♡

And I’m panicking and starting to second guess myself. I just wanted to try something different, do something different, but now I’m TERRIFIED that I’m making a poor choice. Because this isn’t a pretty move. It’s nothing like the rose tinted coming of age movies or the practical next step after completing a degree program. This is a desperate soul move more than anything. It’s a driving 8 hours out of stare with $300 to my name, a box of clothes, no degree, a car note and insurance hovering over me that I have to figure out how to pay because my car may be my home for a while type of move. The alternative was death in one way or another though, be it mentally or physically. How would you choose between death and fear? So I chose. And I’m scared. And my anxiety is flaring. But even in all of that there is this sliver of hope. And THAT is why I’m so terrified. Because more than anything in my life, hope... or rather the loss of it, has hurt me the most.

Same thing happened with my daughter when was 7 and Annie came out. All of a sudden she wanted to go to Broadway to try out for the lead role. We had seen the original one several times but it never occurred to her that she could be any too. One more time for the cheap seats

And I’m panicking and starting to second guess myself. I just wanted to try something different, do something different, but now I’m TERRIFIED that I’m making a poor choice. Because this isn’t a pretty move. It’s nothing like the rose tinted coming of age movies or the practical next step after completing a degree program. This is a desperate soul move more than anything. It’s a driving 8 hours out of stare with $300 to my name, a box of clothes, no degree, a car note and insurance hovering over me that I have to figure out how to pay because my car may be my home for a while type of move. The alternative was death in one way or another though, be it mentally or physically. How would you choose between death and fear? So I chose. And I’m scared. And my anxiety is flaring. But even in all of that there is this sliver of hope. And THAT is why I’m so terrified. Because more than anything in my life, hope... or rather the loss of it, has hurt me the most.

It is. They are “together.” They are feeling with each other. They are inhabiting each other’s realities. They are coming from the same place, on the same mission, and feeling the same things, remembering the same things. 

This is the first hug where they are this together. They aren’t reuniting from afar. They aren’t separating. They aren’t making amends or trying to come back together. They aren’t even really looking to be comforted. They are in sync, together and they need to be together, to share, to talk, to understand, to feel.

I agree with that. 

He was also trying to do better, to be better. With the trauma of leaving her behind to sacrifice herself last time, he was also trying to fix that. KNOWING that she was alive, and sacrificing her would make it easier for them?? He couldn’t do that.

BUT, you know, while that’s the plot line character arc and that makes a lot of sense, I believe that he ALSO has a personal arc, on a deeper level. We have head and heart development, and he made a great deal of forward movement on using his head in season 5, and I think he actually finished his hero’s journey. But that left him without a deeper character development story…. except, I think he took Monty’s OTHER instruction to heart. Not just to be the good guys, but also to live a good life like him and Harper. To find love.

The thing is, not only did Bellamy seek out love this season with CLARKE, allowing his feelings for her to come out and lead his decision making AND to be honest about them with her, but he also regained his love for his sister. This is in addition to his love for his people who he refused to leave behind and sacrifice. 

Bellarke: