Frozen Heart

@iicecoldelsa​ // “Oh, you’re trembling.” The subway entrance is chilly. So chilly, in fact, that the subway is shut down. And pedestrians are milling about trying to catch cabs and taxis. Gertrude isn’t one of them. She’s had been walking to her apartment past this particular stop. The snow seems to increase with each passing minute, and she worried, apparently, about those above the station. It is so unnaturally cold. 

Maybe it’s the wind tunnelling effect. Maybe it’s the intense chill that comes with these brisk January days. Gertrude herself is bundled up in layers of wool coats and a sweet scarf and woollen gloves. Her glasses are fogging up with the cold and wind. And she’s looking right at Elsa with kind, concerned eyes. “Aren’t you cold today? It’s record lows, you know. And you’re in a jacket and gloves. Can I offer you some tea, or coffee. And you can warm up by the fire? Then I can call you a cab for your way home. No sense now. The streets are stagnant.”

Gertrude looks a little closer, a look of concern that is not quite unnerving. “Oh… your jaw isn’t tense? Are you not… cold? Or are you more tense about…?” She trails off a bit before catching herself. “Oh, I’m sorry to pry. I just hate to see a young lady alone in this weather. The invitation for coffee or tea is still open. Or… do you like hot chocolate? I’m very good at making that, I think?”

Elsa let out a sigh as she notices the closed down subway station. She just wanted to get home. She felt herself getting more nervous the longer she was out, and she wasn’t even sure if her magic was making the air any colder than it already was. She does notice it snowing harder, but she still isn’t sure if it's her or mother nature causing this. She was standing still when she heard someone approach her. Elsa looked over. “Oh, no, I’m alright,” she says, attempting a smile. Then the woman continues and she seems to realize that Elsa isn’t showing any effect to the weather. She blinks. She doubts anyone’s first thought would be ‘oh this woman has ice powers’, but she can’t help but worry. “I’m just stressed about the subway. I... it’s a long walk back to my place, and I... well, everyone is jumping into a cab to get out of this weather.” She seemed nice, but she wasn’t sure if she should trust her. Elsa doesn’t really trust people she just meets. But she does like hot chocolate. And she needed to get inside so she could know whether or not it was her fault the weather was getting worse. “I... thank you, that is very kind. I suppose one cup couldn’t hurt? Though, I don’t think I should go with you until I know your name.”

Anna was oblivious to the change in Elsa’s demeanor and as she grabbed her coat for the second time she stared at her sister like a lost puppy. “What are you in the mood for? is this a fancy lunch date? I hope you don’t mind I look like this. I am so down for anything, though! It can be casual, high-end…whatever!” She couldn’t stop talking. She really couldn’t. “Just name it and I’ll eat it!”

She tried to push back the negative feelings. She needed to just focus on the positive. Anna wanted to have lunch with her. She wanted to hang out with her. This was progress, this was good. Elsa always worried the rift she’d caused between them was too big to mend. Because as much as Anna missed her sister, Elsa missed her just as much. She grinned a bit. “Oh, hush, Anna, you look lovely,” Elsa said. “I’ll go anywhere. It doesn’t have to be too high-end. I always feel like we’re back in all those etiquette lessons mother and father made us take when we eat somewhere too fancy,” she said lightly. “How about we go somewhere with good desserts; that’s always the best part of the meal. Know anywhere like that?” She didn’t want to admit that she didn’t eat out often and didn’t know the best places to eat. She honestly would’ve been happy eating whatever they had left in the pantry; she was just happy to spend time with Anna. 

Anna perked up a little bit, despite the knots in her stomach. “Yes! Oh my god, yes! I would love that so much? So so much.” She didn’t know how to sound more eager if she was being honest with herself. “I have so much to catch you up on! Can you believe it’s already been a year since I found the love of my life? Ohmygosh Elsa, I am….so happy with him. And I want you to know what’s been going on and invite you into it all…If you wanna be a part of it I mean. But first! Food! I am so hungry I could eat a horse!”

