To Whatever End

Aelin awoke with a gasp, having the remnants of green eyes and wisps of silvery hair lingering in her vision. It wasn’t enough to be plagued by thoughts of Rowan during the day, she had to be taunted with him during the night, too.

Aelin spent the day prior thinking about what Lysandra had said- she deserved to be happy. Aelin, on a fundamental level, knew that was true. But she also couldn’t help herself from feeling the need to run away. It wasn’t just that a relationship or caring for someone was scary, though that was definitely part of it. Her parents were gone, leaving her behind in a world that was not made for people to navigate alone. Aedion’s mom was gone, Dorian and Chaol, while still alive, were distant since the entire love triangle debacle in Rifthold a few years prior. The only constant in her life was Aedion but he was family, seemingly obligated to be there for her.

What if Rowan was the same as everyone else? What if he left her, her heart shattered in pieces with no way to clean it up? If he got to know her and found out that her baggage wasn’t worth the weight it took to bear it? She knew her therapist would tell her that she couldn’t think like that and that she was putting feelings and emotions into the situation that were only hypothetical.

No, she decided. She couldn’t start something with Rowan right now. Despite having decided on moving back to Orynth, the process could take quite a while. She needed to find a job, an apartment, needed to start her life back up here before she could get into a relationship or care about anything in that way.

Pushing thoughts of Rowan out of her mind, she put on her best pair of comfy leggings. Later that evening was the skate night in the town square but before they went there, she was spending the day baking with Lysandra and Gavryn, something she was wholeheartedly looking forward to. She just hoped her traitorous thoughts would leave her alone.

- - - - -

“Aelin, you literally just get on the ice. I promise you’ll be fine!” Elide yelled over the music and crowd.

Aelin was not going to be fine. She hadn’t skated since she was a teenager and even then, it never seemed to come easy to her. The crappy hockey skates that the rink had also didn’t help matters. She was going to fall on her ass and make a huge fool of herself by the end of the night, she’d be willing to bet money on it.

“I’m trying,” she ground out through gritted teeth.

It was easy for Elide to say, the smaller woman had her brute of a boyfriend to help steady her. Unfortunately for Aelin, that courtesy did not extend to her, the giant, crotchety man hating her for some unknown reason.

Tentatively, Aelin put her bladed boot on the rink, clinging heavily to the side board. She glanced a look at the crowd to make sure no one was in her way. Her cousin and Lysandra were skating with Gavryn between them, the boy doing way better than she currently was.

Elide reached for her hand as she and Lorcan glided by, catching it slightly only to slide away as Aelin still held onto the wall. The small gesture was enough to throw Aelin off balance and she wobbled back and forth a few times. She probably looked comical standing there on the ice but Aelin’s embarrassment would have to wait until later. For now, she just had to survive.

Taking a deep breath, she told herself that she could do it. It was just gliding on the ice, nothing more, nothing less. Dropping her hand from the wall, she gave herself a push to propel herself forward. Luckily, no one was in her path. Unluckily, no one was in her path and, therefore, there was nothing to stop her as she careened forward. Wobbling, she tensed every part of her body in the hopes that it would slow her down. It was no use, she was going to collide fully with the barrier at the end of the rink. A glorious crash and burn for the famous Aelin Galathynius. At least she got to mend things with Aedion before she died, she thought.

Before she could crash into the wall, a pair of warm hands gripped her waist, pulling back on her lightly while turning them away from the wall. The hands briefly left her waist before a flash of green and silver entered her peripheral vision.

“Need some help here?” Gods, his rough, accented timbre was enough to send chills radiating throughout her body. Rowan had a smile on his face as he made his way to her front.

She was unintentionally breathless when she answered. “I–thank you. Gods I thought I was a goner there.”

Rowan let out a deep laugh, the corners of his eyes wrinkling slightly. “No problem. Always happy to help a princess in need.” Aelin rolled her eyes goodnaturedly. “I do, however, find it hard to believe that you don’t know how to skate.”

Aelin let out a breath. “I know how to skate. It’s just been a while. Rifthold doesn’t really have cool enough weather to do this kind of stuff and the last time I went skating was–” Aelin paused. “Well, it was with my parents, I guess.”

A look of understanding crossed Rowan’s face, but his gaze held no pity. Instead, determination settled in his features.

“Take my hand, Aelin.”

“I really will be fine. I think I’m just going to sit down for a bit.” She was about to make for the wall but he quickly glided in front of her.

“Aelin. Take my hand.” His eyes were soft when she met them and his voice held a slight hint of humor. There was no judgement, nothing but softness and determination. Oh how the town will talk, she thought.

As if he knew her thoughts, Rowan raised an eyebrow. As if you truly care?

She narrowed her eyes and in that moment, she decided, fuck it. She placed her gloved hand into his own and as she did, a brilliant smile overtook his features.

Rowan’s grip was steady as he guided her through the crowded rink. It was all Aelin could do to hold on tight and allow him to pull her as he skated. It was nice, she thought, having someone looking out for her.

Rowan sped up slightly and skated directly in front of her, turning mid-skate to face her. A shock of anxiety shot through her. “You’re going to crash!”

Rowan chuckled. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about everyone else, just keep your eyes on me, okay?”

Aelin nodded, taking a shaky breath.

“Now put both of your hands into mine.” She did as he asked. “Close your eyes.”

His statement only made her eyes open wider. “What!?”

He smiled, somehow calming her with just a look. “Do you trust me?”

Aelin blinked, then nodded.

“Then close your eyes, Aelin.” She did as he asked, shakiness still lingering in her hands. She was sure Rowan was able to feel the nerves vibrating throughout her body. She never used to be afraid of skating. But it seemed since her parents died, even the smallest thing that gave her any type of anxiety made her whole body shake. Fear wasn’t just fear anymore, it was almost debilitating.

“Have you been on this rink before?” She was about to answer, half opening her eyes. “Don’t look. Just keep your eyes closed.”

“Yes, I have. Long ago.”

“So you know that it’s just a rink. It’s just ice and these people around you are probably people that you’ve known your whole life.” Rowan paused. “Tell me about them.”

“Who? The people on the ice that I can’t see because my eyes are closed?”

He huffed a laugh. “Your parents, smartass.” His voice was quiet, empathetic.

Aelin sighed, keeping her eyes closed. “They were the best. Dad was always a workaholic but he did it all for us, for my mom and me. And Aedion. He didn’t know his dad so my dad sort of stepped into that role. It’s why we’re like siblings.” A small smile made its way to her face.

“And your mom?”

“My mom was…she was the best. She was gentle yet fiery, strong yet emotional. My dad always said that I’m a lot like her. I mean, I look like her, for one thing. But my personality is so much like hers, too.” Aelin let out a huff of breath. “Sometimes, we were too alike. We butt heads a lot but it was never permanent. I actually got my nickname from her. Fireheart.”

With her eyes closed, she could see them–how they were back then, and how they would be now. Maybe her dad would be here, helping her skate. Or maybe she would never have become fearful of skating in the first place, making large circles around the rink on her own. Her mom, with small pops of grey spread throughout her blonde hair, would be watching from the sideline, saying that she was getting too old for skating, that she’d break a bone.

“I miss them,” she admitted. “I miss them a lot. We used to come to the rink every year around this time. I think that’s why I’m so anxious.”

“It’s normal to miss them. It’s normal to grieve and to shy away from doing things that you did with them now that they’re gone.” Aelin opened her eyes and met his green ones. “Everyone grieves in their own way, there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Sometimes, people feel ok after a month, sometimes it takes them years and years. Sometimes, they never get over it. It always sucks, though. No matter what.”

“You sound like you have your own story to tell.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

His eyes felt like they were boring into her, like they could see everything that she was and is. Yet he didn’t look away, except to make sure their path was clear. “Aye. My parents, like yours, died when I was young. And my girlfriend passed away, as well.”

“I’m so sorry, Rowan.” She meant it. She never wanted anyone else to feel the way she felt ten years ago and every year since, even if, selfishly, she felt a pang of jealousy at the mention of his girlfriend.

“Thanks. It was about eight years ago now. But it still hurts. I still replay every interaction we had, thinking that maybe if we hadn’t fought, she wouldn’t have been driving to her parents house. That she’d still be here with me.” He took a deep inhale. “But I also have to remember that it wasn’t my fault and that I deserve to be happy. I didn’t control her actions just like I can’t control anyone else’s now except my own.”

“Is that why you moved here to Orynth?”

“Yes. It took me a few years after her death to decide what to do. But I felt like I had no one left in Doranelle. I figured a fresh start was what I needed, so I moved here. Left my cousins behind, though I’ve since talked to them and they’ve come to visit me a few times.”

Understanding dawned on Aelin. “That’s why you look at me like that.”

Rowan’s brows rose. “Like what, Princess?” His tone sounded almost suggestive, probably to make up for the heaviness of their conversation.

But Aelin wasn’t having it. “Like you see me. Like you understand everything that I’ve done. And you don’t judge me for it.”

Rowan looked down, the first time it seemed like he was having a hard time meeting her eyes. But when he looked back up at her, his gaze was unbending, resolute. “I do. I see you, Aelin.”

It was her turn to avert her eyes. Shyness overtook her. She wasn’t used to men being so direct in their feelings with her.

Rowan inhaled quickly and she could’ve sworn she detected a faint tremor to his hands. “So, Fireheart, huh?”

Aelin’s heart swelled, hearing her old nickname. “Yeah, Fireheart.” She said nothing more, didn’t need to. She was sure Rowan could hear the wistfulness in her voice.

“Well then, Fireheart, are you aware that you’ve been skating on your own for the last few minutes?”

Aelin’s brow furrowed as she looked down to her skates. Rowan was still holding her hand but very lightly, more there for moral support than for actual balance. Aelin let out a laugh before the panic set in again. Now that she was aware, her balance once again became wobbly and her blade caught in a deep groove. She would’ve gone flying toward the wall if an arm didn’t make its way around her waist again.

“I’ve got you,” Rowan murmured. Once again in his arms, she couldn’t help but notice how good it felt to be held by him. Not only his strong arms, but his scent, his warmth, his unwavering steadiness. “I won’t let you fall.”

She couldn’t help but think that his words were a double entendre, a sign that maybe she could take this step with someone–with him.

The cheerful, upbeat music changed into a slightly soothing ballad and Aelin noticed that many people were exiting the rink. The ones left there were pairing off, families forming small huddles and couples embracing. She was about to suggest they follow suit and get off the ice when Rowan interrupted her. “Dance with me?”

When she looked at his face, she swore she could see a flush on his cheeks, not just from the cold. She nodded and allowed herself to be pulled into his strong arms. They didn’t say anything, didn’t need to. The song was a balm to both of them, allowing them to be content just as they were. Aelin moved so that her forehead was resting on Rowan’s chest, meeting only just below his clavicle. She could hear the beat of his heart and the movement of his breath. Calm. Soothing. Home.

Rowan’s cheek came to rest along her hair and she could’ve sworn that he placed a gentle kiss to her head. Then lower, his cold nose buried itself into her neck, his soft lips brushing the skin between her coat and her hat.. She never felt so…warm, content. It had been years since her mind had gone quiet like this. She couldn’t help but think that it was something she could get used to.

They stayed like that for a while, the soft melody of the song lulling them into a rhythm it felt like they’d been dancing to their entire lives. Surrounded by the sea of dancing couples and families, Aelin felt…hopeful. Not only did she not feel alone, she felt as if this was where she was meant to be.

But another thought crossed her mind right after the first. She couldn’t do this. She was leaving tomorrow, for fuck’s sake and she had no idea when she would be back. Sure, Rifthold was a 6 hour flight from Orynth and long-distance relationships had been done with more distance but it felt…wrong. She couldn’t do this to Rowan after he just told her the reason for his presence in Orynth was losing an ex-girlfriend. It could be months…years before she got all of her shit together to move back home.

She jolted her head back suddenly, reality rushing over her like a cold bucket of water.

Aelin knew what she was going to say; what she should say. But when she met Rowan’s confused gaze, she lost her words. “I–I..”

“Aelin? What’s wrong?” It was all she could do to hold herself back from bringing her fingers up to his brow to soften the furrow that appeared there.

“Nothing! I just…I need to go.”

Rowan cocked his head but didn’t let her go quite yet. She tried to back up away from him, forgetting that she was still on the ice and couldn’t exactly go anywhere. One of Rowan’s hands tightened on her waist slightly while the other came up to cup her face. “Take a breath, Aelin. You’re breathing fast.”

Aelin did as she was told but couldn’t seem to get enough air into her lungs. “Can you please help me over? I just–I need to go.”

“Of course. But…” Rowan looked conflicted. “If I said or did something wrong, please tell me. I’m sorry if I was out of line asking about your parents or dancing or–.”

“No. You weren’t. I’m just…well, me. It’s not you.” Aelin felt as though she was going to cry any moment and she really needed to get to the bench so she could take these damn skates off. The lights were too bright, her skates too tight, the crowd too loud. She needed to be anywhere but here at the moment.

Rowan glided her over to the bench, helping her to sit on the near-icy surface with ease. He started to bend down to help her untie the knots in her laces but she quickly pulled one foot up to do it herself.

“I’m fine, really. I got this. Thanks for helping me tonight.” She couldn’t shake the tremble from her voice or stop her hands from shaking as she clumsily untied her skates.

Rowan was stoic and silent by her side. She swore that the expression he wore was hurt but she couldn’t be sure. Hell, of course it was hurt. She basically rejected the man on what may have been the nicest night she ever had in front of quite a few people.

As soon as she was done unlacing, she stood up quickly and started making her way to the skate return to get her shoes. She turned back only once, giving what she hoped was an apologetic smile, then hastily made her way through the crowd in nothing but her socks.

If she had turned back again, she might have saw the few staggering steps Rowan took in her direction.

- - - - -

Back at Aedion’s house, Aelin stared at herself in the mirror, at the streaked mascara now running down her face. Gods, why was she like this? She ran away from something that felt so damn nice the first chance she got. Rowan didn’t deserve that. He deserved someone who could give him everything he wanted. And while she would have liked to believe that could’ve been her an hour ago, now she wasn’t so sure.

A soft knock sounded on the bathroom door. “Aelin?” a distinctly female voice called.

Lysandra. Shit. She thought she’d be alone here, could wallow in the misery she continued to cause for herself.

“Aelin, I know you’re in there. Please open up?” The woman’s voice was loud enough to hear though there was no anger or disappointment in her tone.

Reluctantly, Aelin unlocked the door and turned the handle, taking in the stunning brunette on the other side.

“Oh, Aelin.” As soon as Lysandra’s arms opened for her, Aelin returned her friend’s embrace. She couldn’t help the sobs that escaped her chest. “Shh, let it out. You’re okay, you’re safe, I’m here for you. Just let it out.”

So Aelin did. It had been a while since she trusted anyone enough to hold her like this while she wept. If she had told 18 year old Aelin that the first person to do so in 10 years would’ve been her high school enemy, she would’ve cackled then keeled over. But Lysandra’s embrace felt like something that was holding her together, something she absolutely needed.

Once her sobs died down, Aelin pulled back slightly, looking into Lys’ green eyes.

“Let me make you some tea and then we can talk, okay?”

Aelin nodded once and allowed herself to be pulled toward the kitchen.

“Aedion and Gav are still at the skate night. I saw you make a quick exit and Rowan looked a little confused so I figured I’d come and see if you were okay.” Aelin flinched at the mention of Rowan’s name.

Setting a steaming cup in front of her, Lysandra took the seat opposite her and took a sip from her own cup. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but I think it would help. Whatever it was that happened.”

“Nothing happened. And that’s the problem.” Aelin let out a sardonic laugh.

Lysandra just looked at her, no judgement on her face.

Aelin sighed, taking a sip of her hot tea and allowing it to ground her. “I ran. That’s what happened. I ran away from him.”

“Why?”

“Because…because I was feeling too much? Because I’m leaving tomorrow and it’s not fair to him? Because…because…” Lysandra waited patiently for Aelin to sort out her thoughts. “Because I could really see myself caring about him and I–I’m scared.” And there it was, the final piece of the incredibly messy puzzle that was her life. Maybe that’s the reason why it never worked out with anyone else. She was always a version of herself that she thought they wanted her to be. But with Rowan tonight…she was just Aelin. Just Fireheart. And that scared her more than anything.

“I can’t imagine what you went through these past years, Aelin. And I’m sure you went to hell and back before coming back to Orynth. But you’re one of the strongest people I know.” There were tears in Lysandra’s eyes, glistening in the low light of the kitchen. “I don’t know many people who would be able to go through what you did and come back home and still be a whole, beautiful, shining person. Because you are, Aelin. You might not think that about yourself but you are a light to the people around you. Just like you were a light 10 years ago. Hell, most of my favorite memories were when we were verbally sparring in debate class.”

Aelin let out a chuckle.

“When you first got here last week, you were…reserved. It was a little scary actually.” Lysandra raised a brow and had a slight uptilt to her lips. “I thought maybe you just grew up, got calmer. But then you started spending more time with us and I saw you light up again. And I think half of that was just being back here, being around your family again. But I think that a big part of that was also being around someone who knew loss the way you do. Maybe you don’t know him that well, maybe you don’t think you deserve him, I don’t know. But I will say that from an outside perspective that you’ve come alive since you’ve known him. What you do with that information is up to you, I’m no meddler.”

Aelin let out a watery laugh. “That’s a big fat lie.”

Lysandra managed to look a little sheepish. “Ok, maybe I’m a little bit of a meddler. But I would never do anything that you didn’t want me to do. So if you tell me to back off, I will, and I’ll never mention Rowan again.” Lysandra reached over to take her hands. “But if you want support, I’m here. You need a listening ear? I’m here. You just need a shoulder to cry on? I can be that for you.”

Aelin let out a strong breath. “I think right now, I just want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. And I can figure the rest out later.”

Lysandra’s laugh was hearty, breaking through the relative silence of the house. “Now that, I can definitely do.”

- - - - -

She was not going to cry. She was not going to cry. She was not going to cry.

As she stood in the middle of the airport, locked in an embrace with her favorite cousin, she realized that Aedion, however, was indeed crying.

“I’ll be back soon, I promise.” If her voice gave a few hiccups, well…that was no one else’s business.

“I know. I just–I’m just gonna miss you.” Aedion gave a sigh and stepped back slightly. “I’m gonna miss you a lot.” He wiped the tears that were tracked down his face, not even the least bit ashamed of crying in such a public place.

“I’ll miss you too. But as soon as I get back to Adarlan, I promise that I’ll call and I’ll immediately start looking for jobs and apartments.” Because, yes, she had told her family her plans to move back to Orynth once they returned from the skate night the night prior. Aedion picked her up off the couch, spinning her around. So it was safe to say that he was very excited for her. Lysandra gave her a look that told Aelin she already had a suspicion. And Gavryn was quite literally jumping for joy. Or, he would’ve been had he not been tired out of his mind and immediately started crying. “I so happy,” were the exact words she could make out through his sobs. She rewarded his show of emotion with a bear hug and snuggles until the little man fell asleep in her arms.

“I know you will. But remember that you’re always welcome to stay with us. Especially if it means that you’ll get here sooner.”

Aelin let out a huff of laughter. “I know.”

She gave everyone a last round of hugs, saying her farewells and trying again not to cry. Waving them off, she stepped through security. Though her bags might feel heavier, her heart didn’t. She mended things with Aedion, got an amazing new best friend, and got to meet her nephew, all of which served to put a little ball of light in her chest.

