Seventeen Dreams

Yes! I’m graduating college with an associates degree in cosmetology!!

I can’t speak for the other girls but I’ve been crazy busy. I’m about to graduate though!! Just a quick question though since I will be coming into more time, would you all like to see me writing and posting again!!

//okay so I’m an emo little shit and I’ve fallen back in love with 5 Seconds of Summer and the Youngblood album and like damn all the songs hit me in the feels so hard and ghost of you makes me feel some type of way and got me so inspired and I can’t sleep so I’m listening to it on repeat and I’m gonna crank out a piece for you guys okay?

//warnings: emo, flashbacks??, angst, nothing major

//sneak peek: “What the hell are you doing here?” I scolded, rubbing the towel through her hair.

“I… I ran away. I want to be with you.” she looked up at me, tears pricking her eyes.

//bias x female reader

//written in the members pov

//word count: 676, kinda short I’m sorry

I don’t know how long I laid in bed the night before, craving the warmth of her next to me. In the morning I woke with my head groggy, instantly reaching to her side of the bed, the weight of her being gone hits just as hard as the time she left. My body still has not registered that she won’t be there anymore; I still can’t sleep on her side of the bed.

“The right side of the bed is my side” she smiled at me as she set up the photo of us on the bedside table.

I slide my hand over the dip where she would settle in for the night. Shaking my head to clear it of sleep and thoughts of her, I sit up and head to the kitchen, hoping a cup of coffee will clear the weight in my chest. All I can hear is the sound of my footsteps against the hardwood as I walk, sounding much louder in my ears than I know they are.

The light in the kitchen from the sun pouring through the blinds is far to warm and bright. I start a pot of coffee and see her coffee cup on the counter, her lipstick print as perfect as when she first made it. A sigh slips past my lips, knowing I’ll have to wash the cup, fade the stain, removing one more piece of her from this home. Sometimes I still feel as though she’s here.

I watched as she took a long sip of her coffee, a smile spreading on my lips.

“What?” She smiled back, tilting her head slightly as she waited for my response.

“You’re just amazing.” I explained, wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her in the middle of the living room, swaying to the soft static of the radio.

As I returned her mug to the cabinet, I turned to scan the apartment. It had become a train wreck since she left. I didn’t want to touch any of her things… In case she came back. I wanted her to be here. And I wanted her to want to be back in my arms. Turning up the radio, I pace around the room, beginning to clean up. I pick up an old shirt of hers, a recognizable logo on the front. Led Zeppelin, I can’t remember if she liked the shirt for the aesthetic or if she truly enjoyed the band. The last time she wore this shirt…

A knock on my door woke me from my sleep. Rolling over to my clock, the irritatingly bright red 3 AM plastered on the display. Another knock and I drag myself out of bed and to the door.  

Peering through the peephole, I see Y/N, soaked to the bone in a baggy shirt and shorts. Quickly I opened the door and pulled her in, wrapping a towel and then a blanket around her.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I scolded, rubbing the towel through her hair.

“I… I ran away. I want to be with you.” she looked up at me, tears pricking her eyes.

“Let’s get you dry… and warm.” picking her up and carrying her to the bathroom, it was the start of almost two years of sharing an apartment.

Everyone kept telling us we were too young to know what love was. But I know it was real with her. At least I thought it was. I know better now, I guess.

Looking around the now clean apartment, I close my eyes and focus on the song, our song. I begin to dance around the living room, but it doesn’t feel right.

It was two AM, a bottle of cheap wine shared between the both of us, our song playing softly on the radio. Pulling you close, I began to sway slowly as my arms make their way around your waist; your giggle echoes in my ear and a smile spreads on my lips.

My feet don’t dance like they did with you.

Hi everyone! 

I know it has been forever since any of us has posted anything, and I’m sorry about it. I don’t know about Mariah and Miely, but I’ve had this really really bad writer’s block lately and I can’t seem to be able to write a single word no matter how many ideas I have. It really sucks, because I love writing but there’s just been a lot on my mind this past year and it seems it’s taken a toll on my motivation.

I guess I’ve also had kind of a fallout with SVT. It’s not that I don't love them anymore, Jihoon is still my ult and I love him more than anything in this world (maybe with the exception of my bf), but tbh I miss Seventeen’s early days and works. I loved their sweet/cute image and their funky music, and while what they’re doing now is also good and I will never stop supporting their growth, I don’t enjoy their content as much as I used to. 

Wow, this post was not supposed to go like that. 

What I’m trying to say, I guess, is that I’m sorry for leaving y’all hanging with my fic and my series. I really want to finish them, but I also want to do it right. I don’t want to half-ass it and finish just for the sake of finishing bc I don’t think that would be fair to you guys. You have been really supportive and so so nice to us and I don’t want to give you guys anything but quality content. 

I’ll be heading to NY for KCon next week and the buse ride will be about 10-12 hours long, so I’m hoping to squeeze in a little writing during the trip (even though I’m night-traveling) and maybe finish my fic ? Maybe ? I don’t know. 

Anyways, like I said, I’m gonna be at KCON in NY for the whole weekend from Friday the 22nd to Sunday the 24th (I’m actually leaving NY on Monday). I’m going with friends I met through the blog, but I’m really bad at making new friends and stuff so if any of you are going and would like to meet up just for fun, then hmu. I like people but I don’t know how to talk to them. You can message me here on Tumblr (@leejihoonismyfxckingaesthetic) or on my KaTalk (ID: FeelinABitWoozi), and we can talk about my non-existent NCT bias list or about how much I miss Astro. 

Until next time. xx

YES!!! I CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!! I AM HERE

Hello, everyone! I won’t be posting today since it’ll be a busy day for me but since we cleared our inbox for the New Year, requests are now open! Feel free to request whatever you’d like for the day until we make another post to close requests!

