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all we ever do is talk !?
abt me..?
lia. she/her. 19. eng/fr/rus. design student. dancer.
my muses. (stanlist) on my mind. (fic recs) lia makes stuff. (graphic design)
will lia write things? who's to say.

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agent!kim sunwoo x agent!fem!reader
6.3k words, enemies 2 implied lovers?, spy au, angst, action, swearing, depictions of violence/blood/weaponry, drinking, UNREALISTIC STANDARDS FOR HOW LONG SOMEONE CAN BLEED OUT T_T, mentions of murder and death, i think that's the bulk of it?
a/n: requests now closed! omg i actually had quite the trouble writing this one đ€§ but i hope it's still enjoyable!! thanks so much @shakalakaboomboo for ur req <3
There was something about the rain tonight that would make the smell of blood even more distinct. The moment you stepped out of the cab, you were hit by a wave of hot, all-consuming heat, accompanied by the insistent drumming of the downpour. The near abandoned streets tonight were doused in the scent of petrichor, and you blinked the water out of your eyes as you made your way toward the entrance of the building of interest.
Just as you had expected, Chanhee had logged your identification into the system, and your card alerted green with no problem. The man standing guard by the scanner passed you a nod. âEvening, Miss.â
You gave a nod back, sweeping your hand through your drenched hair to get it out of your eyes. âGood evening. Is there a bathroom nearby? Iâm kind of new to the building.â
He pointed down the hall, around the corner. âRight that way. Have a good night.â
âThanks, you, too. Stay dry!â You added the last part with a lighthearted smile, coaxing a similar expression from the guard who no doubt had a long night ahead of him. If everything worked out okay, he would still be able to leave alive. If everything worked out perfectly, then everyone could leave this building alive tonight.
You winced to yourself as the soles of your shoes squelched with each step, the shiny marble floors becoming even more shiny as water dripped down to form a trail to the bathroom. You found the ladiesâ washroom right where the man had said it would be and let yourself in.
You saw his reflection before you even saw him. Your heart leapt in your chest, but that slowly came back down to Earth when your brain processed who it was. Eyes narrowed, you went over to the middle stall and enclosed yourself within.
âTook you long enough,â Kim Sunwoo, the bane of your existence, drawled. He stood outside of the stalls, leaning against the sink counter, with his body fully equipped with all the necessary items. He seemed to be fully dry, despite it having rained cats and dogs outside. The suit was dry, his hair was dry. Everything about him was pristine and neat and ready to goâhowdy doo.
You glared at the door as if you were Superman with x-ray vision and laser eyes. There was a garment bag hanging on the back of the stall that you swiftly unzipped to swap out your drenched clothes with. âWhat the fuck are you doing in the womenâs restroom, you perv?â
âWell, the only other person in here is you, so I wouldnât say it was much of a scandal. Itâs just you, after all,â he replied snidely.
You shivered as the air hit your cold, wet skin, and you hobbled into the pair of dress slacks that were given to you. You really hoped that Chanhee hadnât given you a pair of chunky loafers just for âfashionâsâ sake this time. (You appreciated his fashion advice on any other occasion, except when you were on an assignment.) To your relief, they were a simple pair of flats, and you dug out a note in the left shoe with Chanheeâs scrawl: Found the most boring, âpracticalâ pair of shoes in the closet. Youâre welcome.
âDo you ever worry about sounding like an asshole?â You voiced out into the echoey bathroom as you buttoned up your blouse and donned your suit jacket. âOh, wait. I forgot that assholes donât have to worry about sounding like an asshole.â
You could hear his eyes roll from behind the door.
Once you were done, you shoved all your sopping wet clothes into the garment bag and stepped out of the stall to twist your hair up and off your shoulders. Sunwoo eyed you from his little corner. There was a screen propped in one of his gloved hands as he went over the schematics of the building and where the two of you needed to go to retrieve the required target before the auction.
âAre we ready, princess?â He asked sarcastically while you double checked the weapons and tools hidden in certain parts of your clothing. Knives, ammo, lock picks, and a gun.
You ignored his mocking nickname for you. "Do you have the money?" You asked him as you both started making your way to the bathroom door.
"No." He nearly crashed face first into your back from how abruptly you stopped. He frowned. "Can you moveâ?"
You whirled on him. "We can't go to an auction to bid on an item without money," you said, feeling your pulse rise in your neck.
"We can," he huffed, reaching around you to open the door and usher you out, "if we're not there to bid."
"Since when were we not going to bid for it?" Your head went on a swivel, voice low, as you stuck close to Sunwoo on the way over to the private set of elevators further down the hall. It was awfully quiet in the lobby, save for the sounds of your breathing and footsteps.
Sunwoo passed you his device and reached into his jacket pocket to toss you a card on a lanyard. "Since Changmin and I decided it would be easier to just steal the damn thing instead."
Your head raced as you skimmed through the schematics and plans that Sunwoo and Changmin had come up with. These were blueprints of the auction room, neighboring rooms, and vents. Yeah, chunky loafers would not have done you any favors tonight.
But footwear wasn't the problem. The problem was that half the team had gone and decided on a whole new plan without consulting the other half. You jammed your finger against the "up" button to summon the elevator. "Of course, you would go behind my back and just decide this."
He tucked his hands in his pockets, his expression unreadable. "The director already okayed it. Plus, they weren't willing to give us more money than they approved of."
The elevator doors opened, and the both of you stepped inside. Sunwoo reached over and jammed his thumb against floor forty-two.
You leaned your head against the elevator wall, eyes fluttering closed. You would have throttled the director for not approving of more money being put towards this assignment. You thought it would only make sense since the flash drive that was being auctioned off tonight contained such highly sensitive information. It just didn't make sense.
"If we won the auction the right way," Sunwoo suddenly said as you mentally cartwheeled through about a dozen potential scenarios and concerns, "that would simply put a target on our backs for those who want it. Stealing it first would keep our identities low profile."
You had to admit that his words had some reason to them. You watched the numbers on the elevator tick-tock its way up to level forty-two. "So what's the plan, Oh Mighty One?" You asked, inspecting the card on the lanyard around your neck. It had the same identification as the card you'd used to get into the building, but this one had a special seal in the corner that would no doubt be used to get you into the auction itself.
"You're gonna cut the lights, and I'm gonna steal the drive."
Your head whipped toward him. "You're shitting me. I'm not a man-in-the-chair, Sunwoo."
"Never said you were," he said. "It's just too risky to have us both go for it."
Something creeped into your chest and your fingers clenched around your lanyard. "Don't give me that bullshit," you said, having to pull back a full-on snarl. "Just say you have zero faith in me to my face." It was just like the academy all over again. You could hear his taunts egging you on from across the sparring mat, could envision his gaze cutting toward you with every first rank he received. He was good at almost everything, while you had to haul ass to even get to second.
You were so sick of being underestimated.
He considered you for a moment, but you couldn't look him in the eye, choosing instead to stare straight ahead at the steel doors of the elevator. He opened his mouth to say something, but the elevator slowed to a stop and the two of you had to walk out onto the floor.
The two of you fell into step with one another as you made your way down the hall to the large pair of doors at the end. There were two men stationed on either side, dressed in the typical dark suits and earpieces. Attached to their belts, you noted the shotguns hanging there. If you could get closer, you might be able to identify the modelâŠ
"IDs," said the one on the right when you and Sunwoo approached.
You and Sunwoo held your cards face up, and both guards took a device from their back pockets to scan the seals in the corner. When their devices lit up green, they reached for the doors and beckoned you through.
The auction room itself looked cavernous with its wall of floor-to-ceiling windows, ceiling dripping with panels of modern lighting, and pedestals littered about the room like a fancy showroom of expensive black market items. You and Sunwoo stuck together mainly, thankfully not sticking out like a sore thumb thanks to the business smart attire you'd changed into. There were a few people with more luxury branded garments on, but other than that, it seemed Chanhee had hit the dress code right on its nose.
Sunwoo tapped you on the arm with the back of his hand, his fingers subtly marking out the chairs, the second floor railing around the perimeter of the room, and the guarded door by the foot of the stage. "We need a distraction to get in there. Once we get inside, we'll have plenty of time to grab the thingamajig since it's the last on theâ"
"Hold onâthe thingamajig?" Your face screwed up in incredulity.
"Are you judging? Why are you judging?" He asked, plucking twin flutes of champagne off an orbiting waiter's tray. He handed you one. "Drink this. Act natural."
You rolled your eyes and chugged the glass. While you did think Sunwoo was good at a lot of things, alcohol tolerance was one of the few where you came out on top. Right now, you were going to take full advantage of it because that liquid courage was definitely needed. "You say that like I've never done this before, lightweight."
"Oh, shut up."
You and Sunwoo lingered for a moment, pretending to eye the list of auction items being displayed on the flat screen on stage. According to the countdown timer, the two of you only had a few minutes beforeâ
The lights went out.
A gasp fell over the crowd as you placed your empty glass on a nearby table and grabbed Sunwoo by the upper arm. "That wasn't you, was it?" You whispered to him, making your way toward the side of the room where the back door was.
"Yes, because I can control electricity with my mind," he hissed back at you.
"Everyone, please remain calmâ" a man had stepped onto the stage and was attempting to placate everyone in the room. He had his hands held out, an easygoing smile on his face. All of the guards and staff members were holding up emergency flashlights, and a few other guests were beginning to pull out their cellphones.
Yours and Sunwoo's eyes darted from the crowd to the man guarding the back door. To your surprise, you saw the man pause at something in his earpiece, before turning around to enter the door he was guarding.
"Fuck, catch the door," you said to Sunwoo, grabbing the glass out of his hand and shoving him toward the door.
He launched for it, barely shoving his body through the opening before it clicked shit. He grimaced as you caught up to him. "This door is fucking heavy," he said, baring his teeth at you when he noticed you were trying to prevent the champagne from spilling. "Can you put down the damn alcohol, Ln?"
"It might come in handy," you quipped, slipping in through the door behind him.
When the door shut behind you, the hallway was encased in darkness, save for the haunting red EXIT signs above your heads, one at each end of the hallway. You followed Sunwoo's lead since he'd been the one to study the blueprints of this place, your free hand grazing over the pistol hanging from your belt beneath the flap of your suit jacket.
"What the hell happened? That wasn't one of us, was it?" You voiced into the dark.
Sunwoo had whipped out a small flashlight and put the butt in his mouth to hold while he jimmied the opposite door open. "Mm-mm," his answer was muffled, but you knew what he meant. The door fell open a little too easily, and Sunwoo only cocked his head in curiosity for a moment, then he was moving forward.
The hair on the back of your neck stood up when you heard voices echoing from somewhere within this next room. The AC was jacked up to a decently high power here, keeping the room cool and dry for all the items that were supposedly being auctioned. This next room was a labyrinth of shelves, and through them, you could make out the movement of lights slicing through the spaces.
"This feels too easy," you murmured to your partner as the two of you peered through the cracks between shelves.
"Yeah, no kidding," he muttered back. "I think somebody is trying to steal something, too."
"The drive?"
"Could be."
The voices came closer, footsteps shuffling and light swarming through the shelves like visible beams through a thick fog.
You grabbed onto Sunwoo again and yanked his arm over your shoulders. You felt him stiffen. "Act drunk, you idiot," you instructed into his ear, "and when they get close enough, do the thing."
He sent you a look. "The thing? And why do I have to be the drunk one againâ"
"Freeze!"
Both you and Sunwoo's heads shot up as bright lights blinded your vision. You couldn't tell how many there wereâtwo? Three? But you felt Sunwoo relax in your hold as he sunk into the role you'd assigned him.
"I'm so sorry," you lamented, holding up the flute of champagne in your hand. "My friend over here just drank waaay too much at the open bar and started wandering."
The lights were nearing. "How did you two get back here?" Asked the same voice.
"The door was unlocked during the power outage! I am soâ" Your eyes found the circle shapes of the muzzles of handguns being pointed at you and your partner when they had neared enough, "âsorry. We're just a little lost now."
You squeezed Sunwoo's side as you hobbled the two of you closer to the lights like a damsel in distress. "Just point us in the right direction and we'll beâ"
If you didn't know Sunwoo like you did, you probably wouldn't have even registered what just happened. But within the blink of an eye, you felt him leave your grasp, and you tossed the glass of champagne at one of your opponents. "Hey, catch!"
On instinct, the one across from you had to drop something to catch the flying glass of champagne, and unlucky for them, it happened to be their gun. Your foot kicked that sucker like a soccer ball beneath the nearest shelf. You grabbed the champagne out of their handâthanked them for holding itâthen smashed the glass over their head.
Quick and easy, yet your heart was pounding against your chest. What the hell was going on?
When you were finished, you leaned down to pick up the fallen flashlight. Sunwoo was looming over his own opponent with his boot on the man's chest, and he pocketed the spare gun while the flashlight hung from his other hand.
You both looked at each other. "We gotta go."
"I can't believe you made me do the drunk scenario."
"Can you just shut up and focus?"
Navigating the maze of shelving was a lot easier with the flashlights. At least now, both of you could see where you were going without fear of anyone else catching you. But when neither of you found the so-called hard drive you were tasked with retrieving, you were met instead by another door leading out to another unknown location.
Sunwoo dove in headfirst. (Right, he studied the maps. Ugh.) "I have a feeling someone's taken the drive already, so be prepared to shoot."
The next room was a long corridor that sloped downward toward a lone elevator. Creepy.
You scowled. "Like I'm never prepared to shoot?"
His gaze was equally as disgruntled. "Just because you got the highest marks in all of our projectiles classes doesn't mean you'll actually shoot."
That remark was something akin to an arrow to your chest. A muscle feathered in your jaw as he called the elevator up to the floor. "You were the top of class in projectile training; you have a license to kill; and yet, you have zero kills in your stats."
How the� "I don't have to kill to execute my objective. Those aren't assignments I take," you countered, stepping into the elevator when it opened its jaws for you.
Sunwoo crossed his arms over his chest. "Ln, you didn't even take the gun away from the guy earlier. That is protocol."
"I have a gunâ"
"That's not the problem, and you know it." He snarled. He took a step near you, both of your tensions rising, heat boiling between your two gazes, nostrils flared. "Just think about it, huh? How many times could you have made it easier on yourself by shooting your way out of something? You know what I would do to have an aim like yours? It's a fucking gift in this field, Ln. And yet, here you are, too scared to even hold a gunâ"
You stepped into his space, got up in his face. "You know fucking nothing about me, so quit acting like you do," you snarled and forced the tremor out of your voice. Your hand fisted at your side, close to the weapon you were cursed and gifted to always be tied to.
His tongue poked the inside of his cheek and you were so close to him that you could measure the length of his eyelashes. "What in hell happened to you?"
The elevator dinged. You'd arrived.
You pulled away, mentally shaking yourself away from this conversation. "Don't start acting like you care now."
"I don't," he said as you both walked out of the elevator into a massive underground parking structure beneath the building. "I just need to know that I can count on you if we're in trouble."
"You can," you answered. But there was a microscopic break there, and you were certain he'd heard it, too. There was a question in his stareâhe was never as good with guns, but he could fight his way out of a scenario just as well. You were the right choice out of the two of you for anything long range, but the question was if you could still live up to that one-trick reputation.
The underground garage created the perfect echo chamber for loud noises. You and Sunwoo simply followed the audible cacophony coming from further within the garage. Gun rounds were being unloaded without mercy, tire squeals were shut down by no doubt those same gun shots.
You wiped your hand on your pants, sticky from the champagne from earlier, as you and your partner pressed yourselves up against two columns. Just beyond, there was an active shootout taking placeâwhich side had the merchandise, you weren't quite sure of.
Sunwoo signaled to you in a way you recognized from games of capture the flag at the academy. Two fingers swished toward the men behind the cars closest to him, then for you, the ones on your side. Heart hammering against your ribcage, you could only nod, and enclosed your fingers around the handle of the gun in your belt.
You blindly double checked the ammunition loaded up in your firearm, but it was futile since you'd already checked in the bathroom much earlier. It was loaded completely, and very much ready to fire.
You didn't need Sunwoo to signal, because you seemed to know exactly when the other was going to whip around the stone column and take one person out at a time.
Armâone downâa leg, oh, was that a thigh?âbut there went two off your side, as easy as shooting clay pigeons. Instead of a jitteriness filling your nerves, everything seemed to muffle and calm when you had a gun between your fingers. Like second nature, you picked off people (without killing them) before they even realized their mates were gone.
You would nail them in the arm, the shoulder, the butt, the leg, then duck behind the pillar for cover. Guns had become too easy of a game for you.
You barely even noticed that the others on Sunwoo's side started shooting at both of you.
"Fuck," you heard your counterpart curse as he pressed himself against the column.
The two of you connected gazes, and he didn't even have to ask before you were pulling down the hammer again and taking aimâ
"LNâYN! BEHIND YOU!"
Your heart lurched into your throat, and you dove.
A line of bullets buried themselves into the concrete where your head had been, and you winced, feeling the burn of concrete through your clothes.
You rolled behind the nearest car, swearing as you clambered to your knees for cover. Somebody had set up a few cars behind you, ready to take you out with an automatic rifle.
"Sunwoo, you need to cover me," you shouted at him, glancing over your shoulder for his visual confirmation.
He gave a firm nod, already leaping into hand-to-hand action and ditching his gun for his more trustworthy melee weapons instead.
Through the windows of the car, you could just make out movement of the gunman. You crawled over to the other side of the car, tracking the feet and legs you could see beneath the vehicles. You reloaded your pistol, smacking the magazine into place, then pressing the hammer down.
Shots suddenly rained down on you, and you pressed yourself further to the ground.
"Come on, come on," you urged, "reload already."
And when you heard that beautiful sound of silence, you yanked yourself to your feet, pointed the barrel through the window, and shot. You heard the curse, and it was enough for you to whip over the back of the car and smack the butt of your gun into their head. The gunman went crashing to the concrete; you tucked your pistol away and picked up the automatic.
The heft of the gun was an old friendâit sank over you in cold realization⊠how much damage you could do with this.
With pursed lips, you emptied out the gun and kicked it under the car.
You rushed to line up a shot with your pistol to help Sunwoo who was juggling a fight against two others.
He didn't need that much help, but there was the glint of a knife, and you didn't even blink. The bullet buried itself in one of their shoulders, and Sunwoo elbowed him off his back, shoving the other's face into the car in front of him. He yanked his opponent's hair back and smashed their head into the metal again.
"You got it?" You asked him, sliding over the hoods of cars to get back.
He knew what you meant. Blood ran down his nose and there was a purplish cut on his lip. Sweat dripped down the side of his face as he dumped the now unconscious foe to the concrete. "Yeah, it went flying somewhere over there," he inclined his head down a row of cars, and you gave a nod.
The two of you jogged over in the direction Sunwoo asserted and began looking for the discarded drive.
You straightened after ducking beneath a car, but your eyes caught a flash of someoneâyour instincts lurched.
"Fuck, Sunwooâ!" You had the time to shove him out of the way as the rounds went flying past your heads and you tackled him.
Something pierced into the skin of your shoulder though, and you felt the bullet rip through your clothes and flay your skin as it passed. Your hand slapped over your arm as you fellz Sunwoo's stabilizing you. "Shit, Ln," he said, grasping your good side.
"It's the guy from earlier," you groaned, feeling the blood begin to pool.
"Huh? What guyâ"
"The one I didn't take the gun from in the hall." The regret poured into you as swiftly as your blood flowed out of you. "I'll cover youâjust find the damn thing."
He sent you a look, but nodded. "Okay."
You were lucky you hadn't been nicked in your good arm, you thought, as you clambered to your knees and peered over the edge of the car.
There he was, the man you'd smashed over the head with a glass. His forehead was bleeding profusely, but he still stumbled toward you, cocking his gun and firing. You ducked, crouching around the car to get to the other side. Mind racing for strategies, you thought you could easily take him down one limb at a time like the others.
All thoughts went flying out the window though when the man started barreling toward you, teeth bared, like a bull seeing red. You yelped as a bullet pelted the ground an inch from your hand. You ducked behind the car, ignoring the pain in your shoulder to palm your gun and aim.
You heard it hit its target.
But he just kept running.
"Are you serious?" You cursed, then regretting it immediately when he threw himself across the hood of the car to knock you down.
You cried out as your head hit the car behind you, the pain stabbing white in your vision. Adrenaline and fear pumped through you as you fought to keep his hands away from your neck. You even found where your bullet had lodged itself and pressed on it.
He grunted at the feeling, nearly twisting your arm off for that. You were trying, trying, trying.
His gun was gone; it didn't matter. You weren't good at hand to hand.
And your grip on his thick fucking wrists slipped. His hands were around your throat. You couldn't breatheâyou thrashed around, smashed your gun against his face. He swept your efforts away, determination pressing his thumbs into the hollowâ
BANG!
You saw the life drain out of his eyes. He fell over you, blood and a smoking gun sandwiched between your bodies.
Oxygen rushed into your lungs and you coughed. The realization hit you, a hammer striking against the percussion cap.
You just killed this man. You just shot him, point blank.
Oh godâyou heaved his limp body off you, his blood staining your clothing, and you felt like Lady Macbeth, scrambling over blood that would not wash away.
"Yn!" Sunwoo's voice.
You wrestled to your hands and knees. "It's not my blood," you coughed, dry gagging at the sight of the pale body, rigid from rigor mortis.
Your mind was everywhere. Another one dead. What if he had a family? What if what if what ifâ?
"Ln, come on, you're alive. You can do it."
You were on your feet. There was a ringing in your ears from when your head smashed against the car.
Sunwoo ran over to you and threw your good arm over his shoulder to get you to the car he had broken into. "There you go. Hey, I got the drive. How 'bout that?" He wiggled a slim, black tabâthe thing that had caused all of tonight's trouble.
You shook out the orbs dancing in your vision. How hard had your head been struck? "It still feels too easy."
"Don't say that," he groaned. "I just wanna get out of this place."
You really shouldn't have spoken so soon.
You heard the shot before you felt it; then the next one, then the next.
Sunwoo twisted around to shoot three rounds himself, silencing one of the people who had gotten the strength to pull himself up for one last try.
All breath left your throat as your hand reached for your lower abdomen. One of the bullets had gone through, piercing the side of your stomach. It had gone all the way through, back to front, the bullet lodged in the metal of the car in front of you.
You couldn't even see which blood stain was yours.
"Nonononono," Sunwoo chanted as your knees buckled and you started slipping to the ground. "YnâYn, stay with me," he urged, laying you gently on the ground.
The pain twisted itself until your eyes watered. You thought you tasted blood in your mouth. "Should've shot them dead like you said," you managed to say.
Sunwoo leaned over you, panic wide in his dark eyes as he held your face between his palms. "Yn, honey, you need to stay with me." He pressed his hands over the wounds opening and you screamed, the sound grating against his ears. He knew it hurtâgod, he knew, but he needed to stop the bleeding somehow. Oh fuck.
"I'm sorry I screwed up so many times," you grunted to him. You tasted the iron coating your throat and suppressed the urge to cough it all out. You could barely think with the fucking hole in your stomach, but all you knew was that if he wasn't quick, the shot could be fatal.
"I'm gonna get you out of here." You could hear the resolve in his voice, but the shaky undertone, too. You'd never heard his voice shake before. "Don't apologize." Not until I get you out alive.
He scooped you up and you screwed your face up in agony. Your chest rose and fell rapidly, your teeth clamping down on your tongue to muffle the screams. There was blood in your mouth.
It hurt. Fucking hell, it hurt.
He went through the motions of wrestling the car door open, laying you in the passenger seat, trying to find something to staunch the bleeding on both sides.
The whole time, you kept your eyes on his face, trying to ingrain his features in your memory. The blood from his nose had partly dried, but the cut on his lips made his bottom one even poutier.
You'd never seen him so worried, or scared, with the crease between his brows. You wanted to reach up and rub it away.
"Hey," you rasped, catching his wild eyes. "Stop fussing over me and drive."
He clicked his tongue, eyes darting between your face and the knot he was tying with the jacket he found in the backseat. "Yah," he said half-heartedly, "don't tell me what to do."
He passed you another glance before shutting your door and running for the driver's seat.
As soon as Sunwoo collapsed into his side of the car, the elevator, from which you'd come, slid open. A flood of guards in armor and equipped with automatic weapons flooded out in a tidal wave. You both swore a colorful line of words.
"Drive, drive, driveâ!" You urged, breaking out into coughs, then doubling over when the motion only intensified the bullet wound.
"What do you think I'm doing, woman!" He yelled and the tires squealed as he pulled out of the parking spot to make a mad dash for the exit.
Bullets fired at the car, lodging themselves in the metal and cracking the back windshield. You heard the glass shatter, and you reached for your gun to try and knock some of them off.
Sunwoo shoved your hand down. "Oh, no you don't. Save your energy, hot stuff."
It wasn't until he had navigated you both away safely from harm's way that you really let everything soak into your head. Your blood marinated the car seat beneath you, and you could feel your energy being siphoned toward the gaping hole in your stomach. Reality dawned on you faster and faster.
Did you fear death?
The streets were empty; it was still raining. You were right about the hot rainâit made the blood scent bolder.
Sunwoo made a turn onto a street, and another, to take any lingering tails off.
"I killed someone tonight," you voiced out into the quiet car amongst the humdrum of rain. It drizzled in through the shattered back windshield and onto the backseat.
"It's okay, Yn," he said quietly. "You had to."
You paused, swallowing. You inhaled sharply and you swore you were starting to get used to the throbbing all over your body. "You⊠you were right."
"You don't have to do that. Save your enâ"
"No," you said with more force. His mouth snapped shut. "I justâ" your eyes drifted closed for a moment, "âI just wanted to get this off my chest."
When he remained quiet to give you the space to speak, you told him, "What you said in the elevator was right⊠I uhm, I feel like a coward when I can't stomach a headshot anymore. I just⊠Sunwoo, I hate who, or what, I become when I have a gun in my hands."
You felt him glance over at you. "You're not a monster, if you think that's what you are," he murmured. You felt his hand cover yours where you were holding your injury.
"I've hurt a lot of people," you admitted, eyes staring out the front windshield. "The organization told me to pull the trigger, and I did. Even in the academy, I never felt good enough unless I was hitting a target." It had become a momentary triumph only, until every hit made you sink deeper and deeper into guilt. You had been tearing yourself apart at the seams, and you could remember those moments, seeing the fallen with people who cared about them rushing to their side.
The twisting in your stomach suddenly didn't feel like it was from the gunshot.
"Your recordâ"
"My record is doctored," you said blankly. "They wiped it when I gave up being a sniper."
He meditated on that for a moment, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip. He winced when he was reminded of the injury there. "I know that I was and have beenânot the greatest toward youâand... I'm sorry. I think some part of me just thought it would catch your attentionâwhich is no excuseâbutâŠ" His finger tapped on the steering wheel in time with his blinker. "I always thought that you would go far regardless. I thought you'd be recruited as a sniper for the high profile shit."
A smile curled at the corner of your lips. "Yeah?"
He nodded, his own lips pressed together. "Yeah. The best, y'know? And I thought⊠at least as a sniper, you won't be in the line of fire."
Your chest throbbed. "I still got shot, too, though."
"Yeah, butâŠ" He turned into a barren residential street, no doubt toward the safe house nearby. "They wouldn't be shooting at you, I guess. I dunno. That's what I was telling myself, anyway."
You shifted your head slightly to peer over at him. There was a sincerity to his words that you had almost never remembered hearing out of his mouth. You believed himâyou believed that he cared. "Thinking about me in your free time, Kim?"
"You wish," he joked, but it was a weaker comeback.
The house he pulled up to was at the end of a cul-de-sac. It was the standard, cookie cutter suburban house, with its front lawn trimmed and windows dark and lifeless. Sunwoo carefully drove the car into the empty garage for privacy, then ran over to your side to help you out.
You could feel yourself falling out of consciousness with all the blood loss.
Your head was drooping as he picked you up in his arms again. The crease between his brows made a reappearance and with your last bit of strength, you reached up to gently rub it away with your thumb. "Hey⊠I'm gonna be okay," you whispered to him in the dark and quiet of the garage.
He swallowed, peering down at you. "You better be," he said. "Who's gonna have my back then?"
You smiled since you couldn't laugh. Maybe the blood loss was making you loopy (probably), but you swore he smiled just a teensy bit.
He managed to get you on the couch, and you whimpered at the surface beneath you. He disappeared for a moment, but when he returned, it was with a first aid kit and a phone. "I called headquarters; they'll be here in five," he murmured, kneeling next to you and beginning to peel off the blood coated fabrics.
You hissed, body squirming with whatever energy you had left. "I can't believe I'm still alive."
He huffed and gently applied pressure to the wound with gauze. "The only one who gets to kill you is me. Remember that."
"Yeah, yeah," you panted. "Sew me up or something."
"It's gonna hurt. Wanna hold my hand?"
Your eyes met his. "You're ridiculous." But somehow, he managed to make your heart lurch. Even bleeding out and halfway dead, he could make your heart rate spike.
He gave a shrug as he threaded the needle and you held onto the gauze for the moment. "You know what they sayâŠ" his voice softened when you both heard a familiar voice announcing his presence from the front doorâChangmin. Backup was here. "Enemies make the best lovers, do they not?"
"Did it take me almost dying for you to think of that one?"
Changmin rushed in with a full kit in his hands and practically shoved Sunwoo out of the way. You bit on your tongue as the newcomer inspected your wound.
Sunwoo leaned over the edge of the couch and grappled at your hand, his other brushing the sweaty hair out of your face. "We're not done with this conversation, okay? You better not die on me."
You squeezed his hand when Changmin began stitching you up. "Wouldn't dream of it."
tbz m.list
permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @tinkerbell460 @kaaimins @hyunjaespresent-deobi @otterly-fey @zzoguri @floatingpluto @winterchimez @ethereal-engene @gyulfriend @polarisjisung @jaehunnyy @shakalakaboomboo @loveliestfelix @bless-311 @zhaixiaowen @leaz-kpop-life @amourdsr @pxppxrminty @kqyutie @sseastar-main @kxthleen14 @fluorescentloves @mosviqu @justalildumpling @jaerisdiction @super-btstrash-posts @jundundun @http-gyu @mvvnsseul @outrologist @vernonburger @maessseongs @kflixnet @ericlvr
i think abt this one a lot too. and im a sucker for a tender injury trope at the end like Yeah.
đđđđđđđđđđđđ â part two
nonidol!ji changmin x f!reader
messing around with demonic rituals isn't exactly how you imagined getting bound to changmin's soul. (note to self: salt circles don't work when you draw the pentagram inside it...)
â· genre, warnings. f2l, technically a college au, demon au (it's different from night terrors i swear. also it's not as intense lol), comedy, suspense/mystery, swearing (a lot... sorry đ), drinking, low fantasy/supernatural elements, mentions of chronic illness, mentions of rituals and pentagrams, self induced soulmates? đ€ but ofc đ, kissing, mentions of blood, very small amount of violence (like one scene), what is a mfking slow burn like who needs to take their time w falling in love i sure don't đ€·đ»ââïž, one allusion to death
â· part word count. 18.5k out of 34.8k / read part one here
a/n: HI IF UR STILL HERE THEN YAY đ PLS DONT READ THIS WITHOUT HAVING READ THE FIRST PART. ALSO, ENJOY!
PART IV: THE SPELL
THERE WERE ONLY SO many ways to make a boy squirm. On top of that, there were only so many ways to make a demon boy squirm. Halfling status was of no consequence to certain observations of patterns involving the laws of attraction.
Case in point: Ji Changmin's dilemma.
âYou look a little lost, man,â Hyunjae chortled into his friend's ear to bypass the bone-rattling volume of the house music.
Shuhua's friend Yangyang had thrown quite the rager in his shared house with his roommates. There was probably about a hundred people shoved into the first floor of the house, with some littered across the lawn outside and the backyard, too. The five of you had arrived as a unit and donated a few cases of beer to help the hosts out, but proceeded to grab your own drinks, disperse, and mingle.
Changmin coughed as he blinked furiously out of whatever daze he'd been in. His neck and ears had turned a brilliant shade of vermilion, but the dim lighting was his savior tonight. Oh, to have the shadows on one's side. âWhat?â he stammered.
Hyunjae's smile widened at his flustered reaction. âI'm sure Yn can introduce you to whoever her friend is.â
The roaring in Changmin's ears dulled considerably. âWhat?â he repeated, but this time, the word had an upward intonation at the end. Now he was confused.
He glanced back to where you were standing further into the living room. Who?
Oh.
Changmin hadn't even noticed you'd been talking to another person. His focus had been⊠elsewhere. Not that said focus was anywhere inappropriate in the name of Friendshipâof course, the burn in his throat was the alcohol and the tightness in his chest was the soul-bond. That was all. He hadn't been considering the dress hugging your figure or the way your smile brightened your faceâno, really it was the entire fucking room. He didn't want to linger on the thought of that torturous car ride over either, with his body pressed against your side and your perfume so sweet in his lungs. Was it possible to replace the very air he breathed with it?
Essentially: he was not faring well tonight. What had gotten into him? He'd attended plenty of parties with you before, and he hadn't been this strung up before.
Or maybe he had⊠he wasn't so sure of a lot of things at this moment. He wasn't supposed to be able to get tipsy on this human alcohol.
Only a week had passed since the soul bond was forged between you and him, too. Though he knew it was supposed to be an emotional and metaphysical link, he was certain it had nothing to do in terms of creating things that were never there in the first place.
Hyunjae grinned at him and slung an arm around his shoulders. âCome on! We should go introduce ourselves.â
For a moment, Changmin cringed at the thought of him appearing beside you with all the swagger he knew he lacked. He took a deep inhale and glanced back over at you⊠something in his mind flipped like a switch. âYou know what? Sounds like a plan,â he said to Hyunjae, plastering a typical dimpled smile on his face.
The two of them maneuvered their way over to your position. As he gained proximity, the tightening in his chest gradually loosened, a rope slackening. Despite the loosening, it didn't mean the weight had gone away. The weight filled him with something comforting like his heart and lungs weren't alone in his ribcage.
He kept his eyes glued to you as he and Hyunjae neared.
You must have felt his gaze because you turned around to meet his eyes soon enough. There was a dilation in those pretty eyes and a smile that reached them.
âWhat have you been up to?â Changmin shouted to you over the music as he sidled up beside you. Your shoulders brushed against one another and he fought the urge to pull your form to his.
âNothing much,â you chirped back, sharing his grin. You gestured to your talking companion. âThis is Leona, by the way! She's a friend of Indigo's.â
Changmin finally pulled his eyes away from you. Leona, as you had introduced, was not someone he recognized. He didn't know many of Indigo's friends, but she smiled at him widely. âNice to meet you!â she said.
âNice to meet you, too. I'm Changmin,â he nodded back.
âAnd I'm Hyunjae,â his friend chimed in, raising a hand in greeting. âDid you come with Indigo then?â
Leona nodded her head. âI did! She went to go find Juyeon, so I'm not sure where they are now, but Yn found me wandering and we've been chatting since.â She flicked her attention back over to Changmin, and he cocked his head at the sight of something peculiar. He could have sworn there was a flash of electric blue in her eyes.
âAre you a student here?â he asked. He couldn't have imagined the blue, could he? But if she was a friend of Indigo's, then there was a good chance he hadn't.
âNo, I'm from out east by Blue Brook,â she said, shaking her head. âI'm just in town for a couple of days visiting with my, uh, sisters.â
No, Changmin was certain now. Leona was a member of Indigo's coven. Blue Brook was where Indigo was from, and it was well-known amongst the supernatural community in this state as a witch's county. There were probably a dozen or so covens in that one area, but Indigo's was one of the largest. And if Leona was a witch, that meantâŠ
Leona arched her brows at him expectantly. Demon? she mouthed.
Changmin stiffened beside you, and your head whipped over to him when you read her lips, too.
You swiftly turned to Hyunjae. âHey! I'd love a drink, Jae. Let's go get one!â
Hyunjae's eyes widened as you snatched up his wrist and started hauling him in the direction of the kitchen. âWhaâhello? Bye, I guess?â he laughed in disbelief, sending a wink at Changmin through it.
Changmin pressed his lips together. He knew why you had taken Hyunjae away, but that didn't mean he liked it. Should it not be his wrist you were holding?
âShe knows?â Leona's voice tore him out of whatever jealous stupor he was in. That cloud had returned to his head, the tightening to his chest.
He held his hand to his brow. âYes,â he sighed. âIs there a reason you needed to make it so obvious?â
She shrugged innocently. âHe didn't notice.â
âHe could've.â
Leona wrinkled her nose at him. âOh, loosen up. I forget that folks outside of heavily concentrated paranormal centers are so uptight about their identities. It's your heritage, for goddess's sake.â
âYou mean you forget that you're privileged enough to live in a highly concentrated paranormal area,â he nearly snarled back at her. Adrenaline rushed into his veins with an uncontrollable velocity and bite. He wouldn't have gotten so worked up about this normally, but he already accepted that tonight was likely going to be filled with the irregular. âIf you said it even louder than a whisper, that could've put you, me, and her in danger.â
Especially with some lunatic running around targeting demons with energy-draining curses, he couldn't be too safe.
The witch made a face. âI guess I know why Indigo's no fun now, too. No wonder you're friendsâŠâ Her voice trailed off as her eyes found someone behind Changmin.
Changmin peered back over his shoulder and locked eyes with a familiar face in the crowd. Indigo's dark eyes widened considerably at the sight of him before she began shoving her way through partygoers to reach him. He raised his arm up like a flag to signal where he floated in the ocean of people.
The crowd quite literally spit the poor thing out and she had to grapple onto his arm. âWhere'd she go?â she exhaled out, head on a swivel.
âShe's rightââ Not hereâŠ? The place where Leona had been right beside him was vacated, as if she hadn't been there at all. Why did she run from Indigo?
âChangmin.â There was a desperate strain behind Indigo's voice as she wrestled his collar with her hands and dragged him down to look her right in the eyes to ensure he was listening. âLeona has been releasing empitachynsia synthios in the party. I don't know exactly where, but I found one broken flask of it on the second floor with Juyo.â
Empitachynsia synthios? In the Old Language most covens grew up learning, that term translated directly to âacceleration of emotion.â Based on the vague knowledge Changmin boasted on potions, empitachynsia synthios was a potent liquid that turned into vapor when exposed to oxygen, affecting those who inhaled it by escalating their emotions to alarming proportions.
Changmin's eyes went as big as Indigo's. âShe fucking drugged the party with an airborne stimulant?â
âJust the second floor,â Indigo corrected with a grimace, but she released the vice grip on his shirt collar. âI managed to convince Juyeon that it was someone's dropped perfume bottle, but I left him with Lee Minho on the porch to clear his airways.â
Changmin's head swam. Lee Minhoâblack cat spiritâokay, then Juyeon was fine. He dragged his hands through his hair with a groan. âHell, if I had known, I wouldn't have turned away from her like that. Sorry, Indigo.â
âNo, no, it's my fault for letting her come at all,â she dismissed with an anxious flick of her wrist, then flexed her fingers to crack her knuckles. âShe's been acting strangely for the past few days and I should have taken it more seriously, but I thought it was because she needed to relax a bit.â
He exhaled through his nose and braced his hands onto his waist. âYeah, she's got a loose mouth though, that's for sure.â
âGood goddess, what'd she say?â
âLet's just say that Hyunjae could've found out who I am.â
Indigo's face ashened to a horrified shade. âShit. I'm so sorry about her. This is turning out to be more and more of a disaster.â
You can say that again, Changmin thought, but he wasnât about to put the blame on Indigo for something that was her coven sisterâs doing. Though, he couldnât imagine what manner of thought convinced Leona to release such a strong, and potentially dangerous, potion into a house full of young adults. It didnât matter that some were horny or hammeredâall that mattered was that there would be consequences to this, and it wouldnât even be their faults.
Indigo recruited his help to locate the runaway witch and Changmin was swift to agree. There were only so many places in this house that Leona could have run off to, but the problem was the amount of people here.
As he and Indigo hunted, he couldnât help but linger upon the effects of empitachynsia synthios that he was aware aboutâits presence in the air must have been the reason for his own unrestrained thoughts earlier, both in regards to you and Leona. He convinced himself that that was the reason, not the bond or any feelings of his, but the artificial intensification of whatever miniscule feelings that lingered. The potion could not work from nothingâthat wasnât how magic workedâbut he could stomach confessing to a little bit of the feelings from earlier.
This, however, should have not been his main concern. If he had even gotten a little bit of the potion in his system, then what about you? Were you feeling alright? Were Hyunjae and Shuhua unaffected? Hyunjae hadnât acted differently from his usual self; he hadnât had much to drink eitherâthat applied to you, too.