There was still one piece missing, though. The piece that she was able to not obsess over only due to the hectic nature of the morning. Rowan.

She didn’t like how she left things. She was embarrassed to say the least. But she also didn’t have time to pack up her things and also say what she wanted to say. It was one or the other and, unfortunately for her heart, the packing had won out.

It was a regret she would have to live with–not fixing how she left things with Rowan. Maybe when she was back for good, she could try. Try to apologize. Try harder to open up. Try to be the person Rowan deserved.

Gods, she’d known the man a damn week and she was already a blubbering mess over him. This certainly didn’t bode well for her return to Adarlan.

So instead of thinking of all the ways she could’ve mended things, all the things she could’ve said, Aelin decided to get a giant, doughy croissant while she waited to board her flight. The croissant was heaven. It made her almost forget that she was leaving her family all over again. To commiserate, she decided to scroll through pictures on her phone.

Gavryn in his Yulemas jammies.

Gavryn putting the star on the tree.

Gavryn and his ginormous pink teddy bear.

Gods, she loved this kid.

The last picture took her by surprise. She hadn’t even meant to get the second figure in the picture, but he was there nonetheless. Gavryn was sitting at the table in Rowan’s shop, painting his little masterpiece. But leaning against the wall toward the back was a familiar silvery-haired man, watching her nephew with such a soft look on his face, it almost made her want to cry.

She wasn’t about to be a creep and zoom in on the figure in the middle of a crowded airport so she threw her phone in her bag and waited to board her flight. Time passed quickly as she was lost in her thoughts. Before she knew it, she was dragging her carry-on behind her down the aisle.

E, F, G…ah, here it was…row H. H1, the window seat, of course, her favorite.

She was prepared to settle in for a nice nap and one of her favorite playlists when the seat aside of her shuffled with a warm body.

She closed her eyes as she inhaled the familiar pine and snow scent. Home.

With that, her eyes popped open, whipping around to her seat neighbor.

“Rowan?!”

He gave her a sheepish smile.

“Wha–but you–how…what?” Great, she was back to being a bumbling mess.

He chuckled at her fumbling.

“You left without saying goodbye.”

“So you bought an entire PLANE TICKET?!”

Rowan rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well, Lysandra said–”

“I fucking knew it. Not a meddler, my ass,” Aelin mumbled.

“In her defense, I stopped by the house, hoping that you were still there and when she told me that you had left already, I was about to turn around and go home.” Rowan pursed his lips. “But then she said that there was an empty seat next to you on your flight home.”

“Lysandra is a certifiable sociopath, I swear.”

“And thank Mala for that. I prayed that I could get here in time. And here I am.”

“Here you are.” Aelin knew her features softened at the vulnerability in his tone.

A moment of silence permeated the air, neither of them knowing what to say.

“Rowan, I–”

“If you’re going to apologize, please don’t.”

“But I–”

Rowan’s warm hands came to cup her face. “Aelin, I get it. I promise.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

He sighed. “Probably something about how you were scared and overwhelmed and it was too much too fast. And I get it, ok? You don’t have to explain it to me, Aelin.”

“Actually, I was going to ask if you brought my requested Yulemas present with you.”

Rowan’s breath left him all at once in a huff. “Smartass.”

Aelin’s face quickly turned somber. “But yes, that is what I was going to say. Somehow you nailed it. Somehow you always nail it.”

Rowan’s thumb stroked her cheek. “I nail it because I get you, Aelin. You might have to put on a show for everyone else, but I see you. We’re so alike and Gods, this is going to sound crazy–”

“Crazier than getting a plane ticket after a week of knowing someone just so you could talk to them?”

“It was that or ask Lysandra for your number and I thought that would’ve been creepier.” The small dimple shone through on his cheek at his smile.

“Finish your sentence, Rowan.” She was surprised at the softness in her tone. Aelin’s eyes met Rowans, silently taking in the different shades of green in his iris.

His smile was shy. “I was going to say that it feels like we were always meant to meet. We understand each other in a way that couldn’t be anything but fate. And if this was anyone else, I would realize how crazy this all sounds. But I’m saying this with the utmost truth.”

Aelin took the hand that was stroking her cheek in her own, bringing it down to hover over her heart. “If it was anyone else, I would tell you how crazy you sound. But you’re Rowan.” She shrugged, as if his name was explanation enough.

“And you’re Fireheart.”

She smiled at that. At the nickname that laid dormant for so long. Rowan using it at that moment felt like a warm hug, like coming home.

“Can I kiss you?” Rowan’s voice was quiet, the hope in his voice threatening to stab her in the heart.

She nodded, tilting her face up toward his.

Gently, oh so gently, the softness of his lips met hers. It was the answer to a question she had been asking for so long. The quenching of a longing that transcended all time and space. It was over before it really began but it was enough. And to know that they now had a six hour flight ahead of them excited her. Just to be in his presence, to hold his hand, to fall asleep on his shoulder excited her.

He slowly drew his face back. “Everyone on this plane will start gossiping if we continue like this.”

She smiled at his cheekiness. “They already are, I reckon.” So she shrugged and pulled him back for one more kiss before settling down for the flight. She had no idea what the future would bring. When she would find an apartment. When she would officially move back. But it was okay because she knew that in coming back to Orynth, she came back to herself.

A/N: thanks for joining me for my first and last fic or 2025 😂 not sure if I’ll keep writing for Rowaelin since it’s sort of died down but maybe?

Tag List: (is this even still a thing?)

Aelin awoke with a gasp, having the remnants of green eyes and wisps of silvery hair lingering in her vision. It wasn’t enough to be plagued by thoughts of Rowan during the day, she had to be taunted with him during the night, too.

Aelin spent the day prior thinking about what Lysandra had said- she deserved to be happy. Aelin, on a fundamental level, knew that was true. But she also couldn’t help herself from feeling the need to run away. It wasn’t just that a relationship or caring for someone was scary, though that was definitely part of it. Her parents were gone, leaving her behind in a world that was not made for people to navigate alone. Aedion’s mom was gone, Dorian and Chaol, while still alive, were distant since the entire love triangle debacle in Rifthold a few years prior. The only constant in her life was Aedion but he was family, seemingly obligated to be there for her.

What if Rowan was the same as everyone else? What if he left her, her heart shattered in pieces with no way to clean it up? If he got to know her and found out that her baggage wasn’t worth the weight it took to bear it? She knew her therapist would tell her that she couldn’t think like that and that she was putting feelings and emotions into the situation that were only hypothetical.

No, she decided. She couldn’t start something with Rowan right now. Despite having decided on moving back to Orynth, the process could take quite a while. She needed to find a job, an apartment, needed to start her life back up here before she could get into a relationship or care about anything in that way.

Pushing thoughts of Rowan out of her mind, she put on her best pair of comfy leggings. Later that evening was the skate night in the town square but before they went there, she was spending the day baking with Lysandra and Gavryn, something she was wholeheartedly looking forward to. She just hoped her traitorous thoughts would leave her alone.

- - - - -

“Aelin, you literally just get on the ice. I promise you’ll be fine!” Elide yelled over the music and crowd.

Aelin was not going to be fine. She hadn’t skated since she was a teenager and even then, it never seemed to come easy to her. The crappy hockey skates that the rink had also didn’t help matters. She was going to fall on her ass and make a huge fool of herself by the end of the night, she’d be willing to bet money on it.

“I’m trying,” she ground out through gritted teeth.

It was easy for Elide to say, the smaller woman had her brute of a boyfriend to help steady her. Unfortunately for Aelin, that courtesy did not extend to her, the giant, crotchety man hating her for some unknown reason.

Tentatively, Aelin put her bladed boot on the rink, clinging heavily to the side board. She glanced a look at the crowd to make sure no one was in her way. Her cousin and Lysandra were skating with Gavryn between them, the boy doing way better than she currently was.

Elide reached for her hand as she and Lorcan glided by, catching it slightly only to slide away as Aelin still held onto the wall. The small gesture was enough to throw Aelin off balance and she wobbled back and forth a few times. She probably looked comical standing there on the ice but Aelin’s embarrassment would have to wait until later. For now, she just had to survive.

Taking a deep breath, she told herself that she could do it. It was just gliding on the ice, nothing more, nothing less. Dropping her hand from the wall, she gave herself a push to propel herself forward. Luckily, no one was in her path. Unluckily, no one was in her path and, therefore, there was nothing to stop her as she careened forward. Wobbling, she tensed every part of her body in the hopes that it would slow her down. It was no use, she was going to collide fully with the barrier at the end of the rink. A glorious crash and burn for the famous Aelin Galathynius. At least she got to mend things with Aedion before she died, she thought.

Before she could crash into the wall, a pair of warm hands gripped her waist, pulling back on her lightly while turning them away from the wall. The hands briefly left her waist before a flash of green and silver entered her peripheral vision.

“Need some help here?” Gods, his rough, accented timbre was enough to send chills radiating throughout her body. Rowan had a smile on his face as he made his way to her front.

She was unintentionally breathless when she answered. “I–thank you. Gods I thought I was a goner there.”

Rowan let out a deep laugh, the corners of his eyes wrinkling slightly. “No problem. Always happy to help a princess in need.” Aelin rolled her eyes goodnaturedly. “I do, however, find it hard to believe that you don’t know how to skate.”

Aelin let out a breath. “I know how to skate. It’s just been a while. Rifthold doesn’t really have cool enough weather to do this kind of stuff and the last time I went skating was–” Aelin paused. “Well, it was with my parents, I guess.”

A look of understanding crossed Rowan’s face, but his gaze held no pity. Instead, determination settled in his features.

“Take my hand, Aelin.”

“I really will be fine. I think I’m just going to sit down for a bit.” She was about to make for the wall but he quickly glided in front of her.

“Aelin. Take my hand.” His eyes were soft when she met them and his voice held a slight hint of humor. There was no judgement, nothing but softness and determination. Oh how the town will talk, she thought.

As if he knew her thoughts, Rowan raised an eyebrow. As if you truly care?

She narrowed her eyes and in that moment, she decided, fuck it. She placed her gloved hand into his own and as she did, a brilliant smile overtook his features.

Rowan’s grip was steady as he guided her through the crowded rink. It was all Aelin could do to hold on tight and allow him to pull her as he skated. It was nice, she thought, having someone looking out for her.

Rowan sped up slightly and skated directly in front of her, turning mid-skate to face her. A shock of anxiety shot through her. “You’re going to crash!”

Rowan chuckled. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about everyone else, just keep your eyes on me, okay?”

Aelin nodded, taking a shaky breath.

“Now put both of your hands into mine.” She did as he asked. “Close your eyes.”

His statement only made her eyes open wider. “What!?”

He smiled, somehow calming her with just a look. “Do you trust me?”

Aelin blinked, then nodded.

“Then close your eyes, Aelin.” She did as he asked, shakiness still lingering in her hands. She was sure Rowan was able to feel the nerves vibrating throughout her body. She never used to be afraid of skating. But it seemed since her parents died, even the smallest thing that gave her any type of anxiety made her whole body shake. Fear wasn’t just fear anymore, it was almost debilitating.

“Have you been on this rink before?” She was about to answer, half opening her eyes. “Don’t look. Just keep your eyes closed.”

“Yes, I have. Long ago.”

“So you know that it’s just a rink. It’s just ice and these people around you are probably people that you’ve known your whole life.” Rowan paused. “Tell me about them.”

“Who? The people on the ice that I can’t see because my eyes are closed?”

He huffed a laugh. “Your parents, smartass.” His voice was quiet, empathetic.

Aelin sighed, keeping her eyes closed. “They were the best. Dad was always a workaholic but he did it all for us, for my mom and me. And Aedion. He didn’t know his dad so my dad sort of stepped into that role. It’s why we’re like siblings.” A small smile made its way to her face.

“And your mom?”

“My mom was…she was the best. She was gentle yet fiery, strong yet emotional. My dad always said that I’m a lot like her. I mean, I look like her, for one thing. But my personality is so much like hers, too.” Aelin let out a huff of breath. “Sometimes, we were too alike. We butt heads a lot but it was never permanent. I actually got my nickname from her. Fireheart.”

With her eyes closed, she could see them–how they were back then, and how they would be now. Maybe her dad would be here, helping her skate. Or maybe she would never have become fearful of skating in the first place, making large circles around the rink on her own. Her mom, with small pops of grey spread throughout her blonde hair, would be watching from the sideline, saying that she was getting too old for skating, that she’d break a bone.

“I miss them,” she admitted. “I miss them a lot. We used to come to the rink every year around this time. I think that’s why I’m so anxious.”

“It’s normal to miss them. It’s normal to grieve and to shy away from doing things that you did with them now that they’re gone.” Aelin opened her eyes and met his green ones. “Everyone grieves in their own way, there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Sometimes, people feel ok after a month, sometimes it takes them years and years. Sometimes, they never get over it. It always sucks, though. No matter what.”

“You sound like you have your own story to tell.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

His eyes felt like they were boring into her, like they could see everything that she was and is. Yet he didn’t look away, except to make sure their path was clear. “Aye. My parents, like yours, died when I was young. And my girlfriend passed away, as well.”

“I’m so sorry, Rowan.” She meant it. She never wanted anyone else to feel the way she felt ten years ago and every year since, even if, selfishly, she felt a pang of jealousy at the mention of his girlfriend.

“Thanks. It was about eight years ago now. But it still hurts. I still replay every interaction we had, thinking that maybe if we hadn’t fought, she wouldn’t have been driving to her parents house. That she’d still be here with me.” He took a deep inhale. “But I also have to remember that it wasn’t my fault and that I deserve to be happy. I didn’t control her actions just like I can’t control anyone else’s now except my own.”

“Is that why you moved here to Orynth?”

“Yes. It took me a few years after her death to decide what to do. But I felt like I had no one left in Doranelle. I figured a fresh start was what I needed, so I moved here. Left my cousins behind, though I’ve since talked to them and they’ve come to visit me a few times.”

Understanding dawned on Aelin. “That’s why you look at me like that.”

Rowan’s brows rose. “Like what, Princess?” His tone sounded almost suggestive, probably to make up for the heaviness of their conversation.

But Aelin wasn’t having it. “Like you see me. Like you understand everything that I’ve done. And you don’t judge me for it.”

Rowan looked down, the first time it seemed like he was having a hard time meeting her eyes. But when he looked back up at her, his gaze was unbending, resolute. “I do. I see you, Aelin.”

It was her turn to avert her eyes. Shyness overtook her. She wasn’t used to men being so direct in their feelings with her.

Rowan inhaled quickly and she could’ve sworn she detected a faint tremor to his hands. “So, Fireheart, huh?”

Aelin’s heart swelled, hearing her old nickname. “Yeah, Fireheart.” She said nothing more, didn’t need to. She was sure Rowan could hear the wistfulness in her voice.

“Well then, Fireheart, are you aware that you’ve been skating on your own for the last few minutes?”

Aelin’s brow furrowed as she looked down to her skates. Rowan was still holding her hand but very lightly, more there for moral support than for actual balance. Aelin let out a laugh before the panic set in again. Now that she was aware, her balance once again became wobbly and her blade caught in a deep groove. She would’ve gone flying toward the wall if an arm didn’t make its way around her waist again.

“I’ve got you,” Rowan murmured. Once again in his arms, she couldn’t help but notice how good it felt to be held by him. Not only his strong arms, but his scent, his warmth, his unwavering steadiness. “I won’t let you fall.”

She couldn’t help but think that his words were a double entendre, a sign that maybe she could take this step with someone–with him.

The cheerful, upbeat music changed into a slightly soothing ballad and Aelin noticed that many people were exiting the rink. The ones left there were pairing off, families forming small huddles and couples embracing. She was about to suggest they follow suit and get off the ice when Rowan interrupted her. “Dance with me?”

When she looked at his face, she swore she could see a flush on his cheeks, not just from the cold. She nodded and allowed herself to be pulled into his strong arms. They didn’t say anything, didn’t need to. The song was a balm to both of them, allowing them to be content just as they were. Aelin moved so that her forehead was resting on Rowan’s chest, meeting only just below his clavicle. She could hear the beat of his heart and the movement of his breath. Calm. Soothing. Home.

Rowan’s cheek came to rest along her hair and she could’ve sworn that he placed a gentle kiss to her head. Then lower, his cold nose buried itself into her neck, his soft lips brushing the skin between her coat and her hat.. She never felt so…warm, content. It had been years since her mind had gone quiet like this. She couldn’t help but think that it was something she could get used to.

They stayed like that for a while, the soft melody of the song lulling them into a rhythm it felt like they’d been dancing to their entire lives. Surrounded by the sea of dancing couples and families, Aelin felt…hopeful. Not only did she not feel alone, she felt as if this was where she was meant to be.

But another thought crossed her mind right after the first. She couldn’t do this. She was leaving tomorrow, for fuck’s sake and she had no idea when she would be back. Sure, Rifthold was a 6 hour flight from Orynth and long-distance relationships had been done with more distance but it felt…wrong. She couldn’t do this to Rowan after he just told her the reason for his presence in Orynth was losing an ex-girlfriend. It could be months…years before she got all of her shit together to move back home.

She jolted her head back suddenly, reality rushing over her like a cold bucket of water.

Aelin knew what she was going to say; what she should say. But when she met Rowan’s confused gaze, she lost her words. “I–I..”

“Aelin? What’s wrong?” It was all she could do to hold herself back from bringing her fingers up to his brow to soften the furrow that appeared there.

“Nothing! I just…I need to go.”

Rowan cocked his head but didn’t let her go quite yet. She tried to back up away from him, forgetting that she was still on the ice and couldn’t exactly go anywhere. One of Rowan’s hands tightened on her waist slightly while the other came up to cup her face. “Take a breath, Aelin. You’re breathing fast.”

Aelin did as she was told but couldn’t seem to get enough air into her lungs. “Can you please help me over? I just–I need to go.”

“Of course. But…” Rowan looked conflicted. “If I said or did something wrong, please tell me. I’m sorry if I was out of line asking about your parents or dancing or–.”

“No. You weren’t. I’m just…well, me. It’s not you.” Aelin felt as though she was going to cry any moment and she really needed to get to the bench so she could take these damn skates off. The lights were too bright, her skates too tight, the crowd too loud. She needed to be anywhere but here at the moment.

Rowan glided her over to the bench, helping her to sit on the near-icy surface with ease. He started to bend down to help her untie the knots in her laces but she quickly pulled one foot up to do it herself.

“I’m fine, really. I got this. Thanks for helping me tonight.” She couldn’t shake the tremble from her voice or stop her hands from shaking as she clumsily untied her skates.

Rowan was stoic and silent by her side. She swore that the expression he wore was hurt but she couldn’t be sure. Hell, of course it was hurt. She basically rejected the man on what may have been the nicest night she ever had in front of quite a few people.

As soon as she was done unlacing, she stood up quickly and started making her way to the skate return to get her shoes. She turned back only once, giving what she hoped was an apologetic smile, then hastily made her way through the crowd in nothing but her socks.

If she had turned back again, she might have saw the few staggering steps Rowan took in her direction.

- - - - -

Back at Aedion’s house, Aelin stared at herself in the mirror, at the streaked mascara now running down her face. Gods, why was she like this? She ran away from something that felt so damn nice the first chance she got. Rowan didn’t deserve that. He deserved someone who could give him everything he wanted. And while she would have liked to believe that could’ve been her an hour ago, now she wasn’t so sure.

