Breathing but not living.

I wonder if you still think of me, because I still think of you...

I wonder what you’re doing right now? Probably at work or at home. Did you ever become an architect like you wanted? Maybe you did...

There’s so many things that have happened in my life since you left, so many things that I needed to talk to you about.

My stepdad had an operation I was so scared, I acted like I wasn’t because that’s what I do, but I was. I couldn’t imagine what my mom would be like without him. What we all would be like.

I got back with kyle and we’re engaged! You would’ve loved how it happened! My first holiday; Majorca.

By a lake in front of mountains it was beautiful.

I wanted to tel you straight away, I thought of you first, but I couldn’t..

I want to tell you that I’m trying to become a mom like I have always wanted. I want to tell you that I’m struggling to keep it together because I’m missing periods and there might be something stopping me from being a mom.

I need to tell you that but I can’t.

Because you’re not here.

You didn’t want to be here

I want to tell that you were wrong. That not all friendship stay close but they can still be friends that we wasn’t talking everyday like we used to but that’s okay, that’s life. We grow up and distance but you don’t have to stop being friends. You didn’t have to cut me out.

I can feel myself falling into the dark hole again.

I’m so scared of myself getting bad again but there’s nothing I can do to stop it.