// jeonghan + nsfw boyfriend

// His hands are all over your body, moving and touching and exploring and discovering. “Hannie, please,” You beg, already desperate and needy from having endured his teasing for so long. Jeonghan peeks up from where he’d previously been kissing your thighs, a devilish smirk on his face that says all. “You’re no fun, Y/N. What’s the point in giving you what you want so soon?” He hums, crawling up so he hovers just above you. “Y/N, who’s baby are you?” You whimper, his lips tracing over your neck, down your chest as he nips at your skin. “Y/N, who’s baby are you?” He asks again, firmer this time. You chew your lower lip, hips bucking as his mouth hovers the waistband of your underwear. “Seungcheol’s baby.” You decide to answer, and Jeonghan immediately snaps up to look at you, a kind of surprised anger on his face. “What did you just say?” You don’t respond this time, just coyly smirk, and he darkly chuckles, pushing down your underwear with a threatening expression. “You’re gonna pay for that, princess. You’ll learn who’s baby you really are tonight.”

// what was originally supposed to be a scenario turned into this instead? inspired and based off this video HERE. all credits for the video go to @hoon-seok

// warnings: fighting everywhere, murder, kind of cursing?, just lots of fighting and angst pls help

// sneak peek: “I love you so much, Coups. I love you and Gyu, and Minghao, and Hannie, and Seokmin, and Jun, and Josh, and Hansol, and Seungkwan, and Wonwoo, and Chan, and Soonyoung, and Jihoon.” You breathe a laugh, choking back a sob as you wipe your face with the back of your hand before licking your lips. “I’m not gonna hurt myself, Cheol.” You shake your head, leap forward again to cling to his shirt, burying your face against his chest once more. “I’m not gonna hurt myself, Seungcheol. You’re gonna hurt me.”

// poly!svt x reader

// word count: 3037

// PROLOGUE | ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR (FINAL) |

It feels like it’s been years—like it’s been an entire century since he’s felt your touch, since he’s felt your love. Looking around now at the twelve other boys he’s devoted his entire life to, he knows this is it. This is what it’s all come down to. And though there’s a tremble somewhere between his chest and stomach that warns him today is not the day, he can’t help himself. Even if he pulled back his orders, the others wouldn't follow. Because this is all everything’s led up to. It’s all led up to this—you.

The car ride’s been long and tedious, but Seungcheol opts to keeping silently to himself as he tries to hold his sanity. Today, all thirteen boys are travelling in the same bus; normally, they’d split between two or even three different vans, but with the poem he’s memorized by heart in mind, he’s trying his best to keep his team together and safe.

“S.Coups,” Cheol looks up at the voice, sees Mingyu peering at him from the driver’s seat. “We’re here.” The leader puffs a breath through his lips before standing; it seems as if all the noise has fallen still, his members’ eyes on him.

“Be… cautious today.” Seungcheol speaks aloud. His voice is piercing the air like a dagger at his very heart. “We’re here today for Y/N, and that’s the only objective. Get Y/N, and get out. Understand?” The twelve boys solemnly nod. “Put your hearts into it. Today, just like every other day, she’s all that matters.” And then, as if they’re playing some kind of cheesy storyline, Hansol rises from his seat as well and shouts,

“For Y/N!” The boys one by one rise after that, shouting the same words, and the whole bus is shaking with their excitement at getting back what is rightfully theirs—getting you back. The atmosphere is lively with shouts and cheers, and Seungcheol is laughing along, looking around at his family when he meets the eyes of Jihoon. He feels a lump rise in his throat.

The sky is gray and chilly when Seungcheol steps out of the bus, followed soon by his members, one by one, until they’re huddled together before the entrance of an old, creaking carnival. Everything is so gray and suspicious that Cheol doesn’t have a chance to voice his opinions before Jihoon speaks.

“This… is a little alarming, don’t you think, S.Coups?”

“We’ve been through worse,” Seokmin replies instead. “And if it means saving Y/N, then it’s worth it! Right, S.Coups?”

“Right,” He murmurs, and his breath billows out before him in white, ghostly swirls. “Keep on the lookout, boys.” Slowly, they all depart into separate groups, entering the creepy carnival and looking around for any sight that their treasure has been there. Seungcheol takes to leaning against an old booth that seems to have once promoted throwing baseballs at glass bottles. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, begins going through his notes for something important he’d written down before leaving.

“Looking for the number Y/N called you from?” It’s Jeonghan who’s approached Seungcheol so suddenly, leaning against the same booth so their shoulders are brushing. “News spreads fast in Seventeen. You know that, S.Coups.” He doesn’t quite know how to respond, so Seungcheol takes to chewing his lower lip instead, finding the number he’d traced back from your voice last night. He decides to call back.

Jeonghan is staring at him the entire time, waiting, just as the leader is, for a familiar, loving voice. But the line rings, and rings, and rings before going silent. He curses under his breath.

“No answer.” He mutters. Jeonghan is about to respond when the sudden sound of a loud gunshot rings in the dead silent carnival air, almost giving the place an even creepier vibe. All the members stop still at the sound, first staring at each other, and then at Seungcheol. “Head out!” He orders after a pause, leading the way to where the shot was heard from.

His heart is beating in his chest and the quietness from his members is putting him on edge. Nevertheless, Cheol keeps following a noise that is steadily growing louder as he keeps walking, something like movement… like shouting… like fighting.

And then there it is.

There’s a large field, expanding miles and miles from where the carnival originally sits on, and there, to all of Seventeen’s surprise, is absolute chaos.

“Is… is that Rap Monster? From Bangtan Boys?” Dino’s voice is barely audible even though he’s shouting over all the noise, and Seungcheol gulps, nodding.

