I'd rather have you.

Another factor is that I (Michelle) did not continue watching Supernatural. Maybe I will in the future but I am not sure yet. This made me hesitant to continue writing about SPN as I realised that I may have fallen out of love with the show and the characters.

BUT, I just read through some of the things I have written and the SPN tag in general and I do miss the fandom and writing about two certain angels and two certain hunters. 

I’m going to start writing again and taking care of this blog like I should have done all along. If you guys, our lovely followers, will still have us. 

A/N Remember that “date” I was talking about? Yeah, we are still somewhere between friends and relationship. She calls it a gay friendship whatever that means, so I kinda based this one shot on our story, though I changed some things and I haven’t (unlike Cas) confessed, so she doesn’t know.

“I’m not going to ask Cas out, Charlie! Forget it.”

Perhaps Dean should stop staring at Castiel, especially in the middle of the cafeteria where everybody could see him. He should stick to the staring during classes when everybody is either too distracted or too focused to notice.

Castiel was, like the Katy Perry song, the one who got away.

They actually disliked each other from the start, well, Dean disliked him from the start.

Castiel was new in town and quickly joined Dean’s group of friends, which wasn’t that bad but Dean just disliked him. There wasn’t a real reason behind it other than that Dean got annoyed whenever Cas was around.

Then came the summer vacation and it was Charlie who gathered the entire group together to spend some time with all of them before she was going on a trip for a few weeks.

Dean and Cas started talking and quickly realised they had more in common than they initially thought. They shared the same love for movies, tv-shows, they had the same opinions even on the sensitive stuff.

They both could say that the other would be the perfect boyfriend, they simply understood each other that well.

From there on out, the get-togethers with just the two of them started.

The first time they met up without everyone else was because everyone else couldn’t make it to Cas invitation to hang at his place. Dean opted to go anyway and they watched movies, sitting so close that Dean could feel the heat of Cas’ body through his clothes. Cas even laid his head on Dean’s shoulder and Dean’s heart skipped a beat, though he thought nothing of it.

Their get-together became more frequent and they started having conversations over text as well. There wasn’t a day that they didn’t talk to each other and most of the messages were flirty, which threw Dean off a bit.

Cas had mentioned relationships before and Dean flirted back but never intended to act upon it.

Apparently, somewhere between the texts, the cuddling, the flirting, Cas fell in love.

Dean’s reaction to this wasn’t bad but he didn’t want a relationship either. So, he let Cas go. They still talked but Cas became distant. Cas had promised that he would get over Dean but he needed Dean to understand that to do that, he needed space. 
Dean understood, but it hurt.

After thinking about it, Dean didn’t know why he didn’t ask Cas to be his boyfriend. Now, it seems silly and idiotic and Dean should’ve said something.

Because he likes Cas back, but he was too scared.

Contrary to popular believe, Dean never dated anyone and it scared him. Scared that he wouldn’t be able to treat Cas like he wants to, or that he is too inexperienced.

Dean now wanted to punch himself for not taking the risk, making that jump.

So, right now, Dean was sitting at the lunch table, staring at the boy who fell in love with him and there is nothing he could do.

“He still likes you, you idiot,” Charlie angrily whispered, thumping Dean on his head.

“I’m not going to do it, Charlie.”

“I dare you.”

“What? No!”

“I double dare you.”

There was a mischievous glint in Charlie’s eyes and she knew Dean was considering it.

“You know what, fine. But if he breaks my heart, it’s your fault.”

Charlie grinned and nodded, pushing him softly in Cas’ direction. Dean rolled his eyes and walked towards Cas, sitting down next to him.

“Hey, Cas.”

“Dean,” Castiel replied, looking up briefly from his book.

“Whatcha reading?”

Castiel held up his book showing him the title instead of saying it. Dean grinned because Cas always did this when he was invested in his book. It was almost a shame to interrupt him but this was important. “Can I talk to you for a second?” Dean asked, his heart already pounding in his throat.

“Sure! Are you alright?” Cas asked worriedly.

“Yeah, I’m fine, it’s just…”

“Just?” Castiel asked, his eyes big and questioning. Dean ran his hand through his hair and cleared his throat.

