I'm gonna be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing.

My ao3 is: im_not_ditzy

It’s the same as my tumblr. 😁 (I recently changed my ao3 user, btw.) I only have one fic right now, but more to come hopefully! Thanks for the ask. 😄

(TW: mentions of death, brief mentions of murder gang violence)

No but really if you ask a street rat, literal living lighting, a bunch of ancient immortal people and a really wise king from a bajillion years ago, why would a reasonable answer be an option?

Like Billy thinks that if you’re 60 one of your feet are in the grave. Why? Because that was the life expectancy in the 50s. He's also homeless so he’s already more exposed to crime anyway, I wouldn’t doubt he thinks death by “minding someone else’s business” is common enough to be recorded as such in its own category and not murder. Also, he literally fights supervillains who try to kill him everyday? His view is skewed so much, that the damage might be irreversible. 😭

Moving on, Marvel is literally sentient magic. They can’t die, and if they can it’s not a thing that’s very easy to come by. The amount of work it takes to even do the equivalent of a paper cut is excessive, the concept of them dying would take a lot to set in. And they are a lost cause when it comes to knowing what a normal death is. The only “normal” deaths they’ve really paid attention to are the deaths of the Champions…and none of them had anything close to a normal death. (One of them literally gets hacked in two 💀)

The acronym; do I even have to explain? All of them besides Solomon, Heracles and Achilles literally haven’t died. And literally no hero in Greek mythology dies normally. Solomon is the only one who’s died of natural and normal causes, but he was alive in the BCE. That is a long time ago.

Now, Combine all of them together and what do you get? Captain Marvel: someone who does not have a correct interpretation of typical death!

This would probably concern others around them. Especially the JL, because I feel like Captain would mention this randomly.

—

(Green Lantern [Hal] and Captain Marvel were sent to investigate a crime scene together and they stumble upon the body.)

Captain Marvel: Aw…seems like their time came. (Captain’s got a sympathetic but large smile.)

Green Lantern (looking down at the stabbed body): Um, Cap?

Captain: It’s a shame. But I guess nothing could be done…

Lantern: Captain, they were stabbed???

Captain: Oh, I know. Happens to the best of people, right?

Lantern: Uh —No? Captain this is…worrying??

Captain: They’re in a better place now. Maybe.. ☺️

—

(They’re now back at the watchtower for a debrief, but it somehow turned into Batman questioning Captain Marvel.)

Batman: Captain can you explain why the body was not concerning to you?

(Batman’s staring at Captain intensely.)

Captain (confused smiling): …because there was nothing to worry about?

Batman (raising an eyebrow): Why?

Captain (hesitant): Because there’s probably not a serial killer or whatever running around? They killed an insider, it was gang violence.

Batman: How were you sure?

(Captain looks up to the side like their remembering before shrugging)

Captain: …Oh, I’ve seen similar bodies like that before.

—

(This occurrence is reason #5738 on why Captain Marvel cannot interact with civilians. But in Captain’s defense, how was Billy supposed to know lifespans updated?)

Captain Marvel (pointing at an “old” lady): Oh, she’s 62?

Citizen: Yeah?

Captain (sympathetic): Oh. It’s good she’s still on her feet though.

Citizen: What?

Captain: She’s thriving for her age, right?

Citizen: C—Captain Marvel, she’s 60 not 99. She just retired.

Captain (confused): Really? Why would they have her working so long if she’s nearing the end? (The lady turns around with this expression on her face: 😟)

Citizen: Because she wanted to?? Captain are you ageist?

Captain (never heard that word a day in his life): Uh, I don’t think so? What does that even mean??

(The media later somehow gets ahold of the footage and it becomes such a scandal it reaches the JL; Captain Marvel is then forced to have a public statement. At the giant press conference, Mary and Freddy are there standing next to him and laughing.)

Captain Marvel (whispering): Shut up, it’s not like you thought any different.

Miss Marvel (also whispering): Yeah but we’re not stupid enough to say it to their face, Captain.

Captain Marvel (still whispering): It’s not like you guys would have any less scandals than I do if you were in the media as much as I am.

Reporter (impatiently): Ahem. Marvels?

(Both siblings look like deer in headlights while Freddy laughs at them. They both apologize in unison.)

(Captain then clears their throat, they look like they’re dreading this.)

Captain Marvel: I am terribly sorry for what I said about [62yo citizen]. I hadn’t intended to be rude, but I seemed as such because I had a gap in my…

Solomon (telling him what to say): …Knowledge. I was under the assumption that the average lifespan wasn’t much longer than a person’s 60s…

Captain (repeating what Solomon’s saying): I now know that, while once true, that information is outdated.

