…” You cut her off with a grin, “You failed your only daughter.”

“I’m sure your two sisters would love to hear that coming from you.” Your mom conceals a smile, trying her best not to crack and laugh. 

“Well, my two sisters and I haven’t spoken since I was 18 so…and according to you that hasn’t changed in the last nine years.”

Your father clears his throat, clearly feeling uncomfortable. “Anyway, sweetheart, why don’t we do something fun? Want to play a game? Watch a movie?”

“Why don’t we wait for Jungkook?” You lean back onto the bed, eyes going to your fingers as you inspect your cuticles. “He fell asleep yesterday and didn’t come in time for visiting hours.” 

“I’m glad he’s gotten some rest.” Your mom takes a deep breath. “I’ve been so worried for him, you know?” She asks this in your father’s direction. He only frowns in response. 

You feel the slight pang of guilt hit your chest, like someone is knocking against your ribcage from the inside. Jungkook, your best friend since the first week of college. That isn’t where you two met but it’s where you two finally became friends. He has been your best friend for the last six years—well, fifteen years—but nine of those years are lost on you.

“I know it hasn’t been easy on any of you…” You mumble quietly, “I’m sorry for all of this…”

“Honey, what are you doing?” Your mom’s voice is soft enough to know she feels for you but on the edge of scolding to where you know she’s serious. “The accident was not your fault. Just some asshole hit and run.” 

“Yeah but you guys had to deal with all the stress while I slept like a baby.” You try to lighten the mood with a harmless joke but your mom’s expression twists.

“Of course it hasn’t been easy. It still isn’t.” She admits, “But—”

“—But,” You father cuts in, voice soft while your mom looks at him gratefully. “What matters is that you’ve woken up. And you’re here. The rest is something we can work through…your memories will return with time but we can’t rush it…the doctor says you could get overwhelmed.”

“I know.” You sigh out, “But okay, tell me again, some of the things I want to know?”

Your parents glance at the nurse who gives an unsure smile and small nod to her head.

“Which are?” Your mom looks at you again.

“Okay, so I am working woman.” You begin counting on your fingers, “I am not married. I’m still friends with Misuk and Subin. Do I at least have a boyfriend?” You put your hand down. “Oh and I live in a house now. Wow, so adult.” 

Your mom stares at you, the expression in her eyes betray her trying smile. “All correct. You work from home though…but they aren’t expecting you to come back for some time.”

“I still cannot believe I work from home!” You suddenly smile, “That means I never have to get out of my pajamas.”

Your mom continues to stare, eyes still betraying the smile that continues to grow on her face. She looks conflicted. Another pang out guilt hits your chest. You’ve come to pick up on this specific expression…your dad has also shown you it and Jungkook has too. The expression that screams how sad they are but their smiles hold their joy.

“You okay?” You reach for your moms hand and she releases a shaky breath.

“Yes,” She shakes her head as she tries to clear her throat and show you another smile. “It’s just…you said the exact same thing a few years ago when you started working from home. Truth be told, you weren’t excited to be home all the time but you looked at the positive,” She chuckles now, “That you could wear your pajamas while working.”

“…I did?” You blink at her. Absolutely no recollection. And you know she sees the emptiness behind your eyes. “How old was I when I started working from home?”

“Uh,” Your mom looks down at her lap, her throat feeling a slight burn but she ignores it. “Oh when was it?” She wonders to herself.

“I believe you were 28.” Your father answers. He finally closes his book and sets it down to your bed. “Eh, you know us old people can’t remember every little detail.”

“Hey!” You grin at your parents as you try to lighten the mood again. “I’m the one who is supposed to have memory problems!”

Both of your parents crack a smile, “Well, that’s why you have Jungkook.” Your mom’s smile finally looks real again. “The doctor says since he is the person you’ve spent the most time with that he is probably the one who could trigger a lot of memories naturally.” 

“Well,” You lean against the hospital pillow again, “He does know me the best.”

“He does.” Your father agrees, “He’s always been a good guy and even when we couldn’t be here…he was. Every single day he came and stayed with you during your coma.”

“I know, I know.” You don’t mean to have an edge to your voice. “I feel bad about it. Obviously.”

“y/n…” Your mom’s voice is back to scolding. “You should feel blessed that you have people in your life who would do that for you.”

“I know.” You say a bit more softly this time. “How blessed am I though? I don’t even know—”

“—Why does it matter?” Your mom cuts in, cold. “You’re alive. My prayers have been answered.”

“Well, why don’t you pray that I suddenly get my memories back?”

“Maybe God intended for it—”

“—Oh please.” You say dryly. “Right, because this is the better life.”

Your mom stares at you, no smile for her sad eyes to betray. She finally tears her eyes off of you to glance at your father who offers her some sort of comforting smile. You feel the pang of guilt again. You know this has been hard on everyone but damn, you think it’s you who deserves the ‘comfort smile’.

“Anyway,” You tilt your head up towards the ceiling, eyes closed. “I think—Ow! Fuck!” You suddenly yelp when you open your eyes and the lights on the ceiling are blaring down into your eyes. You’re quick to shield your face with your hands. You forgot how sensitive you are to light now thanks to all the head trauma. 

Your mom stands just as quick, her hands on your cheeks, thumb brushing against your cheekbones. “You okay? y/n?” She sounds worried.

“I’m…I’m fine…” You lower your head again, eyes still closed as you continue to shield your face. “Sorry for cussing. I just—”

Your mother snorts to herself, “You’re 33, y/n.” 

“Oh yeah.” You laugh bitterly, “Guess so.” 

Your mom continues to stroke your skin with her thumbs, worried eyes staying on you. Your father is also gripping your ankle from over the hospital blanket. “You guys don’t need to baby me.” You finally open your eyes again, the sensitivity finally easing.

“Let us.” Your father offers a weak smile. 

“Yeah.” Your mom uses the back of her hand to barely skid over your cheek. Then she sits again. “You’ve really grown up on us and I haven’t been able to baby you in years…so let us.”

You soften at their admission. You assume she’s right. You’re technically all grown up now. Your parent’s don’t even live in Seoul but in Busan. And they’ve paused their lives to be here for you but so has—

“—Hey.” 

And just like magic, the same feeling that has drowned you for the past two weeks has returned. Jungkook looks slightly out of breath, his hand resting against the door way as he grins at you. “Hi.” You return his smile with one of your own. “Surprised you showed up. Figured you were too busy.” Then you raise your nose in the air as Jungkook chuckles while walking inside.

You are having trouble with your own reflection, yes. But you are also having trouble with this view. Jungkook is a whole nine years older than you remember. He’s filled out more, body packed with lean muscles and more tattoos that decorate his skin with his own art. His eyes are tired and his jaw is sharp and his once long hair is now short. Maturity is dripping from his features. And you are not used to it. 

“I should have figured you were going to complain that I didn’t show up yesterday.” He comes next to your parents, offering his greetings. “I’m sorry! I fell asleep and by the time I woke up the visiting hours were over.”

“God, it’s almost sad how well I know you.”

“Well, at least some things never change.” Your mom speaks up, obvious joy laced in her tone. “We were just babying our daughter. I’m sure you can guess how she was dealing with it.”

“Oh, right.” Jungkook glances at you before looking at your parents again. 

“I swear if you mock me—”

“—You don’t need to baby me!” Jungkook shows your parents an exaggerated pout on his lips, his hands wiping away imaginary tears.

“I say don’t mock me and he mocks me. Classic.” You roll your eyes but your lips curve into a satisfied smile.

“Like I said,” Your mom barely scoffs, heading shaking. “Some things never change.”

Jungkook can’t help the smile that spreads across his face, something excited but also content. He walks to the other side of the room to grab another chair and he drags it across the tiled floor until it’s placed right next to you on the side of the bed that Nurse Choi is on. Jungkook looks at her with a smile and she greets him.