A soft knock sounded on the bathroom door. “Aelin?” a distinctly female voice called.

Lysandra. Shit. She thought she’d be alone here, could wallow in the misery she continued to cause for herself.

“Aelin, I know you’re in there. Please open up?” The woman’s voice was loud enough to hear though there was no anger or disappointment in her tone.

Reluctantly, Aelin unlocked the door and turned the handle, taking in the stunning brunette on the other side.

“Oh, Aelin.” As soon as Lysandra’s arms opened for her, Aelin returned her friend’s embrace. She couldn’t help the sobs that escaped her chest. “Shh, let it out. You’re okay, you’re safe, I’m here for you. Just let it out.”

So Aelin did. It had been a while since she trusted anyone enough to hold her like this while she wept. If she had told 18 year old Aelin that the first person to do so in 10 years would’ve been her high school enemy, she would’ve cackled then keeled over. But Lysandra’s embrace felt like something that was holding her together, something she absolutely needed.

Once her sobs died down, Aelin pulled back slightly, looking into Lys’ green eyes.

“Let me make you some tea and then we can talk, okay?”

Aelin nodded once and allowed herself to be pulled toward the kitchen.

“Aedion and Gav are still at the skate night. I saw you make a quick exit and Rowan looked a little confused so I figured I’d come and see if you were okay.” Aelin flinched at the mention of Rowan’s name.

Setting a steaming cup in front of her, Lysandra took the seat opposite her and took a sip from her own cup. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but I think it would help. Whatever it was that happened.”

“Nothing happened. And that’s the problem.” Aelin let out a sardonic laugh.

Lysandra just looked at her, no judgement on her face.

Aelin sighed, taking a sip of her hot tea and allowing it to ground her. “I ran. That’s what happened. I ran away from him.”

“Why?”

“Because…because I was feeling too much? Because I’m leaving tomorrow and it’s not fair to him? Because…because…” Lysandra waited patiently for Aelin to sort out her thoughts. “Because I could really see myself caring about him and I–I’m scared.” And there it was, the final piece of the incredibly messy puzzle that was her life. Maybe that’s the reason why it never worked out with anyone else. She was always a version of herself that she thought they wanted her to be. But with Rowan tonight…she was just Aelin. Just Fireheart. And that scared her more than anything.

“I can’t imagine what you went through these past years, Aelin. And I’m sure you went to hell and back before coming back to Orynth. But you’re one of the strongest people I know.” There were tears in Lysandra’s eyes, glistening in the low light of the kitchen. “I don’t know many people who would be able to go through what you did and come back home and still be a whole, beautiful, shining person. Because you are, Aelin. You might not think that about yourself but you are a light to the people around you. Just like you were a light 10 years ago. Hell, most of my favorite memories were when we were verbally sparring in debate class.”

Aelin let out a chuckle.

“When you first got here last week, you were…reserved. It was a little scary actually.” Lysandra raised a brow and had a slight uptilt to her lips. “I thought maybe you just grew up, got calmer. But then you started spending more time with us and I saw you light up again. And I think half of that was just being back here, being around your family again. But I think that a big part of that was also being around someone who knew loss the way you do. Maybe you don’t know him that well, maybe you don’t think you deserve him, I don’t know. But I will say that from an outside perspective that you’ve come alive since you’ve known him. What you do with that information is up to you, I’m no meddler.”

Aelin let out a watery laugh. “That’s a big fat lie.”

Lysandra managed to look a little sheepish. “Ok, maybe I’m a little bit of a meddler. But I would never do anything that you didn’t want me to do. So if you tell me to back off, I will, and I’ll never mention Rowan again.” Lysandra reached over to take her hands. “But if you want support, I’m here. You need a listening ear? I’m here. You just need a shoulder to cry on? I can be that for you.”

Aelin let out a strong breath. “I think right now, I just want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. And I can figure the rest out later.”

Lysandra’s laugh was hearty, breaking through the relative silence of the house. “Now that, I can definitely do.”

- - - - -

She was not going to cry. She was not going to cry. She was not going to cry.

As she stood in the middle of the airport, locked in an embrace with her favorite cousin, she realized that Aedion, however, was indeed crying.

“I’ll be back soon, I promise.” If her voice gave a few hiccups, well…that was no one else’s business.

“I know. I just–I’m just gonna miss you.” Aedion gave a sigh and stepped back slightly. “I’m gonna miss you a lot.” He wiped the tears that were tracked down his face, not even the least bit ashamed of crying in such a public place.

“I’ll miss you too. But as soon as I get back to Adarlan, I promise that I’ll call and I’ll immediately start looking for jobs and apartments.” Because, yes, she had told her family her plans to move back to Orynth once they returned from the skate night the night prior. Aedion picked her up off the couch, spinning her around. So it was safe to say that he was very excited for her. Lysandra gave her a look that told Aelin she already had a suspicion. And Gavryn was quite literally jumping for joy. Or, he would’ve been had he not been tired out of his mind and immediately started crying. “I so happy,” were the exact words she could make out through his sobs. She rewarded his show of emotion with a bear hug and snuggles until the little man fell asleep in her arms.

“I know you will. But remember that you’re always welcome to stay with us. Especially if it means that you’ll get here sooner.”

Aelin let out a huff of laughter. “I know.”

She gave everyone a last round of hugs, saying her farewells and trying again not to cry. Waving them off, she stepped through security. Though her bags might feel heavier, her heart didn’t. She mended things with Aedion, got an amazing new best friend, and got to meet her nephew, all of which served to put a little ball of light in her chest.

There was still one piece missing, though. The piece that she was able to not obsess over only due to the hectic nature of the morning. Rowan.

She didn’t like how she left things. She was embarrassed to say the least. But she also didn’t have time to pack up her things and also say what she wanted to say. It was one or the other and, unfortunately for her heart, the packing had won out.

It was a regret she would have to live with–not fixing how she left things with Rowan. Maybe when she was back for good, she could try. Try to apologize. Try harder to open up. Try to be the person Rowan deserved.

Gods, she’d known the man a damn week and she was already a blubbering mess over him. This certainly didn’t bode well for her return to Adarlan.

So instead of thinking of all the ways she could’ve mended things, all the things she could’ve said, Aelin decided to get a giant, doughy croissant while she waited to board her flight. The croissant was heaven. It made her almost forget that she was leaving her family all over again. To commiserate, she decided to scroll through pictures on her phone.

Gavryn in his Yulemas jammies.

Gavryn putting the star on the tree.

Gavryn and his ginormous pink teddy bear.

Gods, she loved this kid.

The last picture took her by surprise. She hadn’t even meant to get the second figure in the picture, but he was there nonetheless. Gavryn was sitting at the table in Rowan’s shop, painting his little masterpiece. But leaning against the wall toward the back was a familiar silvery-haired man, watching her nephew with such a soft look on his face, it almost made her want to cry.

She wasn’t about to be a creep and zoom in on the figure in the middle of a crowded airport so she threw her phone in her bag and waited to board her flight. Time passed quickly as she was lost in her thoughts. Before she knew it, she was dragging her carry-on behind her down the aisle.

E, F, G…ah, here it was…row H. H1, the window seat, of course, her favorite.

She was prepared to settle in for a nice nap and one of her favorite playlists when the seat aside of her shuffled with a warm body.

She closed her eyes as she inhaled the familiar pine and snow scent. Home.

With that, her eyes popped open, whipping around to her seat neighbor.

“Rowan?!”

He gave her a sheepish smile.

“Wha–but you–how…what?” Great, she was back to being a bumbling mess.

He chuckled at her fumbling.

“You left without saying goodbye.”

“So you bought an entire PLANE TICKET?!”

Rowan rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well, Lysandra said–”

“I fucking knew it. Not a meddler, my ass,” Aelin mumbled.

“In her defense, I stopped by the house, hoping that you were still there and when she told me that you had left already, I was about to turn around and go home.” Rowan pursed his lips. “But then she said that there was an empty seat next to you on your flight home.”

“Lysandra is a certifiable sociopath, I swear.”

“And thank Mala for that. I prayed that I could get here in time. And here I am.”

“Here you are.” Aelin knew her features softened at the vulnerability in his tone.

A moment of silence permeated the air, neither of them knowing what to say.

“Rowan, I–”

“If you’re going to apologize, please don’t.”

“But I–”

Rowan’s warm hands came to cup her face. “Aelin, I get it. I promise.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

He sighed. “Probably something about how you were scared and overwhelmed and it was too much too fast. And I get it, ok? You don’t have to explain it to me, Aelin.”

“Actually, I was going to ask if you brought my requested Yulemas present with you.”

Rowan’s breath left him all at once in a huff. “Smartass.”

Aelin’s face quickly turned somber. “But yes, that is what I was going to say. Somehow you nailed it. Somehow you always nail it.”

Rowan’s thumb stroked her cheek. “I nail it because I get you, Aelin. You might have to put on a show for everyone else, but I see you. We’re so alike and Gods, this is going to sound crazy–”

“Crazier than getting a plane ticket after a week of knowing someone just so you could talk to them?”

“It was that or ask Lysandra for your number and I thought that would’ve been creepier.” The small dimple shone through on his cheek at his smile.

“Finish your sentence, Rowan.” She was surprised at the softness in her tone. Aelin’s eyes met Rowans, silently taking in the different shades of green in his iris.

His smile was shy. “I was going to say that it feels like we were always meant to meet. We understand each other in a way that couldn’t be anything but fate. And if this was anyone else, I would realize how crazy this all sounds. But I’m saying this with the utmost truth.”

Aelin took the hand that was stroking her cheek in her own, bringing it down to hover over her heart. “If it was anyone else, I would tell you how crazy you sound. But you’re Rowan.” She shrugged, as if his name was explanation enough.

“And you’re Fireheart.”

She smiled at that. At the nickname that laid dormant for so long. Rowan using it at that moment felt like a warm hug, like coming home.

“Can I kiss you?” Rowan’s voice was quiet, the hope in his voice threatening to stab her in the heart.

She nodded, tilting her face up toward his.

Gently, oh so gently, the softness of his lips met hers. It was the answer to a question she had been asking for so long. The quenching of a longing that transcended all time and space. It was over before it really began but it was enough. And to know that they now had a six hour flight ahead of them excited her. Just to be in his presence, to hold his hand, to fall asleep on his shoulder excited her.

He slowly drew his face back. “Everyone on this plane will start gossiping if we continue like this.”

She smiled at his cheekiness. “They already are, I reckon.” So she shrugged and pulled him back for one more kiss before settling down for the flight. She had no idea what the future would bring. When she would find an apartment. When she would officially move back. But it was okay because she knew that in coming back to Orynth, she came back to herself.

A/N: thanks for joining me for my first and last fic or 2025 😂 not sure if I’ll keep writing for Rowaelin since it’s sort of died down but maybe?

Tag List: (is this even still a thing?)

Aelin loved Orynth during the holiday season, she really did. It wasn’t just one thing, it was everything. Even living 10 years in Adarlan couldn’t take the sense of home she felt when she came back to Orynth. She missed the smell of the freshly baked bread above her dad’s office building. She missed ice skating on the ponds along the plains of Theralis and the tree lighting in the town square. Most of all, she missed her cousin.

Aedion was a few years older than her but the two were thick as thieves growing up. After both his mom and her parents passed away suddenly, Aelin had run from everything and everyone, moving to Adarlan to start over. In her hurry to leave, she shut Aedion out. Aelin knew she was entirely at fault but seeing Aedion, who looked so much like herself and, therefore, her mother, was too painful. Freshly 18, Aelin felt like she had no choice but to start over somewhere new, where no one knew her name or history. 

The baggage she carried was heavy. Her time in Adarlan helped to lighten the load but there was always something missing, an Aedion-shaped hole in her heart. So she reached out, hoping that he didn’t hate her as much as she hated herself for leaving him in the dust. It had been rocky at first to say the least. Aedion had every right to be pissed at her and pissed at her he was. Slowly but surely, emailing became texting, became calls on the phone that were short in length, then hours long. She missed her cousin. He really was her only surviving family and 18 year old Aelin didn’t know what she was losing when she ran away. 

Which was how she found herself at 28, standing in Orynth airport, palms sweaty and anxiety creeping up her stomach. This was the first time she would be seeing Aedion in ten years, the first time she’d come back to Orynth. And while that anxiety was heightening, there was also a relief that came with being back. She was sure things had changed but those 10 long years had given her perspective and time to process everything that had happened. 

“Aelin!” 

Her head snapped toward the sound of her name, the voice familiar yet also so different from the last time she heard it. She wasn’t sure whether to smile, laugh, cry, or look sheepish when she spotted Aedion. So instead, she stood frozen, just taking in her almost-twin. He looked similarly to how he did at 20, golden hair and turquoise eyes. But there were smaller notes that weren’t there before: the laugh lines beside his eyes, his jaw that filled out into a man’s face instead of the lanky young-adult he used to be. 

She couldn’t help it then. The tears came freely and it took everything in her to not sob in the middle of Orynth International. 

A pair of strong arms– stronger than they had been 10 years ago– wrapped around her and she buried her face into his familiar warmth. Even the years and miles separating them couldn’t stop her from feeling like this was where she was meant to be, back with her family in the town she grew up in. Adarlan had become a place she lived in over the last few years but it never felt quite the same as Orynth. It never felt like home. She hoped that reconciling with Aedion would be the first step into feeling like herself again. She hoped that he would be able to forgive her.

When she pulled back a while later, she almost broke again at the glistening tears in Aedion’s own eyes. Looking at him then, she knew that everything was going to be okay. Maybe they wouldn’t be able to get back to how they were but that also wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. As long as they could be as close as siblings again, she would be okay. 

“Let’s get you home, yeah?” Aelin could only smile tightly and nod. 

- - - - -

Aedion lived in a quiet suburb of Orynth with his wife, Lysandra, and son, Gavryn. The house was a picturesque townhome, the yulemas decorations sparkling and making it look like something out of the Best Homes of Orynth magazine. Aelin already knew Lysandra, of course. They were classmates a lifetime ago; a time when they didn’t get along. Aedion had explained to her on their many phone calls and facetimes how he and Lysandra got together and Aelin had promised to keep an open mind just for him. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t like Lysandra, but rather that they were too alike. In high school, both she and Lysandra were competitive, always volleying for the team captain spot in whichever sport they were playing or vying to be the head of a school committee. She had assumed the other woman had calmed down after 10 years of growth but Aelin also secretly hoped that Lysandra hadn’t lost her spark. Despite being rivals in a sense, she always quietly admired the brunette beauty for her drive and tenacity. 

Aelin herself had changed in ways she couldn’t even begin to describe. Of course, she calmed down, saw her therapist once a week, and pretended to be an adult as best she could. But she was loath to admit that there was also a part of her that felt flattened by the last decade. She didn’t feel the same drive or competition, didn’t want to be in charge while also not wanting to relinquish control. In summary, she felt…unsettled, agitated. Adarlan was great for all its beauty and life, but she was antsy and needed a change.

She hadn’t told Aedion yet but if all went well during the week she was here, Aelin would be looking for apartments in Orynth. She hoped that being back in her old stomping grounds would give her a sense of her old self, one she quickly found herself missing since being back there. 

“Annnddd here we are!” Aedion opened their bright yellow front door with a flourish. “Home sweet home.”

Aelin sheepishly smiled, still feeling like she had to walk on eggshells around him. 

“Thanks, Aedion. It’s beautiful, truly.” She only got to take in the small foyer before a pitter patter of small feet made their way through the house. 

“Daddy!” A streak of blonde darted past Aelin, right into Aedion’s waiting arms. 

“Hey, little dude. Where are your pants?” Aedion poked the 3 year old’s belly and a plethora of giggles erupted from the small boy, clad in only a firetruck-printed pull-up.

“Mommy said I could take them off. I was goin’ on the potty!” 

“No way!” Aedion spun Gavryn around and another gaggle of laughs burst forth. It warmed Aelin’s heart to see him this way, both of them. Gavryn was adorable and looked so much like her cousin did when they were children that it hurt. And Aedion…well, he deserved all the happiness in the world. 

“Gav, this is Auntie Aelin. She’s going to be staying with us for the holidays.”

The boy slightly hid his face in his father’s shoulder, mumbling something so low that Aelin couldn’t hear. She slowly reached out to tickle his belly, not wanting to scare him off but also wanting to show that she was no threat to him. She could be a cool auntie. Even if she had no idea how to be an aunt at all. 

“Hey Gavryn. What did you say, Buddy?”

Gavryn picked his head up slightly, “I said, you’re Auntie Aelin from the pictures.” 

Aelin was dumbstruck at that. “From the…pictures?”

Gavryn wiggled his way free of his father’s arms, running toward the adjoining room and pointing. “Here! That’s Auntie Aelin!”

Aelin slowly made her way into what turned out to be a cozy-furnished living room and looked toward where the young boy was pointing. And sure enough, there was a picture on the wall of her and Aedion from when they were just little kids. But Aelin’s eyes drifted to the other pictures next to it. She was wrong at first. No, there wasn’t only one picture of “Auntie Aelin.” Instead, scattered throughout the more recent memories, there were many pictures of her and Aedion as kids, as teens, as almost-young adults. Rhoe and Evalin were in a few, standing with Aedion’s mom, Ella. It almost hurt to look at the photos, the slightly washed-out colors bringing her back to a time where she didn’t feel so lost. 

She jumped when Aedion’s voice spoke quietly next to her, lost in her daze. “I never forgot, you know.” Aelin turned her head toward him, questions in her eyes. “I never forgot you. I knew you’d be back one day. That you’d come back home.” 

Aelin’s eyes were burning with unshed tears. She hated how her voice cracked when she tried to speak. “I never forgot either. I’m…I’m so so–”

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. Please. You did what you had to do. There’s nothing to forgive, okay? It wasn’t easy but I knew you’d be back one day. And I’m glad you’re here while Gavryn is still young, that he can know what an amazing person his Auntie Ae is.” 

“I haven’t seen you in ten years, how do you even know that I’m amazing anymore?”

“One, don’t get modest on me now, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius.” He smirked at the use of her full name. The smirk quickly gentled as his voice softened, “And two, I saw that look in your eye when you were looking at these pictures. Maybe you don’t feel it right now but you’re still you, Aelin. You still belong here. And you’ll always have a place with me, even if you don’t want it.” 

A single tear escaped her eyes but before she could respond, a strong, female voice called from the opposite end of the room. “Well, well, well. Do my eyes deceive me or is that Aelin Galathynius in the flesh?”

- - - - -

Dinner was a slightly awkward affair at first. Lysandra was perfectly cordial and Aelin was shocked to find that she actually liked the woman. While there were lulls in conversation, there also was certainly no silence at the table. Gavryn apparently decided he was her new best friend, talking her ear off about anything and everything. 

“Auntie Ae, did you know that Mommy’s a shape-shitter?”

“A…what?” Aelin couldn’t help the smile that overtook her face as she met Lysandra’s gaze.

“A shape-shitter. She can be a cat or puppy dog or even a lion!” 

Aelin snorted. “Ohhh, a shape-shifter.”

“Uh huh. And so can I! Watch!

Aelin knew the kid was dramatic but the growl that came out of him was slightly inhuman. Gavryn looked so proud of himself.