“I was too scared to tell you this, but I like you and I want to take you on a date if you want too. I mean, I know I had my chance, you told me that and I know I blew it, you told me that too-”

Castiel interrupted Dean by gently kissing him on his cheek, pulling back with a big smile. Dean thought he could hear Charlie cheering in the background.

“Yes, Dean, of course!”

“You’re not mad, I mean about before?” Dean asked warily, confused as to why Cas would ever say yes.

“I am, well, I was. All I know is that I still like you, Dean. I want to give us a chance.”

Castiel sighed, nearly stumbling to the ground. Again.

“You okay there, Cas?” Dean asked without turning around, climbing on a large rock with a limberness Castiel envied.

“I’m incredible, couldn’t be better,” Castiel deadpanned, making Dean laugh out loud. Castiel couldn’t help but smile at Dean’s infectious laughter.

It was Dean who suggested they go outside for once, instead of binging Netflix comfortably on one of their couches. Castiel agreed, just because he could never say no to Dean, but this wasn’t what he imagined when Dean talked about “taking a walk”.

This was actual hiking, which shouldn’t be that big of a deal if Cas wasn’t the clumsiest person alive.

Castiel was already coming up with excuses to not climb the giant rock, but Dean waved him over.

“Come on, Cas. Get up here! The view is beautiful.”

“I can see it perfectly fine from here.”

“Please?’

With a deep sigh, Castiel started his climb.

Later, Cas wouldn’t be able to tell how he made it, but a few minutes later, he was sitting next to Dean, watching the sunset.

The view really was beautiful, especially the colours of the sky. Castiel could easily say that the pink and orange tones were his favourite colours.

“Time to go, I’m hungry,” Dean said, before jumping off the rock, looking up at Cas. “Jump.”

“Are you insane?” Castiel asked, fear bubbling in his stomach. He could easily land wrong and break his neck.

“You can do this!”

Castiel rolled his eyes and hesitated, but jumped.

A surge of pain shot from his ankle all the way to his upper leg. He fell immediately, letting out a cry of pain and shock.

Dean was by his side instantly and cradled Cas’ face in his hands. 
“Are you okay?”

“Yes, it’s just my ankle,” Castiel replied with a grimace, looking up to the worried and guilt-ridden face of his best friend.

“I’ll get you to a hospital,” Dean said with sudden determination and picked Cas up, bridal style.

“Please, put me down, it’s just a sprained ankle.”

“Nope, not gonna risk it,” Dean replied, not letting go of Cas.

Dean carried him all the way to his Baby and gently placed Cas in his seat.

The hospital later confirmed that it was, in fact, a sprained ankle and that he should just rest to make it heal faster. There wasn’t much else he could do about it.

“I’ll drive you home,” Dean said, once they were walking out of the hospital.

“Dean,” Cas said, stopping him with a hand on his chest.

Dean had been quiet for the entirety of the car ride to the hospital, the waiting in the waiting room, during the visit at the doctors and Cas has had it.

“Cas…”

“No! Now, you listen to me, Dean Winchester. I have known you for a long time and I know that you are blaming yourself for what happened,” Castiel said sternly, staring Dean straight in the eye.

“I told you to jump,” Dean whispered, breaking eye contact.

Castiel grabbed his chin and gave him no choice but to look at Cas again. “And I made the decision to go through with it. I could have said no and taken the easy way, but I jumped and there is no one to blame but me.”

Dean wanted to protest again, but Cas was getting tired of it. Instead of letting Dean talk, Cas placed one of his hands on Dean’s shoulder for balance, grabbed Dean’s hair and kissed him on his lips before he could say more.

Dean instantly wrapped his arms around Cas to hold him up and kissed him back with such a huge amount of passion, Cas was glad Dean held him.

“What was that for?” Dean asked, grinning and out of breath.

“A thank you for carrying me the whole way and a way for telling you to shut up.” “Hmm, I don’t think I’ve got the message yet,” Dean murmured, rubbing his nose against Cas’.

“There is no case?!” Dean exclaimed, reading along over Sam’s shoulder.

“No, nothing. I’ve tried the newspapers, the internet, nothing.”