Changmin could only come to a shaky conclusion that even if all of you had inhaled a drop of empitachynsia synthios, the dose was not strong enough to have any noticeable effect on your emotions.
It was some divine fortune or providence that, not even ten minutes later, Indigo reported that one of her friends had gotten a hold of Leona in one of the rooms upstairs. With all of the panic that had plagued the two of them, Changmin and Indigo agreed to take their separate ways for the night and to be grateful for a swiftly concluded catastrophe.
The remaining adrenaline left in his system fueled him in his search for you and Hyunjae, wherever the two of you had ended up. The bond had squeezed his chest cavity all throughout the past ten minutes when he was away. His senses led him toward the kitchen, whose crowd was hardly any better than out in the living room. He couldnât quite differentiate the pounding of blood in his ears from the heavy bass in the house speakers; he could hardly hear himself think. But his eyes found yours and Hyunjaeâs forms squished together in one corner of the kitchen, and there was no need for him to think anymore.
Hyunjae noticed Changmin first and tore his attention away from his phone where both you and he had been hunched over watching clips of cats on Instagram. âHey, done so soon?â he posed the question with a teasing lilt in his voice.
The teasing, though no fault of Hyunjaeâs, made Changminâs eye twitch. Even the suspicion that Changmin was interested in Leona left him with a sour tongue and clenched throat. âIndigo came by,â he said with little inflection to signal the end to that conversation. He inclined his chin to you, who had yet to raise your head. âOy, Yââ
Your head lolled slightly onto Hyunjaeâs conveniently-located shoulder, and the shift in angle revealed to your two friends that you had, in fact, fallen asleep.
Changmin and Hyunjae shared a fond laugh between themselves, glancing at one another in silent agreement. The former quickly pulled out his phone to snap a picture of you unawares, saving it to the group photo album of drunk mishaps.
âHow much did she drink?â Changmin lowered his voice, even if the music didnât give a shit whether you were asleep or not.
Hyunjae screwed up his face into something like unserious exasperation. âI dunno what she was thinking, man. We were talking and she drank waaay too much of the flavored soju. You know how that stuff tastes and goes down like juice.â
Changmin bobbed his hand knowingly. âI think Iâm done for the night, to be honest,â he sighed, raking a hand through his hair. âI can take Yn home. Have you seen Shuhua around?â
âJust a few minutes ago.â Hyunjae slipped his phone into his pocket and carefully swapped places with Changmin. âShe came by with Yuqi to get refills of some cocktail and said that a few of them were playing Speed downstairs. Iâll probably go join them. Have you seen Juyeon?â
The weight of your head settled comfortably into the crook of Changminâs shoulder, and he couldnât help but gently ghost his fingers over your nose to brush the hair out of your eyes. âHuh? Oh yeah, heâs with Indigo and Lee Minho.â
Hyunjae stared between you and Changmin for a pregnant second, but nodded afterward. âGot it. Well, get home safe, man.â
Changmin clasped his free hand with Hyunjaeâs. âSame to you.â
When it was only you and Changmin, your living and breathing pillow considered his current position. He did intend on escorting you homeâyou grew drowsy when you drank a little too much, and as Hyunjae asserted, it was the flavored sojuâs fault; but he was loath to wake you from such a peaceful-looking nap. He twisted his head in a way to peer down at your face, your cheek squished against the muscle of his shoulder and your lip gloss leaving a shiny smudge on his shirt sleeve.
He exhaled a careful breath, then gently gave your shoulder a shake. âRise ânâ shine,â he sang. The grin on his face was remarkably large and unsuppressable as you stirred with a small whine.
âThereâs a new picture in the drunk folder, isnât there?â You glowered while lifting your head up and blinking to adjust your vision. You squinted your eyes at him. âYouâre not Hyunjae.â
âIs that so disappointing?â He hoped his voice didnât betray the miniscule shard of bitterness that just pricked his chest. He reached over and helped you with an errant strand of hair; there was no need for him to sulk when he was the one with you now. (Hell, did he think like this all the time or was the potion still in his system?)
You still couldnât open your eyes much and you yawned. âNo, of course not. What time is it?â
âItâs nearly half past midnight.â
âNot bad,â you said. You yawned again, gingerly dabbing at the corners of your eyes when they began to mist. âI think I drank more than I planned to.â
Changmin chuckled, âYeah, I figured. CâmonâIâll take you home.â
The pair of you departed out through a side door in the kitchen, a rather convenient exit that helped you evade wading through the living room crowd to get to the front door. The alleyway on the side of the house was illuminated only by a single light above the kitchen door to accompany the trash bins.
You stumbled alongside Changmin with your wits not having returned yet.
His hand bumped against yours. âCan you walk?â he laughed, glancing over at you.
âIf I said no, would you carry me?â
Perchance his pulse jumped. âSure.â
There was nothing, to him in that moment, more lovely than the way you lit up like the fucking sun. Even the shadows in the alley washed away briefly in awe of your elationâan elation he elicited. âReally?â
His cheeks dimpled and a laugh, breathy but giddy, tumbled out of his mouth. âYeah. Hop on.â
Thus, Changmin found himself strolling along a deserted sidewalk with your legs wrapped around his waist and your arms draped loosely over his shoulders. You had your head tucked into the warmth of his neck as you focused on trying to arrange an Uber to come pick the two of you up at the nearest 7-Eleven; Changmin fought every instinct in him to be still, including his heartbeat. There would be no hiding, even if you were drunk and less observant. Something about your weight on his back eased the ache in his chest at the front.
The night had a bearable chill to it. He rather enjoyed the silence encapsulating you and him, and the shadows clinging to his heels as if they were his guardian. Every so often, he would step into the glow of an amber circle of light and watch your entwined silhouettes cascade across the sidewalk.
âHowâs the Uber situation coming along, sweetheart?â
He held his breath until you answered. âAlmost,â you murmured in a small voice, focused. The white light of your phone screen streamed up the underside of his jawline from where you held it and also clung to him. âDone!â
He smiled and refrained from turning his head; that would be a dangerous thing to do with your mouth quite literally against his throat. âGood job. When will they be there?â
âI scheduled it for 1:30,â you replied matter-of-factly. You turned your phone off to ease the light shining up into his face, and settled your head against his shoulder in a more comfortable position. âMinnie?â
Ba-bump. âYeah, Yn.â
âI remember why I drank more than I intended to earlier.â At his quiet prompting, you continued, âHyunjae was asking about you. It was⊠he was kind of skirting around it, but he was kind of saying that weâve been acting weird lately. He mentioned something about you and LeonaâI think he saw that she mouthed the word âdemonâ to you. So I got a little worried and thought if I got a bit tipsy, heâd change the subject.â
Changminâs steps faltered, but he recovered neatly. A lump seemed to have lodged itself in his throat and it was no longer because he could feel your breath against his pulse. âIs that right,â he muttered, clearing his throat uncomfortably. He had been so careful, too, and all it took was one, little word to shatter his efforts. âThanks for getting drunk then,â he jested in an effort to lighten his own mood.
âMaybe he doesnât actually know,â you said to him quietly. âIt took you at least two tries to get me to believe you, and Hyunjaeâs more of a skeptic than I am.â
But Changmin simply couldnât be too sure. Of course, what you said held ground, but paranoia was often a pebble in his shoe. âDonât⊠donât worry too much about it, okay? Iâll figure it out as we go.â
âIâm here for you, too.â You lifted one of your hands to give his head a pat. âWell, Iâve always been here for you, but now that I know your secret, you donât have to hold onto it alone.â
He couldnât fathom how mere words could warm him from the inside out as if you had taken a handful of whatever sunshine you radiated and placed it in his core. When you had asked him that day why supernaturals were forced to hide their identities from humans, he didnât linger on the idea of his words sticking with you. He supposed he had underestimated you in that wayâyou were his friend, and you cared about him as much as he cared about you. Of course you would take those words to heart.
And perhaps that was what eased his anxieties about Hyunjae for the time being. He and Hyunjae were as good of friends as you and him; giving him the benefit of the doubt was what felt right.
âThank you. I appreciate that.â
You hummed. âIâll protect you, Minnie. Hyunjaeâwell, I guess it should be Leona, huh? Leona can catch my hands.â
Changminâs joyful laugh echoed against the nearby houses. âOh, youâre too cute.â
He felt your sigh even more than he heard it. âYouâre always laughing at me,â you sulked. âIâm trying to be sincere here. Hey, that rhymed.â
âOkay, okay. Iâm sorry.â He was not super sorry; the grin wouldn't leave his face. âThank you, Yn. Really.â
By the time you and Changmin raided the 7-Eleven, caught your Uber, and returned to your apartment complex, it was swiftly approaching two in the morning. Your knees no longer wobbled like those of a newborn giraffe, so you walked beside Changmin to your apartment unit. The hallway, alight with its typical blinding fluorescents, was appropriately deserted and effectively made even the smallest of whispers ricochet like the acoustics in an arena.
Changmin had walked this path to your apartment door dozens upon dozens of times before, and though the scenery and the smell hadnât changed a bit, the feeling that nestled itself into the very fibers of his being had. The ache in his chest, the inconsistent thrumming of his heartbeat, and his headspace had all changed.
Your keys rattled with a tinny sound as you isolated your apartment key from the others. You shoved the carved metal inside the locking mechanism, then sent him a sidelong glance. âWanna come in for a bit?â
His mouth went dry and it was difficult to pull his lips into the shape of the words that he didnât want to say. âYou should sleep. We should both get some sleep.â
He liked to think he imagined the slow blink of your eyes and the way your eyelashes brushed over the fleeting disappointment in them. âYouâre right,â you sighed good-naturedly. You tucked your bottom lip between your teeth as a thought occurred to you. âI do have to be up in a few hours; I almost forgot.â
âWhyâs that?â he chuckled, and the image of your feet propped up on your desk as you finished a last minute reading for one of your classes painted itself in his mindâs eye.
âAh, uhm, Chanâs driving me up to see my parents and his sister.â As soon as the words left your mouth, you wished you could reel them back into your throat.
Changminâs expression shuddered as the carefully constructed bubble that had formed around his reality tonight burst. The brightness of the hallway lights were suddenly stifling, and he feared what exactly lurked behind its artifice. It reminded him so starkly of your childhood friendâthe cordial and warmth he put on as a show a stark contrast to a foreign murkiness that lurked below the surface of the water. There were only so many ways to make Ji Changmin squirm.
He managed a smile to reassure you. You didnât have to censor yourself on his account, and he wished to know how you filled your days anyway. âOh, thatâs cool of him. Hope you guys have a nice trip home tomorrow,â he said, then brought his arm around your shoulders to bring you into a partial hug before he could talk himself out of it.
You reciprocated the action, but with both of your arms, slotting your bodies against one another so you were two hearts and one body for a second. âThanks,â you murmured into his shirt. âAnd thanks for taking care of me. I should be the one taking care of you.â
Changmin pressed his cheek to the side of your head, his arms locking around your waist. The hidden implications behind your words werenât lost on him, which was why he had told you that he would be good about the soul-bonding thing; about taking care of himself, so that you werenât forced to in the name of your own privacy and safety.
He was the hazard out of the two of you, after all.
âYou do,â he assured you. âYou do take care of me.â By continuing to be normal with him, by continuing to treat him as you had always done, he could rest easy at night knowing that he still had a place in your life despite being who he was.
Love was felt in his chest where you belongedâyou had made the bones of his ribcage your home, kept his lungs from collapsing, and rested your head against his heart at night. The bond had inadvertently made him two halves of a whole, and he could no longer bear to be without the other half.
There was too much negative space, you thought, as you laid in bed that night (morning). The ceiling was a rather interesting thing to look at with its imperfect, popcorned edges and the dark masses lying in the bottom of the lights, the dead carcasses of foolish insects who couldnât help themselves.
In particular, there was a distinct lack of someone else. It was strange how fast anotherâs presence could grow on you, but how could that be when the two of you had already been friends for a couple years? When had spending time with Changmin become essential to easing an unseen ache in your chest?
When you were in the 7-Eleven earlier tonight, Changmin had filled you in on what had really happened at the house party. The idea of a witch being in your midst, releasing a perfumed potion that could escalate someoneâs emotions was a frightening prospect. How many other times had you been in similar situations and none the wiser?
And if that potion had worked its way into your system or Hyunjaeâs or Juyeonâs or Shuhuaâs, then how did it affect Changmin?
A mental image flashed in your head. The first time one possessed anotherâs body would almost always feel akin to a dream. You were looking at yourself from an outside perspective at the party, your head tucked toward your chest as you slouched over Hyunjaeâs shoulder. The body you were seeing through had laughed with himâsubconsciously, you knew, exactly which laugh belonged to whom. But when he had pulled out his phone to snap a picture, that was the moment it came together.
When you woke up on Changminâs shoulder at the party, you couldnât be too sure that it was a dream; it had felt too real. Your physical body had yanked your astral form back into its vessel right before your eyes opened.
You lifted your hand up to your face in the dark and graced your fingers over the path Changminâs had when he brushed the hair out of your sleeping face.
That same hand fell onto your sternum, the hard bone at the very center where you imagined your soul to rest deep within. You wished you could wrap your hand around the line that connected you to him, because then, maybe you could cling to it⊠and maybe it would make more sense as to how your mind ended up in his body tonight.
PART V: THE DIABOLICAL
TRUTHFULLY, 8AM was too early to be pondering moral dilemmas. Options as to how you would tell Changmin about your out-of-body experience flipped through your mind like a deck of flashcards. You were a hypocrite. You were a massive, clown-faced hypocrite whose thumbs hovered over her keyboard as you debated on how best to start the text message:
Option 1: Heeeey, you know how I gave you shit about possessing my body without permission? Well⊠we're even now.
Option 2: Guess what lol I might be going insane but I might have had a dream that wasn't a dream about possessing your body.
Or, last and certainly least, option 3: I'm pretty sure I'm interpreting your gestures wrong because I have feelings for you. Also, did I mention that I possessed you during my nap last night?
When you were drunk last night, you couldn't be so certain. (Saying this was if sleeping for less than three hours would've helped clarify your memory any better. Drunkenness and sleep deprivation were more alike as states of brain rot than one might think.) Nonetheless, you determined that you were in the wrongânot because you possessed him; that was an accident. You were in the wrong because you had contemplated murder for Changmin doing the same thing to you.
The question was: how? How were you able to take your soul and jump physical bodies? Changmin said this bond was largely for the benefit of the demon, but he also mentioned that the only reason his experience occurred was because he was exhausted.
If control was the baseline of demonic magic, and Changmin was under the influence of a powerful emotional stimulant, would that justify how you were able to pull it off?
(And if he really was under the influence, did that mean you were getting your hopes up about your feelings being reciprocated? Option 3 was looking less and less attractive.)
You chewed on your bottom lip meditatively as the driver's side door opened to your left.
Chan sighed as he dragged his seatbelt over his chest. âI can't believe I forgot to get gas last night,â he said, cranking the engine. âI could've sworn I did.â
âMaybe you just imagined it,â you teased quietly. When you peered over at him, you couldn't help the frown tugging down at the corners of your lips.
The eye bags and puffiness weren't exactly subtle on him. You could acknowledge that it was rather early for both of you to be up and at 'em, but it was essential to hit the road early since the drive was almost three hours.
Chan gave his head a rough shake in the same manner as a wet dog would. âGuess so,â he said before a yawn cut him off.
âAre you sure you're okay to drive?â You plucked one of the paper cups in the cupholders and handed it to him.
He gratefully accepted the cheap gas station coffee and took slow, measured gulps of the scalding liquid. âI think I should be fine. You should rest; you didn't get a lot of sleep last night, right?â
As he began pulling the car out of the quaint lights of the gas station proper, you adjusted your sitting position. âChan,â you mused, âyou look worse than I do right now. Were you up late last night, too?â
âMaybe a little later than usual⊠I was justâyâknow, preparing some things for today.â He nudged his blinker on and craned his neck to check for oncoming traffic. When it was safe, he pulled out onto the road.
At this point in the morning, there weren't many cars accompanying the two of you on your journey north. The sky was a blanched blue further enfeebled by the pale autumn sunshine. You would instinctively settle in to watch the passing sceneryâmountain ranges, pastures, and the likeâbut you continued to keep one eye on your driver this time around.
âPreparing things,â you repeated softly, turning your phone off having long given up on deciding on a text message to Changmin. âAre youâare you okay? Is everything okay?â
He liked to fuss over you, but you weren't ignorant to his own struggle. Chan was the one who faced adversity, not youâat least, in your mind. Sure, you faced your own troubles, but it hurt you to see him hurt. The two of you hadn't been as close recently, which was no fault of yours or his; people drifted apart sometimes. That was the way of life, but it didn't mean your care for the other waned even the slightest.
Chan physically loosened up his tense muscles. âYeah, of course. I promise that I'm fine.â
Your eyes shot wide open as they tracked a trickle of something dark and viscous seeping down from his nose and into the cradle of his Cupid's bow. âOh my god.â
Your friend's eyes flitted off the road for a second. âWhat?â He brought a hand up to his mouth and pulled it away. âShit,â he muttered and gritted his teeth. The blood had dribbled into his mouth now to stain the white of his smile a gory crimson.
âI think you need to pull over,â you fretted as you tore through the center console for tissues.
Chan clutched the ball of tissues in one hand and held it up to his nose. âI'm fine, Ynââ
âPull over. Now.â There was enough force behind your voice to make him twitch, but you suspected that the slight tremor wasn't unnoticeable either. Just how much had he been overexerting himself lately? âI'm driving.â
He didn't have a choice. Defeat clung to the tails of his exhaustion, digging the grooves of his eye bags deeper. Chan didn't argue as he pulled off to the side of the road.
You didn't have to pretend to be even a little angryâyou were frustrated, yes, but only because he was clearly not in the state to drive for three hours. It was irresponsible and stupid, you wanted to say to him.
But after swapping seats and glancing over at him in the passenger seat, you opened your mouth with no voice to use. Chan couldn't meet your eyes as he kept the bloody wad of tissue to his nose. You didn't have the heart to reprimand him, and he sure as Hell didn't need that from you.
You reined in your concern and resumed the drive.
Changmin wondered if texting you was too desperate. Before one judged him too harshly, there once was a time when he didn't think about interactions like this as if they were rocket science. There was a time when he could text you with ease and without stress.
That was no longer the case.
âPlease tell me you didn't spend the entire morning on your phone. That's a horrible example for the kids, you know.â
Changmin had known Aunt Jenna and her husband Kian were outside the door before they could pull out their house keys. His two cousins, who were reading and napping, respectively, on the rug scrambled to their feet with screeches of welcome to their parents. Changmin pretended their pitch didn't nearly destroy his eardrums. âNo,â he protested, âwe finished their homework really fast, so we were just chilling.â
âYeah, eomma. We were just chilling!â parroted the youngest of the twoâDaeâas he clung to his father's arm like a jungle gym.
Kian gave a laugh as he waddled into the kitchen with his hands full of groceries and a kid. The second child, Julia, wrapped around her limbs around his ankle; hence the waddling.
âJust chilling,â Jenna deadpanned, unimpressed. She swiped the bags from Kian and set them on the kitchen counter, peering over at her nephew. âWell, were they good?â
Changmin dimpled, nodding. âYup. I think they deserve ice cream.â
âOppa gave permission!â Julia hooted.
âI've got it,â Kian mused, squeezing past his wife in the narrow kitchen space. âKids, go grab your jackets and we'll go down to the store.â He glanced between Jenna and Changmin. âWe'll give you two some space.â
As soon as the front door slammed shut and the sounds of eager children disappeared down the hall, Jenna joined Changmin in the living room. Today was the day Changmin promised his aunt he would watch her kids. Rather than being out the entire day, Jenna and Kian promised to be back once they'd completed their long list of errands. Changmin didn't mind watching his cousins for the past few hours; they were, over all, decently well-behaved. (Plus, it was easy to bribe them with the promise of ice cream for good behavior.)
Jenna hiked up one leg beneath her as she claimed the opposite end of the couch from him. âHow are you? Has it fully faded?â
Ah, there was no beating around the bush then. He sucked in a breath, but nodded. âI'm pretty sure, yeah. I haven't felt anything for at least a week.â It was strange to go from a period of sporadic headaches to none at all. It was like waiting for a dormant volcano to suddenly awaken; would the curse strike again and how soon?
How did he even come to be cursed? Now that was the question of the hour.
âGood, good. I don't⊠I can't sense it from you anymore,â she said, nibbling on her fingernail. âYou had me worried there, Changmin-ah. How's your friend? Her name's Yn, right?â
A smile crawled onto his face. âYou and Mom are always so bad with names.â
âI got it right, though,â she pointed out, but didn't deny his accusation.
âYeah, she's doing alright.â He licked his lips and became contemplative. At least, he was pretty sure you were doing alright. The memories of last night came rushing back at him in a dizzying whirlwind of laughter, thrills, and warmth; the undeniable wholeness in his chest, your lips at his pulse. He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. âI'm trying to focus my efforts on the curse situation now though,â he said after clearing his throat. âI think that should take priority.â
Jenna gave a grave nod. âI'm inclined to agree.â
âRight. I reached out to that one guy you told me about.â
âOh, the prince? Did he answer?â
Changmin hummed an affirmative. âYou said he's a⊠demon prince. What circle is he from and how the Hell was he let out?â
Out of all the years Changmin knew his Aunt Jenna, it never ceased to amaze him that she was friends with a duchess of Hell. She was more of a social butterfly than his mother, but the extrovert quality didn't necessarily grant one the keys to class mobility and intermingling. Demon pride ran as dense as concrete most of the time, so it was a wonder that Jenna kept in touch with her highborn friend even after moving to the human world.
Jenna squinted one eye. âAh,â she drawled, âpretty sure he's only second prince. His older brother's inheriting the throne to the third circle.â
Damn. A prince to the third circle, huh? Changmin chewed his bottom lip and his knee began bouncing up and down fervently. He was aware that there were plenty of the supernatural among him on campus, but he didn't go out of his way to interact with them. There had been a party here and there, but he couldn't get away with too much since his closest friends were all human.
âWell,â he continued from earlier, âhe replied to my text and agreed to meet with me.â The task had been surprisingly easy. He imagined demon princes, or demon mobility in general, to be unbearably arrogant with each boasting an ego the size of the moon; however, this prince didn't treat Changmin any differently than if he were a classmate with a mutual friend. It was⊠nerve-racking.
âThat's great! The hard part is over.â
Changmin made a face. âI really don't think that was the hard part.â
She flicked her wrist flippantly. âNonsense. He'll be just as anxious to uncover the culprit as you are.â Jenna cocked her head to the side in thought. âAnd, well, who knows? Maybe he knows how to break a soul-bond.â
Changmin cradled his hopes for this interaction close to his chest as the day went on. He was supposed to meet this guy in the early afternoon at one of the music studios by campusâapparently, he practically lived there. Word through the hellfire was essentially that this prince was barely seen at his apartment, in class, or outside for that matter.
Suffice to say that Changmin hadn't a fucking clue what he was walking into.
He chained up his bicycle just outside the studio building with his phone's GPS open in one hand and the other absentmindedly rubbing at his chest. (It had been tight all day; you must really be at home, hours away from where he was.)
He glanced up at the unassuming brownstone facade towering above him. This was supposedly the place. The numbers 1117 were tacked onto the side for the building's street address, and Changmin triple checked that it coincided with the address sent to him.
When he was satisfied, he strode over to the front door and let himself in.
The interior of the building was a labyrinth of its own with white plaster walls that looked the same down every corridor. The building designer had left a small mercy, however, in the form of a large directory in the lobby with arrows directing the weary wanderer down a certain path depending on their desired studio number.
Changmin located the number and followed the signs. Before long, he stood before a sleek, black door with A8 emblazoned on its surface. He inhaled deeply, then knocked.
A long moment passed.
Changmin drummed his fingers against the seam of his pants and glanced up and down the empty hallway. Did he get the wrong room?
As if the demon prince could hear his thoughts (Changmin wouldn't be surprised if he could), the door opened. A light brunet poked his head out into the hallway, his eyes large like a doe's and paired with a rather warm smile. âJi Changmin, I presume?â
Changmin cleared his throat, awkwardly bending himself at the waist in a hasty bow. âYep, that's me.â
âNot here, not here,â Prince Kim Hongjoong of the Third Circle hushed with a grimace. He flicked his hand in the air, widening the opening to flag him inside. âYou really don't need to bow to me, man.â
Oh. There wasn't anything Changmin could think to say except to mutter out an apology under his breath. He ducked into the dimly lit studio, and Hongjoong shut the door behind him. The studio itself was larger than Changmin expected with a small couch shoved into a corner, an expansive mixing desk with a couple monitors, a mini fridge tucked beneath, and a recording booth that spanned the entire back half of the room.
A demon's vision, even a halfling's, didn't worsen or get better with more light, but Hongjoong still turned it up. âSit, sit,â Hongjoong insisted, gesturing to the couch in the corner. He took his own perch upon the office chair by the mixing desk.
Changmin stiffly lowered himself onto the edge of the couch and placed his bag by his feet. He placed his hands on either of his knees. âAh, thanks for seeing me on such short notice,â he said.
Hongjoong nodded. âSure!â That smile was both beautiful and sharp; Changmin couldn't put his finger on it, but it was the epitome of demonic royalty. Hongjoong's expression sobered slightly. âBut when you said something about the curse going around lately, I did think that it would be best to talk about it as soon as possible.â
âRight, same here. Were you inflicted by it at any point?â Changmin decided that Hongjoong didn't look any worse for wear, but not everything could simply be observed upon the surface.
âI was lucky,â he replied, shrugging. âProbably because I don't go out much, but I can't be too sure. What about you?â
Changmin dipped his head once. âMy aunt says I was, and I had been feeling more exhausted than usual and had random headaches. It's faded by nowâbut that's because I'm half-blooded.â
Hongjoong nodded his head in understanding. âOkay, glad to hear you're not doing too bad now and the curse was able to fade for youâ âhe paused, massaging his jawline, before turning to his laptop on the mixing tableâ âthat clears something up for me, at least. HereâIâve been putting together a document with my findings.â
Changmin stood from his seat and leaned over the desk to see the screen. It seemed that despite Hongjoong's lack of touching grass, the prince did get down to business. He wondered if all princes of Hell were so attentive to their speciesâ needs; cynicism though told Changmin that they weren't.
âBasically, with your testimony, it seems that whatever curse was performed was intended to only affect those of demonic heritage.â Hongjoong scrolled down to one portion of the document to add in this new nuance. He then worked his way down to a section where there were three images pasted side by side on the screen. Changmin recognized that they were books, but he couldn't identify their titles or purposes. âWhich then narrows the curse's point of origin.â
Two images were deleted. The one left was a tome fitted with a dark colored cover. Deep purple veins seemed to scar the black and its edges were torn and crumpled like decaying flesh. There were letters engraved into the frontâChangmin squinted to read them: nem focta diabolica. It was an old dialect, more similar to Latin than the more modern dialects used in Hell.
ââFor diabolical deeds?ââ he murmured. His eyebrows creased. âThat's the Book of the Diabolical?â
Hongjoong hummed, âYes. You've never seen it?â
âNot until now,â he said while shaking his head. A shiver rattled down his spine and he braced his hand on the desk by the laptop. The Book of the Diabolical was one of the several forbidden cursed magic tomes that existed throughout the realms. Each tome was stuffed full of curses written to specifically target a species. The often lethal effects and methods of use were why most originals were banned and locked away. âBut you said that my testimonial is what confirms that this was only targeted toward demons. Could we not have assumed that based on reports of who have been affected?â The reports had only noted a pattern of demon victims. If anybody else was affected, word would have likely been spread.
âYes and no,â the prince replied. âWe can make a judgment call based on reports, but your experience specifically is what gives us cause. If your mild symptoms are due to your half non-demoness, then we can now conclude that the curse is only supposed to work on demons.â
Changmin straightened as his mind went to work, putting together the pieces. âSo now we just need to find out who is in possession of the Book of the Diabolical.â
A solemn nod. âI thought it would be easier to track down, but there's been nothing through my contacts about recent acquisitions. We know there are copies of the book that exist, too. It's just⊠ah, frustrating.â Hongjoong combed a hand through his dirty blond strands, a muscle twitching in his jaw at the thought.
It must have been another layer of aggravating to be a prince and have no control over the situation. Changmin truly could only imagine. âDo we know exactly which spell was used? I know it's energy-stealing, but the nature of it could lead us toward an answer.â
Hongjoong leaned back into his chair as Changmin settled his back against the edge of the table. âI do,â the prince said. âI consulted my circle's chief authority on magic and she mentioned that it was a spell that took energy in order to transfer it to another living being. The spell is also able to locate demonic entities without knowing them personally, so any demons within a certain radius of the spell would be cursed.â
At his own utterance, Hongjoong lurched into an upright position. âSo we need to determine where the curse was performed!â
Changmin jolted slightly at his sudden exclamation. âHow do we do that? Is it like checking for radiation poisoning?â
âKind of. We'd just need a sample to match.â
âI'd offer my blood, but I'm not sure how potent the magic is anyââ
There weren't many ways to describe what happened simply because Changmin himself couldn't quite wrap his head around it.
One moment, he could breathe perfectly fine; the next, he'd doubled over, desperately clawing at his chest as every ounce of air left his body and refused to come back. Black spotted his vision, narrowing his sight into a tunnel as his knees slammed against the ground.
His blood thundered in his ears as the pain in his chest seized his body whole. Someone had taken a knife and carved their way down the center of his chest.
Then, as quickly as it'd come, it was gone.
Sweat dripped down the sides of his face as Changmin greedily inhaled air into his lungs. Hongjoong was right in front of him, his arm hoisting his body into an upright position. He was murmuring something, but the sound was muffled⊠little by little, the pain and the blood in his ears dwindled to nothing but a terrifying dream.
Changmin grabbed at his chest as if he could feel the strained pull deep down where soul livedâwhere you livedâ
His eyes shot wide open. âYn.â The stabbing sensation that pierced his chest now was no longer physical agony but pure, unbridled fear.
He fumbled around for his phone and Hongjoong grabbed it from where it had fallen onto the floor. Worry creased the prince's brows. âAre you okay, Changmin? Who's Yn?â
âMyâmy soulââ Changmin dialed your number, half blinded by the sweat and tears blurring his vision.
Hongjoong seemed to understand. âSomething happened to her?â
âI don'tâI don't know.â All he could think about was the fact that you were with Chan and that he was afraid.
You and Chan arrived at your parentsâ house just before the clock hit noon. Your childhood home was much like it was when you left and visited every break: half-dead azalea bushes and a rusted wind chime hanging over the porch; hallways and a stairway adorned with the occasional family picture and portrait from over the years; and the smell that clung to the walls, and when bottled up, would be called âhome.â It had been where you and Chan spent so many of your formative years together running, playing, crying, and living.
Lunch was eaten at home, and while you stayed to help your parents out with a few errands, Chan went ahead to the nearby hospital to see his sister.
You followed behind him nearly an hour after he'd left, your stomach full and your hands buried beneath a basket of treats that your parents put together for Chaeyoung. Flowers had been considered, but then your dad reminded your mom that flowers could not be eaten, and that had marked the end of that conversation.
The room the nurse's station directed your toward was down a lengthy hall of clean white. You'd consumed media beforeâbooks, shows, moviesâwhere a character had a distinct aversion to hospitals because it reminded them of a lost loved one or a moment of distinct pain and weakness. Whenever you passed by the open doors or closed curtains of these rooms, you couldn't help but wonder how many of these people thought the same.
At the end of the hall, you stopped before a closed door whose accompanying window was sealed off with closed blinds. You couldn't tell by squinting through the slits if Chan and Chaeyoung were inside, but there was a little whiteboard off to the side with âLee Chaeyoung :)â written in dry erase marker.
You lifted your fist up to the door, gently knocking upon its surface. When there wasn't an answer, you took the gamble to let yourself in.
Either the hospital was generous this time, you thought to yourself, or Chaeyoung just got really lucky. The room was spacious for a single person, but there was only room for one bed. Shoving a second in here would have been cruel and unusual punishment. The television hoisted onto the opposite wall from the bed was playing an old episode of Friends at low volume, a comfortable white noise for the sleeping form tucked into bed.
You carefully tread over to the bedside where you saw Chan's backpack left on the chair. You set the basket as quietly as possible onto the nightstand, your eyes flickering over to Chaeyoung to ensure you didn't wake her.
Just as you were moving Chan's backpack off the chair, a book slipped out from the open zipper.
âShit,â you whispered, barely catching it before it slapped against the linoleum. You'd seen a lot of books before, but this one⊠you peered at it with a small frown. It was incredibly worn at the edges and the cover design seemed to be something like human veins but in the color of a deep violet. There were words scrawled at the center, but you couldn't get a good look at them before you heard Chaeyoung stir from the bed next to you.
You shoved the book into Chan's bag and set the backpack down, simultaneously dropping your butt into the chair. âI woke you up, huh?â you winced.
Chaeyoung smiled sheepishly at you. Even with the nasal cannula and the formless hospital gown, she was beautiful. Though her skin was more blanched than usual, it didn't take away from the utter warmth she radiated in this sterile environment. In that way, she and her brother were so similar. âHi, Yn-ie,â she mused. âAnd no, I was just pretending to be asleep.â
âWell, that's not very nice then. Were you planning to let me watch you sleep this whole time?â you teased back at her. Your lips pulled into a fond smile. âHow are you feeling? Any better today, unnie?â
She lifted her hand up onto the railing of the bed and you gently clasped it with your own. Throughout the years, she had come to be almost like your own older sister figure, in a way. âI'm a little tired, but it doesn't hurt a lot, so don't worry. A little coughing here and there, but nothing a bit of water won't fix.â
You wished you could believe her.
âBut enough about me. What's going on with you? Are you seeing anyone yet?â
You choked on your own breathing air, pulling a grin out of Chaeyoung. You had to let go of her hand in order to thump your own chest. âYou sound like my mom,â you retorted as heat crawled up the back of your neck.
Chaeyoung made a movement akin to a shrug. âI'm bored; sue me⊠so are you?â
The silence in the room was enough to speak volumes. The way your mind immediately flashed to a particular demonic friend of yours made the tightness in your chest hum gladly. You rubbed the spot with the heel of your palm absentmindedly.
âOh, well you have to tell me about them now,â Chaeyoung gushed, squeezing your hand. âYou can't even deny itâyour eyes just went so soft, Yn.â
You bit the inside of your cheek. How were you supposed to tell her that they were only feelings? The urge to tell her about the knot around your ribs was suddenly too great; it was like looking into Shuhua's eyes and denying everything to her. âHe's,â you stammered, âwe're friends.â
âThat's usually how it begins,â she chimed in.
You fixed her with a look. âAnd he'sâŠâ How did one say âeverythingâ without saying everything?
Chaeyoung grinned, knowingly. âI know you'll just deny it, but it'sââ Her words broke off with a violent cough.
Your heart leapt into your throat as you scrambled off your chair to reach for the tissues on the nightstand. Her coughing fit raged on without a moment of mercy, not even to let her breathe air. Each one grated on you for your stupidity, for letting her waste her energy on coaxing an answer out of you.
She took the tissues gratefully, shoving them against her mouth as she hacked up globs of crimson red to stain the paper and sheets.
You began searching for water. Maybe medication. Anything that might soothe her for a second.
The door bursted open, and Chan and an older man with a white coat hurried into the room. You ducked out of the way as another nurse barreled in after them. The doctor and the nurse converged on Chaeyoung's bed and you held your hands close together by your chest as you stood next to Chan in the doorway.
âThey heard her heart monitor skyrocket from the nurse's station,â Chan said quietly with his eyes on his sister's bed. His eye bags had not gotten better as the day dragged on, but you had been foolish to think for a second that this trip would make him feel any better. His hand gently warmed the place between your shoulder blades. âCome on. Let's give them the room.â
You and Chan ended up in the hallway just outside the door. Your back was pressed against the wall facing the window while Chan practically paced a hole into the floor.
Just a minute ago, he'd seemed almost resigned. But the energy around him had become frantic, frazzled. You grew wary and nervous simply by watching him, your fingers cracking knuckles and tugging at loose strands on your shirt sleeves.
He tore his hands through his hair for what felt like the fiftieth time, and you stepped forward. âChanâChan, please just sit down. You're going to tire yourself out like this.â
âYn, I can't,â he said, and the tremble in his voice was unmistakable.
You grabbed his hands away from his head to force him to look at you, to stay still. âShe's going to be okay.â
His eyes glittered with mourning. The jewels that welled up in his eyes poured down the slopes of his cheeks. âShe's not,â he rasped, shaking his head. âThey said she's getting worse andâand IâI don't know what to do anymore.â
There was a heavy pang in your chest, but you forced both you and Chan to the side of the hallway closer to some of the chairs left out. He balked, stopping in his tracks. âYn, I don't know how to save her. I've tried everything.â
You squeezed his hands and your eyes began to sting. âI know you have,â you breathed out. âI know you have and I am so sorry.â
âI don't know, I don't know,â he sobbed. He hung his head. âIt's my fault. I should've tried harderâI could've done betterââ
âChan,â you cut in, âwhy in the world would you blame yourself? You've done so much for her; Chaeyoung would never blame you for this, not ever.â
Chan lifted his head and you were so certain there was a glint of purple in his eyes, but there were so many tears it could've only been a trick of the light. âCan I ask you something?â
You nodded. âAnything.â
His fingers curled with yours and you believed that he was finally squeezing you backâthat he was finally leaning on you. âCan you promise me that you're not chained to him?â
What?
You hardly registered what he just asked you when you keeled over. A searing pain ripped through your body and twisted around your sternum. It was as if someone had wrapped their hands around that central bone and was trying to tear it out of you. Your heart and lungs seized all at onceâyou couldn't breathe.
Oh my godâyou couldn'tâbreatheâ
Air rushed into your lungs all at once, and you found yourself grappling onto the sides of a chair. Chan was saying something to youâthey were words, but words you couldn't hear correctly. âŠso sorry⊠can't⊠you⊠like me.
Your center of gravity tilted violently on its axis and leaned toward the ground. As blood pumped violently back into your skull, you could feel the cold embrace of unconsciousness pull you closer.
A pair of hands grasped yours again, and you felt something cool pressed into your hold. A cup? Water?
âYn? Yn, can you hear me? I'm gonna call a doctorââ
âNo, no,â you waved the comment away with a weak hand. Your vision gradually cleared along with the fog in your head. You groaned quietly, bringing the paper cup to your mouth and poured it down your throat. Your chest heaved with labored breaths and you slumped into the chair you were draped in. âI'm fine now.â
Chan's face was twisted into deep worry as he leaned over you. âAre you sure?â he asked. âYn, I can't lose you, too. That looked and sounded awful. What even happened?â
You closed your eyes. âI⊠I'm not sure.â It was like that one time you had nausea while Changmin was possessing you. But that wasn't nausea; whatever the Hell that had been, it was closer to your heart being clawed out than a measly migraine. âWould you mind just, uhm, getting me more water, please?â
âYeah, of course. I'll get you a proper bottle from the vending machine.â
âThanks, Channie.â You blindly patted his hand, and heard the sound of his footsteps soften as he hurried away.
You brought your hand up to your chest and let the warmth of your palm soothe the ache that haunted you. What was all that? There was no way that could have been a heart attack. You hadn't felt it in the heart.
âShit,â you huffed as your phone vibrated in your back pocket. With a slight grunt, you managed to maneuver your hand beneath your body to answer the call. âHello?â
A heavy breath filled your ears. âOh Hell⊠are you okay?â
DĂ©jĂ vu, much? You pulled the phone away from your ear to see the caller ID. âChangmin? How did youâ âthe pieces clicked together in your mind and you straightened in your seatâ âoh my god, you felt that?â
âAre you okay?â he repeated instead with more strength.
âYes, yeah,â you exhaled. The pain was slowly receding to the edges of your memory and breathing gradually became nature again. âDid you feel it, too, then? Are you alright?â The though of him enduring that pain at the same time as youâyour heart might as well have fallen straight into the pit of your stomach.
You definitely weren't mistaken when you heard a sniffle from that side. âI'm alright,â Changmin said softly. âI justâI needed to hearâI needed to make sure you were okay.â
A smile pulled so strongly at your mouth that the corners curled downwards. âWell I'm okay now. I promise.â
âWhen are you coming home? I⊠I need to see you.â
Your free arm wrapped around your stomach and wished it was his. Unconsciously, your eyes raised from the glossy floor to the presence coming back down the hall with a water bottle in his hand. (Was it survival instinct that had you looking at him in a light you never once considered before?) âSoon,â you promised with all the tenderness in the world. âWait for me?â
âFor however long I need to.â
PART VI: THE CURSED
Nightfall swaddled the world in its embrace when Chan pulled his car into the parking lot at your apartment complex. The headlights sliced through like twin blades across the sidewalk to blind the bushes lining the buildingâs perimeter. Sleep hadnât claimed you at any point during the drive back down to the university, and you could feel the dryness begin to sting at the corners of your eyes.