“I see the best friend is here.” Nurse Choi puts a hand on your shoulder, “Okay, y/n. Your last dose of the good stuff going directly into your veins. Enjoy it because you’ll be missing it once you’re home again.” She giggles.

“Ugh,” You playfully groan, “How will I survive?” 

Everyone laughs but you blink, expression suddenly falling flat. “No, I’m serious.” 

“Oh.” Nurse Choi blinks at you in return before laughing. “Right. No worries, Doctor Lee sent over some pretty strong pain relievers to the pharmacy.”

“He did mention that….” Jungkook waits for the nurse to leave your side before he sits in the chair. “When will they be ready again? I’m the one who is picking them up.”

“Doctor Lee will have a whole set of instructions for you, Jungkook.” Nurse Choi tells him. “He—”

“Aren’t I the patient?” You wonder aloud, “Shouldn’t it be me who gets this set of instructions?”

Nurse Choi softens her features as she eyes you, “You will receive them too. But…y/n…Jungkook is going to be your main helper…right?” She glances at your parents and Jungkook. All three nod. “So, it is important he knows everything. You aren’t going to be totally adjusted for a while.”

“Really looking forward to that.” You huff out, any ounce of excitement totally void from your words. 

“Anyway, you’re all set for the rest of the day. I’ll come check on you periodically but this is pretty much it. You get to leave tomorrow! How exciting!” Nurse Choi grins at everyone in the room, “I’ll leave you all to it then.” And then she is walking away, closing the hospital room door behind her.

“So,” You release a long breath. “What even is the full plan?”

“Well,” Your father shares a look with your mom and Jungkook. “Unfortunately, your mom and I have to return to Busan…if we could stay long—”

“—No, I get it.” You cut him off softly. “You guys have an entire life to get back to.”

Your dad pauses, a solemn expression creeping on his face. “You are our life too.” He assures you. “But it’s important we all get back to a normal routine, you know?” He steals a glance at your mother who is now giving him the ‘comfort smile’. 

“We thought we could just take you to Busan until things…” Your mom trails off, unsure of her own words. “But Jungkook made a good point.”

“Which was?” You ask slowly, eyes sliding to the side as you look at Jungkook. 

“Jungkook is probably the person who could be the most help to you.” Your mom answers, almost sounding hurt that it couldn’t be her. “And your life in Seoul as well.”

“That makes sense.” You agree easily, “Jungkook has always been pretty logical.”

“Thank goodness too.” Jungkook looks at you knowingly, “One of us had to have a brain.”

“Mom? Dad?” You snap your head towards your parents, feigning annoyance. “Are you hearing this? He is insulting me!”

Your mom rolls her eyes, “We all know Jungkook saved you too many times in college. Plus, he basically had to force you to come home to Busan during the holidays. So he’s allowed an insult or two.”

“Wow.” You stare at your mom, betrayed. “Dad?”

Your father raises a hand, silently asking you leave him out of this.

“Didn’t y/n graduate because of me?” Jungkook continues to tease. “Completely different departments yet she was still having me do her homework.” 

“That was one time, Jungkook. And I was sick!” 

“You weren’t sick. You were hungover.” He deadpans.

“Anyway,” Your mom clears her throat, glancing towards her husband. “I’m craving something to drink…maybe a juice or a tea?”

“I was thinking coffee. Should I go grab us something?” You dad responds quickly, “You two want anything either?” He asks you and Jungkook.

“I’ll just go with you.” Your mom begins to stand from her chair. “I can decide when I see my options.”

“Okay.” Your father nods, standing as well. “Nothing for you both?”

“I’m good.” You glance at Jungkook who is rejecting the offer as well.

“You sure?” Your mom links her arm through your dads as they stroll out of the room. “We will be back then.” 

As soon as the rooms door has shut behind your parents, you continue to only gaze at the door. Coughing awkwardly as your eyes roam around the opposite side of the room that Jungkook occupies.

“It’s been two weeks, y/n.” You hear Jungkook mumble from beside you. “Why is it that when we’re alone you completely avoid me?”

“I’m not avoiding you.” You whistle, “Just chillin.”

“Make eye contact with me then.”

“Gross.”

“Look at me.” Jungkook sings out cutely, “Come on.”

“I’m capable.” You roll your eyes before finally shifting them in his direction. “It’s just weird.”

“How is it weird exactly?” 

“Because you look…different.” You mumble lamely as you gesture towards him. “You’re older than I remember so it’s kind of weird.”

“You’re also older than you remember.” He points out innocently but you give him an unimpressed look.

“No shit. And it’s fucking weird!” You whine, clearly making your point.

“So,” Jungkook stretches out in his seat, his long legs spreading out and lifting above the floor as you imagine he is wiggling his toes. Even with nine years having past…he still does this. “You say I look different but is different bad?” He throws a look your way, an eyebrow lifted in curiosity. 

“I never said it was bad.” Well, maybe it is…perspective. “You just look different.”

Hot. Handsome. Sexy. Cute? Adorable? Fine as hell? 

Jungkook keeps his eyes on you before he’s smirking, toes still wiggling as he finishes his stretch. “Older obviously.” 

“Mature.” You shrug. “Something like that.” Then you force your eyes to stay on his and you soften. “But you also look more tired than I ever remember.” 

“Well, it’s been a hectic few…well, yeah. I can imagine.” Jungkook chuckles, “Sorry if I’m looking rougher nowadays.” 

He’s grinning at you but the familiar wave of guilt washes against you, pushing your body uncomfortably. “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all this.” You motion towards yourself with a timid smile. “But according to everyone you stuck by my side the—”

“—Of course I did.” Jungkook’s brows pinch, his expression hardening. “What kind of friend would I be if you were alone in this room?”

“A bad one?” You finally comfortably lock eyes with him and smirk. 

Jungkook stares at you, his own eyes gazing and you can physically see how his features relax. “And when have I ever been a bad friend?”

You lightly scoff, tearing your eyes off his as you start counting on your fingers. “Okay, remember when you—”

Jungkook’s hands go to yours, lowering your fingers back down to your lap as you both laugh. “I should have known you’d list at least something.”

“I was only going to mention when you completely forgot about my existence when you first started dating Misuk! Remember when you canceled on some plans—”

“—That was one time! And let us not forget when you stood me up three times in a row!” Jungkook counters childishly, pout on his lips. “You were fake as hell for that.”

You blink at him before cracking a smile, “I admit I was wrong for that. You didn’t talk to me for four days. I think I went insane.”

“There is no way it was four days.”

You raise an unimpressed brow, “You and I both know—”

“—Okay, fine. It was four days.” A lopsided grin grows on his face, “I was only giving you a taste of your own medicine though.”

“How mature.” You roll your eyes before a soft smile barely turns up your lips. “That’s our biggest fight, huh?”

Jungkook parts his lips to speak but his throat grows a little dry before he manages to swallow, “Life would be way too easy if that was our biggest fight, y/n.” He tries to smile, “But that’s all ancient history now.”

You frown, voice quieter. “Well, for some of us.”

“Can I ask…how long ago was this fight for you? I don’t really remember…”

“For me?” You point at yourself, “Less than a year, probably.”

“Oh wow.” He nods, eyes lowering to his shaking knee. “It feels like a lifetime ago for me.”

“So,” You aim for a subject change. “I feel like everything has been about me and how I will adjust, blah, blah, blah…tell me about your life? You have barely mentioned anything and I am not used to a world where I don’t know every little thing about you.”

Jungkook chuckles at this, his anxious knee pausing. “In your world, you know every little thing about me?” then he continues to shake his knee up and down.

You look at him in a playful disbelief, “Are you serious? Jungkook, I even know what face you make when you really have to poop.” You laugh when he gives you the middle finger. “Well, in my reality you are working on becoming a detective. I assume with how much time has passed you are already one?”

His knee stops again. “I was, yeah.”

“Was?”

“Yeah.” He forces his lips to twist into a smile.

Your eyebrows scrunch in obvious confusion, “And you’re not…anymore?”

