some kind of control

♡ i havent been on here for about a month but im back! im not in recovery but im trying to limit how much i restrict (so no more 4+ day 'fasts', i was starting to seriously endanger my health) and i wont be logged on as regularly as before, but ill probably keep my queue filled up for the most part. personal/non ed life updates in the tags ♡

im going to break my 4 or 5 day fast (i cant remember how many days lmao my brain stopped working properly) and im not going to feel guilty for it and im also not going to binge

im genuinely glad that my friends are relatively happy and stable but i miss when everyone i knew was just as unhealthy as me bc i never had to face how fucked up my brain is. today i made a joke about a hallucination i had and my friend told me i need to get help. lmao.

can somehow tell me how the fuck im 12 pounds heavier than a week ago?? like ive been eating "normally" with like one or two binges but jesus christ dude 12 pounds? 12??? i cant even deal with this lmao

i think im out of the honeymoon phase of relapsing, where i feel euphoric and in control. now i just feel helpless and shitty and so fucking tired.

ive been ✨🌟fasting💫✨ since sunday and i got an hour of sleep last night and let me tell you guys. my body is hating every minute of this. 😍🤪