“Wow! You’re very talented, indeed. You sounded exactly like a lion!”

“No, Auntie Ae. I am a lion. I shape-shitted into one. And that was a tiger sound.” 

“Oh, my apologies,” she said through hidden laughter. Aelin couldn’t remember her heart feeling so full in a very, very long time. 

“Auntie Ae, do you want to go to the Yue-mas tree lights tonight?”

Aelin looked to Aedion for confirmation. At his nod, she nodded. “I really do. Can you show me around, Gav?”

“Uh huh! I know where to go for the most fun stuff.” 

- - - - -

“The most fun stuff” according to Gavryn turned out to be playing the carnival games that were lined up in the town square. They played the ring toss over and over and over again until Gavryn won the big, pink teddy bear he wanted. “You know that you could’ve just bought him that for like $10 at the department store down the road, right?”

Aedion rolled his eyes half-heartedly. “It’s about the memories, Aelin.” She snorted in response. 

Hugging his big teddy bear, Gavryn let out a big, squeaky gasp and took off running. “Wowan!!” Aelin turned in time to see the most ruggedly handsome man snatch Gavryn up effortlessly from where he stood by the Yulemas tree. The man’s smile was breathtaking, if she was putting it lightly. She could tell he was the broody type based on his frown lines but the slight indents of dimples made their way to his face and he was a changed man. 

She only realized she was staring when Lysandra sidled up to her and cleared her throat. “Maybe you should take a picture, Aelin.” Aelin could only blink and look back at her new-almost-friend. 

She leaned in more closely and whispered, “Who’s the hot Jack Frost?”

At the nickname, Lysandra snickered. But before she could answer, Gavryn was already running back over to her and pulling her by the hand over to the Jack Frost look-alike.

“Wowan!! This is my Auntie Ae!!”

Trying not to be too completely dumbstruck by the man before her, Aelin offered her hand for a shake. The rough pads of his hands sent a thrill up her spine. Not the time, Aelin. You’re here for family fun only.

“Nice to meet you, Auntie Ae.” His damn smirk. It’d be the death of her.

“Nice to meet you…Jack, I presume?” She tried to play it off with humor but instead, her delivery fell flat. Damn nerves. The man’s face became bewildered but he said nothing. “Because…because you look like Jack Frost? Ya know, because of your hair.” She reached out and ruffled the front of his hair. Ruffled. His. Hair. Like he was some dog. Gods, she was so stupid, stupid, stupid. 

The man pursed his lips. “Right. Well I have to be going,” he said, backing away. “Duty calls.” 

Aelin never had a man run from her quite as quickly as the mystery man did. And she  had never been as mortified as she was in that moment. She couldn’t help herself from actually hanging her head in her hands like they did in movies. 

“Cheer up, buttercup. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as you think it was.” Lysandra’s voice was teasing but not unkind. 

“That man just ran from me as fast as humanly possible. Maybe even with the speed of a fae.”

At that, Lysandra actually burst out laughing. “Okay, I’m not going to lie, it was pretty bad. But Rowan’s chill. He’ll come around and forgive you.” Lysandra paused. “Especially for the whole petting his head part. Maybe he’ll even want you to do it again.”  Aelin didn’t even need to look to know that her friend was wagging her eyebrows.

Aelin slapped the woman on the arm lightly. “You know damn well that I just scared that man off for good.”

Lysandra gave her a knowing smile. “I wouldn’t be so sure. Rowan doesn’t look at many people like he looked at you.”

“What? Like I hung the moon? How cliche, Lys.”

“No, like you put the fear of the gods into him. But also with a sprinkle of intrigue. Do you know how much it takes to intrigue Rowan Whitethorn?” By the look on Lysandra’s face, she assumed it was a lot. 

“Rowan Whitethorn, huh?” Aelin swore to herself that she was totally not going to look him up on social media later.

- - - -

Aelin totally looked up Rowan Whitethorn on social media as soon as she was alone and cozy in her room at Aedion’s house. The man, however, was completely undetectable online. She found one profile that could have been him but was completely private and another 20 for “Rowan White.” It seemed Rowan Whitethorn was not a very common name. Aelin brushed it off, assuring herself that Orynth was a big town and she would never see him again. 

Still, at breakfast the next morning, she couldn’t help but ask Aedion about him. Lysandra had already taken Gavryn to daycare for the day, claiming she and Aelin were having a “girls only” day, whatever that entailed.

“So what’s up with this Rowan Whitethorn?”

Aedion chuckled. “Ah, yes. Lysandra told me you had quite a…run in…with him.” 

Aelin rolled her eyes. “Ugh yes, yes. Let’s all make fun of Aelin. But seriously, what’s his deal?”

“Self deprecation doesn’t suit you, Ae. And Rowan’s a good friend.” Aedion shrugged. “He’s honestly a great guy and he mostly keeps to himself. Loves Gavryn, though. And Gavryn loves him and genuinely thinks he’s the greatest thing since Bluey. He’s pretty private so anything else, well, you’ll just have to ask him.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“And why not?”

“Because the man literally ran away from me after I fucking petted his hair!”

Aedion burst out in laughter. “Gods, it’s even better when you tell it.” Aelin crossed her arms and pouted. Just then, Lysandra walked in, taking in the scene with a raised brow.

“Do I even want to know?”

“Aelin was just regaling me with the tale of her encounter with Rowan.” Lysandra joined in on the laughter. And even though she was the butt of the joke, Aelin felt lighter for the first time in a long time. 

- - - - -

Walking around the shops of Orynth with Lysandra felt like a dream. Everything felt so similar to her childhood, yet also completely different. The shops she knew and loved were still there, but remodeled and updated from their previous design. And their owners were the same but now had streaks of grey and white in their hair, showing just how much time had passed. 

But as they were meandering through bookstores and cafes and the one, lone department store, Aelin couldn’t help but feel a spark of something. Something that had been there many years ago but hadn’t reared its head in over a decade. 

“What else is on the agenda today, Shape-shitter?”

Lysandra cackled at the nickname. “Well, I thought we could go into a few more shops so that I can finish up the Yulemas shopping for Gav and Aedion and then maybe we can get dinner? Just you and I?”

Aelin smiled at her. “I’d like that.” Despite their rocky beginning, Aelin was really starting to like Lysandra and would even consider her a friend. 

Aelin stopped suddenly, a muted golden storefront catching her eye. “What’s this? I don’t remember this from when I was little.”

“Oh! That’s Pine and Snow. It has a little bit of everything but it’s mostly hand-drawn art and trinkets. You can also usually find some cute rebound books in there.”

“Mind if I go in?”

“Of course. While you go in there, I’m just going to stop next door quickly for one of Aedion’s gifts.” Aelin nodded and pushed her way inside, the green door jingling as she opened it.

The smell of craft stores was unmatched but this one in particular was really living up to its name. The owner must have had candles or air fresheners set up to make it actually smell like pine and snow. Aelin closed her eyes, breathing in the scent and allowing it to take her back to snowy days sledding with her dad and Aedion. The scent was so vivid that she decided she needed to find the candle and hoped that they sold it in-store. 

Aelin was just about to give up when she spotted a candle stand in the corner of the shop, the canisters very rustic looking in glass jars with wooden tops. While each was labeled, it was all things like “birch and evergreen” and “redwood and aspen.” Any of these, in theory, could smell like the pine and snow of the shop and so, naturally, she decided to open each one. 

“Do you need any help over here?”

Aelin was startled out of her mission by a familiar, slightly accented voice. Oh fuck.

She turned and saw the spark of recognition enter Rowan’s eyes. Thankfully, this time he didn’t make a run for it. Yet, her traitorous mind thought. 

“I–ah, no! I’m just testing the candles. It smells really good in here and I just figured I’d see if you had the scent.”

“Ah, I see. You’re probably smelling a mix of scents so I’m not sure which one you were looking for.”

“The one that smells like…pine and snow?”

Rowan raised an amused brow. “My shop is called Pine and Snow but unfortunately, I don’t have any that specifically smell like that.” HIs voice was deadpan and while his face held some amusement, she couldn’t read his tone. 

“You own the shop?” Rowan nodded. “And you make everything here?”

“Aye, there’s some products I buy from local vendors but yes, everything else is made by me.” 

“Wow. Thats…incredible.” Smooth, Aelin. 

A stilted silence overtook the space between them until they both tried to speak at the same time. 

“I should ap–”

“I think you’re–”

 Aelin let out a huff of laughter. “You first.”

Rowan reached past her, picking up a green candle. “I was just going to say that I think you’re probably going to like this one best if you want it close to pine and snow.”

He handed her the green jar and she noted that it was the “birch and evergreen” scent. “Thanks.”

“Sorry, though. Touching my hair doesn’t come free with this scent, unfortunately.” His cocksure smile did things to her heart right before his gruff tone grated her nerves.

Aelin’s cheeks flamed red and she was sure that Rowan could probably see the embarrassment on her face, quickly replaced by irritation. It was one thing to make the social faux-pa she had but another to be taunted for it. 

So naturally, she did what she had done best for the last 10 years: she avoided. “You know what, I think I’m going to just go. Thanks for the info, Jack.”

Rowan’s face dropped and a look of annoyance crossed his face at the nickname. Was there also underlying confusion she detected in his gaze? No matter, if he was willing to tease her, she could dish it right back to him. Two could play at this game, she thought.

Stepping outside, she found Lysandra exiting the shop next door.

“You traitorous bitch!” Her words may have been harsh but they held no heat. 

Lysandra didn’t even try to hide her smirk. “Who, me?”

“You knew that Rowan Whitethorn owned that shop and just decided not to tell me?”

Lysandra shrugged. 

“The same Rowan Whitethorn that just told me that hair touching didn’t come for free with a candle I was going to buy?” 

If it were possible for someone to actually howl like a wolf, Lysandra took the cake. “You…oh god…he what?!” While this was a very, very serious situation, Aelin couldn’t help the slight uptick of her lips at her friend’s laughter. 

“Yup. You heard me correctly.”

“Aelin, you seriously have the worst game, I swear.” 

“It’s not my flirting skills that are lacking. I’m perfectly capable of that. But it’s just something about him that makes me completely and utterly…”

“Stupid?”

“Yeah.” Aelin sighed. 

“Cmon,” Lysandra said, pulling her arm toward the bar across the street. “I’ll buy you dinner and a drink. Or maybe two.” 

- - - - -

“Auntie Ae!”

If it were possible for a three year old to stand still, Aelin knew that sure as hell wasn’t the case with Gavryn. The boy was jumping up and down in his place in line to see Santa during their second outing to the town square.

“I’m gonna ask for a BIG monster truck and a puppy!” 

“Oh yeah, buddy? That sounds so fun!” A quick look to Lysandra confirmed that, no, Gavryn would not be getting a puppy for Yulemas.

Aelin was surprised that Gavryn sat long enough to whisper in Santa’s ear, wiggling around to no end. But at the end, his little face turned its attention toward her, sliding smoothly from Santa’s lap and making a beeline to where she was standing off to the side. 

“Auntie Ae, come! You have to meet Santa, too!”

“Wha—” The three year old was a lot stronger than he looked and when he took her hand and pulled her to Santa, she couldn’t stand her ground. 

“Gavryn, I don’t think–”

“Shh, Auntie Ae, you have to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him your secrets.”

She muttered a quick I don’t think that’s how this works under her breath before looking toward Santa for a reprieve. But when she glanced at Santa, his green eyes were all too familiar-looking. Aelin figured she probably looked like a deer in headlights but to be fair, so did “Santa.”

“Gavryn, I don’t think Santa wants me to sit on his lap. I’m...I’m...too old! Uh huh!”

“Nonshence, Auntie Ae. Daddy says you’re never too old for Santa!”

Aelin closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to see the spectacle she was surely making in the town square. If she focused slightly, she was sure she would hear Lysandra and Aedion snickering. She gave herself until the count of three and opened her eyes back up, looking at Gavryn. His pleading Ashryver eyes held so much sway over her that she had to laugh. 

Plucking up her courage, Aelin stepped onto the platform where Rowan-Santa was sitting. She gave him a tight smile before unceremoniously plopping into his lap. A small “oof” left his mouth, as if she had caught him off guard. She felt his gloved hand slowly come up to her middle back. She was almost startled when he let out a booming “Ho! Ho! Ho!” for the benefit of the crowd and Gavryn.

“And what can I get you for Yulemas, Auntie Ae?” She narrowed her eyes at the use of Gavryn’s nickname for her. He leaned closer to her ear, lowering his voice so that Gavryn wouldn’t be able to hear. “Or are you going to tell me a secret like your nephew wants, instead?”

Aelin put on her sweetest smile. She knew exactly what she was going to ask Santa for.

- - - - -

“What the hell did you say to Santa, Aelin?”

She tried not to let the corners of her mouth twitch upwards in a smirk, she really did. But in the end, she couldn’t help it. “Nothing of importance.” 

Lysandra looked entirely skeptical. “Mmhm. Right. And that’s why Santa’s face got redder than the town’s fire truck?”

“How would I know? Maybe he was just so overwhelmed by my stunning beauty and didn’t expect to have such a beautiful woman sitting on his lap.”

“Ah, there’s the Aelin I know. But seriously, what did you say to him? Everyone knows that it’s Rowan up there. Except the kids, obviously.”

“I just asked for something to ease frustration, that’s all.”

“And that means…?”

“I told Santa that I wanted a dildo.” Aelin did her best to act nonchalant when in reality, she felt anything but. Whispering that in Rowan’s ear was a spur of the moment decision, but in that moment she wanted to do anything to wipe the cocky smirk off his face. 

Lysandra apparently thought it was the funniest thing and sent the coffee she was sipping flying everywhere. Instead of cleaning herself up right away once her laughter died down, the brunette just stared at her, mouth gaping. “You do realize that the get-together you’re going to with Aedion and Gav tonight is at Rowan’s shop, right? Hosted by the man himself?” Aelin froze.

“What?”

“Yeah, he always has a little shop decorating, open house thing the week before Yulemas.”

“So….”

“You’ll have to see him again tonight? Yeah. Yeah you will.” Lysandra hid her smirk behind her coffee as she took another sip.

“Fuck me.”

“Not me, honey. But maybe if you’re lucky, someone else will,” her friend teased with a wink.

- - - - -

She wasn’t desperate, really. She didn’t want to give the wrong impression and show up at this gathering too glitzy. It was, however, a holiday party and she wanted to look nice. Just because of the town, of course, not because of anyone in particular. She was wearing her nicest pair of jeans (that made her butt look fabulous, if she was being truthful) and a chunky sweater, rounded out by some gold accent jewelry and combat boots. Casual. Composed. Cool.

A knock on her bedroom door had her turning to her cousin, who looked…not put together. He gave her a sheepish smile as he entered the room. 

“Hey, best cousin!” Aelin didn’t like how this conversation was starting, not at all. “So, I know you and I were supposed to take Gav down to Rowan’s for his open house thing and I know that I always help out there but I’m feeling a little under the weather. I was hoping that the burning in my throat would go away but it’s still here and I’m pretty sure I’m running a low fever.” 

Aelin had to admit that her cousin was not looking his best. He had a flush on his cheeks and she could hear that his voice was a little hoarse.

“Ok, well why don’t you just go lay down and I can run and get some medicine or food or something for you? We don’t have to go tonight.” While a part of her was relieved, she also detected some disappointment running through her. 

“The problem is that I typically help Rowan with some of the food stuff, which is why we were going a little early. I know he wouldn’t mind and would tell me to stay home but I just feel bad, ya know?”

“O–kay? What do you want me to do about that?” Aelin already had a sneaking suspicion she knew what Aedion was going to ask. 

“Can you go over and help him out? Even if it’s only for a bit to get him started and then I promise you can come right back?”

Aelin sighed. It was bad enough that she embarrassed herself more times than she was willing to admit at this point but now she had to pretend that everything wasn’t weird from her little request to Santa, too and help him with his shop. Cool. No problem. 

Resigned to her fate, she muttered, “Ok, fine. I’ll take Gav too so you can rest.” Aelin pointed at her cousin. “But don’t say I’ve never done anything for you.”

Aedion put his hands up in surrender. “I’d never dream of it. Lysandra should be done with her work party at 6:30 and she’ll stop by to check in and pick up Gavryn. And also, ya know, to give you an out if you need it.”

Aelin sighed, knowing that while this situation wasn’t ideal, it also wasn’t the worst and it was the least she could do to repay Aedion for letting her stay with him.

“It’s all good, seriously. I’ll do it and we’ll have a great time!”

Aedion chuckled. “I almost believed you that time.”

- - - - -

The ringing of the bell above the door clanged louder than anything she had ever heard in her life. Or maybe she was just being paranoid, she wasn’t sure. She knew two things for certain, however. One, Gavryn hadn’t stopped bouncing and talking about “Wowan” the entire walk over to Pine and Snow. And two, the silvery-haired man who owned the shop was also currently the only other person present when they walked inside. 

“Wowan!!” Gavryn dropped her hand as quickly as he was physically able and ran over to Rowan, who, to her chagrin, was looking quite adorable in a Yulemas-printed apron over his grey slacks and green sweater. 

The man’s face lit up at the sight of Gavryn running toward him. “Hey buddy! I’m so glad you’re here. I have lots of fun stuff for you to do tonight with the other kids.” 

Aelin made her way inside the shop, taking in the glittering decorations and small tables set up with various goods. In one corner, there was a craft station outfitted with watercolor paints and tiny aprons for the kids to wear. In another, a hot chocolate machine whirred enticingly. 

“Well if it isn’t Auntie Ae.” Rowan sidled up to her, still holding Gavryn, who was reaching for a paper snowflake. 

“Just Aelin, actually.” Rowan pursed his lips as if trying to hold words in.

“No Aedion tonight?”

“He’s sick, unfortunately. He sends his apologies but he sent me in his stead to help out. So just…you know, let me know what I can do.” She was fully aware that she was allowing her eyes to purposefully wander, not meeting his gaze. 

Rowan fidgeted and actually looked a bit…nervous? She must have been seeing things because there was no way this Adonis of a man was anything but confident around her after all of her fuck ups in the past few days.  

With a surprising gentleness of someone of his size, Rowan put Gavryn down. “Hey buddy, how about you get the watercolor project started so that we can show everyone an example?” Gavryn looked so giddy to not only be helping Rowan out but also to have his art on display. With a practiced ease, Gavryn slipped into one of the seats at the craft table and began painting. 

Once he was settled, Rowan turned to her and stuck his hand out. “I think maybe we got off to the wrong start. I’m Rowan.”

Aelin took his hand and tried to give a small smile. “I know. I’m Aelin.” She needed to stop looking into his eyes or else she might just stay there for an eternity.

“Well Aelin, welcome to Orynth.”

She snorted lightly. “I’ve been here before, you know.”

“Oh?” His smile was going to be the death of her, she knew it already.

She shrugged. “I grew up here.” Now was really the time when she should’ve dropped his hand. But her smaller hand stayed nestled in his larger one and to be quite honest, she was hesitant to let go. 

“Well, I guess I should say welcome back, then.” 

Aelin huffed. “Thanks. It’s–it’s good to be back, actually.” Rowan gave her a smile that told her he knew more than he was letting on. She wasn’t actually sure how close he and Aedion were but she was beginning to think that maybe Rowan filled a hole in her cousin’s life that she made when she left. 

