“𝐈 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠.”
Chloe resents Max lowkey. She loves her, obviously. A LOT. But there is a lot of bitterness and anger. Every time Chloe thinks about her mother she feels it. Every time she thinks about Rachel or the places she used to frequent. She feels it. Every time they drive into an old small town or see the ocean or a lighthouse. Chloe loves Max so much. But she does resent her. Not enough to actually leave or hate her, but it is always there simmering. The fact that Max chose her. That Max didn't listen to her request and basically let everyone die just to save her. Chloe was okay with dying. She didn't want to. But like why would she deserve to live while everyone else died? Chloe didn't want her mom or even david to die like that. Her memories of Rachel, of her dad, all destroyed in the storm.
Chloe had only ever lived one place. She wanted out. But at the same time, that was her home. All of her memories were there. Everyone and thing she ever loved was there. Her mom died in a fucking diner. Chloe had issues with people, sure... But she never wanted any of them to die. Not Frank or David. Hell, even though she DID want to kill Nathan (and Jefferson when she found out) she still wouldn't exactly be chill with them being caught up in it.
Even if Max denies it, that storm was hers. Everyone in that town is dead because of them. Max chose Chloe, fuck everyone else. Max, who Chloe saw as a good person that cared about others. There is a part of her that blames herself. She should have put her foot down. She should have been better - not been such a bad example. Those people died because she was alive. Chloe thinks about suicide a lot, but she can't. What did everyone die for then?
So she bottles it all up. She tries to pick Max up. She owes Max her life. Max is all she has. Out of everyone she knew, Max is all that's left. She already couldn't imagine losing Max, now it is even worse. Chloe loses herself in a way. She puts her needs aside. She puts Max first. After all, hadn't Max put her before everyone?
But there is still this resentment. Max could have moved on and lived her life. Now they are both here with this guilt. Chloe doesn't deserve to live if others have to die. And it was unfair for her to hang that burden around her neck.
She also lives in fear that Max is using her powers. She wants to trust Max, but how can she? She didn't even respect her choice to save her mother? The guilt that Chloe feels isn't hers. It belongs to Max, but she put it on her. And Chloe bears it alone. Because she has to be the same old Chloe to Max. She cannot move forward because Max needs her. Everything in her life becomes about supporting Max. She becomes an actress that would make Rachel proud.
Chloe is tired, guilty, and defeated. It is the perfect example of “I survived, but it's not a happy ending.” and “I have survived, but I have not been spared.”
gracieabrams
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
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