meow

- does include some swearing; feel free to edit when sending in an ask to fit character’s speech

“No. No, no, no. Don’t you dare try to pin the blame on me.”

“Did you even bother to think about the consequences?”

“Listen here you useless paperclip!”

“Meerkats are murderous little bastards.”

“For the record, I hate everything.”

“Do you even remember me?”

“Did you know the guy who wrote Sherlock Holmes may have killed a man?”

“I’m going to join NASA and fling myself into the sun.”

“I hope you know what you’re getting into.”

“Please don’t. Just… don’t.”

I’M ALIVE I SWEAR!! it’s just that i’m so busy, i rarely have time to get on dash. it’s terrible, i want to talk to everyone! but if you’d like to make a new friend please feel free to add me on aim! i’m there at least every night. or drop yours here and i’ll shoot you a message first! or, y’know, like this and i’ll come asking for yours.

Two Sides of a Coin;;

                                       One simple, relaxed

                                                                        The other, decadence immortalized

❛ Oh, don’t be mad — ❜

❛ I wish I could but I don’t want to. ❜

❛ He may not be my soulmate but a girl’s gotta eat. ❜

❛ I have to go before I put your head through a wall. ❜

❛ I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? ❜

❛ I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love! ❜

❛ I think I’m having a stroke. ❜

❛ Is she aware of our…special situation? ❜

❛ I dumped him. ❜

❛ I say more dumb things before 9am than most people say all day. ❜

❛ I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open. ❜

❛ I’m curvy and I like it! ❜

❛ Food? Oh gimme. ❜

❛ How you doin? ❜

❛ I’m not even sorry. ❜

❛ Is it obvious I’m wearing six sweaters? ❜

❛ Welcome to the real world, it sucks! ❜

❛ Okay, I know it was a cheap shot but I feel so much better now. ❜

❛ Could she BE anymore out of my league? ❜

❛ You ordered pizza without me?  ❜

❛ Go tell him he’s cute. What’s the worst thing that could happen? ❜

❛ OH. MY. GOD. ❜

❛ Shut up! You’re not my real mom! ❜

❛ Hell is full of people like you. ❜

❛ Okay, I’m not getting this. ❜

❛ Why don’t you be a grown up and come watch TV in the fort. ❜

❛ I hope it’s still funny when you’re in hell! ❜

❛ I just wanna go over there and kiss him. ❜

❛  How can I kiss him without letting him know that I like him? ❜

❛ Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. ❜

❛ If I had to I’d pee on any one of you. ❜

❛ Everybody looks so happy, I hate that. ❜

❛ If we were in prison you guys would be like my bitches. ❜

❛ My life is an embarrassment. I should just go live under somebody’s stairs. ❜

❛ In junior high this girl said a lot of mean stuff about me and I set her bike on fire. ❜

❛ __ ate my last stick of gum so I killed him/her/them. ❜

❛ Can you see my nipples through this shirt? ❜

❛ You’re not gonna try to make me join a cult are you? ❜

❛ Remember, a moment on the lips forever on the hips. ❜

❛ My wallet is too small for my fifties. ❜

❛ Don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink? ❜

❛ You don’t have a TV? What’s all your furniture pointed to? ❜

❛ Oh, I’m gonna have to write that down on my hand. ❜

❛ I guess things were just going too well for me. ❜

❛ No uterus, No opinion. ❜

❛ There’s more alcohol right? ❜

❛ Well aren’t we Mr/Ms the glass is half empty. ❜

❛ I am so excited, I may vomit. ❜

❛ Isn’t that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic? ❜