Finally. Finally, Rowan dropped her hand. If he held it any longer while also holding her gaze, she was sure that her palms were going to start getting clammy. Just another embarrassment to add to her list. 

“So–the Santa thing, huh?” She tried to keep her voice down, careful of Gavryn’s listening ears. Rowan chuckled and nodded his head toward the back room, where stacks of boxes awaited them. Rowan held a few out to her and she took them, waiting for him to pick up his own boxes and then following him to the display of food that was half-complete. 

Setting the boxes down, he heaved a sigh. “Yeah. The Santa thing.” He chuckled. “I don’t even know how it started, since I know you’re going to ask that. But I’ve been doing it every year for the last five years. The kids never seem to know it’s me so I’ll keep doing it until they figure it out.”

“It’s sweet that you do that.” He gave her a skeptical look. “No, seriously! It’s very sweet.”

“No comment on the color of my hair being just the right shade of silver for Santa?”

Aelin slapped her hands over her eyes. “Oh my gods. I’m never going to live that down.”

His chuckle sent shivers through her. “Nope,” Rowan said as he leaned a little closer, “never.”

She groaned. “What can I do to make you forget it?”

Rowan paused and thought about it. “Apart from hitting me over the head with a bat, I’m not sure anything could ever make me forget you petting my hair.”

“Noted.” She gave him a sly grin to show that she was talking about the bat comment. 

Rowan chuckled at her joke but then a devious smile crossed his face. “Or…you could tell me that secret from the other night?”

“I don’t have a secret.”

“No? Is that why your face got so red when Gavryn asked you to sit on Santa’s lap?”

“My face does not get red.” Rowan raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“It’s red right now.”

Aelin let out a noise of frustration. “Stop it!”

“Stop what?”

“That.”

It was humor she detected in Rowan’s voice. “Considering I don’t know what ‘that’ is, how can I stop doing it?”

“Urgh. Let’s just get these unpacked, okay? Then I’ll be out of your hair.”

She could tell Rowan was holding back a laugh. “You got it, your Majesty.”

She gave him a look of annoyance but said nothing more, the two of them working in silence to get the shop ready for visitors. That’s how they remained for the next 20 minutes, quietly working like a well-oiled machine despite not knowing anything about one another. Every so often, they’d check in on Gavryn, who was making his masterpiece in the corner of the shop or begging for a cup of hot cocoa, which Aelin very willingly handed over as penance for Aedion leaving her with this frustrating and yet very sexy man. 

It surprised her, the ease she felt around the stoic Rowan. While they didn’t hold a full conversation since she entered the shop, it also wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, either. She could tell that his words earlier were teasing and light. She just was a little taken aback at the fact that he could get under her skin so easily, something that no one had been able to do in quite some time. 

“Aelin, I don’t think I said this yet but thanks.” He gestured to the shop. “For helping out with this. I know you don’t even know me and we got off to a bit of a rocky start but it means a lot.”

Aelin’s insides melted a little. “Seriously, it’s no problem at all. I owed a favor to Aedion anyway for letting me stay with him for the week.”

“Still, I feel like I’m in your debt. Maybe I can–”

The bell jingled above the shop, breaking them out of their reverie. She didn’t realize how close they had been standing until she broke away toward the sound. 

“Rowan, my man!”

A blonde haired guy who honestly looked like he should’ve been on the cover of a magazine breezed into the shop, along with a short, dark-haired woman and a man with a scowl that seemed permanently etched on his face.

Rowan sighed. “Hey, Fen.”

This Fen whistled at the decorations, taking it all in and then turning toward the back where Rowan and Aelin were standing. 

“It looks great in here. You did this all by yourself?”

Rowan looked sheepishly to Aelin, rubbing the back of his neck. “I had some help.”

She could tell the moment that Fen’s eyes honed in on her. Normally, that kind of hungry look would be enough for her to turn on the charm but surprisingly, she didn’t feel like it tonight. It certainly didn’t have anything to do with the silver-haired man standing right next to her. Gods, what had they put into the water in this town since she’d been gone?

“And who do we have here?” Fen’s eyes roved over her from head to toe, not disrespectfully. 

“Cut it out, Fen. This is Aelin, Aedion’s cousin. Aelin, meet Fenrys. And that’s Elide and Lorcan.” Aelin gave a small wave.

“Wait, Aelin Galathynius?” The dark haired woman piped up, causing Aelin’s eyes to shoot toward her.

“Yes?”

“You were a grade above me in high school.”

Recognition crashed into Aelin. “Oh my gods! Elide Lochan, right?”

“That’s me! It’s been a long time since we’ve seen you around here.”

“Yeah. It’s been a while.” Aelin didn’t know what else to say, the shame of running 10 long years ago and the fear that Elide would bring up her parents hitting her like a brick.

“Well, hopefully we can hang out sometime soon? Lorcan and I can’t stay long tonight but would you maybe want to get lunch tomorrow?” Before Aelin could even answer, Elide gasped. “Or! There’s actually this ice skating party dance thing on Friday in the town rink. Basically the whole town comes out and has a good time. We can totally all meet up there.” 

Aelin did remember her cousin mentioning something about it but didn’t remember any details. “Sure, that sounds great!”

“Perfect.” Elide looked to Lorcan, whose gaze softened at the tiny woman. “We’ll let you get back to,” Elide gestured to her and Rowan, “whatever you were doing.” And with that, the couple walked away, milling around with the other guests that had started to arrive.

Fenrys, on the other hand, lingered, looking very confused. 

“Ro, do you need me to do anything?”

Rowan snapped his gaze to the man, his eyes shooting from where they had been resting on her just a moment ago. “Nah, I think I’ve got it handled. Aelin here has been a huge help.” He gave her a soft smile. 

Fenrys smirked. “Well, Aelin. If you get tired of this old buzzard, come see me. I’ll be around.” Fenrys walked–no, swaggered–away. 

“Is he always like that?”

“Uh huh.”

Aelin chuckled at Rowan’s obvious discomfort. “Old Buzzard. I’ll have to save that one for later.”

Rowan groaned and ran his hand over his face. “Please don’t. Fenrys is just someone that needs constant entertainment or else he gets bored. His life apparently doesn’t have enough drama.”

“Sounds like my kind of person,” Aelin laughed. 

Rowan let out a laugh devoid of mirth. “Well, no one’s stopping you from going after him. In fact, he’s single. Go for it.” For some reason, Rowan’s words left a sour feeling in her stomach. “I’m gonna go check up on the kids table. Do you mind just keeping an ear out if anyone needs help?”

Aelin nodded and was about to respond but Rowan high-tailed it away from her before she was able to do so. 

It was about an hour later that Lysandra finally showed up, apologizing for her late arrival. She picked up Gavryn who was starting to lag from the excitement of the festivities. 

“Aedion texted me and told me you might need some saving.” Lysandra looked at her while raising an eyebrow. 

“I’m good, seriously. It was the least I could do for Aedion.”

“Well, you’re off the hook if you want to get out of here. I’m sure Rowan can clean up himself.” Aelin looked over to where Rowan was talking to one of his customers, a small smile playing on his lips. Tonight had been such a great night, truly. It was nice to see a whole community coming together to support a small business and for that business to give back in its own way. She had a warmth in her heart that she just hadn’t been able to find in Adarlan. And while most of that was from the community that she had felt a part of tonight, another small portion was because of the silver-haired enigma standing 10 feet away. 

“Aelin?”

Aelin was snapped back to reality by her friend. “Sorry. I’ll stay for a bit, I think.” Truthfully, she was having a good time but she also didn’t love how she left things with Rowan. She owed him nothing and he owed her nothing and if she was being honest, she didn’t even know what she felt, but his annoyance didn’t sit lightly with her and she wanted to clear the air. Or at the very least, help him with cleaning up. 

She gave a wave to Lysandra and placed a gentle kiss on a dozing Gavryn’s forehead. 

Lysandra smiled at her. “Text me when you leave, okay? You know where the key is.”

Aelin nodded at her friend.

The shop had emptied out and there were only a few stragglers left looking at some of the pieces Rowan had on display. Aelin figured it was safe to start cleaning up the disposable cups and plates that were setting around. 

It was only a little while later that she felt more than heard Rowan come up behind her. 

“You don’t have to do that, Aelin.” She turned toward him, his ruffled hair indicating that he had been running his hands through it. She felt a pang of jealousy. She wanted to do that.

She shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I can just help you clean up and then hopefully we both can get home faster.” She turned back to the small pile of trash she amassed as she cleaned Rowan’s shop. What she didn’t see was the chair that was settled to her left, catching on her foot and making her trip backwards. Aelin braced for the feel of the hard ground but it never came. Instead, strong arms held her with care and left her completely breathless.

Rowan’s voice was a whisper when he spoke. “Careful, there.”

Aelin said nothing in return, only allowed her gaze to fixate on him. His ruffled hair, his strong jaw, and finally, his piercing green eyes. 

Her voice was raspier and more breathless than she expected. “Thanks.” Rowan nodded and helped her to stand up.

Once she was free, she ran her hands over her jeans, straightening out wrinkles that weren’t there. Clearing her throat, she tried to make light of the tension that now lay like a blanket over the room. “Anyway…” She let out a forced laugh.

“Seriously, Aelin. You don’t have to help me clean up. Go home and rest. Go spend time with your cousin.”

“It’s fine. I want to help clean up.”

Rowan let out a noncommittal sound. “Why?”

Aelin scoffed. “What do you mean ‘why?’” 

“I mean, ‘why?’ Why do you feel like you need to help me? I’m perfectly capable of doing this on my own.”

“Because Aedion asked me to help?  Because you’re his friend? Because I owe him?”

“Did he say that?” Rowan’s face was dead serious. “Did he say that you owe him?”

“No, but I do.” This conversation was quickly veering into dangerous–and too serious–territory. 

“I don’t think that’s true. You said that earlier, too. That you ‘owed’ him. And if I thought that you were talking about him having you stay with him for this week, then I’d let it slide. But I don’t think that’s what you mean, is it?”

Damn this man. How could he know nothing about her yet be able to read her like a book?

“You don’t know me.”

“You’re right. And I’m sorry if I overstepped. But even if I don’t know you, it doesn’t mean that I don’t recognize the guilt that you hold.”

“Why? Because you have the same guilt?” Aelin knew that was a nasty comment, a ridiculous thing to ask. 

“Yes,” he answered simply. “I do. I know exactly what it feels like to come back to a place that was your home and not feel like you belong there anymore. Or to feel like you should never have left. But in the end, it’s part of who we are. And we can only move forward from it.”

A lone tear somehow worked its way down Aelin’s face. She felt hopeful when she came back to Orynth. She wanted to put the past behind her, start anew, but also pick back up where she’d left off when she’d left Orynth. But she’d also been holding so much guilt over leaving Aedion, over missing so many parts of his life–the only family she had left. She kept telling herself she was fine; that since Aedion forgave her, all was healed. But the truth was that she wasn’t healed. She wasn’t sure if she ever would be. Being back in Orynth felt right but it didn’t come without its hardships, either. 

She sniffled just as Rowan’s thumb met her cheek, catching her tear before it dripped down her chin. 

“I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.” Rowan’s voice was soft, genuine.

Aelin looked up at him, whose eyes held their own mist. The same eyes that held a pain she didn’t see before. She gently laid her hand over Rowan’s that was resting on her cheek. 

“No. Don’t be sorry. I think…I think I needed to hear that, actually.” She let out a hoarse laugh. “You’re right that I’ve felt so guilty. And I don’t honestly know if there will ever be a time that I won’t. But maybe I should try.”

“I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to.” Rowan’s thumb gently traced a path from the apple of her cheek down to her chin. “I know we don’t know each other well but I’m here.”

Aelin looked at him genuinely, “Thank you. And same to you. I think there might be more to you than just Santa and Buzzards, Rowan Whitethorn.”

His laughter was music to her ears. 

“Cmon,” his hand glided down to catch her own. “Let’s clean up and then I’ll walk you home, yeah?” 

Aelin nodded. “Yeah.”

- - - - -

“So let me get this straight. You had a heart to heart. He walked you home right to the damn doorstep. And then NO KISS?!” 

Aelin rolled her eyes at Lysandra’s theatrics. “Yes, Lys. It’s not like that.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not! We just talked and he said that if I ever needed someone to talk to, that he could be that person. And then we just…talked more. I don’t know.”

“Aelin, let me ask you this. How many men do you know that have offered to just listen to you vent about your life?”

Aelin thought about it, knowing exactly what her friend was getting at. “I don’t know.”

“You do. Answer the question.” Oh, her friend was in a mood.

She sighed. “Just Rowan, I guess.”

“Great. And how many men do you know that are responsible, respectable, business owners?”

“At least five, actually.”

“Ok let’s try that again. Are all those things I just mentioned plus offered to be at your beck and call 24/7?” 

“He did not offer that, stop it.”

“Might as well have,” Lysandra muttered. “I just don’t want to see you throw this potentially good thing away. Rowan’s such a good guy, Aelin. You deserve to be happy.”

“I am happy!”

“Ok, then you deserve to be happier!”

Aelin sighed. She was getting nowhere with this conversation.

“Listen, I know I’m being pushy right now. And if you tell me to back off, I will. I promise. But I think that you and Rowan could have something great if you went for it. I just don’t want you to let it slip past you.” Lysandra threw her hands up in defense. “Ok. That’s it! I’m done, I promise.” She mimed zipping her lips and throwing away the key. 

Aelin never felt like she needed a partner. Sure, she’d had her fair share of lovers over the years but never anything lasting or true. She wasn’t dense enough to not be able to tell the reason why, however. She knew that part of her problem was that she felt the same amount of loneliness when she was with someone as she did when she was single. No one ever made her feel seen or heard. 

Not until last night, that is. 

There was something about Rowan that made her feel like maybe, just maybe, someone could relate to her. That she wasn’t alone in the big wide world.

She just had to figure out what she wanted to do about it.

Tag List:

“Mama, see!” Elspeth said, pointing to a squirrel bounding over a tree branch. “Running, Mama!”

“He’s so fast,” Aelin agreed. 

“Yes, I catch him,” Elspeth mused. 

She reached out, opening and closing her fingers like if she reached out just far enough she could indeed catch the scurrying creature. The enthusiasm her daughter exhibited made Aelin laugh. It was such a simple joy being out here, and she was going to enjoy every second of it. 

The trees opened up, revealing the glade. Lush grass and patches of clover were everywhere, wildflowers growing sporadically in amongst it all. Rowan dismounted, taking care to cradle the babe strapped to him as he did. His head dipped down, murmuring words Aelin couldn’t hear before kissing their son’s head. Finnian was only a few months old and had turned out to be a very contented baby, only as long as he was in contact with one of his parents. Aelin liked to tease that particular trait had been inherited from his father, obsessive and possessive had Rowan written all over it. And no doubt over-protectiveness would be something Finnian would grow into. 

That was why Aelin sat on her horse, waiting. She was perfectly capable of getting herself and Elspeth off the horse safely, but Rowan loved to fuss. He was striding over, eyes doing a quick assessment on if anything had gone awry on the short ride. He was so confident in it that it made his over-protectiveness endearing. Aelin just shook her head at him, smiling at his predictable antics. She hoped he never changed. 

“Come on, Elsie,” Rowan said, hands tucking under Elspeth’s arms. “Move away from the horses once I put you down, all right?”

“Yes, Papa.” Elspeth nodded along with her words. 

Once her feet were on the ground Elspeth did as her father had told her, running to the middle of the glade. Then Rowan turned his attention to Aelin, noting the look on her face. 

“What is it?” He asked, reaching up to grip her waist. 

“I can get down myself,” Aelin replied, even as she braced her hands on Rowan’s shoulders as he lifted her out of the saddle. 

“I know,” Rowan said, once her feet were on the ground. Then he kissed her forehead. “I just like to fuss.”

Aelin grinned, rising up to kiss her mate quickly. “And I love that you do.”

Rowan had one of his small smiles on his face, the ones that conveyed how honoured he was to be living this life with them. “Here, take Finnian and I’ll unpack.”

Rowan manoeuvred Finnian out of the sling and the baby was excited to be released from his confines, or maybe it was just excitement over seeing his mother. His fists waved and he gave Aelin a wide toothless smile. She peppered his chubby cheeks with kisses making him coo. Then Elspeth called for attention, and while Rowan set up their picnic Aelin wandered through the glade with their children, gasping at the wonders her daughter showed her and basking in the affection her son bestowed. 

Once the food was laid out the four of them sat on the rug and ate. Elspeth flittered about, never one to stay still when there were so many things to be curious about. Aelin thoroughly enjoyed the meal the palace cooks had prepared for them, especially the chocolates that she managed to keep all to herself thanks to well timed distractions from Rowan. Soon Elspeth became completely bored with eating and wandered over to the horses. 

They were haltered and grazing happily, Rowan’s large grey was entirely unfazed when Elspeth patted him on the cheek. Aelin could see the tension in Rowan’s shoulders as he watched, analysing every ear twitch and tail shake. 

“You’re going to make yourself sick with worry,” Aelin told her mate.

Rowan shrugged but didn’t turn away. “If I can survive you, I can survive anything.”

“Your father has a point,” Aelin said, her voice over animated as she tapped Finnian’s nose. He tried to grab her hand as she did. 

“Papa, up!” Elspeth demanded, pointing to the horse’s back. “Up!”

“How about Mama’s horse?” Rowan tried to persuade as he strode across the clearing. 

“No, this one,” Elspeth said, patting the chosen horse’s neck. 

“The other one is a better size,” Rowan explained. 

Knowing what her father was up to, she stood there hands on her hips, stubborn as anything. “I want this one.”

Aelin watched the face off, knowing full well who would win. Rowan had a very hard time saying no to his daughter’s wishes, no matter how small or ridiculous. It only took a few more moments to relent. He tightened the horse’s girth before lifting Elspeth up onto the saddle. The little princess was no doubt being showered in gentle requests of be careful and hold on here. Elspeth didn’t seem to mind, she was grinning like this was the best moment of her life. 

“Do you want to go for a ride?” Rowan asked.

“Yes, please,” Elspeth said with a nod. 

Rowan used his fae grace to mount up behind Elspeth, careful not to jostle her as he did. Even with just the halter on the horse was compliant enough to walk the perimeter of the glade, even trotting when encouraged. The bouncing made Elspeth break out into giggles, her arms gripping onto her father for safety. Rowan would never let her fall.

As Aelin watched, Finnian began to doze. She cradled him in her arms as she hummed softly to lull him to sleep. Rowan was a far better singer but as he was otherwise occupied, Finnian would just have to make do. He did, soon his eyes closed, his weight becoming heavier in Aelin’s arms. The one thing he kept hold of was Aelin’s hand as he hugged it to his chest. Letting the horse ease into a stop, went to dismount and Elspeth with him. But she clung onto the saddle, shaking her head. 

“I do it, Papa. Only me,” Elspeth instructed. 

Aelin watched as Rowan debated with himself to figure out the best way to deal with this impending situation. 

“Little love, it’s not very safe up there without me,” Rowan reasoned. 

Elspeth was hearing none of it. “I can do it.”

If she wasn’t trying to keep Finnian asleep, Aelin might have laughed out loud at the sight of Rowan losing his mind over their daughter wanting to ride a giant horse by herself. There was no argument though, he was all fae focus and determination as he slipped off the horse’s back, keeping one hand on Elspeth at all times. It reminded Aelin of their time in Mistward the days after her burnout when Rowan’s whole focus had been on keeping her safe. Now, Aelin had to share out that lovable fussiness, and she didn’t mind one bit. 

