clinging to happiness

He knew this feeling all too well. After all, he did experience something like this a long, long time ago.

However, this time around, Vergil felt it was even more difficult than ever before.

It was one of those days when he just couldn't control his temper. The simplest things would easily annoy him, and the deadliest words would just spill out of his mouth uncontrollably, regardless of who was present.

Maybe it's just old age or frustration getting the better of him, or maybe it's his brother's incompetence in many things that pulls the two of them down as Devil Hunters but, whatever the case, he just couldn't explain why he explodes like that at times. Yes, that's the word. He just explodes.

Sadly, the last time he did that was when (Y/N) was around.

Actually, the girl didn't do anything wrong. She didn't step out of the line. However, the way his brother lingered to her, the way he touched her, the way he looked at her, it just,... sets him off. Normally, Vergil could withstand his brother's suspicious behavior towards (Y/N) but, this time, he felt,... different.

After all, he knew this feeling all too well. He experienced something like this a long, long time ago.

However, this time around, Vergil felt it was even more difficult than ever before.

Needless to say, the moment Vergil let out those poisonous words that threatened to burn his throat like acid, he felt as if someone just poured hot water right on top of his head. He felt so hot all over, he could feel his anger coursing through each and every part of his body beginning from his veins to the tips of his fingers and toes. He felt so close to exploding, to triggering, and yet, the moment he saw the tears dangerously coming out of her (E/C) - colored eyes, he instantly felt his heart dropping to the darkest pit of his stomach. The moment she ran away, scared of what he has become right before her and Dante, Vergil felt this deathly coldness seeping through those same veins that brought the heat of wrath all over his body. And when she ran away from him in fear like that, he felt a precious part of his being leaving him forever.

Precious,...

Was (Y/N) that precious to him? He didn't know.

All he knew was whenever she's with him, he feels very calm. When she's around, he feels this warm sensation glowing deep within his core. All those negative thoughts that constantly plague his head, of darkness, and evil, and danger, would instantly leave his body, to be filled with warmth, and something very soft and tender that he couldn't quite explain. In a very short time, (Y/N) has become a very bright beacon for Vergil. The beacon that calms his mind, and gives him a feeling of reassurance that everything would be fine despite the chaotic state of his being.

In all honesty, Vergil wanted to surprise her. He wanted to give her a little something for Christmas. After all, she has done so much for him during the past few months, even when he was still not the man he is now. After acquiring those memories from V, he realized how much she has cared for him. How she took care of him when he's wounded. How she fed him when he's starving and how she clothed him when he felt cold. How she stayed with him despite all difficulties and how she remained by his side during all those trials. And even when she first met the real Vergil, she did her best to understand the situation. Despite her confusion, she did her best to learn about his kin and the truth, and darkness, behind his family name.

And even when she found out the things he has done in the past, she chose to remain by his side. She chose to believe in him.

She chose to always be there for him.

However, Vergil knew he's becoming such a burden towards her.

More so, he's becoming more and more volatile towards her when Dante's around.

Dropping the Yamato on the ground next to his feet, he collapsed and went down on his knees, his chest hurting as the image of her crying popped into his head.

Just earlier after his outburst, Dante tried to reason with him. His brother tried to calm him. As a matter of fact, Dante received a few slashes from him before his senses finally resurfaced. Through his hyper sensitive eyes, he noticed his brother helpless on the ground, refusing to fight, and still trying to reason with him.

And through his hazy mind, he saw her anguished face once again. Begging him to stop. Begging him to listen to her.

Right then and there, Vergil morphed back to his human form, drew the Yamato, and made a portal to this isolated place where no one dared to follow him.

It was the place where he separated his human self from his demonic self all those months ago.

And as he knelt there, regretting all the actions he has done, he thought of nothing but (Y/N).

Of how much he wanted to see her smiling again. Of how much he wanted to spend the rest of the day with her. Of how much he wanted to feel her frail body against him. Of how much he wanted to feel protected and loved.

Protected and loved,... by her.

But he has messed up. His jealousy,... has driven her away,...

Yes, jealousy, that's the word.

Jealousy has driven Vergil Sparda mad.

How would he get her back? How could he explain everything to her? Would she even believe him? Would she even listen to him?

"Vergil?"

There. Just now, he heard her soft and tender voice. Oh, how he missed that sweet, sweet voice of hers.

"Vergil, are you alright?"

And even his mind was playing tricks on him. How could she know where he was? Unless,...

The man scrambled to his feet, turned around, and saw none other than her, (Y/N) herself, in the flesh.

But,... how?

She gave him a little smile as she made small steps towards him, probably still wary of him and how he would possibly react.

This made Vergil wince. Has he really fallen low enough to make her frightened of him like that?

"I don't understand." Vergil began as he watched her get closer and closer towards him. "You didn't have to follow me here,... "

Her nose bridge wrinkled ever so slightly at what he just said.

Oh, how adorable she looked doing that,...

"But, I'm here for you." She said as she looked up at him, her eyes ever so gentle and her voice ever so soft.

"I don't even deserve you." Vergil answered. "Do I,... even deserve you?"

(Y/N) sighed as she shook her head. Fishing something from her pocket, she said, "I thought I would wait until midnight to give you this but," From her pocket, she produced a small gift he reckoned she wrapped herself and gingerly handed it to him. Placing her hands behind her back, she nodded at the little present in his hands. And with that adorable little smile of hers, she went on, " ... I guess there's no better time than tonight, right?"

A series of words came out as mere mumbles from Vergil's mouth as he looked at the gift then at her, then back at the gift once more, and this made her chuckle.