“So? We have a day off?”

“Seems like it,” Sam nodded, his eyes regaining some of that sparkle he had lost years ago. “I’m going for a run!”

Dean chuckled as Sam ran off to put some exercise clothes on. His brother reminded him of a puppy sometimes. Joyous, playful, overexcited.

Deep down, Dean was kind of put off by the lack of cases. It felt weird to not do something. On the other hand, Sam’s face made it worth it.

Sam deserved the little time off.

With nothing to do, Dean called Cas. The angel wasn’t around much, most of the time he was busy with some type of angel problems they had up in heaven.

Secretly, Dean cherished those few minutes alone with Cas. He had been missing him for a while now like their family wasn’t complete when Cas wasn’t around.

Dean knew about Cas’ insecurities. He found out about them not too long ago and his heart fell, breaking into a thousand pieces when he realised what he made Cas go through. Alone.

Cas didn’t feel like he belonged with them, he actually thought that the only reason they still contacted him, was because they only wanted them for his powers.

Which was bullshit by the way.

It’s just not like Dean could go up to Cas saying, “Hey, I like you and I have thought about kissing you for the longest time. Wanna make out?”.

It doesn’t work like that. Especially not with confused angels.

The phone rang once, twice, and then “Hello, Dean”.

Dean smiled at the customary hello he always got and said, “Hey, Cas” back.

“So, Cas, do you have any angels business you have to do tonight?”

“I believe not, why?” Castiel asked. Dean could almost picture Castiel’s expression.

“We don’t have a case,” Dean explained, “we’re free tonight.”

“And you want me to come to the bunker?” Castiel asked, sounding hopeful yet stoic. He wanted to come but was afraid he might have misunderstood. Dean knew that feeling.

“Yeah, I thought that I could show you some movies or something,” Dean said, just now coming up with that excuse. “To give you a little pop-culture knowledge, you know.”

“Okay, I’ll come, Dean.”

With that, the conversation had ended. Dean stared at his phone unblinkingly until he heard the familiar sound of wings flapping behind him.

He didn’t have to turn around to know it was Cas. 
“Thank you for coming, man,” Dean said, not quite knowing what else there was to say.

“I always come when you call, Dean,” Castiel replied. Dean thought back to the first time Cas said that. It had been a fight, Dean had refused to stand down and Cas left.

A surge of pain hit Dean and he vowed to himself to actually treat Cas like he deserved to be treated. Even though Dean didn’t think he was good enough. He couldn’t be what Cas deserved exactly, but he can try to come at least close.

“Are you okay, Dean?” Castiel asked, eyes as blue as the morning sky laced with concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dean replied quickly. He had forgotten he was staring at Cas this entire time. “I was thinking about a Harry Potter marathon?”

Dean showed him Star Wars a little while back and Cas did enjoy it a lot. Ever since then, they watched a movie or tv show occasionally.

“Harry Potter?” Castiel questioned, racking his brain for knowledge on a person called ‘Harry Potter’.

“Oh, God,” Dean mock sighed, pulling Cas behind him up the stairs to his room.

“Don’t use my father’s name in vain, Dean,” Castiel boomed behind him. Dean could only roll his eyes and ignore him.

Once they settled on Dean’s bed, sitting close enough to feel each other’s body heat, they started the first one.

“Babies are extremely fragile. If Voldemort wanted to kill Harry, he could have done so without using magic.”

“Cas, please, shut up,” Dean groaned. He had to listen to Castiel’s endless flow of questions since the start of the movie. He had tried to answer them the best that he could, but this was getting ridiculous.

“Why don’t you come over here and make me?” Castiel replied. There wasn’t a sexy twinge to it, he actually said it like he was reading a shopping list, but Dean felt a tingle in his lower belly anyway and lunged for Cas’ lips.

Castiel met him feverishly, inexperienced but with so much enthusiasm that Dean couldn’t help but moan in Cas’ mouth.

“Make me?” Dean asked once they broke apart, panting hard.

“I saw it one of those romantic comedies you pretend to hate.”

(Because who doesn’t love a little fake dating?)