She smiled almost brightly at Anna’s enthusiasm. She can feel herself starting to get excited as well. “I know, I’d love to catch up with you,” she said. Elsa’s smile got tighter though when she mentioned Hans. She hoped that Anna didn’t catch that. “And I’m happy that... that you’re happy. I... yes, food first, that sounds like a good plan,” she said. Elsa wanted to be happy with this, and she would be if it was any other person that Anna found herself so infatuated with. And in this moment, she just wanted to have lunch with her sister. Maybe... maybe she could bring up her concerns after they had eaten and spent some time together? 

“I don’t know if you’ve watched those commercials, but not so bad is not the same as good.” Summer shuddered. “No offense, but I’m glad that I’m not from wherever you are.”

Elsa just gave her a nod with a bit of a smile. “I understand that. I guess I’m just used to the cold.” She waved the comment off. “Oh, none taken. I will say that it’s a beautiful place to visit in the summer. I think it’s rather lovely in the winter, too, but if you’re not a fan of the cold, I can’t recommend it then.”

@iicecoldelsa​

Anna knew they had to talk about this someday. They didn’t talk about anything but the closer her wedding day got, the more she had to plan. And the more she had to plan, the more nervous she became. But this question was the type of question that had burned in her heart since she was a little girl. She wanted to know the answer to this the moment she knew what boys and weddings were. So she had to get that question out of the way Because if she was going to be rejected, she needed time to cope with that. So she let herself into the apartment she still technically shared with Elsa and when she spotted the other blonde she froze.

“Umm…..hey. Elsa. Hi. I have….how are you? Have you eaten today? You look good. Like really, really, good.”

Elsa was curious when she heard the door opening. She knew it must be Anna, but it was almost odd to see her sister come around. There were times where she almost forgot that Anna still lived here. Upon seeing her sister in the home, she tried at a smile, but her furrowed brow probably showed her confusion. “Anna, what are you... Hi. I’m... I’m alright, how are you?” she asked. “Oh, thank you. You look like you’re doing well, too.” Her smile softened a bit. “I was just about to head out to get something to eat if you would like to join me?” she loved the company of her sister, and she wished she didn’t feel so much distance between her. Elsa knew it was her own fault, but still. She missed that closeness.

“Legit I’m gonna freeze my ass off. Remind me why I don’t just move back to Australia? It’s so fucking cold here.”

“It’s not so bad. It’s nothing compared to where I’m from,” Elsa said with a bittersweet smile. “The winters there could get so cold, I swear the glass would shatter if you shut a window too quickly.” But then again, the cold rarely had much of an effect on her, so what did she know. 

Something about Elsa’s presence tore down a wall when it came to Hans, when it came to what he felt the need to put forth. At least, it did as of late. There was a sense of a lack of pretense, and good god did it help Hans to stay sane, as odd and terrible as that was to admit to himself. He played a good game, and he continued to play a good game, but he didn’t have to play saccharine anymore with Elsa after the trouble that had cropped up, and that counted for something. He didn’t admit to needing much, but Anna had been up in arms about a stuffed animal that she missed from home and characteristically could tell him absolutely nothing about it. It was a long shot, perhaps, but a long shot worth accosting Elsa about when he caught her leaving a hired car on a cold Manhattan day. It wasn’t the time or the weather to stop her from whatever she was doing, but Hans didn’t feel the need for convention as much as he once had. “Elsa!” he shouted, friendly but booming over the wind. “Just the woman I was looking for!” @iicecoldelsa​