"Go on! Open it." She invited.

With a deep breath, Vergil placed his fingers on the little bow and carefully pulled it loose, letting the soft fabric wrapper fall flat on his palm.

What he saw confused him at first. It was nothing more than a small bundle of handmade bookmarks of all shapes and sizes.

How - ?

Then, he finally remembered. He finally remembered, and it actually made his eyes sting.

"Do you remember this?" (Y/N) began as she pointed at one particular bookmark that looked like a bird. "We both made this one to look like Griffon. I remember he was so annoyed by this, he actually tried to rip it apart!"

"(Y/N), I,... " You,… you kept these bookmarks,… all this time?

"Oh! And this one." She went on, now pointing at a gun shaped bookmark made from colorful pages of old magazines. "I remember there was a storm. We couldn't go out so we borrowed some of Nico's old Artisan magazines, and we were inspired to make our very own weapon. But, we're not Artisans, so, instead, we made this to pass the time! Do you remember, Vergil?"

"I - "

"And this one." She said, pointing at a Christmas tree shaped bookmark. "Do you remember this?"

Vergil closed his eyes, still trying to contain the emotions that were flooding out. He nodded, simply because he couldn't trust his voice.

"It was my idea." Vergil said, his voice hoarse and low. "I told you I'd buy as much books as I can with my own earnings as a Devil Hunter and spend the holidays reading them with you."

Vergil waited for her answer, and a few moments later, a smile creeped up on the corner of her lips. "Well, the books are ready, if you still want to come home with me."

"W - what do you mean? What is - ?"

"Umm, I mean, there's comedy, and tragedy, romance, poetry, of course, and those comics you saw at the local book shop once. The Far Side series. I got all your requests."

"I had no idea back then if I would live long enough to experience this day with you." Vergil added, his emotions betraying him.

"Hmm? You're here with me, right now."

"I knew I was at death's door, and I didn't want you to worry."

"But, you came back."

"And I was a terrible, terrible man." Vergil went on, trying to ignore the pain in his chest. The pain of bottling up all of his emotions.

The girl tilted her head to the side. "Why would you say that?"

"I,... hurt you! Despite everything you did for me, I still made you cry. I don't,... deserve someone as good as you!" Finally letting the painful truth go, Vergil sighed and gave her a pleading look. "I want you to have a happy life together with the man you love. I don't ever want you to experience pain, or suffering, or sadness. I want the best for you.

"(Y/N),... it's the best I could do for you for everything you've done for a,... shameful,... and tainted man,... such as myself."

There. The words were out, and honestly, Vergil felt so stupid for saying those.

And (Y/N)?

Well, the girl seemed to agree with him on that!

"W - what's so funny?" Vergil mumbled in embarrassment as he watched the girl control her mirth. "D - do I have s - something on my face?"

"Oh, you are a terrible, terrible liar, Vergil!" She spoke through her laughter.

Ah, it seems I have lost to her yet again,... "And what do you want me to say?! (Y/N), be with Dante because you deserve each other? Go out, spread the happy news, and,... multiply?!"

"Who told you I like Dante?!" The girl went on as if she's mocking Vergil's words.

Ah, so much for letting out those crushing and painful feelings,...

"Well, do you?!"

"Oh, dear, of course, I do! But, only as a friend." The girl informed him, then rolled her eyes. "And who said anything about," she stepped closer, dangerously closer, towards him and pressed an accusing finger against his forehead. Which looked very cute, considering the gap in their heights. " ... MULTIPLYING WITH YOUR BROTHER?!"

"Y - you mean, y - you're not in love with Dante?" And once again, Vergil felt he was back in middle - school, confessing to his very first crush.

Once again, Vergil heard her laughter. And her loveable snort. Oh, how he missed the sound and the sight,...

Then, without warning, Vergil felt something very soft and sweet, the taste of cherries, and,... chocolate? Against his lips. Then, the flowery scent of her hair assaulted his nostrils. Her smooth arms went around his neck, and he slightly felt her weight when she clung to him. He closed his eyes, wrapped his muscular arms around her shapely waist, held her oh so close to his chest, and finally,... finally! Moved his lips against hers.

Heaven. It felt as if he has died and gone straight to Heaven. He, a sinful man who has committed grave mistakes in the past, was being showered with love and affection by the loveliest Angel he has ever met.

With the rhythm of their lips and the soft moans of the girl he loved, Vergil felt that a great blessing has just entered his life.

Yes, he may have lied to her about him wanting her to be happy with someone else. Yes, he told her that he didn't deserve someone as good as her. But, deep inside, he wanted to be hers, and hers alone. He wanted to hold her like this for the rest of his life. He wanted to do more than read those books with her. He wanted the two of them to make their own stories, together. And,... more.

Vergil opened his eyes and saw her pouty lips as he broke the kiss that seemed to go on forever in their heads.

"I,... have a little surprise for you, as well." He revealed, his voice sounding as satisfied as it can be.

"Really? What is it?"

The corner of Vergil's lips curled up in a mischievous smirk, and this sent delicious shivers down (Y/N)'s spine.

"Oh, my love, you can keep guessing until we get back home." Vergil teased as he carried (Y/N) like a Princess.

"My love, stop being a tease and at least, give me a hint." The girl teased back with a mischievous smile of her own.

My love.

Those,... were the sweetest words he has ever heard in his entire, miserable life.

"You want a hint!" Vergil exclaimed theatrically, planting a chaste kiss on her forehead. "Let's say it's something you'll be mesmerized with for the rest of the evening,... "

***

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