Let's take a break.

.I’m a bit scared of the future. If what already came, was painfull; how am i going to survive what comes next. More sleepless nights, are the thoughts running around my mind going to increase again, am I going to hate myself even more, or will I learn how to love myself, get selfsteem, and boost my confidence?

 Too many things are slowly killing my mind, and I really don’t know how to deal with them anymore. I want to do so many things yet, but I’m sinking without even getting the chance to realise it. 

Meeting more people to stop with the horrible feeling of being alone, but feeling lonely even when I am surrounded by many people and my social anxiety increasing to the point of not being able to breathe, but neither to ask for help, move, or calm down.

I’m afraid of loving someone but being too clingy, or not caring enough about the relationship, ending up in a one-sided love relationship or not being able to be loved by someone. 

Not being able of achieving my goals or setting unrealistic/imposible goals.          I’m scared of not being enough for me or anyone else. I don’t know if I have to follow the established stereotypes, because I’m too scared of finding my true-self and show it to everyone because I’m scared of rejection. 

Having to curse at myself, to keep my expectations, and self-steem low, because I know that someone is going to end up doing it at the end of the day, so I prepare myself mentaly for when that time of the day comes. Or my mind just auto-destroying my self, by calling me names or blaming me for things I never meant to do. Having to apologize for things I shouldn’t.