sunlight

hello my friend 🤍 i am so sorry to hear that and am sending all my love. it’s been almost a year now for me and honestly at the time i felt like i was physically feeling my heart break in half. i remember feeling so frustrated when the only advice anyone had for me was to give it time; it hurts so bad and i feel like it’s the worst thing in the world just waiting and letting it happen and i find letting people go so unbelievably painful and it was really difficult those first few weeks i couldn’t eat I couldn’t sleep and for me I think part of it as well is that I felt so guilty even imagining moving on? like the idea that one day it wouldn’t hurt anymore and I wouldn’t care anymore felt like such a betrayal of all the good moments i almost didn’t want it to feel better?

all this to say i don’t know where you’re at but i know it hurts like a bitch and i promise you it feels better. let the people who love you take care of you, let yourself be a mess for a while, one day you stop itching to text them or call them and one day it hurts less and at some point you can look back at it with affection without it feeling so bad. it came and went for a while and then it got better. i lost that very physical weight on my chest. heartbreak is genuinely such a physical ache. there was a long time for me where i was just really angry and bitter over what happened even when it wasn’t hurting the same anymore and for a while i thought that was just how it was going to be and even that has kind of subsided and i wish him well even though i don’t think we’re going to get in touch again.

and i am dating someone else! i never in a million years saw him coming i fully expected to want to be alone for a good long time but i am so happy with him. it gets better. I think some people are in our lives for less time than we hoped or expected in the beginning and that feels impossible to bear when you lose them. but i promise it feels better

🥺🧡 i ammmm very sorry for myself too. weird cause it was one of those things that had to happen but I love him and he loves me (well its been 10 days but i hope that has not changed lol) and it was all very sad and now I don’t know what to do he was my first boyfriend and we were together over 3yrs and i am still kind of convinced we’ll figure it out and get back together but is that denial??? idk??? ive never done this before and i cant sleep without him??? who knows

sorry wordvomit I can’t talk about this without writing an essay every time hahaha