You grabbed your bag from between your legs as Chan let the engine thrum beneath you. âThanks,â you said quietly.
âYeah,â he muttered back, dragging a hand down his face.
The drive hadnât been much better. If someone asked you to point to the exact moment you were aware of the rift between you and Chan, you wouldnât be able to tell them. There was a cloud of uncertainty, dark and stormy, that now blocked the radiance you were used to.
You glanced out of the window with your palm ghosting over your chest and you locked eyes with a figure loitering by the entrance to your apartment complex. The jump in your heartbeat was confirmation enough of who it was.
Fingers grazed over your shoulderâyou shifted away, something you had never done before. A meekness took over your counterpartâs face. âThereâs nothing I could say, is there?â
âYouâve never brought this up to me before,â you countered. At some point between Chaeyoungâs hospital room and the apartment parking lot, you figured out what Chan had asked you and who he was referring to. âChainedâ was an interesting word choice; you foolishly decided not to dwindle on it too long while you were within five feet of him.
It was a lot to think about. The chasm that gradually stretched between you had never existed before, and it cracked through the bridge that was your history with him. Your immediate thought was that the bridge was worth saving, but whenever you leaned over to grab the flayed ends, there was something in the dark that snapped at your fingers.
âHeâs⊠Yn, heâs not who you think he is.â
You shoved the car door open. âIâll make that judgment for myself. Good night.â Without another word, you stole into the night and let the doorâs slam echo in the quiet.
As you made your way across the sidewalk to Changmin, there was an undeniable skip in that reliable rhythm called a heartbeat. The more you closed the distance between you, the less your chest ached and tugged. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you registered the sound of tires dragging over gravel and lights fading away, but if it wasnât in your direct view, you didnât quite care.
Changmin didnât look hurt, at least from the outside. His dimpled smile graced his features as he took a few steps to meet you.
âHeyââ Your mouth muffled against the fabric on his shoulder as his arms scooped around you and pulled your body flush against him. An emotion bubbled up in your chest, then your throat, as you relaxed into him. The ache was gone, but he was here. You slowly brought your arms up around his middle and allowed the unspeakable to simmer.
You heard a small sound by where his face was tucked into your neck, and when the realization hit you, you could only laugh. âAre you sniffing me?â you snickered.
âYou smell nice,â he sulked.
You patted his back. âSo not only are we leashed, but you have also adopted the characteristics of a dogââ
âIâm letting go now.â
âNoo, donât let go. Iâm sorry,â you said and locked your arms around him. You both knew he could break out of your hold at any point, but in your arms, he remained. âAre you okay? You wanted to see me right when I got back.â
A breath was released against your skin, and it was so similar to the brushes of wind that he demonstrated early on as a physical manifestation of his power. âI needed to see you,â he corrected. âI needed to see that you were okay.â
The top-left quadrant of your ribcage fluttered. âI⊠yeah that was scary, wasnât it?â you whispered. The phantom pain ignited within your breast for a moment, and you screwed your eyes shut. How could a single touch cause such physical agony? You were careening toward the truth you had been avoiding for hours now. You were peering into a dark chasm with no end to the bottom, but the longer you delayed, the longer it would continue to instill that fear and anxiety within you.
You cupped the back of his head with your palm, brushing your thumb through the strands of hair. âWe need to talk.â
He hummed. âWe do.â Changmin straightened and while one of his arms lingered about the curve of your waist, the other lifted toward your face. Before he could touch you, he stopped himself and pulled the hand back down to his pocket. âAre you tired? We could talk about this tomorrow?â
The thought of tomorrow morningâs lecture, but leaving the seat beside Shuhua empty, made your stomach sink. Your nod was reluctant. âI guess so⊠thank you for coming though. It was sweetâgood. It was really good to see you. Iââ
That hand from just a moment ago reappeared to cup the underside of your jaw and drew you over to kiss you.
(Under oath, Changmin would have admitted that there was a part of him that had been craving to kiss you since that day in his apartment when he confessed that murder from your lips was damningly divine; but if you were to ask him now, he would have said he simply didnât want to say good night yet.)
You werenât out of your wits enough to be completely slow as to what was happening. His touch was hesitant and bereft of the full strength he wished to impart. The brush of his lips against yours was fleeting and he was pulling away all too soon.
Cheater. You grabbed a handful of his hoodie in your fist and yanked him back over to you. Youâre not getting away with that.
He stumbled in surprise, slapping his palm against the wall over your head. That arm was looping back around you in an instant, and your chests pressed together as if connected by opposite poles of a magnet. He was better this time aroundâsloppier, more fervent. His fingers dug into the meat of your waist, his mouth bruising against yours.
You wondered if a few minutes spent devouring the air between each other was enough to carve the otherâs name into your mouths permanently.
His mouth glistened in the low light when you pulled away to relieve your lungs. Changminâs eyes were hooded, pupils dilated to the black of deep space: consuming, but wondrous. âAnother thing to talk about tomorrow then?â he exhaled out against your skin.
You noddedâthat was a givenâand you watched his eyelashes flutter as he leaned in again. Something deeply satisfied purred in the recesses of your center, somewhere only oneâs soul might dwell. (Love was felt in your chest where he belonged, after all.) You breathed him in as he kissed you once more. It wouldnât matter if the invisible string that tethered you to him eventually faded because your souls were far too comfortable with each other to ever let go.
The sun hung midway between the sky's precipice and the horizon, washing the world beneath it in a whimsical filter of gold. While Mondays were usually a lighter load for you, today happened to be the one you stacked all of your academic appointments onto. It wasn't until about three in the afternoon that you were able to see Changmin again.
You stepped out of your department advisor's building with your hand raised to shield your eyes. Waiting for you at the curbside and straddling his bicycle was the other half of your soul bond.
âYou like guys with bikes?â Changmin grinned, half laughing as he nodded to you.
You threw your head back and couldn't fight the smile off your face. âYou pick up all your girls like this?â
âThat would be a yes, 'cause I only have one girl and I don't have a car.â
Your laugh bounced off the nearby walls and made Changmin's cheeks hurt from how wide he smiled. You made your way over to him, and he curled his hand around your waist, thumb rubbing into your hip bone. âHi,â he mused.
âHi.â Nothing had been said between the two of you since last night besides wishes of good sleep and to perhaps see one another in your dreams. (If dreams were considered a weakness to demons, it was safe to say that Changmin didn't give a damn.) You licked your lips. âSo where do you wanna talk? Because we do have to talk about some things.â
âI know. Juyeon said he won't be home, so I thought we could go back and talk, and maybe⊠watch a movie, if that's cool.â
You snorted. âYou kiss a guy once and he suddenly gets game.â
His eyebrows went sky high as he handed you his helmet to strap on. âActually,â he scoffed, âwe kissed at least fââ
âAh!â You pressed your pointer finger to his lips, fixing him with a pointed look and ignoring the warmth in your cheeks. âThat's semantics. Is this even safe, by the way?â you asked, gesturing to the back of his bike where he had a small rack installed over the back wheel.
âYeah, you just need to hold on tight.â
You threw one leg over the middle and braced your feet over the two bars jutting out from either side of the back wheel. Your arms came around his nearly nonexistent waist, the side of your head resting against his backpack. âYou just want me to hug you.â
Changmin laughed from the front. âYou said it, not me!â
Who said sharing a bike was romantic? Certainly not you, but there was plenty of fluttering in your stomach that made you think otherwise. You didn't keep your face against him for long, and lifted it up to feel the wind across your cheeks and through your hair.
It was strange to think of him as a demon when you had known him longest as a good friend. There was nothing remotely unhuman about him, but what made someone a human? Was it physical traits or lack of magic ability? Was it the realm we hailed from or was it simply⊠prejudice and stereotype?
Whenever you thought back to that fateful night, you couldn't believe you'd harbored even an ounce of fear for him. A part of you thought he'd pulled all those stops to make you scared, but the other part knew that maybe they were necessary out of his own alarm.
When you arrived at his apartment complex, he locked up his bike in the room in the lobby. The two of you worked your way up to his floor, a light conversation bubbling between you about what movie you should watch after you filled each other in. Speaking about anything regarding the supernatural out in the open like this was not ideal.
ââitâs really not even that scary,â Changmin insisted as he fished around his bag for his keys.
You crossed your arms over your chest, unconvinced. âI know you've got a thing for Chucky, butââ
His mouth fell agape as he managed to grab his keys and shimmy open the lock on the door. âI do not have a thing for Chucky. That's just disgusting and perverted. I thought you were better thanâoh. Shit.â
You were about to ask him what was wrong when you followed him in through the door. Seated on the couch was Juyeon, Shuhua, and Hyunjae, two of whom had their arms crossed and their faces fitted with matching masks of suspicion.
âHi guys,â you greeted awkwardly and nudged the door closed. What were they talking about without you and Changmin?
âWeâve been expecting youâow! We agreed that I was going to greet them,â Hyunjae hissed to Shuhua who had dealt a brutal blow to his ribs with her elbow. âAlso, your elbow is so fucking bonyââ
Shuhua harrumphed, sitting up straight with her chin inclined. âWeâve been expecting you. Juyeon purposely lied to Changmin so we could confront the two of you.â
You and Changmin exchanged nervous glances. Your counterpart then swiftly turned toward his roommate with an expression of betrayal. âYou lied to me?â
Juyeon went doe-eyed. âIâm sorry, Changminnieâthey made me!â
Hyunjaeâs cough was annoyingly loud, and he thumped his fist against his palm like a gavel. What was thisâcourt? âAhem. We all agreed that we needed to catch you guys in the act and to hold an intervention. I triedâ âhe dragged out the word âtriedâ as if heâd nearly died in the Sahara Desert while doing itâ âto confront Yn about it at the house party, but then you went and got yourself drunk.â
Oh. You performed a mental rewind all the way back to last Saturday. Oh no.
You and Changmin gravitated toward one anotherâs side. âWhat exactly,â Changmin drawled with narrowed eyes, âare you holding an intervention about?â
âGuys, please. Weâre not fucking stupid,â Shuhua huffed. âWe know youâve been sneaking around together. And whether youâre actually dating or just hooking upââ
You choked on your own spit.
ââwe need to know if youâre committing friendcest.â
You had to hold back both a laugh and a tremendous sigh. This was about fuckass friendcest, not Changminâs demonhood. You opened your mouth to relieve your friends of their concern when Changmin beat you to the punchline.
âWeâre not sneaking around for that reason,â he said, his eyes flickering over to you. You felt the back of his hand graze yours, and you blinked at him. While it was true that the original reason you started sneaking around was not because of mutual attraction, there was a tablespoon of truth to that now. If last night hadnât happened before this conversation, it would have been a lot harder for you to answer their questions, and if you had talked about the kiss beforeâŠ
There was conflict across Changminâs face as he warred with himself on how to properly put yours and his hunt into words that they would understand. There was undoubtedly a build-up of yearsâ worth of guilt mounting in him to put pressure on his reveal of the truth, but it was clear that he was still not ready for that conversation yet.
You stepped forward and grabbed his hand. âHeâs lying. We have been dating,â you declared. It was an innocent white lie that was somewhat truthful. âWeâ âyou cleared your throat as every pair of eyes darted over to you, including Changminâsâ âwanted to try it out. We only really have gone out a couple times though, and it hasnât been long since it started. Weâre sorry we hid it from you guys.â
Changminâs eyes gleamed with gratitude as his fingers braided with yours and he cupped around your bound hands with his free one.
A beat of silence passed as the other half of your friend group exchanged glances with one another. Had they expected you to deny it?
At last, Shuhua broke out into an almost pouty smile. âI wish you guys didnât hide it from us, but if youâre happyâŠâ
âWe hid it because we werenât sure yet and didnât want it to affect the groupâs dynamics,â Changmin chimed in. He squeezed your hand at his side. âI mean, Iâm happy.â He glanced over at you, cheeks dimpled. âYou?â
You smiled back, nodding. âVery.â
Juyeon sniffled and clasped a palm over his mouth. âUgh, this is so romantic. You guys look so happy together. I need to tell Eric and Indigo about this.â
âMan,â Hyunjae feigned exasperation, but even he couldnât hide the large grin on his face, âI really thought this was gonna be more dramatic. Glad you guys really were just sneaking around and dating and stuff, and not like, hiding a body or anything.â
You and Changmin looked at each other again and produced similar sounds bordering on a suspicious level of nervousness. âYeah⊠definitely nothing like that.â
The other three were, unfortunately, sharper than you liked to give them credit for. âWait, what do you meanââ
âBye now!â Changmin whisked you out of the apartment unit with a slam of the front door. Yours and his giggles wrapped around one another as you left, leaving your dumbfounded friends high and dry.
When you and Changmin had escaped to the end of the hallway by the stairs, you finally released the breath you had been holding. Keeping Changmin's secret was one thing, but lying to your friends was another. What you claimed back there wasn't a total lie, but in this case, perhaps ignorance was bliss. You didn't doubt your friends would be supportive of Changmin's heritage, but if it was something he wanted to continue to keep undisclosed, then that was his prerogative and it was not your truth to reveal.
Yours and Changmin's hands remained intertwined as you made your way back down to the lobby. Since his apartment was clearly occupied, you would need to find somewhere else to speak privately. The answer came in the form of a park nearby, who's trails and pathways were rather vacant at this time of day.
Changmin locked his bike and helmet up at the park's entrance before his hand found yours again. âWe are dating now, right?â
You snorted. âThat's the first thing on the agenda?â
âWell, yes,â he beamed boyishly at you, swinging your hands between your bodies. âAre you saying that what you told them back there was really a lie?â
âI mean, no,â you stammered. Heat prickled beneath the surface of your skin and you fought to avoid his direct gaze, so knowing. âWe are dating, if you're okay with it.â
âSure.â
âSure?â you squawked. Such indignation in that pretty boy smile of his. Your expression flattened into a deadpan. âI suppose I do have something to confess before we put a label on it.â
Changmin smiled to himself. âThis is the moment you tell me you're a serial killer, isn't it?â
âYou're really sick in the head,â you joked back. âBut no, I mean that⊠wellâhear me out: that night at the party when I was asleep? I may or may not have possessed your body.â
Changmin halted so abruptly that you were almost yanked back into his body from your linked hands. âWhat?â
You squeaked out a nervous laugh. âIt's not, y'know, that big of a deal. It was only for a few seconds, and it really could have just been dĂ©jĂ vu or something.â
âNo. No, it makes sense.â He shook his head, then pressed the black of his knuckles to his pursed lips, eyebrows creased together in a pensive stare. âMy mind wasn't the most stable, so I wouldn't have been able to stop you from coming across the soul bond. It's just an interesting notion to consider; I've never heard of a case like this before.â
âAh.â You were glad he wasn't bringing up the utter irony of the situation. âMaybe you can ask Aunt Jenna, and I bet most demons don't regularly come across that potion very often.â
Changmin cocked his head to the side thoughtfully. âThat's true. There is something that I've been meaning to tell you though. I don't know if you remember the random headaches I used to getâ âyou hummed your acknowledgementâ âbut it was apparently because I, and other demons in this area, were inflicted by a curse.â
Your face shuddered. A curse? How long had he been holding onto this?
His mouth set into a line. âI didn't want to worry you, but my being half human pretty much saved my life. It was⊠something from the Book of the Diabolicalâa curse that stole energy from one being to transfer to another.â
The Book of the Diabolical rang a distant bell in your head. âThat's really scary,â you murmured.
âIâI know,â he said, taking you by your arms, âbut I'm working with another demon on campus to solve it. It shouldn't affect you at all because they've only been targeting demons, butââ
âThat's incredibly worrying for you to sayââ
He exhaled, âI know, I know. I can take care of myself though, especially now that I have this other demon to help.â Changmin's grip on your body tightened, but not to an uncomfortable degree. His possession of your gaze was even more secure; there was an urgency within him that compelled you. âI'm telling you this now because⊠because I can't stomach the thought of you getting hurt, and I need you to promise me to be careful.â
You brought your hand up to cover the back of one of his. âBut you said this curse only affects demons,â you whispered.
âYes, butâ âhe cut himself off, tearing his eyes away for a moment. He bit his lip nearly hard enough to draw blood. âI just have a very, very bad feeling about something.â
âThen tell me what it is,â you pushed. There was no way you could safeguard yourself if you didn't know what he was worried about.
Changmin considered you for a moment, then in a low voice, said, âIt's about Lee Chan. I know you're friends with him, but I just can't put my finger on how he's connected to all of this.â Your eyes fell away from his, and his heart stuttered in his chest. His palm was gentle as he ran his thumb over your cheek. âPlease. Please just be careful, sweetheart.â Please believe me.
At last, you nodded and slowly raised your head up to meet his eyes once more. âOkay,â you said, âI promise.â
There was a beat of hesitation in his heartbeat againâhe couldn't bear to be without his other half.
Your conversation with Changmin was severed short when he received a call from his demonic friendâa Kim Hongjoongâabout an update regarding the curse's residual essence. He biked you to your apartment complex first, walking you to your door. He left soon after, but not before bestowing a lingering kiss to your brow, the words between the stressed lines of his eyes imploring.
You promised to call him tonight, and you shouldered your way into your apartment. Your heart had not ceased to stop rattling in its confines since Changmin admitted his wariness about Chan. You didn't know why you didn't immediately agree with him then and tell him about your thoughts from the hospital day, but your thoughts whipped around in your mind, trapped in a violent rip current.
The reason you had looked away from him earlier was not because you doubted him, but because you feared those whispers of suspicion were quickly becoming your reality. It was a grave accusation to name Chan specifically, and to even suspect him having a hand in recent diabolical deeds, but you couldn't deny that your view of him was morphing into something else.
It wasn't right, you thought. Lee Chan was the sunâbright and warm. He wouldn't hurt a fly. Right?
You fumbled for the lights in your darkened apartment. It was strange that your roommates weren't home; usually they would have been. You suppressed a yawn as you failed to find the light switch for some reason. Had you been this tired all day? Your eyelids were growing heavier and heavier by the secondâŠ
âShit,â you muttered as your foot hit something solid on the floor. Your fingers caught the switch and light flooded into the room.
A gasp tore out of your throat. By your foot laid the body of one of your roommates, her limbs splayed sporadically, but her chest still rising and falling with breath. (Asleep?) You lifted your head, and a dooming chill fell over you as you realized that the body on the couch was your second roommate; and thereâthe third's hand poked out from behind the kitchen counter.
There was another aspect to survival instinct. It launched into effect as soon as you spotted a figure emerge from your periphery.
You whipped around and reached for the door handle, but to no avail. A strong arm caged around your middle and slapped over your mouth. Whatever was on his handsâdry, chalkyâdragged a cough from your throat. Though your heart pounded in merciless rhythm, it seemed only to work to your detriment.
âCan't let you do that,â said the voice behind you, gruffly. It was familiar.
The world grew darker⊠dimmer⊠your body's thrashing slowed. You screamed and attempted to flail around, desperate to get free. Why the Hell was your body getting weaker? Whyâwhy were you tiredâ
Just before you surrendered to unconsciousness, the epiphany slammed into you like a truck. The worst part was it was way too fucking late.
If desperate people found faith, then Lee Chan was admittedly the most desperate of them all. Most peopleâhumans, it should be clarifiedâfound faith with the established religions of the world. There were truly far too many to count, but desperate and depressed ten year old boys were more resourceful than others gave them credit for.
The problem was that Chan was a creature made whole by the love imparted onto him by you and his older sister, as well as the neglect and hatred sown by his parents. It made for a dynamic personaâa soul torn asunder by the people he yearned for most. He wished his parents could have cared more, then perhaps he wouldn't have cared so much.
(Though, if they had cared even an inch more than they had, he wouldn't have traded their lives for Chaeyoung's in the first place⊠maybe he would have still done it, but he might have regretted it, at least.)
Wasn't there a definable point when a hero became a villain? No, he didn't like thinking of himself in those terms. âProtagonistâ and âantagonistâ were far too restricting. It was similar to the stigma surrounding the forbidden tome of curses in his possession; why was it forbidden if it was so very useful?
The only thing was that it lacked the spell he seemed to need most right now: a spell to convince you of the pure evil you had bound your soul to. Whether it was inadvertent or purposeful, Chan would do you a favor: by severing the demonic soul bond, he could save youâhis beloved little sister. He could save you and protect you from an ill-begotten fate.
But even as he settled your unconscious body over the summoning circle sketched in confident, chalk strokes, he racked his brain for any possible reason why you were bound. To what end was your bargain with Changmin? Were you so desperate as to strike a doomed deal with a half-demon? He considered your face with a frown; even in sleep, your browser were furrowed with stress. He needed to get a move on.
The Book of the Diabolical laid open atop your desk where he had pushed it into the corner. The entirety of your room was rearranged in order to give him a wide berth to workâbed shoved to the far reaches, drawers and file boxes relegated to the closet. The middle of the room featured your body over his summoning circle, rounded out with burned phlox candles who's scent suffocated the room in its bitterness.
Chan hunched over the book and consulted the line of curse he had tabbed with a sea otter sticky note. Over the past several years of his life, he dedicated himself to learning how to decode the old dialect of this tome in order to use it to its full reaches. âAsmantha's star for summoning, check. Burned phlox, mhm. Conscious blood of the victimâŠâ his voice trailed off as he caught miniscule movement from the corner of his eye. âYou're awake already? What a weak spell.â
Your body stilled. âChanâŠ?â
âJust another minute,â he promised and reached into his backpack down by his feet. He withdrew a slim paring knife he had brought with him from his apartment. âThis'll all be over soon.â
His eyes scanned over the lines of directions. Without looking back at you, he said, âI also wouldn't do that if I were you.â
You froze with your fingertips centimeters away from the edge of the summoning circle. If your nail had so much as crossed the line, your body would have been rendered paralyzed. It wasn't a pleasant feelingâChan knew from experienceâbut it was a necessary evil.
âWhat are you doing to me? What is all this?â you queried, your voice as small as a mouse's.
He could feel your eyes go to the paring knife in his grip, and the thought occurred to him that it was troubling you. Chan turned around then with a reassuring smile, only to be met by your eyes, so round with fear. Oh. âYn, this is for your own good,â he crooned sweetly with all the boyishness that you were used to. âI'm just doing you a favor. I know demon bonds are really hard to get rid of. They're nasty things, but I have a way to do it with minimal damage.â
You eyed him warily from your side of the line. âYou mean a soul bond?â
Chan barked out a laugh. âIs that what he called it? Fucking disgusting,â he spat. Every molecule in his body boiled with angerâfor you, of course. How dare Changmin fool you into some romantic vision of such a treacherous, vile thing? âI don't expect you to understand right now, especially if he's gotten into your head, but I'm going to help you.â
âHelp me? I don't need any helpââ
âYouâll thank me later,â he interjected with a click of his tongue. He nodded his head toward you. âNow hold out your hand. I just need a little bit of blood, and we'll be done.â
You scrambled backward on your hands. âWhat? No.â
Annoyance twitched in his jaw, but his chest twisted with something heavier. You were so far gone⊠if he didn't act now, it would be too late. âI'll come in there myself if I have to,â he replied and rose to his feet.
Wild, unbridled fear flashed across your face as your head swiveled around. You were trapped between a knife and the circle bounds, prey meeting predator.
Chan stepped into the summoning circle, brimming with determination. The spell's incantation swam fresh in the forefront of his mind, locked and loaded upon his tongue for the proper moment. His thumb ran over the flat side of the blade and he stalked over the chalk markings. âI only need a little,â he reassured you.
âDon't do this,â you sputtered, âplease! You don't have to break the bond.â
Your words only spurred him on. Chan lunged for your ankle, and you rolled out of the way, the crown of your head narrowly missing the edge of the circle. It was to your slight advantage that he had drawn the thing so fucking large, but it only gave the lion more room to play with his food.
Rich purple fractured across his irises and you could no longer dismiss it as just a trick of the light. Stupid. You had been so fucking stupid.
He pounced again. The breath flew out of your lungs as you hit the ground, your hand grasping his knife wrist where it was poised above your cheek. Your entire body shook as you held him back. âStop,â you cried. âWhy are you doing this? Chan, we're friends.â
âThat's exactly why,â he grunted and used his body weight and gravity to inch the blade down further.
Pure adrenaline was all that kept your limbs from failing. Sweat collected between the grooves of your palms and fingers, your heart racing at two hundred beats a second. Every ounce of energy went toward survival. âI don'tâ âyou heaved at his wrist to get it to move awayâ âunderstand.â
Chan squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them. Tears had welled up in the linings, trickling down onto your face. Agony contorted his own, flushed, as he exerted every exhausted bone in his body. He'd used so much of his energy lately. âI can't have you end up like me,â he said through gritted teeth. âAnd if I can't save noona, I can still save you.â
He slammed the knife down.
Your head jerked out of the way, just as the tip of the blade crunched into the wood floor.
Before you could tumble out of the way, he snatched the front of your throat with his free hand and pinned you in place. Your hands whipped up to your neck, desperately clawing at his fingers and knuckles, your airways narrowing. Blood from his hand trickled down from your angry marks, a river of red flowing to stain your own skin.
âPlease,â you choked out.
He didn't listen. You felt the bite of steel; blood, hot and thick, bubbled out of the cut and dripped down the side of your face onto the floor like a tear.
Chan kept his hand around your throat. His eyes, drowning in his own sorrow, never left your face. You once knew his eyes, but the purple that corrupted them struck you with fear. âUtimana catenia ab eterno effodiant sycut sol ad auroramae. Abi, daemon. Abi, daemon!â
You never thought you'd ever feel that same searing pain from the hospital ever again, but this was much worse. A guttural scream tore out of your throat with more wind than volume. Someone had dug their way into your body and was ripping their way out. They buried their fingernails and were shredding your muscle, cracking your bones apart, and they wouldn't stop until they saw the cold light of day.
The physical sensationâit was no clean slice. When a rope was pulled under strain, every fiber unwound until it snapped. You couldn't breathe. Every fiber of your being, physical and metaphysical, clung onto the soul on the other end of the line.
The rope splintered. Only then did you lay still.
Air once again flooded into your lungs, but your chest ached and ached and ached. Your throat burned from your crying. Your head hit the ground beneath you and you pawed at your sternum. The negative space was so damn loud. He wasn't thereâhe wasn't thereâ
âYn?â A shaky voice, small and childlike. Chan's face appeared above in your line of sight with worry written stark over his face. âHe's gone now.â
He's gone now. A cough boiled up in your throat, and you turned your head to hack up the residual blood. It was as if something truly had broken in your body. An entire piece of you was missing.
When you remained silent, Chan dragged himself up to his feet. âYouâll be grateful one day, you know? I'll clean this up and leave you beââ
You didn't have the heart or strength to lift your head, but you heard what happened next.
Chan's breath caught, followed by sounds of growling protest. There was a foreign voice or two over by the doorway. Take him to the Third Circle. We'll deal with him later.
The heart in your chest, its beats weak, stuttered into a pitiful skip as if it could sense the other half of it approaching. A face appeared in your view, his eyes wet and blood seeping from his nose. âYn?â he rasped, wiping the blood with the back of his hand.
His blond hair hung in his eyes as you peered up at him. Your body relaxed in the presence of the one it yearned for most.
âI'm so sorry,â he said, his voice breaking, as he dipped his head to touch his forehead to yours. I'm so sorry I'm late, so sorry I let him hurt you. You could feel his body shake with silent cries. âI am so fucking sorry.â
âHe said you were gone,â you managed to croak with your hoarse voice. Your nose and eyes stung with oncoming tears, and as soon as the dam broke, you could not reverse it.
âI'm right here,â he assured you. His arms wrapped around your body and pulled you up toward his chest.
âIt hurts.â You pressed a hand to your chest where the gaping chasm now sat. You didn't know how deep your soul laid within, bruised and battered. âAre you okay?â
Changmin loosened a wet chuckle from his mouth, holding the side of your face tenderly. âI should be asking you that. I was so scaredâHellââ Loss was a unique feeling. It was strange because you were right here in his arms, but no amount of proximity soothed the visceral throbbing in his chest. He once was whole, one part loved and the other part loving. But what was done, was done: the goal you and Changmin originally had in mind was accomplished, but neither of you were sure that you wanted it anymore.
The two figures you didn't recognize approached the summoning circle. One was a boy who looked human enough, but with eyes that seemed too sharp. The other beside him was a woman with gray hair, styled to coiffed perfection as a bed for the pair of curled black horns jutting out from the crown of her head.
You struggled into an upright position and leaned back against Changmin. âAndâ âyou cleared the congestion in your throatâ âyou are?â
âKim Hongjoong,â said the former with a sad tilt to his smile. He gestured to the woman. âMy colleague, Amari.â
âPrince of Hell and Magika Supreme,â Changmin muttered into your ear.
Your eyes went wide. âShould I bow?â
Hongjoong waved his hands in front of him. âNo need. Are you feeling alright though? Soul bonds are⊠they aren't the easiest things to live without once you've had one.â
âYou know what it feels like?â
âDefinitely not,â he said sheepishly. âBut I can guess. Changmin collapsed when he felt his end was devastated. I, uhm, imagine that your experience was similar.â The prince lowered himself into a crouch to be eye level with the two of you. âYour friendâthe one who did this to you.â
Your throat squeezed tight with the phantom of his hand around it. âChan?â you stammered. âWhat's happened to him?â
âWe've taken him into custody,â the Magika Supreme replied with a low voice and perfect posture. âDid you know that he had a copy of the Book of the Diabolical?â
There was that title again. You shook your head, but pointed in the direction of your desk. âThat thing? I didn't know what it was until now. Heâhe had it when I was at the hospital with him yesterday.â
âDo you know how long he's had it in his possession?â
You were about to answer, when Changmin cut in. âWith all due respect,â he swallowed, âYn deserves her rest, not an interrogation.â
Hongjoong exchanged glances with Amari, then nodded and rose to his feet. âFair enough. We'll help you clean up and be on our wayââ
âWait.â You didn't expect them to listen to you. âI need to know what happened. I don'tâI still don't understand.â When had everything gone wrong for your friend? In your mind's eye, you could picture the canyon that spanned yours and Chan's relationship, the tattered bridge hanging listlessly over the gorge. You could not banish his words from your head: I can't let you end up like me. And if I can't save noona, I can still save you.
Hongjoong pressed his lips together. âYour friend has been using that book of curses for a very long time to steal energy and transfer it to his sister. Recently, your Changmin and many others fell victim to one of them.â
Your hand fell over where Changmin's rested across your middle. Could he feel the guilt sloshing in the pit of your stomach like turbulent waves?
âWe believe he targeted demons specifically because of a deal he made with a demon in his past.â A shadow fell over the prince's face, and you read the grave sadness embedded there. âHe must have held a grudge against our kind since that rotten deal.â
It made sense. As much as it caused bile to creep up your throat, the pieces were slipping into place. The pure, venomous loathing he directed toward Changmin and the soul bondâif he had experienced a demonic bargain before, he would not only be aware of the existence of the supernatural, but the nature of such soul-binding deals.
Chan had done it for Chaeyoungâthat conclusion wrung you through the deepest pits of Hell and destroyed you. He'd done it to save her life, but it hadn't been enough.
âWhat's going to happen to her?â The bloody tissues and crude scratches of her coughing crushed into your mind. âShe didn't ask for any of this.â They said she's getting worse.
The Magika Supreme was the one who answered. âThe energy Lee Chan stole and imbued her with was corrupted, which is unfortunately why Miss Lee's condition is worsening.â
An idea manifested in your head and you shifted to sit up out of Changmin's hold. âThen can youââ
âYn,â Changmin lamented, predicting where your mind had wandered.
ââsave her? Could you save her? Is there any way?â Someone titled with Magika Supreme must have the power or authority to achieve something like this. Chan's love for his sister fundamentally fueled all of his actions. Every malicious deed he pulled, every incantation he uttered, had been with the intent to save Chaeyoung from a fate she could not control. You wished his desperation hadn't shoved him over the edge; you wished he never had reason to get to such a point.
Amari paused, but not because she was uncertain of the possibility. She passed a glance to her prince, then to Changmin, before returning to you. âOf course, there is always a way, but it would require something in return.â
âName it.â
Changmin grappled onto your arm. âYn, you're walking into another soul bond. Please, just think about this first,â he implored, forcing you to look him in his wide eyes, dark and entreating.
It was reckless, you knew, but Chaeyoung was dying. Her brother tried all his life to lead her from a fate she couldn't control, but it only doomed her more. Were you simply continuing the cycle or could you do something good for her?
âThe difference between your friend's magicââ you and Changmin's attention flitted over to Hongjoong, ââand the Magika Supreme's is that the latter won't be using corrupt magic to steal corrupted energy.â Hongjoong's smile was something warm and reassuring. What an effortless prince he made. âWhatever healing magic she'll use will work without crippling Chaeyoung's health more. Though, I can't promise about side effects; nature is a difficult divinity to fight against.â
Right. You blindly curled your fingers with Changmin's and the touch eased the throbbing in your chest. âWhat would you ask for in return?â
âYou would be called to testify against Chan in our court,â Hongjoong stated, but not unkindly. âTake your time to think about it. I'm sure Changmin has my number.â
In the blink of an eye, Hongjoong and Amari were before you one second, then gone without a trace. A light gust of wind brushed past your face as the only evidence of magic being used. Beneath you, your floors were rid of the summoning circle and candles; and the Book of the Diabolical had disappeared from your table.
You and Changmin took your time returning your room to its former state. Your roommates outside in the main living space had all woken up from their forced slumber, their minds blank of the events leading up to Chan's ambush.
The emptiness in your chest left none to be desired. You sat in bed with your head against Changmin's shoulder, his hand playing with yours while your other rubbed your chest absentmindedly. No matter how much pressure you put, the chasm remained. Staying close to Changmin though remained second nature.
âWhat're you thinking about?â he murmured into your hair.
You tilted your nose up to graze his pulse. âHow I'm going to tell Chaeyoung about this. She deserves to know what happened to Chan, at least.â
Changmin gave a slow nod. âI agree.â
Your eyes flickered up to his. âYou're okay with me telling her? I can leave you out of it.â
âNo, that's okay. She doesn't really know me,â he chuckled, that dimple impressing into his cheek. His smile widened as you leaned over and pressed your lips to it. âAre you feeling alright though? After everything?â
There wasn't much you could express with your words at the moment. How did one describe the loss of a friend? And how did one string together the words to tell someone that they loved them, that they were both the remedy and reason for the pounding of your heart? You did not know either for the time being. âItâll take some getting used to.â
âWhat? The hole in your soul?â He pressed his palm flat against the center of his chest to feel the distant beat of his heart, slow, solid, and steady.
âThat, and not being able to possess you.â
Changmin squawked in indignation. âAnd you say I'm the creep?â
âYou literally still are!â
Both yours and Changmin's laughter lit up the dark, one spurring on the other. Though, if the shadows truly claimed him, then he was the night to your day; the other half for your whole; the one. Even if this entanglement began as an accident, all of the love you held for him was fully intentional. You would keep it safe in your chest, where he would always belong.
[the cast of incantations will return... maybe?]
a/n: IMPORTANT!!! i would like to write a follow-up/sequel to not only continue the plotline, but to also get a chance to better explore minor character dynamics, subplots with loose ends, and the literal fallout of these events because leaving it here is VERY unsatisfying. it would fulfill my creative needs esp since this was written under an extreme time constraint, but i also won't feel inclined to unless u reblog TT so pls. reblog and lmk what u thought ! thank u so much for reading :')
incantations pt2 âșïžâșïž
đđđđđđđđđđđđ â part one
nonidol!ji changmin x f!reader
messing around with demonic rituals isn't exactly how you imagined getting bound to changmin's soul. (note to self: salt circles don't work when you draw the pentagram inside it...)
â· genre, warnings. f2l, technically a college au, demon au (it's different from night terrors i swear. also it's not as intense lol), comedy, suspense/mystery, swearing (a lot... sorry đ), drinking, low fantasy/supernatural elements, mentions of chronic illness, mentions of rituals and pentagrams, self induced soulmates? đ€ but ofc đ, kissing, mentions of blood, very small amount of violence (like one scene), what is a mfking slow burn like who needs to take their time w falling in love i sure don't đ€·đ»ââïž, one allusion to death
â· part word count. 16.3k out of 34.8k / read part two here (ao3 link)
â· inspired by. incantations (composed by richard meyer) it's not like,,, the fic's "soundtrack" or anything. i just think it sounds cool lol
this is my submission for deoboyznet's boyz who bite event! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
a/n: i'm telling u that i resisted the idea of another demon changmin au for ONE WHOLE MONTH. i went through THREE OTHER IDEAS BEFORE FALLING BACK ON THIS DRAFT. I SWEAR. so pls reblog + comment + enjoy! :') and thank u to @justalildumpling as usual for reading this for me đđ
PART I: THE CATALYST
THERE WERE WORSE WAYS TO GO OUT, you supposed. However, the paranormal wasn't a subject you frequented, so sitting atop an ashy-white pentagram wasn't exactly how you expected to be spending a Friday night.
âChangmin, you're always hooting about this shit,â Juyeon said as he peered over his shoulder at the boy lurking in the far corner of the living room. âAre you seriously all bark and no bite?â
No one really paid attention to Changmin's response besides you and Juyeon (kind ofâhe was busy lighting the candles). Technically, it was a new behavior; Changmin was usually the one obsessed with horror movies and the paranormal, constantly getting you all to participate in Halloween horror nights and haunted houses, and bringing his beloved (cursed) Chucky doll to any and every group movie night. But now that you were finally acting on his demonic big talk, all of that stuff and nonsense dissipated like the snuffing out of a candle.
A shadow fell across his face. âI already warned you guys. This isn't something you should be toying around with.â
âIt's a Ouija boardâwhat could go wrong?â Shuhua wrinkled her nose as she began tapping out a circle of salt around your body and the pentagram on the floor. âI saw them on sale at Toys R Us for half off.â
Because you were the last one to arrive tonight, you were chosen as the sacrifice. It wasn't really fair because this was literally Juyeon and Changmin's apartment, but it didn't matter much in the end. You didn't believe in this stuff and it wasn't your salt being wasted. (You were also exempt from venmoing Hyunjae a portion of the paycheck he spent buying candles and chalk. Save fifteen bucks and sit on a pentagram in a salt circle? Why the fuck not.)
âDon't we need to draw blood or something?â you asked, half joking.
âNo.â Changmin's expression somehow grew even darker. Your eyes widened slightly; you'd never seen him so serious. âAbsolutely not. Do you want this to turn out worse?â
âChangmin, dude, you gotta chill, man.â Hyunjae dumped the Ouija board he'd dug out of his parentsâ attic onto the floor next to you, just outside the salt circle.
Shuahua squawked. âOy! You're ruining my perfect circle!â
âJust redo it, dumbass!â
âYou redo it, asshat,â she growled back, tapping out some salt to finish it.
Juyeon, as if to placate your friend, said to Changmin, âThe salt will protect her.â
You blinked. âOh, that's what it's for?â You could've sworn that was what the candles were for, but again, you didn't believe in this, so why would you know a thing about it?
Changmin's face hit the palms of his hands with a resounding slap. âAbsolutely not. You can't have Yn in the circle if she doesn't even know what the Hell is going on.â
âSo do you wanna be in the circle?â
His left eye seemed to twitch as he cocked his head to the side. Something about that movement made a shiver crawl down your spine. The sensation was akin to watching a predator consider its prey from the brush⊠but that wasn't right. Changmin was all dimpled smiles and goofy shenanigans and twinning with his horror doll child. There wasn't anything remotely scary about him, unless you made him mad (you hadn't yet). So why were your inner alarms screaming for you to run? âThat's actually not a bad ideaââ
âOkay!â Hyunjae called his hands together. âLet's get started, shall we?â
The thoughts were brushed beneath the dusty rug in your head. You shrugged at Changmin. âToo late, I guess.â
You thought you heard him mutter out something under his breath in frustration, but you didn't understand the language.
All of your other friends began to gather on the side of the circle where the Ouija board was. You weren't even sure what all the pomp and circumstance was for, but Changmin didn't seem up to correct anything. He continued to sulk in the corner with his arms folded over his chest, eyes shaded by the brim of his cap as he stared onward.
