Inspiration

I don't need you to tell me that I am loved or whole or good. I need you to watch me wade into the river of my misery and sit down at the bottom. I need you to watch me hold my breath.

They said, "If you keep carrying on like this, you won't even be the person people root for in your own stories." I said, "Good."

I resent my own resiliency. I don't want to bounce back. I don't want to be strong. Trample me underfoot and just let me stay down. God, just let me stay down.

Swamp creature. All unwashed mouth, all river mud. You overgrown bramble. You outrageous thorn. Unafraid of a little blood. Unafraid of a lot. Opposition trembles before you. Runs away and tells stories of your unholiness. Your dirt and your anger. All your bite. Reputation doesn't precede you; it follows you around with its tail between its legs. It cowers in your shadow. Curse the words of those who tried to bury you. Bless your inability to stay down.

I AM THE GOLDEN ARROW. I AM ANGER CAUGHT IN THE THROAT. I AM WHAT PROWLS THE WOODS AT NIGHT. I AM WHAT WANTS AND DEVOURS. I AM THE HEART ON FIRE.

You called me a girl, but I am a portrait of the world on fire. You called me a girl, but I am a bruise that refuses to heal. You called me a girl, but I am a knife.