WARNING: Harmful if followed.

no one takes me seriously. no one cares what i have to say. it’s never about me. i’m surrounded by people who never go out of their way for me. i just want someone to attempt to make me smile and brighten my day. i want someone to fucking surprise me for once. is that so much to ask for? it’s ridiculously petty, i know. basically everything i complain about is petty. why is it that i can’t seem to find anyone to actively care about me and my feelings? it’s so stressful and it kills me. i want to go back to the days where i was vibrant. life is so black and white these days. i’m either happy or severely down. i swear that i’m not going to last long in this world. something is definitely wrong with me. 

i'm in love, fuck

how is it that after years passing by that just the thought of you still gives me butterflies

god, she makes me smile so much

how do you tell someone that you’re madly in love with them without the risk of potentially ruining everything

i post this shit on here not because i’m seeking attention, but because it’s better for me to type it out then to have it bottled up and fuming inside of my head. nobody knows who i am on here anyway, so i don’t see why i shouldn’t use this as an outlet

when i get sad i think about my life and how much has passed already. i miss so much about how things used to be. i hate this separation that growing up creates between me and all of my friends. i am so afraid of my parents dying. i am so afraid of my brother moving away. i’m worried that i’ll be alone. i just wish someone would tell me everything is okay. i want someone to show that they care. i want to feel loved. growing up has fucked me up so much emotionally. my mom and dad’s toxic marriage has affected me in many ways. i’ve thought about suicide so much because of it. i think about it a lot. i’m too much of a coward to ever go through with something like that, but when you start weighing the pros and cons of your life constantly, i feel like that’s an issue. people wonder why i sleep so much but they never look beyond the surface. is it not obvious why i sleep so much? or is because people don’t care enough to know? either way, i don’t care. so many of my dreams are ruined by waking up. a lot of the time my dreams are what my reality would be if it wasn’t so fucked up. i’m happy there. there’s no worry, no pain, no death. 

i always go on here when i feel unreasonably depressed and there’s no one there to talk since it’s always too late

it only takes one little thing to make my mind run wild

the only thing that keeps me sane is the hope that one day you'll be by my side

you light a fire in my heart and i'm afraid you'll put it out

i'm honestly afraid of how happy you make me. it's scary. too many times have i fell for you, only to fall short. i don't know if we're in love or if we're only saying it for show. either way, i'm not completely letting my guard until i'm 100% certain.