“Hold on tight now, Elsie,” Rowan said. 

“You keep me safe, Papa,” Elspeth said with all her confidence. “I’m safe.”

Witnessing that moment of absolute trust had emotion clogging Aelin’s throat. Rowan seemed to sense it, turning for just a moment to offer a soft look of understanding. Elspeth was content to ride for a while, each loop Rowan became more willing to let her hold on by herself. It was a surprise he hadn’t shifted into his hawk to hold her steady with his talons in her collar. Aelin wondered if he would be strong enough to hold a two year old steady… she would have to ask him later. 

“Papa, all finished,” Elspeth announced after a while. Rowan looked openly relieved. 

After helping Elspeth dismount, Rowan secured the horse and rejoined Aelin on the rug. He laid down, staring up at the patches of sky above them. 

“I don’t know why you worry so much,” Aelin teased. “You’d catch her in half a heartbeat.”

Rowan chuckled. “I can’t help it. I’m sure when she’s older it won’t be as bad.”

“Oh, I’m sure. Or maybe you’ll just find other things to worry about,” Aelin teased. 

Rowan’s only answer was another short laugh and then, “We need to get her a pony, something more appropriately sized.”

Aelin nodded. “I’ll talk to the stable master when we get back.”

“Mama! Papa! Look!” Elspeth came running over her arms full of gifts. 

Fashioned out of bark, twigs and leaves were little figures. There was a stag and a hawk, and even a little horse. There was also a circlet made of malleable branches, just the right size for a little princess. Rowan placed it on Elspeth’s head as she sat down to play with her new toys–gifts from the Little Folk. 

“Thank you,” Aelin called into the forest, knowing that her old friends watched from their hiding spots. 

“We’ll have to add them to the collection,” Rowan said, helping himself to some grapes.

Over all these years since she had returned to Terrasen the Little Folk had left her gifts, and now her children had the honour of receiving them as well. It was a reminder of how blessed Aelin had been to live this life and share it with the male who she was honoured to call her mate, and now they were sharing it with their children too. They held a promise of the many years to come. 

Aelin smiled. “Yes, yes we will.”

~~~~~

Celaena Sardothien was in the middle of brewing a calming tonic when a sweet little voice piped up from beside her:

"Can I help, mama, please?"

Celaena looked to her right, finding her eight year old daughter watching her with eager eyes, the golden ring in them drinking in the little flames of the candles around Celaena's workshop.

"Of course you can, my love. Bring over the little rosemary plant and you can crush it in the mortar and pestle."

Eagerly, Eva did exactly that, only slowing down when her mother told her never to run in the workshop, not with all the sharps and flames that Celaena had in the space.

Flames that Celaena herself kept running all day long.

Having found the rosemary plant in a heartbeat, Eva brought it over, standing on the small wooden stool that Celaena had made for her daughter so she could help and learn.

To become a healer like her mother.

Celaena had a touch of water magic in her veins which did help, but with her knowledge of medicinal plants that was what she used to help the people of her town. She may have healing magic, but it was nothing compared to what the great healers of the continent had.

What her late mother had.

With the last finishing touches, Eva slowly poured the tonic into the glass jar, proudly putting in the cork stopper on top and tying it with twine to secure it.

Pride soaring through her, Celaena kissed the top of her daughters head and wrote down the instructions for her patient.

"After we drop this off, do you want to have dinner at the tavern?"

"Yes please!" Eva all but shouted. She loved the local tavern, loved hearing stories from people travelling and resting for the night, the food, playing with other children her age.

There wasn't much to do in this town, but Celaena did whatever she could to keep her daughter happy and entertained.

Sometimes, Celaena wished she could fulfil her daughter's desire for a younger brother or sister. However, Celaena didn't have the heart yet to tell her daughter how she almost died bringing her into the world and that labour was the last thing she wanted to experience.

Besides, in order to have another child, that meant having sex and the last time Celaena had sex was before Eva had even been born, the memory of the man that was her daughter's father always lingering in the corners of her mind. His rough hands always gentle and loving, his lips on her neck, biting down...

"Mama!" Eva interjected, bringing Celaena back into the present. "Can we go now?"

Celaena chuckled at her daughter's enthusiasm. "Let me grab our coats and we can go, alright. And remember, you have to hold on to my hand the entire time."

Eva nodded and waited on bouncing feet.

Eva held on tightly to her mother's hand, and Celaena dreaded the day that Eva decided she was too old to hold her mother's hand.

****

The first piece of gossip Celaena had heard when entering town was that there was a Fae Warrior on the prowl.

With a healthy mix of humans and Fae and demi Fae (with Celaena and Eva fitting into the last category), it wasn't a town shy of different species but this Fae in particular was mean as an adder, according to gossip; snapping at everyone and everything or just staring them down with lifeless eyes. With a harsh tattoo scrawling down in the side of his face, this was one Fae Celaena decided she did not want to cross paths with.

Although she couldn't help but wonder what a warrior was doing around here.

Sure there were town guards like everywhere else, but none had seen battle as far as she was aware.

She was envious of that possible fact. Celaena had been in her fair share of battles and the scars of them hadn't left her alone and never will.

Shaking her head to dispel those thoughts, Celaena made herself listen to her daughter's babble as she caught her mother up on what the children of the town told her when they played as they walked home from the tavern, a few small scrolls of orders clutched in Celaena's free hand.

She would get to work on them after Eva had gone to bed, as they all required overnight brewing.

*****

Quietly, Celaena worked on her next orders, humming to herself when the strongest sensation that she was being watched overcame her.

Hand drifting underneath the space of her workbench, Celaena slowly grabbed a dagger, her free hand warming up with her flames.

Quietly, as if not to startle her, the door opened.

The door she had most definitely locked. She saw the locking mechanism on the ground, shattered.

Her watcher must have done it just as she had done to her small bathing room.

The fact that they weren't waiting for her and instead were coming in now made her flame burn brighter.

She didn't care who it was, she was going to kill them before they could lay a hand on her or her daughter--the only thing she loved in this world.

But before she could burn whoever it was, she wanted to have a look at them before they died.

Celaena regretted it instantly.

Standing at 6'4 with silver hair was the Fae Warrior from earlier. She didn't need to be told for certain that it was him.

She knew this male intimately. She should have realised that one day he would find her, find them even if he didn't truly understand what it was he was looking for.

"Aelin," the male breathed, both a sigh of relief and something else that she could not quite name.

She hasn't heard that name in a long time, not since she left it behind in Doranelle and became Celaena Sardothien, the demi Fae healer.

"What do you want?" Celaena--Aelin--demanded.

"I've been looking for you all this time," Rowan said simply, like it was a normal thing to do; spending nearly nine years hunting for a woman that did not want to be found.

"And you're going to leave like you never did find me," Aelin said, hand gripping the dagger tightly.

There was no way he hadn't scented Eva, hadn't seen her in town with Aelin unaware that he was watching.

"I'm not doing that," he said.

"And why is that?" She asked, stalling, unsure whether to throw the dagger at his head or burn him.

She didn't want to do either, but she would if she had no choice.

"Because, all this time, I wondered what it was that was driving me to find you." Rowan stepped closer, his pine green eyes bright from the fire light. "It was the mating bond. Hounding me day and night, it took me years to realise what it was. But it wasn't just that."

She didn't want to know what else it was, but knew that there was no escaping what was coming next.

"It was this other scent mixed in with the mating bond; the one that plagued me more so than the scent of our bond. It was the scent of the child we created together, the daughter you hid from me all these years, running so that Maeve couldn't keep her."

"Don't say that name," Aelin snapped. For years and years she wanted to forget her aunt, her manipulation and snaring webs she forced Aelin into.

"She won't find you," Rowan said.

"You'll report to her as you always do, Rowan. It's why--" she cut herself off, not wanting to dig herself into a grave she couldn't find her way out of.

"It's why you ran," Rowan said, finishing her thoughts. He knew her too well, even after nearly nine years apart. "Because I was too loyal to her and not to you, my mate. The mother of my child."

Her heart clenched at the words. How badly she had wanted to hear him say those words with pride.

Curiosity got the best of her, and Aelin found herself asking why Maeve wouldn't find her.

"Because she's dead," Rowan said, matter of factly.

The dagger dropped from Aelin's hand, her flames dying.

Dead, dead, dead.

“Objection!” Aelin shouts, reminding Rowan of his role today.

A judge. He’s a fucking judge who can only focus on how the buttons of this lawyer’s shirt are straining to keep her fantastic boobs tucked in.

“On what grounds?” He asked, attempting to recall Salvaterre’s words. Was it too obvious he wasn’t even looking at him?

“Well…” she trailed. Bit her lip—fuck. “I’m hotter than the opposing counsel.”

“Objection sustained.”

“The fuck, dude?” Lorcan shouted, his arms wide in protest.

How disrespectful. “Mr. Salvaterre, one more word like that and I will hold you in contempt.”

His friend went back to the principal argument and… gods, as a law PhD student, helping beginners practice turned out even more painful than Rowan predicted.

The reason he accepted this was currently being the biggest tease in her formal attire, even more so than when he met her months ago, wearing a skirt as big as her beer bottle.

Back at that party, Aelin’s plans consisted of using his body for a night to get back at her cheating ex and forget about each other the next day. It was perfect. It was the goal. It was exactly what Rowan wanted with every girl he hooked up with—sex without strings or expectations.

Except she absolutely blew his mind that night, and when Rowan was about to ask her if she planned to cheat on her boyfriend some more, he learned from Lorcan, who learned from his girlfriend, that Aelin had become faithful. In fact, her lack of loyalty was a one-night payback, and they got back together the same day she woke up in his bed.

What a blow to Rowan’s ego. Being used so rudely turned him on even more.

Lorcan cleared his throat—loudly. Shit.

“Ms. Galathynius, you may begin.”

Aelin got up from a chair in their makeshift court. From the firm expression in her eyes, Rowan felt certain she was already a lawyer—the certificate would be a mere formality.

“Your honor, yes, two people saw Mrs. Briarcliff carry trash bags similar to the ones that contained her husband’s body—so what? I can bring you twenty that didn’t.”

Lorcan yelled, “Are you for fucking real?”

“Mr. Salvaterre, you’ll have your opportunity for rebuttal,” Rowan interrupted. “Ms. Galathynius, you may continue.”

The thing about Aelin and Lorcan is, they don’t get along. Forever glued together by Elide, they were doomed to struggle to tolerate each other.

Which benefited Rowan, since that’s how he met and got information on her.

“Thank you, Your Honor.” She gave him a small nod of appreciation. “I must say that, even if I ate an alphabet soup, I’d shit out a better argument than the opposing counsel’s.”

~~

“You’re a shit judge, Ro.”

Ouch. Rowan wished his stern look showed his thoughts on Lorcan’s statement.

“I’m serious. I’m not asking you to play judge again if you keep this shit up.”

“This isn’t that big of a threat to me.”

He could sense why it was bad for Lorcan, though. Rowan was the only attorney he knew who remained on campus for a PhD, and finding someone else would call for people skills he didn’t possess.

Out of nowhere, Lorcan said, “You should ask her out.”

He blinked, wondering if he’d heard it right.

“Are you high?” Rowan agreed with it, but he wasn’t sure Lorcan agreed with himself.

“I’m not. You’d know that for sure if you’d actually listened to me speak earlier.”

He tried to ignore the guilt weighing down his chest. Despite desperately wanting to take Aelin to his bed again, it wasn’t more important than his friend’s education.

Looking over his friend’s shoulder, Aelin stood next to a desk, gathering her things to leave. Her golden hair shone even under the dull lightning, and although her shirt still enticed him, the sight of her backside called to him.

He tapped Lorcan’s shoulder as a farewell.

“Next time you lose, I’ll make sure it’s fair and square.”

The sound of Lorcan’s laughter drove him to Aelin.

She looked up to him, clutching her book before her chest—pity—and smiled.

“Hey,” Aelin said, “good job in there.”

Rowan held back a grimace; she was the only person who had reason to think so.

He returned the compliment, meaning every word of it. Her skills needed some work and polishing, but Rowan could see a ferocious path ahead of her. Aelin proved to be clever, daring and quick—it was a question of when, before she took Terrasen by storm.

Her smirk was knowing and bordering on predatory—something told him he was just repeating compliments she already knew, but enjoyed hearing anyway.

“Well, thank you, handsome.” Aelin’s voice came out honeyed as she trailed her index finger down his biceps. “Is there anything else you came here to tell me?”

“I—“ Rowan closed his mouth shut before saying it. So, that’s what’s up with the smug grin. Did she know he was into her? “Do you wanna go out sometime?”

She inspected her bare wrist the way one would do a watch. “I’m free now, if your research can wait.”

A blink was all Rowan revealed of the surprise he felt. “That doesn’t give me much time to plan something impressive, does it?”

Aelin cocked her head, then put her book on the desk beside her, leaning her hand and her hip on it as well. “You’ve already impressed me enough, but it’s cute that you wanna do it again.” The wiggle of her eyebrows contrasted with the casual tone of her voice. “I’m thinking about some flick and lick, if you’re up for it.”

Going straight to the point, are we?

Flick and lick. Was there any other way to interpret this?

The one time he asks a girl out on a date, she wants to skip to sex. How odd. Rowan sure wasn’t complaining, though. The tongue work she described was an accurate depiction of their activities that fateful night, and he was looking forward to more of it.

His hand flexed, the shape of her tit in his palm still burned in his muscle memory.

Rowan jerked his head towards the exit. “Let’s go, then.”

When she readied herself to leave, he slipped a hand on her lower back—for support, of course, since she carried such heavy books. It was only a perk that if she was still single, everyone would see the claim he staked; and if she was seeing someone, it would be a matter of time until she wasn’t anymore.

Aelin never shied away from his touch, and even stood a little taller as he walked her hall after hall to his car. It was mind-blowing, how everything about her turned him on—from the way she held her chin to the sound of her heels against the wooden floor. It was troublesome, his inability to keep it to himself around her and be a gentleman until their date’s end.

Rowan tossed the playbook out the window and accosted her by the car. A soft gasp was all he got from her when he put her book on the car roof and caged her in with both forearms on her side.

“Well, hi.” Aelin sounded deliciously out of breath.

“Hi.” Rowan pressed their foreheads together. “I missed you.”

“Yeah?” She grinned. “Ellie said so.”

“That traitor.”

They chuckled, breaths mingling.

“I’m closer to her than you,” she defended Elide.

“I know. I meant Lorcan.”

The joyful sound that came out of Aelin was heavenly to hear, and it was a dangerous realization, that making her laugh could feel almost as good as making her moan.

“Is this okay?” he asked while he slowly took hold of her waist. As he did it, Rowan got a weird sensation in his stomach—fizzy like his insides here made of soda foam—and he hoped it wasn’t food poisoning. Not today, of all days.

“Very okay,” she whispered and wrapped both arms around his neck.

Wasting no time, he kissed her. The campus faded out and his entire conscience narrowed down to her lips and tongue and curves under his touch. There were no cars passing by on this parking lot, her soft sighs muffled them all out.

This kiss was their best one yet. When Rowan first kissed her, he was too stupefied to throughly enjoy it. It’s much easier to appreciate something when you know beforehand how exquisite it is.

When they parted, Aelin kept hold of his neck. He took the moment in, eyes closed, and pecked her lips a few times. She nipped his lower lip, toying with him.

This girl.

With his thumb gently sliding over her cheek, he said, “Shall we?”

She nodded, and Rowan didn’t miss the surprised look on her face when he gave her book back. He’d forgotten about it too until he saw it there, still waiting to be rescued from his car top.

They took off, and he wouldn’t berate himself for being too forward when his goal was courting her, because that was one hell of a great kiss. Besides, she was the one to start with a sex proposal. What was an early kiss compared to that?

As Aelin guided him through the city, heading downtown. Weird.

He asked, “Don’t you live close to campus?”

“I do.”

Well, she’s from Orynth. When you live in a city as big as that, everything looks close in a university town like Perranth.

They were going to her place, right? Rowan doesn’t remember her saying it, but she proposed sex, so if they weren’t heading to his apartment, the destination was hers.

“We’re close,” she said, “you’ll just have to turn right… no, sorry! Not here. The next right. Yep.”

He thanked Mala the traffic was light today, or her shitty directions would’ve caused a car crash. Though it was a bit endearing, he had to admit.

The street in which they parked was highly commercial, but surely her building was hidden somewhere. He got the door for her, remembering his manners before the doors were closed and he could forget all about them.

Shit, mouth-watering was not enough to describe her right now, looking expectantly at him in this busy street. Aelin herself, their plans for today, his memories—it all build up to a newfound and cruel anticipation, his skin tingling with the need to touch her.

“Right there.” She pointed at a shop with a few tables on the sidewalk. “The flick and lick.”

When he read the big sign before this ice cream shop, it was hard to believe his eyes.

Stop in for a

FLICK N LICK

An ice cream shop.

Aelin invited him for ice cream, not sex.

Heat rushed to his cheeks, and Rowan stared at her with his mouth open, unsure of what to say.

Her smirk bordered on devilish.

“Oh, I know what you thought,” she whispered and kissed his jaw. “We’ll do my idea of a flick and lick first, and yours later.”

An outstanding argument—Rowan dare say it was the best he heard from her today.

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Over three centuries, and Rowan Whitethorn's near-legendary willpower had never drawn so close to its breaking point as it had in the opulent dining room of Arobynn Hamel's mansion as he watched the red-haired human male who reeked of old blood and arrogance trace his steel-gray gaze down Aelin's body. Hell, he'd nearly toppled the damn table when she'd made that remark about her undergarments---or rather, her lack thereof. The only thing keeping Rowan from recreating the table leg legend was the discomfort he sensed simmering under Aelin's lazy smile. For Aelin, for the queen he was now blood-sworn to protect, he would leash his temper.

He knew his rage had been thick enough to touch when they left, when he couldn't tear his gaze away from the black ring on Aelin's finger. He knew his relief had been equally palpable, and he'd cursed the king of Adarlan for keeping him from shifting into his hawk form so he could fly out of that carriage and expend his anger in flight. None of the others, least of all his queen, deserved to see him stewing in his own immortal turmoil.

Aelin had been uncharacteristically silent the whole drive back to her apartment, and when the carriage stopped, she was the first one out, not stopping to let Aedion prop open the door. The weight of her discomfort still lingered; Rowan sensed its heaviness dragging behind her like an iron chain. But when he quietly entered her bedroom, it was empty. The window was propped open, and a breeze curled across the room, bearing the metallic tang of an impending rainstorm.

"I'd wager she's on the rooftop." Rowan whirled around, finding the shifter standing in the doorway. Lysandra. "She often sits up there if she needs to think."

Rowan nodded. "Where are the stairs?"

Lysandra chuckled. "Aelin lived here just after she got out of the Assassins' Guild. She'd never choose a building with such an obvious escape."

"I should have guessed." Rowan turned back to the window and pushed the glass all the way open. About an arm's reach away, a set of metal ladder rungs were bolted to the brick exterior.

"Rowan." Lysandra's voice held an undercurrent of worry. "Aelin is..." She folded her arms across her chest. "Arobynn broke her mind, too." A whistle sounded from street level, and Lysandra stepped back. "I need to go. Let her think." She hurried back down to the waiting carriage.

Let her think. The shifter's words echoed in Rowan's head. He would---but he needed to see Aelin, too. He needed to see that she was safe.

He pushed himself up, perching on the window ledge, and he reached out and grasped the closest rung of the ladder built into the outer wall of the building. He swung himself out and across and found a foothold a few rungs below, and he scaled the steps up to a metal grate walkway that ran along the side of the warehouse's roof. The downpour from earlier had softened to a steady drizzle, and the grate was slick beneath his feet. The walkway stopped where the roof flattened out, and as Lysandra had said, that was where he found Aelin. She stood alone on the wide, rough tiles of the rooftop, silhouetted against the night sky. The streetlamps from below cast a faint glow onto the serpentine golden curves of the dragon roaring up her spine, and for a moment, he just stared, fixated on the queen with fire in her veins and sorrow on her shoulders.

"I can hear you brooding," Aelin said, breaking the silence.

Rowan huffed and crossed the rooftop, closing the distance between them. "You'll ruin that dress standing out here in the rain."

She turned to face him, a skeptical look on her face. "You males are all the same, you know. Aedion had that look on his face, the one that means he's going to scream at me, when we were in the carriage."

"Aedion is protective of you."

"Territorial Fae brutes," she grumbled. Her gaze shifted back out over the city, back towards the manor house, and Rowan slid his arms around her, lending her his warmth. She was like ice, her dress soaked through and clinging to her figure, the cosmetics all but washed off her face.

She was breathtaking.

She was silent for a long while, leaning ever so slightly into him, her frigid hands gradually warming in his larger, rougher ones. He could almost feel the heaviness of her thoughts, the guilt of her past and the worry for the plans she'd laid in place for the future. She was barely two decades old---a blink of an eye to an immortal Fae---but the weight she bore was impossibly heavy.

Perhaps in some kind of effort to ease her burden, Rowan turned to look at her. "Tell me what you're thinking." It might have been a plea.

A smirk flickered across her lips. "I'm thinking that the next time I want to unsettle you, all I need to do is tell you how rarely I wear undergarments."

Damn his mind to the deepest hells for the images it conjured. "Is there a reason you do that, princess?"

"Is there any reason not to?" Her ability to make snarky comments in the heaviest of moments must have kept her alive years ago.

He couldn't help but admire how she'd never lost that spark. His hand flattened against her waist, his fingers brushing against the golden thread of the dragon and swiftly retreating lest he do something stupid like flick open the hooks that held the dragon in place. "I pity the foreign ambassadors who will have to deal with you."

She grinned up at him, bright like wildfire. "No, you don't."

He really didn't. In fact, he rather wished he could be in the receiving room when Aelin's quick wit and sharp tongue left snooty foreign ambassadors in spluttering shambles. She'll be a wonderful queen.

He wanted to be there when she realized it.

As if his thoughts had blared out a signal, Aelin's hand cupped his face, and he froze, his gaze crashing into hers. Hope---a fragile thread of hope peeked through her worry, mirroring the faint hint of hope that he hid beneath his gruffness. Her thumb brushed across his cheekbone, and the want that he'd stifled since she first shared his room at Mistward broke through the frayed scraps of his control and came roaring into his gaze.

Aelin sucked in a shuddering breath as the force of his wanting hit her, and he saw it reflected in her face. The desire. The need. Her other hand drifted up to touch his face, the pads of her rain-soaked fingers achingly gentle against the tattoos that trailed down his skin, and his eyes fell closed. It had been so long since someone had taken that kind of care, had touched him that gently, had been allowed to see past the barriers he kept up at all times.

"Rowan," she breathed, a plea and a prayer.

Fireheart, his heart pled in response. He opened his eyes, found her still staring at him, waiting for his reaction before she went any further. It had been so long since he'd been given that space.

For that---for seeing him---she deserved infinitely better, infinitely more, than a centuries-hardened warrior could ever give her.

Her touch slipped down the side of his face, and his control threatened to shatter. Before the roaring in his veins could take over, he caught her wrists, pulled himself away from her touch, holding her a pace away, protecting her from the primal hunger raging in his immortal veins. "Don't," he choked out. "Don't...touch me like that." Because you are too good, because you deserve far more than what I can give you.

Those beautiful turquoise eyes shuttered and went hollow.

"I'm sorry," she rasped. She slipped her hands from his shell-shocked grasp and backed away. "I didn't mean---" Another step. "It was nothing."

It was everything. His hands fell to his sides, and his fingers flexed, trying to bypass his restraint and reach for her, like his body rebelled against the thought of letting Aelin walk away with that hollowness on her face.

But before he could muster up the words, before he could try to tell her that she deserved infinitely more than a stolen, rain-drenched moment of abandon, she picked up her sodden skirts and fled down the walkway, the dragon on her spine vanishing into the dark.