If there was to ever be a person that she would lash out at with her powers on purpose, it would probably be Hans. She still didn’t trust him. And with all the things that had gone down, she wanted to avoid him even more. She shouldn’t distrust him this much. Anna seemed to trust him. But she was allowed to worry. She didn’t want anyone hurting her sister. Which some might say was a hypocritical thing to think, but she was trying to make things better. So when she heard his voice she tried at an amicable smile. She tried not to appear too cold and closed off, but it would definitely look forced if she acted a little warmer toward this man who was probably going to be her future brother-in-law. “Oh, hello, Hans,” she said, tone a little flat as she kept her hands clasped in front of her. “You were looking for me?” that did make her face falter a bit, confusion furrowing her brow. “Why were you looking for me? Is Anna alright?” something caught in her chest when she felt those thoughts and worries pass through her mind. Her left hand squeezed her wrist tighter as her right hand balled into a tight fist. 

@iicecoldelsa​

Thanksgiving was super close. Not even a week away. And Anna was stressed. With wedding planning and the growing gap between her and Elsa it was a lot. She wanted to have Thanksgiving as a family, with Olaf and Hans and Kristoff and Rapunzel and Flynn all there too. But she was afraid to ask. She was afraid they would reject the idea because of Hans. She knew that they didn’t love him like she did. And that was okay. But she also has been engaged to him for almost a year now. The deadline for that was ticking and she just wanted to jump out of her skin. 

But she needed to try. She had ordered food just in case of the yes, now it was just trying to ask Elsa. Because if Elsa said yes, then she was sure that Olaf and Rapunzel and the rest would. So she knocked at her sisters door, a familiar pang in her chest as she did so, and waited. 

“Els? Got a second?”

She didn’t know who she was expecting to be at the door, but something in her chest tightened when she saw Anna. There was a split second thought that she should’ve grabbed her gloves, but she was just expecting a solicitor or something. “Anna,” she replied, trying to think of more words. She just looked at her sister, feeling so many emotions building up inside her. Elsa noticed the frost beginning to gather on the doorknob. “Yes, I’ve got time,” she rushed a bit, opening the door wider. “Did you want to come in? I can make tea or something?” there’s a part of her that’s still trying to process the fact that Anna is actually here and willing to see her. Unless she’s going to tell her to stay away. Probably not. Hopefully not. She clasped her hands together. “How have you been?”

“I feel so fucking good right now,” Amanda said, clapping her hands together. “Thanksgiving is next week and even though I have zero plans, I am still going to eat whatever the hell I want. Screw it right?” She grinned. “What about you? Doing anything exciting?”

“That sounds like a lot of fun,” Elsa said with a bit of a smile. “I don’t know if I’m doing anything. I suppose it all depends if my sister or any of my friends are doing anything and if they decide to invite me. I might just buy myself a pie and a can of whipped cream and just end up watching movies by myself all day.”

“You need to think quick. Channel your emotions into your powers. That’s going to be your mantra. That’s what you have to remember. If you get angered or scared and you fear you will expose yourself then think of something you love that makes you happy. Whether it be a family member or a pet. Think of any happy little thought.” Aaric’s eyes went to her hands and saw how ice began to form. “You won’t hurt me. Let’s try something. Think of something that scares you or really pisses you off. Make yourself upset somehow. That will trigger your powers. And once they are almost out of control try and calm yourself down with something that makes you happy.”