What if a Greek Chorus chose Captain Marvel as the focus of their narration? This could be due to a magic mess up and now they’re stuck talking about The Champion for a while, but I’d like to think that they’re just extremely bored ghosts of prestigious Chorus members who have nothing better to do. Like all of a sudden they’re just haunting Billy and narrating whatever he’e doing in such a dramatized way.

Context for the post/Brief history lesson:

(Shortened version: A Greek Chorus is a group of people who act almost like narrators, speaking about the main elements or the takeaways throughout a play. They spoke in unison to carry their voices better. They had multiple ways to communicate the takeaways, this post focuses on speech and body movement.)

(Example)

*A media example are the muses from Disney’s Hercules. (Except the members of the Greek Choir don’t sing.)

—-

History lesson, done! Now onto the post.

—

Billy: sits down on his old mattress

Chorus: The young boy strew himself along as he perched upon his withered bed. The pesky jabs of fatigue and exhaustion’s claws bore at the young one as his body ceased to relent its constant shivers. 😔

(A few of the ghosts have their hands on their foreheads like they’re about to faint, the rest are shivering like they’re a moment away from hypothermia.) Billy: I’m not even that tired, and my bed is fine???

Chorus (puts hands on their unbeating hearts): To appreciate sanity at mind, the poor youngling deluded himself. Choosing to experience the world in a more gentle perception than what has been given to him. Billy: Oh knock it off!

—

(Captain Marvel/Billy saves a cat out of a tree.)

Billy: …Did I lose them?

(The Chorus pokes theirs heads out from behind the tree)

Billy (clutching his pearls): Gah!

Chorus: In a swift moment of honorable heart, The Champion draws the feeble cat, and all of its quivering self, out of the tall and winding Maple. The daint kitten’s form consumed by the engulfing man, forgoes its fear as it slows stills in warmth.

Billy: That was so NOT cool!

(Random citizens watching Captain Marvel get spooked at absolutely nothing and hearing the echo of a group of ominous voices): Hm. Seems like the Captain’s schizophrenia has gotten worse. It’s materializing now.

—

Imagine during this catastrophe there’s a meeting at the Watchtower. Billy begging his pantheon to do something and their just like…

Atlas: Sorry Billy, there’s nothing more we can do.

Zeus: Shut up Atlas, you know no more than a grapefruit. But also there’s nothing more we can do, Billy.

Heracles: Do not fret however, this is very typical for beloved heroes!

Achilles: Yes, besides the ghost ordeal and the obvious-continuous stalking, this is very common.

(This is actually apart of my AU lol)

But what if Billy didn’t know Shazam, the Wizard, was actually dead? Like maybe he did see Shazam get crushed by rocks but he just thinks a Wizard could survive that, Or he doesn’t remember meeting Shazam for whatever reason. (Like he knows it happened because his pantheon told him so, and he remembers like a tiny bit of being at the RoE, but maybe he doesn’t remember Shazam dying)

This would be kinda funny to think about, especially if the pantheon’s trying desperately not to let Billy know Shazam died. But they occasionally slip up, and each time they do Billy gets slightly more suspicious. Also, in my AU since Billy and Marvel and separate entities, I think it would be funny aswell if Marvel didn’t know either. (—which I do have an AU explanation to make it work, but I fear I may be getting too off track already.)

—

Heracles: Shazam was a good wizard.

Marvel: Was?

Heracles: IS, is. I simply misspoke—Shazam is a good wizard.

Marvel: Oh… 🧐

Billy: 🤨

—

Imagine if literally every other magic being knows Shazam’s dead, but Captain’s just none the wiser and tries to talk to them about the Wizard.

—

Zatanna: So…how’d you get your powers?

Billy (as Cap): Oh, by this Wizard, his name’s, uh…

grabs a piece of paper and scribbles the name down

Zatanna: Shazam?

Billy: Yup! Gave me my powers, have you heard of him? I think he’s very well known. I haven’t seen him in a while. Hope he’s still doing alright.

Zatanna (Going pale at the mention of a very much dead Wizard being referred to in present tense): Mhm….yeah…

—

(the league in the cafeteria, listening to one of the rare times they got Captain to talk about themself. —Billy’s just procrastinating going outside in the midwestern November cold.)

Billy: So I got my powers from this Wizard, his names…um. I think I told Zatanna? Captain looks over at her.

