spilled guts

SAP. 8teen. they/them. filipino-american. certified freaky nerd. kafkaesque creature.

strawpage: click here!

i know i’m queer, like idgaf about the gender of my partner, but feel like i’m like faking possibly being aspec because i’m not opposed to romance or sex, but i don’t really view either in a way most of my allo friends do.

like i’m in a romantic relationship, i love my boyfriend, but i feel like friendships i have fall into the same level of intimacy, or even feel more intimate and deeper than romantic relationships. the idea of romance seems nice but is so vague i literally lied about crushes when i was younger.

or even confused crushes with just wanting to be close with a person. a plush? platonic crush? idk.

i’m physically affectionate with everyone. i hug and maybe cuddle my friends and i got told i just seem really flirty and i don’t wanna come off like that.

and sex? ehhhhhh, the idea of it is nice. i like it in a “i wanna be as close to you as physically possible and make you feel nice” and not “ooh i am horny horny lemme eat you up”. like i don’t look at people and feel sexual attraction.

idk maybe i’m a prude, or traumatized from childhood, or like neurodivergent and weird. i don’t really have friends to talk about with this. hehehe

art teachers let me keep busy in classes i wasn’t even in because i wanted to work on projects. social studies teachers chat with me when i’m early in class, let me have some of their coffee when i came in looking exhausted, and let me be in their class during free periods just because. my science teachers were nothing but encouraging, indulging in my outlandish questions, and connecting the subject to art because they knew i loved it.

like i’m so serious my bio teacher explained how human centipede would realistically be when i questioned it randomly.

what the actual fuck. i'm not usually this cohesive.

pun unintended.