Gaymer

Im not really sure how to start this. For my safety I’m using an alias, so here, my name is Blaire; I recently turned 18 years old, and ever since I keep seeing… things. I’ll have to explain more so people can understand that I’m not lying, I just felt I had to get this story out before something bad happens. I’ve studied psychology and schizophrenia academically so I know what’s happened cant have been caused by any mental health issues.

One of my earlier memories, maybe, would have to be from a recurring nightmare I’ve had since.. maybe 5yrs old?

It all happens in strange, seemingly barely-connected fragments. Children playing in a pile of brown leaves in a completely white void space. Someone walking in the same bright, pale chasm towards a sort of endless pillar.

And a woman.

A woman - whose face I cant for the life of my make out - being crowned. Every time she’s crowned in the dream, I become overwhelmed with a sense of unfathomable dread, like something awful and catastrophic, something irreversible, will happen. Worldwide.

I’ve sleepwalked every time I’ve had this dream. Always into my parents’ room (even after we moved house, numerous times). It always involves me pointing at a wall and - while completely asleep - and bawling my eyes out, talking about this woman or the feeling of a terrible event.

I’m grateful to say I haven’t had this nightmare for years. But the vision that came to me on my 18th, and the following occurrences, I cant help but feel they relate to it.

The night of my birthday, following awesome celebrations with friends and family, I had a dream. It featured the same crowned-woman from the nightmare I thought I’d long outgrown. She sat in a shadowy vacuum facing me. My body moved toward her without me doing anything. I had lost my own volition. She said something when I was at a polite distance, and I stopped being dragged towards her. A faceless someone in a suit stood behind her, hand on her shoulder as though they were posing for some effed up family portrait. I still for the life of me cant remember her face, but I know in my heart she was smiling at me.

I woke up from the feeling I had just fallen a great height and had only just hit the floor, springing up in bed with a pounding heart. Retrospectively, the sensation following I believe is classed as a hypnopompic hallucination - or at least I pray that’s all it was. I felt a hand on my cheek and a voice right beside me whisper my name. No one was there, obviously, but I swear I felt a presence.

It was about a week later when things started taking a turn for the worse. One night, I lay on my back looking up, and in the near-darkness it looked like a giant tarantula was crawling above my bed. I checked to make sure I wasn’t suffering some kind of half-asleep paralysis. Nope; I was awake for sure. After a few minutes of it slowly slinking about up there, it started freaking floating down towards me. I have a sort-of fear of spiders, so instinctively clasped my eyes shut. The sensation of it landing atop of me thankfully never came, but the night after something else happened too.

I sleep with lace curtains on one side of my bed, the side facing out to my room; the other half of my bed is pressed into the corner. I couldn’t sleep, and after a while opened my eyes to glance around my room - as anyone would. After a moment of perusing the shadows my eyes locked onto a figure, and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end.

The woman from the dream.

The one who’s followed me since a child.

It was her.

I wear glasses, and obviously didn’t have them on in bed, but I could make out the figure stood at the opposite side of my room. I recognize her white hair and enveloping cream dress. Only here her crown and manicured slicked-back hair was discarded, traded instead with bedraggled tufts falling during her face and shoulders.

For a moment, something akin to terror overtook me. I couldn’t take a photo due to some fear-induced paralysis, nor could I reach for my glasses. After maybe 3 minutes of just watching her, I lay back down slowly, turned over to face the wall, and focused on going to sleep. I know, it was dumb and dangerous for me to do, but in the moment it felt right. When I awoke, at least she was gone.

Maybe two weeks later I was at a friend’s house; we were getting ready to go out partying, and had just reached the bottom of her stairs. She was leaning down, tying up her boots, but looking up at me while we spoke. I had glanced up to the top of the stairs while reaching for the light switch, and saw someone. My hand moved before my brain caught up, so I’d already switched the light off after seeing him. From my position, I could only see from the neck down. It was that suited man from my dream, in motion, walking out of eyesight to one of the rooms. We had only just come from upstairs, so I knew no one was up there. My friend say my expression shift and heard me let out a small, hitched gasp, but I don’t want anyone I know to know about these strange visions, so I said I saw her cat and it spooked me.

That happened a few weeks ago, and I’m relieved to say I haven’t seen anything since. I feel stupid for being afraid to tell my friends, but I cant help but feel they wouldn’t understand, or would think that there’s something wrong with me. My parents would be even worse, I just know it. I guess that’s why I wanted to tell someone, so here I am, splashing out this strange situation onto the internet for any paranormal sleuth to sniff at… or just anyone really. The anonymity makes me feel less afraid about posting.

Why’s this Messiah look so mad 😭😭😭