Hyunjae's eyes fluttered closed as he, Juyeon, and Shuhua placed their fingers upon the planchette. âTo the spirits who may be here in this room with usââ
âAnd demons,â Shuhua murmured.
A choked sound came from Changmin's side of the room.
Your eyes flickered open and saw him rub a hand down his face as if he was stressed.
âWe are opening the veil between your world and ours,â Hyunjae continued. âMy name is Hyunjae, and with me are Shuhua, Yn, Juyeon, and Changmin.â
Shuhua inhaled shallowly. âIs there someone here with us?â
The apartment was consumed in a dead silence as the five of you waited. You sat cross-legged in your ring of salt, cheek resting against your fist. Your eyes were drifting to half-mastâitâd been a long day for you, and considering it was approaching midnight already, it was about time you went to bed.
âWe brought you a sacrifice,â Hyunjae said. âWe were wondering if you could tell us your name.â
A chilling breeze brushed past your cheeks and you glanced up, expecting the air conditioning to have caused it. There was no vent above you, however. Strange.
You wrung your hands in your lap. âYou could possess me if you'd like.â
Your eyes joined your friendsâ as you all pinned your gazes to the Ouija board. The planchette remained still.
After a beat, your patience ran thin, and you sat up to lean back on your handsâwasn't something supposed to happen?
The amber glow from the candles in the living room wavered violently. In your surprise, your fingers grated against the salt and hardwood as you nearly fell backward. You yanked your hand back to you at the sting.
The bodies in the room went taut, speechless.
A gust of windâsomething impossible in this enclosed spaceâwhipped past you in a wide circle. The salt circle was no more, the candle flames were snuffed.
You sat stiff as a board. For a moment, you could swear you felt some invisible, foreign weight rest upon your chest. It sank deep into you, a phantom hand reaching into your body as if to latch onto your very soul.
Ba bump ba bump ba bump, your heart drummed wildly in your chest.
Howls and gasps of delight were drowned out by the blood in your ears; they were sounds of awe from your friends. You placed your hand over your sternum in the dark to feel for that unseen force, but there was nothing.
The room flooded with warm light. It chased away the shadows to the furthest corners.
You glanced up and saw Juyeon at the light switch with a boyish grin stretched across his lips. âThat was crazy! Yn, how do you feel?â
Eyes darted to you.
The pentagram beneath you was smudged, the white chalk staining your pants and your hands. You managed a smile, and then a slow nod. What you felt earlier was probably nothing.
âI'm good,â you chirped. You glanced over at Changmin in the corner, his eyes still shaded by the brim of his cap, but with the muscle in his jaw clenched. Why? Why did you look at him? You couldn't fathom why survival instinct had you encoded to turn toward that which was capable of your demise. âYeah, I'm good.â
A yawn tore through you as you stepped into your darkened apartment. Your hand fumbled for the light switch and you tucked your shoes away on the rack, before depositing your keys onto the table with a noisy clatter. The remainder of your time spent at Juyeon and Changmin's had been spent cleaning up the failed ritual, and you hit the road as soon as it was over.
Your roommates were all out for the night, so the apartment was cold and quiet as you stumbled down the hall to your bedroom. Compared to your friends, you'd left rather quickly because of a text you'd received from Lee Chan, a good friend of yours and former neighbor from childhood. His home life hadn't been the most spectacular, so you and he became fast friends during the moments after school when you hung out on your front lawn.
He'd swung by your apartment earlier to drop off banana muffins, but you hadn't been home. I'm home now! But you can totally come by in the morning instead, you texted him after setting your backpack down and peeling off your jacket.
As you sat in the dim gold illuminating from your desk lamp, the pressure in your chest returned. You could feel your heart pick up speed in your ribcage and you lifted your finger up to your mouth to suck on the dollop of blood that had welled to the surface. It was a small scratch from when the candles went outâyour own clumsinessâbut it was nothing a My Little Pony bandaid couldn't fix.
A featherweight sensation drifted over your arm, and you slapped your palm over it as if to catch whatever invisible insect crawled atop your skin.
There was nothing though.
You glanced over at the window to your right. The sky outside was an unpeculiar ebony riddled with the white speckles of distant stars. No breeze drifted in from outdoors and you double-checked that the window was closed.
You startled as your phone vibrated on top of your desk.
dino!!: oh it's okay! i have dance practice early in the morning, so i'd rather bother you while ur still awake haha dino!!: i'll be by in about 10ish min if that's cool? your phone: sounds good lol and tysm :â)) love mingyu's banana muffins
You smiled to yourself at the thought of those delicious pastries. Chan's friend Mingyu baked whenever he was stressed, and he usually gave out the results of his stress-bakes to friends. The first time you'd tasted his banana chip muffins was the closest you would ever get to heaven on Earth.
âI'm glad he makes you smile at least.â
Your phone clattered to the floor, your physical body leaping five feet in the air as your soul flew out of its encasing. Everything in you jolted like one, big heart palpitation, and your wide eyes took in the sight of a person standing by your window.
Ji fucking Changmin had nary an apology on his lips for scaring the everloving Hell out of you. It was as if he hadn't even moved out of his position at his apartment: the crossed arms, the tense posture, the clenched jaw.
Except, his eyebrow was cocked this time, unamused by your very valid fear.
âOh, fuck you.â You braced your palms against your bed as you stood opposite from him. âFuck you, fuck you, and fuck you.â
âI got it the first time.â
You could have blown steam out of your ears. âWhat the fuck are you doing in my room, you creep?â
He raised his palms up, finally breaking pose. âI know what this looks likeââ
âYou know what this looks like?â You let out a scoff, throwing your arm out in wild gesticulation to match the throttle of your heartbeat. âThis looks like Edward Cullen in Twilight, except this isn't a movie, you're not Robert Pattinson, and you just climbed up a five story building!â
Changmin stepped forward, and you took a very obvious step back. He exhaled, pressing his lips together. âOkay, I deserve that,â he muttered.
âNo shit. I should call the cops on you, friend or not. What is the matter with you?â You had known Changmin for as long as your college career thus far. The five of you had met in the freshman dorms and stuck together like a package deal since. You were all quite close, and you'd spent more than your fair share of quality time with Changmin.
But thisânothing could warrant this behavior.
âI need to talk to you about something important.â
You enclosed your palms around your arms, defensive. âThen you call or text or use the front door. My window was lockedââ
âThe lock on your window should be the least of your concerns,â he huffed. There was a firmness in his voice and behind his words, and a matching gleam of desperation in his face. He pressed his fingers against your bedspread and the air seemed to still.
That phantom breeze had returned and it drifted against your arm. It came accompanied by the weight in your chest. âWhat,â you stammered, âdo you mean?â
He glanced away then, that tension seizing his shoulders again. He scratched his jaw seemingly at odds with words. âThe ritual that happened tonight⊠that was real.â
You paused. âYou have got to be shitting me.â
âI'm not.â
âChangmin, I'm way too exhausted to deal with your pranks right now. If tonight was all an elaborate thing you guys did to get back at me for waking you up at 4AMââ
âYn.â The tone of his voice made you stop. It made you think. You considered the graveness of his expression differently; you had never seen him so serious. It was jarring. âI am being incredibly serious. The thing that happened to you tonight? That was a summoning ritual, and you were actually put into contact with Hell.â
You remained quiet, unknowing of how to answer. All logic in your brain was countering his statements profuselyâit wasn't possible. There was no way something as little as chalk, salt, and candles could open up a portal to Hell.
At your lack of response, Changmin continued, âTonight, a line to Hell was opened. The ritual was meant to contact a demonic entity. Usually, ritualists use it to make deals and bargains with whoever answers the call. The human linkâthe 'sacrificeââ âhe looked at you pointedlyâ âis one half of the signing party responsible for fulfilling whatever the bargain is.â
A shudder rattled down your spine at what he revealed to you. This had to be a joke, you thought. This could not be real. But every time you looked at Changmin, the expression on his face did not change and his voice did not waver.
You swallowed, hard. âSo,â you said finally, your voice barely a whisper, âyou're sayingâŠâ
A lone nod. âYou made contact with a demon tonight.â He paused for a beat, something warring behind his eyes. âYou made contact with me.â
What. You sputtered out a laugh.
Changmin released a small, but sharp exhale, patiently waiting for you to let your giggles out. There were undoubtedly better ways to reveal it, but any way would still evoke such a reaction from you.
âOkay, now I know you're fucking with me,â you said with the lingering curl of a smile on your face. âYou're saying that you're a demon?â
He seemed to weigh an idea in his head for a millisecond before caving. He flicked his chin out toward you. âYou cut yourself tonight?â
You flinched and instinctively curled your right hand, your other fingers running over the small slice in your index finger. âWhat?â
âCome on. Let me see.â At your balking, he lifted up his hand. âI bet you I have a matching mark.â
Your eyes narrowed. âWhat hand and where?â
âRight hand. Index.â
âThis doesn't count because that's the most predictable hand and finger.â
He rolled his eyes. âYn, don't be silly. I literally have the same mark.â
Slowly, he stepped his way around the bed to your side, stopping only close enough where you could inspect his hand from a distance. Lo and behold, the flesh of his index finger was neatly sliced open, slightly diagonal in the top right quadrant of the fingerâexactly where yours was.
The breeze returned like a cool breath, gentle against your cheek, as you raised your eyes to meet his again. The horror in your gaze must have confirmed that he'd convinced you of whoânoâwhat he was.
âSo what does this mean exactly?â you asked him. There were no giggles this time.
Changmin sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. âWe are now bound via soul,â he said and extended his hand out slightly. His fingers curled inward and he gave a tugging motion level with your chest, and something deep within you moved.
Your eyes went as wide as a full moon. âWhat the HellâŠâ
âThat's the line we're connected by.â
âI'm on a leash?â
Changmin glanced toward the ceiling as if mentally counting to three, then took a breath. âNot a leash; it's just a line. That's what was created between us when I became the demon on the other end and you spilled your blood on the pentagram. It doesn't mean we're restrained to stay within physical proximity of one another, but it does mean that you can't run away and hide from me.â
You shuddered. âThat sounds scary.â
âIt would be if you didn't fulfill your end of a bargain, but you never made a bargain.â He lifted his baseball cap up to card a hand through his blond hair before replacing the hat on his head. âWhich basically means that we're stuck like this. We are emotionally and metaphysically bound to one another.â
There were a lot of words that had been said over the past few minutes, and most of them were difficult to wrap your head around. The worst truth of all was the brief, but very real sensation you had felt when Changmin had tugged on the invisible link between the two of you. That weight on your chest from earlier⊠had that been the âbondâ settling into place?
âHow could sitting on a chalk pentagram evenâ âyou waved your hands around as you attempted to formulate wordsâ âhow was all of that possible? I thought Ouija boards were fucking toys?â
âI told you guys that you shouldn't play around with those things.â
âWell, how the Hell were we supposed to know this was going to happen?â you countered. The four of you had done some innocent fooling around, and now, you were âemotionally and metaphysically boundâ to Changmin. Whatever the fuck that meant.
Changmin sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. âWe can undo it. I think.â
You think? âHow?â
âIâI need to do some research,â he said with a grimace. âI've never heard about instances like this and I didn't think it was even possible. I thought I could just intercept the callââ
Intercept the call? You shook your head. âI need you to start from the beginning, but slowly, as if you're speaking to a five year old.â
He opened his mouth to retort, then stopped abruptly.
A change in expression flickered across his face. It was brief, almost instinctual. You swore it looked like mild irritation, but it was gone before you could be sure. âYou should probably answer the door.â
âAnswer the what?â
You nearly yelped at the sound of loud knocking at the apartment door. Confusion pummeled you first, then you were swearing. âChan.â You forgot he was stopping by.
âI'll be right back,â you said, moving toward the bedroom door.
âItâs fine. I need to go looking for answers.â Changmin stopped you before you went out, and you couldn't suppress the violent shudder when the invisible line in your chest pulled taut. âAnd Yn? Don't do anything stupid.â
You made a face at him from over your shoulder. âI'm already soul-bound to you by accident. How much more stupid can this get?â
He threw his hand up in the air. âJust don't do anything Hyunjae or Shuhua would do. Actually, just don't tell any of them about what I just told you.â
Why not? You were about to ask when you heard Chan's voice at the door calling out to you. Another swear fell from your mouth and you rushed out into the hallway to rip the door off its hinges.
Chan startled as it opened, his eyes going wide like a deer's in the bright hallway lights. There was a loose blue hoodie hanging over his green dinosaur pajama pants. He had his phone in his hands along with a paper bag undoubtedly carrying the legendary banana muffins. âOh, hi. Sorry, is someone here with you? I thought I heard another voice.â
You braced a hand around the doorframe. Don't tell anyone. âAh,â you winced, the lie curling up your tongue, âI was just on a call with a friend and he wouldn't shut up. Sorry about the wait.â
âNo, it's no worries,â he insisted with a classic, easygoing smile. It made the adrenaline in your veins calm somewhat. Chan had always been a good presence to be around. There was something perpetually warm about his persona that made you want to stay in his orbit. âOh, right!â He handed you the bag. âThese are all yours. Mingyu says to let him know how they taste this time around, as always.â
As you accepted the bag, your face lit up like a Hollywood billboard. âI can guarantee that they will taste as divine as always. Tell him thanks for meâ âyou glanced up sheepishly from the paper bagâ âand also, thanks for stopping by. I wish I was home earlier so you didn't have to drive all the way back.â
You didn't realize your face had contorted into a grimace. If only you had come straight home instead of indulging your friendsâ curiosity tonight. Then, you would have been here with the banana muffins and one less soul-bond to worry about; and you would have been none the wiser to the fact that one of your college friends was a demonic entity.
Hadn't Changmin mentioned that you were now emotionally and metaphysically bound? Did that mean he could feel your emotions?
The smile had long since slipped from your face, but now your hands grew cold. When you got your muffins just now, did he knowâ
âYn?â You perked up at the sound of your name. Chan's hand froze midair, then retracted back to his pocket. Concern shone on his face as stark as day. âAre you okay? You look like you just forgot you have something due tonight,â he chuckled half-heartedly, but the sheen in his eyes told a different story.
âOh.â You forced out a laugh. âI'm fine! Yeah, I was just reminded of something. Actuallyâuhm, I shouldn't hold you up for any longer. It's getting late.â
Chan stared at you for a moment longer, and for that seemingly infinitesimal second, you feared he could see the invisible knot tied to your ribcage. âRight,â he said suddenly while shaking his head. âYou should get some sleep.â
Your hand reached for the doorknob. âThanks for dropping by again.â
âWaitâ âhis palm pressed against the door to keep you from closing itâ âare you sure you're okay?â
It was as if your guilt was written in plain words across your forehead: No! I just became magically handcuffed to one of my demonic friends! And I also sat in a pentagram salt circle less than two hours ago! Please help me!
You channeled all your energy into a convincing smile. âYes, I promise I'm okay. Have a good night, Chan.â
It was enough. That easygoing beam graced your eyes once more and he took his hand back. âOkay,â he said, âgood night.â He waved to you as he turned on the ball of his foot, and you waited until he turned the corner before closing the door.
Your entire body deflated as you let out a rather dramatic sigh. That sigh turned into a loud groan, which eventually escalated into a borderline scream.
Like a woman possessed (would possession have been a better outcome than this?), you slunk back into your bedroom with your treasures in your grasp. âHey,â you muttered as you kicked the door closed, âI'm⊠back.â
The room was vacant. Not a trace of the blond demon could be found.
âSon of a gun.â You settled into your desk chair and pulled out one of Mingyu's stress-baked muffins. As you peeled the parchment wrapper from the muffin's bottom half, you attempted to process all that had occurred within the past two hours. Every time you rewound the events, you met the same dozen or so questions. If only Changmin were still here to answer them, but he mentioned something about going off to answer questions of his own, including ones pertaining to undoing this rather inconvenient situation youâd found yourselves in.
âHe should have stopped us,â you garbled between bites of banana chip muffin.
Your chewing came to a gradual halt as you marinated on that thought. âHe⊠should have stopped us.â Why didn't he stop the four of you? If he had stopped you and suggested a movie instead, or any other activity for that matter, you wouldn't be here and he wouldn't be stressed.
He should have stopped you since he knew what you were getting yourselves into.
You crumpled the now empty muffin wrapper in your fist. Ji Changmin had far too much to explain to you.
PART II: THE CONSEQUENCES
IF THERE WAS NO REST FOR THE WICKED, Changmin didn't want to be wicked anymore. By popular perception, he and half his heritage were âevil.â While his father was a human from this mortal plane, his mother hailed from one of the nine circles of Hell. They'd fallen in love, conceived a halfling child, and the remainder was history.
âYou look like shit, Ji.â
Changmin's eye twitched as irritation needled beneath the surface of his skin. âThanks,â he drawled, not bothering to spare Lee Chan a glance. If he had limited energy reserves, he wasn't about to spend a drop on giving Chan the time of day.
Plus, Changmin was more than aware of the thick shadows that lingered beneath his eyes like fog clinging to cobblestone. He had woken up from his ninety minute power nap, trudged into the bathroom, and faced his own gauntness in the mirror. Why the fuck did Lee Chan think it necessary to point it out?
Chan's stare lingered on him through the practice room's mirror for a moment longer until he was called away by Kwon Soonyoung. Only then, when Chan's attention was passed elsewhere, could Changmin release the breath he was holding onto.
It was one thing that Changmin couldn't shake the offputting energy he felt whenever he was near Chan; he could stomach being on the same dance team as the guy, even though they each harbored an unspoken dislike for one another; but it was another thing entirely that he and Chan were both friends with you. The two boys attempted to be civil in front of you because your comfort was more important than their pettiness, but currently, said truce was nowhere in sight just as you were.
Simply, there were less reasons for him to be amiable today, including his thinning patience. Last nightâs debacle had drained him of his energy. He was a halfling, not a pure-blooded demon. Additionally, his mother wasnât a high-ranking demon by any means, which basically screwed him in the area of power stores. He had magical capabilities, but it could only handle so much. Answering ritual calls and creating soul bonds required a decent amount of power, which was why they were usually only answered by the more powerful demonheads of Hell. They enjoyed making human suffering a pastime.
Tacking onto that Changminâs brilliant idea of warping into and out of your room last night instead of using his own two feet, as well as spending hours digging through the occultish corners of the internet, added all together to make for one exhausted, stressed, and grumpy halfling.
A presenceâthis one being far more welcome than the previous oneâappeared by Changminâs side in the mirror. âYou really need to start going to bed when you say you're going to bed,â Juyeon said as plopped down onto the laminated hardwood to stretch out his calf muscles.
Changmin followed his lead onto the floor, but opted to slide into a left split. âI was tossing and turning the whole night,â he dismissed with an innocent lie. (Well, âinnocentâ was subjective.)
âYou should try this new matcha that Hyunjae got from his hyung. He brought it back from his recent trip from Japan.â
For a second, Changmin let the words feed into his head one by one: matcha⊠from Hyunjae⊠from Hyunjae's brother⊠which one was he? Oh, the one who just got back from Japan, Sangyeon. When his tired brain finally caught up, he gave a nod. âWhat about it?â he asked, raising himself up to switch his hips into the right split.
Juyeon looked on with envious admiration, even if this was the thousandth time he stretched with Changmin. âItâs really refreshing and has a bit of a caffeine kick, but it's not as awful as coffee. Indigo likes it, tooâsaid something about it being one of those rare finds that you can only get in the secluded countryside or something.â
Changmin paused. Juyeon's girlfriend Indigo was someone Changmin got along with well, but that wasn't why he was slightly interested in the matcha now. What Juyeon wasn't aware of was Indigo's witch heritage. Just as Changmin was hiding in plain sight, so too was Indigo. And if she recommended some countryside matcha powder, he was going to be inclined to try some.
âYeah,â he coughed, âsure. Sounds like it wouldn't hurt to try.â
Pleased with the outcome of the conversation, Juyeon smiled and nodded. âI'll get you some later today then. Hopefully it'll help with the weird headaches you've been having, too.â
Changmin had nearly forgotten about those with everything that had happened. He'd recently been struck by random headaches; there were no patterns to their appearance, and no remedyâhuman, at leastâthat could soothe them until they faded on their own. He'd failed to ask Indigo about it because, well, he didn't think it was important enough to act on. But if this tea could help him out, then it would be taking out two birds with one stone.
Practice went on swimmingly. Though Changmin could only boast about his ninety minutes of sleep, when it came to dance, it was as if he was possessed. This was a hobbyâa passionâthat never failed to drive a fire through his veins. It didn't matter if he'd had the worst week in the history of worst weeks; when the music started, he was cued in, and he gave it his all.
As a river of sweat poured down his face and the room suffocated with the humidity of everybody's labored breathing, practice came to an end. Changmin hiked his duffle bag over his shoulder and poured water down his throat. Juyeon wasn't far behind as the two of them waved goodbye to their teammates and headed out.
Saturday mornings usually occurred in similar fashions: dance practice was held from 7AM to 10AM, then Changmin and Juyeon would return to their apartment to wash up; Changmin would then eat about an elephant's worth of food while he caught up on lecture recordingsâunless he had something else to distract him.
In the case of this Saturday, as soon as Changmin had finished showering, he plummeted face-first into his pillows and was out like a light.
Demons could dream, one must understand. However, the demonic body tended only to dream when it was well spentâexhausted. Demons liked to correlate a weakness with having dreams, because foolish visions meant that one was unable to control their own mind. Control was rather important when dealing with magic.
Even if the dream was about, say, something real and occurring right at the moment Changmin was asleepâit was still considered a dream. Because he had not yet learned to leash his mind from meandering down his fresh soul bond, he found himself in a body that was not his own.
Yours. It was your body.
Was this real, he wondered, as he soaked in the familiar sight of your bed, the desk, and the closet space. He'd been in here just last nightâalbeit, in a fashion that wasn't agreeableâand he didn't expect it to change, but it did look real.
It was like he was actually sitting in your room, except he wasn't able to move or control his own body. The heart that beat in his chest was yours, the blood that pumped in his ears was yours, and the breath that fell from his mouth was yours.
He inwardly sighed as you adjusted your position at your desk chair. What a predicament he found himself in. He could feel the ache in your back from the uncomfortable piece of furniture beneath you, as well as the knots in your shoulders. (Did that mean you had a bad night of sleep?)
Though, it wasn't all bad, he supposed. He did adore the smell of your perfume lingering in the air and clinging to the sheets, the walls, the furniture⊠You would never know this of course, if he could help it.
You were currently reading a bookâfor class or for enjoyment, he hadn't the foggiest. The left side of the novel you clutched in your hand was riddled with colored sticky tabs, and you had the back of a ballpoint pen pressed between your lips. (His lips? âŠNo, this was a precarious line of thinking.)
Changmin followed along as you read. Well, he tried. Whoever designed the layout of this book must have had perfect vision and no sympathy for someone visually challenged. The font size was likely less than ten point, and good grief, the line spacingâ
âHoly shit.â
He paused. Right, that was you and not him.
You leaned forward and brought the book closer to your face as you read over the line again.
âOh my gosh, Eliot, you incredible, talented woman.â This earnest compliment was swiftly followed by a colored tab to mark the passage. Changmin was about to read what you tabbed, but your eyes went down to the desk to scrawl a thought onto a post-it note. âDorothea, you poor, poor soul. Casaubon needs to get the fuck over himselfâyou are fifty, dude.â
Changmin, frankly, had no clue what was happening. But he didn't entirely mind, because the pure joy that fluttered in your (his) chest was enough to keep him satisfied. There was something oddly serene about being in your sphere of presence, and in this state of being, that kept him at ease.
The stress of breaking this soul bond ebbed away like the receding edge of a tide.
Alas, all good things had to come to an end. Changmin couldn't tell how much time passed before you bookmarked your place with an index card and pulled your phone toward you.
12:04PM was what your lockscreen read.
Oh, so he was definitely catching up on sleep, at least.
Waitâhad you not eaten lunch yet? The unmistakable void in the pit of your stomachâŠ
Yn! Eat lunch, you silly girl! Eatâ
âHe could just be away from his phone,â you muttered to yourself. There were a few app notifications waiting for you, but each dismissal was fueled with mild disappointment.
Who were you talking about, he wondered.
A flash of bitter annoyance pierced his chest at the memory of who you'd been texting last night with that big smile on your face. However, any of that sentiment was dashed clean away when you pulled up your text chain with him, not Lee Chan.
Changmin's heart sped to a gallop as he watched you swipe out just as quickly as you'd checked in. The reason was two-pronged: one, you were wondering about him; and two, you had texted him while he was currently asleep and he did not know how to wake himself up.
Ji Changmin, he chastised himself, you're not only intruding, you're also inadvertently ignoring her.
He could understand that he put you (and abandoned you) in a worrisome place last night. If he could tear out the strands of his fried, blond hair he would.
You were his friend, were you not? He cared about you, and this soul bond wasn't only stressful to him, but to you as well. Maybe ignorance really would have been bliss in this case.
Your phone emitted a low vibration as it rang. Changmin had missed the moment you decided to call someone. Juyeon's contact name and photo was displayed in the middle of the screen, and he answered before the call went to voicemail. âYn, what's up? You'reâyouâre not mad about last night, are you?â The wince in Juyeonâs voice was audible.
âNo, I'm not mad,â you promised him as you leaned your cheek against your palm. âI was just wondering if you know where Changmin is. I texted him an hour ago and he hasn't answered yetâI guess I'm just a little antsy.â
Shuffling, then, âOh! Changminnie's sleeping. He didn't sleep well last night, so as soon as we came home from practice, he was knocked out.â
Relief made your shoulders sag. âAh, okay.â A smile, self-deprecating in nature, curled up on your mouth. âNo worries then. Thanks, Juyo.â
âNo problem. I'll let him know to call you once he wakes up.â
âNo, it's okayâ âyou began putting your materials awayâ âhave you had lunch yet? I can swing by with food; I haven't eaten yet.â
âReally? I haven't eaten yet, and Changmin hasn't either. I'll split the cost with you.â Changmin wished he could say that he would also split the cost. Why were you coming over? He hadn't gotten a good look at the texts you sent before.
(It had to be because you wanted to see him, right? To talkâof course to talk and not for any other reason.)
You stood up from your chair and stretched out the stiff muscles in your back. âI'll be by inâmaybe twenty or thirty minutes?â
âSounds great!â Juyeon chirped. âThanks Yn-ie. See you in a bit.â
You let out a small laugh. âYeah, see you.â
As the call cut off, Changmin was left with a daunting task: to wake himself up. There didn't seem to be many options as to do this. If demonic dreaming was activated based on lack of control, that meant he had a lack of energy. Thus, if he couldn't yet regain control, it could only mean that he was still tired.
There were a great many things that he had yet to figure out about this kind of magic. It wasn't like his mother ever anticipated he would need to know about it, so she never explicitly taught it and he never asked.
He was kicking himself in the head now.
Meanwhile, you had busied yourself with getting ready to leave. You'd selected a jacket from your closet, swiped on a thin layer of lip gloss, and spritzed yourself with that divine-smelling perfume. It made his toes curl and his chest feel fuzzy.
Just as you were filling your purse, your phone jolted with an incoming call.
Changmin soured as he saw the caller ID through your eyes and felt, not disdain, but pleasant surprise. He couldn't fathom what you saw in Lee Chan, but he never said anything; you and Chan knew each other longer, after all. It wasn't his place to say anything, especially when his reason revolved around something as subjective as a âvibe.â
âHi Chan,â you greeted when you accepted the call.
It was funnyâa dull, but annoyingly familiar pulsing appeared in Changmin's head. It beat steady against his cranium, hard and relentless. The longer it continued, the more it hurt. Could you feel it, too? The sensation was recognizable at this point after so many instances of the random headaches popping up. Was he seriously getting another stupid headache during a dream?
He winced to himself, but suddenly felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach when he heard you audibly grimace.
Was this headache yours or his? Should he be worried?
âWhat was that? Are you okay?â asked Chan from the other side.
Changmin/You clenched your jaw as your vision went spotty for a moment. Your hand whipped out to catch yourself against the table.
Panic seized his chest as you muttered out a reassurance, though unconvincing. The invisible string that tied Changmin to you tightened, stealing the breath right out of his lungs. It was as if his own physical body was yanking him back.
He was waking up.
No, he thought, no I need to make sure she's okayâ
Distantly, he heard yours and Chan's voices. Your words between one another were muddied and distorted to Changmin. Before he could even begin to understand what was happening, his eyes opened.
âI could smell lunch through the door,â Juyeon sang to you in greeting as he eagerly beckoned you into the apartment.
You chuckled, shucking your shoes off under the rack by the door. In your hand, you held onto a large bag containing a box of delectably fragrant fried chicken and fries. Oh, glorious sodium and cholesterol. âYeah, well, imagine my suffering as I was driving over here with it in the car,â you mused.
Juyeon locked the door behind you and took the bag out of your hands.
It was another thing to return to the site of last night's ritual. You'd been in this apartment dozens of times before, but it was difficult to look at the specific spot on the living room floor where the chalk and salt had been. Even if the vacuum cleaner had taken care of all that remained, you couldn't help but choose to sit on the end of the couch farthest from that spot on the floor.
âOh, could I get a glass of water, by the way?â you asked Juyeon as the two of you began taking things out of the bag to lay them out on the coffee table. âI was feeling a bit lightheaded earlier.â
Juyeon's eyebrows creased as he straightened to head into the kitchen. âShit, yeahâof course. You drove here while feeling like that? What if you passed out, Yn-ie?â
You snuck a fry into your mouth, murmuring your thanks as he handed you the cup of water. âI'm fine,â you insisted with a vague wave of your hand, âit was just the blood rushing up to my head, I think. And besides, you were already expecting me and I was hungry.â
âI would have woken Changmin up and dragged his ass out of bed.â Juyeon settled onto the couch with you and cracked open the can of Sprite he'd gotten out of the fridge. âYou know, Changmin's been getting these random headaches, too. I guess not exactly nausea, but you guys have gotta be more careful,â he waved a fried potato at you as he said this.
The irony could not escape you, and you failed to keep a sarcastic smile to yourself. Uh huh. Be more careful, you say? Too late for that. You took a ginger sip of the water. âIs that right? Maybe he just needs more sleep or something.â
âThat's what we thought at first,â Juyeon hummed, idly scratching the back of his neck, âbut they happen no matter what he does. There's not really a noticeable pattern.â
You wondered if it had anything to do with his demoness. You couldn't be too sure because you hardly knew anything about his species yourself, but that could explain the seemingly randomness of the headaches. Perhaps it was another question to add to your list.
âHuh.â You frowned. âWell, I hope they go away for him soon.â
Juyeon nodded solemnly. âYeah, same. Hyunjae's gonna bring over some matcha for him to try⊠oh, hey! You like matchaâdo you want some?â
âSure, I'd loveââ
Your phone buzzed violently in your jacket pocket. A laugh of disbelief flew from your mouth when you saw the caller ID, and you flashed the screen at Juyeon. âSpeak of the Devil.â
Juyeon chuckled as you answered. âHello?â
âHey, I'm so sorry I missed your text.â His voice, rough from sleep, was accompanied by heavy breathing and the sounds of fabric shuffling in your ear.
You nearly choked, but you remembered that Juyeon was none the wiser to the weird spike in your heartbeat, nor the reason for it. âIt's all good; I was being impatient. Juyo said you didn't sleep well.â Your eyes darted to his closed bedroom door and wondered why he hadn't come out yet.
âYeah.â A brief pause. âAre youâare you okay?â
âOf course, I'm okay,â you drawled, glancing over at Juyeon. âWhy? Should I not be okay?â
âNo, I meanââ His voice in your ear and behind his bedroom door overlapped one another like two ocean waves colliding along the sand. His door ripped open.
Changmin stood on the threshold with his phone in one hand and the other clutching the doorknob. He was in a loose white T-shirt and sweatpants, a thin layer of sweat making his cheekbones shine. His eyes, a wild creature of their own, landed on youâall of the tension in his body melted away.
He exhaled and sank against the doorframe, ending the call. âHellâŠâ he muttered under his breath as he dragged a hand through his hair.
Concern had you rising to your feet. âWhat? What's wrong?â
Changmin closed his bedroom door behind him and collapsed onto the couch somewhere between you and Juyeon. âBad dream,â he grunted. âHow much are we splitting?â The latter was asked as he shoved a fry into his mouth and pulled out the Venmo app on his phone.
You and Juyeon exchanged glances over the blond head: what just happened?; you think I know?
Juyeon sent you a shrug. âWell Yn?â
Now their focus was on you. You took your seat again and reached for your glass of water. âTen bucks each.â
All of the food that you brought turned into crumbs faster than Cinderella's carriage at midnight. Considering all three of you had barely eaten all day, it was expected. At some point, Juyeon dipped out of the apartment to meet someone for a group project, so that left you and Changmin alone. It was the perfect opportunity to get what you came here for.
âYou left pretty abruptly last night,â you said to him as you returned to the couch with a full glass of water. Changmin stood nearly opposite to you, his back against the wall by his bedroom door. He also nursed a cup of water. âAnd I have some questions.â
He let out a small laugh, his lips pressing his dimples into his cheeks. âI'm sure you do. Sorry, I realized that after I left,â he admitted and raised his free hand up to grab the back of his neck. âSo shoot.â
It was strange, you thought. There was no way this guy could be a demon, but was that leaning into stereotype? Last night, that feeling you got when he looked at you from beneath the shadow of his cap⊠your hairs had stood on their ends and you couldn't shake the spike of adrenaline in your bloodstream. It had been undeniable.
But here he was with a pretty, boyish smile as if he was a completely different person.
âWhat did you mean by 'intercept the call?â What exactly happened during the ritual last night?â you asked.
The smile slipped from his face a little, and his eyes flitted over to the spot you had been sitting twelve hours ago. âLike I said,â he began, âyou opened a line to Hellâlike a phone call, basically. I channeled enough energy to answer it before anyone else from Hell could. And instead of, y'know, appearing in front of you like another demon would, I was already there and just chose to stay quiet when the candles went out.â
You straightened. âSo the breeze in the room was your doing?â
Changmin cocked his head to the side with a wince. âI think so? At least, I can't control it yet. Think of it as a physical manifestation of power.â
A physical manifestation of powerâyou imagined last night's scene from Changmin's point of view, where he stood in the far corner. He would have focused his energy toward the breach between the worlds, and that fulfillment swept through the room like a gust of wind. But then what about all the other times? That moment wasn't the only other instance of a cool breeze on your skin.
When you brought this up to him, Changmin pressed his lips together. âAh. This?â
On cue, something lightweight and cool brushed past your cheek. Your hand darted up to cover it, and you looked over at Changmin who arched a brow at you. âYou get creepier and creepier the more I know you.â
His mouth burst at the seams with a smile. He ducked his blond head, shaking it. You were missing some kind of joke here. âDon't speak too soon,â he said. When he raised his head back up, he ran his tongue over his smile. âIt happens when I want it to, it happens when I don't want it to. Just depends.â
âGreat.â
âI'll get it under control,â he promised.
You leaned forward onto your knees and pressed your mouth into a slight pout. âIs there anything I can do to bug the shit out of you? This seems like it's only entertaining for you.â
âWell,â Changmin shrugged helplessly, âthat's kind of the point of why demons started to do this. They find humans entertaining, and they also like to hold them accountable. The lineâ âhe gave a gentle tug at the invisible string you still couldn't findâ âis an insurance policy.â
âSaying it like that just implies it's that much harder to work your way around it.â
âPretty much.â A grin split his face, and you were struck by the ease you smiled back without having meant to. âDon't look too excited now.â
You flattened your face and voice. âI'm thrilled.â
Before Changmin could respond, you suddenly remembered the main question that plagued you last night. You cleared your throat, your fingers dancing around the sides of your glass. âBy the way⊠why didn't you stop us last night?â You watched his facial expression and how it was carefully knitted into something blank. âIf you knew what was going to happen, you could have insisted we stopped, and we would have. Why let us get to this point?â you asked, gesturing between the two of you.
Changmin's throat bobbed as he swallowed. âI was pretty confident that I could intercept it, so there wasn't any real risk with doing the ritual if you guys wanted to have fun. I just didn't count onâŠâ He lifted his right hand, where the pinkish scar was left on his index finger.
He hadn't counted on you getting cut and sealing the bond.
You pinched the space between your eyes. âAh. My clumsiness has now doomed me to be metaphysically handcuffed to you.â
âI wasn't going to say itâŠâ
âOh, go to Hell.â
Changmin laughed. âOnly if you come with me.â
Heat rushed to the surface of your skin. Sometimes, his mouth moved too fast. You snuck a glance at him through your fingers while he sipped on his water. If you peered close enough, the tips of his ears were flushing to a light pink.
He lowered the glass from his lips, and a crease formed between his brows. âAlso,â he said carefully, his tone starkly different from less than a minute ago, âI do have another side effect to add to the list.â
Your stomach flipped. Not another thingâ
âI may or may not be able to occupy your physical body when I'm dreamingââ
Changmin grimaced as the bottom of your glass banged against the wooden coffee table. That expression only deepened at the wide-eyed furyâfearâon your face. âAnd when I was asleep earlier,â he continued on, dooming himself to walk the plank, âI kind of intruded on your reading session, and when you called Juyeon, and when Chan callââ
âCan I murder you? Would that harm me in any way?â you cut in.
His mouth was open, but no words were coming out.
You stood, abandoning your seat on the couch and your water glass, to step across the room toward him. âBecause if I could,â you said while pressing the back of your knuckles to your lips, âI can rid myself of the absolute creep of a friend I have!â
Changmin's eyes widened as soon as it hit himâyour hand. Your hand hit his shoulder.
He bolted.
âHey, let's talk about this, Yn-ah!â he exclaimed and dove into the kitchen to duck behind the counter. Some monstrously high-pitched scream left his mouth as he scrambled to stay out of your reach.
âWe are talking about this, Changmin-ah.â You charged after him, chasing him around the counter and back out of the kitchen. If you didn't respect Juyeon like you did, you would have fully embraced becoming a bull in a china shop.
Your fist hit the solid plane of his bedroom door just as it slammed in your face. You let out a sound suspiciously close to a growl. âYou possessed my body without my consent!â
âIt's not like I consented to it either! It just happened!â
âThat's not a valid excuse, you panini head!â
âI don't want to possess your body!â he insisted through the door with his voice going higher than the Eiffel Tower. âWhy would I want to possess your body? I don't wanna be around when you and bestie Lee Chan gush about Star Trek.â
On certain occasions you really wished you had Superman's laser vision. Then you could burn through this stupid piece of door and roast a demon. âYou're not helping yourself, Ji.â
A beat passed. âLook,â he huffed. âIt only happened because I was exhausted as shit, okay? I really had no control of it, I swear on my life.â
You remained still with your arms braided across your chest without a word coming to mind.
âI didn't see anything sensitive, I promise, and my body woke me up and pulled me out of it when you got that really bad headache.â
Huh? That bout of lightheadedness⊠was that related to how the connection was severed? Or at least, hindered? You brushed the curiosity aside; weren't you supposed to be mad at this guy?
âWhich was also why I was worried when I woke up and asked if you were okay,â he added in earnest. He did look worried like you were going to die when he woke upâŠ
You glared impetuously at the closed door to the point you were sure even the wood grains were two seconds from apologizing to you. âOkay, fine,â you relented. âBut you're not fully off the hook; I just won't use the kitchen knives.â
A choking sound filtered through and you felt the corners of your mouth tug upward.
âWhat can I do to make it even?â Changmin asked, though he continued to remain behind the closed door.
Frankly, there weren't many things he could do to even the score unless you chose to be creepy and sit in on his private moments. You shudderedâyouâd rather not. Those were private for a reason. Maybe he could burn his eyes out with bleach. (Kidding⊠ish.) âI don't know,â you said half-heartedly, âtell me a secret.â
A moment of silence passed. âI thought it was hot when you asked if you could kill me.â
Not even an ounce of shame with this one, huh? âYou're sick. I'm leaving.â
For the second time today, his bedroom door ripped open. âNo, wait, I was kidding! Yn, I was kidding.â (He was not kidding).
You stopped, half-whirled around. In your periphery, he stepped out of his room, but refrained from getting too close. When you turned around fully, the red that dusted his cheekbones was unmistakable. Unfortunately, seeing him flustered was enough for you at the moment.
With a feigned, heavy sigh, you motioned to him. âC'mere.â
Changmin perked up like a confused puppy.
âCome here,â you repeated with more urgency this time. You curled your hand toward you to beckon him closer.
He crept closer to you. There was a gleam of uncertainty and suspicion in his eyes as you continued to gesture at him closer⊠and closer still. Your heart throttled against your ribcage; your physical body was even unsure of what exactly you had in mind.