~~~

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The Whitethorn prince was all but prostrate on the cold marble floor in front of his Queen. When they entered Doranelle, Aelin had cut the ropes off his wrists and then tied a length of spare rope from her wrist to his, allowing him to put up the illusion that he had captured her and brought her to Maeve. In reality, she had bested him back in that alley in Varese, and the brooding young male knew it. She could hardly fault him for stewing in silence on the ride to Doranelle---after all, she had once been a Fae fresh into adulthood whose carefully laid plans for her first solo mission had gone completely off the rails.

Movement from Maeve's throne snapped Aelin's attention back to the front of the hall. Although the figures were somewhat hazy due to both the immense length of the hall and the limits of her human eyes, she made out the shapes of at least four more males standing around the Fae Queen's throne like good little dogs. That must be the little cadre Rowan had grumbled about during their ride.

Approach. Maeve's voice, silky-smooth and serpentine, slipped into Aelin's mind.

Aelin pulled her spine straight, tossed back the hood of her cloak, and strode forwards, her boots echoing off the tiles, the sound louder than it should have been due to the utter lack of people in the grand hall. That was the unsettling part---every other throne room she'd been in had been stuffed full of courtiers, servants, nobility, and any other person who could manage to sneak in through a side door.

This hall was eerily silent.

"I have waited near twenty years to finally meet you, my dear niece," Maeve said when Aelin stopped a few paces away from the raised dais upon which the throne sat. "Evalin was clever enough to keep your family away from Doranelle all that time."

Aelin smirked. "Twenty years should seem little more than a few minutes to an immortal like you." It was a thinly veiled insinuation at Maeve's legendary lifespan. Even the most powerful full-blooded Fae rarely lived longer than a thousand years; Maeve was nearly twice that.

Ire flickered briefly across the Fae Queen's moonstone face. "I have been very patient, Aelin. I have waited ages for the line of Brannon Fireheart to re-emerge. I see now that my waiting was not in vain."

Aelin let her gaze sweep lazily over the other males gathered around the ebony throne. Two were mirror images---one golden-haired and grinning, the other dark-haired and solemn, both no more than a century old, if that. Twins. The one behind Rowan was more mature, faint lines of age radiating out from his eyes, and the tattoos coiling around his throat gave him away. Gavriel, the Lion. Six hundred years old and one of the few Fae who had come to Brannon's aid in the Great War. And then there was the one towering behind the twins, thick arms folded across his chest, a permanent scowl etched into the otherwise handsome planes of his face.

Aelin grinned at the hulking, dark-haired male. "Salvaterre. It seems the centuries still haven't taught you how to smile."

"What...the fucking hell?" If Rowan's jaw dropped any lower, it would fall clean off his face.

"Pull yourself together, little prince," Aelin said. "Salvaterre and I met a few times---what was it, a hundred years ago? Two hundred?" She exhaled a tight breath and shifted into her Fae form, and the unsettling silence of Maeve's throne room bore down even harder on her pointed ears. "You remember Sollemere, don't you, Salvaterre?"

"Not much to fucking remember after you trashed the place," Lorcan Salvaterre grunted. The naked shock that had washed across his face when Aelin first spoke to him was gone, wrestled back behind his scowling mask.

Aelin chuckled. "'Trashed' is a rather strong word." She raised a brow. "I don't recall being the one who cracked open the earth to swallow the place."

"Orders." Lorcan flicked a sideways glance at his Queen, whose violet eyes had first widened with shock and then narrowed in wrath.

"I cannot seem to believe that a twenty-year-old mortal princess has any memory of a city that was razed over one hundred years ago," Maeve said softly, venom lurking beneath the satin of her tone.

Aelin shrugged off her cloak and rolled her shoulders, shooting a sharp-fanged grin at the ancient Fae Queen. "You have the honor of being the first ruler to know that I am not mortal, then." She sketched a graceful, mocking bow. "Terrasen has been my dwelling for the last few decades; it was time that I finally returned home."

"I see." Maeve tapped her fingers against the polished armrests of her throne. "It was my intent to send you to Mistward to train with Prince Rowan until you learned mastery of your gifts. However, it seems that such training is not necessary."

"Perhaps I might be of service in another capacity," Aelin offered, flicking a dispassionate look at Rowan.

"My thoughts exactly." Maeve smiled, and Aelin felt the Fae Queen's oily power reaching into her mind, prying at the layers of shields she kept anchored around her innermost self. A hint of irritation wrinkled Maeve's smooth face for an instant when she failed to bore through Aelin's shields. "Mistward sits near the shore. Recently, there have been reports of soldiers in Adarlan's colors sneaking into my lands in the caves by Mistward." Her fingers stilled. "What do you know of such a scheme, King's Champion?"

"Nothing." Aelin allowed Maeve to see that she was telling the truth. "The King of Adarlan only trusts his Champion with information regarding her targets."

"Very well." Maeve folded her hands in her lap. "You and Prince Rowan will go to Mistward to investigate Adarlan's presence. You will inform me of whatever you discover. Once you have discovered adequate useful information, you will remove that human king's weak attempt at an invasion." Her crimson lips curled upwards, a snake's smile. "If you prove yourself useful, I may consider offering you the blood oath."

Aelin chuckled without mirth. "There is no world in which I will be blood-sworn to a self-proclaimed higher ruler. If you want Terrasen, Maeve, you'll need to try harder."

"Take caution, little princess." Tendrils of shadow curled from Maeve's fingers, and at the jerk of her chin, the five warriors of her cadre surrounded Aelin. "One misstep, and your usefulness will expire."

"One thought from me, and your city will burn," Aelin returned, holding herself perfectly still.

"It is stone," Maeve snapped.

Aelin's smirk broke free in the same instant that she coiled slender, white-hot bands of living flame around each of the five Fae warriors. "Your people aren't."

The ancient queen stared down the burning queen, both aware of the wildfire that blazed behind a paper-thin screen of control.

"Very well." Maeve broke first. "I give you my vow that I shall not attempt, in any fashion, to force the blood oath upon you, Aelin Galathynius."

"Nor will you coerce me to accept it," Aelin added.

"Nor will I coerce you to accept it," Maeve repeated.

"Then we are agreed." Aelin closed her open hand into a fist, and the ropes of fire vanished. The crimson flames burning a circlet around her head remained, a blazing crown to rival the Fae Queen's dark one.

"Begone," Maeve commanded. "Prince Rowan will take you to Mistward."

"As Your Majesty wills it," Aelin purred, dropping into a curtsy. In her assassin's leathers, with the wildfire crown on her head, it was less a gesture of respect and more a show of defiance.

~

"You're godsdamned lucky to be walking out of this palace alive," Rowan muttered under his breath. He was two steps in front of Aelin, and she could practically feel the irritation rippling off his broad body.

"Your Queen is too wise to kill me," Aelin replied coolly.

Rowan huffed. "You could do well to imitate some of her wisdom."

"A bit infatuated with the one who holds the leash, are we?" They had arrived at the courtyard that opened to the stables, and Aelin swept past Rowan as he spluttered for words.

"I---I am---my Queen---I am not a dog on a leash!"

"And yet you ran off to Varese to play fetch." Aelin reached for the stable door, but the handle froze over, ice encasing her outstretched hand as the air around her went frigid.

"Recall which of us is the stranger in a foreign land," Rowan hissed, the anger in his gaze as hot as his power was cold. "You could simply disappear in the forest before we ever reach Mistward."

Aelin tipped her head back and howled with laughter.

Smothering what sounded like a screech, Rowan pushed the ice farther up her arm. "I don't take kindly to being mocked, Princess."

Blue flame melted Rowan's ice into hissing steam. "Nor do I take kindly to tantrums," Aelin said quietly, an assassin's deadly sincerity in her words. "Recall which of us knows over a thousand ways to kill, some of which have long since been forgotten by this world." She pulled open the stable door and turned to face Rowan head-on. "You may know Doranelle's roads now, but I knew this land before Wendlyn and Doranelle were names in the language."

"Then I suppose you can lead the way." Rowan brushed past her, stalking into the stables.

"Certainly not." Aelin strolled down the row of stalls, stopping in front of a beautiful bay stallion and settling her palm against the horse's snout. "You know the fortress and its lands, and Queen Maeve named you as my guide."

So now she cares about my Queen. Rowan's mouth didn't move, but Aelin heard his cranky thoughts all the same.

"There's no need to get your feathers ruffled," she crooned.

Rowan jerked around to face her so fast she thought his head might fly off his shoulders. "You heard that?!"

"Even the strongest shields wouldn't block out that sort of shrieking," Aelin said, deadpan. "Look here, little prince. I'll offer you a deal. I will let you lead the way to Mistward and I will match your pace, so long as you swear that you will not report every little detail of this mission back to your Queen."

"I am bloodsworn to follow my Queen's orders." Rowan scowled. "I cannot willfully act in defiance of her command."

"No, but you can interpret the language of her order," Aelin returned. "All I ask is that you let me keep some semblance of privacy." For a brief moment, her gaze went foggy, pulled back to a distant memory of her every move being watched. When she snapped herself back into the present, Rowan was looking at her with a gaze too deep for his youth---a gaze that saw too deep, that understood too much.

"Fine."

She cocked her head to the side. "You'll need to be more specific than that. I know how Fae promises work."

He huffed, but she caught the flash of a grin behind it. "I accept your bargain precisely as proposed. Your privacy will be honored."

"Thank you." Aelin turned back to the horse to finish securing the saddle and the simple cloth pack of supplies. As they led the horses out of the courtyard, she noticed that Rowan kept glancing over his shoulder at her, pressing his lips together like there were words straining at the tip of his tongue. Just past the outer gate, she stopped and raised her brows at him. "Something to say?"

"If you ever need to let go of it, you can trust me to listen." His words jumbled together in a breathless rush. "I will listen." Something like compassion echoed beneath his words.

An eternity ago, someone else had whispered those same words. And he'd been lying.

Aelin's face hardened to granite. "I don't need your pity." She swung herself up onto the horse and fixed her gaze forwards, willing her callous mask not to crack as betrayal bled across Rowan's face and he spun stiffly around in his saddle, away from her.