She nodded, her head barely moving. She didn’t want to tell him that usually thinking of her family members made her sad or stressed. She was trying to think of something that made her happy that didn’t have ties to something that also made her sad. But then he threw her off. Aaric wanted her to get made? He wanted to see her lose control? No, he wanted to see her control it. “I... I can try,” she looked down at her hands. “Can you take a step back? Just in case?” she asked. Elsa took a deep breath and shut her eyes. Think of something that makes her angry or scared her. She could do that. She thought of the message that got sent to her about someone hurting Anna. She thought about the gossip. She thought about Anna finding out about her powers, she thought about hurting Anna. Her parents dying. She felt the pricks in her hands as ice formed up her arms, the temperature around her dropping as her powers tried to take over. Her fear and anger feeding it, creating it. She could feel the ice that wanted to shoot out of her hands, to create a barrier between her and all the bad around her. But she was creating this panic, she was causing her own fear. Aaric believed she could control it, but could she? If she couldn’t, she knew he could get hurt. If he got hurt, her powers could be exposed. And even if they weren’t she would be the one to blame. There was pressure building around her, like a storm waiting to be unleashed. She tried to think of something happy, something positive to stop all this, but none of those thoughts came. She tried to think of seeing the stars at night or going ice skating with her friends or a time when she and Anna were closer than ever, but it just made the feelings grow. They weren’t stopping her powers. Stop, she screamed in her head. I want this to stop. She wanted to be in control, she wanted that more than anything. There was a wave of anger at herself for this being so difficult, why couldn’t she just get this. There was anger mixing with those positive memories, her happy thoughts. Just. Stop, she thought again, hands clenching into fists. The fear was all but gone. Only the anger and the attempt at happiness remained. “I want to be in control,” she said out loud, her voice stronger than she expected. “Why is it so damn hard?” with that she squeezed her fists tighter, her eyes snapping open, and all the ice on her arms and forming around her disappeared. Elsa relaxed her hands, looking to Aaric. Part of her felt tired, but part of her was more awake than it had been. “Was that even a little close to what you want from me? Am I even making any progress? Why can’t these powers just listen to me? Why does it feel like rocket science to understand something that’s happening in my own body?”

“Not trying hard enough,” he said. “Use your emotions to control your powers. If you’re scared or angry or sad, whatever you’re feeling– channel it into your powers. Use all the bad emotion you feel to fuel your powers. Once you learn to control your emotions you’ll be able to control your powers.” Aaric watched as she took her gloves off and put them in her bag. “Good. Trusting me will make this a lot easier.” His brow furrowed. “Trusting yourself can be difficult. Everything ties together. I think you need therapy.”

“But what if there’s a time I can’t control my emotions. What if I get angry at something and lash out, and my powers lash out with me? That could expose my powers or... or hurt someone I don’t mean to?” Elsa could feel a bit of panic rising in her chest. Control it, she tried to tell herself. With her gloves off, she balled her hands into fists, ice crackling up her palms, her wrists. She closed her eyes to focus on getting rid of her panic, but not necessarily the ice. He said the word therapy and she let out a dry laugh, feeling a bit of calm wash over her. She looked up at him, carefully reaching up to push back a bit of hair that’s fallen from her braid. “Is that not what this is?” she replied, a small grin appearing on her face. “I don’t trust myself because I’m afraid of hurting people. I know that getting control will make this less likely, but it’s just the process of that. What happens if I hurt someone who’s trying to help me? What happens if I accidentally hurt you?”

Aaric’s eyes went back to her hand. He watched as she clenched her fists. “Have you now? And what exactly have you been practicing? Concealing your powers?” He looked back up at her and rose his eyebrows. “We’ll I’m sorry about your sister but you’ll have to get over it,” he told her bluntly. “You need to learn to control them and use them at will. Not hide them.” He stood up and placed his hands on his desk, leaning over towards her. “You need to be prepared to protect yourself. There are people in this world that think people like you and me are freaks. Do you know what they do to people like us? People are afraid of what they understand and that’s the very thing I want to change about this world. Purge it. If you stick with me and let me help you you’ll come to understand that. You have to trust me though.”

She blinked, not really surprised by his bluntness. She was just trying to process the words along with everything else he was saying. “I’m trying to control it,” she replied softly, looking at the gloves. “I just don’t want to accidentally stab someone with an icicle or freeze them whenever I get nervous or sad or angry.” That was one of her biggest fears. People finding out what she could do. All the what if’s of what could happen to her, of what they’d do to her. She carefully slid off her gloves, tucking them into her bag. “I do trust you,” Elsa said looking back up to Aaric. “But I’m still working on trusting myself.”