“And there’s JinJin of Astro, too.” Joshua elaborates, not even the smallest of smirks on his face.

“And GOT7, and BLACKPINK, and Red Velvet, and AKMU, and VIXX, and NCT…” Vernon mumbles, and Seungcheol can’t find anything to say because everyone’s there, all of them.

It’s a giant crowd of people from different gangs all fighting each other in this empty lot, the gray sky overhead almost egging them on. There’s shouting and screaming and guns and knives and blood and… and there, in the middle of the crowd, is you.

It’s as if everyone’s been under put under a magic spell; either nobody has seen you yet or they’re choosing to ignore you, but there you’re standing there, tears streaming down your face. He hears another gunshot, flinches as he sees somebody drop dead out of the corner of his eyes.

“Try to stop them!” S.Coups loudly orders over the noise of the fighting. “Figure out what’s going on and stop them! Say the name!”

“Seventeen!” The boys shout before splitting off once more into groups. Seungcheol, however, has given himself a more important order. He walks straight through the fighting crowd to the only person who matters right now, the only person who’s worth saving—you.

“Y/N!” He loudly calls out, quickening his walk so now he’s sprinting towards you at full speed. “Y/N, it’s—” And he abruptly stops some feet from you, because there’s a gun in your hand.

“Coups?” Your voice is raw and vulnerable, so extremely different from the rough and tough atmosphere that it’s breaking his heart. “Coups, is that you?” He licks his full lips, nods as he approaches ever slowly, all too aware of the gun being gripped by your fingers. “Coups, you’re-you’re here!” You hiccup, and why does his heart hurt so much? “Where’s the rest of them? Where’s the rest of my boys?”

“They’re… out there.” He responds, now so close, he can see the tear stains all over your face, eyes wild and glazed. “They’re trying to stop this. Y/N… what’s going on? Why do you have a gun?” You bite your lower lip, squeezing your eyes shut as you begin to wave around the gun.

“I can’t tell you, Seungcheol! I want to tell you, but I can’t! They told me not to!” He’s furrowing his brows, trying to avoid the wild waving of your gun in case you accidentally pull the trigger.

“Who did? Who told you, Y/N? Was it someone here? What’s going—” You suddenly burst into tears, sobbing relentlessly now, and Seungcheol’s so taken aback, he’s starting to worry for your own sanity.

“I’m so happy you’re here, Seungcheol! I’m so happy you guys came for me!” You suddenly leap forward and throw your arms around his neck, overwhelmed by all your emotions that you suddenly feel a pumping love in your chest for the thirteen boys who have travelled so far just for you. S.Coups, surprised, takes a moment before wrapping an arm around your waist, savoring the feeling of your hug as you sob into his chest, but it doesn’t take long before he’s reaching to take the gun from your hand.

You feel the weapon being wriggled from your grasp and immediately jump back, and there’s something so much like fury in your wild eyes that Seungcheol, for once, is kind of scared.

“Were you trying to take this from me?” You screech, pointing at the gun. “Cheol, why would you do that to me? How could you betray me like that?”

“That’s not what I meant, Y/N,” He immediately defends. “I just don’t want you to be holding something so dangerous; I don’t want you to hurt yourself!” You laugh, tears still streaming down your face as you back away, gun still wildly swinging.

“I love you so much, Coups. I love you and Gyu, and Minghao, and Hannie, and Seokmin, and Jun, and Josh, and Hansol, and Seungkwan, and Wonwoo, and Chan, and Soonyoung, and Jihoon.” You breathe a laugh, choking back a sob as you wipe your face with the back of your hand before licking your lips. “I’m not gonna hurt myself, Cheol.” You shake your head, leap forward again to cling to his shirt, burying your face against his chest once more. “I’m not gonna hurt myself, Seungcheol. You’re gonna hurt me.” Everything's happening so fast Seungcheol’s not sure what you mean, and he’s about to reply when he suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns to see Mingyu standing there, stony faced and panting with smears of blood all over his face and clothes.

“S.Coups, we need to move out now. Things are getting to be too much. If we don’t leave now, we’re gonna die.” His eyes find yours, and a whole new wave of tears flood your eyes as you move forward to grab Mingyu’s hand.

“Gyu, you’re here!” You gasp out, and his eyes glaze over as he stares at you with the first sign of emotion in months—love.

“Y/N…” He whispers, moving closer. “Y/N, you’re safe.” You nod, tears streaming down your face, but before you can say anything else, Mingyu’s face scrunches into something of pain as a stain of bright red blossoms over his white shirt. He falls over onto the ground before you or Seungcheol can do anything about it, and there, standing some feet away, is Wendy of Red Velvet.

Dino suddenly tackles her to the ground but you can’t pay much more attention, because Mingyu is there on the ground, dead. You fall to your knees before him, flip him over so you can hold his cold face in your hands.

“Oh, Mingyu,” You sob over his body. His eyes stare back up at you, lifeless. “Mingyu, you were first. I didn’t think it’d be you, baby.” You lean forward, cry against his face as you press useless kisses against the golden skin you loved so much. Your lips find his, but they don’t move—Mingyu is dead.

Seungcheol doesn’t know what to do; his hands are trembling at his sides as he’s staring down at the both of you: the only person he loves with his entire heart and soul and his best friend, his family, dead and bleeding on the ground. Realizing that Mingyu is actually dead and not coming back, Seungcheol runs both hands over his face before burying them in his hair, slightly tugging with the anxiety of not know what to do.

“S.Coups!” He turns on his heel at the voice, finds Jun waving at him from across the crowd to gain his attention. “We need to move out, now!” He’s about to say more when he’s suddenly stabbed by someone from Astro, Seungcheol can’t be too sure. His eyes go lifeless, like Cheol himself has caused so many times before, but his heart pangs this time.