Zatanna (going pale): Really. I don’t remember.

Billy: Oh, okay, that’s fine! Here.

Grabs a piece of paper and scribbles down the name.

Superman: Shazam?

Every magic user in the cafeteria freezes.

Billy: Yeah! He’s the wizard who gave me my powers. I haven’t seen him since I became Captain Marvel, though. I should really go talk to him, maybe I’ll do that later.

****

Achilles: But what if we didn’t…

Hercules: How about we don’t…

Solomon: That wouldn’t be a good choice, Billy.

Zeus: I agree, you’d be just of a fool as Atlas to go.

Atlas (offended): Wow.

****

Tagged By: @im-not-buying-it-ether

Last Song: Aleph or Brutus

Favorite Color: Pink

Last Book: Scary stories to tell in the dark

Last Movie: I don’t remember (I don’t watch movies 😭)

Last TV Show: Animal Planet

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Sweet, no hesitation

Relationship Status: Alone

Last Thing I Googled: “pharmakos”

Current Obsession: Animals and random things from history (Still Billy obsessed though)

Looking Forward To: Finishing my fic

Tagging: @chaoticallyfluffy @toobytoobs @cerealboxlore @puppetwoman17

So this post includes Billy & Marvel being separate minds but share bodies.

Anyways, imagine if some villain tried to put Captain under hypnosis? I have a few ideas on how it would go, but let’s start in order.

Only Billy is mind controlled.

It’s immediately foiled.

It’s so obvious that it just doesn’t work 90% of the time.

Okay, #1. Only Billy is mind controlled. Now, since Billy is the only like somewhat regular dude in the Captain Marvel body, I feel like he’d be the only one vulnerable to mind control. All of the gods, plus Solomon and Marvel are immune. So whenever someone tries to control Captain Marvel, Billy’s the only one affected.

This could turn into the pantheon trying to stop Billy from making any dumb choices while ridding the threat.

It would look so odd from the outside, too. Because Marvel and Billy’s control keeps fluctuating, as they fight to control their body. it would look like Captain was having a seizure or something.

Villain: Hahah! Captain Marvel is now under my control! Think of all the mayhem we will cause!

Captain: (immediately stops moving.)

WW: Captain?

Captain: (starts shaking)

Batman: Captain Marvel?

Captain (still shaking): don’t worry my fellow people this is purely temporary 🙂

Captain (internally):

Billy: Nuke the city, nuke the city! 😈

Marvel: Billy I beg of you, stop this. What even is a nuke?

Billy: Bomb the universe 👹

—

#2, it’s immediately foiled.

Like it doesn’t even last for a second. It doesn’t work on Captain Marvel, or Billy.

Villain: Now, with my miraculous mind control powers, Captain Marvel along with the rest of the Justice League are no match for me! Villain puts hands against their head and does the circular ray thing, aiming for Captain Marvel.

Flash: Watch out, Cap!

Captain (Was busy listening to Atlas get ganged up on): Huh?

Captain gets hit by the ray.

Captain: Yeesh! My brain feels oddly itchy. Villain: You don’t feel…differently? Like the need to destroy the Justice League?

Captain (Perfectly fine): No..? Should I? Villain: But…that’s impossible! He should be under my control!

GL: Doesn’t seem like he is, buddy. Now you’re off to jail.

—

#3, it’s so obvious it’s immediately foiled.

This one is loosely based on the Fawcettoon hc, but it’s just Captain being a bit silly.

Before you vote! Read the bolded.

Hey guys! Sorry for disappearing lol, but I’ve been working on my Halloween fic - It’s a LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD fic and I’m kinda stuck with a choice that I feel like you guys should get to decide on since you’re going to be reading it. THE TWO CHOICES (read the bolded parts if you don’t feel like reading a lot)

The first choice is a scene where Billy meets a homeless guy with a dog. Since this is a creepy fic, the guy is creepy and so is the dog. -The man shouts a seemingly “random” thing at people who walk near him. More often than not it’s an animal. His dog, is also kinda…undoglike. It doesn’t act like…normal. But, it’s probably nothing. BE WARNED! This is the shorter scene of the two. (Both scenes are objectively interesting, btw.) BUT, since it’s shorter it means the fic may be done quicker and on time for Halloween!

The second choice is a scene where Billy meets a farmer boy and whoever hangs out at his farm goes missing eventually. He tells Billy a creepy story while walking Billy through his farm. He wants to show Billy something really “cool” he found on the farm. BE WARNED! This is the longer scene of the two. BUT, since it’s longer it means the fic may NOT be done in time for Halloween.