Jungkook continues to smile, his knee shaking again. “A lot changes in nine years, y/n.”

Before you can respond, Jungkook speaks again, “You leave tomorrow. Excited?” He’s the one aiming for a subject change now. You decide to comply.

You shrug before groaning, “I don’t know about excited.” You admit hastily. You are. But you aren’t. “I’m going home to a place that isn’t my home.” Then your eyes expand as you look at him innocently, “Apparently our apartment complex got torn down a few years ago?! Can you believe it?!”

Jungkook nods, “Ah, yeah, I remember. It got demolished a year or two after we moved out of there.”

“Unbelievable.” You slump over. “Hey.” You raise your eyes back to him, “Are we still neighbors? Like, do you live in the same neighborhood as me?”

Jungkook laughs, “Not necessarily. I live really close by you though.”

“What?!” You yell out wide eyed. “But we promised we would always be neighbors for the rest of our lives!” 

“We promised that?” He teases.

“Yes.” You tell him with a straight face, “We have been neighbors since we were kids and now we aren’t. I refuse to believe it.”

“It’s only a five minute drive. If that.” Jungkook shakes his head, “Real close to your house.”

And then you immediately brighten, “That’s right. It’s a house. How adult is that?”

He cracks a smile, “Very. I don’t live in a house though. Am I not an adult?”

“You are but a child.” You respond with no pause. “I am really glad you’ll be with me though…I am not sure how comfortable it will be navigating a place that is supposed to be my home.”

Jungkook leans back in the stiff hospital chair, legs feeling weak. “Home doesn’t have to be some building.”

“You know 33 year old me. What’s my home then?” You ask, the uncertainty, the timidness doesn’t go unnoticed by your best friend. “Because for me, 24 year old me, thinks of my home as the apartment I live in—well, not anymore—but also, with you as my neighbor.” Then you mumble, “Home is walking 3 feet to the right and knocking on your front door.”

Jungkook chuckles a little, his fingers lacing together in his lap as he leans forward in the uncomfortable chair. 

“Okay.” You groan louder, head falling into the pillow behind you as you laugh. “That was so cringe! But you get what I mean, right?”

“It wasn’t cringe, y/n.” Jungkook subtly shakes his head, his fingers detangling from one another before he starts cracking his knuckles. “Also,” He lifts his head and smirks at you. “When did you ever knock?”

“That was a cute little detail, huh?” You giggle.