Only once his face was close enough you could count his eyelashes were you satisfied. You could hear him gulp.
And maybe you let the moment linger too long. His gaze flickered away from your eye contact for a heartbeat, eyelashes fluttering as he considered something out of the bounds of friendship.
You raised your hand up to his forehead and flicked him between his eyes. Hard.
Changmin yelped and fumbled backward to the boisterous sound of your laughter. He rubbed his forehead furiously where an angry, red mark formed and smarted. He snarled at you, âNot cool!â His face was nearly as red as the mark⊠oops.
âThat's what you get!â you countered with an accusing finger. âNow. Promise me you'll never purposely possess my body in your dreams, you perv.â
A grumble came from the depths of his throatâagreement. âI never did it on purpose,â he mumbled, slapping his hand with yours in a binding handshake. He sounded like a teen boy who's gaming console was just taken away.
âAnd promise me that you will take care of yourself, so that we can get out of this binding thing and so that you don't accidentally possess me.â
âDidn't you offer to get possessed last night?â Changmin stiffened as the words left his lips. âI didn't mean that! Don't get the kitchen knives!â
His giggles pierced the air, sharp but endearing, as he scrambled back into his room with you clinging to his heels. âOr get the kitchen knivesâitâs kind of hot.â
âJi Changmin.â
PART III: THE RELATIVE
WHEN YOU APPEARED IN YOUR 8:30 biopsychology lecture on Monday morning, you had nearly forgotten that the world had not completely turned upside down when you bound your soul to Changminâs. No one else but you and he knew about it, and it seemed he was determined to keep it that way. Nonetheless, when you settled in your usual seat about midway up the lecture hall, close to the exit on stage right, you looked into Yeh Shuhuaâs terrifyingly beautiful eyes and almost blurted your secret.
It was because of that reason, and the fact that she was one of your close friends. She was one of the participants of the ritual; it was only right that you disclosed to her the consequences of all your actions. However, the reminder from Changmin echoed in your head like a dull heartbeat: Donât tell any of them. Donât do something stupid like Hyunjae or Shuhua. He realized that âstupidâ applied to him, too, right?
âYou seem antsy,â were her first words to you as you finally decided on how you would roll up your jacket. It had taken a couple tries and configurations before you settled on just draping it over the chair behind you.
You straightened in your chair. Perhaps subtlety was not with you this morning. âMy coffee was too strong,â you said.
She snorted, a bright and unassuming sound, as she pulled her laptop out from her bag. âHoney, you donât drink coffee.â
âŠRight. You let the words sink in to properly register your dumbassery, then settled on the most basic excuse known to college students. âItâs too early for this.â
âAmen.â Conversation saved.
When you first signed up for this class, you were under the impression that it would be a riveting insight into the brain and its inner workings. Alas, your professor from Psych101 did you a disservice by testifying to Psych210âs interest factor, because it was entirely lacking in interesting things. The majority of what was being discussed in lecture could be read about via the slides, but unfortunately, participation was mandatory. Even worse was that this class was the prerequisite to the neuroscience class that was actually interesting.
You didnât like to critique the teaching skills of a professor who was meant to research and not to teach, but you were going to for the umpteenth time.
Beside you, Shuhua barely swallowed a yawn and hid the last bits of it behind the lid of her coffee tumbler. She took a sip, then leaned over to you. âIâm pretty sure I learned all of this in freshman year biology.â
âIs that right,â you murmured. You hadnât taken the introductory biology series because you were only minoring in psychology, whereas Shuhua was a neuroscience major. âYou must really be suffering then.â
Her head slowly touched down onto your shoulder. âTell me about it⊠by the way, did you hear about the house party thatâs happening on Saturday?â
You hummed. âWhoâs hosting?â House parties were usually something you needed to be a part of a friend group to be invited to. Though, that was usually the case for all parties in college, youâd found out. Fraternity parties were oftentimes exclusive to Greeks, or if you knew a frat brother or sorority sister. Other parties were spread by word of mouth and required an entrance fee that amounted to a fraudulent sum of money. Thus, if you went to any party, it was either a house party hosted by a friend of a friend, or one of your friendsâ birthday parties.
âHm⊠itâs my family friendâs kidâs friend group.â She paused, then clarified her statement, âYangyang. You know Yangyang, right?
You made a sound of acknowledgement. âIsn't he friends with Xiaojun, Kevin, and Yuqi, that group?â
âThat's the one,â she chirped. âBut he only lives with Xiaojun and a couple other guys. It's a house in one of the neighborhoods nearby.â
âI see. Are we going?â
âOf course we are, silly.â Shuhua blindly patted one of your hands and you imagined that her eyes were likely already closed. You and your friends were accustomed to forcing one another to socialize outside the group from time to time; it made the college riptide a bit easier to swim through. âI just didn't know if you were aware or not yet.â
âWell, now I am,â you chuckled.
âYou sure are.â
The remainder of the lecture went by as dull as it usually did, and 9:30 could not come faster. You and Shuhua bumbled out of the packed auditorium among the crowd of others filing out.
A yawn stretched your mouth open as you checked your phone. âYou've got a class after this, right?â you asked Shuhua.
She nodded. âUnfortunately. Do you wanna have lunch together afterward?â
âAhâ âguilt anchored itself to the pit of your stomach, allowing the urge to spill your secret to dwindleâ âI'm actually hanging out with Changmin today.â Neither of you had terribly busy Mondays, so you both decided to do some solution-hunting together, whatever that meant. He just needed to be back by the time his dance rehearsal started.
Her mouth quirked to the side in a slight frown. âOh, okay. Just you two?â
âYep.â
For a second, you thought she was gazing right into your soul where the invisible knot was tied linking you to your mutual friend. But she suddenly smiled and blew you a kiss. âNo worries! Have fun.â
You blinked, the anxiety lingering. âYeah⊠thanks. You, too.â
Shuhua left first to hurry off to her next class while you remained in the lobby. You had fully expected that she would at least ask what the two of you were doing, and you were prepared to come up with another dumb excuse. It wasn't suspicious that you and Changmin were hanging out alone, right? There were plenty of instances where you hung out solo with your close friends.
You brushed it away. It was the paranoia talking.
You headed toward the nearest parking lot. Because you lived relatively close to campus, there was usually no need to drive, but since you and Changmin were going elsewhere in the city, you opted to drive.
As you settled into the front seat, you sent him a text to let you know you were on your way over to his apartment. It would be convenient if you could somehow use the soul-bond to communicate with him instead, you thought as you navigated through campus to a nearby neighborhood. Alas, based on what Changmin told you before, the bond was more useful to him than it was for you. How wonderful.
You let your car run as you pulled up to the curb outside of his apartment complex. Through the windows on the first floor, a periwinkle sheen caught your eye. There wasnât much doubt in your mind that it was the ribbon Changmin tied to his bicycle. It was his favorite colorânot that you knew that for any particular reason, other than the fact that you were friends. It was useful information for birthday cards, was your reasoning.
Before you could meander down some weird mental road of thoughts, the passenger side door opened and closed. Your counterpart was dressed in dark green today: dark green sweater, a darker but muted shade of cargo pants, followed by a matching cap shoved over his blond hair. âHi,â he said, strapping himself in with the seatbelt and setting his bag down by his feet.
He looked particularly pocket-sized today with the cheeky, dimpled smile on his face and you smiled in greeting. âHi!â you chirped back. âWhere to?â
âAn aunt of mine lives downtown. Do you know how to get to Union Station?â
You nodded, tugging the car into drive, âYup. Wow, she lives down by the waterfront?â
âYeah,â he laughed. When he did, he ducked his head so you only caught a glimpse of that dimpled smile. âSheâs married to a siren.â
Your eyes went wide, and his laugh grew louder. You flattened your expression into a deadpan as heat rushed to the back of your neck. âDonât laugh,â you muttered. âWhy are you laughing?â
âIâd say for you to not pout then, but itâs cute,â he replied with that smile lingering on his face in the form of a half-smirk. He had pulled his phone out to text someone. âIâm only laughing because I had a feeling youâd react like that, and I was right.â
You huffed. âI feel like Iâm at too much of a disadvantage around you.â
âYou have more power than you think.â Changmin passed you a glance and deposited his phone in the cupholder. He leaned his cheek against his knuckles. âYou just need to exercise it.â
âWell, I canât exactly threaten you with kitchen knives and forehead flicks all the time.â
He shrugged. âThatâs not what I meant, but itâs whatever. How was class?â
Changmin, Juyeon, and Hyunjae were all aware of yours and Shuhuaâs disdain for your shared biopsychology class. The complaints had filed (flooded) in as soon as the first week of classes were over. You could gab on and on about the boredom that plagued you, but you hardly wanted to be a broken record when there were other things to talk about. âIt was fine,â you said, then swiftly moved to something else. âI think I almost told Shuhua, like, twice about the soul bond thing. Why canât we tell them again?â
âDo you really think theyâd believe us?â
You thought about itâabout the twin cuts on your index fingers, the unseen string that tethered your souls together, the dream that Changmin had. They would think Changmin had roped you into his regular shenanigans, and in a way, he had. You sighed, albeit reluctantly. âTrue. But it just feelsâŠâ you grimaced. âIs it weird that I feel guilty?â
Changmin shook his head. âNo, Iâve had to tiptoe around my momâs and my true nature around you guys for years. Itâs natural to wanna be truthful to your friends, Yn, but some things are better left unsaid.â
âIs there a reason why the supernatural community stays hidden? Is that something I can ask?â
âOf course,â he said easily, turning his gaze out the window. âItâs just that itâs betterâsaferâfor us this way. Humans can hardly handle differences amongst themselves as it is; imagine what would happen if they found that even more species of sentient beings existed, yâknow?â
Truth was a difficult pill to swallow. It was a capsule that often found itself lodged in a throat rather than being digested. And even if it eventually managed to make it to the stomach, it sank to the bottom like a body anchored by bricks in a river. There was, unfortunately, much merit to what Changmin said.
Your eyes flickered to your side mirrors as you merged onto the highway. âI see.â
âItâs definitely relieving that at least one of my close friends knows the truth now, though.â He knocked the back of his hand against your arm in a warm gesture, and although you were unable to return the expression or even look at him then, he was looking at you.
Because you and Changmin set off just after rush hour passed, the drive through the downtown scene was relatively easy. The rest of your time in the car was spent chatting about the party Yangyang and his housemates were throwing, as well as Changmin directing you to his auntâs residence by the marina. His ability to give directions left much to be desired; your car was filled with shouts and bickering whenever he told you to turn too late.
Somehow though, you arrived at the right street, and he even helped you find a parking spot along a curb that didnât involve ungodly hourly parking rates. You wouldnât call it a complete redemption, but he was on his way toward one.
âAre you sure itâs cool if we just show up unannounced like this?â you asked him, tilting your head back to peer up at the apartments that towered above you. Some of the windows were left open and their curtains drifted whimsically in the mid-morning breeze; some of the fire escapes were connected by copper-colored ladders, fitting together like a puzzle. You liked to think that complexes like this housed residents who were friendly to one another like some fantasy video gameâa pair of friends hanging out of their windows to gossip across the fire escapes, a cat sleeping in the windowâthat sort of thing.
Changmin stood next to you, but his gaze was turned out to the marina in the distance, the sails of boats in the foreground of the slate blue-gray of the bay water. âYeah, itâs cool. And weâre not exactly unannounced; I told her we were coming.â
âWhen?â You followed him in through the front door. The hinges squealed upon use and the door shuddered violently when it closed.
âIn the car.â
You deadpanned at his back as you followed him up the stairs. âYouâre an awful relative.â
âDonât all relatives show up to their other relatives' homes unannounced?â he jested. âIâm a model nephew, actually.â
âA model in what standard? Hell?â
He shrugged up ahead, glancing back to pass you a boyish grin. âYeah, basically. My mom says demons just kind of teleport into their relativesâ homes unannounced.â
âSo thatâs where your incredible lack of boundaries comes from,â you said and glowered up at him.
You met Changmin on the landing of the second floor and ducked out of the stairwell into the dimly-lit corridor. It was quiet here in the middle of the day, but you could hear the muffled sounds of television programs and voices emanating behind different doors you passed by. The carpet was well-trodden and didnât kick dust up when you walked, and the overall smell was vaguely fishy and reminiscent of the seafood section of a supermarket.
âCultural difference,â he replied cheekily. âThis is hers, Aunt Jennaâs.â He gestured to the door he stood at with a rusted, gold B29 hanging on its surface just above the peephole.
You tucked your hands into your jacket pockets. âAnything I should know before going in?â
Changmin paused and his face flashed with realization. It translated roughly, but accurately enough, to âUh oh.â He opened his mouth to say something, but the door beat him to it.
Correction: his aunt beat him to it. Or at least, she was who you assumed was his aunt. Her facial features and bone structure weren't similar to Changminâs at all, but those eyesâdark like the deepest corner of a shadow; engulfing, embracing, envelopingâher eyes were what made familiarity pang in your chest where the soul-knot sat.
Her mouth stretched into a bright smile. âChangmin-ah! And his significant other, isnât itâor kids these days say partner instead, hm? Donât be strangers now; come in, come in!â
What did she just say? You have got to be kidding me.
Too overwhelmed to think, you let his aunt usher you and Changmin in through her front door. You threwâchuckedâan alarmed glance over at your counterpart, who could only meet your wide eyes with his own. Shoes were exchanged for slippers, and you were guided toward a couch settled in one part of the cozy living space.
âItâs nice to meet you, Aunt Jenna,â you finally managed to say through the heat flaring up your neck and behind your ears. âBut I do have to, uhm, correct you.â
Changmin coughed beside you on the couch as his aunt perched on the coffee table across from you both. âSheâs not my romantic partner, auntie. Ynâs just a friend.â
You nodded earnestly.
His auntâs face flickered from that sunny smile to a more somber surprise. She broke into a sheepish sort of laugh, absentmindedly brushing a lock of hair behind her shoulder. âOh, well how silly of me. Iâm sorry if I made you uncomfortableâI got embarrassingly excited,â she confessed. She addressed Changmin specifically, reaching over to whack his knee, âYou used the word for lover when you texted me earlier!â
Changminâs hands rocketed up as both you and his aunt fixed him with pointed looks. âIt was a typo and an honest mistake,â he swore. âI havenât spoken or written in that demonic dialect in awhile,â he said to you, âand the words for friend and lover are, like, one letter different.â
His mouth had pursed into an unconscious pout, and you reached over to flick him between the eyes. Bone against fingernail, and the dense thunk sound the impact produced was quite satisfying.
âOw! I'm sorry!â
You turned to a rather amused Aunt Jenna. âI'm sorry I did that in front of you. I swear, I won't make a habit out of it.â That remained to be seen, however. How had you refrained from flicking him for his behavior before this?
She chuckled. âI'm sure he's warranted it more than once. It's nice to meet you, Yn.â
âLikewise. You have a lovely home.â
Changmin held his forehead with his hat now sitting in his lap, and his eyes narrowed at the two of you. âThis was the worst idea I've ever had.â
âDo you drink tea, Yn?â his aunt asked you, waving aside her nephew's comment. âI'll make us some tea and we can talk about whatever you both came to discuss.â
Tea was served on an elegant tray made of polished dark wood. The color was a deep red, as if it had been dipped in a vat of blood, and was engraved with images of what you assumed to be flowers with long stems crowned with big, beautiful petals. You nursed a Finding Nemo mug between your palms, gently blowing on the steam that wafted out of the aromatic floral tea.
Just the fragrance of the drink was enough to put you at ease. The muscles and knots in your shoulders loosened, your frown lines smoothed over. You took a gentle sip and savored the tangible warmth that streamed down your throat and into your stomach.
You nodded to Aunt Jenna who's dark eyes gleamed knowingly over the rim of her mug. âThat's very good,â you said.
âIsn't it? Would you like to take some home?â
Changmin harrumphed from beside you after taking a hulking gulp of his own drink. âGuys, please.â
âMm yes, yes.â Aunt Jenna waved her free hand flippantly. âYour problem.â
While Jenna had prepared the tea, you and Changmin explained to her how your souls became tied together. Most of the explanation consisted of specific details of the ritual itself, not the circumstances before. You described the physical sensations on your end, and Changmin added in his out-of-body experience.
When your piece was said, it left Aunt Jenna to marinate on all the facts. She took a sip of her drink first. âWell, you're both fools, but youâ âshe wiggled an accusing finger at her nephewâ âespecially. How could you be so irresponsible as to let your friends go through with a bargaining ritual?â
Changmin grabbed the back of his neck and hung his head like a kicked puppy. âIt didn't seem like the end of the world if they wanted to have fun.â
âI suppose,â Jenna muttered, but not without some sympathy. She was a demon living amongst humans, too, after all. âBut look where that's gotten you both. There are just far too many unforeseen variables that could have made this situation ten times worse. You and Yn becoming soul-bound is probably the best outcome, frankly.â
You would beg to differ, but you kept your lips stitched together and attached to the rim of your mug.
âBut as for undoing it, I'm afraid there aren't many options.â
You detached your mouth from the mug.
You and Changmin exchanged a glance with one another. He asked, âWhat are our options?â
Aunt Jenna's mouth pursed slightly to form small divots in the sides of her cheeks. âThe one most accessible to you is to bargain with another, more powerful demon to take over your bond with Yn.â
âAbsolutely not,â he interjected. âThat's out of the question.â
âI guessed as much,â she said, taking another sip. âThen it's quite literally impossibleâunless you used cursed magicâbut even if you didn't care about facing the hellish consequences, gaining access to a Book of the Diabolical is insanely difficult.â
Though you were completely ignorant to almost everything Aunt Jenna was saying, you weren't so ignorant to her message between the lines: you were fucked. Supremely.
Looking over at Changmin only confirmed what you were thinking. There seemed to be a war being waged behind his eyes as he clutched his mug in his lap and glared at a grain in the hardwood floor. This situation was partially your fault and his, and now, the only thing you could do was to drown in the consequences.
You turned to his aunt. âThen how can we live with it?â In your periphery, Changmin's head raised. âI mean, are there techniques to better control this situation, like on both Changmin's end and my end if we can't simply rid ourselves of it?â
Aunt Jenna considered you for a moment, then nodded slowly. âThere are,â she said. âControl is something very valuable to demons, Yn. I don't know how much Changmin's told youââ
You sent him a thin smile.
ââbut mastering your own body is one of the most integral things young demons first learn. If you don't have control over your mind and body, then how could you possibly be trusted to control anything else?â
That made sense, you thought. It was a thoughtful principle, too, that others (humans) could learn from. What other parts of demon culture and values were there that these two would be willing to share with you?
Jenna had finished her cup of tea by now and set her empty mug back onto the tray. âSo the easiest way, I think, to safeguard yourselves against one another is to strengthen your minds.â
What exactly Aunt Jenna had in mind was meditation. Because you were human and couldn't exactly perform the same demonic energy rituals and mind exercises that Jenna and Changmin could, meditation was the next best group activity. In order to do this, Jenna shut all of the curtains and sealed the living room off from the outside world. The coffee table and sofa were shoved to the edges of the room, while the empty space was occupied by three bath towels and a Bath and Body Works candle.
It was reminiscent of the ritual from That Night, but your heart rate sat a little more stable with the belief that you were in capable hands this time.
The three of you arranged yourselves in a loose triangle around the lit candle, its small flame shuddering at the force of your breaths.
âYou can place your hands wherever you're most comfortable,â Aunt Jenna said lowly, softlyâa vocal embodiment of the small head of fire upon the candle. âSit up straight, close your eyes, and breathe in deep⊠let the darkness envelope you.â
There weren't many moments when you considered yourself petty, salty, or bitter. But at this very moment, you were most certainly all three at once.
âAre you really still mad that you fell asleep?â The question was posed with as much audacity as there was incredulity in his voice.
You didn't have to direct your glaring eyes at Changmin for him to feel the edge. âIt was embarrassing,â you grumbled.
âAw, it's okay. Not everyone has the mental fortitude to meditate.â
And you do? you wanted to snap back like a five year old. Instead, you tightened your grip on the steering wheel and focused on not steering the two of you off the road. âI will literally ditch you on the highway.â
He leaned his head against the window to watch you with a twinkle in his eyes and a toothy grin on his lips. âAnd I will literally haunt you in your sleep.â
The pair of you were in the car driving back up to the university. You had just left Aunt Jenna's about fifteen minutes ago after the failed meditation session (for you) and her insisting you both stayed for lunch. With your stomachs full and your heads quite literally empty, there was nothing left to do but to return home.
There had been a moment before you both left when Jenna pulled Changmin aside to have a private conversation. You had lingered outside the apartment door, but couldn't hear anything despite it being left slightly ajar. There must have been some crazy soundproofing done on her apartment. A charm, perhaps?
But when Changmin came to join you, you picked up the tail end of their talk. It had to do with Changmin pleading with her not to tell his mom about what happened; Aunt Jenna would only agree if he promised to babysit her kids next week.
That thought made you smile to yourself even through the cloud of salty pettiness in your vision. What was Changmin like around kids? The guy was rather childish himself, but⊠you wouldn't deny that he would probably be goodâ
âWhat are you smiling about?â he mused as he peered out from under the brim of his cap. He reclined his seat back a little and crossed his arms over his chest, settling himself in for the ride back.
You scoffed and forced the smile away. âWouldnât you like to know.â
He hummed. âMethinks it was about me,â he teased and tugged his cap further over his eyes so even his mouth was barely visible. At your silence, he murmured, âAlso, I hope you're not bothered about earlier.â
âHm?â
âI meanâthe fact that you weren't able to meditate. And,â he added quickly, âI'm not trying to make fun of you. It's just that that was the only way Aunt Jenna could think that you could safeguard yourself against me. I'm gonna be really good about this, Yn, I swear. I don'tâyâknow, I don't want anything to change between us.â
Ah. Well, since his hat was over his eyes, you allowed your smile to slip back into place. The weight in your chest was warm, a comforting sort of tightness. You were gradually getting more accustomed to its presence, and at this particular moment, you were glad to be aware of it.
âI believe you,â you said to him. âAnd I don't want anything to change between us either.â You were friends before the ritual, and you would continue to be friends after it.
You were content with being accompanied by your thoughts and the radio for the remainder of the ride. Your companion in the passenger seat had drifted to sleep at some point when the highways began to grow rather congested with the early afternoon traffic. Changmin had a dance rehearsal in a couple hours, which gave some leeway as to what time you needed to get him back by.
By the time you hit the university district, the sun perched lower in a sky spotted with cirrus clouds, wispy and drifting in the autumn breeze. The filter it cast over the world was a mute gold, warm.
Changmin peered out his side window as you navigated through the busy streets, his face nearly pressed up against the glass because his cap was turned around. There was far too much foot traffic at three in the afternoon, but it was unfortunately a popular time to be out and about for students on a Monday. âCould you drop me off at the sandwich shop on the corner over there?â he asked suddenly, his voice gravelly from disuse. He inclined his chin further down the block, and you had enough time to switch lanes.
âYeah, sure,â you murmured, glancing over at him. âYou donât want me to drop you off straight at the dance hall?â
âNah, Iâve got a couple hours, so I think Iâm gonna get another bite to eat first.â He rummaged around in the bag at his feet, double checking that he had brought along everything he needed. âDâyou wannaâŠâ His voice trailed off as he turned his head up toward you.
You hummed in question and furrowed your brows in concentration to direct your car into a parking spot along the curb.
âDid you wanna come in with me? I donât know what your plans are after this.â Changmin had one foot out the door, but the rest of his body remained here with you, in the car, as if hesitant to leave just yet. With the brim of his cap turned around, you could better see his face, the hair pushed out of his dark eyes. There was a small smile seated upon his lips, hopeful in the way it curved into his cheeks in the way you always found slightly endearing.
Your hand lingered by your seatbelt. What were your plans after this? Nothing, right? âI mean, if you donââ
âYn, is that you?â
The voice and the interruption elicited similar jolts from both of you. Your head whipped around on instinct to locate the person who had called out to you.
Crossing the street to you now was Lee Chan. He had his backpack slung over his shoulder, and he waved a hand at you when he caught your eye. But they flickered away from you to someone behind youâChangmin straightened to his full height, his head appearing over the roof of the car.
You glanced back at your counterpart. That smile, so boyish and innocent, had grown an edge.
âThanks for the ride, Yn,â Changmin said to you, ducking his head to address you. He reached into the car so he could clasp your hand, his fingers clutching yours as he stole your gaze away⊠they lingered. âIâll talk to you later, hm?â
You nodded, unsure why you were so dumbfounded. âYeah, sure,â you stammered out. âI had fun today.â
âSame.â And there was that smile again. It wasnât exactly the same, but it had softened out at the corners. With a final raise of his hand, he shut your passenger door and jogged off toward the shop.
You blinked as air suddenly filled your lungs again. Had you been holding your breath the whole time? You forgot to wish him a good rehearsal.
A knock on your window had you swiveling your head around. Chan grinned as you rolled your window down. âHey, whatâve you been up to?â
Not a mention of Changmin, you noted. You were aware of Changmin and Chanâs dislike for one another, and though it caused you a torrent of internal conflict, there was nothing that you could do about it. If they were unwilling to talk about it with each other or with you, then there was no use. Both of them were important figures in your life, so it was just as important that you could keep them bothâwas that selfish? It seemed that they were able to somewhat coexist, however, if they participated on the same dance team. How did that even work out?
âI was out with Changmin for most of the day,â you said. âWe were just⊠yâknow, visiting a relative of his downtown.â There was no harm in saying that, right?
Chanâs expression didnât even shudder. âOh? I didnât know he had relatives downtown.â
Of course, you didnât. You appreciated that he tried to be civil about Changmin around you, but sometimes the pretense was more aggravating than the petty disdain. âYeah, they were really nice. We drank tea and chatted a bit.â
âGlad it was a chill time,â he smiled. âAh, speaking ofâI was wondering if you wanted to go visit Chaeyoung noona with me sometime this week? I've been trying to figure out the best time to go see her before midterms.â
You brightened at the mention of Chan's older sister. Though his parents had passed away before Chan graduated high school, he was supported mostly by his older sister, Chaeyoung. You'd heard and seen for yourself the chronic illness that she was cursed with, however. There had been a decent stretch in time when her situation looked much better, but recently, she had been forced back into long-term care at the hospital.
âYeah, definitely! It'll be nice to see her after so long. Just text me and let me know what day you decide.â The last time you saw Chaeyoung was probably at the start of the past summer break when you went home to see your parents with Chan. Though you and Chan were around the same age, he acted more as an older brother figure to you, likely because of Chaeyoung's good influence.
The golden hour sun glinted its rays into your eyes, and you were reminded of the time. âOh, donât you have dance practice soon? Need a ride over?â
âYeah, I do, but I donât need a ride,â he said. âI was about to meet Vernon in the cafe down the street though. Do you wanna come with?â
The idea of accepting his invitation crossed your mind, but the ache in your legs and at the nape of your neck were suddenly a lot more prominent than before. You hadnât even realized how tired you were. âNot this time; I think I'm a little tired. Thanks for the invite, though!â
He pressed his mouth together in slight disappointment, but waved it away with a casual hand motion. âOf course. Drive home safe, then.â
âI will. Have a good time, Chan.â
Chan returned the sentiment back to you, but instead of leaving right away, his lips parted another time. He paused, concern gleaming in his eyesâor was that the setting sun? You couldnât tell the difference, but there was something he couldnât quite articulate with words that his facial expression was desperate to reveal to you instead.
You frowned. âSomething wrong?â
He let out a small laugh and brushed away the thought. âNo, donât worry about it.â
Are you aware that you've been cursed?
Aunt Jenna's words echoed in Changmin's head ceaselessly throughout the dance rehearsal. They had been subdued slightly when he was asleep in your car earlier, but consciousness tended to surface more nightmares than the unconscious state. Even in the bright light of day, those shadows found a way to creep in and force him into some horrific tunnel vision.
No, he wasn't aware that he'd been cursed. How could he?
Out of everything he thought she pulled him aside for, that was the last thing he expected. The look in her eyesâthose dark irises that mirrored his in depthâhad been stricken by a grave worry. Those all-knowing eyes, far surpassing his in experience, had taken one look at him coming in through the door and determined something horrible had happened.
A curse?
You haven't been feeling strange lately? She had grasped him by the shoulders, her hands firm in their iron grip. Any strange aches and pains?
The headaches. He told her about the random, spotty headaches that had been plaguing him recently. It hadn't occurred to him at all that they could even be a side effect for a curse.
I've heard some strange things have been going on to the demons in your area. The curse has subsided for now because of your half-humanness, butâŠ
Changmin could fill in the blanks.
His appeal to Aunt Jenna about not telling his mom about any of this included both the soul-bond and the curse. Based on what his aunt told him, there have been demons in this area who have been forced into critical conditions by an energy-stealing curse. That would explain his frequent headaches and his increased exhaustion. Though, the headaches had been on the decline as of late, which coincided with the other part of Jenna's warning.
He was at odds. He couldn't simply sit around and wait for whatever maniac was at large to suddenly stop. He and all the other demons around him were sitting ducks. Worrying about the soul-bond was one thing, but he supposed this now took priority.
Changmin hunched over his bag in one of the darkened corners of the practice room. The lights had been turned down slightly as their four reserved hours drew to a close. It was a hard night, but the sweat, heat, and adrenaline was a delightfully addicting mixture.
Absent-mindedly, he rubbed a palm over his chest. The invisible knot there that linked you to him tightened at the attention. He had made a habit of this over the course of the past few hours; the physical sensation of the string tugging grounded him and kept him from disappearing into his head too much.
Could you feel him on the other end? He was certain you could if he made it obvious. If he tugged just rightâ
âJi. I need to talk to you.â
The only sign of surprise Changmin let Lee Chan see was the raising of his eyebrows. âI don't need to talk to you.â
âIt's about Yn.â
Changmin's movements froze. He let go of his bag's strap and zippers with a sigh, then straightened up to meet Chan eye to eye. He crossed his arms over his chest. âWhat about Yn?â You were his problem now, whether you liked it or not.
Chan's eyes narrowed at him, a muscle in his jaw twitching. âI don't know what you think you're doing with her, but you need to stop. It was enough that she's friends with youââ
He couldn't help but scoff. What the fuck is he going on about? Changmin's mouth twisted into an incredulous smirk, the points of his canines peering out from under his lip as he jabbed his tongue into his cheek. âI was wondering when you'd finally drop the Nice Guy act.â
âThis isn't about me putting up a front,â Chan quipped in hushed tones. He wouldn't have done so if he wanted to make a scene. âThis isn't even about us not liking each other. My problem is that you're roping Yn into yourâyour fucking bullshit.â
Changmin furrowed his brows. âYou're being vague and dramatic, Lee Chan. I really don't have the time or the patience for this.â
âI know who you really are, Ji.â In any other context, those words in that order would have made Changmin bark out a laugh.
Changmin shuddered as he sized up Lee Chan in a different light. It was almost funny how perspective could change everything. In the daylight and bright fluorescents, Chan was a model kid with a charming smile and unshakeable charisma. He cared about you and watched over you like a brother. But without the presence of light was when Changmin was most afraid of what he saw. It was not because he was afraid of the darkâthe shadows, frankly, were a demon's allyâit was because the dark did something to Chan in the same way blood infested clear water.
Chan's mouth was set in a firm line, and nothing about his facial expression or stance gave even an inkling that he was bluffing.
âI still have no fucking clue what you're talking about,â Changmin replied lowly, scooping his bag up and brushing past Chan.
He went to find Juyeon. The organ in his chest pumped his blood wickedly fast through his system; the blood thundered in his ears, loud and deafening, like an oncoming train. Aunt Jenna was in his head, you were in his chest, Lee Chan was at his back.
Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boomâ
He and Juyeon were out the door in a flash, but Changmin glanced backwardâbecause we always turned toward that which was capable of our demise; that was survival instinctâand he flinched when Chan's eyes caught his again.
Changmin let the door slam behind him as he stole into the cold night. If only the darkness could hide him from whatever just happened.
read part two here (if the link isn't there yet, refresh out of this page and it'll be linked at the top)
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incantations pt1 (my other fave demon changmin au)
007!ji changmin x f!reader
you're sent to montenegro to infiltrate a high-stakes poker game, but with the world hanging in the balance, it's a good thing m's sending her best employee along with youâagent 007, ji changmin.
â· genre, warnings. f2l, james bond/007/spy au, action, suspense, pining(?), minimal angst, humor bc i'm me, violence, blood, death, mentions of alcohol, mentions of weaponry, mentions of corruption, swearing, kissing, near-death experiences, mentions of terrorism but not explicitly discussed, the ending is kinda cheesy im sorry it's late and i like making him yearn, barely proofread (dudes it's so late when im writing this)
â· word count. 11.1k
â· based on. casino royale (2006)
a/n: this is for @winterchimez ally's 007 files collab! pls check out the other fics that have been posted đ also, this is way lighter than the actual movie, so uhm, yeah!
YOU KNEW FROM THE MOMENT you first stepped into your position as an agent of the Treasury, that Kenneth Kang would be a thorn in your side. Perhaps not even a thorn, but a massive pain in the neck, the back, the ass. He was a man with a helm of pomade for hair and an ego the size of Russia, who, for some odd reason, despised you.
It was funny⊠the last time you checked, an entity such as Russia wouldn't be so easily threatened by someone like yourself. But here was Kenneth Kang, continuing to email you passive aggressive correspondence as if he wasn't butthurt the director chose you for this task rather than him.
After all, only the best of the best were selected to assist MI6 with their assignments. The fate of the world hung in the balance.
You told Kenneth just that in your last (hopefully) email to him for the trip: The quarterly reports are still due on Monday, Kang. Remember that Director Song excused me from them because I'm off to go save the worldâta-ta! Or something to that effect.
It was unfortunate the government monitored everyone's emails or you would've signed off with something wildly hilarious like âLove (if pigs flew), Director Song's Favorite <3 (not you)ââthat would stick it to himâ
A clearing throat drew your attention away from your laptop so abruptly, you were glad you didn't get whiplash.
âThis seat taken?â You didn't catch a clear glimpse of the man's face before he was already claiming the seat across from you. The voice was awfully familiar, and when you finally saw him, you understood why.
You nearly did a double take, but the surprise swiftly melted away like glaciers in the spring to something like warm amusement. âAh, do Iâuhâknow you, sir?â You asked, gently folding your laptop closed so you can gesture to the teapot before you. âTea?â
Ji Changmin leaned back in his chair, eyes darting from the view outside the train car window and back to you. He dragged his gaze up and down your form, the back of his knuckles pressed against his lips. It did nothing to hide his smile. âTea would be lovely, thanks.â
You obliged, refilling your cup with the hot beverage and pouring a decent amount into the extra teacup and saucer on his half of the table.
The two of you were currently on a train to Montenegro. Less than 48 hours ago, you were summoned into your director's office, only for the head of MI6 (the elusive M) to join you. You were debriefed on a high stakes poker game being hosted by a man notoriously reputed for funding terrorist organizations around the globe. You were told that M would be sending her âbestâ along with you to be dealt into the gameâyou were never given the agent's name or identification number.
But now that you were nearly an hour's ride away from Montenegro, it seemed he finally decided to reveal himself.
âAre you sure you don't remember me, Miss?â He asked, eyebrows raised over the rim of his teacup. âI was so sure that I left a lasting impression on you the last time.â
You slowly raked your eyes over the sharp, dark blue suit he wore, the white dress shirt beneath opened up at the collar, his wrist fitted with a watch that glistened in the afternoon light filtering in through the window. He had cropped his hair since the last time you saw Agent 007, M's so-called âbest.â That was about two years ago, when there was a joint-branch charity gala and the two of you shared a dance before he was called away. Before that, you reckoned it was likely your graduation from Cambridge.
Time flew, you supposed, and you'd both been busy.
The corner of your lips lifted as you took a ginger sip of your tea. âWell then, you'll have to do a better job this time. What brings you to Montenegro?â
âAh, business. You know how it is.â
âA truly dull answer,â you remarked. He couldn't come up with better conversation? You expected more from the man who always prided himself on buttery smooth lines. Where was the fun in âbusinessâ? âNo wonder you've got all of that on. You're dressed like you're about to go buy a company.â
âCould I buy your company?â He asked in jest, tilting his head to the side.
You set your teacup down and a smile flitted over your lips. âI don't think you'd ever have enough money in the world for that.â
He chuckled then and ran his tongue over his bottom lip, catching a droplet of tea clinging to it. âChallenge accepted.â
When the train pulled into the station at Montenegro, it was just about a quarter past two in the afternoon. You and Changmin stood up from your cozy two-seater table to prepare to disembark. You rifled through your laptop tote for your wallet, but before you could retrieve your money, Changmin was already dropping bills on the table.
âIs this yours?â He asked, placing a hand on the bag stowed above the seat. It was a duffle bag that ranged on the smaller size with enough room to store your toiletries, emergency items, and any other things you might have needed. You were informed that clothing and the like would be in your accommodations waiting for youâthere must have been a strict dress code for this event.
You shouldered your purse. âYes, I'm traveling light.â
âSame here.â He grabbed your bag for you, and the two of you were off, shuffling down the aisle toward the nearest exit. Light, indeed. He didn't seem to have any luggage on him, but you supposed an agent of his caliber was provided everything he needed at his accommodations.
The train station, at this hour, was rather busy. People bustled to and fro to get to their trains, the parking lot, the ticket booth, the works. Your instructions once you'd arrived in Montenegro were to get in touch with the agent who was assigned to this case, and that you already accomplished. Until now, that was about all you knew, barring the general mission at-hand.
âI assume youâll be staying at the Hotel Splendide, as well?â You voiced to him as you walked by his side toward the valet at the front of the station. You never knew a train station to have a valet, but you supposed it made sense if there were luxury, long-haul train cars.
âYour assumption would be correct,â he said. âIn fact, weâre sharing a room.â The reveal of this information nearly had you tripping over your own shoes, and you were sure you saw a ghost of a smile make it onto his lips. You narrowed your eyes at him as he carried onwardâof course, the two of you were sharing a room. What cover did MI6 even come up with? Something incredibly original like a married couple, youâd bet. Or, god forbid, a man and his mistress. (The thought made you gag.)
Changmin made eye contact with the valet boy, his chin inclining toward him. âAfternoon. It should be under âJi.ââ
The boy traced his finger down the edge of his tablet screen and his eyes lit up in recognition. âAh yes, Mr. Ji,â he said, grabbing a keychain from his station and tossing it over to Changmin, âyour car was just delivered two minutes ago. Have a nice trip, sir.â
âThank you.â A rolled up bill was exchanged so fast that you thought youâd imagined it, and Changmin was walking onward down the length of the curved curb toward a parked vehicle. You followed swiftly after him, and upon further inspection, realized that the vehicle he was striding towards was a sleek Aston Martin in a classy shade of silver. It looked like something straight out of Hollywood, the sight nearly making your knees buckle. It was enough to say that all thoughts of you sharing a room with Changmin flew out the Aston Martinâs window.
Changmin gave a laugh at your reaction, opening the passenger side door for you. âYou look more excited to see this car than me, sweetheart.â
âWas I that obvious? Sheâs beautiful.â You couldnât help but grin back as you slipped into the smooth, leather seat. The interior was just as beautiful and sleek, with dark colored leather and a shiny center console. While you buckled yourself in, you heard Changmin deposit your bag in the backseat before rounding the car to take his place in the driverâs side.
âI canât say I disagree,â he said, the door slamming. He retrieved a pair of aviator sunglasses from a compartment above the rearview mirror, donning them, then flashing you a dimpled smile. âShall we?â
Changmin revved up the engine and pulled out of the train station's front lot onto the scenic road that would wind down the mountains to reach the portside where Hotel Splendide was located.
âI haven't seen you in two years, have you been well?â You piped up, now that the two of you were alone.
He hummed. âAh, for the most part, yesâIâve been alright.â
âTrotting the globe, I bet?â
âYou'd win that bet, for sure,â he mused. He passed you a brief glance, turning his eyes back to the road. âAnd you?â
You mimicked the humming sound he'd made earlier. âI've been decent. Just work most days; you know how it is.â
He nodded his understanding. âSocial life just as dead as uni?â
An incredulous sound flew out of your mouth, your hand swatting his arm to coax an impish smile from him. âI have friends!â
âSignificant others then,â he offered.