“Jun!” Minghao shouts, and he’s running across to his friend before suddenly falling lifeless at the sound of a gunshot.

“Cheol!” You suddenly cry out, no longer on Mingyu, but you’ve got his blood all over you hands and clothes. You fling yourself against his body, grip his shirt as you try to capture his whole attention. “Seungcheol, please, please listen to me: Cheol, you have to kill me.”

“S.Coups, Joshua’s dead!” Jeonghan’s yelling at him from some yards away, desperation and sadness in his voice. “S.Coups, we have to end this!” There’s another gunshot and when he turns to focus on Jeonghan, he’s bleeding on the floor.

“You have to kill me, Coups!” You shout again, gripping his shirt even tighter. “You have to shoot me and kill me!” He looks back out at the field, finds that there are only ⅓ of the original people who were there are still alive. There’s bodies on the floor, so many bodies, it’s made an entirely new ground. He feels that he’s quickly panicking, and there’s so much happening that he doesn’t know who to pay attention to—what to do. “Seungcheol, kill me!” You shriek. He turns to you, sees the tears streaming down your face, the lunatic glaze in your eyes.

“Why… why would I kill you?” He murmurs, but you don’t explain any further, just hold the gun against your chest and take his hand to hold the handle. S.Coups looks over his shoulder, tries to find someone, anybody, to help him take care of the situation—to help him save you.

But out there, in the time span of just a few minutes, only three remain standing, the ground a battlefield of dead people. He’s in too much of a daze to recognize who it is that still stands, but Seungcheol thinks he can recognize Jihoon’s face in the tiny group.

“Seungcheol, please,” You murmur, capturing his attention once more, and Cheol turns to stare at you, your eyes glazed and wild. “Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,” Your lips are moving quickly with your repeated words, and there’s suddenly the sound of somebody gurgling before two loud shots. He checks back over his shoulder, and nobody is standing anymore. They’re all gone.

“Everyone’s already dead,” You whisper to him, and you press the gun ever more firmly against your chest, your grip on Cheol’s hand tightening as you shove it against the handle, begging him to take it. “They’re all gone, Coups. There’s only one choice left. Just do it, Seungcheol. Pull that stupid trigger, and make sure the bullet pierces my heart just like you and twelve other boys did so long ago. Everyone else is dead, anyway. So, just do it. Do it. Kill me!” You’re shrieking at him again, shoving the barrel against your chest, and Cheol can’t take it anymore—there’s too much on his mind.

He pulls the trigger.

It’s the sound of the loud shot that finally clears his mind of all thoughts, and it’s like life is suddenly playing in slow motion as he watches the life drain from your eyes, watches as you tip back and fall to the ground. The echo of the gunshot seems to ring from all places as if humiliating Seungcheol, and he feels the tears come as he collapses to his knees, falling before you as the blood begins to blossom on your shirt, pools into a small puddle on your chest.

“No,” He whispers helplessly. “No, what have I… Y/N, no!” He grabs the hem of his shirt, rips it off in one swift movement before wadding it up and pressing it against your chest, desperately trying to stop the bleeding, trying to save your life. But it’s too late. He knows it’s too late, but he doesn’t quite want to believe it. Your breathing has already stopped, your eyes are an empty void, and there’s nothing he can do to stop the stupid bleeding.

“Y/N, please,” He’s begging, crying, and his tears are falling onto your face. “Dammit, Y/N please!” Suddenly, there’s a loud ringing, and Cheol looks up at the old rusty speakers he had previously thought no longer worked. They ring once, twice, three times to signal an announcement. And there’s your voice.

“A tale of boys that began as thirteen Will undoubtedly fall when another one comes A tale of boys and a girl as fourteen A prophecy in death and pain it sums”

It’s the exact same voice recording that was on the USB he’d burned on his desk, and the memory of listening to it with Jihoon only makes his heart pang ever more. As the poem continues, he silently whispers it to himself, already knowing it like a daily mantra.

“In the month of October blood will be spilled A revolution so carefully planned will burn All but one will not be killed A battle of love he will refuse to learn

“A tale of lovers who were once fourteen Will crumble apart when only one is seen”

Your voice echoes across the empty carnival, ringing in Seungcheol’s ears like white noise. He bursts into tears, feels his entire body rack with each sob that tears his voice raw. Nothing is left for him… he buries his face into the crook of your neck and smooths back your hair like he remembers you liked so much.

“Y/N, please,” He desperately murmurs, voice cracking and choking back sobs. “Please, Y/N, tell me what’s going on… please, what’s… what’s happening?” And then the speakers respond, ringing three times once more before suddenly echoing your voice except, this time, it’s steadier. This time, you sound serious.

“This concludes Project Shining Diamond.” Immediately, he rises to his feet, spins to face the speakers.

“What?” He shouts, voice louder than it’s ever been. “What does that mean? What’s going on?” He feels a sudden bubbling anger in his chest. And then, without thinking, he takes the gun he’s shot you with and begins shooting at the speakers, the metal sounds pinging in the gray sky. “Tell me what that means! Bring them back! Bring them all back! I want my family back, and Y/N too! Tell me what’s going on!” His voice is raw from shouting so passionately, but all that meets him is absolute silence.

Seungcheol breaks a sob, falls to his knees as he buries his face in his hands. Why does it hurt so much?

“Please… somebody… anybody tell me… what’s going on? Don’t abandon me. Just… please. Help me.”

This time, nobody responds.

Hello, Happy New Year’s Eve! Cora, Mariah, and I are really excited to spend a new year with you guys and make 2018 a better year. Obviously, 2017 was pretty rough on all of us, so we’ve all agreed together that at midnight, starting 2018, we’d clear our inbox of all old messages + requests and delete some unimportant posts on our blog as a way to start fresh for the new year.