“A cute little lie, yeah.” He smiles as he straightens in the chair again. “I didn’t knock either so I guess we’re even.”

~~~

“Okay.” Your mom holds you at arm’s length, her eyes investigation your face carefully. “You’re sure you’re ready to leave?” Her grip on you feels strong, she bores into your eyes but you don’t verbally answer because she already knows. She sighs before continuing, “Are you sure you don’t want us to come too?”

“It’s okay. Seriously.” You see the worry on your mother’s face. “You guys need to catch your train home. Jungkook’s got it covered!”

“I know…” Your mom glances around the packed parking lot. Eyes dancing across cars, people, street lights and even the cloudy sky. “I know he will.” She steals a quick moment with Jungkook, their eyes locking and he nods in assurance before she’s looking at you again.

“I will call you every day.” You promise your mom and dad. “Well, when I get a phone.”

“We will go tomorrow, don’t worry.” You hear Jungkook say from beside you.

“Okay.” Your mom nods. “Please take everything Dr. Lee said seriously, y/n.  Be careful with bright lights, loud sounds…and when you get one of your headaches—”

“—I know, I know.” You smile, body softly lunging forward when you bring your mother in for a hug. Her grip on you is still strong, tense even. “I’ll take things slowly. And I won’t miss one single appointment.”

You feel her relax, “Don’t push yourself too hard. And remember, if you feel like you’re remembering something…don’t force yourself to think about it too hard. Nine years is a lot and Dr. Lee is worried your brain will go into overdrive and you’ll…” She pauses, taking a deep breath. “Get too overwhelmed.”

“Slow and steady.” You lean away, “I know.” 

“Okay, my turn.” Your dad tugs at your arm, a tender smile on his face. Your mom lets you go, her worried eyes find your fathers but he only waves her off. “This is good.” He tells her before he’s got his arms wrapping around you. “We better be your first phone call.” He hugs you tightly before letting go.

“Okay, we really do need to leave.” Your mom sighs, “Jungkook.”

He nods at her, “I’ll keep you both updated.”

She smiles gratefully, “I know.”

You watch as your parent’s disappear, your heart growing slower in its beats. You have enjoyed spending the last two weeks with them. With you moving from Busan to Seoul for college years ago, seeing your parents became more and more scarce. Holidays being the center of your visits. It feels bittersweet.

“Okay, ready?” Jungkook speaks from behind you now, a hesitant hand coming to your shoulder. “To go home?”

You stare out into the parking lot, one, long breath leaving your lips slowly. “Wherever that is.” You grumble before spinning in your spot and giving Jungkook a smile. “Okay, where’s The Magnet?” You ask him, eyes roaming around again.

Jungkook blinks at you with wide eyes. “The Magnet?” He tries not to laugh. “You think after all these years I would still have the car I got in high school?” 

You mouth opens in disbelief and disappointment. “Don’t tell me he doesn’t exist anymore.” 

“I am in my thirties,” He tries to conceal his toothy grin. “That car would have killed me by now.”

“Nonsense. That car only ever wanted to help you.” You counter.

“Did you ever think that I’m the reason girls wanted me in high school? And not my car?”

“No, I know no one wanted you for your car.” You chuckle. “Trust me. That car had to grow on me. Ugly as hell. But for some reason, you managed to hook up with girls and the stories were always about how it was in the backseat of that deathtrap. He was the babe magnet.” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, “I was in high school. It’s not like I could bring them home to my childhood bedroom. Had to do it somewhere.” He shrugs cockily.

“I never believed those rumors about my innocent little neighbor.” You laugh to yourself, remembering the old days. “You know, until I was out on a night run—”

“—Dangerous, by the way.” He cuts in quickly but you continue.

“And I see your car parked in front of your house and you getting busy with someone.” You dramatically shudder and he laughs loudly, shaking his head at the memory you claim to have seen.

“Anyway, I got rid of that car years ago. Come on,” He nods vaguely in another direction in the parking lot. “Let’s go.”

~

The air around you feels cold, stale and uninviting. You are standing in the entry way of your ‘home’…the place you apparently live. But everything feels foreign to you. Out of reach, out of place, out of your own reality. It feels like standing in a strangers home that you broke into. 

You glance around and your body feels weak when you don’t notice any evidence of 24 year old you around at all. No sign that the you that you knows even exists. And the cold, distant feeling that swallows you only grows. You understand the concept of taking things slowly. You understand the warnings you have been given. “Adjusting will take time.”  As you look around a strangers home, you feel the weight of those words. You are wondering if adjusting is even something you’ll achieve. 

“Wow,” You gulp in your spot, eyes darting from place to place. The decoration on the walls, the decorative pillows on the sofa, the lack of personal touch making this harder to believe this is your home.

Jungkook stands next to you, his own eyes taking in your place. You look over at him and he looks as lost as you feel. Like he doesn’t believe it’s your home either. But then he exhales a long breath before speaking, “I took down a few things.” He tells you. “Framed photos and other things that might feel too…” He pauses, chewing his lip as he comes up with the right wording. “…Too unreal for you.”

“Oh.” You blink at his side profile, letting his words process as you realize it might have been a good idea. You don’t recognize so much already.

“I thought if you saw memories that are not your own…it could…” He grows quieter, “I don’t know. Not exactly a natural way to trigger memories but more of a shock for you.”

You realize he is right. The idea of seeing you, yourself, in scenarios that you couldn’t even imagine because you just wouldn’t know…feels like it could send you spiraling. You understand too well now…how taking it slow truly is the smartest thing. “Yeah.” You mumble, “I don’t think seeing that would…feel very good.” You admit with a sadness in your voice. 

“Hey,” Jungkook turns towards you, his feet shuffling forward slowly. “One step at a time. I know the you that you know. And I also know the you that you don’t. I’m with you every step of the way.” He is almost whispering. His voice gone so soft and quiet like he’s trying to share secrets with you despite the fact you are both alone and no one else can hear.

“Thank you.” You slowly close your eyes, the tension in your forehead easing. “I know so much has changed in nine years,” You open your eyes again, an annoyed scoff leaving your lips. “Trust me, I can see how much everything has changed. I fucking hate it.” You try to smile but your throat feels tight as you speak. “But I am so glad nothing between us has.”

Jungkook’s fingers twitch against his thigh, the urge to touch you to offer comfort but he remains calm. “You will always be my best friend. y/n.” He continues to speak quietly.

You clear your throat, “And as my best friend,” You slide your eyes towards your living room. “Why the hell did you let me buy this ugly ass couch?” You raise a finger towards it.

Jungkook’s head whips in the direction as he snorts, the atmosphere feeling a little lighter. “I told you it was ugly.” He defends, “But you were so sold on it.” 

You finally take the real first steps into your home, your feet taking you closer to the sofa before your fingers slide against the top of it. “It must have been on clearance there is no way—”

“—Full price.” Jungkook bites down onto his bottom lip with a grin. “I’m telling you,” He follows closely behind you. “You were obsessed.”

“Wow,” You say under your breath as you continue to eye the sofa. “Turns out I’m a loser now.”

He snorts again, a pleasant rumble in his chest. “You’ve always been a loser.” He bumps into your side playfully and you roll your eyes at him. “I am too though. Isn’t that how we basically became friends?” He reminds you with a sparkle in his eyes. They’ve been dim but sometimes they light up like this.

You shrug but nod in agreement nonetheless, “I wouldn’t say we were losers but okay, kind of.” You respond, the memory so clear of your first week in Seoul, attending University for the first time. When you and Jungkook actually became friends.

“Keep exploring?” Jungkook grips the top of the couch with his hand, “Or?”

“No, yeah, let’s keep going.” Your feet slide against the floors as you take a look around. You’re impressed with your kitchen ware, that’s for sure. You’re also impressed with your well decorated bathrooms and guest room. Even your bedroom seems like something you’d like. 

Relief.

“I was worried my bedding would be totally hideous.” Your teeth dig into your bottom lip, concealing a relieved smile. “But this is cute and it feels nice.”

Jungkook stares at your comforter, his fingers barely feeling the fabric. “I liked your comforter before this better.” He mumbles, slight frown on his face. 

“Ignorance is bliss.” You shrug, “Okay. Clothes.” 

Jungkook leads you into your closet, looking a little emptier than you’d assume. “I guess when you work from home you don’t need a million outfits.” You glide your fingers over a bunch of hung clothing before you stop and examine a blouse. “Is…is this what’s in style now? Didn’t think this would come back.” You hang the shirt again and keep browsing. 

You drag your fingers against a variety of fabrics again before your fingertips alert you that they are touching something familiar. Something you do know. “Hey!” You light up immediately, hands scurrying over the hangers as you show off the shirt you’d just found. “My favorite shirt!” You hold it up, proud you still have it. Jungkook’s face falls into something uneasy. Or maybe dubiety. “You still…” He pauses, eyes still glued to the shirt. “You still have that?”

“Apparently.” You smile. “Why would I get rid of my favorite shirt? I mean,” You jiggle it around, “It’s cool. Stylish. But still so soft and comfortable that I even sleep in it!” 

“That’s because it’s a million years old.” Jungkook chuckles, though he looks tense. “I bought that shirt for a first date, didn’t I?” He wonders aloud, “But you stole it before I even got to wear it.” He laughs now, body relaxing a little. “I thought you would have gotten rid of it by now.”

“Oh,” You smirk at him, “Maybe you don’t know 33 year old me as well as you claim?”

You look back at the shirt and feel a huge wave of relief softly crash into you. Not everything has changed.

You and Jungkook head back into the living room, taking a seat on the couch you claim to hate so much as you continue to chat. It is the strangest sensation…speaking with someone you feel like you know but the Jungkook you know isn’t the one sitting with you now. It feels familiar, of course. But still strange. Still strange to see Jungkook as a man. Just like yourself, he is the same but different. 

“Well,” You lean against the couch cushion. “It’s Tuesday. We should probably get ready for dinner, right?

Jungkook rests against the couch as well, sitting in the spot he claimed is ‘his’. “Sure. Is there anything you’re craving?”

You almost want to punch him in the face! How dare he ask a question with an answer as obvious as this. Your brows pull together as you speak slowly, “Uh, it’s Tuesday.” 

The look on his face tells you he is not understanding. So you repeat, trying not to sound too annoyed. “It’s Tuesday, dude.”

He looks around for a moment, still a little confused before it hits him. “Ah,” He opens his mouth when he realizes. “You want barbeque and soju.” 

Bingo.

“Well, yeah.” You say with a little attitude. “It’s our tradition.” You remind him, “One of them…we haven’t broken it in years. Right?” You ask the question but you’re starting to realize you know the answer and it just feels like another thing you cannot accept.

“Right, right.” Jungkook answers carefully but you see through it.

“So have we?”

He sighs out, softening. “It’s just…it’s harder to keep up with so many things nowadays.”

You knew it. Your heart pinches and the sting is lingering in your chest. “Do we still have movie nights every Sunday?”

“Um,” He looks around awkwardly and you don’t even want an answer anymore. “It has been a while.”

You huff out, knowing yourself well enough to know you feel hurt right now but you try to keep it light. “Wow, getting older is stupid.” You force a laugh. “Life really got to us, huh?”

“To everyone.” He gives you a smile. “Also, you know damn well you aren’t allowed to have alcohol.”

“A girl can dream.” 

Jungkook orders take out for you both and within an hour, you’re eating happily on your ugly sofa. Your favorite place from college is still kicking and no recipes have changed. It tastes as good as you remember.

“Subin,” Jungkook points his phone in your direction, showing you the screen. “Says that her and Misuk will get here around 5pm tomorrow. And,” He taps the screen so it lights up again since it’s dimmed. “She’s,” He reads the text. “Never been more ready to see her oh my god!” He quotes one of your besties in a high pitched voice.

You can’t help but giggle, “I’m excited too. Sucks they couldn’t visit in the hospital.”

“Because—”

“—I know.” You say softly. “I have to ease into life, I get it.”

“Yeah.” He nods, sliding his phone away from him on the couch.

“My life is lame though. I still want to know more about yours!”

“My life is probably more lame than yours.” He tells you and you snort. “I’m serious!”

“Still,” You grow more serious, “I’m curious, you know? You could start with telling me what happened with the whole detective thing?”

Regret visits you immediately when you see Jungkook’s face pale and his expression growing distant. “Um,” He shakes his knee up and down, eyes darting in every direction. He does not want to talk about it. 

“Forget it.” You smile, voice gentle. He sighs, relaxing once again because you saved him from a conversation he might just not be in the mood for. “What else?” You ask. “Do you…uh, do you have a girlfriend? Or wife? You are old.”

“You’re old too.” He deadpans then shakes his head. “But no. Not really in the place for that right now.” 

“What a pair of besties, huh?” You begin to joke. “Both going to die alone.”

He laughs, “I forget you used to be more cynical. But anyway,” He lifts his legs onto the sofa, getting more comfortable. “If it’s too much for you, feel free to tell me to fuck off but…where exactly are you all at? With your memories and um, the point of life you’re in, I guess.”

“Ah, that’s mostly easy.” You tell him, brushing off any concerns he has. “When I woke up some of the things I remember thinking is that I’ll be 25 soon and what I plan on doing to celebrate but also, I remember I have a wedding to go to in a few weeks.” 

“Wedding?” Jungkook thinks about it for a moment. “Wait…Sana’s wedding?”

“Yeah!” 

“So that’s where you’re at.” Then he smiles at nothing. “That’s interesting.”

“Is it?” You tilt your head but Jungkook chuckles to himself, looking playful. 

“Anyway,” He yawns, “Tomorrow we will get you a new phone since yours wasn’t recovered in the accident. Is there anything else you want to buy while we’re out?”

“Besides groceries?”

“Besides groceries.”

“Not really.” You say until you’re yawning yourself. “You know, maybe 33 year old me was onto something. This couch is comfortable as hell.”

“Yeah, it is.” He gazes at you, smile forming. “Do you know how many nights you have slept on this couch instead of a bed?”

“I’m so loyal to this thing.” You pat the cushion until your eyes go wide. “Oh my god,” Your fingers rub over the couch material. “This stain looks awful.” 

Jungkook raises his brows before his eyes follow your hand and he goes still. He stares at the stain you pointed out and you notice immediately. He tries to lick his lips but it feels like even his tongue has dried out. 

“Jungkook?” You call out for him but he continues to stare and you notice when his eyes look glossy. “You okay?”

Jungkook blinks repeatedly for a moment, shaking himself out of his thoughts before he looks up at you. “Yeah, sorry.” He laughs awkwardly, “It’s just…um, someone spilled hot chocolate on the couch a few years ago and it never came out. You were so mad.” He laughs for real now but a sadness still lurks.

“Jungkook are you—”

He sniffles to himself, trying his best to smile for you. “Sorry if it seems like I’m getting a little emotional. It’s just harder than I thought…I see so much evidence of a life you’ve lived but you don’t remember much of it.”

The pinch your heart feels this time almost makes you flinch. You’re both quiet, mutual understanding how complex this all feels. Your eyes drop back down to your hand, fingers still rubbing the cushion. While you see a stain…Jungkook sees a story.