“Uh-oh,” Dean whispered, pulling Cas into a random aisle. He hadn’t expected to come across Lisa in the grocery story.

He and Cas had been picking out food for their weekly movie night and sleepover. They have started this tradition because school, relationships, family got in the way of their friendship. They didn’t see much of each other for a few weeks until they both decided that it was enough.

They needed something to make sure they saw each other at least once a week outside of school.

And thus the tradition was born.

Dean was secretly ecstatic that he got to spend so much more time with Cas. Especially since sleeping together in one bed wasn’t that uncommon anymore.

Yes, yes, he has a crush on Cas. There was nothing new there. Apparently, everybody knew except the person who matters the most. 
Castiel Novak.

The same person he just pulled into an aisle, hiding behind the shelves of cereal.

“What are you doing, Dean?” Castiel asked, but low enough only for Dean to hear. These are the kinds of things Dean loves him for, just going along with Dean even though he has no clue what is happening just because Dean is fed up with it.

“Lisa is here,” Dean whispered back, sneakily peeking behind the shelves. “Crap! She saw me.”

“We can leave…”

“No!” Dean exclaimed, making Cas take a step back. “I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just that the break up was messy-”

“I was well aware of that,” Cas interrupted him with a look that had ‘you’re an idiot’ written all over it.

“I know that you know, Cas,” Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know,” Dean admitted, searching Cas’ deep blue eyes for an answer.

“You can pretend you’re dating me?” Castiel suggested though he said it unsure like he's scared how Dean is going to react.

“You would do that for me?” And with that, Dean wants to smack himself in the face and fall through the filthy grocery shop floor.

He did not just say that.

Castiel chuckled and gently patted Dean’s cheek. “Of course.”

Dean then mustered all of his courage, his heart beating, his palms sweating and did a heatwave just roll in? Anyway, he grabbed Castiel’s hand in his, Castiel briefly squeezed his hand in return and relaxed.

Dean let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and stepped into the open with Castiel.

During their small conversation, Lisa had walked away and Dean sighed in relieve.

“Didn’t know you two are together,” a voice said from behind them, making them both jump 3 feet into the air.

“Damn, Lisa, you scared the crap out of me!” Dean nearly screamed, quickly closing his mouth when he noticed Lisa’s venomous expression.

“We are,” Castiel said confidently, easily grabbing Dean’s hand like they have done it a thousand times before. “We have been for a while.”

“You dumped me for this freak?!” Lisa exclaimed, pointing her finger accusingly at Cas. “Come on, Dean, you can do better. You still have me and I know you want to.”

Dean’s blood has been boiling after ‘freak’ and Castiel’s hand is slowly being compressed by Dean’s much larger one.

“I dumped you because you are manipulative and you only dated me because I’m popular.”

“Hmm, I just saw a potential in the two of us. The power couple of Lawrence High.”

“We will never get back together, Lisa. I’m with Cas,” Dean said, unknowingly stepping in front of him to be a wall, separating Lisa from Cas. “I don’t believe it,” Lisa smirked, her eyes dancing.

“Like I care,” Dean scoffed, the hand that isn’t holding Cas’ clenching until his knuckles turned white.

“Prove it.”

Dean started protesting, about how they don’t have to do it, that they had nothing to prove to her. However, Cas had different plans.

Castiel turned Dean around, inching closer.

“Kiss me,” Castiel whispered, throwing his arms around Dean to pull him even closer, their chests touching.

“You don’t have to, Cas,” Dean said, his eyes darkened but his hands wavering. He wanted to touch Cas, but not like this. Not when the only reason Cas would let him, is because of his crazy ex-girlfriend.

“I want to,” Castiel said, pulling back enough for Dean to see the want in his eyes, to hear the truth in his words.

Dean couldn’t contain himself and lunged at Cas, claiming his lips with his own.

They stayed like this, warm and content, even when Lisa frowned and walked away, when the group elderly walking by aww-ed and their grandchildren squealed about cooties.

They broke apart when they felt like their lungs were going to explode with bright smiles and soft eyes.

“I want you,” Dean whispered. It wasn’t a love confession per se and in a different situation the context would’ve meant something different entirely, but Cas understood and nodded.