Captain paused, as they touched the ground of the ruined park, a consequence of the ended battle.

“What did you say?” Billy asked, Captain nodded in the shared interest.

 The person whispered, quietly.

“I'm sorry, I can’t understand you.” Billy admitted, a small tinge of upset budded within himself. He paused, bringing his attention to Marvel. 

There was a loose smile laid on Captain’s face which seemed to indicate Marvel understood as much as Billy did. 

“Who are you?” Billy asked.

They replied, but he couldn’t hear.

The loose smile fell into a nervous one, and Billy was beginning to feel redundant, “I’m sorry…Can you please speak up?” He asked, timidly.

“𝔶o҉𝔲…҉ f҉𝔦n҉𝔞l҉𝔩y҉ t҉𝔥e҉ w҉𝔦n҉𝔡 𝔥a҉𝔰 𝔢c҉𝔥o҉𝔢d҉ t҉𝔥e҉ w҉𝔬r҉𝔡s҉ o҉𝔣 𝔱h҉𝔢 𝔲n҉𝔦v҉𝔢r҉𝔰e҉, 𝔱h҉𝔢 𝔰n҉𝔞k҉𝔢 𝔥a҉𝔰 𝔟i҉𝔱t҉𝔢n҉ i҉𝔱s҉ t҉𝔞i҉𝔩.҉ t҉𝔥e҉ e҉𝔫d҉ w҉𝔦t҉𝔥 𝔱h҉𝔢 𝔟e҉𝔤i҉𝔫n҉𝔦n҉𝔤 𝔞s҉ t҉𝔥e҉𝔶 𝔢x҉𝔦s҉𝔱 𝔱o҉𝔤e҉𝔱h҉𝔢r҉ i҉𝔫 𝔦m҉𝔭e҉𝔯m҉𝔞n҉𝔢n҉𝔠e҉…” They whispered.

Captain narrowed their eyes as they tried to decipher what the unknown voice said.

 “Uh…I…I’m sorry, you’re confusing me.” Billy paused, “Impermanence? Did you say that?”

“𝔡a҉𝔯e҉ i҉ s҉𝔭e҉𝔞k҉ l҉𝔬u҉𝔡e҉𝔯?҉ y҉𝔢s҉ i҉ d҉𝔬 𝔡a҉𝔯e҉, 𝔦n҉𝔡e҉𝔢d҉. 𝔫o҉ r҉𝔢g҉𝔯e҉𝔱s҉ m҉𝔞y҉ r҉𝔦d҉𝔡l҉𝔢 𝔪y҉ f҉𝔲n҉𝔠t҉𝔦o҉𝔫l҉𝔢s҉𝔰 𝔟o҉𝔡y҉…”

Marvel blinked again, eyes widening too, almost in registration. 

The words made Billy wonder if he was hard of hearing or just too light in the head. His confusion was interrupted as the odd voice spoke again. 

“Iḿṕéŕḿáńéńćé, ӳőú áńd í. Áś ẃéĺĺ áś ćőńtŕádíćtíőńś, főŕ í éxíśt főŕévéŕ áńd ńő évéŕḿőŕé. I bŕéáthé thŕőúǵh ḿӳ hőńőŕ áńd áḿ śháṕéd thŕőúǵh thé ćŕúéĺ ẃőŕdś— I, á tőŕtúŕéd śőúĺ, ḿáӳ ńévéŕ ŕéśt. Bút ít íś áĺĺ I ćáń dő…á ŕéśtĺéśś ḿíńd, á áćtíőńĺéśś bődӳ. Téĺĺ ḿé, á féĺĺőẃ ṕŕédíćtéd śőúĺ, thé ẃáӳ ẃé fúĺfíĺĺ thé díŕéćtíőń őf thé úńívéŕśé. I ẃőńdéŕ íś thé úńívéŕśé át thé éńd őf thé śtŕíńǵ?”

Billy started to feel like a fool. The words, Billy didn’t get what any of them meant. He wanted to frown, despite his incapability to do so at that moment, he had too many questions and no way of answers. Goodness, the words didn’t make any sense anymore.

“Captain?” 

Captain Marvel’s head swung toward the voice, and their eyes landed on Superman.

“…Yes?” They muttered, sheepishly scratching the back of their neck. The look in Superman’s eyes and the furrow of his brows made Billy want to squirm, and Marvel began to fidget on their feet. 