~~~

“The wild thing is that we never notice when quality of stuff is actually getting better because it’s so gradual! But dude!” You keep snapping photos with your new phone. You already have pictures of the sky, trees and even one selfie you aren’t proud of. “Nine years and I can tell you the camera quality is nothing like I remember! But,” You go into the photo library and eye the selfie you took. “Maybe it’s too good. I need it blurrier. I was prettier when the camera sucked more.”

You can hear Jungkook laughing from your kitchen before he yells out, “I’ll buy you a shitty camera if that makes you feel better.”

You roll your eyes, finger still swiping as you view pictures you’ve taken today, you mumble, complaining to yourself. “No, y/n, how could you say you don’t look absolutely breathtaking in your phone from the future? You’re the most gorg—”

“—I can hear you.” Jungkook says from behind you, giddiness in his voice. “And I never said you weren’t pretty.” 

You jump in your spot, body whipping in his direction. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

Jungkook brings a hand to his chest, feigning his hurt. “I’d never do that to your heart.” He then walks around the couch to take a seat with you. “Alright, you’ve taken your medicine for the day but remember two of them you take at night as well.”

“I know.” You go back to looking at your new phone. 

“We have a few hours to kill before Subin and Misuk get here…I was thinking we could watch a movie. You haven’t seen any new movies since 2014 so this is going to be fun.” He grabs the remote for your TV and pulls up Netflix. “Movies, shows, music…all great things to trigger memories!” 

“Are you going to play one of my favorites that I don’t even know about?”

“Yes.”

You narrow your eyes at your best friend who starts browsing the catalog, “And you swear you aren’t going to show me a movie you love and claim I love it, right?”

He pauses his browsing before he turns his head to you, his lips curving into something devious. “Okay, well now I’m not.” He admits completely shamelessly.

“Idiot.” You chuckle, watching as he goes back to looking for something to watch. After a few minutes of Jungkook talking to himself as he decides on which movie, you decide to propose something to him. “Hey…” You call out softly, urging him to give his attention to you instead.

And he looks at you immediately. “Hm?”

“Last night…after you left.” You begin, a warmth spreading across your chest as you suddenly feel a bit embarrassed. “Being alone here…uh, I don’t know, it kind of felt like I was in a house with ghosts and none of them want me here.” 

Jungkook’s brows furrow, pity etched on his face before he nods, trying his best to understand. 

“And I just think…” You try to continue, but you keep trailing off, hoping he’s getting it. “You know, that maybe, I don’t want to…be…” You gesture around, warmth spreading to your neck and up your ears and finally on your cheeks.

“Alone?” He asks.

You gulp as if that is your entire response. And he knows.

“I get that.” He tells you, “I can stay with you tonight.”

“Really?” You ask him, feeling shy all the sudden and it makes you laugh internally. “Okay, thanks.”

It’s almost 5 now and unfortunately no movie triggered anything. You’re a little disappointed but it’s okay. It’s just day two of returning to life. Plus, how can any feeling of disappointment linger for too long when you’re buzzing in excitement. Seeing two of your closest friends. Misuk and Subin.

You met Misuk your sophomore year of college and she was in the same department as Jungkook before he switched. You met her because she, for a brief period of time, was Jungkook’s girlfriend. They broke up mutually, understanding there wasn’t more than just friendship between the two. 

Although, Misuk gave you her true reasoning. You laughed about it then but as you’ve gotten older you realize maybe she was right. Regardless, she still stands by it…that friendship was better. 

You are the one who brought Subin into your small circle. You met her around the same time because of a mutual elective and she fit in with you, Jungkook and Misuk like a glove. Your friendship with the two girls is something you treasure and you’re so happy to know that it hasn’t changed all these years later.

You get taken from your thoughts as you reminisce about your friends when your front door is being gently knocked. You rise from the sofa and take a deep breath as your eyes find Jungkook’s. You feel nervous for some silly reason but so does he. You reckon you’re rubbing off on him. 

You both go towards your front door and you open it. Door swinging towards you, a fresh gust of air blowing through and your lips part at the view. Well, damn. Everyone looks different.  

Subin used to be a make-up fanatic, no matter the day or the event she always had some glamorous look. Her hair used to be long and always decorated in bows and clips. But now, her face is bright, natural and free of anything and her hair…a whole ass pixie cut. 

Misuk looks more like how you remember but instead of the bob she always had, her hair falls down to the middle of her back but her style is more or less the same. 

“y/n!” Subin shrieks in excitement before she throws her hand over her mouth, eyes wide in terror. “Oh my god.” She lowers her hand as she panics. “I know loud noises are—”

“—Are you hugging her first or me?” Misuk cuts Subin off, “Hurry.”

Subin bites her lip and offers you a look of apology. “Me, please.” She raises a hand cutely. 

You crack a smile at your friends before you open your arms, offering some affection. You kind of questioned it was even them…so many changes but you realize their voices, their gestures…it’s them. 

Subin is quick to grin at you, her arms wrapping around your middle as she sways you gently from side to side. “You look great.” She tells you before pulling away. 

Misuk is quick to hug you herself, her body stays still unlike Subin, but her hands rub at your back. “You really do.” She says, pulling back now. “I thought you’d still have cuts and bruises and I don’t know,” She pinches your cheek, “Like ten casts on your body and looking like a total badass.” 

“A badass?” You giggle, throat feeling tight because suddenly this is strange. Like everything is.

“Of course.” Misuk nods, “I was going to tell everyone that you fought off an entire gang and won.” And then she gestures towards you, “And though you made it out alive, you still, you know…” She tries not to laugh but Subin starts giggling and so Misuk cracks as well. “Is that not a good story?”

“No, it’s way cooler.” You sniff, lips spread into a smile. “Come in!”

You step back, letting the girls in and they both slip their shoes off, glancing around your home and also seeing Jungkook here behind you. 

“Hi Subin.” Jungkook gives her a closed lip smile and a small wave to his hand.

Subin returns his smile, her eyes going to Misuk before she looks at Jungkook again and she gives him a quick hug. “Hey.” She greets sweetly.

“Misuk.” Jungkook looks at your other friend now too, his stance less relaxed than before. She barely even looks at him as she brushes past you all and goes to your couch. 

