What Exactly Am I Suppose To Say?

Every night I wait around for a text from you. Ten to twenty minutes later I get a response, a word or two no effort. Making conversation is hard. All I want is to be around you. All you want is to be around your boys. I see you two to three times a week for work….. also the days if we happen to do it. Two times…. Three total the past two months. On what? Work days. Why? Because the only time we are together are those days. Unless there is something planned then I get an additional maybe five hours. Why you might ask, to go back to the other lover. While I sit at home waiting and waiting. Why you might ask? Because he hates me. He can’t stand to be around me for even 30 minutes and keep his lover waiting. So I sit at home cleaning, doing our laundry. Because he can’t even stand being around me a whole night with nothing planned because I am boring. I either want to sleep or watch tv. Wasting my days away. Never wanting to go out and do things because of my stomachaches and introvertedness. He despises me I can hear it in his voice. But yet I am told it is fine, he doesn’t admit it. As I ponder as what used to be and what is now and why there is a difference. He would have killed to be with me so much. Now it kills me he never does, I sob and wait until he comes home on our work days just to see him. While I’m obsessed he is indifferent. He called me beautiful, only over texts. I don’t feel beautiful, I feel disgusting. Falling over a man who I feel barely makes an effort to see me. I don’t because I would only be in his room watching him. I don’t feel beautiful anymore, I remember getting butterflies from those long texts when I can barely get a sentence. Beauty had gone down the drain. With two weddings this year not one did I get called beautiful. Not one did I feel special to be had. But I keep waiting my days for a compliment of some sort, feening for it. But none come, I become crazy; still indifference is seen. No love or attention to be given besides a sentence barely put together in 10 seconds to go back to his lover. All I want is to be loved how I love. With care, emotion, affection and attention.