Lucid Fantasy

We all up to date with my life now and the past few days I have done absolutely nothing which honestly makes me upset since the whole beginning of the summer was so lit. Its mostly because all my friends are getting ready for their new lives for college and the girl ive been talking to rn has been busy.

I guess I should just start focusing on myself again. Im really excited for college when it starts I want to make an effort to rarely have boring weeks like this unless im studying of course and to most of all meet new people, good people

Alex Su: Is my roommate. Do you remember Anna? When I met Alex on shadow day of HLLC, I swear he was flirting with her which made me a little uncomfortable because he used me to get there (more on this later) LOL. He also asked me to be his roommate which I’m pretty sure was out of convenience, which is fine. Funny story actually after this shadow day we actually both went to the same Rutgers Freshmen orientation day where you stay for a day on campus to see what it’s like and of course we get fucking paired as roommates there. Like what the fuck are the chances. But idk after spending time with him there I honestly wouldn’t mind being his roommate. I hope we’d be close and don’t have to many arguments I don’t want any drama. Especially in the place I’m going to sleep.

Jeffery: He’s going to be suite mate! I met him on shadow too and of course I think he was interested in Anna too! But I didn’t feel uncomfortable with this one because he wasn’t using me to talk to her plus I don’t really have feelings for her like that. Surprisingly too I got a long with him the most there. He played volleyball too and video games! Sometimes I wonder if he should of been my roommate but I’m actually okay with Alex.

Stephen Ganesh: Also my suite mate. We didn’t pick him to be our suite mate but I hope he’s a nice person.

Anna Williams: She has a boyfriend now I think. But that’s okay I’m honestly really happy for her. I really haven’t talked to her since that one date but hopefully we get close again.

She was this Sophomore in my Dance 2 class immediately noticed her when I walked in she was blonde, blue eyed and definitely hot lol. At the beginning of the class Ms Perosi told everyone to come on stage and form a circle and each person would go around saying there name then perform a dance move, then the next person goes repeating the person priors dance move and name and adding on to it. When we were going around it was actually Elijah who brought it up to the rest of us that Julia was probably the best looking girl in the class. And he was right I didn't even have to look at anybody else. Earlier I also heard that she was one the actual dancers in this class thats been dancing since she a child so already I was expecting alot out this girl. So when it came her turn for the circle she said her name and did the DULLEST Queen wave I have ever seen LOL my expectations went to shit right away. Next she split us up by fours (purposely separating my friends and I) and then told us that each group needs to come up with 4 counts of 8. Now I joined Dance 2 because I love to dance and I wanted to be with my friends but I didnt want to show off it was mostly for the easy A. But since I was the on of the only ones who actual danced in my group they all looked at me to make the choreography luckily Julia was in my group so basically looked at her and said “You got this right?” which took her by surprise but we ended up leading the group together. I was definitely really interested in what Julia could do dance wise but I could tell she really wasn't trying at all but from my conversation with her day she was funny, pretty and she’d actually play along with all of my sarcasm which was refreshing. I could honestly say I was interested then but coming from a recent breakup it was always blessing if something or someone could make me genuinely smile and laugh.

Its been so long since I've written here but its mostly cause ive been busy and ive actually felt happy for the first time in awhile. So right now im just going to recap whats lifes been like for me so.

I went to my ex’s house. I was actually the one who made the plans (first time in awhile). It wasn’t awkward or anything it felt like the old times, we talked and laughed, she showed me this acapella documentary that she enjoyed watching. I asked her if she still think I've changed since we broke up. And she told me that she was wrong and that I actually didn’t change that much. I think that’s really good thing. I still don’t think we’d be getting back together anytime soon, but it’s a small step forward in to reconnecting with her. Ironically enough Ysabel asked how we were doing right when I got home which I thought was a interesting coincidence lol

I realized something there though. She’s moved on. I thought it was time I do too. So i’ve been working on myself a lot more.

Photoshoots: Ever since that first time I went out with Josh and Saad ive been going to tons more. Idk its just something about exploring abandoned places that just seems fun and exciting plus you get dope ass pics for your instagram feed. One time a cop caught us jumping into the window of an abandoned building she was so aggressive because she asked for names,ages and addresses obviously lied about everything so im gucci lmao

Volleyball: I LOVE playing volleyball but last year I tried out for the team at school but I got cut but ever since the breakup I was deeply motivated to get better this time so ever Sunday since November Ive been going to the YMCA to practice playing Volleyball there with my friend Connor who was also on team. Eventually tryouts day came, and since it was my senior year its actually the hardest year to make the team but luckily I was killin it I got perfect passes and 10 out of 10 serves. 1 spike out of 5 but what do you expect from me lmao. So anyways I made the Varisty Volleyball team and played as a defensive specialist because I was still new to like legit volleyball games I was mostly on the bench but the one time I was put on a home game in front of my friends I made the SICKEST pancake and im so glad my dad recorded it. Lastly I actually got the Sportsmanship award during the sports awards for my hardwork and persistance lol

t’s been awhile since I updated this. But since I did, a lot happened. First thing first I applied to this program called Honors Living Learning Community. It’s program where they want you to develop leadership through cohorts. Idk but apparently they give you free housing which is crazy! I honestly was so lazy with applying but I did because I don’t want my mom to pay for my college fees or at least barely any. She pays for my cousins college tuition already and for my families expenses in the Philippines. So I want to be less of a bother.