“Wow,” She whistles out, “This place looks so empty without your millions of photos.” 

“Uh, yeah.” You follow everyone into your living room. “Better that way.”

Misuk keeps looking around, “I guess.” 

Everyone kind of stands around, unsure of what to say. You can understand…they probably don’t know what to talk about. They’re aware of the fact you’re living in a different time than them but all you want is some normalcy. But this atmosphere isn’t that.

“Anyone want tea?” Jungkook suddenly asks. “I could go make some.”

“Oh!” Subin lights up, “I’d love—”

“—Why are you even here?” Misuk looks over at Jungkook. You’d think she’s glaring but that would not make sense. “We’re here. You don’t have to keep an eye on y/n. We got it.”

Jungkook’s jaw slightly clenches, his eyes on Misuk’s. She doesn’t look away, instead she raises her brows at him, as if urging him to answer the question. 

“Do you want tea or not?” He asks her with a low voice.

“Why don’t you ask me something I actually want to answer.” She responds, voice as low. “Like, ‘do you want me to leave or not?’ because then yes, yes I would.” 

Jungkook’s eyes go to the ceiling for a moment, his tongue pushing against his cheek. You look between your two friends and the strange feeling from earlier has transitioned into discomfort. Jungkook finally releases a long breath, his eyes going to you and Subin now. “I’ll make the tea.” 

“T-Thanks.” Subin’s worried eyes go between Jungkook and Misuk.  

Misuk rolls her eyes, her lips pressing into one another before she shrugs. “I guess we’re having tea.”

“Misuk.” Subin says her name carefully but you know a warning when you see one.

“What?” 

She quickly shakes her head and smiles at you now, “You know Misuk can get moody when she hasn’t eaten all day!”

“Have you not eaten today?” You glance at Misuk, feeling worried. “It’s dinner time already!”

Misuk takes a seat on the sofa and Subin plops down right next to her, “I was stuck in meetings all day. Had no time.” She shrugs, “Plus, Subin has no excuse.”

You look at Subin now, clearly puzzled. “Have you not eaten either?” But she only waves you off cutely.

“I have.” She confirms. “I’m just on a diet!”

“Why are you on a diet?” You eye her over. Nine years later and she still has an incredible figure.

“I have wedding photos next week and I want to look amazing.” She pouts. “Since I’m not having an actual fancy wedding I only really need to worry about these photos.” 

Your jaw drops in slow motion, “You’re getting married?!”

Then Subin blushes, suddenly looking shy yet giddy. “Right, sorry. That would be new information for you…I’m so sorry.” 

“No, no. Congrats.” You can’t help it when your lips turn up. “That’s incredible…honestly.”

“Thank you. Um, his name is Garam and we’ve been together for around four years now?” She continues to blush, “And you guys get along well. Well, you will.” She rushes to correct herself, “Um, when you meet…again.”

“Right.” Your mind returns to this unknown place. You look at Misuk now. “What about you? Married? Single?”

“Definitely not married.” She chuckles, “But…” She pauses before smirking. “Not entirely single either though?”

“Oh?” You wiggle your brows, “Who is the lucky man?” 

Misuk bites onto her top lip, a bashful looking smile spreading. “Woman, actually.”

“Huh?” Your eyebrows climb to your hairline, lips parting as you blink at your friend over and over. “Wow.” You start to slowly nod your head, “A lot does change in nine years.”

The room goes silent for a few awkward moments, you three girls exchanging blank stares and then suddenly Subin is the first to bust out an unattractive laugh before you and Misuk join her. Immediately so much tension in the room breaking and falling away. 

All three of you are basking in your own laughter and each other’s. Suddenly, things feel more like the old days. “You’re into girls now. Noted.” You conceal your teasing smile but Misuk shakes her head.

“I’m into boys too!” She tells you. “That hasn’t changed. But I don’t know, out of nowhere I realized they aren’t the only ones.”

You snort, “So is it serious?”

“Not at all.” Misuk shrugs, “But it is fun.”

“I did not see this coming.” You start trying to think of college and after and what hints there might have been.

“That’s true.” Subin giggles, “When Misuk first told us, you,” She points at you. “Literally choked on fried chicken while I—”

“While she pointed at me and said ‘I knew it’” Misuk fills you in. “I swear she didn’t though.”

“You literally said my ex roommate was so hot you wanted her to ride your face.” Subin raises a brow, “One time, okay. But you said is every time you saw her and I said to myself. ‘yeah, she ain’t straight.’” 

You fall back into the couch cushion, shoulders shaking as you laugh. “No way.” 

“Oh wow.” Subin stares at you with soft eyes. “I can’t really remember the last time I saw you laugh like that. Or smile this much.”

You relax, smile still on your lips. “Hm?”

She shares a look with Misuk, her eyes looking watery when she gazes at you again. Subin is known for crying easily but you see actual hurt on her features but also relief. “You look so…” She pauses and sighs out. “Bright eyed? Happy?” Then she looks at you even more softly. “It’s nice.”

“It is nice.” Misuk says quietly. “Really nice.”

“Okay?” You look between them, feeling unsure of their words. “I—”

“—Okay, I made tea. It’s still really hot but you all can help yourself whenever. Um,” Jungkook comes into the living room, hands on the back of the couch right behind you. “I actually need to run a quick errand.” Then his hand finds your shoulder and he gives you a gentle squeeze. “Be back.”

Subin sings out a ‘See ya later’ while Misuk checks her phone. You watch as Jungkook leaves, the door shutting quietly behind him. You turn your attention back to the girls, a frown pulling at your lips.

“I hope he didn’t leave because Misuk was being moody…” You mumble more to yourself.

“Moody.” Misuk scoffs before she glares at Subin. 

You exhale a deep breath, “Everything feels so different. I didn’t think things would feel so…” You feel your throat getting tight but you swallow hard, opening some space. “Lots of changes.”

“Things…have changed.” Subin smiles. “It’ll get easier once you…” She stops to nibble on her lips, she realizes no words will really help. She can’t imagine what you’re experiencing. 

“Have things changed,” You gesture between you three. “Between us?”

Subin and Misuk share a look, both harboring strange expressions. Because everything is strange.

“Yeah.” Subin decides to admit, “But that’s normal. We just aren’t,” She looks at Misuk for help and internally groans when Misuk doesn’t pick up on it. “Well, we aren’t as close as back in the day.”

“Oh.” Another pinch to your heart. 

“But hey,” Misuk finally speaks, “That’s what happens when you get older, you know? Everyone has their lives. It’s completely normal, I promise.”

You know that something like that is normal. But reality is much harsher than you were anticipating. 

~

It’s dark outside. The sun hiding away. You don’t blame it since you also want to hide away. You have a random blanket wrapped around your body as you sink deeper into the couch, only the sounds of your breaths and the ticking of a clock that hangs on the living room wall. 

Misuk and Subin left a little while ago and Jungkook is still gone. You’re here in a house you don’t know with ghosts who don’t want you. It’s lonely. You want to convince yourself that the thing causing your lonesome is the empty house but you know it’s because everything you know doesn’t exist anymore and you’re stuck in that place. The place of the past. 

Except for you it isn’t the past. 

Finally, your head snaps up when you hear Jungkook opening the front door. He looks confused as he glances around, “Why are you in the dark?” He asks you, his fingers feeling up the wall as he finds the light switch. The light comes on suddenly and you yelp. 

“The light!” You whine, head falling into your hands. “Too much, too much.”

Jungkook’s eyes expand, panic filling them as he rushes to flip the switch off. “Fuck. Sorry, sorry.” He mutters quickly, feeling bad about it. “I forgot, I’m so sorry.” 

You try to laugh a little, “Hey, I’m the one who is supposed to forget stuff, not you, buddy.”

