This isn't a request, I just want to get something off my chest, im sorry that it's not really related to anything here but it's just something I don't have anyone to talk about it with because I feel embarrassed and a honestly a little ashamed about it. Im a 19 year old male who graduated high school not that long ago and frankly im still a virgin. I never even had a first kiss yet and this does effect me to quite a degree. Even during high school I know and was friends with several guys who have lost their virginity but no one ever wanted to do the same with me. I sub consciously started to question why no girl wanted me in the same way and by doing so I started hating everything about myself. Seeing myself as ugly, fat, stupid, pathetic, weak, and other such things like that. What made this even worse was that I did get a girlfriend while in high school and we where together for about 2 years. We never did more then hold hands because she "wanted to wait until we where older". I respected her decision but i would find our that for a long time she was doing sexual stuff with my at the time best friend. I felt completely betrayed and heartbroken by her doing this to me. I even started hating myself more for being stupid enough to think that any girl would want me to begin with. All of this messed with me so badly that it reached a point where I tried to take my own life. Which as you could tell failed. I don't really know what I expect by telling you this. I guess advice but I won't be butt hurt if you can't think of anything to say. I would like to say though that you do brighten my day every day. Not only because you look beautiful but because of how much respect you have for other people and your future husband. It makes me think and hope that more women who are as nice and as caring as you are out there. I really respect you for everything you do for us and I just want to say thank you. Sorry for the long story.
Trying to think what to say.
Firstly this is not advice, this is simply my own life experience.
I was bullied for having read hair, and I was bullied for being conservativeâĻ..yes I said it, Iâm pretty much conservative.
I was also bullied cause I was pretty and may sound weird but I was. So my mom took me out and I was homeschooled.
I didnât go to prom, I didnât do all the regular stuff.
I was and am still very shy and introverted I guess and I overthink a lot of the times.
You ever notice how civilized we are now to the point where we spit on the values of our parents and grandparents and call them bigoted and stupid? A lack of humility leads to a downfall.
Why I say this is cause in my world view the vast majority of people my age in the west at least, are on a downward trajectory. It means the norm isnât good for us and it isolates and destroys anything that is good and pure.
I struggled with thoughts about my own life but I always found meaning in doing good for others. The world would say âself loveâ or âyour perfect just as you areâ
Man was designed to improve constantly, and we were designed to be social and do good for others. When self becomes the focus we become our own gods, and we are unkind gods to ourselves and who wants to serve that? But millions of people go around serving themselves and thatâs where you have the influencer culture and stuff.
Do I sound old or do I just sound right? Is it so wrong to want a traditional life living for and loving someone else and having kids who then become your everything?
The white picket fence, church on a Sunday. When did we abandon the things that make us human, that make us cherish the small and the large.
Vets walk around lonely and hungry and we stare at our phones and worry about clicks and likes.
We say itâs weird that youâre a virgin, why are you waiting till marriage?
All this to say, maybe we look back at the core values that men and women died for and try to understand what was so great that they were convinced it was worth dying for. Find it, hold on to it and let it define our pursuit.
Oh and at least for me, life without pursuit and life without purpose found in serving others is meaningless.
So thatâs my take and my own 18 years worth of life experience. I canât give you advice, but at least I can give you my own journey so far
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