Out Of Narnia

This poem was written after reading a story about someone who went to a Christian Prayer Rally to hold up a peaceful sign to counter something that a preacher had said about LGBT children being evil. What saddened me was the unChristlike response of the Christians there;

Now at the end of time I stand quietly in this line Across from me there’s another In that one is a daughter and mother There’s even a Roman Catholic priest And many people from the Middle East I can see a man that I once knew He had ran, when alive, with a bad crew There was that guy I denounced for being gay I knew it was wrong for just being that way

Then I surveyed my own merry band There was the group who with me took a stand We’d tell everyone they needed to repent We were obviously right and heaven sent That big TV evangelist was here as well He had warned the gays they were going to hell There was the man who was head of a charity And the preacher who told us with certain clarity That the Bible was clear and meant what it said Even the bits that were full of dread

I was content that I was in the right queue The other one was terrible to view Then the time came for Him to appear And everyone in both lines began to cheer Then He announced who were the goats and the sheep And I recalled that he had said ‘what you sow you will reap’ So I puffed out my chest not containing my pride But I suddenly realised I was on the wrong side As he said “The goats on the left and the sheep on the right The sheep will come home but the goats, out of my sight”

Here’s a letter I wrote to my family. I wrote it as an exercise to myself but didn’t plan to send it. I have now come out to my Brothers and Sisters and they are fine with it.

Dear Family

I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it.

I am gay

For most of early life it wasn’t a problem. However since the bullying by the oldest brother and then the rest of you by calling me poof and queer I was forced to not try and understand it. I was forced into the closet. I spent my life since being a teenager in constant fear that it might actually be true. That I really was gay. I was also teased/bullied by others who could probably see it also.

Then I became a Christian and then the fear I as gay really kicked in. Because traditional teaching says that it’s wrong to be gay. And if you are you can’t be a Christian. So I denied it. Denied and denied it. So my internal homophobia grew. I hid. I even went through a program to rid me of this fear. It worked for a while but that’s when the fun started. Cos I realised it wasn’t a fear after all but a reality. I had just not been able to accept it.

The evidence in my life however has been overwhelming. You don’t need to know the details. So suffice to say it turns out that I am actually gay.

Two years ago I was having a chat with God and saying that if I was asked I would say I agreed with equal marriage. I also asked another question: if I came out what would change. God answered: nothing would change. But the biggest thing, and, here you will have to take my word for it, I felt the Love of God. Physically like a warm glow from within.

Of course this was confusing so I googled “gay Christian” and realised that a) I wasn’t alone and b) there were a lot of gay Christians out there. One particular organisation GCN has a conference each year. Last year was Portland and this year was Houston (2017 it’s in Pittsburgh). This year there were 1500 gay Christians and allies (people who are okay with being gay or looking to be - i.e. Family members or friends of gay people).

What does this mean exactly. It means I don’t want to hide anymore. I have told some people and the church I go to is an inclusive church and most of my friends from this church are gay. What it doesn’t mean: I am not attracted to every guy I meet. As I’m sure (unless you have a problem) that you are not attracted to every guy or girl you meet. It does not mean that I will find someone to marry. But if I do it will be a guy. I am still a virgin (completely). My gay cousin knows. And no I don’t like Madonna.

I hope this doesn’t change our relationship but if it does then I forgive you in advance. Why should it be me forgiving you? I haven’t changed just being true to who I am. If a change as taken place it is you who changed.