Jungkook rubs his temples, worry still written all over his face. You don’t see it but you know. The only light on is one from a hall way so warm light barely spills enough into the living room…enough to guide Jungkook to you. He sits right next to you on the sofa and with no thought his hands go to either of your cheeks. 

“You okay?” He asks you soothingly. “I’m so sorry…fuck, I really…”

His fingers on your skin feels familiar. Of course it does. The familiarity makes your head feel woozy though. “I am.” You look at him in the dark. “It’s okay. It calms down pretty quickly. But my head does hurt…”

“Have you taken your night dosage yet?” He asks, thumbs stroking both cheeks. You shake your head no in his hold. “I told you 9pm didn’t I? It’s almost 10.” 

“I don’t think one hour is a huge deal difference.”

“It is.” He scolds you, finally dropping his hands from your face. “You have to take this seriously.”

“Okay, okay.” You groan, wrapping the blanket tighter. “I just…can I relax for one second?”

Jungkook tilts his head, his worried expression only growing. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” You snap. “Seriously, just…” 

“Hey,” Jungkook’s voice softens and it immediately relaxes you more. “Are you feeling okay? You have headache…anything else?”

You close your eyes in defeat, body falling against the cushions again. “Everything else.” Your voice cracks, “I feel so fucking stressed. I…” 

“I know this must be hard for you.”

“I barely got told any life altering things today about some of the things I’ve missed…and Jungkook, the doctor was right. Even that…” Your throat burns as you speak. “I’m so fucking overwhelmed with everything.”

“I—”

“—And,” you continue to vent. Your eyes stinging now as well. “I just don’t know how I can handle more…I don’t want to.”

Jungkook’s heart breaks at this. He knows how hard you’ve been trying and he wishes he could make it easier for you.

“y/n…” He rubs your arm over the blanket. “Nine years is a lot. You have plenty of time to adjust. Day by day…step by step. I’m here with you. For all of it.” He swallows hard. “I promise all of it.”

“Yeah?” You wipe at your nose, your eyes and nose feeling a little leaky. 

“Yeah.” He tells you earnestly, his body pressing against yours when he leans in to hug you. He feels warm against you, firm too. You’re still wrapped in the blanket so you don’t hug him back but his scent that suffocates you feels enough like you are. 