The voice spoke up again, no more coherent than the last, “Thé štörÿ thé qüîłł háš ćréátéd áñd šîgñéd för ÿöü, îñtrîgüéš mé. Wîłł ÿöür démîšé bé áš hörrîfîć áñd grüéšömé áš thé pášt wéré? Wîłł ît bé bÿ ÿöür öwñ háñd, á háñd töö šîmîłár tö mÿ öwñ? Ör šháłł ÿöür špîrît ñévér röám thé Röćk öf Étérñîtÿ, —för étérñîtÿ… Î šháłł wáłk wîth ÿöü, îf ñöt.” The voice paused, “Ör wöüłd wé škîp? Höwévér háš thé évéñt bééñ šćrîptéd? Öh, pérhápš théÿ’d áłłöw mé tö táké á péék. Thé hörrîbłé šîght ćöüłd błéšš mÿ éÿéš áš Î göügé thém áftérwárd…” The voice droned, a smile present in their tone.

Billy sighed internally, and Marvel did the same.

“Ñéw Ćhámpîöñ. Ćhámpîöñ. Thát wáš mÿ tîtłé öñćé, ñö ñümbér, ñö łégáćÿ tö öwñ. Î ám thé réášöñ för ÿöür éxîštéñćé, béćáüšé Î ám á fáîłüré. Fáîłüré, áłł Ćhámpîöñš áré fáîłüréš, máÿ Î fáîł. Máÿ ÿöü fáîł. Máÿ thé ñéxt fáîł šö théré áré öthérš tö fáîł. Fáîłîñg îš á ćöñšéqüéñćé öf bréáthîñg, áñd thîš îš öñłÿ trüé bÿ mÿ áćtîöñ. Łîštéñ tö mé, łîštéñ tö mé.” The voice repeated that last part over and over and over and over an—again. 

Billy wanted to frown, the voice was wearing him down like an old shoe. The person was still speaking nonsense, or was it nonsense, yes it was nonsense. And Billy started to feel bad for the voice, despite the reasons why he shouldn’t have because he knew their words were rooted in reality, they seemed out of it.

Billy decided to focus on someone else, and shifted his attention to Superman. He was looking at them, oddly. 

“Captain, can you hear me?”

What a silly question, of course he could. Adults often did a thing where they asked pointless questions to him, maybe Superman had entertained the habit, too. 

Billy responded this time, “Yes, Superman. You’re perfectly heard, fine, for sure.” And they gave him a toothy smile.

That didn’t stop the look. “I…” He cut himself off, “Okay, Captain.” 

Good, Billy thought, maybe he understood now. 

Captain smiled wider.

Something landed in the grass before them and their eyes focused on it. The shiny golden liquid began to drip onto the ground as if it was watering the grass at their feet. 

The golden substance seemed familiar. 

The liquid continued to drip past their eyes, and rain onto the floor.

“Captain?” 

“Hm?” Marvel looked up, staring Superman in the eyes.

His tone became…harsher, “Are you alright?” He said.

Marvel nodded, which caused something to trickle down their forehead and down the sides of their head. 

Did they move their head into the gold rain?

Superman spoke, “Captain Marvel, can you look at me?” 

Billy was certain Superman was doing the thing now, the adult thing.

So, Captain Marvel laughed. “I am.” They replied.

As they laughed, the liquid shook down their head and fell down their neck. 

Captain raised their arm, and tapped their forehead.

They stopped, eyes wide.

Captain’s the only one who shows up to the missions on Halloween in costume and everyone just stares at them.

( Superman: Captain it’s good you’re here, we really need you here right now, the invaders seem to have an ungodly amount of— what are you wearing?

Captain Marvel: It’s my Halloween costume! Can you guess what I am? Superman (off guard): Oh uhm, tiger?

Captain Marvel: Yup, good guess! Say, why am I the only one dressed up?

League: . . . )

The whole Leagues there in regular clothes and Captains just in costume, tiger onesie and all.

It would be so funny when this 6 to 7 feet tall (depends on how Cap’s feeling that day), muscular man in a cute orange tiger onesie and face paint, starts knocking out villains.

it would be even funnier if they used magic trickery too because it was Halloween. Like a lightning bolt strikes them and drains the villains youth making them old, or they start coughing out candy.

For one, Billy treats every fight like a street fight: nothing is off limits. The boy will bite, scratch, kick, and claw. He fights dirty, and he will throw anything he can at you. His moves are unpolished, based on pure instinct or what matters in the moment, which makes his moves unpredictable — atleast until someone finds a pattern.