You bristled in your seat and met his grin with a stink eye. âThere are more important things than finding romance.â
âStill the same Yn as I remember,â he teased. âNow I know you're not an imposter.â A beat of silence, and then, âM must have been very pleased with your performance records to have approved of your director's choice. Not that I'm surprised; you've always been exceptional in your field.â
You turned your head to face the window on your side, barely hiding the pleased smile on your face from his compliment. It had taken a lot of hard work to get where you were, and you should've been proud of yourself. âI appreciate that. Though, I'm sure the fact that we know each other might have something to do with it, too.â
âI think that's just an added bonus,â he remarked optimistically. âYou'll know how to keep me in check.â That was, literally speaking, exactly what your role here was. While Changmin was dealt into the game, you controlled the amount of money he was able to use or bet with. Because you were the trusted agent of the Treasury, you would be privy to the amount of money appropriate to use from the government's coffers.
âWho knew one partner project would lead to us saving the world together?â He added offhandedly with almost a nostalgic sort of whimsy.
âAre you ready to be a team player this time, though?â You asked, eyebrow raised. âThe rumors say you enjoy flying solo.â
âI fly solo when it's dangerous,â he corrected. Which, you guessed, was most of the time in his line of work.
âSo you're saying this mission isn't dangerous?â
âA poker game?â He laughed. âThe only dangerous thing about it is gonna be how fast I'm going to win.â
The Hotel Splendide was as splendid as its name suggested. The grand, white limestone facade was carved with arched windows and statues, sleek columns and balconies. This side faced out into the waterfront, giving all arriving patrons a beautiful view of the port.
Changmin directed his car into the cobblestone roundabout at the front of the hotel. When he brought the vehicle to a stop, a bellboy in a maroon colored uniform opened your car door for you and offered a hand to help you out.
âThank you,â you murmured, rolling your neck and stretching your limbs from the hour-long car ride.
Changmin emerged from the driver's side with his keys in hand, speaking to another attendant about being careful with his vehicle. He rounded the car just as the bellboy grabbed your duffle from the backseat.
âWelcome to the Hotel Splendide. This way to the check-in counter please,â the bellboy said, gesturing toward the front door, framed by an amber-toned awning and crowned in a myriad of flags from around the world.
You felt Changmin's palm warm the small of your back as you clutched your laptop purse in your hands. âOf course, thank you.â
The hotelâs foyer was just as magnificent as its outside. A crystalline chandelier hung from the high-domed ceiling, painting the room in a luxurious champagne gold, while the marble floors were lined in a deep crimson velvet. The front desk was to your immediate left with a number of staff stationed behind it.
The woman you and Changmin went to greeted you both with a polite smile. âWelcome to the Hotel Splendide. May I have the name of your reservation, please?â
âJi,â your friend answered, âJames Ji.â
Your eyebrows flew to your hairline.
âAh,â the woman said, âbut of course, Mr. Ji. Yours and your assistant's suite has been prepared for your arrival.â
Assistant? While she readied the key cards for you, you met Changminâs gaze with a number of questions in your eyes. He only answered with a helpless expression.
Assistant? As if.
For fear of jeopardizing the mission by correcting the cover MI6 so generously assigned you, you reluctantly kept your mouth shut.
The desk clerk pushed a pair of cards across the polished wood toward you and Changminâkey cards. âThese are your keys for your stay in room 700. All amenities, such as room service and the spa, are included in the fees you paid while booking. Your luggage will be delivered to your room for you. Anything you might need may be addressed via the phone in your suite or here at the front desk.â
(Assistant? Did you look like a fucking assistant?)
Changmin collected the room keys and passed you one. âExcellent, thank you. Did any mail arrive for me?â
âYes, sir. A small parcel was delivered directly to your suite, as well as several garment bags. You'll find them in your wardrobe. Is that all?â
With nothing else to be addressed, you and Changmin thanked the front desk attendant and you were shuttled toward the elevators at the end of the hall. It was a good thing the elevator carriage made a swift arrival, because as soon as the doors slid closed, you let your frustrations be known.
âAssistant?â You exclaimed, gesticulating frustratedly. âOut of all the cover options? That woman probably thinks I'm your mistress!â
âI didn't choose it,â Changmin said, raising his palms in surrender. Though, it was clear by his expression that he was at least amused by your reaction.
You rolled your eyes, then narrowed them and crossed your arms over your chest. âWhat if you were the assistant, hm? Why aren't I the rich lady with a handsome secretary I take on vacation with me?â
His grin was teasing as he leaned closer to you, your breath hitching for a split second. There was a brief moment where your senses were fully engulfed by the smell of his cologne and the way a lock of his hair curled over his forehead. âYou think I'm handsome?â
As if the universe could feel the warmth rising to your cheeks, the elevator doors mercifully opened onto the seventh floor.
He leaned away, something self-satisfied playing on his mouth as he returned his hand to your back. âOkay,â he drawled, âsay I'm your handsome assistantâŠâ
âI'm never living that down, am I?â You groaned, already feeling the headache spike in your temples. Your eyes fluttered about the corridor you entered; it was just as beautiful as the lobby downstairs, but with a slightly moodier glow to the lights as if not to disturb any of the patrons on this floor should they wish for an escape from downstair's hustle and bustle.
âImagine if Chanhee found out you'd said that.â
âDon't get me started on Chanhee.â Room 700 appeared in your sight, and you smacked your key card against the card reader before letting yourself into the room. As the lights flickered on, you asked Changmin from over your shoulder, âHave you heard from him recently, by the way?â
Chanhee was a mutual friend from your college days. While he was technically a closer friend to Changmin, you'd met Chanhee through Changmin after your partner project and grabbed dinner together every once in a while whenever Chanhee was in town.
You were already making a beeline to the bathroom when you heard the hotel room door close and lock behind Changmin. âRecently? Depends on your definition of ârecently.ââ
The sound of your sigh echoed as you absentmindedly fixed your hair in the reflection. Train hair wasn't as poor as airplane hair, that was for sure. âHe misses you,â you said in a singsong tone.
âIs that right?â He chuckled. âI'll shoot him a text then.â
He appeared in the reflection behind you holding two black garment bags, one in each hand. He'd shed his suit jacket somewhere, the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up to expose his forearms. âThese are ours for tonight,â he said to you, handing you the one with your name on it.
Ah, tonight. âThanks,â you said, taking a peek inside to see what exactly was prepared for you. Your curiosity piqued at the sight of deep wine red fabric, but you didn't look any further for the time being.
âAre you ready for tonight?â He asked, stealing a glance at you as he brushed his hair back in the mirror.
At the proximity of tonight's events, you suddenly felt your heart rate climb. Before when this was only an assignment, the gravity of the situation hadn't fallen over you yet. But now that it was your current reality, it began to rush at you with the speed of an oncoming train.
You steeled your nerves. You were tapped to carry out this task for a reason. The only thing you had to do was be wary of Changmin's spending; he was doing the heavy lifting. Even if you were about to be in a room with a few dozen other dangerous people.
You swallowed, nodding. âReady as I'll ever be.â
He pressed his lips together, his dimples appearing in his cheeks but not because of joy. There was a step forward, then another. âHey,â he murmured, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone, âI won't let anything bad happen to you or to anybody; that's what I'm here for.â
He draped his garment over his arm and leaned against the bathroom counter beside you. âIf we both do our jobs right, we'll be fine. Do you know who our target is? Just so you're aware of who to look out for.â
You nodded, âLe Chiffre.â That was the name of the host of tonight's poker game. He was high on the MI6's most wanted list, and tonight was a critical effort to put a stop to his movements, as well as the credibility he had with his clients. You'd seen pictures of this manâthe cold of his eyes and the pale scar that disabled one of his pupilsâyou were well aware of what he looked like.
âGood,â he murmured. âThen you stay far away from him, got it, sweetheart?â
âGot it.â
Though the gravity of the situation hung heavy in the room after that conversation, Changmin ordered the two of you room service before you needed to prepare for the poker game. You figured food in your stomach would keep you grounded and lessen the nerves trilling through you and making your extremities feel cold to the touch.
Dinner shared in the privacy of your hotel room with an old friend was pleasant. You both sat on the couch sectional next to each other, his arm laid casually over the back of where you sat, as you caught up and dined. There was something oddly warm in his eyes⊠you didn't know what it was that made him seem so clued into what you were saying, as if he was spellbound. You figured it must be the training he underwent; after all, if he couldn't just muscle his way to an answer, then seduction was also a powerful tool at his disposal.
You just wondered why it was seeping into his interaction with you. Perhaps it became second nature for him to be this wayâto lean into every word you said, to brighten at the sound of your laugh, to mirror every smile. To make you feel like you were the only person in his world and that you were all that mattered.
By the time nine o'clock rolled around and you were in the bathroom preparing for the game, your nerves had calmed considerably.
The dress that MI6 provided you was a deep wine evening gown that hugged your upper body and cascaded down the length of your legs before it hung just above your feet. The satin was gathered and left to create a cowl at the neckline, and somebody had thought it was a fabulous idea to leave a high slit in one side all the way up to mid-thigh height. (One wrong move and you were screwed.)
It was as if a river of wine physically wrapped around you as a garment for the night.
Though you appreciated the beauty of it, it only served to make you realize that perhaps controlling Changmin's spending wasn't your only job tonight; your other purpose was to distract everyone else. You weren't sure how you felt about that.
A knock sounded at the bathroom door just as you were fitting on a pair of matching ruby earrings. âYn?â
âJust a second,â you said. You pushed the earring backing into place and hustled over to open the door. âI'm just finishing⊠hey.â
Changmin had changed into an all-black suit, a classic piece of uniform that was tailored perfectly to his proportions. His eyes were hooded and dark as he drank you in like a glass of Pinot Noir.
A low whistle drifted out from his lips. âIf I'm being honest, you might be a liability in this dress.â
âIâll take that as a compliment,â you said, turning back to return to the bathroom counter.
Changmin trailed after you, almost dumbfounded, like he'd forgotten why he'd knocked on the door in the first place.
You tried to suppress your smile as you handed him his comb. âSee something you like?â
His eyes met yours in the mirror, tongue swiping over his bottom lip. âI do.â
Your expression shuttered in the mirror having not expected that reply at all.
Changmin cleared his throat, stepping to your side to fix his hair with practiced grace. In no time, his appearance was complete, and he was heading out of the bathroom, his cologne lingering by you.
When you were satisfied, you turned off the bathroom light on your way out to meet Changmin in the main room. He was by the safe, fitting a fresh magazine into a silver pistol with skilled hands. He felt your gaze on the weapon and passed you a glance. âWe can't carry weapons into the room,â he told you, âbut it's a good idea to have one ready here.â
You bobbed your head in agreement, though you felt your shoulders tighten.
He locked up the safe before making his way toward you. âDo you know how to use one of these?â He asked.
You shook your head. âIt was never in my job description,â you said quietly. âI hope you don't have to use it.â
There was a graveness to his gaze now. âI hope I don't have to either.â Because both of you knew, if it came down to it, he wouldn't hesitate.
The room where it happened was deep in the bowels of the hotel, somewhere below the casino floor and above the core of the earth. To get in, one was required an exclusive invitation, which was the item Changmin had received in the small parcel from earlier in the afternoon.
You and Changmin arrived on the scene arm in arm, your posture straight in an effort to come off as nonchalant. As you descended the velvet-lined stairs into the basement room, you were confronted by a pair of broad-shouldered bodyguards with body scanners in their hands. After retrieving Changmin's invitation, you were both scanned separately for security, before being granted entry.
The playing room was on the smaller side with a fully equipped bar on the furthest wall of the room. The centerpiece was an oval table, barred off with railings for spectators to lean on while the game was played. There were a sprinkling of others here, both players and their guests.
Your initial scan of the room, unsurprisingly, produced no familiar facesâbut your arm tightened around Changmin's when you caught sight of the man of the hour. Le Chiffre stood on the opposite side of the room, nursing a coup glass of liquor as he spoke in low tones with another man. From this angle, you could see the cut of his one glassy eye and the angry scar that marred his face.
âOur four o'clock,â you muttered between your teeth to your counterpart.
Changmin glanced over out of his peripheral vision, nodding subtly. âHow about a drink, sweetheart?â He asked you, his voice slightly louder than your own.
You gave a small smile, and he began to lead you over to the bar.
As the two of you moved, you couldn't shake the feeling of eyes trailing after you, something akin to spidersilk clinging to your limbs that you could never quite brush off. It was no secret that you were one of the few women in the room.
When you reached the bar, Changmin flagged the bartender down. âA vodka martini, pleaseâshaken, not stirredâand a mint julep for the lady.â
âRight away, sir.â
You looked over at Changmin with an impressed purse of your lips. âYou remembered,â you mused.
The corner of his lip tilted upward. âHow could I forget?â
With your drinks served to you, you gently sipped on your mint julep. It wouldn't do you well to get drunk tonight; you just needed a little liquid courage.
From your side, Changmin stared out into the crowd, likely assessing his opponents in the room. He made a small noise of consideration that made you prompt him. He answered lowly, âYou see the man to our nine o'clock?ââ
You followed his instructions and casted a single glance that way. At the other end of the bar stood a man in a gray suit, nursing a rum and coke in his hands as he assessed the room for himself.
ââLee Juyeon. CIA.â
Your eyebrows flicked upward. âInteresting. Are they after our man, too?â
âGood chance that they are,â he said and raised his glass to his lips. He swallowed the last of his drink and set the empty glass behind him, leaning the elbow closest to you against the bar behind him. âKnow how to play poker?â
âIâm more of a Go Fish girl, actually.â
He sputtered a laugh, and you smiled into your glass. âYou're kidding. Not even a little?â
âGo fish, Mr. Ji,â you said and gestured to him with your glass. âDo tell though, since your boss seems to have so much faith in you. What's the secret to winning poker?â
You hadn't even realized how close your faces were tilted toward each other until you registered the smell of his drink on his breath and the shine on his lips. For a plot second, you swore his eyes even dared a glance away from your own.
Neither of you backed away from the other and remained in the intimate gray space.
âThe secret?â He parroted, cocking an eyebrow. He tugged at his bottom lip. âThe secret is figuring out what everyone else's tells are. It's about bluffing and strategy. If you can figure out how to tell when a person is lying, then you're practically set.â
You hummed. âI see. So what's my tell?â
âYour tell?â His gaze on you was hot and heavy as his eyes devoured you slowly but surely for yet another instance tonight. You could no longer ignore the rapid hammering of your heart, its insistent palpitations threatening to expose you to the man you swore could already see right through you.
His lips pulled into a slow smile, the kind you couldn't decide if it really was a smile or a smirk. âThatâs for me to know, and you to figure out.â
âYou don't know then.â
âWhatever helps you sleep at night, sweetheart.â
A hush fell over the room. You followed everyone's eyes up to the man who had summoned the room's attention. Le Chiffre stood atop the poker table's platform with a small laptop seated upon the table's edge.
âGood evening, everyone, and welcome to the game,â he greeted coolly. âWe will begin this evening's festivities with an introduction to our security protocols. This deviceââ he gestured to the computer, ââis fully secured to store and activate all of the night's betting money. Each player will enter a six-character code, unique to them, that will grant them access to the winning sumâshould they win.â
A small murmur of laughter amongst the crowd; you didn't find it funny.
âWe will begin with Mrs. Takeuchi.â
One by one, each of the players present tonight came forward to input a six-charactered passcode of their choosing. When Changmin was summoned forward, you watched as his expression became a careful, unreadable slate. He strode up toward the poker table, eyes never leaving Le Chiffre and Le Chiffre's never leaving Changmin. You could feel the tension in the room tighten, and Changmin confidently input his desired password.
When he pressed ENTER, you swore you could feel the fifteen million dollars being locked into the pot. Fifteen million was a shit ton of cash. The amount you were not willing to go beyond was twenty million. As long as Changmin played safe and played well, it wouldn't be a problem.
Not before long, the players were all summoned to the table. You sent Changmin off with a reassuring squeeze of his shoulder, and followed behind him to find a space at the railing to watch.
Changmin settled in the chair directly across from Le Chiffre.
The dealer passed out two cards to every player, each of whom hoarded a stack of chips and rectangular plaques that valued up to fifteen million. As the dealer revealed the four cards before himâtwo jokers, a king, and an aceâthe game was on.
You weren't even sure what you were looking for, but the sinking feeling in your gut would not fade the entire game. You held onto your mint julep until it was drained, eyes trained on the cards lying face down in Changmin's hands as he watched Le Chiffre across from him like a hawk.
He was looking for his tell, you realized.
The match was tense. You couldn't pull your gaze away, for fear of missing some minute detail, even if each move made was technically quite large. In the beginning, however, it felt as though everyone was playing it safer, for fear of getting out too early.
The night was young, and it would do none of them any good if they lucked out of a pot of at least one hundred million.
You watched Changmin, who watched Le Chiffre. You noted the way Le Chiffre would occasionally bring his left hand up to his scarred eye⊠was that his tell?
It was nearing one hour when it was only Changmin and Le Chiffre who had yet to fold. The dealer called for Changmin to make his move, and you looked over to your counterpart as the gears turned and twisted in his mind.
âI'm all in,â he decided, and shifted his entire pile into the center, mounting up to some amount close to twelve million.
You pressed the backs of your knuckles to your lips in anticipation of Le Chiffre's move. The man did not cower, but rather, called his bet. He moved his pile of fourteen million to the center. All in.
âGentlemen,â the dealer gestured for their cards to be revealed.
They flipped their cards into viewâyou could feel the scandal rocket through the crowd.
âA pair of jacks. Monsieur Le Chiffre wins. This marks the halfway point of the match; we will return in one hour to resume, with the big blind set at two hundred thousand.â
Everyone around the table, both players and spectators, began to dissipate to find something to distract them for the hour-long break.
Changmin's posture was taut as a bowstring as Le Chiffre pulled his mouth into a sly smirk across from him. âAh, Mr. Ji. You must have interpreted my tell wrong. Off your game tonight, don't you think?â
A muscle feathered in the agent's jaw. âI wouldn't be so quick to boast,â he drawled. âThe game's not over yet.â
You didn't know what to say, but you knew one thing was for certainâno matter what, you and Changmin could not let Le Chiffre leave tonight with the jackpot. And as Changmin departed the table with a crease between his brows but his head held high, you knew what was on his mind, as well.
âNeed a drink?â You asked, as he met you where you stood.
Changmin shook his head. âNo, I'm alright,â he said, glancing about. He nudged the back of your shoulder with his fingers, guiding you toward the exit. âLet's get out of this room for a moment though.â
You weren't going to argue with that decision, and the two of you linked arms and made your departure.
When the cool air in the lobby swept over you and all the tension in your body left for a brief moment of paradise. It was so stifling down in that room; you were almost thankful to be wearing this dress.
You and Changmin lingered at the top of the railing that looked down into the lobby from the second flood, heads close together. âWhat now?â You asked him.
âI need more money.â
âI can give you five million, but that's my limit, Changmin,â you told him firmly.
His brows crossed together. âFive million isn't enough to go toe to toe with a guy who just ended round one with thirtyââ
âThat's not my fault; this is policy.â You knew the world hung in the balance, but while that was his job, this was yours. You sighed. âMaybe I can contact someone about approving more, but right now, five million is our only option. Do we not have a plan B?â
Changmin's lips pressed into a line. âPlan B is hoping he does something fucking illegal in front of my face, and praying that reinforcements come in fast enough to take him away.â
Now it was your turn for your brows to crease. âWhy do we have to wait for him to do something illegal? Don't we know he's a criminal?â
âWe're onto him, yes, but there has been no tangible proof that he's a corrupt banker,â Changmin admitted tersely. He absentmindedly rubbed his jaw with his palm. âIf we could justââ
âJi.â
Both you and Changmin straightened. Coming toward you from down the hall was Lee Juyeon, the CIA agent Changmin had pointed out to you earlier.
You didn't fail to notice the way Changmin blocked you from Juyeon's view with his body. âLee,â Changmin greeted back.
Juyeon nodded to you in hello with a warm smile, and you lifted your hand to wave. He seemed decent enough.
Changminâs eyes narrowed as he shifted so he stood next to you now, an obvious arm slung around your waist. âI didn't know the CIA was on this.â
âI didn't know the MI6 was on this,â Juyeon fired back. He let out a sigh that sounded about as stressed as you were. âI wanted to propose a deal with you.â
âOh?â
âYes, wellââ Juyeon cupped the back of his neck with one hand. âI'm not the most adept poker player,â he confessed. If you remembered correctly, he nearly lost half his money throughout round oneâthen again, Changmin lost all of his. According to Le Chiffre, it was because he had read his tell incorrectly; you must have interpreted the wrong one, too. âAnd I figured that I'm not going to be making enough right moves in the second round to even stand a chance against Le Chiffre. You've got the balls to go up against him, and I know you're down a few bucks, so I wanted to bow out of the round and stake you instead.â
Both you and Changmin glanced at one another in surprise.
Juyeon was backing out⊠and wanted to stake Changmin? Stake, meaning to invest or sponsor him; to give Changmin funds.
Changmin's eyes narrowed. âAnd what would I do for you in return?â
âYou would give the CIA Le Chiffre.â
What other choice did you and Changmin have? Five million was not enough to make a winning comeback; at least being sponsored would give Changmin enough cushion to make some more mistakes. The allyship between your governments was enough to make the CIA taking Le Chiffre in the end seem like a victory.
Changmin exhaled and stuck out his hand. âDeal.â
The second round was no less tense than the first. Changmin entered with more determination and fury than before, and Le Chiffre was no short of amusement and arrogance.
After Juyeon made his official departure from the game, he came to stand by you to spectate and offer insights wherever he could. The game chugged on by for another half hour with bets being placed, drinks being sipped, and money being exchanged.
You watched Changmin reach for his glass again, only to pause. There was a moment where you didn't breathe, and you watched his hand retract up toward his shirt collar to loosen it.
âSomething wrong, Mr. Ji?â Le Chiffre asked.
You squinted at him, disliking the sinking feeling that had returned to your gut.
âBreak,â Changmin suddenly called out, as he stumbled out of his seat and pushed out of the room in a hurry.
Eyes widened, you bolted after him, leaving Juyeon to wonder what had happened to Changmin.
You called out to your partner as he stumbled into the elevator, and you crashed in after him. âOh myâfuck. What the fuck happened?â You asked as Changmin toppled over into you, sweat dripping down his face and his skin growing more and more flushed.
You jammed the button for your floor in a hurry as you attempted to hold him upright. âGod, you're heavy, manââ
âPoison,â he choked out, practically ripping his shirt collar open, as if it was constricting his breathing. He gasped for air and clung onto you like a lifeboat.
Panic seized you by the heart and squeezed hard. âOh my god. Okayâuhm, okay. What do we do? Changmin, what do we do?â
The elevator arrived on the seventh floor, and you half dragged Changmin toward your room. âTheâthe antidâantidoteââ
âThe antidote! We have an antidote?â You didn't have time to question him as you retrieved your room card from within your dress and barged into the hotel suite.
You deposited Changmin onto the floor as quickly and carefully as you could, hands shaking as you helped to take his shirt off so he could breathe.
âSafe,â he gasped to you.
âThe safe? Fuck, what's the code?â You asked, clambering to your feet and racing over to the black box in the wall.
You heard him choke out the four digits, and the safe swung open without ceremony. You rifled around the contents and retrieved an aluminum foil packet with a slim syringe inside. âFound it!â You cried and practically slid across the floor to get back to him.
You ripped the packet open as Changmin's breathing continued to shallow, his skin paling, and his body growing weaker. His left palm had landed somewhere on his thighâinject here.
âShit,â you swore, grimacing to yourself before stabbing the syringe into his leg.
As soon as the liquid was gone, all you could do was pray.
But the storm clouds were beginning to clear, and color slowly returned to Changmin's face. You sank back onto your heels, relief and adrenaline coursing through you.
âFucking hell, that was a closeââ
White hot pain flashed through you as somethingâsomeoneâgrabbed you by your hair and yanked. Your scream pierced through the silence, and it was nearly enough to wake the dead.
They were dragging you backward toward the door, and you reached up to claw at their hands, your skull feeling as if it was being pulled into a million directions while being set ablaze, all at once.
âLetâgo!â You screeched, thrashing around. You couldn't see your captor, but they suddenly released their grip on you.
Relief was short-lived.
Your head whipped to the side as a shoe met your cheek. Stars danced in your vision, and you cried out in painâand then you begged. You were certain Changmin was still recovering, hardly in a state to save you, and desperation began to claw itself into your heart.
Your body was hoisted up beneath your armpits and you squirmed, fighting for your life.
For a second, you were sure you heard Changmin call out your name.
You threw your elbow back into your attacker's face, then tried the back of your headâthe sound of pain and bones cracking echoing in your eardrum.
âYou bitch!â They roared, loosening their grip to feel their broken nose.
You were a mess as you landed on the ground. A gleam of silver caught your eye. The gun.
Adrenaline seized you and you made a mad dash for the table where the gun was stowed beneath.
Your opponent caught your ankle and dragged you back down to earth. There was no time to mourn over bruised knees and limbs, and you kicked your heels out behind you in a blind fury, desperate to get away.
âYnââ
âPlease,â you screamed, begged. Whoever that wasâyou just wanted this to end. Fear coursed through you as your body began moving backwards and was dragged back to the door.
You dug your fingers against the polished ground, unsuccessfully gaining purchase. You clutched at a chair leg and dragged it along with you, and felt the hand around your ankle tightenâ
With all your strength, you took the chair and heaved it back toward your captor. He let out a garbled swear, only agitated by your continued resistance. The hand around your ankle disappeared and you took it as an opportunity to get away.
âNot so fast.â
Your body hit the ground, the back of your head making purchase against stone. This time, you saw your assailantâhe was one of the guards from earlier, likely working under Le Chiffre's orders. Blood dribbled down his lower face, courtesy of your retaliation.
âI should just kill you here and now,â he growled and enclosed his meaty hands around your neck. âWon't make a difference.â
You struggled against him, but to no avail. Your windpipe was being crushed and your vision blurred.
You thrashed and scratched and kickedâthis was the end. Oh god, was this the end?â
A shot rang out.
Air slowly began seeping into your airway and you hacked a cough around the hands that had fallen away from your throat.
The dead body above you was heavy and sticky, and the smell of iron permeated your nose like a nightmare. You didn't even realize your cheeks were damp until you blinked and tears filled your eyes.
You nearly died just then.
With a suppressed sob, you shoved the dead body off you with all of your remaining strength.
There, by the table, was Changmin and the smoking gun in his hand. He still looked only half conscious, but he'd managed to get himself to sit up with pure willpower, enough to reach the gun stashed beneath the table, and to aim and fire a shot.
The room was quiet for a few moments, other than the persistent ringing in your ears.
Then you let yourself cryâit shook through your body and shoulders in violent sobs.
Changmin's chest clenched painfully at the sound, and the gun clattered out of his hand so he could crawl his way over to you. His hair, his face, his clothes were all dampened in sweat and the empty syringe laid abandoned on the floor. He made it over to where you were, the red of your dress mixed with the blood of a dead man, and held your body close to his.
âI'm sorry,â he muttered against your hair, lips pressed against your crown. âYouâre okay; we're okay now,â he promised.
With his strength slowly returning to him, Changmin sat himself upright and let your body lean against him. You grappled onto him so tightly, as if he might slip out of your grasp.
It was almost thirty minutes later that you and Changmin returned to the poker game. With some gentle coaxing, he got you into the shower to wash the blood away, but you couldn't get the icky feeling clinging to you. He'd been gentle, though, letting you sit beneath the stream in your dress as he got onto the shower floor with you to run the water and soap through your hair.
In his hold, he rocked you gently through the tremors. âNo one's gonna hurt you anymore, sweetheart,â he rasped. Never again, not if he could help it.
You'd never seen him like thatâall the tenderness in his gaze out in the open.
And you'd only seen it when you glanced up at him once; the rest of the time, you tucked your chin to your knees, staring at a tile.
Unnerved but still alive, you entered the room with another clean dress, and Changmin with another clean set of clothes. You returned to your place beside Juyeon, and Changmin went back to the table to face Le Chiffre.
Le Chiffre, however, looked as if he'd seen a ghost. His eyes had widened just a millimeter, but it was enough.
Changmin dragged up the sleeves of his dress shirt, a predatorial-like gleam in his eyes. You almost killed me. Even worse, you dared to lay a dirty hand on her. âSorry about that,â he drawled, gaze lifting to meet Le Chiffre's, âseemed that last hand nearly killed me.â
His opponent swallowed.
The game resumed.
With the final phase in play, the dealer announced that there could be no more buy-ins. Juyeon had fetched you a drink, which you were most grateful for, and Changmin avoided all beverages for the remainder of the game.
âEverything alright?â Juyeon asked you quietly as you chugged your drink.
âPerfectly.â You handed the drink off to a waiter nearby and smiled tightly. âWe were just strategizing on how to murder this game.â You hoped he didn't hear the tremor in your voice.
As the final round approached, each of the four finalists that were left alive were asked to make their bets. Each player slowly, but surely, slid all of their remaining chips into the center.
Everyone was all in.
âReveal your cards, if you please.â
One by one, the cards in each player's hand was turned. The room held its collective breath as Le Chiffre revealed an ace and a sixâa fuller house, with three aces and two sixes.
All that was left were Changmin's.
With little more than an arched brow, he slid his cards apart: a five and seven, both of which were spades. When joined together with the rest, they madeâ
âA straight flush,â announced the dealer. âMonsieur Ji wins the game.â
Cheers and applause rang out throughout the room as the game finally came to a close. Relief soared through you, and you shook hands with Juyeon at Changmin's success. Perhaps twenty million had been spent, but it all meant that you had won back that money in full.
From your standpoint, you couldn't see Le Chiffre's reaction, but he didn't look pleased. He stormed out of the room only moments later.
Changmin was swift to join the two of you, his hand coming to lie on your shoulder. âWe should go after him,â he said.
Juyeon nodded, expression sobering. âYou're right.â
âI'm going with you,â you told him. Already anticipating his refusal, you shut him down with a look. Though you might have been shaken from the night's near-death experience, it only seemed to steel over your resolve to catch this bastard. âI'm safer with you; don't try to argue with me.â
He knew you were rightâyou saw the reluctant agreement in his eyes. He grunted, âOkay, but you're staying behind me the entire time and when I say run, you better run.â
You patted his chest and followed after Juyeon. âOf course.â
The three of you raced after Le Chiffre in the direction he disappeared. He'd gone up to the second floor via the grand staircase in the lobby, but neither you nor the other boys knew which direction he went from there. The second floor was damn near close to a labyrinth.
âWe split up,â Changmin declared. âMe and Yn go one way and Juyeon takes the other.â
âWait, Juyeon goes alone?â You butted in. âLe Chiffre is dangerous and desperate; that combination isn't good for anybody.â
âNone of us have any weapons either,â Juyeon pointed out.
Changmin gestured to you. From beneath the skirt of your new dress, you withdrew the pistol from earlier out into the light. After what happened in your suite, the both of you thought it best to let security measures be damned and holster a gun to your inner thigh. And now, it was proving to be the right decision.
Juyeon deadpanned, amending, âI don't have a weapon.â
âThen you should go get one,â Changmin said smartly. You rolled your eyes at him.
âIâshit.â Juyeon huffed in frustration. âGoddamn it. You better hold your promise, Ji.â
âMy word is gold,â Changmin swore as you passed him the pistol. âWe'll find Le Chiffre; you call for backup.â
With that matter settled, you grabbed Changmin's hand and set off in one direction.
His fingers tightened around you as you stuck close behind him. The corridor was hauntingly quiet with not a soul around. You and Changmin trudged onward and kept your eyes and ears open for anybody hiding behind a corner or waiting to enact revenge on your poker victory tonight.
The hair on your arms and the back of your neck stood erect, heart thundering loudly in your ears.
So loud, that you almost missed it.
You caught Changmin's eyes. Did you hear that?
There it wasâit sounded like voices coming from a room further down the hall.
ââplease, just a few more weeks, and I can get you your money back!â
A muffled response in return.
âNO! I swear, I'll do better! I have another iââ
You never heard the end of Le Chiffre's offer. There was only the sound of a metallic swish, followed by a dull weight hitting the ground. A body.
Your breath hitched as you and Changmin looked around wildly for a swift exit or cover. There was an emergency stairwell just a few doors down.
Changmin grabbed you and booked it.
Your breath caught in your throat as he pressed you against the open doorway, eyes flickering somewhere behind you to watch the door the voices had come from.
âDo you trust me?â He asked, eyes furiously searching your own.
You didn't have to think about it. âYes.â
Just as a door opened in the hallway, Changmin cupped your jaw with his hand, braced himself against the doorway with the other, and kissed you.
Your eyes fluttered closed upon immediate impact and you felt your heart leap into your throat. His lips moved gently against your own, as if afraid of breaking you, and his hand moved down from your jaw to wrap around your waist to pull you flush against him.
One moment you were melting into his embrace, and the next, he was shoving you behind the other side of the doorway for cover.
A war cry rang outânot Changmin, you realizedâas a body blurred past you and was thrown into the stairwell's metal railing. Your soul nearly left your body, head turning in time to throw yourself out of the way of the incoming bodies.
Changmin brawled and grappled on the floor with a second man, a silver machete glistening in the dim light, only a few centimeters from his throat. The first man was slowly beginning to stand up, and your eyes tracked where Changmin's gun had skidded to the floor.
You swiped the gun up just as Changmin wrestled his opponent off him.
With adrenaline powering through you, you smashed the butt of the gun against the back of the man's skull. He crumpled to the cementâunconscious.
âHere,â you breathed, helping Changmin to his feet and shoving the gun into his hand.
He shook his dizziness away, eyes widened on something behind you. âYN, DUCK!â
You swore, and dropped to the ground, narrowly missing the arc of the first man's machete attempting to remove the head from your shoulders.
You dove down the first set of stairs to get out of the way of the fight, your knees and hands scraping against the cement and bruising.
The man with the machete attacked Changmin with reckless abandon, swinging his blade and striking the railing to make sparks fly. Changmin had no opening to use his firearm andâoh shit. They were coming this way.
âYn, you better be fucking running.â
He didn't need to tell you twice. You tumbled down more stairs, ditching your heels as you went. You would be useless in this fight, so your best action would be to get the fuck out of the way.
Changmin's breath flew out of his chest as he hit the wall hard, then stuck his hands out in time to stop the assassin from impaling his head on the sword. Changmin drove his knee into his stomach, then threw him across the stairs to the opposite landing.
The fight clambered on down the spiral stairwell, metal clashing against metal, and bone and flesh grinding against stone. Changmin gritted his teeth as he fumbled backwards down the stairs, hitting the opposing wall with even more momentum.
He duckedâand missed another swing; and another; and another.
There was a kick to his gut, and his body went flying. His assailant took a leaping start and charged. Changmin grabbed at his hands again, desperately attempting to wrestle the machete away.
The weapon went sailing; that was his opening.
With pure adrenaline, Changmin fisted the man's shirt and flung him over whatever railing was left. You cursed as his body hit the basement floor with a thump.
Changmin tackled him as he attempted to climb to his feet. With the violent thrashing, Changmin ended up beneath him, his arm wrapped tightly around his opponent's neck, and he squeezed.
The man's arm flopped about, desperately reaching for the gun that scattered onto the floor from all the ruckus. If he could just reach itâ
You lunged for the gun, tripping as the man clawed at your ankle to throw you off. You shrieked, swinging the barrel at his hand to knock it away.
When you finally managed to scramble backward, you watched the light fade in the assassin's eyes.
As soon as the man slumped in death, Changmin loosened his grip and crawled out from beneath the body.
You clambered over to him and helped him to his feet, his joints and muscles screaming as he attempted to straighten. He groaned, white-knuckling the railing, âFucking hell.â
âAre you okay? Holy shit, Changmin,â you said, wrapping your arms around him to hold him up. There had been too many close calls there.
You passed a glance over at the corpse lying on the floor about a meter away from you. A shudder rippled down your spine, and you felt Changmin's hand on your forearm, like he knew.
From up above, you heard the sound of the stairwell door opening. The two of you peered straight upwards as a familiar face peered over the landing.
âLe Chiffre's dead,â said Juyeon. In his hand was a pistol; it seemed he finally retrieved his firearm.
âNo shit,â you and Changmin replied simultaneously, chests heaving up and down in laborious panting.
Juyeon blinked, squinting his eyes to take in your appearances. âWhat the fuck happened to you guys?â
âCareful,â you called up to him, âthat guy isn't dead.â
Juyeon jolted and he considered the body at his feet with new awareness.
You threw one of Changmin's arms around you to begin the ascent back up. âCan youâfuck. Is that yours?â You swore for the thousandth time tonight as you peered over at the growing dark splotch of red seeping through Changmin's shirt.
He hung his head as strength rapidly bled out of him with his own life force, and you carefully laid Changmin down on the ground.
âJuyeon!â You called out. âJuyeon, help!â
You heard rapid footsteps in the distance, but it faded to background noise as you ripped open Changmin's shirt and came face to face with the vicious knife wound in his abdomen. âOh my god,â you whispered. God, there was so much blood.
âCover the wound, Yn,â Juyeon said to you as he leapt down the final steps. âFuck, this looks bad.â
âHe must not have begun to feel it until the adrenaline was over,â you reasoned in a desperate attempt to keep your head on straight. Per Juyeon's instructions, you pressed your palms over the wound, bile rising in your throat from all the blood. âChangminâChangmin, come on. Stay with me.â
He murmured something you couldn't hear, and you leaned your ear down over his lips. âCome on, talk to me, love. Tell me something, anything.â
His voice came out, barely there. âI'm⊠I'm glad I gotâI got to see you again.â
And he would see you again. That was a promise you made to yourself, and to him, as Juyeon called for his reinforcements and you clung onto Ji Changmin's life with your own.
When Changmin came to, it was bright enough to blind him. There was a fuckass beam of sunlight shining right into his eyes, and he blinked rapidly, wrinkling his face into a grimace. There was a violent throbbing in his abdominal area that ached when he attempted to roll over or sit up.
Was he dead?
âYou're not dead.â
His body immediately relaxed into the sheets he was settled in. When his eyes grew accustomed to the god awful amount of light in the room, he was met by the sight of your face, silhouetted against the sun, and beautiful. âAre you sure? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you're an angel.â
Your palm came over to rest against his forehead, and his eyes fluttered shut. âYou must still have that fever,â you teased.
When you both shared a laugh, he opened his eyes again.
It seemed he was in a hospital roomâwell, something akin to that. It looked more like a small bedroom was transformed into one, and he laid on the bed with a heart rate monitor hooked up to him on the side. You perched on the edge of his bed with a cardigan draped over your frame, and something soft in your eyes.
No, he was definitely in heaven. Maybe he didn't die, but he was in heaven.
Your expression sobered as your hand drifted down to caress the side of his face. âYou lost a lot of blood,â you whispered. âI was really worried about you.â
Changmin brought his hand up to gently take your wrist and turn your palm inward, his lips meeting your hand in a butterfly kiss. âHey, sweetheart. I'm alright now, see?â He intertwined your fingers, missing the feeling of how they felt interlocked in the hotel hallway.
The hotel hallwayâthe fightâLe Chiffreâthe kiss. His lips seared at the memory, and he fought the urge to touch his lips at the phantom sensation.
âWhat happened?â He croaked out instead, gazing up at you. His heart tugged against its confines when he made out the shape of dark purple smudged against your cheekbone. It was the bruise forming from the guard who came after you, and it made Changmin ache to see.
Hurt, you'd been so hurt.
You shifted your body so you could tuck your feet onto the bed, too. âJuyeon came with reinforcements and we got you out of there as soon as possible. One of Le Chiffre's clients killed himâthe guys you fought with in the stairwell. Apparently he'd used their money to buy into the game, and because he wasn't able to win, they killed him.â
Changmin stared up at the eggshell-colored ceiling. He supposed that would have been the tangible evidence needed to convict Le Chiffre, but his client was faster at acting as judge, jury, and executioner.
âM's on her way to meet with you,â you continued, your thumb gently tracing dizzying circles onto the back of his hand.
âTo be expected,â he chuckled. He glanced back up at you. âHow are you? Were you hurt at all?â
You shook your head. âNo, nothing to your extent. There were a few scratches and bruises, but nothing time won't heal.â
âAnd everything else?â Your mental state, especially after all you went through, could not have been in a terrific place. If he could have prevented you from experiencing any of what happened, he would do it in a heartbeat.
The pure fear that speared through his chest when he thought you were about to dieâŠ
He had long since figured out that what he felt for you was not simply platonic. It was moreâhe yearned for more. Seeing you again after so long just made it worse.
You made a noncommittal noise. âI'll⊠I'll be alright.â
For a moment, the room filled with only silence and the white noise from the heart rate monitor. You suddenly perked up at something, and turned to reach over to grab an item from the side table. Changmin recognized the small laptop device from the poker game now seated on your lap.