I can’t speak on the behalf of everyone, but I’d still like to finish some of the old series I started some time ago instead of abandoning them with everything else in 2017. I’m sure we’ll open requests for a short time after clearing our inbox, but we haven’t yet agreed when to do that, so we’ll keep you guys posted!

To a fresh year, and a fresh start! Happy New Year’s, everyone!

// a little drabble i wrote to make up for how long i’ve been gone;; i haven’t written in a very long time so please excuse if it’s not that great~~

// warnings: ANGST, mentions of alcohol, mentions of cigarettes, mention of couples fighting, kind of unrequited love??, cursing

// sneak peek: “Bullshit.” You call out. “How long have you been holding those words in your head, hoping to use them? You don’t love me.” You begin to turn, hoping to walk away, but a new surge of bitter angriness fills your mouth and you stop to look over your shoulder. “If this is reality, I’m not interested.” And then you actually walk away, watching your feet hit the sidewalk a few times before there’s a tight grip on your wrist, suddenly pulling you back.

// wonwoo x reader

// word count: 1578

The air hits hard at your face, whipping your hair around into a wild, heaping mess and making your eyes burn and sting with each long stride of your running. You can barely breathe, and you’re gasping for oxygen, your lungs asking—begging—for just a little bit more breath. But you can’t allow that. You won’t allow it—not now that you’ve carried yourself so far out into the street.

This has, ultimately, become a routine. Ever since you left Wonwoo standing alone and in angry tears in what used to be your shared bedroom, you’ve gone running every evening to burn the memories of the happy times with gasping breath and tired, blotching nausea. It’s been two weeks since your big fight, and you still can’t get over the feeling of his lips against your neck, the sight of his skin underneath your fingertips.

But the thing is, you’ve turned into a statue, and it makes you feel depressed.

There’s no saving you from the memories that are Wonwoo—his vague scent of lavender laundry detergent and freshly baked goods. His grin of pearly white teeth that scrunch his nose into the cutest facial expression you’ve witnessed. The feel of his jackets around your body on cold winter days, and even moreso the feeling of Wonwoo himself around your body every day.

But you can’t get over it—you just can’t. You wish you could forgive Wonwoo, but there are no means in which what happened two weeks ago could ever be forgiven or forgotten. You realize that people hesitate, they change. Whether they be for the better or worse is a matter of circumstances. But how can you not tell someone you love them back?

You stop running; you can’t quite do it anymore. Your breath is ragged and loud in the orange of the setting sun, and you can see nothing but splotches of black everywhere, too tired—too exhausted—to keep on going. Leaning against a nearby building, you feel the brick crumble between your fingers as you support your whole being on it.

And for a long time, you just stay there. You listen to your heavy breathing and reminisce memories of Wonwoo, not being able, for the fourteenth day, to forget about the boy who’s broken you in like an expensive pair of shoes, knowing your every crevice and crack, holding you in his hands for events beyond nerve-wracking. But then there’s the sound of a voice—a boy’s voice. One you know too well, even in its condition right now of gravel and utterly ragged mess of octaves.

“Hey,” God, how you hate that voice. You lift your forehead from where you’ve been leaning it against the wall, and when you turn, you find Wonwoo in absolute ruins. And the only thing you can think is God, how you love that boy.

“How did you find me?” You find your breathing is still rough and heavy, your voice coming out in short breaths as your lungs crave to find oxygen. Perhaps, the voice in the back of your head thinks, we can find that oxygen in Wonwoo’s lips. But Wonwoo only breaths a short hum, a clipped laugh leaving his lips before he looks up as if he’s trying to stop himself from crying.

“It’s not hard to spot you in a crowd. Not when I’m so in love with you.” There’s a look of hope behind his eyes like he’s begging you to forgive him, but a sour tasting bitterness fills your mouth before you can stop to think of the sweet taste of Wonwoo’s lips.

“Bullshit.” You call out. “How long have you been holding those words in your head, hoping to use them? You don’t love me.” You begin to turn, hoping to walk away, but a new surge of bitter angriness fills your mouth and you stop to look over your shoulder. “If this is reality, I’m not interested.” And then you actually walk away, watching your feet hit the sidewalk a few times before there’s a tight grip on your wrist, suddenly pulling you back.

You don’t have to turn to know that it’s Wonwoo, and you roll your eyes as you willingly let the boy turn you around so you can face each other.

Wonwoo looks hurt. His entire expression is that of a wounded puppy, and he’s never looked so desperate before. As it is, his clothes are tattered and baggy around his shape—not the usual clean look he knows you like him to wear. And he reeks of alcohol with an accompanying fragrance of cigarette smoke surrounding his entire being.

“Y/N,” Wonwoo begins. You’ve never heard your name leave his mouth so sadly and desperately before. “Please. Heaven knows I’m miserable now.” You scoff, your gaze still burning with the same hatred you felt two weeks ago after your fight.

“Well, that makes two of us. Grow up, Wonwoo.” You wiggle your arm which is still grasped by Wonwoo, but the boy doesn’t budge.

“Do you think of me?” He asks instead, desperate and relentless to get answers out of you. You bite your lower lip, not wanting Wonwoo to see through you. Yes, you think of him, the voice says again in your head. You think of his lips, his jaw, his voice. You think of his body, and how great it would be to have him next to you again. You think of his laugh and voice, your name coming from his lips, quiet groans and whimpers in the middle of the night. You think of his flushed body above yours, and the sweat that trickles down his spine. You think of his arms and how comforting his hand feels on yours. You think of him all the time. You think of how you love him. Tell him.

“No.” You lie, and your heart shatters just a little bit more than it did two weeks ago. “I’m over you, Wonwoo. I don’t think of you.”