But Marvel, they fight in the ancient technique of Pankration. (Pankration is an Ancient Greek fighting technique, which is a combination of wrestling and boxing. It used to be in the Olympics and apart of Ancient Greece battle technique. It has limited rules and sometimes fights resulted in death. Olympic wins were usually counted by submission or knockouts. It is also said Heracles and Theseus used this fighting method in myths) The fighting style’s devastating and outright brutal. But it gets the job done, and is very intimidating—meaning it’s the perfect fit for the Champion of Magic. But for a friendly superhero? Not really.

It’s not like Captain Marvel can win here either, it’s between fighting like a street rat with no rules or fighting like you’re still in Ancient Greece, when everyone lacked entertainment and morals. Which are both pretty bad, because the choices are:

Captain Marvel, the superhero whose never uttered a curse word in public, gotten rude or actually expressed any strong negative emotion, clawing at a supervillain like their on the verge of death and the one thing they’ll do before slipping away from the world is taking the villain with them. They’re kicking, thrashing and…biting? Biting. They are kicking, thrashing and biting using pure fight or flight instinct with sparse strikings of lightning pounding down from the sky. or

Captain Marvel, the guy whose nickname is “The Big Red Cheese” and poorly hides a grimace every time someone uses the nickname, kicking a supervillain square in the stomach, then picking them up and throwing them on their head. Once the villain’s down they’re over extending their shoulder, then the other, before putting them in a stranglehold...

Both ways are just…

wtf?

Fawcett with Bridge Trolls.

Hear me out.

Every once in a while a random troll will take up shop on a bridge in Fawcett, demanding people to answer their riddles. Failure results in death. (Unless, they can work something out.)

They stay there until someone can answer their riddles, which disrupts the flow of traffic so severely that all broadcasts warn about them the same way they go about bad weather or a traffic jam.

I imagine Captain going up to the bridge troll of the month, trying (and failing) to answer the riddles then getting flattened to the ground so many times before relenting and asking Solomon. But he never learns his lesson.

And he never gets it right.

Once he tried 78 times and only relented because he had monitor duty. He left a crater in the bridge to the point the thing was split in two.

How I imagine it would go:

Troll: You must answer my riddles three, if you wish to get past me.

Cap: Three? Last troll only gave one!

Troll: The rise of riddles is your fixation, but I propose you look at inflation. Cap: Oh. That makes sense, but uh— I need you to leave.

Troll: From this bridge you ask me to cease, but I shall’t leave without my peace.

Cap: *sigh* Okay, hit me with it.

Troll: Answer the riddle you must do stat, or else you will end up flat. Riddle one I will declare, for time I wish to spare; With a mouth but unable to digest, with a bed but not of rest. 

Cap: uh…

Cap: A blanket?

Troll: Wrong!

Their constantly at each others throats too,

(Cap’s resting his head on his palm, the leagues talking about taxes or something — Blly asked DTC what’s their favorite animals are and Zeus said a dinosaur)

Mercury: Zeus, I believe the boy means ‘living’ animals

Zeus: 😐

Hercules: I don’t mind lions, though I had to strangle one once.

Billy: You strangled a lion?

Hercules: It was a debt of my twelve labors.

Billy: …

Billy: You’re broke? Hercules: …

Hercules: 👺

Achilles: Is that twelve more labors I see?

Solomon: I’d choose ant. Zeus: Ant?

Solomon: Yes.

Zeus: No.

Solomon: Pardon?

Zeus: No. I will not be ridiculed for my choice when you chose an Ant. An ant, Solomon. Why? It’s barely on Earth.

Solomon: It’s respectable; It’s one of the most hard working things on earth, yet it’s the size of a crump.

Zeus: It would get organ failure over a crumb.

*dramatic gasps like their on a reality tv show*

Captain Marvel: Residents of Fawcett, please notify me if you’ve seen a guy running around like a chicken with their head cut off. Mr. Mind forgot his glasses and missed.

Captain Marvel: If a little girl comes knocking on your door selling Girl Scout cookies, DO NOT give her your signature, business card or whatever else has your name related to it, this INCLUDES your name. She will not give it back AND she only has somoas left anyway.

Captain Marvel: I hate it when people are like, “you placed a curse on my bloodline and now every time I butcher cattle someone I know dies” And stuff. Like 1. That wasn’t even me, and 2. That was literally in 4300 B.C I don’t get why you still care that much 😑