And silence yawned between them as they began the trek to Mistward.

~~~

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Aelin’s wave of nausea subsides when Rowan finds the spot he wants them to rest at.

“No hand-to-hand combat today,” he says when they reach a lake, before he sits on the grass with his back to a tree and gestures for her to do the same.

Not by his side against the same tree, like they sometimes do. He gestured to another one a couple of meters away from him.

Something tells her he’s avoiding her, but there’s no reason to. Maybe she stinks, but she didn’t get sweaty or dirty today. Unless he can smell blood, but even if that’s the case, three hundred years of living and being a soldier surely taught him to tolerate blood or its smell on a woman or female.

She shook off the thought. There was nothing to read into his hard swallows and refusal to look her in the eye. She’s unwell, and he’s just letting her be.

The reflection of trees and clouds gently swayed on the lake, and the gentle whisper of the wind against her forehead, sweaty from pain rather than exhaustion, was the most she could rely on nature to make her feel better.

Nature was the reason she was in this situation, for starters.

It was a trial, resisting the urge to curl up under the shade and stay there for the rest of the afternoon—especially when once again the cramping drove her body forward and made her wince.

“We can come back if you’d like,” Rowan offered.

She shook her head. He’d never extended such sympathy towards her before, she wouldn’t need it now. As this thought crossed her mind, a soothing current of the wind relaxed her body against the tree trunk, those cramps leaving her body in a wave, the way it came.

Oh, good. This was much better.

Despite the improvement of her coexistence with Rowan—cohabitation even, now that they shared a room—she hadn’t forgotten that, had this happened weeks prior, he’d be calling her a wimpy little brat. He had expectations as a mentor, and Aelin wanted to live up to them; not because of him, but because she grew to care about this training.

“Can’t you just make me better with your magic so we can train?”

“Only partially. I can’t fix what isn’t broken.”

Of course. Because Aelin isn’t ill—in fact, she’s so healthy her body is playing pranks on her once a month.

But she wouldn’t dare complain. After Endovier, she vowed to never again wish her cycles would cease.

“So, what are we doing now?” She asked despite not wanting to get up.

It took him a moment to think before he, without notice, took off his tunic.

Holy rutting Mala. Now it was her time to avert her gaze.

Rowan shirtless looked exactly like a book illustration of an ancient god, she was distrustful of its existence before she saw it in the flesh. Which explained her curiosity—an emotion that differed widely from attraction.

“Heat it slowly. Don’t burn it.” He offered his folded tunic to her. “You want to keep the temperature steady for a long time to ease the pain, but you’ll have to balance that with your exhaustion as a magic wielder.”

“So I don’t burn out?”

“You did not burn out that other time.”

Aelin sighed, now fully laying down so she could place the tunic over her lower stomach. Focusing her sight on the crooked lines where the sky met tree leaves was better than being caught counting Rowan’s abs.

“So, why are you so careful about my not burning this tunic?”

“Because it’s my tunic,” he replied in a flat tone, “and as you can see, I still use it.”

As he said it, a tiny yellow bird flew by and stopped atop a branch.

“Was it a gift?”

“From my cousin.”

Aelin pointed at the chirping bird above them. “That one?”

The look Rowan aimed at her was hard to read, but it made her giggle. It was hard to tell if he found her bird jokes annoying or amusing, as opposite as those two emotions were.

“Apparently,” he continued, “it looks bad on the family if I’m seen wearing a worn-out tunic.”

Aelin laughed at the mental image of Rowan being chastised by his family for overlooking his clothing. “Oh no, was it sheer from use or with frayed seams? Did they threaten to hang you for treason over it?”

“I told you, they like to meddle.” Now, he reserved for his family a tone similar to the one he used with her, though this one leaned closer to amusement. “Besides, I’m immortal. If a piece of clothing can’t last at least two decades of extensive use, it’s as good as disposable for me.”

Rowan took his shoes off and got up, stopping only when he dipped his toes in the water. His hands reached the top of his pants to undo them, an odd source of warmth and electricity flooded her body.

“What’re you doing?” she blurted.

He stopped short, before his pants here off. “Diving in.” He pointed at the lake behind him, then at the makeshift heater she made out of his tunic. “This is gonna take you a while, and I need to cool off.”

Aelin opened her mouth to speak, but closed it shut when she felt the wind shift. Way too abruptly, it went from hitting the back of her head to her side.

He’s directing her scent away from him.

Oh, shit. Rowan had never done this before, not that she was aware of—maybe on their first journey from Varese to Mistward and she didn’t realize it, but her hygiene was much better at the fortress.

Aelin discreetly leaned her jaw on her shoulder to smell herself, and what she smelled was just… herself. Nothing filthy or enticing about it. She didn’t stink. If it was something only Rowan could pick up on, was it really that bad?

“What?” he asked.

“What what?”

“You’re staring.”

Was it heat rushing up her cheeks? Feeling better from the cramps, Aelin put away his tunic and, still lying, leaned on her elbows.

“Maybe I’ll dip into the water too.”

“No, you won’t.”

Aelin raised her brows. Defiant, she sat to unlace her training boots. Wouldn’t a bath help with whatever smell she had? It was hard to follow his logic.

He pointed to his discarded tunic on the grass. “You’re supposed to be exercising how to regulate your fire. The training never stopped, I just adapted it to your condition.”

“My condition?”

“Exactly.”

“You mean my monthly cycle, or whatever made you avoid me all day?”

“Excuse me?” His accusatory tone didn’t make her back down.

“Rowan, I’ve killed highly skilled men while bleeding; and yet, you’ve canceled our sparring today. I doubt you give your female soldiers the same treatment, and I don’t want it for myself. I’m feeling better now—you can just tell me what it is about me that disgusts you so much you’re even shifting the wind, then we can move forward.”

“Disgust?”

“Precisely.” She lifted her chin, the nature of the conversation never waning her pride. “You have never acted like this before, so I’m curious to know what’s so repelling about me today.”

“You think I’m disgusted, Princess?”

Her words got caught in her throat when Rowan used all his Fae speed and, in a flash, nearly hovered her, his legs straddling hers in her half-lying position as their faces stood a breath away from each other. Aelin’s knees weakened, her elbows being the only thing keeping her upright.

“You got it right the first time: I was avoiding you.”

His pine-green eyes burned a path over her face, stopping at her parted lips. He licked his. The flare of his nostrils led him to the same point he bit not that long ago, and it unraveled him.

“My avoidance had nothing to do with disgust, though.”

The way he undid the top lace of her tunic—she barely felt it, but it was also all her senses could register. His thumb was lighter than a feather as he tugged one shoulder bare, as was his nose on the sensitive skin of her neck when he nuzzled it, stopping at her collarbone. Goosebumps erupted along her need to do the same to him, and her reactiveness tore a groan out of him.

“Today,” he rasped in a lewd tone, “your blood is mixed with arousal.” Rowan scraped his fangs over her collarbone. “I’m avoiding this smell for reasons that are opposite to repulsion, Princess.”

Her blood? Enticing? That sounded like some weird Fae kink. Oddly enough, she was into it.

Aelin wrapped her leg around his body. He squeezed her waist.

“Aelin,” Rowan warned, “your smell alone is driving me mad. That’s a dangerous combination for a male like me.”

Her tone was a tad too breathless as she said, “Tell me, do you always accost helplessly horny maidens during their cycles?”

His chuckle was dark. “You’ll never believe me if I tell you.”

Aelin grabbed him by the jaw, her movements rough as she brought his face from her neck and shoulders to her face. He was undoubtedly stronger, so it must mean something that he allowed her to manhandle him like this. Maybe it was part of the kink.

“Tell me,” she whispered with her mouth a breath away from his.

He got out of her grasp and kissed her.

His hunger left them no space for preambles, and the ravenous strokes of his tongue against hers took her breath away more than any training exercise could. Fingers under her tunic, the path he traced on her body was a torch to her lust.

Rowan knew what he was doing; he really gods-damned did.

“We shouldn’t”, he said when they parted, sounding as ragged as she felt.

“We really shouldn’t,” she echoed, half paying attention to his words, but mostly transfixed by the exploration of her hands on his abdomen, even with his tunic still on—time to take it off, and he seemed to agree.

He captured her lips again, bruising because it was not enough. Not close enough. Not undressed enough. Most of all, his vicious tongue was not enough of him inside of her.

After all this time in Mistward with Rowan, Aelin had never imagined it’d feel like this. Commanding, intense and rough—she’d never realized those same traits she’d known and hated about him would be so enjoyable in a different context.

“Aelin.”

She moaned, shoving her hips against his.

“Aelin.” A curse. A prayer.

With a tilt of her hips, the bulge of his pants ground on a spot of hers that sent shockwaves all the way to her most sensitive nerves. “Please.”

The loss of his body heat was quick, given his urgency to tear off her pants and undergarments at once. Neither of them seemed to mind the sound of ripping fabric.

Rowan pried her legs wide open and licked her blood and juices, ending with a flick of his tongue against her clit.

Aelin burst into flames.

Wildfire engulfed them, but he barely noticed it. In fact, it urged him on. Eating someone out like this was supposed to be a selfless act, but Rowan lapped on her as if he was the one taking advantage. The ferocity in which he kissed her sex and hugged her hips with a bruising grip drove her fire inside and out, the flames growing higher as she shouted her pleasure.

He substituted his mouth with his fingers to grunt, “On my face, now.”

She blinked, trying to listen through that haze. “What?”

“I’m telling you to sit on my face.”

Aelin complied, refusing to show her inexperience with that position. However, it didn’t take her much, because as soon as both knees were on the side of his face, he directed her hips himself, commanding her to give him her weight.

If Rowan felt half as good as she did in this position, it was easy to tell why he was so adamant about it.

“Oh, gods—Rowan!”

Without warning, his calloused palm branded the soft flesh of her ass.

Holy rutting Mala, did he just spank her?

Most importantly—was she into it? Because this one might be the best beating she’d taken from Rowan yet.

“You like it when I say your name?”

A squeeze of her bottom was all answer she needed.

“You eat me out so good, Rowan.” She moaned again. And to think that she once thought he hated it when she was loud.

She rode his face without worrying about her weight or his breathing, and the way he seized her body instructed her to continue.

The tension in Aelin’s body grew, and it was soon when she reached its peak. She went still, pleasure blurring her vision as she cried out. Her fire grew taller as she reached the climax and dimmed when she went limp, seeking support on the grass before her as she doubled over herself.

She hopped off Rowan’s face to sit by his side, and the sight took her off.

Despite his nakedness from the waist up, Aelin’s attention narrowed on how his chin glistened, soaked from her blood and wetness. He licked his lips to clean them, but it wasn’t enough to fix the mess she made.

She snorted. “A handkerchief would come in handy now.”

Rowan swiped two fingers across his chin and licked them clean.

Training is not the only context in which Rowan makes it impossible for her to regain her breath.

They should talk, shouldn’t they? She didn’t expect vows of loyalty or declarations of his undying love under the stars, but they should at least make sure this wouldn’t affect their routine.

Besides, she was about to come back to the fortress smelling like Prince Rowan and sex. Oh, gods.

Things weren’t awkward yet because a sexy fog still clouded them, but Aelin feared her next words might change it.

“That just happened, huh?”

Still looking wrecked, Rowan kneeled before her and leaned in closer. With one hand on the fastenings of his trousers, he used the other to spread her knee wide and said, “It’s about to happen a lot more.”

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Music played through Rowan’s phone, he was humming along as he stirred the scrambled eggs cooking on the stove. Aelin was content to watch, she had a pretty good view from here. Broad, tan shoulders, defined back muscles shifting as he moved, those godsdamned grey sweat pants framing a toned ass. Yes, she was very happy right where she was. 

When Rowan turned Aelin was immediately busted with her head tilted and gaze fixed on him. Rowan only shook his head, moving the pan off the heat before bracing his hand either side of her hips. Not admitting to anything even though Rowan gave her a very expectant look, Aelin just booped him on the nose playfully, making him chuckle. 

“Enjoying the view, I see,” Rowan said. 

Aelin shrugged, “The opportunity was there so I thought ‘might as well’.”

“Ever the opportunist.”

“Don’t ever wear a shirt again, I’m begging you,” Aelin added, her hands sweeping over his shoulders for emphasis. 

“I’m so sorry, Aelin,” Rowan said, his voice solemn, “but outside the apartment I will have to wear a shirt.”

“Because you’ll start a riot,” Aelin quipped back. 

Rowan’s head tipped back with a laugh. “If you say so.”

“Oh, I know so,” Aelin insisted. 

Their little banter session was interrupted but the music being cut out and the phone buzzing on the bench next to Aelin’s thigh. They both looked down simultaneously, the screen lit with the name Sellene Whitethorn. 

“What does my cousin want now?” Rowan murmured to himself, picking up the phone and tipping the green phone. “Hey, Sellene.”

“Hey, Rowan.” Aelin was close enough that she could hear the conversation clearly. “How are you?”

“Fine, good even. You?” Rowan replied. 

“Good, good.”

Rowan gave Aelin a perplexed look, and she was feeling much the same. Even not hearing her voice directly, there was definitely something off about Sellene’s tone. 

“Sellene, what is it?” Rowan asked, ever one for directness. 

There was a heavy sigh on the other end of the phone. “Have you talked to Lyria lately?”

“Lyria? No,” Rowan replied, his confusion deepening. 

Lyria was Rowan’s ex-girlfriend. They had broken up about four months ago under fairly mutual circumstances according to Rowan. It had been hell to see Rowan with someone else while Aelin pined after him with all her heart. She tried not to be gleeful when they broke up, but Aelin was only human. She managed to hide it well outside of one episode of excessive happy dancing around her apartment. Then they proceeded to stuff around for the next few months anyway, not knowing how to take the next steps. It was wasted time in retrospect and now Aelin was determined to make up for every moment they had lost.

“I think you should give her a call,” Sellene said. 

“Why?” Rowan asked simply. 

“She came into work yesterday,” Sellene explained cryptically. “And I think you should call her. Or better, go see her.”

That had Rowan straightening, his features darkening. “You sure it was her?”

“Absolutely, attended to her myself,” Sellen answered back. “Please call her, at least.”

“Yeah, okay, I will,” Rowan said, rubbing his hand over his face. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Sure thing. See you, Rowan,” Sellene said. 

“Bye, give my love to everyone.”

There was a heavy silence as Rowan put the phone back down on the counter, he even went as far as pausing the music as it started up again. He didn’t offer any explanation, just worried at his bottom lip. 

“What is it?” Aelin asked when she couldn’t handle the silence any longer. 

Rowan sighed heavily. “You heard that, right?” Aelin nodded. “Sellene works at the hospital, and…”

When Rowan trailed off Aelin picked the sentence right back up. “And you’re worried something has happened to Lyria?”

Rowan hesitated a second before answering. “Yeah.”

“Hey,” Aelin reached out and turned Rowan's face so that he was looking at her. “It's perfectly natural for you to still care about her. You were together for ages, I’m not bothered.”

Hearing that, Rowan nodded. “I, ah… I'm gonna go call her. The eggs are ready, eat as much as you want.”

Taking his phone with him, Rowan headed to the bedroom to make his call. Aelin hopped off the counter and pulled a fork from the drawer, spearing some scrambled egg straight from the pan. No need to needlessly dirty a plate. She was starting to dip into Rowan’s half by the time he came out. To her surprise he was dressed, tapping his phone mindlessly against his palm. What was most alarming was the way his handsome features were clouded with worry. 

“Is everything okay?” Aelin asked tentatively.

Rowan cleared his throat. “I got hold of Lyria. Turns out, she’s not okay and…”

“And?” Aelin pressed, fearing the worst. 

“I need to go see her, I’m so sorry Aelin,” Rowan rushed out, his face looking pained.

“What is it? Is she okay?” 

Rowan shook his head. “I’m not entirely sure but I’ll figure it out when I get there.”

“When do you leave?” Aelin asked, her gut sinking. 

“I’m going to go home and pack and then see what flight to Doranelle I can get,” Rowan said. “I’m sorry.”

Aelin approached her boyfriend, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Stop apologising. I understand, just let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

Rowan returned her hug, his chin resting on her head. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Aelin said, squeezing him tighter. 

It only took Rowan a few minutes to gather what he needed to leave, then he was kissing Aelin goodbye at the door. The kiss was passionate, enough to set Aelin’s heart racing in her chest. It felt more significant than a see you in a few days kind of kiss. Rowan’s touches seem to linger even though he was clearly distracted. 

“I’ll see you soon, let me know how you go travelling,” Aelin said. 

“I will,” Rowan promised with another kiss and then he was gone. Honeymoon bubble officially popped. 

A few days turned into a week and replies from Rowan became sporadic. By the time she received Rowan’s text that he was boarding a plane back to Terrasen, Aelin was nearly frantic. Rowan hadn’t given her any indication that something was amiss, but she could feel it. There was something going on here, she just couldn’t figure out what. After a flight delay on both ends, Rowan’s plane wasn’t getting in until late. Aelin was determined to stay awake because she insisted that he come straight to her. Try as she might, in the end she couldn’t keep her eyes open. She fell asleep on the couch watching a sitcom and by the time she was waking up to the sound of her door opening she was at least three episodes past where she could remember. 

“Hey,” Rowan said quietly.

“Hey,” Aelin croaked back as she sat up. “Come to bed?”

Rowan shook his head. “I can’t stay.”

Those three words had Aelin wide awake instantly. “What?”

He stepped into the living area, but he didn’t sit down, he just stood there.

“Rowan, what’s going on?” Aelin tried to swallow again the panic that was building but it just clogged in her throat. 

“I need you to let me get all this out,” Rowan said and when he saw the look Aelin gave him he added, “please.”

“Okay,” Aelin said, she would try her best not to interrupt. For him. 

“Lyria was in the hospital, like Sellene said. By the time I got there she had been discharged and I went to see her at home. On the phone she had said she wanted to talk to me about something, I wasn't sure what. Well, I had my suspicions but they didn’t seem likely. But it turned out I was right.” He laughed humourlessly. “Sellene works in obstetrics.”

Aelin’s hand went to her mouth, a physical barrier against the words that threatened to escape. 

“Lyria was in hospital because she was having some complications with her pregnancy, something to do with her blood pressure and her heart. She’s four months along, the baby is mine.”

“Rowan,” Aelin whispered. “What—”

Rowan raised a trembling hand, a silent request to wait. “She’s sure, and I believe her. Due to her complications, she needs help. More than that, I know what it’s like to grow up without a father and I won’t let my child go through that.” 

“What are you saying?” Aelin said, her gut sinking. Rowan had lost his parents when he was very young, he grew up in the houses of his cousins, but never quite fitting in. In his teenage years he'd been lost and without guidance had fallen into his fair share of trouble. Aelin knew how deeply the loss of his parents had affected him and how he wanted a different life for his children whenever he had them. Which seemed to be sooner than later. 

Now Rowan sat, reaching out to take one of Aelin’s hands. It shook in his grasp, more so when his thumb swept over it in what was meant as a comforting gesture. 

“I’m going back to Doranelle to be with Lyria, we’re going to give it another chance.”

Aelin’s heart shattered. 

“No,” she all but pleaded. “No, you can’t.”

Rowan couldn’t meet her eye. “I’m so sorry, Aelin.”

“But we just got our chance,” Aelin, her voice raw with devastation. “We just started.”

Rowan’s next words were quiet, yet they rang in Aelin’s ears. “That’s why it will be so easy to let go.”

Aelin yanked her hand away like his touch burned her. Not with heat, but an icy coldness. How could he do this to them? After waiting for him, the pining and the yearning, and the overwhelming relief once she could finally call him hers—it was all for nothing. 

“No, we can work this out,” Aelin insisted. “There has to be another way.”

“How? Are you going to move to Doranelle with me? Are we going to do long distance for the next 18 years? Once the baby is born I won’t be able to see you for weeks, maybe months,” Rowan said, not angry, just pragmatic. “I still love you, Aelin. But I can’t be here with you.”

A sob broke out of her, tears gathering in her eyes. “I can’t—”

Rowan moved closer, probably to comfort her, but Aelin couldn’t handle that right now. “Aelin, please—”

“No, I need you to go,” she said, pushing off the couch and backing away. 

“Aelin,” her name was a pained sound. 

“Go, Rowan. Let me deal with my breaking heart by myself. I’ll have to do that anyway, so might as well start now.” Anger was beginning to mix with her grief. She wanted him gone. 

There were tears shining on Rowan’s own cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Aelin. Please believe me. I wanted so much more for us, it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Aelin couldn’t bear to watch him leave so she fled to her bedroom, the door slamming in time with the front door as Rowan walked out of her life. She managed to make it to the bed before she broke apart completely. Her body shook from the force of her sobs, her lungs aching with every sound. A week ago she had everything she could have wanted, happily sitting in her kitchen waiting for her boyfriend to cook her breakfast. In a matter of moments that had all been torn away from her in the most devastating way. Rowan was gone, he wouldn’t be coming back, all because of his loyalty and decency—all things Aelin had loved him for. Still she couldn’t pretend that she understood, she and Rowan had finally taken their chance and lost. That little baby would have the best father in the world and all Aelin would have were the shattered remnants of her broken heart. As she lay there, crying herself into exhaustion and just waiting for sleep to claim her so that she would not exist in the world for a little, Aelin wondered if she would ever be able to piece it back together. 

~~~~~

Aelin was going to miss these quiet moments. The slow Sundays that she and Rowan had been spending together for the last four weeks while it was school holidays and their five children were staying at her parents place.

It was originally meant to be two weeks but barely one week in Aelin had called her mother sobbing, asking for her and her father to look after the kids for a little longer.

The reason?

All she and Rowan had talked about those first few days were the kids and the boring chores that had to be done.

Aelin hadn't realised that her marriage had become so...stale for lack of a better word. That while she had been excited that her children were keen to spend time with their grandparents, she and Rowan would be sitting in silence at the dinner table.

It was as if they had become an old couple overnight, even though they were only in their early thirties. Passing through the house, bored out of their minds.

Hence the call, which afterwards Aelin had a heart to heart conversation with her husband, her best friend.

Telling him that she missed the passion, the fun, and adventures that they used to have.

Yes, they were parents but that didn't mean that life had to be dull all the time. That they didn't have to always be in parent mode.

So ever since that night, with Rowan claiming that he didn't want their marriage to be boring either, they had done something different every day.

Pottery, ceramic making, ballets, festivals, rock climbing, dinners and movies, paintballing, board games (both ordinary and sexual), antique shopping--anything that piqued their interest they did it.

It had rekindled the spark that they had become unaware dimmed. Romance grew again and their sex life had been revitalised (Aelin had forgotten how fun sex could be--with the door open, in the daytime, being loud and having fun).

Even grocery shopping had become a nice trip out and not just a boring task. Which they had just come back from (after spending a whopping $402.77) and when they wound down for the night, Rowan took her outside for a picnic dinner, her favourite foods making her stomach growl.

What she had not been expecting was Rowan getting down on one knee.

Her heart in her throat, she watched as her husband of over a decade opened up the red velvet box.

The stars overhead made the emerald ring sparkle, the gold band glistening.

Her dream ring.

"When I first proposed, I had so badly wanted to get you the ring you dreamed of. But being a poor college student I could barely afford my rent and I scraped up all I could to get you your engagement ring. And I know you love that ring, but it was always one of my goals to see you wearing an emerald. These last few weeks have been the best time of my life with you, and I'm sorry that things had become so bad, but I promise you that will never happen again. That I will never take our love for granted, that the very fact I meet my soulmate for granted. I love you and I want to show you that I love you for every day of our lives. That even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you. Will you marry me again, Aelin Ashryver Whitethorn Galathynius?"

Tears clouded Aelin's eyes and all she could do was nod and muster a very hoarse 'yes' as Rowan slipped off her old ring and placed the new one in its place. Her diamond ring he put on her right hand.

Aelin could barely focus on the new ring, her eyes wide as she smiled and kissed her husband with everything she had.