“Bullshit,” Wonwoo says now, his nose crinkling in disbelief. “You fuckin’ miss me.” You’re both quiet for the longest time, and you take the opportunity to savor the feeling of his fingers on your wrist. After all, you’re not sure when you’ll be able to feel that again. “Are you,” Wonwoo suddenly speaks. He decides to pause, licks his lips with the smallest expression of freight. “Are you… sad?” He pauses once more. “You can lie to me if it’s easier for you.” It’s your turn to lick your lips now, and you avoid Wonwoo’s gaze, staring at the ground, staring at his shoes.

“If I say I’m not sad, I am denying a whole universe inside of me.” It’s now that you realize you’re crying. You feel tears run down your face for the first time and taste salt as they slip past your lips. You choke back a sob and clear your throat, trying to stop yourself from crying any longer. It doesn’t work.

“Hey,” Wonwoo begins, and he grabs ahold of your chin, tilting your face upwards so your eyes finally meet. “Why are you sad? Don’t be sad, please.” You can’t help yourself anymore, and you let yourself loudly sob, your throat aching with each cry.

“Why don’t you love me back? You let the question that’s been burning holes in your mind for two weeks now finally slip, and Wonwoo looks guilty and ready to cry himself.

“But… But I do love you, Y/N.” You shake your head, taking a few shuddering breaths before speaking some more. 

“I told you I loved you two weeks ago for the first time, Wonwoo. I was so sure you would say it back, but… but you just stood there for a whole minute! You didn’t say anything back, and when I asked you why, all you could do was shake your fucking head. Don’t you understand, Wonwoo? I loved you! I gave you everything I ever had! I let you take my heart, and you never gave me yours. How could you do that to me?” Wonwoo swallows the lump in his throat, rubs his thumb underneath your eyes to rid of the tears.

“I love you, Y/N. Okay? I was… I was shocked. Nobody’s ever loved me before, and that’s all I ever wanted you to do. I think… I think I try too hard. How I look, what I do, what I’m saying. And no matter how much I tell myself to ease up around you, I feel like if I do, you might leave… I don’t want you to leave Y/N. Not today, not two weeks ago, not ever. I love you with everything I have in my entire being. But when you said it first, I couldn’t help but think you were lying to me, denying a whole century of words and feelings I could never say out loud to you. Don’t you ever think for a one moment that I don’t love you? I will always love you. Always, until the day the universe denies us the right to fucking live. Do you understand?”

And, somehow, you do. Wonwoo’s always been a mess of words—lost between being sentimental and confused. He doesn’t know how to separate his sentences into loving and coherent. But this finally makes sense to you, and you do. You do understand.

You nod and taste salty tears in your mouth, Wonwoo’s sweet words, and your shared bitter love.

// part 4/13 of the Growing Up with SVT series

// S.Coups | Jeonghan | Joshua | Jun | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | DK | Mingyu | THE8 | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino

alright time for jun

like okay sue me but i’m not even sure i’d want to have grown up with junhui ?

like yes i want to but at the same time, when i imagine what it would’ve been like, i’m not sure that’s what i want i say like too much im sorry

just, let me tell you what i mean before you throw me rocks okay

i love jun, he is amazing and there’s nothing he can’t do

he can sing (he’s got the most amazing and cute voice omg)

he can dance (look at the way his body mooooves)

he knows martial arts

he’s an actor (and a child actor at that!)

he can play the piano

he’s so so handsome

he’s caring (always remember he’s the actual mom friend in svt)

do i need to go on?

i would but then it would take forever

anyways

what im trying to say is that growing up alongside someone like jun was probably a lot of shadows

he’s so talented and out there and i think he must’ve made friends easily due to his personality, but scared people away with how big he could already make it

as a child, he was already out of everyone’s league, and i’m pretty sure it must’ve created jealousy, maybe even hatred

you managed to stay friends with him for a long time bc you never could bring yourself to dislike him

even though he was that one friend that your mom probably liked more than you

actually, even if he was the one to approach you, you were probably the one to hold on to him

a lot of people would let go of him, out of jealousy, anger, bitterness

even as a child, parents would coo over him, say how jun was special

i know families in china insist on their child’s success and stuff

but jun was a notch over that

he’d already starred in shows as a toddler and stuff

and so the other children kind of held it against him

you weren’t very special

and you didn’t want to be

sometimes it was hard, growing up to be ordinary next to a boy so extraordinary

but it was worth it

you didn’t blame him either

jun was a wonderful person to grow up with

and a wonderful friend

like i know i said i’m not sure i wouldn’t have wanted to grow up with jun

mainly bc im a competitive and know-it-all bitch that will not rest until she shows you she’s worth something shhhh i got confidence issues but that’s not the point

but tbh who am i kidding

OFC I WANT THIS I WANT TO GROW UP WITH JUN

okay okay calm down cora

one day he realized you wanted to stick around even though he was, well, who he was

and that you wouldn’t just abandon him out of spite

and from that moment he just stuck with you

he followed you everywhere and was the sweetest to you

i think he was very careful around you about the things he knew or could do

he didn’t want to lose you and so he never bragged and didn’t talk about himself a lot

you always try to get him to open up, to tell you about his auditions…

but he would be very vague about it

though it was kind of annoying, you were kind of grateful for it too

anyways no more going on about jun’s greatness bc i’ll never stop

you were the one to introduce him to kpop

like you started listening to them at home after seeing an EXO videoclip or something (in mandarin, ofc)

and next thing you know, you’re diving into this crazy world and bringing jun with you

he said once he decided he wanted to become an idol bc his friends introduced him to kpop

well that’s you my friend

it didn’t take long for jun to decide he wanted to do this

and well, you knew he could do it

there was no way in hell this boy, this wonderful, amazing, talented boy couldn’t make it

he started training more, taking dancing and singing lessons

as you accompanied him to practice, and bugged him to let you hear him sing, he started letting you in on his actual talent

and you were blown away

he wasn’t the best vocalist of all time, but the way his body moved… there was nothing like it

and so… you started to regret

let me be clear

while you believed in junhui with all you heart and hoped that he would become an idol

you were starting to see that he was almost certain to achieve his goal

which meant he would leave

leave china, and leave you

you knew you had no right over him and his dreams

but you know

you’d become attached to this tall dork

him being the caring fluff he is

he immediately noticed and would go out of his way to make sure you knew he would never abandon you