Anyways there was a group interview for the first round of HLLC. But I have a story for you. First thing first I was super nervous going in I actually never been to any kind of interview at all till that day. So, when they were describing what was was happening at the interview there was this girl laughing that I noticed a couple seats behind me to my left. She was talking to some dude who was probably trying to get with her. But I could see why. Idk I found her laugh really cute tbh. So then the Dean splits us into groups and low and behold that fucking girl is in my group! Like what are the chances! I swear my life is scripted sometimes. But yeah so basically we around the group talking about our values, passions and dreams. Funny enough though at the same time I was answering the questions I was also trying to listen to how she answered questions to figure out what kind of person she was. She seemed really passionate when she was talking about immigration which I think was really cool I really resonated with that since I can relate. I think she wants to be a lawyer. I remember thinking if anyone is going to make it out of this interview it’s probably going to be her. Lastly I found out her name was Anna. The interview ended and I think that I did alright. Everyone was trying really hard to make themselves look really perfect sometimes too perfect. Idk my angle was I was really genuine about my values, I hoped that didn’t ruin my chances but I wanted to be different then everybody else. As we were walking out of the interview I met up with my friend Frankie who also interviewed but in a different group and I told him about that cute girl and he asked me if I was able to get her number or at least her snapchat. I told him I didn’t and he said “WHATS WRONG WITH YOU”. I also happened to forget my peacoat at the room so I ran back to get it and hopefully see her and ask her for her number. I actually did run in to her but she was with her mom and her dad and that really wasn’t the time. I met her parents though, they seemed really nice. Anna was really nice too. So I sadly retrieved my jacket and told Frankie I didn’t see her. I remember thinking I missed my chance and I probably will never see her again. Because the chances of us both passing from the same group and then seeing each other again in the second round of interviews was so low.

Like I said before, my life is scripted. I made it to the second round and the first person I see in the waiting room there was her... We both recognized each other immediately and we just started talking. We talked about how her mom worked at Rutgers and what we thought about the interviews. Mind you the whole time I was sweating buckets because I trying really hard to slip in a way for me to ask for her number but I chickened out but asked for her snapchat instead. It works but dammit Lance. We finished our second round interviews, wished each other good luck and told each other we would talk later. Before you know it I have her number too and we’re talking almost every day. It was honestly really nice. It’s been awhile since I’ve been like this. I honestly thought I would never be like this again. Not like I was in love with her or anything more like I never thought I’d ever be excited enough to get to know someone new.

I actually ended up asking on a date. I was still pretty guarded so I decided to meet with her somewhere familiar and meet up at menlo mall which she didn’t live too far from. Smash burger just opened up there and she wanted to try it out and I haven’t ate there yet so I thought it was perfect. We met at barnes and nobles and she looked great. We headed over to Smash burger and she was so dorky and clumsy but I actually admired that trait a lot. It makes me feel like im not the only one like that LOL. Like for example she was eating and a burger saying how she felt awkward when people look at her and eat and I was like your fine! But the minute I said that the whole contents of her burger fell out and some lettuce got stuck to her face. It was beautiful LOL. She must of felt really awkward and that I was judging her but I really wasn’t  I was having a good time up until that point. We walked around the mall more after that but since eating I could feel the awkwardness when we talked. I started to wonder if it was me. (In hindsight I shouldn’t have because it made me start being awkward) 

She then tells me if she wants to go look at phone cases at Verizon because she wanted to buy one for her grandma. I didn’t mind. So we go there and she asks the man working there if could buy phone case and this freaking guy said we have to schedule an appointment! So she asks if it was okay if we do that and of course I said yes because I didn’t mind. So we sat on the couch and talked again. The conversation was nice again but the minute wait turned into 10 minute wait and then into a 30 minute wait and then suddenly an hour. I really think the awkwardness was proportionate to the time we spent there because once the hour came by I ended talking about our past relationships and I really got into talking about my ex. It made me realize I wasn’t really over her. I honestly  was sad. Anna was great but after that conversation I started talking different I let my past feelings get the best of me. We got the phone case and the date ended and we both without saying anything about it kinda ghosted each other. I really regret talking about my ex. I hope I didn’t ruin things with Anna but I felt like I did. I don’t know maybe one day in the future something will happen. She was really amazing so I hope we could at least stay friends. Luckily even though I was wait listed we both made it to the HLLC. But I had to focus on what I felt at the time and it was

1/11/16

My school is having a volleyball tournament for the seniors tomorrow. I really really want to win or at least play more than one game. The thing is though the teams are divided by homeroom so it’s really just luck who you get in your roster. My team is eh so I went try hard and planned out our rotations LOL. Trying not to take no shorts tomorrow. Other than that today I want on a spontaneous photo shoot with Josh and Saad, the pictures came out really good. I enjoy the places we shoot because the views from the rooftops are amazing plus it makes my instagram feed A1.

Today was pretty okay. I feel like I’m beginning to get over the break up. But I know for a fact that I still love her. It’s really just figuring out where to place her in my life. I don’t know if I should try to make the effort of being close friends with her or forget she even existed. To put it in perspective I feel like our relationship is like how Ted and Robin’s is after they broke up. Anyways I guess i’m venting here because I feel bad for venting to my friends cause they always hear the same shit from me.

If there is anyone at all that’s keeps up with this blog. Just know that it’s not going to be used as my sad dumpster anymore (well at least not as often). I plan to just dot down events and thoughts that happen over the course of my senior year starting tomorrow.