It was an expensive mistake.
My horse broke his back to get me here.
I have his blood on my hands for no reason.
But what was I supposed to do?
How was I supposed to know how to use a tube amp?
How was I supposed to know how to drive a van?
How was I supposed to know how to ride a bike without hurting myself?
How was I supposed to know how to make dinner for myself?
How was I supposed to know how to hold a job?
How was I supposed to remember to grab my backpack after I set it down to play basketball?
How was I supposed to know how to not get drunk every Thursday, Friday, Saturday,
And - why not - Sunday?
How was I supposed to know how to steer this ship?
How the hell was I supposed to steer this ship?
It was an expensive mistake.
Can’t say you’re sorry and it’s over.
I was given a body that is falling apart.
My house is falling apart.
I was given a mind that can’t control itself.
I was given a ship that can’t steer itself.
And what about the pain I’m in right now?
And what about a vacation?
And what about a vacation to feel good?
My horse broke his back and left me here.
How was I supposed to know?
And God won’t forgive me,
And you won’t forgive me.
Not unless I open up my heart,
And how am I supposed to do that?
When I go to this same room every night,
Sleep in the same bed every night,
Same fucking bed,
With the red comforter with the white stripes,
And the yellow ceiling light makes me feel like I’m dying.
This sea is too familiar.
How many nights have I drowned here?
How many times have I drowned?
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
kianamaiart
tangentwithtanner
annaxmalina
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romaincrisis
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