“i’ll write to you a lot, and we’ll skype every week, i promise”

“once i’m an idol you can come see my shows and i can travel”

“i’m sure i’ll have my holidays off to come home”

“once i’m rich and famous, i’ll be able to afford to bring you to me”

that one always made you snort, bc even though you knew he’d make it for sure, making him believe it was a little too good for his ego

he always that was the thing he’d miss most about you…

the way you could humble him down (??) in one stare

when you can finally see him in person again

it’s already been almost a year after his debut

and although you’ve been following his career religiously, it’s been a whole of bad luck for you two

since the two last times he’s been to china to visit, you couldn’t make it

so seeing him again feels like a dream, really

he’s even more handsome than before, and maybe even taller

a wide smile spreads on his face when he sees you

but something’s shifted in his eyes

you tell him how you followed everything he did, even though he knows, and how much you’re proud of him

you praise him on his work and you feel like it’s something he hears everyday, but you need to tell him

you need to tell him, because you can see behind his eyes that he doesn’t fully believe it

nobody but you can see it, but you know it’s been hard for him, being a chinese member in a large korean group, that he doubles and triples his effort to be considered like the other members

so when you see in his eyes that he doesn’t believe you when you say he’s amazing

you snap and hit him upside the head

“yah! stop looking at me like that, all humble and shit. if your ego needs to calm down, i’ll be the one to tell you. that’s my job, not anyone else’s.”

as he rubs the back of his head, jun smiles and nods, because he understands what you mean behind your harsh words, and he’s grateful for them

//okay so I love dodie clark and she posted this song called party tattoos and I just had to write something based on it. 

//warnings: college!AU, drinking, implied sex, fluff(???), gender neutral

//sneak peek:  Jeonghan, being well on his way to being drunk, grabbed your hand and pulled you to the middle of the living room on the makeshift dance floor. The speakers made it feel like an earthquake was tearing through the house. His arms held at your waist, pulling you closer to his chest as he began to dance to the music. He seemed to be saying something but you could not hear him over the music.

//pairing: jeonghan x reader

//word count:1756

Your head ached. It felt heavy and you did not want to open your eyes and face the hangover you already felt coming on. The shifting weight of a body next to you was enough to make you open your eyes and sit upright in the bed, causing an instant headache. You heard your heartbeat in your ears as you looked beside you and took in the figure of your best friend, Jeonghan. He was still asleep, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks, his lips slightly parted with smears of black lipstick on them. His hair sat in a mess on top of his head. His arms found their way to your waist when you realized how bare you both were. Your head started to pound as your mind raced to the night before.

Your eyes glanced at the clock repeatedly, getting antsy waiting for Jeonghan to get ready.

“I don’t know, Hannie.” You called to him from your bed. ”Partying just isn’t something I think would be fun to me.”

He groaned from his place in the bathroom. “Come on Y/N, it’ll be great.” He peeked out at you. “I’ll be there. And if you get uncomfortable we can leave.”

You nodded slowly as he smiled sweetly in your direction. When he returned his attention to the mirror to finish drying his hair, you continued to pick at your skin out of nerves.

When he emerged from the bathroom he handed you a tube of pitch black lipstick. “Put this on, you can regret it when you’re old.”

You looked back to him and carefully tried to wipe the black smears off his lips. Smoothing down his tousled hair, the corners of your lips pulled up as soft snores escaped his. The rays of sun finally began to pour through the part in your curtains, blanketing your floor in a soft, warm light. It brushed over the pile of college textbooks sitting on your desk, reminding you of the stressful week only days before.

It was a Saturday night, exams were just about finished and the partiers in your college town were just about ready to drink away the stress and the fact that they had probably butchered their exams. Your college and sorority houses were lit up like the busking nightlife of Tokyo, Japan. The music from up and down the street seemed to mesh together in a mess of wall shaking bass and beat drops.

The vibe of actually going to a party had your stomach in knots. You spent most of your time up in your dorm, studying or doing homework.

The idea of partying never appealed much to you. Getting wasted off your ass to forget the week you had never seemed like a bright idea.

“You need to be able to relax, Y/N. Let yourself have fun for once” Mingyu voiced from across the room, followed by a chorus of mumbled agreeance from the others.

Somehow Jeonghan had talked you into going with him and his friends. Maybe they were right, you needed a night to forget the week and mistakes you would possibly make that night. You wanted to have a night to be like them; to feel what it feels like to not give a damn.

When you walked into the house, it felt like the music was rattling your ribcage. The smell of cheap booze filled your airways as people walked by, already noticeably on their third or fourth drink.

Jeonghan’s hand pressed to your back as he walked the two of you to the kitchen.

“Want a drink?” he asked, his back to you as he began to grab himself a drink.

No, you really didn’t, but you were out and at a party and didn’t want to be the only sober one. “Yeah, sure.”

Jeonghan beamed over his shoulder at you, quickly fixing you a drink before placing the flimsy plastic cup in your hand. The first sip had you wanting to spit it right back out. The burning in your throat as you swallowed left a grimace on your face. Beside you, Jeonghan couldn’t help but laugh. “Lightweight.” he joked.