âThe money pit from the game was stored in escrow in a Swiss bank. A representative from the bank delivered this to us,â you explained, showing him the screen. It left room for a passcode to be filled in. âTo the victor go the spoils, love.â
The nickname made him shudder and he forced himself into an upright position.
âChangminââ
âI got it,â he countered and stubbornly gritted his teeth through the pain until he was seated against the headboard next to you. He clutched his injury, head knocked back against the wood. âWell? Wanna guess the password?â
You lifted your brows in amusement. âDo you know how many six letter combinations exist out there? For all I know, it was a random keyboard smash.â
He chuckled lowly, leaning his chin against your shoulder. âS.â
We're really doing this? You seemed to ask with the expression on your face. You humored him, though, pressing down on the S key.
âW.â
The letters that followed amounted to S-W-T-H-R-T. You were quiet for a second as you stared at the final combination; you didn't want to press the enter key just yet.
Changmin murmured against your shoulder. âI'm not one for corny messages, but that's a 'sweetheartâ if I've ever seen one.â
You were still quiet as you pressed enter and unlocked the winner's pot. There was no special celebration, no balloons or confettiâjust a solid number with too many zeroes for your little heart to handle. Perhaps, in the end, there really was no amount of money in the world that could buy your company. Not if you freely gave it, at least.
Changmin felt his chest lurch. âYn, sweetheart, say something.â He leaned off your shoulder so you could turn your body to face him, the laptop returning to its place on the side table.
âWhat should I say?â You asked, your fingers playing with his own in your two hands.
âI'm sorry if the kiss was too much.â
You faltered for a second. âIt, uhm, it wasn't too much. I actually thought that it was nice.â
âYou did?â He hated the way hope made him feel, how it made his heart sprout wingsâmaybe he was dead.
A small smile crawled onto your lips and you dug your teeth into your bottom lip. âMaybe I did.â You raised a hand to the side of your face, an embarrassed groan falling out of your mouth. âGod, I feel like a teenager with a crush again.â
âGiddy?â
âPathetic,â you teased. You leaned your head against the headboard again as you looked over at him with the most beautiful gleam in your eyes he had ever seen.
He never understood the romanticizing of someone's eyesâwhat else had he ever discerned but fear or boredom? But he could hear your laugh just by seeing your smile reach your eyes, and he could feel the warmth spreading in his chest and making electricity zip down his spine from the tenderness in your irises.
He swallowed hard. âIf you feel pathetic, then I am literally chopped liver,â he said. A surge of courage, the kind that was a trademark of his reputation, propelled his next words: âI'd like to kiss you again.â
Your eyes darted to his lips and he clung onto that detail as if he were hanging by a thread. âBecause you saved the world, Agent 007, you can kiss the girl,â you mused.
You leaned over him slightly and cupped the back of his head, mouth meeting his own in a familiar dance. Even with his injury, he pushed back to meet you, and ignored the throbbing in his stomach, so he could haul you closer, over, around him. Anything to get you pressed up against him.
Realâyou were real, and you were alive, and so was he.
a/n: pls remember to reblog + comment if u enjoyed! omg that permanent taglist looks SCARY đđđ
tbz m.list
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007 changmin..... like yeah.......

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demon!ji changmin x reader (no pronouns used, but original fic was f!reader)
love. â what is love if not your steady heartbeat in his ear when he thinks you should be afraid?
4.7k words, established relationship, demon/supernatural creatures au, mild angst, very minor humor, bit of fluff?, mentions of blood, so much intimacy (skinship, cheek/stomach kisses), mentions of insecurities, swearing, use of pet names (love, sweetheart)
read night terrors / peruse the collection post
a/n: this lowkey just became a character study of demon changmin
THERE WEREN'T MANY INSTANCES where you were afraid for Changmin, nor were there many instances where you were afraid of him. You suspected that he strived to avoid either of said instances, especially regarding the latter. After all the two of you had experienced with one another, it seemed important to him that you could trust him and were not scared.Â
It was difficult for him to fully accept that he did not frighten you in some way. Part of that reason, you guessed, was simply his awareness of how others viewed his species.
What was he but a mortal's night terror, a creature of evil?
To him, you should have been sleeping with a stake beneath your pillowâor rather, you shouldn't have had enough trust to sleep next to him at all.Â
But several months under your relationship's belt was beginning to ease his concerns. The long drives up and down the state, chasing his strange assignments for work, had slowly become something he could look forward to. Sunshine or rain battering the windows, he would glance away from the dense fog outside to see you holding on desperately to the waking world, or feel your fingers curl around his hand when sleep stole you away.Â
Most of the time, it wasn't too dangerous and you didn't mind tagging along with him. You'd grown used to the nomad lifestyle, seemingly content with spending a couple weeks in Moonstone Creek from time to time, and the rest of it with him.Â
You loved him; you always made that clear. The ring on your right ring finger was proof that he knew that and reciprocated.
There were always, however, doubts. Changmin always had doubts.Â
ââAnd I'll get that blueberry muffin creamer you liked yesterday, too.âÂ
Changmin broke out of the bubble he'd trapped himself in at the sensation of your lips against his cheek. This mortal body he had flushed at the feeling, his hand swift to stop you from leaving just yet, like an instinct.Â
He wrapped an arm around your waist, and his face was level with your stomach from the chair he sat in. The hotels you usually stayed at on your routes always came with a desk and chair, so you could work on Moonstone Creek's finances or he could research. He pressed a kiss to your clothed stomach, his hand squeezing your waist affectionately. âThanks, sweetheart.â
Your smiling eyes met his and you combed your hand through his hair once, twice. âI'll be back soon. You just keep your head in those books.â
He grumbled something against your stomachââI thought college was the last time I'd be pouring over textsââand your laugh twinkled over his head. He hadn't even been paying attention to the texts he brought; really, his head was elsewhere today.Â
âThat's your fault for being an anthropology major and for literally chasing down ancient artifacts as your main source of income.â
âThat was so unhelpful.â
Another comb through his hair. He could melt. âJust being honest,â you sang amusedly. âOkay, but I should get a move on. All their pastries are gonna be gone, and their danishes smelled really good yesterday.â
He hummed. âStay safe.â Another kiss.Â
Your hand settled at the nape of his neck. âI will. Love you.â
The words warmed in his chest. Just as you were pulling away, his grip tightened for a moment. âYou have Clyde?â He couldn't let anything happen to you.Â
âYesââ you patted your jacket pocket, ââClydeâs where he's always been. And Bonnie?â
âYou know she's not moving,â he said, cocking a brow at you.Â
You bit your lip through a small laugh and slowly moved toward the hotel room door, shoving your wallet and the room key into your pockets. âOkay. Happy reading then, love.â
âUnhappy reading,â he groaned into his hand, which was followed by your laugh and the door closing behind you. The corners of his lips lifted into a smile.
He counted a few seconds in case you had forgotten something, then went over to grab his phone from the nightstand. Settling on the edge of the bed, he pulled up the text thread he had between himself and Sangyeon.Â
sangyeon: okay so don't freak out [sent an image]
sangyeon: but i found this lying around my house the other day, and i asked lily abt it and she said yn was on the fence abt showing u
Changmin could recognize your handwriting against Lily's in the picture. The image was a clear scan of a piece of paper, who's centerpiece was that of a house. It was a roughly drawn blueprint of a cottage, something small, cozy, homely. The house, as you outlined, wasn't large at all, but with one full floor, an attic, and a porch. There were notes all around the house in your familiar scrawl, writing about the projected cost of each thingâtypical of you to think about practicality, even in your fantasy house blueprintâas well as features you'd like installed, like a fireplace and a porch swing.
It reminded him so much of Sena's house in the suburbs in a way⊠had you thought about this while you were there? A place you could call home, some place to settle down eventually, and finally have a slice of normalcy?
sangyeon: lily said she coaxed it out of yn, which is why yn didn't want to share it and make it seem like she was forcing u into anything u weren't comfortable w
sangyeon: but i think that u love her enough to hear her out
sangyeon: idk⊠it's ur call ofc whether or not u want to have that conversation yet
Changmin always had doubts. He'd learned during his time on the mortal plane to slow down and feel the weight of another's emotions, and what inevitably came with empathy was insecurity.Â
You loved him; that was why his ring was on your finger and you would never bring up the cottage you confided to Lily about. You loved him, and knew that there was an unmistakable itch in him that could only be scratched when he was able to move, to not be chained to one place. But humans were different from demons, and your experiences were different from his.Â
He always had doubts that you might never be fully content with this life he led.Â
He sighed, massaging his jaw absentmindedly with one hand. Sangyeon had sent him those messages two days ago when you and he were driving to this sleepy town, tucked away at the foot of a mountain range. You'd been asleep when they were received, which was why you didn't see the notifications. Changmin could do as little then as he could now, and he basically replied to Sangyeon that he would think about it and talk to you.Â
At some point.Â
That was before he realized that it would be all he could think about. There was no word for 'selfishâ or 'selflessâ in demonic culture. It was either you did something to help yourself or harm yourselfâusually, those who didn't act for their own benefit were thought of as weaker willed. It was difficult to dismantle methods of thinking like this in order to view the world and his interactions in a different way.Â
Changmin abandoned his phone on the nightstand so that he could step over to the window and shove it open. The lever was rusty and squealed as he cranked it counterclockwise to let in the fresh pine morning and the natural white noise.Â
Maybe this would help him focus on work or gain the courage to talk to you when you came back.
Changmin barely glanced up in time to see a blurry mass hurtling toward his face. âShit.âÂ
He dropped to the floor.
A gleeful and tinny laugh like the rattle inside an aluminum can filled the room. The spike of shock in his heart was replaced very quickly with red, hot annoyance.Â
âYou have got to be kidding me,â he grunted, clambering to his feet, eyes narrowed on the pixie who had invaded his space. âDon't you fuckers ever knock?â
The pixie was only about a foot and a half tall, its translucent, membranous wings fluttering at the speed of a human eye's blink. This one in particular had a pair of orbs as dark as the lowest circles of Hell for eyes and two racks of jagged teeth lining its gums. The pixie buzzed around the room, careful to remain out of Changmin's reach.Â
Fuckass supernatural mosquitoâŠ.
âYou hide your true form, demon,â its voice crackled like tin foil. âNaughty, naughty.â
Changmin's nostrils flared. âWhat's it to you, imp?â
âThe darkness that lies deep within youâI can smell itâhear it.â The pixie zipped around the room over Changmin's head, and he gritted his teeth, attempting to clamp his hands around it. It squealed in delight, black eyes going wider and wider as if it could gaze straight into his soul. âWhat if we open the door, demon? AhâI smell a human in this room!â
He stiffened. âYouâre only smelling my human form,â he bit out.
âMust you need a reminder? I can smell your true form and I can smell lies.âÂ
Changmin stumbled back as the pixie flew directly in front of his face, then fluttered out of reach before he could snatch the piece of shit out of the air. The organ in his chest continued to hurtle toward overdriveâthe pixie could smell you. The pixie could smell you. âI will rip the wings from your back if you even think about touching my human,â he growled.Â
The pixie gasped, clapping its tiny, pale hands. âOh-ho! The claws become you! Won't you show a little more skin, demon?âÂ
His eyes turned down to his hands, palms turned upward, the tips of his fingers turned an ash gray. Where his chipped fingernails had been, now sat a full set of dagger-sharp claws. He hadn't even realized he'd transformed them.Â
âWhat color does a pixie bleed?â Changmin lunged for the pixie with his claws outstretched.Â
The pixie dove out of the way, the claw just barely missing the edge of its leg. âDoes your human taste divine?â
âNone of your fucking business.â
âNot very fun are you, demon?â The pixie whizzed past his ear, behind his headâChangmin whirled about on the ball of his foot.Â
He slammed his palm forward, claws denting the plaster, nightstand digging into his thighs. As the pixie rose up toward the ceiling to stay out of harm's way, Changmin climbed onto the bed, determination coursing through his veins.Â
âWould you like a riddle?â
Changmin swiped his hand, relishing in the splatter of clear liquid that glittered in the airâblood. The pixie's eyes widened, this time in fear. âWhy would I want a riddle?â
A tremble marked the pixie's voice. âTwin halves of old, sealed by a third / like matches, they will spark the world to burnââ Its words were cut off as it swooped out of the way, its clear blood trailing behind it as Changmin's breathing grew heavier, eyes narrowing. âTo save threeââ
A loud crinkle, akin to a dozen small bones being crushed. A shrill shriek, nails on a chalkboard. A demonic smirk as he clutched a fragmented wing in his clawed hand.Â
âYou were saying?â he taunted, bringing the flailing pixie close to his face. Changmin couldn't deny the rush of deep, animalistic satisfaction that purred in his chest at his caught prey. Whatever this pixie had in mind for you would never come to fruition.Â
âYou're a fool to not heed my warningââ it spat, its agony spilling in glittery globs, ââsuch actions are so true to your species, my liege.â
The impact of the title came accompanied by a flurry of something bright yellow and fuzzy thrown right into Changmin's face. Alarmed, he dropped the pixie and scrambled to claw the dust out of his eyes and mouth. He spluttered and spat the substance onto the hotel room floor; upon hands and knees, he tried desperately to get ahold of his bearings.Â
What the fuck was this stuff?
He could hear the blood pulsing in his ears, feel the transformation taking place. There was energy going toward places on his body to grow extremities he hadn't seen in years.Â
No, no, noâ
Changmin gagged on the pixie's dust, its acrid taste a reflection of the bitter effects to show. He screwed his eyes shutâwilled his body to take control of itself. When his hands went over his head, he swore at the feeling of the twin horns curling out of his crown.Â
Every one of his once-human senses were dialed to eleven. Voices and car motors and leaves crunching bombarded his ears; the intricately disgusting layers of odors in the carpet separated themselves beneath him. The sensations overwhelmed him from disuse. He held his head in his arms, panic weighing down and around his bones.Â
When the transformation was complete, he was left in haggard breaths. His arms shook as he pushed himself onto his hands and knees, then to brace against the hotel bed.Â
The pixie was gone, naturally, and likely escaped out the window from where it came in.Â
Changmin splayed his clawed hands beneath him on the white sheets.Â
He shook his head, attempting to clear his mind and reign in the sensations to focus on the most important ones. Everything else could be background for now; all he needed wasâwas that.Â
Thereâit was faint, but approaching by the second. Humming.
It was a soft, familiar sound that curled around his taut spine with the tenderness of a lover's caress. A heartbeat followed, slow but steady and sure. The pattern was also familiar, accompanied by leisurely footsteps and the smell of dark coffee and pastries.Â
If he could just focus on those sensations in particularâŠ
Then the thought hit him like a truck.Â
That was you. The voice, the heartbeat, the footsteps.
You would return at any moment and see him in this state. Changmin could practically feel the fear that would roll off you in waves (or was that his own?), and he lunged for the bathroom.Â
He stumbled into the dark chamber, fearing the reflection he'd find in the mirror should he turn the light on. The door slammed shut behind him and that darkness enveloped him.Â
There was your heartbeat againâba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dumâstill faint, but becoming clearer.Â
Slowly, he raised his head up to face the mirror on the bathroom wall. The dooming sense of acceptance dulled his own reaction.Â
Twin horns, onyx in color, curled out from the tufts of his hair, hard and unmistakable. His skin had taken on the grayish tint of his kind from the black blood that now ripped through his veins. There were the claws, of course, and the slim, wiry tail speared at the end with a sharp spade and a mind of its own. Fangs, jagged and like small knives, peaked their points out past his lips, and he snapped his mouth shut to keep the forked tongue from tasting air. His eyes had become that of a predator's, the pupils dark as night and slimmer in shapeâall the better for a deeper field of focus.Â
In Hell, the consistent lack of bright light made it so that pinpoint eyes were sought after; it was better to see in the dark and pick apart the deep shades of red, black, purple, and blues. And, well, any sudden movement.Â
Changmin didn't know why he tried to fool himself into thinking keeping the bathroom lights off would change anything.Â
Your heartbeat was coming closer, louder. His breathing was beginning to even out as he matched his own to the sound of air rushing through your trachea, then exhaling through your nose.Â
He could get himself back to his human form before you got back. He could do itâhe swore he could.Â
Focus.
It required so much focus and energy, but⊠but he could do it. He could do it before you saw him like this, before that calm heartbeat became erratic, and you became afraidâafraid of him.Â
His breathing deepened as he sucked in a lungful of oxygen. In⊠out.Â
Going from demonic form to human form in the mortal plane would be easy.Â
It should have been easy.Â
Seconds passed, and your footsteps approached from down the hall. There came the crinkle of a paper bag, shuffling of cardboard, as you shifted things in your hold to grab the room key from your pocket. The aroma of the pastries and coffee you brought back wafted into his nose, but not with the strength that your scent permeated every one of his sensesâ
Why couldn't he shift back?Â
He curled his hands into fists on the counter, frustration making his fangs scrape against each other.Â
Why wasn't he able to shift back? It was supposed to be easyâ
The door outside clicked open and fell shut. âChangmin? Hey, I'm back.â
He stilled. The words to call back to you were lodged in his throat, unable to form upon the accursed forked tongue in his mouth. Panic seized him by the ribcage and he suddenly found it suffocating to breathe.Â
There was silence on your end, and he could hear your heartbeat slowly begin to quicken. âAre youâare you okay? The wall's dented, and theâand the sheetsâŠâÂ
Your footsteps arrived before the bathroom door, and at the same time he heard the door handle jiggle, he slammed his hand against it to bar you from coming in.Â
Changmin could feel your leap of fright; his shoulders sagged with regret. It probably wasn't the best idea to do that. âDon'tââ he cleared his throat from the grittiness there, ââdonât come in.â
Your heartbeat calmed then, after hearing back from him. âI won't,â you promised. âIs everything okay?â
I look like a monster. Some dumb fucking pixie made it so I can't shift forms. And I can't lock the stupid door because my nails are too long.Â
But you didn't need to know all of that.Â
He hung his head, attempting to feel that tendril of power in him that he could grapple onto to trigger the transformation. Nothing. âI'm⊠I'm fine,â he choked out. âIââÂ
The corded necklace that was hidden beneath his shirt swung out into his view. His half of the pendant was not pulsing with life like yours was; it was connected to your heart, after all. But he curled his fingers around it nonetheless, his ears singling out your pulse.Â
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum...
â... Changmin? Can I do something to help?â
He needed time. Fuck, he just needed to wait this stupid pixie dust out. His first thought was to send you away so you wouldn't see him at all. The next was a counter to the formerâhe needed your pulse. That was his anchor.Â
The energy was slowly seeping from his bodily stores to sustain this form in this realm. Maybe if the pixie dust didn't wear off, he could tire his body into transforming.Â
Your voice came out even softer. âHey, what's going on, love?â
His forehead hit the door, eyes fluttering shut. âI'm not⊠I don't look like myself right now.â The self you're used to, at least. âA pixie came into the room andâand it threw something at me to force me to transform.â
âIntoâŠ?â
There was a light thump sound from the other side of the door as you leaned against it. Your warmth radiated through the wood, and the little monster inside him leaned into it. âMy demon form.â
Changmin loathed the silence, your held breath. The acceptance washed over him in a deafening wave like his head was being held underwater.Â
âOkay,â you exhaled, finally. âThatâs okay⊠and so you're not able to turn back, is that it?â
His eyes couldn't help but narrow. âYou're not scared.â The scent rolling off you wasn't that of fear.Â
âWhy would I be scared of you?â
Changmin's breath shuddered. There were plenty of reasons for you to be scared once you saw him. This body was made to harm. âI can hear your heartbeat.â
âI'm not scarââ
âI could hear it from the street, Yn.â He didn't know what to do about the leap in your pulse, the way that steady ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum tripped over itself. Something at the back of his mind urged him to continueâto tell you everything and convince you to be scared. âI can feel the heat from your blood and smell the hotel soap on your skin.â
A beat passed. âThat doesn't scare me.â
If you were anyone else, he would have laughed in your face. Foolish, foolish human. But you weren't just anyone else, and he couldn't get your terror out of his head.Â
When he didn't say anything for a moment, you murmured, âLove, can I come in? Can I see you?â
Changmin swallowed. âI don't want to scare you.â
âI knowâbut I trust you.â Your hand warmed the door handle on the other side, the soft clink of his ring against the metal echoing through the material to reach him. âDo you trust me?â
(If demons ultimately were motivated to do things that would help them, then he should open the door. To his brethren, a human willingly walking into his clutches was a mark too easy not to lose. But the reason they would want you to come in through the door was nowhere near the same reason he wanted you to.Â
If demonic culture didn't have a word for selfish or selfless, then what was this?)
He leaned his weight off the door.Â
With his body mostly hidden behind the slab of wood, he carefully cracked the door open, his claws wrapped around the outside, so you would be fed his demonic form gradually. You'd seen the claws before when he'd gouged a siren's eyes out. But your eyes drank in the ashen skin around his featuresâdeath incarnateâfrom the slits of his irises to the spirals of ebony piercing out of his head.Â
Your heartbeat took off, galloping wildly as he revealed more and more of himself while you stepped into the bathroom. The thunderous rush of your blood echoed in his own ears; it was a tantalizing sensation.Â
There was a nervousness to your movements. Your lips were tight, hands slightly shaky. But above all else, your eyes remained tender and worried, and he might have fallen to his knees if he wasn't clutching the door.Â
âDo you want to close the door?â You asked.Â
Even now, you wanted to accommodate him. He gave a small nod, but added, âCan youâcan you turn around?â
You dipped your head once, then turned your back to him.Â
(So much trust⊠When did he earn all of this? From what did he deserve to have your back to him in this context? He could slit your throat in a blink, but you would throw yourself into Hell if he asked.
If demonic culture didn't have a word for selfish or selfless, then what was this?)
Changmin closed the bathroom door and swallowed everything into darkness once again. He could hear your shallow breathing; you were trying to keep it steady, because you knew he could hear it as clear as a bell, but it wouldn't fool him.Â
He took a step closerâthen faltered, as he reached a hand out for your shoulder. He retracted his hand to his side. âYou can turn around.â
Eyes watched as you slowly turned your body back around. You were fidgeting around with his ring, twisting the dark metal back and forth, as you lifted your eyes up and down his form.Â
There was that catch in your breath again. Changmin's shoulders were so tense, he couldn't decide if that was from how high-strung he was or from the energy steadily being spent from his body. He'd probably last about another hour or two before collapsing.Â
The bathroom was deafeningly quiet, with only your breaths and heartbeat keeping his insecurities company. He wanted to shrink into the collar of his shirt under your gaze, eyes blown wide as the moon. As you soaked him in, his eyes roved over your faceâsearching, searching, searching.Â
At last, you tried for a soft smile. âYou don't scare me.â
âI don't?â But he couldn't smell fear on you, couldn't make out any clear displays of it. He'd looked for them all. Your heartbeat had calmed, but your expression had never lost that something.Â
(Was this love?)
You stepped forward once, and then again, until you stood with your toes touching and noses almost brushing. You shook your head and reached up to brush your thumb against his cheekbone.Â
So warm⊠so gentle.Â
His fangs gleamed in the dark when his lips parted. âYou've been through so much,â he croaked. âDon't I look like them?â Them, the few creatures who had made you go on the run in the first place? Did creatures like him not haunt your waking world and nightmares? How could you bear to sleep next to him at night?
âIf you're trying to convince me you're a monster, then it won't work.â Your fingers trailed down the plane of his face and he reached up to grasp onto you before you could retreat. âDoes it hurt?â
At that question, he couldn't help the small, raspy laugh that bubbled out of his chest.Â
âWhat?â You asked, the corners of your mouth lifting upward.Â
âIt's noââ he shook his head, his tongue darting out to slip over his lips. His fingers rearranged around yours and held them close to his chest, his thumb finding the familiar characters of his name wrapped around your digit. âânothing. I just⊠you still care.â
Confusion flickered over your face, but was swiftly replaced by something softer. âOf course I still care.â
âI could hurt you.â
âYou could have hurt me a long time ago.â But you haven't.Â
Changmin swallowed again, relishing in the warmth that radiated from your palm wrapped in his. âNo, it doesn't really hurt,â he whispered. âI just can't sustain this form for very long.â
Your eyes shone. âHow long?â
âA couple hours at most,â he said, fangs grazing his lip. âI'm trying to wait out the pixie dustââ
âPixie dust? Aren't you supposed to be flying?â Your grin was flooring, but he managed not to falter. At his deadpan expression, you patted the back of his hand. âSorry, don't get your horns in a twist.â
âYnââ
âIt was right there; I had to.âÂ
Even he couldn't suppress the curl of lips for long. He just⊠Hell, he just loved you. Even if he now had slits for pupils and knives for teeth, nothing could mistake the blatant fondness in his features. His eyes could be pitch black, but he would still find a way to express silently how much he adored you.Â
You pursed your lips, the mirth leaving your face for a second. âDo you need blood? How long until the pixie dust wears off?â
âI'm not sure, but I'm not taking your blood.â He sent you a pointed look when you opened your mouth to retaliate. âIt's like you have a death wish from the amount of times you've offered me blood. I'm not dying, sweetheart.â
âYou could beâŠâ
âTechnically, I'm undeadââ
You rolled your eyes. âOkay, whatever.â Your nose wrinkled up for a second, and then you were wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your face against his shirt. âYouâre still Changmin to me. You're still the guy I'm in love with.â
His arms came around your form and he tucked his face into the crook of your neck, careful to keep his horns from hitting you. He suffocated himself on the feel of your skin, the subtle bump in your pulse just beneath the surface. Despite everything, you still trusted him enough to put his teeth so close to your scars. You didn't run away from him, from the true him.Â
(Was this love?)
He wanted to hold you here forever. His human. âI love you.â
Your body tensed in surprise, and it nearly chased him away until you squeezed him tighter. He felt your lips against the place his human heart would have been. Changmin always had doubts, but you were so good at calming them. âI know.â
And haven't you always known?
Changmin had known, too, even if he'd searched long and hard for the doubt. All this time of sharing your space, your warmth, your companyâhe knew.Â
a/n: pls remember to reblog + comment if u enjoyed!
night terrors fic / collection
permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @outrologist @rikizm @luumiinaa @lotties-readings @tinkerbell460 @kaaimins @hyunjaespresent-deobi @otterly-fey @gluion @floatingpluto @winterchimez @ethereal-engene @gyulfriend @polarisjisung @jaehunnyy @shakalakaboomboo @loveliestfelix @bless-311 @zhaixiaowen @leaz-kpop-life @amourdsr @pxppxrminty @kqyutie @sseastar-main @kxthleen14 @fluorescentloves @mosviqu @bjnet
GODDDDD pls god i love this
đ§đđŠđ
demon!ji changmin x reader
birthdays have never mattered to himâuntil it was yours.
1.7k words, fluff, supernatural/demon au, minimal swearing, est. relationship au, a night terrors hc
read night terrors / peruse the collection post
a/n: continuing to expand their story for my own sanity :') istg i will go back to writing their snarky banter at some point (i just like soft romance đ€)
JI CHANGMIN HAD ALWAYS THOUGHT OF BIRTHDAYS as insignificant, trivial matters. Perhaps that was because that was how he was raised to think of them as; hardly anyone in Hell cared for such a frankly human celebration of life. Even when he ended up on the mortal plane, he never seemed to fully grasp the concept.
There were always, within the couple years he knew your sister, days she would refuse to take on a client or work if it was your birthday. It could be the end of the world, and she would turn an adventure down to be at your side to celebrate your birthday. Despite being gone from home so often, she never failed to remember.
Maybe that was part of the reason he was freaking out now.
âWhat's all this?â He asked to the room as he munched on a blueberry pancake from the kitchen. When he walked into the pack house for breakfast this morning, he'd been greeted by the sight of Kevin and Jacob working together to string a Happy Birthday banner in the foyer. Balloons and streamers dangled and dazzled about the stair banister and around the walls. Lily had even recruited the little ones to help make about a thousand and one cupcakes.
Kevin and Jacob's heads both snapped over to him. âYou're shitting me, right?â Kevin asked. Atop the ladder he stood on, he placed a hand on his hip.
Changmin blinked. âI know it's someone's birthday; I can see it on the banner.â He threw his free hand in the direction of said item.
Kevin and Jacob exchanged looks with each other. Jacob was next to speak: âChangmin, do you seriously not know who's birthday it is?â
âNo, am I supposed to?â
âDid you guys say Yn likes the firefly lanterns or the sparklers?â Juyeon waltzed in through the front door with his arms piled full of a smorgasbord of lighting arrangements. He nearly dropped one of the glass firefly lanterns (currently devoid of fireflies, luckily), and he just managed to fumble it between his fingers before it hit the ground and shattered.
Why would he ask what youâŠ
The dots snapped together.
âShit.â
The night had swelled into a symphony of merriment and mirth. The party everyone had thrown for you had sailed smoothly, with Eric and Haknyeon having dragged you back from your hike through the forest only to return to everyone's welcome and well wishes. Along with lovely songs, so much good company and food, and a massive cupcake with a candle staked in its frosting, the night simmered out with music and games in the town center as always.
But by the end, your energy was fizzled out, and you found yourself shoving your face into the mass of a familiar body.
His chuckle was warm as he cupped the back of your head, cradling you and pressing something sweet to the side of your head with his lips. âTired, sweetheart?â
âMmh,â you hummed, eyes fluttering closed. After a long day full of activity and energy, it was time to recharge. The two of you stood upon the inn's front porch where you usually shacked up when you weren't on the road for Changmin's job. At some point, you figured you would settle down somewhere more permanent, but there was a part of you that figured your counterpart's skin crawled at the idea of putting roots down somewhere.
Forever was permanent and long, but you were patient.
You heard himâfelt himâclear his throat above you. âYouâyouâre not super tired, are you?â But as soon as he said that, he seemed to backpedal. âIf you are, then it's okay. You need the rest.â
âWhat is it, Changmin?â
âIt's nothing, Iââ
You pulled back from him and arched a brow high. âTell me.â
He winced to himself, cupping the back of his neck. You hadn't seen him so nervous before. âIââ he huffed as if he was working up the courage to say something, âCan I show you something?â
âYeah, sure,â you said with a nod. You offered out your hand to him with a cheeky smile on your face. âWhere to?â
Changmin's eyes darted from your face to your extended hand, then back up to your face. He slipped his hand into yours, fingers interlocking until your entwined hands hung between your bodies. âUpstairs,â he said, inclining his chin in toward the inn.
So upstairs, you ventured.
Instead of splitting yourselves up into two separate rooms like the very first time, you both shared a bedroom at the end of the second floor corridor. It wasn't like Changmin slept much anyway, so most nights you got free reign with bed space.
You didn't know why your heart began kicking up in speed as you approached the door. There wasn't anything out of the ordinaryâno clichĂ© rose petals strewn over the path, no candle light coming from beneath the door. You didn't expect anything of that sort from him, and frankly, you would have been suspicious if you ever witnessed something of that sort from him.
Changmin still hadn't said anything when you opened the door and let yourselves in. The bedroom was dark with only the light from the courtyard outside streaming through the slitted shutters on the window. There didn't seem to be anything new for him to show you hereâŠ
You sighed, letting go of his hand so you could massage your temples with the tips of your fingers. âI'm glad I didn't drink a lot tonight,â you mused, âI think I'm gonna need to train my tolerance back up again or something.â
âYn,â he finally said, voice low.
You turned to face him, eyes wide as they adjusted to the darkness better. âYeah?â
âIt's on the nightstand.â Changmin shoved his hands into his pants pockets and if you weren't mistaken, there was a jittery energy about him.
âRight, okay.â A part of you became giddy at the thought that he got you something for your birthdayâbecause that was what this was, right? Of course, you neither expected nor required something from him; you weren't even aware demons knew what a birthday celebration was.
Yet, you moved toward your side of the bed, leaning over to twist the lantern on to give the room a bit of warm light. Just as he said, there was something sitting on the nightstand beside your phone and the lamp.
Your heart stopped clean in your chest for a long second.
It was a ring.
There was no studded jewel at its apex; it was a band made of a dark material that gleamed like the color of mercury in the light. There seemed to be some kind of engraving on the side, but from where it sat, you couldn't make out exactly what it read.
You suddenly didn't know how to use your hands. Your fingers froze midair, unable to decide what to do with what sat there, waiting for you, calling out to you, for you.
âChangminââ Your fingers miraculously managed to thaw and carefully pluck the ring into your grasp. You swiveled on your foot to face him, holding it up. He still stood where he'd been before like his feet were glued to the floor. âWhat⊠what is this?â
The organ in your chest hammered so hard against your chest that your ears were filled with the sound of rushing blood.
He swallowed. His dark irises flashed in the dim lantern light and you crossed the room to stand in front of him again. âIt'sâitâs a birthday present.â Changmin unconsciously scratched his bicep then gripped his arm. âI don't really know how birthday presents work, but you know, it seemed like an important thing, so it must call for something important in return,â he murmured, now cupping the back of his neck and trying to avoid your eyes.
It was interesting seeing him so flustered and grasping for an explanation.
âAnd I remembered that Iââ When he raised his eyes to meet yours again, they searched your face. He lost his voice for a moment, all sense of thought. You still didn't know what he saw there to make him pause. A sigh fell from his lips. âWhen demons are born, they're given a naming ring,â he said quietly. âThe stone used adjusts to the wearer's finger, so it can be worn all throughout their life. I guess it's kind of like a birthday celebration, just at the beginning of our lives.â
He motioned to the ring in your possession. âThat's⊠that's mine. My name's in Latin on the side.â
Your thumb ran along the grooves carved into the stone, and though you didn't know Latin, you would commit the feel of his name to memory.
âWhy are you giving this to me if it's so important to you, hm?â You asked softly.
âYou're important to me.â
And if only every question between two people could be solved with so simple, yet so powerful an answer. You were positively devastated. âOh, Changminââ
He was quick to add, âIf you don't want it and it's weird, then that's fine. Iââ
âChangmin.â
âYeah.â
âI love it. Thank you.â
âOh.â
A smile curled itself onto your face and you saw it slowly reciprocate on his. You held up your hand, inspecting your fingers and wondering which you should wear it on. âY'know,â you murmured, âSena told me that the jewelry on each finger represents something.â You couldn't remember every one specifically, but you didn't have to doubt either of the ring fingers. Though this was no wedding ring, your right ring finger would do nicely.
âWhat does that one mean?â He asked quietly as you slid the band over your chosen digit. The stone was cool and smooth to the touch, and it seemed to fit exactly right, just as he said it would.
âNot really sure,â you confessed as he took your newly adorned hand into his. His thumb immediately went to feel his name curled around your finger. âSomething that describes what you mean to me though.â
The light in Changmin's eyes was tender, warm, happy. He cupped the side of your face with his hand and brought his lips to your head, mouth lingering there for a second longer. âHappy birthday, sweetheart.â
a/n: it's not an engagement ring, so don't look at me like that. i'm Not Delusional, YOU AREâ (for those who need to know, the right ring finger is love and trust :'))
night terrors fic / collection
permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @tinkerbell460 @kaaimins @hyunjaespresent-deobi @otterly-fey @zzoguri @floatingpluto @winterchimez @ethereal-engene @gyulfriend @polarisjisung @jaehunnyy @shakalakaboomboo @loveliestfelix @bless-311 @zhaixiaowen @leaz-kpop-life @amourdsr @pxppxrminty @kqyutie @sseastar-main @kxthleen14 @fluorescentloves @mosviqu @justalildumpling @jaerisdiction @super-btstrash-posts @jundundun @http-gyu @mvvnsseul @outrologist @vernonburger @maessseongs @ericlvr @mars101
this one makes me cry everytime
đđđđđ đđđđđđđ â part two (viii â xv)
nonidol!ji changmin x f!reader
your sister's dead, but apparently that's not the most shocking news. maybe she wasn't killed on accident, maybe ji changmin isn't really human, and maybe the monsters were never under the bed but all around you...
â· genre, warnings. strangers 2 reluctant allies/friends 2 lovers, slow burn, demon/supernatural creatures au, angst, action, murder mystery-ish au, forced proximity trope, suspense, gore, depictions of violence and blood, themes of death and grief, use/description of weaponry, swearing, a slightly unreliable narrator bc she has no idea what's happening, reader's sister is dead, humor bc coping mechanisms, almost drowning, drugged drinks, kidnapping, reader has hair long enough to braid sorry, beheading, mentions of skinning someone, blood drinking, the barest of proofreading and editing, ending might feel super rushed (_ _;)
â· part word count. 25.1k words / 47.4k - read part one here
a/n: hi again đ§đ»ââïž don't try to read this without the part prior. thanks bye!! don't forget to reblog. also big thanks to @justalildumpling for reading all this thru for me :') one of the biggest reasons why this exists finished.
#8âHELL'S FAVORITE ANGEL.
SOMETHING YOU NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT, funnily enough, was what the Hell did Ji Changmin keep in the trunk of his car?
At one point, you'd mused about a body. And then the musing became too real, and you swept it under the proverbial rug. Now, you had to lift the corner of the rug to let the demon crawl back out. You weren't sure if you were going to grimace or scream.
"I fear this won't just be dirty gym socks in the trunk," you muttered while trailing behind the angel and demon with a frown.
Jacob let out a laugh. "Oh, you'll see. It's a lot cooler than dirty gym socks."
That sparked your interest. "Cooler? Can Changmin even be that?"
Changmin whipped an unappreciative scowl over his shoulder at you to the melody of Jacob's second laugh within thirty seconds. "For your information," he drawled with a huff, "Hell is cooler than Heaven."
"Okay, which part of Hell are we talking about?" Jacob snorted. "Do you still have my blade?"
"Oh, yeah. The human has it."
You rolled your eyes. "Oh, so I'm 'the Human' now? And what do you mean I haveâ" You stopped short and unsheathed Clyde from your pocket. "You mean Clyde?" You gawked at the switchblade in your hand, then at the angel who peered curiously between you, the blade, and Changmin. The lines between dots were materializing in your horizon. "Wait, so when Changmin said he won this in a poker game?â"
"Yes, that's Jacob's blade," Changmin finished with a rather smug gleam in his eyes.
Jacob tilted his head. "You named it Clyde?"
You pursed your lips slightly, your fingers curling around the weapon. "Yes."
"That's cute."
You smiled. "I knew I liked you for a reason."
Changmin made a noise of indignation and marched onward across the town square to his car.
You and Jacob fell into step beside one another as you followed after the tempestuous hellspawn.
Clyde, in your hands, seemed to warm at the presence of his original owner. You chewed on the inside of your cheek before extending the switchblade out to him. "I think this belongs to you."
Jacob shook his head. "No, no. He won it fair and square, and I see he's given it to you. It's no longer his to bargain."
"What do you mean by that?" You asked.
He chuckled, "Ah, well you seeâback when he won the poker game, I was salty enough to challenge him to a sparring match to win the angel blade back from him, but we had to put it on hold for reasons."
"So what's gonna be put up for grabs from the sparring match now?"
He pointed to the trunk of Changmin's car. "You're gonna love this."
Practically jogging over to where Changmin was already stationed behind the trunk of his car, Jacob hurried you along. The lid of the trunk rose unceremoniously as you rounded the back end and you found only a long, black case spanning the width of it.
You made a face. "What is it?" You asked, silently thanking whoever was looking after you for not putting a dead body in the back.
Changmin stood between you and Jacob, seemingly reluctant to lean down and unlock the case.
Your breath hitched in your throat at the sight of what laid inside.
There was a long, slim blade made of a metal similar in looks to obsidian, but you highly doubted Changmin would covet a mortal mineral like this. It seemed to hum, in fact, something you knew no human material could do on its own. There was something about its surface that made it wink in purples and blues.
Changmin gently pried the sword out from its molding and held it by the handle. When it was brought to the light, shadows seemed to swirl and curl around the length like creeping vines up a trellis. "The Bonnie to your Clyde," he said lowly, fondly, even as he brushed the pads of his fingers over the flat side over the foreign characters carved into the material.
"You know what an angel blade is, Yn. Now you've seen a demon blade," Jacob said with a wide grin splitting his face in awe.
You couldn't help but share that sentiment. Thus was cool as fuck. "You're telling me you had a demon blade back here this whole time?" Where was this when you'd almost gotten murdered on a motel bedroom floor?
Changmin was just as careful returning the blade back to its case as he had been taking it out. "Yes, and it's gonna stay back here."
Jacob gave a sprite-like giggle. "Wah, your audacity is appalling. It's just gonna make kicking your butt even more fun."
Well, this should be interesting.
The rules of the match were simple.
"No claws or teeth," said Jacob.
"No wings," Changmin shot back.
It looked like Jacob was about to stick his tongue out at his opponent just then. "No tail!"
