I’mgettingveryveryfat

We don't believe it, and we will deny it with our last breath, but social fatigue is a real thing. It is not selfish, nor is it lazy, to tell the people you love that you're taking a day, or the weekend, or whatever you need, to rest and recover from how draining it is to be around people.

We tell ourselves that we can't disappoint anyone, that they're going to be mad at us (one of my favorite, relatable jokes is "Hi, I'll be your waiter tonight. Are you mad at me?"), or the most insidious of them all: I don't deserve to rest.

I outrank that voice in your head, and I am here to gently and lovingly remind you that you are worthy, your friends who matter understand, and that you don't owe anyone anything.

For anyone who needs it: I give you permission to cancel that thing you're dreading tonight or tomorrow. I give you permission to rest and recover your HP, so you aren't going into next week with disadvantage.

There is something so hot in conditioning yourself consciously into a fat lifestyle. The same way other people try to incorporate workouts or salads into their routines, you train yourself to incorporate weight gain shakes, always choosing to drive instead of walk, etc. Rewiring your brain until it becomes normal to stash copious amounts of snacks by your bed so that you don't have to walk to the kitchen too often. Until stairs are never an option. Until you won't drink anything below 200 calories.

We are creatures of habit, and once you've conditioned yourself, it's hard to change it all over again. Even if your life becomes busy and you no longer have the brainpower to put so much thought and work into gaining weight, your body and unconscious brain will do it for you. You are now a fatty, not just by the virtue of your looks, but to the core of you as a person.

And soon, you will barely remember life before that. It will be obvious to you that walking leaves a person breathless; that stairs are not meant to be used; that every snack that's under 1000 calories is inedible. It will be obvious that bellies come with hangs, that chins are accompanied by a ring of fat, and that fingers can sometimes get clumsy, since they are chubby. You will look at thin people with disbelief and wonder how it's possible to function for them.