“Asshole.” you remarked, punching him jokingly in the arm.

More and more people started to file into the house, the atmosphere becoming hotter and slightly claustrophobic. You were three drinks in and finally feeling a buzz kicking. Jeonghan, being well on his way to being drunk, grabbed your hand and pulled you to the middle of the living room on the makeshift dance floor. The speakers made it feel like an earthquake was tearing through the house. His arms held at your waist, pulling you closer to his chest as he began to dance to the music. He seemed to be saying something but you could not hear him over the music.

“What?” you called, loud enough to be heard over the booming music.

He pulled you into him, his lips close to your ear, “You look really great tonight. And I’m really glad you decided to come.”

The party finally seemed to be picking up, even more people loading into the house, boozing up, and letting go of their inhibitions. Escaping from the crowded living room, you found yourself in the kitchen with some of Jeonghan’s friends.

Hoisting yourself to sit on the counter, you looked around at the boys, all smiling and letting loose after a full week of exams. You smiled as you listened to them laughing and telling stories of the first few days of college and meeting each other. You laughed along at the ridiculous stories Soonyoung began to share.

Jun looked over to Joshua who stood leaning against the counter to your right, a cup in his hand. “Hey, Joshua, how is that cat you’ve been taking care of?”

Joshua’s eyes went wide, slamming down his cup.“ I got to go.” leaving in a haste before anyone could ask any questions.

You watched as Jun picked up Joshua’s cup, taking a sip as he assumed it was water like his own. A look of horror crossed his face as he spit the liquid back in the cup and coughed dramatically. “That’s not water… Josh was drinking straight vodka.”

Turning your attention back to the stories, smiling with the others as the story of Seokmin’s first time getting wasted came to an end with a roar of laughter coming from the boys.

“I remember when Jeonghan first came here,” Vernon commented. “He REALLY liked Y/N. Like… Y/N and I had a book project we had to do and as soon as they left he kept asking questions about how I knew them and what year they were in… He was like a lost puppy when Y/N wasn’t around.” he laughed, clearly tipsy and just wanting to talk with his friends too. “And now he’s friendzoned.”

The whole room seemed to have gone cold and you could feel their eyes on you, trying to read how you were going to react. Your eyes averted to your lap, taking in what Vernon shared. You thought Jeonghan was attractive of course but you never thought he saw you in the same light, so you had suppressed your feelings for him and settled with being his best friend.

“Who’s ready for another round?” Jeonghan boomed. Eyes darted in his direction and a look of confusion crossed his face. “What?”

Your attention turned back to your room, taking in your surroundings. The pile of clothes on the floor, shoes left haphazard by the door, the jacket on your desk chair.

The party had began to die down, people filing out around three in the morning. Cups were left everywhere, the smell of alcohol and sweat still lingering, probably seeping into the couch left to smell for weeks to come. You had began to help cleaning up, grabbing a garbage bag and picking up the cups off the floor.

“Ready to go?” Jeonghan called, leaning in the doorway.

You looked back at him, smiling. His hair sat on his head seemingly undisturbed from when you first left. He had taken his contacts out, round-framed glasses sitting perfectly on the bridge of his nose. A soft smile played on his lips as he picked up the few cups near him before walking over to place them in the bag you were holding. He stopped drinking around midnight, so he seemed to have sobered up a bit.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” you handed over the bag to Soonyoung,, before heading out the door.

The temperature outside had dropped tremendously since you first left that evening. The alcohol still lingering in your system felt like you were radiating warmth, or was it that you finally knew Jeonghan’s feelings mimicked your own? Despite this warm, you began to shiver at the gust of wind blowing your way. Beside you, Jeonghan was shivering as well.

“My mom always told me to bring a coat.”you remarked, arms wrapping around yourself.

He smiled at you, “Coats are so heavy… Tonight you needed to float, to fly.”

His arm wrapped around your shoulder, trying to keep heat, but you both still shivered. At least you were shivering together.

Smiling, your attention was pulled back to Jeonghan as he snored softly. You noticed the soft purple marks trailing down his neck. Quickly grabbing your phone and turning on the front-facing camera, you spotted similar marks scattered on your neck and collarbones as well.

As you entered your room, you turned to look at Jeonghan.

“Vernon told me something… in the kitchen.. About you.” you emphasized.

Jeonghan’s seemed to grow to the size of saucers. “What did he say?”

“You can’t blame him, okay? He was tipsy and we were talking and he wanted to join in.” you sighed, shaking not from cold now but from nerves. “He told me that you had feelings for me.”

He nodded slowly, looking up at you, “I still do.” stepping closer, he wrapped his arms around you. “A lot.”

He kissed you gently to begin, and as you relaxed into the kiss things began to heat up. Not pulling away, he guided you back to your bed…

You felt him stir beside you, looking down at him as he began to wake up. The sunlight caused him to squint in protest, groaning as he tried to bury his face into the sheets.

“Nice bruises.” you whispered.

He peeked up at you, smiling, pulling you to lay with him. “They’re not bruises, they’re party tattoos.”

Yes I absolutely am! I’m really going to start planning it probably next weekend because Monday of next week is my last day of school. I had some ideas about it but I might change it up and create some evidence things for when I get started with it. I am so excited for it.

Hello my loves!

We have been talking with the admins of @promisesvt about doing a writing collab. There would be a thing for each member of Seventeen, basically, and we were wondering if it would be something you’d like?

Thank you so much omg! This means so much to all of us. I’m really sorry though for making a promise about writing and then not posting anything! I started cosmetology school and my days go from like 7:30 to 3:20 everyday and then business homework when I get home. I will start dedicating my weekends to writing. Love you guys!