This is the first time Jungkook really hugs you since you’ve woken up. He hugged you briefly when you woke from the coma but you didn’t totally register it at the time. Now you are. His scent floods your nostrils so heavily that you think his scent now fills up your veins. It’s all so familiar. Old and new.

~~~

The next few days go by slowly—in a good way—things feel a bit better than before. You and Jungkook have spent your time at home, cooking together and watching more movies and TV shows. He even shows you music you apparently love, even adding, “I wish I was you! You’re so lucky you’re wiped of remembering this album and listening to it again like the first time.” And you replying with a snort, “Did you just call me lucky for having amnesia?” and then you adding, “God, why couldn’t my brain wipe out all of the Avatar the last Airbender series so I could watch it again like it’s the first time.”

It goes like this and it feels so pleasant. Yes, fucking pleasant. 

But pleasantries don’t last forever. 

You and Jungkook wrap up the night, changing into pajamas and washing up for bed. You’re returning from the kitchen with a glass of water when you see Jungkook fluffing up a pillow before getting comfortable to sleep on the couch.

“Why do you sleep out here? Why don’t you sleep in the guest room?” You point down the hall, “Don’t you—”

“No, it’s okay.” Jungkook mumbles, his eyes focusing on the hallway from where he lays. “Um, not a fan of that bed so I will just sleep here.” 

You eye him curiously before shrugging it off. “Whatever you say. Night,” You sing out cutely, “See you tomorrow.”

“Don’t forget I’ll be busy tomorrow and won’t see you until the evening.” Jungkook reminds you, “I already bought the wine for movie night tomorrow. Since it’s Sunday after all.”

“Not fair that you can drink and I can’t.” You groan, “But anyway, what are you doing on a Sunday?”

“I just have things to take care of.” He responds simply. “You’re hanging out with Subin during the day right?”

“Yes, yes.” You roll your eyes. “Don’t worry, Subin is willing to babysit me.”

“It isn’t like that.” Jungkook frowns, “You know that.”

“I know.” You soften, “Night, Jungkook.”

~

Another thing that is taking some time to get used to is all the differences throughout the city of Seoul. New shops, restaurants, cafes…the list goes on. Of course lots of places and things you do recognize but so much new, new, new. 

Subin drove the both of you to a favorite restaurant of hers with a ‘to die for breakfast selection’, saying she only found it a few months ago so even 33 year old you isn’t familiar with it. Which somehow feels relieving. 

You’re both seated at a small table against a window, menus in hands as you wait for the server to come to you both for your orders. It feels nice being out, the feeling of a friend showing you a new place is almost normal. It’s not a place you’re supposed to know and that’s a great thought. 

“I really need to pee. Bathroom?” You look up from the menu, eyes on Subin.

“Oh,” She lifts a hand to point behind her. “Down that way! Do you know what you want? If the server comes before you’re back I can order for us.”

“Oh, fantastic.” You grin, setting the menu down and sliding it in front of her. “I want this.” You point excitedly. “But can you ask for the potatoes to be extra crispy.”

“You got it.” She offers a thumbs up.

You get up quickly to head to the bathroom. After you finish using the toilet, you stand in front of the bathrooms mirror at the sink, washing your hands. A heavy feeling is pushing against your forehead and you curse yourself for forgetting to bring extra pain relievers. Maybe it’s because of the florescent lights in here and they’re messing with you.

Once you make it back to the table, you rest your head in your hands. “Head is killing me.” You explain before Subin can even ask. She chews on her lips, feeling bad about your state. “Did you order?” You raise your head again, hoping the pressure on the other side of your skull eases.

“I did!” Subin smiles at you. “We will be eating delicious food in no time.”

“I cannot wait.” You return her smile. “So, your wedding photos are this coming week, right?”

“Ugh, yes.” Subin squeals quietly on the other side of the table. “Today is my one cheat meal so don’t judge me.”

“Right, right.” You chuckle, “So is there a reason you guys aren’t having a wedding?”

“Garam and I?” She points at herself innocently. “Well, we don’t really want to make a huge thing about it. We’re going to do it the easy, simple way. No wedding.” She shrugs, soft smile pulling up her lips. “The photos are our fancy time.”

You frown at her words, “But you always talked about your dream wedding…”

“Oh.” She blinks at you before cracking another smile. “I guess I used to, huh? Ah, well, I am way more practical nowadays.” 

You hate the feeling inside your chest. Like this is another thing you don’t want to accept. “Everyone is so different…” You mumble, eyes going to the water on the table. 

“Not completely!” Subin rushes to say, her cheery voice still intact, trying her best to steer you away from disappointment. “For example…” She starts thinking, “According to what you know about me…you know, as a 24 year old…what do you think I ordered for breakfast?”

You immediately sigh out, not even wanting to answer.

“Oh, come on.” Subin grins, pushing you to answer. “No matter where I go I always got the same thing, right?”

You sigh again. “Two blueberry pancakes. Exactly three slices of bacon. Scrambled eggs…runny. And of course, a very random side of shredded cheese.”

“It’s not random! It’s for the eggs and you know this!” Subin pouts at you playfully. 

You shake your head but you can’t control when your lips twitch to smile. “Anyway,”

You both continue chatting for a little while longer. She tells you more about Garam and how they met and fell in love. It’s still strange hearing all of this when you’re already supposed to know it. But since you aren’t directly involved it feels…manageable. 

Suddenly, Subin’s eyes light up when she notices the server coming with the food behind you. And the next thing you know, plates of food are now on the table, both in front of you and Subin and it smells delicious.

“Anything else?” The server asks, her voice kind and patient.

You look at the food and sigh in contentment before looking up to respond, “No I think—“ But you come to a sudden halt the moment your eyes meet hers. It’s almost immediate when your brows pull together in confusion, maybe concentration. She looks at you with a similar expression.

“O-Okay.” She nods quickly. “I-If that’s—that’s all then I…” She blinks down at you, something unsettling falling on her features. 

You can’t look away from her face. There is something so familiar about this woman. But not familiar in the way that you actually know. No, familiar in a way that you have yet to uncover. You glance to her name tag…’Nabi’. And swallow hard. You don’t know that name? You don’t know her. But it feels like there is a memory that lingers annoyingly on your tongue like a flavor you can’t quite pin. But it isn’t enough.

“Do I know you?” You blurt without much realization.

Nabi’s eyes go wide before she’s shaking her head and forcing an awkward smile, “Oh, no. No. I probably have one of those faces, you know?” She laughs now. You watch her carefully before giving a curt nod.

“Okay, sorry.” You look back down at your food and then to Subin and you smile at her. “Let’s dig in.”

A man comes to the table as well, handing Nabi another plate while she takes it and sets it down in front of Subin. “Your side of shredded cheese.” She stares at you both for another moment before walking off.

You look down at what Subin ordered and you roll your eyes playfully at her and she winks at you.

“Didn’t I say some things don’t change?”

~

You’ve spent the entire day with Subin. You two walked around the city, went to some parks, got sweet drinks and snacks and gushed about the beautiful weather. You’re tired though, you’ll admit. Today has been an event and you cannot wait to walk through your front door and be lazy on your couch. 

It’s already after 7 when you make it home again, the sun setting and quiet hoots of owls nearby. You see Jungkook’s car parked out front and you feel giddy that he is already here and no doubt waiting for you. A long day of activity and sitting on the couch watching movies with your best friend while he drinks wine sounds like a great night. (Even if you don’t get to partake in the drinking.)

“Hello!” You call out as you walk through the front door. “I’m home!” 

“In the kitchen!” You hear Jungkook call out from the distance.

You make your way further into the house, light footsteps dancing across the floor until you’re in the kitchen. Jungkook is sitting at the counter, a glass of wine next to his laptop that he’s buried himself in. When he hears you approach, his lifts he eyes to you. And you see his immediate smile.

“Hey.” He pushes down onto the laptop, closing it. “How was your day?”

You walk to the side of the counter he is on and you take a seat next to him. “Long. Fun. Good. Weird. Fuzzy. Headaches. Good food. The weath—”

“—Headaches?” Jungkook’s lips tug down. “Still? Or have they gotten better throughout the day?”

“More or less.” You shrug. “I can’t wait to take my medicine at 9 though.”

Jungkook chuckles, “I’ll make sure you take them.” He raises his fingers to your cheek, they barely skid your skin but it’s enough to feel like the temperature has gone up. You glance down at the countertop quickly as you nod. 

He drops his hand, “You okay?”

“Duh.” You force a smile as you stand from the chair. “Aren’t we watching a movie now?”

The third movie of the night is on and Jungkook is on his fourth glass of wine. He’s giggly and losing his perception of personal space. It never really bothered you much until…well, it still doesn’t bother you. 

“Why are your hands always cold!?” Jungkook whines, his fingers wrapping around yours. “I feel like I’m holding onto five icicles.” He says while raising your hand up.

“You’re the one who keeps touching my thermostat.” 

“You know I like to sleep cold.”

“Same.”

“Then don’t complain.”

“I’m not complaining.”

“Feels like you’re complaining.”

“Hey,” You escape his hand, freeing your freezing fingers. “Can I ask you something?”

Jungkook gazes at you, his eyes are so big and wonderous and you see the little boy from a million years ago.

“Hm?” He hums while reaching over his other side and throwing a blanket at you. You get cozy quickly, feeling grateful for the warmth and even almost forgetting your question. “Hm?” He hums again.

“Oh yeah.” You chuckle. “Okay, I’m curious…what’s your favorite memory with me?” 

Jungkook’s expression shifts subtly, eyes on you. “A memory you’d actually know, right?” 

“Yeah.” You nod before growing soft and hopeful. “You can tell me your other favorite memory of you and me if I get my memories back.”

“When.” He corrects you as gentle as possible. “But okay…” He leans back into the sofa, eyes on the ceiling. “I got it.” He smiles to himself.

“What is it?” You lean towards him, interest piqued. His eyes slide towards you before he smirks. “You have to tell me Jungkook!”

“I mean…do I have to?” He teases you. He keeps his gaze on you, watching for all your reactions to his teasing. You whine and pout and when he continues to be secretive you pinch him. “Ow! Okay! Okay!” He rubs his arm.

“Heh.” You look at him, clearly pleased. A warmth still spreading across your body.  He’s still the same Ribbit, you think. 

“Okay, I don’t know if it’s actually my favorite favorite…but it’s the first thing that came to mind.” Jungkook informs you, “Remember when I told you I wanted to apply for the police academy instead of finishing at the University?”

“Of course I remember.” You mumble, cute pout forming. “I was devastated we wouldn’t attend school together anymore.” 

Jungkook breaks into a grin at that, “I know.”

“My devastation is your fav—”

“—No, no.” Jungkook chuckles. “After my first day of the academy, I remember when…”

You feel heat creep up every inch of skin because you know exactly what he’s going to say. So long ago and you’re still embarrassed.

Jungkook continues when he sees the shame on your face and he tries to conceal his teasing smile. “When I walked out of one of the buildings I saw you coming towards me and—” He tries to speak but he can’t help but laugh now. “Fuck,” He starts cackling by himself while you shrink in shame.

“Shut up.” You groan loudly. “You know I was just trying to be funny!” 

“Sure, yeah.” He tries to calm down, huge smile on his face still. “I’m not sure I thought it was hilarious in the moment.” He admits, eyes growing a little darker but only for a moment. “But eventually yeah, that shit has me dying when I think about it.”

“It was your first day.” You mope in your spot next to him. “I knew how nervous you were, Jungkook. I thought it would…make you feel better?” 

“You thought showing up on my first day of the academy in a sexy detective costume was what would make me feel better?” He starts cracking up again. 

“I thought it was funny.” You groan again, cheeks on fire at this point. 

“Funny.” He shakes his head, teeth poking out as he smiles. “My classmates thought you were trying to seduce me.” 

“Well, your classmates didn’t know shit.” You pout defensively. 

Jungkook keeps grinning like a fool, the memory still making him laugh. “But I guess your goal to make me laugh worked because once I registered what the hell you were doing, I couldn’t stop laughing.”

“Yeah.” You glance away, annoyed. “I recall. You told everyone about it and everyone made fun of me. Glad to know me being embarrassed as fuck is one of your favorite memories.”

Jungkook snorts, his features softening before his fingers come to your cheek again. “It’s a favorite of mine because you were willing to do something like that just to ease my nerves.”

Speaking of fucking nerves. Yours are free falling in your belly. “I guess that’s a better answer.” You say quietly, eyes having a hard time staying on him. 

“Hey,” His fingers brush against your skin. “You know I would do something like that for you too, right?” He smiles. It’s gentle. Honest. “I would really do anything for you.”

And just like that, that feeling you’ve been drowning in for the past few weeks continues. 

That’s right…nine years have passed. You are apparently 33 but woke up with only the memories of the first 24 years of your life. Memories that bring feelings that drown you. You woke up with the memories of that time of your life and the feelings. 

Your brain erased so much so why couldn’t it have erased this too? 

For you, you are 24. And at this point in your life you are disgustingly in love with your best friend. The man in front of you now. And the familiar ache of yearning resides deep inside your chest, like it never left at all.

“Hey, Jungkook?” You call out for him softly, he hums in response as he drops his hand from your face. “We are still best friends, right?” 

Jungkook pushes his head back in slight disbelief that you’d even ask that, “Of course.” He grows a little more serious. “We will be for the rest of our lives. No matter what.” He states like it is a promise.

Yeah, the ache returns and the art of yearning is painting a mix of wild colors across a canvas, a piece of art one day worthy for the Louvre.

“I’m by your side forever, y/n.” He says more softly now.