From your perch at a safe distance away from the two of them on the inn porch, you called out, "You have a tail?"
Maybe it was a trick of the light, but Changmin almost seemed bashful. "In my demon form," he stammered. "Okay, so no supernatural appendages."
"And no out of realm abilities," Jacob added. "Just plain and simple fisticuffs."
With a large majority of the pack members having cleared out go down to Moonstone Creak, it left the entirety of town center for a showdown between an angel and a demon. The atmosphere reminded you of an old Midwest duel with a pistol per man, and ten-paces-fire mentality. Part of you was sorry you weren't going to see their non-mortal forms, but the more you thought about it, the more you realized that was probably a good thing to keep your dreams clear at night.
You weren't sure what to expect from this.
"Best out of three?" Changmin drawled, shaking the hair out of his eyes.
Jacob brushed his own mane back. "Sure. It won't make much of a difference anyways. Count us off, would you please, Yn-ah?"
You straightened at the sound of your name. "Uhmâyeah, okay. How will each round end?"
"With Jacob's back on the ground."
Jacob's eyebrows flew up, and his smile grew teeth. "Oh, hoo! I see we like talking smack with an audience around. Okay, fine." To you, he said while pushing up the sleeves of his shirt, "Each round ends when the other yields."
You nodded warily. "Okay⊠ready then?"
The hairs on your arms and the back of your neck stood erect as both of them sunk into position, their facial expressions morphing into twin slates of stone. While they were different creatures, they seemed to share the same predatorial sharpness in their eyes.
You swallowed. "Setâbegin."
You were certain that they both agreed to prohibit the use of "out of realm abilities," but the ground rumbled when they pounced at each other. It was fascinating, really, how well they both performed hand to hand combat. Each hit seemed to be just as calculated as the nextâone predicting the other's moves.
A complicated dance played out before your eyes and you sat on the porch steps too enrapturedâor too nervousâto move. Changmin twisted Jacob's arm behind his back, but the angel was swift to counter and slip out.
You had never seen so much power behind an uppercut; never seen any human force their opponent back so hard that dust kicked up when his heels dug into the ground.
You weren't sure how or when it would endâ
Changmin swore as Jacob grappled onto his forearm from behind and swung the demon over his shoulder.
You thought it was over.
Changmin's feet hit the ground though, and on they went.
It was during this drawn-out match that you realized there was probably only one way to really beat an equally matched opponent. They were trying to tire the other one out.
Lost in thought, you all but missed itâthe maneuver that Changmin used to suddenly have Jacob pinned to the ground, knees digging into the latter's neck.
"Yield," the demon grunted.
There was a flash of movement, and Changmin swiftly released Jacob from his hold.
He locked eyes with you. "He yielded."
"I didn't think you would let him go if he hadn't," you replied, your thumb running over the butt of the angel blade.
Jacob laid on his back with his face to the sky. "Dude, I think we're finally getting the hang of these mortal bodies."
Changmin smiled, shaking his head, "Yeah, and after how long?" He offered his friend a hand and hauled him to his feet. "I remember when you almost jumped out of a tree and forgot you couldn't just sprout wings."
"Listen," Jacob lamented with a wince, "that was one time. And you said we were racing, and my instinct was to fly."
"Born cheater."
"Born hater."
You raised your hand from the sidelines. "So, one to nil. Shall we continue, boys?"
It seemed once you'd reminded them of their purpose for roughing it in the town square, they were back to focus. This time, both were a little out of breath. You guessed that they were pretty damn close to evenly matched thenâthere was a balance to the pair with Jacob having grander, stronger movements, and Changmin doling out smaller, agiler maneuvers. They were two sides of the same coin, angel and demon.
The second round always generated a heightened bout of tension compared to the first. For the winner of the prior round, this could be his game point of the match; to the loser, it was his opportunity to get even.
You watched their stances steel over, the backs of their heels firmly on the earth. "Readyâbegin."
It started off similar to the first time, Intl a little more calculated. With the stakes rising, it was crucial to make the right hits.
Changmin struck firstâhe had less to lose. An attempted double kick to the stomach ended with his foot caught in Jacob's grasp. The angel twisted; the demon tumbled, taking his foe to the dirt with him.
On they went, and at times, you couldn't even decide who had the upper hand.
From somewhere to your left, you heard the wood on the porch creak. You turned to find Kevin hopping over the railing and making his way over to you, a blue-colored bandana hanging from his fingers. He offered you a smile. "Hey."
"Hey," you said, scooting over to make room for him on the step. "I thought you were heading the search party?"
"Yeah, I still am," he replied. He wasn't even paying much attention to the duo brawling out in the square, just you. "We were about to leave when I realized that my entire party doesn't know what the pendant smelled like, so I was wondering if I could just clean your pendant off with this to carry the scent?" He gestured with the piece of fabric in his hand. "That way, you won't have to be uncomfortable with a bunch of people coming to smell your necklace," he reasoned while cupping the back of his neck.
"Oh, that's a novel idea."
From out in the dirt and sun, Changmin's eyes caught the two of you on the steps of the inn and got half his face rightly smashed into the ground. It was only a split second, but even a split second was mistake enough.
Jacob pressed him down with his entire body weight, and leaned in close with a grin, "Yield, little Hellspawn."
Changmin groaned, but yielded.
As he had done for Jacob, the angel yanked him up off the ground, spitting dirt out from his mouth and wiping it from his eyes.
"Sorry," Jacob said, not very apologetically.
Changmin grimaced as he stumbled over to the fountain at town center and dunked his face in. He furiously scrubbed the dirt off his face and rinsed his mouth. Yuck.
He pulled himself out of the water, refreshed. Brushing his dampened hair back, he blinked the water out of his eyes to see if Kevin had left yet. He hadn't, actually, and still sat next to you. Something he said made you laugh, but then he was leaving, your gaze followingâChangmin noticed the slowness in Kevin's gait, how reluctant he was to leave.
"Hmm, didn't think you'd ever eat dirt again after all these years, but I guess there will always be exceptions," Jacob mused. He stretched out his calves and arms, keeping his muscles alive and perked up for the final round. It was one to one after all.
"I was distracted," Changmin said simply. "He wasn't supposed to be here."
Jacob hadn't been blind to Kevin's presence at the inn steps either. His smile turned sly. "Now why would Kevin being here distract you? Curious, curious."
Changmin raised the collar of his shirt up to dry his face as the two of them strolled back to their sparring ground.
You were currently sending him a look with your head tilted to the side in question. Did he dump you in the fountain? You seemed to ask.
He shook his head, making a motion with his hands about how Jacob won the match. To his opponent, he murmured, "She's getting attached."
"And that's a bad thing?"
His automatic thought was no, you getting attached to these people, this place, was not a bad thing. He remembered your state of being back at the college town and how alone you'd been there. Here, it seemed you had people who would care about you, at least. With so much time spent in the mortal realm, he'd learned just how much humans needed each other.
But then again, you and he had a job to finish. "We have to leave soon."
Jacob adjusted the sleeves of his shirt once again since they fell at some point during the match. "Doesn't mean you can't come back."
He wasn't wrong. You seemed, upon reflection, content here. He passed you a glance, but you took that as a signal to start the match.
Changmin and Jacob dropped into their respective stances and charged when given the word.
As soon as Jacob's back hit the ground, you knew it was over. The last round drew out much longer than the preceding ones, and though they both fought fiercely, it was done with exhaustion sewn between each huffing breath, each reeled punch. A fight like this wasn't worth wasting all that energy on, anyway.
"Bonnie stays with you for now, I suppose," Jacob chuckled as the two of them clasped each other's hands in a show of good sportsmanship. Sweat dripped from their bangs and down the slopes of their noses and sculpted jawlines.
Changmin shook his head, "The sword is permanently going to be called Bonnie, isn't it?"
"You did this to yourself, you know." You walked over to them, hands propped on either side of your hips.
"I did," he agreed with his lips pressed together. The dimple in his cheek still threw you off your rocker. "Well, since I have so much dirt in my hair nowâ"
"Hey! I have to go switch shirts because of you!" Jacob chortled, motioning to his own white T-shirt stained a dusty brown on his back and front, and more on his pants.
"Ah, you need to shower anyways," Changmin quipped back.
Jacob made a waving gesture over his shoulder as he headed back toward the pack house to take that shower. "Yeah, yeah. I can say the same thing about you, Ji."
While Jacob went in his own direction, you and Changmin trudged back over to the inn so he could clean himself up. You wondered how much he really did need to get cleaned up, since you noted no blood or bruises, but the latter wouldn't show up for another couple hours if there were any.
Wait, was that how demon bruising workedâ?
"I can hear your mind racing, Yn," Changmin drawled as he hiked up the stairs next to you.
"Not literally, right? I just have to make sure," you added on at the end when he looked over at you.
He absentmindedly scratched his jaw. "No, not literally. You're just easy to read."
Your expression flattened. "Oh."
"Hm."
"Okay, well you owe me some answers." You amended, folding your arms over your chest, "A lot of them, actually."
The sigh that fell from his lips was a familiar one, and he turned his head over his shoulder to check that there wasn't anyone else around. There wouldn't have been since it was only the two of you staying here, and the auntie who ran the inn was somewhere downstairs. "Let's talk in my room."
"Your room?" You squabbled incredulously. To you, Changmin seemed like the type to like his privacy, especially when he got a room to himself. But you questioned no further and he made no additional comments as the two of you entered the space that was his bedroom.
The room itself was similar to yours, but flipped. The wall on the far left was his room shared with yours, his bed pressed up against the far right. The shutters in here remained closed and angled upward so the sunlight outside could peer through, but only at a faint glow. It was enough to get around, at least. The space was spotless, bed unslept in. The sheets were still tucked tightly into place and his backpack sat in the armchair in the corner.
"You didn't sleep?" You voiced aloud, shutting the door behind you while he made a beeline for his backpack. You knew sleep wasn't a demonic necessity, but even so, sleeping for leisure was still something he indulged in, right?
He dug through its contents for a spare shirt and pants to change into after his shower. "No, I went out last night."
Your head perked up from where you'd settled on the very foot of the bed. "Where?"
"The woodsâwhere else?" As if that were obvious. "The circles of Hell are pretty much dark all the time anyway," he said while passing by you to get to the bathroom door. He dumped his clothing items onto the counter and you heard him rip the shower curtain open. "It wasâit was just, you know, like exercise and shit. Nothing important."
You opened your mouth to say something, then closed it, losing your train of thought.
The bathroom door shut, but you could still hear the stream of water running behind it.
Did living like this make him uncomfortable? Was he used to moving from place to place, never making a permanent home?
"Changmin." You raised your voice so he could hear you from through the door and over the water.
A faint, "Yeah?"
"What you said, back there during the advising board meeting, when they asked if there was more of this pendantâ" You fingered the stone again. There was no one here to gawk at it. "âyou said that this wasn't the only one."
For a moment, he didn't answer, and you thought that perhaps he didn't hear you.
Then, "Your sister, sheâshe had the other half."
You peered down at the stone in your hand and watched its blood ruby surface pulse. If you were careful, you could just barely make out the duller edge versus the sharper one, no doubt where Sena's half would have been. It hadn't even occurred to you that this was only half the necklace, like a locket.
You asked him the next reasonable question. "Where is it?" It hadn't been in the lockbox, nor had it been on her person when she died or at the funeral. Did he have it?
"I'm not sure actually."
Those four words settled heavily over your shoulders. He didn't know. There had to be some connection with how she died then. Someone took it off her bodyâ
"Is thatâ" The bathroom door opened. You hadn't even realized he finished and was dressed, "âwhat we're looking for then? You said we have to go to one of her safe houses to find the thing she messaged you about. Is that the thing? Is whoever was following us earlierâwere they after my half?"
Changmin leaned against the bathroom door's frame, freshly rinsed off of dirt and grime and sweat, a new set of clothes on his body. He crossed his arms over his chest with a pensive gaze. "They probably were after your half, yes. I didn't really know what she wanted me to find, to be honest. I thought you would have her half, too, but when you only said you found one pendant in the lockbox, my mind shifted into believing she stashed hers in a safehouse somewhere."
That must have been why he reacted like he did that day⊠how he wanted you to be sure there wasn't anything else in the box.
He continued, "Sena was the one who poured over ancient texts and researched about this. I gave her context about supernatural things and was the muscle where need arose. She knew everything, and now I'm kind of kicking myself in the head for that." He massaged his jaw. "She mentioned something about an activator of sorts. I can't remember all the details, but it would be in one of her notebooks."
"We just have to find them," you murmured.
You and he locked eyes, and he nodded, a muscle feathering in his jaw. "Yeah."
You fiddled with a spare thread from the duvet cover by your hand. "And about the demonsâyou know, the lower level ones who have been popping up everywhere?"
"Those are easier beings to summon," he breathed out. "Anyone can summon them through a ritual and they'll do your bidding for the price of a sacrifice. Those are usually the ones people are calling upon with their⊠Ouija boards and pentagrams and shit." They seemed a lot more vicious than the ones that came with pentagrams, but you couldn't speak from experience.
You shuddered at the memory of those teeth engraved into your mind. If anyone could summon those kinds of demons, then it wouldn't necessarily be a demonic entity after your pendant. More details to consider, you supposed.
A thought occurred to him and you saw it come to the forefront of his mind like a lightbulb turning on. He disappeared back into the bathroom and returned with a little paper cup in his hand. He stirred something inside it with a wooden popsicle stick used for coffee and crafts.
"I, uhmâŠ" He stepped toward you, apprehensively, with the paper cup. "I consulted the resident medic for some of that salve the wolves use for bruising. She didn't have anything on hand for humans, but she told me what herbs I could grab from the woods."
When he was close enough, you could see the greenish paste at the bottom of the cup. Your eyes widened in surprise, uncertain of what to do with all this information.
He stood in front of you, teeth biting down on his lip. "Can I see your neck?" His voice quieted at the end, and he cleared his throat.
You could feel your heart stutter in your chest. "Uhm, yeah. Sure." You carefully swept any stray pieces of hair from your neck and to the other side of your shoulder, tilting your head slightly to give him access to it. You didn't know exactly what this was going to do, but for some reason you trusted that it would help.
He took some of the paste onto the end of the popsicle stick and carefully dabbed it over the places where the demon teeth marks vandalized your skin. It was still purplish in some areas, darkened where the teeth had sunken in the deepest to pierce your esophagus. Shallower places had already begun to sallow, but clearly, it wasn't at a supernatural creature's pace by any means.
When he was finished he stepped back to inspect his handiwork. Neither of you had yet to say anything.
You let your hair fall back into place. "Thanks."
You couldn't read him again; you wish you could. "Yeah," he said.
#9âOUT OF REALM.
THE NIGHTS WERE WARM here in the little town of Moonstone Creak. The air was comfortable and settled so comfortably on your skin. No gooseflesh or raised hair or anything.
You sat on the front steps of the pack house to the sound of music being played in the square before you, and wondered if Sena had ever come across something like this in her travels. If she and Changmin had been business partners, so to speak, she must have come across a myriad of supernatural and divine beings.
A couple days had passed since you and Changmin first got here, and the wolves unfortunately were unable to find the source of your pursuers in the white car, who bore the same scent as the pendant around your neck. You almost forgot that was why you both were here in the first place.
A blur of fur flew past you as two wolf pups scrambled down the steps, one chasing the other's tail, in a game of tag. Seeing mothers hold their infant children between jaws of teeth was becoming less and less of a shock, and you found yourself smiling at the kids playing around in the square, beneath the hanging lanterns.
"This seat taken?" You glanced up to meet Kevin's boyish smile, a white dress shirt and board shorts hanging from his frame.
You welcomed him next to you with a smile. "Busy day?" You asked after having not seen him since he left breakfast this morning.
He gave a sigh, leaning back onto his palms. "A little, but it's always nice to take some of the younger ones out into the woods. It's how they build community and stamina."
The two of you peered out at the town center as those dancing around Lily and Sangyeon with their guitar and keyboard cheered to the end of the song. It was merry and vibrant and full of life; no wonder they lived in this pocket of the worldâit was to preserve their serenity, and perhaps even their ways of life.
Kevin turned his head toward you. "What about you? How have you filled your day today?"
"Well," you started with a chuckle, "Haknyeon and Eric and I went down to the creak and they taught me how to snatch a fish out of the water with my bare hands."
His grin widened. "Oh, I see. So dinner tonight was on you?"
You snorted, shaking your head. "I would like to take credit for that massive hunk of salmon, but I could barely get my fish out of the water."
"It comes with practice," he assured you, eyes turned up in amusement. "Plus, Haknyeon and Eric have a bit of an advantage over you."
Ah, that was right. Wolf shifters were, for lack of better phrasing, âbuilt different,â as you liked to say. They were stronger, faster, and more alert, with their five senses heightened to a scale you couldnât put into words. You imagined that shifting between human and wolf forms took a lot of strength and energy, so it made sense in a way. There were also a few humans living among the wolves here besides yourself who either married into the community or simply moved in after visiting or doing business with the townâs inhabitants. You couldnât blame them for that either. (A part of you, stewing in the back of your mind, humored the possibility of moving here yourself. It seemed almost too good to be true.)
You and Kevin watched as Jacob joined the fray with Eric in tow, the two of them starting a game of âSimon Says.â A thought occurred to you while you observed the angel; there was something distinctly absent from his silhouette. âKevin?â
âHm?â
âWhy doesnât Jacob have wings if heâs an angel?â For the entirety of your stay since you met him, he lacked the white-feathered wings characteristic of an angel. Of course, there was also a lack of halo, too, but you thought Jacobâs radiating warm personality was enough to make up for that loss.
Kevin straightened. âOh, thatâs an easy oneâheâs in an energy-conserving form. Thatâs why you donât see Changmin with the demon horns or tail and stuff. This human form is the base level of this realm, so itâs the most energy-conserving for them while theyâre away from their native realms.â
You didnât expect that your question would lead to a conversation about the mechanisms of the universe. You blinked, then shot him a look you expected told him exactly how you were feeling. âWhat?â
âRealms,â he repeated with a chuckle. âWe have the mortal plane, which is where we are now; the Heavenly sphere, which is where the hierarchy of angels are; and then the circles of Hell.â He nudged your knee with the back of his hand and gestured for you both to move to the bottom step of the porch so he could draw you a diagram in the dirt. Kevin found a small rock lying by his feet and diagrammed the three realms.
âIt looks like that,â he said once he was done. âThink of each as not levels, but more like separate rooms.â
You tilted your head at the drawing. âSo Heaven and Hell really are just above and below us?â
âNot⊠exactly?â He winced. âMore like pocket dimensions. Thatâs why energy conservation works how it does when it comes to bodily forms, rather than how humans usually explain it in physics.â
âDonât expect me to know anything about that.â
He grinned. âOh, donât worry. Iâm sure thisâll make a lot more senseâthereâs a whole lot less math involved. But then again, maybe human physics and this concept is more similar than Iâm making it out to be.â
You lifted your shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. âIâd confirm or deny, but science was never really my area of expertise.â
âAnd whatâs that? Your area of expertise,â he asked, dropping the rock back onto the ground and resting his cheek against his fist to turn his attention to you.
âMe? Well, Iâm in finance and accounting.â You made a face at how human that sounded compared to the subject of your current conversation. Accounting did not measure up to talks of energy conservation and supernatural pocket dimensions. âIt was just⊠kind of the practical route that I had in mind when going into college.â Practicality had driven so many of your decisions throughout your life. It was for the sake of keeping yours and your sisterâs heads above water. Sena had never been afraid of chasing her dreams though, so you figured that you would support her and let her go out to do what she wished. But by the looks of where that got her, should you have done that? You didnât really know.
Kevin bobbed his head. âPracticality is good,â he said softly. âYou know, we just lost one of our bookkeepers in town. We could always use another.â
Warmth bloomed in your chest at the sentiment and you couldnât ignore the tenderness of his gaze, but maybe you were making things up. Your heart pitter-pattered and the pendant at your collar echoed it. âGood to know.â
His lips curled into that pretty smile of his, and he sat up and waved his hand around. âBut, uhm, going back to what we were talking about earlier⊠because Jacob and Changmin are both far away from their home realm, they need to exert a lot more energy to sustain a form that is less supported in this realm.â
You squinted, pursing your lips. âSo like⊠a supernatural version of home court advantage?â
Now it was Kevinâs turn to pause. âHome court adâIâm guessing thatâs a human thing.â
âYeah, you donât have to worry about it,â you dismissed. To be fair, your high school had drilled the concept of home court advantage into your head in order to encourage more people to come to sports outings when your school was hosting. The phrase lived in your head because it was etched there. âAh, so waitâif, letâs say, Changmin went to the Heavenly sphereâŠâ
âIf he had any reason to go there,â Kevin said with an ill-concealed grimace, âpray for him.â
That reply did nothing to reassure you. You swallowed, trying to imagine what would happen should Changmin find himself in Heaven, and if Jacob went to Hell. If this was their supported form one realm away⊠then what would it be two realms away?
âBut donât worry too much about it,â he added swiftly, âdemons donât usually find a reason to go to the sphere. And if there is a reason, they usually donât stay long enough to find out how much energy it takes to maintain out of realm bodies.â
âOut of realmâIâve heard that saying before when Changmin and Jacob were sparring a couple days ago. They both agreed not to use any out of realm abilities.â
He hummed cheerily, nodding. âMmh, yeah. Out of realm usually just refers to the mortal plane here, and any form or abilities that arenât âsupportedâ like flight or magicââ
âMagic?â
âThatâs just what Iâve heard,â Kevin huffed a laugh. âI hope you never find yourself in any of the circles of Hell, Yn, but if youâre ever down there with Changmin, then ask him to turn a rock into a diamond necklace.â
Your eyebrows flew up to your hairline. âSo youâre telling me heâs an alchemist?â You hadnât even thought about what other things your demon counterpart was capable of besides attacking people and brooding.
âNot quiteââ
âAlchemy isnât really the word I would use to describe it,â came Changminâs drawl from behind you.
You nearly fell backwards off the stairs if it hadnât been for Kevinâs arm shooting out to grab your wrist. Your heart hammered against your ribcage as you shot Changmin a dirty look. âYouââ you sputtered, trying to get your bearings, ââneed to stop doing that!â
He quirked a single brow upward, quietly shoving another forkful of blueberry pancake into his mouth. âNot my fault you didnât hear me coming.â
âI smelled you coming,â Kevin laughed, the sound brightening at the sound of your snort.
Changminâs expression flattened. He swallowed his bite and impaled another. âCan I talk to you?â He directed the question to you, nudging you with the toe of his boot.
You and Kevin exchanged glances, but you hoisted yourself up from the porch steps, dusting any dirt from your pants. âUh, sure. What about? Also, where did you get pancakes from at nine oâclock at night?â
The demon motioned with his chin to start walking in the direction of the inn across the square. âLily had leftovers,â he said simply.
You hmphed and let it slide.
Since Changmin revealed to you that there was a second half to your pendant, you hadn't shared another long discussion pertaining to the real reason you were on this quest. He would often linger at the edges of crowds here, keeping to himself and the limited number of people he knew. He seemed to avoid interacting with most, and you wondered why that was. He wasn't⊠that scared of social interaction, was he?
Changmin leaned up against the wall of the inn and you perched across from him with your back to the porch railing. "I've been thinking."
"Is this a good thing?"
You raised your hands in innocence as he scowled at you. He sawed a chunk of pancake in half with the side of his fork before impaling it with the tines. "Sometimes you sound exactly like your sister."
"Sarcasm runs in Ln family blood, what can I say?" You mused. "So you were thinking."
He hummed. "Mmh. Well, I was thinking thatâ" he cleared his throat, his fingers brushing over his throat. "We've been here for a couple of days and nothing has seemed to crop up. There hasn't really been any immediate dangers andâ" He wrinkled his nose, apparently annoyed at something.
You sobered a little. "What is it?"
He knocked the back of his fork against his skull. "You lookâhappy here. And safe, of course. You're safe here," he finally pushed out. His jaw worked as he speared his last piece of pancake and shoved it into his mouth.
Your eyes widened slightly. You didn't realize he was monitoring your mood like that, but you could agree that you definitely felt safer here than out there. "I⊠agree?" However, you still didn't know what direction this conversation was heading.
Changmin sighed, his brows creasing in frustration. "Yes, you agree. So, I think the best decision is that I leave you here and I go out and find the second half of the necklace."
What.
"Changmin, youâ"
"Just hear me out," he said. "We've already been attacked twice because of that thing, and if we step foot out of these bounds, it's liable to happen again." He wrestled down a swallow. "You're justâbetter off here."
You idly rubbed the pendant over the fabric of your shirt. "You're serious."
"When am I not serious?"
Did he not trust his ability to keep an eye on you? Or no, it had to be you that was the problem. If you could fend for yourself, he wouldn't have to worry about being attacked all the damn time. His logic had grounds, and though you could breathe easy here, for some reason, letting him go after the second half didn't sit right with you.
You chewed on your bottom lip. "I think we shouldâ"
The world stilled, the music screeched to a halt. The night air filled with the chilling sound of a howl.
You instinctively leaned away from the railing and came to stand beside Changmin, scanning the immediate premises for danger. The hair on your skin stood on its end, heartbeat quickeningâ
From the far end of town by the conventional entrance, a dark-furred wolf, followed by two others, charged in. You recognized the one at the front as Juyeon from the advising board.
The town center cleared; Lily was already corralling little ones into the pack house, her head on a swivel between Sangyeon and the wolves barreling back into town from the night watch. Kevin and Jacob were swift to join them.
Changmin's expression turned troubled. "Stay here."
"I'll hold your plate," you murmured, taking the plate and fork from him and backing up toward the entrance to the inn. The auntie who owned the establishment appeared at your side, ushering you in so she could lock the doors. This had to be some kind of protocol.
You set the plate and fork on the table in the parlor and pressed your face up against the window to watch the congregation at the town's entrance. From this distance, your sight wasn't nearly good enough to make out their individual expressions, but it didn't look good.
"Auntie?" You asked, fumbling for Clyde in your pocket. "What's going on?"
She peered over from where she was twisting lanterns to the off position. "Intruders," she answered.
You leapt out of your skin when the inn's front door handle was forced open.
Changmin and Kevin's heads whirled about the room until they found you. "We're leaving," Changmin said, already charging toward the stairs. "Pack your things; Kevin's leading us out."
You scrambled after him in the dark. "Changmin. Changmin what the fuck is happeningâ"
He threw a stern look over his shoulder. "I'll explain in the car," he said before disappearing into his room.
You tossed your hands up into the air and did as you were told. There wasn't much to pack for yourself. You tossed your clothes haphazardly into your backpack, located any other spare items you left in the room, checked the bathroom for anything else. By the time you were done, Changmin was slapping his palm against the door jamb and hustling you out.
Kevin waited for you both in the lobby, his wolf form anxiously pacing the area like he was itching to get out of here. You could hear snarling and hissing and crashes and crackling from outside the door. What were you going to see when you stepped foot out of the inn?
"Let's go," Changmin said, nodding to Kevin, and shoving out into the night.
You lost your breath.
The pack house was on fire.
Wolves brawled against demonic forms, teeth gnashing around necks and snapping them. Black and red blood stained the dirtâthey had come for the pendent. And they would take the pack down with them if they had to.
"Yn." A hand hauled you down the porch steps to round the building to Changmin's car.
Horror and panic and everything in between poured into you as you threw yourself into the front seat of Changmin's car. Your eyes, wide as saucers, could not leave the sight of violence happening before you.
You blinkedâdark, whirling masses in the sky appeared out of thin air, and out of them spilled more and more creatures of Hell. Their jaws of daggers made you sick to your stomach; what was this? A small army?
Changmin swerved the car after Kevin, who was leading you not through the fray, but behind the inn house and straight into the woods.
You twisted in your seat. "Are they going to be okay?" You whispered, hands shaking as they dropped onto the headrest.
He was quiet for a beat. "They have Jacob."
But was one divine being enough? There were so many of them, oh fuck. And Jacob wasn't at full power, was he?
"They'llâthey'll leave when they sense we're no longer there," he added quietly. "I hope."
You hugged the back of your seat, murmuring prayer after prayer. Please be safe. Please be okay.
The road Kevin led you both down was twisted and hazardous with winding paths that sent your shoulder careening into the side of the car and bumps that jostled your organs. Changmin somehow was able to keep up with Kevin without the headlights on and you didn't have the mind to question it.
You sunk into your seat to face forward, eyes glued to the side view mirror. You could see the glow of flames from here, could see how far up into the sky the fire went.
Oh god, this is all your fault. You brought trouble right to their doorstep. It's all your fault. All yourâ
The car broke out of the woods and into a small clearing with a worn path that led up to another road that hugged the side of a small mountain. This was where Kevin stopped.
Changmin nodded to Kevin in the front windshield.
You jammed your finger against the button in your door to roll your window down. "Kevin," you said.
The wolf trotted over to your door, and you stuck your hand out to meet his head. Your chest ached. "I'm sorry."
He couldn't communicate with you in a way you understood, but you liked to think you got good at reading his eyes. They seemed conflictedâthe way they glistened like moonlight with the silver lining the edges, but burned like molten gold when he turned to motion toward the smoke in the distance.
"I'm sorry," you repeated. "Stay safe."
With one last look, he took off back toward his home.
Changmin passed you a glance, eyes softening at the corners, then turned the car up onto the road.
You pulled yourself back into the car and rolled the window up once you couldn't see Kevin's form anymore. Your eyes stared at the front console, brain muddledâyou focused on taking deep breaths.
"Are they going to be okay?" You asked again. He had given you an answer before, butâfucking Hell, you were going to be sickâ
"They'll be okay," he assured you. One of his hands lifted from the steering wheel and rested on your shoulder.
You broke down, face burying itself into your palms. Sobbing filled the silence of the car with the weight of lead. First, there was Sena. Then, it was whatever the fuck you were doing on this ridiculous task. Now⊠now, you'd gotten bystanders involved. Good people. They were good people.
You couldn't lose anyone else.
One person was more than you could takeâmore than you thought you could take.
You lifted your head, dragging the back of your hand across your eyes, your palm over your cheeks. "I want to go home," you whimpered as the back of your head hit the headrest. He had spoken too soonâyou werenât safe anywhere.
His hand was still on your shoulder and it slid down to your forearm, his fingers curling around you in a tentative form of comfort. "I know, sweetheart," he murmured. "I know."
#10âHOLD YOUR BREATH.
"PULL OVER, CHANGMIN."
The demon's head whipped over to you for a second, taking his eyes off the barren highway. There wasn't anyone else around this early in the morning, especially on this road that hugged the coast rather than a more straightforward freeway like the main interstate. "What?"
"Pull over," you repeated.
"We're almost there."
"Please."
He stopped the car.
He just barely put the vehicle in park before you were clambering out and headed in who-knew-what direction.
You heard the driver's side door slam shut as he followed after you. "Yn. Yn, where the Hell do you think you're going?"
"I don't know," you said, wrapping your arms around you. The salty sea air brushed past your clothes and your skin, and it felt nothing like the warmth from Moonstone Creak. The sky before dawn was a white-ish purple with clouds blanketing out where one might see the sun creeping up to its perch. The two of you were on the road for nearly five hours, and you didn't sleep a wink of it.
He caught up with you and grabbed your shoulders to face him. "I know that was a lot of shit to take, but we can't be out here."
"I can't do this anymore," you told him. "I can't risk any more lives, I can't risk mine or yoursâI don't want to end up dead in a ditch. Iâ" You yanked the necklace around your collar and unclasped the chain, the weight falling from your sternum feeling more akin to an empty cage than a freed one.
You ripped out of his hold and stormed across the highway.
"No, no, noâYN. Yn, let's talk about thisâ"
You were getting rid of all your problems. If they wanted the pendant, then they could fucking have itâ
Changmin appeared in front of you, expression stormy. "Don't do it."
"Get out of my way."
"If you lose that necklace, Ynâ"
"THEN WHAT?" You practically growled in his face. Your hand fisted around the stone in your palm, and you waved it around wildly. "If I lose it, then what? Changmin, I don't even know what the fuck it does. You haven't told me why it's important. My sister sure as Hell didn't tell me jackshit. What, in the name of all things fucking holy, is so important about this red rock! Why am I risking my life for it?"
Changmin balked and his lips pressed firmly against each other.
Disappointment churned in your stomach. "Why won't you tell me?" You asked him, dropping the stone to hold it by the chain.
His eyes flickered to your movements. "I'll tell you, but justâwe can't talk about it out here." He turned slightly and pointed out a building in the distance. It was a lighthouse, and it was erected on the edge of a rocky outcropping that jutted out from the coastline. White-foamed waves crashed against its shore like drums. "You see that? That's the safehouse."
That was the safehouse? "She bought a lighthouse?" Oh dear god, she had not listened to any of your advice about investing.
"Yes," he said. "Don't ask me why. I don't know the answer to that one, but if we can just get over thereâŠ"
You eyed the building. It was a standard cylindrical-shaped tower painted in white with a large glass cap at the top, housing a spotlight to guide ships home. A second, much smaller building the size of a shed was attached to the base, and you could just make out what looked like a chimney on top. Against your boring financial advice, Sena had been a romantic at heart. You wouldn't be surprised if one of her other safehouses was an idyllic cottage in a meadow.
You swallowed your pride, reaching up to reluctantly clasp the necklace back around your throat. Changmin visibly relaxed. "Fine."
The two of you made to turn around and head back to the car, but something in the water below caught your eye. It was a long way down from where you stood, and the jagged, dark cliff face didn't make the drop any more appetizing. The water was a deep, murky shade of gray-blue that screamed a cold, watery grave. You squinted down at the water in search of the glint of something you thought you saw.
Changmin glanced back at you. "What is it?"
When you came up empty-handed, you followed him to the car. "Nothing. I think I'm just tired."
The car was still quiet when Changmin pulled up outside the lighthouse. The building sat on the lower end of the outcropping, surrounded by a field of overgrown grass watered by sea spray and rain. The thrashing of waves was much louder here, like rolling thunder, and they threw themselves up against the shore bedecked in dark rocks, eroded into rough edges to make them appear akin to teeth.
You grabbed your backpack from the backseat as usual, eyes peering up at the lighthouse and trying to drink it in.
So⊠this was where she had been hiding. At least, some of the time she was away.
Your fingers drummed along your bag strap. What were you going to find inside? The last time you opened one of Sena's locked things, you ended up on the run.
Changmin's hair whipped up in the wind. "I think I can pick the lock," he said.
"She didn't give you a key?"
He began making his way to the front door. "I've only been here a couple of times, but only when she was around. Sena only had oneâcopy." When he jiggled the doorknob and it drifted open, he stiffened.
You frowned. "Awful lock."
"It wasn't locked," he said. He put his arm out in front of you. "Stay behind me."
That feeling you knew all-too-wellâlike a spider crawling down your spineâreturned. You shoved your hand into the pocket that held your angel blade, slowly creeping in after Changmin.
The first floor of the lighthouse looked as if a tornado blew right through it. The couch cushions were torn off their perches, the rug was thrown aside, the bookshelf devoid of its occupants who lied scattered about the room. You took it all in with wide eyes, gently trekking through on the balls of your feet like you were going through a minefield. The connecting shed was for the kitchen and dining needs, and that too did not look much better. All of the porcelain plates and cups and silverware were in pieces on the stone floors.
Changmin blew out a breath, hands burying into his hair as his eyes wildly searched the area for any signs of who had been here for you. "Shit."
You made your way over to the couch-side table where a small lamp was undressed of its shade and a picture frame left cracked and picture-less. But you recognized the shoddy paint job on the frame from your childhood when you'd painted it in an arts and crafts class in first grade. You felt the picture's loss like an empty void. Whoever had been here took it with them.
Failure burned through you like hot acid. It made your body scream as it incinerated you from the inside out; you would never figure out what your sister was doing or what was going on. Not at this rate.
You set the empty frame down and brushed past Changmin to the front door.
"Ynâ"
"I need some air." You didn't wait for his response.
The sun was making a gradual ascent now, turning the sky above you a more aggressive shade of lilac and egg yolk. You rounded the circumference of the lighthouse until you were descending the hill at its back down to the dock. It was a short, wooden platform where you could sit down and breathe in ocean air for a moment.
You lowered yourself by the edge with your feet crossed beneath you upon the sun-soaked planks. In the distance, you heard the cry of a seagull as it made landfall.
For all of the noise the waves made, it was awfully quiet. Disturbingly quiet.
It didn't occur to you right away. You were more focused on the hot tears trailing down your cheeks and the pressure building up in your head to start a killer headache. Goddamn, what were you doing? What did you think you were going to accomplish?
You yanked the chain out of your shirt collar with an angry frown marring your face. "Stupid fucking necklace." This was all its faultâand there you were, blaming an inanimate object for all your troubles.
"What if I just tossed you into the ocean?" You gazed out at the infinite horizon. It would be so easy. Would it not solve all of your problems?
You sighed, rubbing the space between your eyes with the pads of your fingers.
For a moment, you soaked in the air around you, the warmth of the boards beneath your thighs, and the sweet song drifting through your ear. What a beautiful sound the ocean made⊠it crooned something melancholy to you, luring you closer toward it in wonder. How sad the ocean was⊠its loneliness resonated with yours⊠it sang it so in the song.
You were enchanted by it, scooting closer to the edge of the pier to see if you could figure out the source of the serenade.
It's the ocean, something told you. It wasn't coming from a person or a thing, but the entire body of water before you. It heard your pain, could feel your suffering⊠it wanted you to come into its arms so it could lovingly embrace you.
"Yn. YN? YN!"
The song coaxed you closer to the edge. Almost there, love.
Your legs dangled over the side, eyes glazed over and glassy. The dark waters beneath you were so lovely and lonely. You could keep it company, couldn't you?
"YN, SNAP OUT OF IT."
Don't listen to him. He doesn't understand your pain. But I do.
You murmured. "Who does?"
Come a little closer, pet. I can make the hurt go away.
Thunderous stomps down the hill became muffled in the background. "YN. LN. WAKE. UP."
For a moment, your eyes shuddered. His voice was familiar. You turned your head back to look, and saw Changmin charging toward you with his eyes wide andâ
Look at me, the voice demanded.
Something wrapped around your ankle, and you had little time to understand what was happening before you were dragged straight under.
As soon as the water swallowed you, the cold seeped into your bones and snapped you out of whatever trance you had been put under. Panic seized your chest, and you thrashed around, holding your breath, in a desperate attempt to free whatever had your leg trapped in a death grip.
You screamed silently, the surface getting farther and farther away.
You desperately kicked out with your other leg, the sole of your shoes scratching and scraping and chipping away at the hand holding you. You fumbled in your pants pocket, then brandished Clyde. With as much might as you could muster, you stabbed at the appendage wrapped around your ankle.
When you made contact, it retreated instantly. There was a trail of something dark down below, but you couldn't quite tell between it and the bottom of the water.
Running out of air fast, you desperately pumped your legs and clawed your way up towards Changmin swimming toward you. He extended his hand to you, his eyes flickering between you and something behind youâyou didn't have time to think about what it was.
Your fingers made purchase with his, and you grabbed onto each other with a mutual vice. He hauled you up to the surface before him, and you gasped for breath, arms bracing onto the wooden deck.
You hacked out sea water and your throat felt like it was closing in on itself. It burned like Hell.
Heart pounding, you lifted your head to find Changmin andâwait. Where was Changmin?
"Changmin?" You whipped your head around, eyes going down into the water. "Fuck."
You gagged from sea water again. Could you stomach going back down? You had to, for fuck's sake. Your demon was down there.
You wielded Clyde tightly in your other hand, took a deep breath, then went back under.
You could now make out the figure who you assumed held you captive earlier. He had Changmin wrapped tightly in his grasp, the demon thrashing in the half-man half-fish's arms. You knew you were probably staring death in the eye, but you continued swimming straight for them.
You and the fish man made eye contact, and he grinned menacingly, the smile tinged with a set of sharp canines. In any other circumstance, you would have thought him beautiful.
Changmin saw you coming and his eyes widened. I just saved you. What are you doing back here?
But he realized something key with your presence reappearing. Changmin's jaw clenchedâyou didn't realize what was happening until he threw his arms back behind him to grab ahold of his captor's head. His fingers had grown darkened claws, razor sharp, and he gouged his thumbs into the eyes of the siren.
If you could hear screams underwater, it would have rattled your bones.
You watched, frozen, as the siren attempted to thrash around an escape Changmin, but your demon counterpart had too good of a grip on his skull.
You knew what the dark trail was now, and there was so much of it pooling in the water.
When Changmin was satisfied with the limpness of his captor's body, he shook his hands out and the claws disappeared. You didn't know where they wentâdidn't care, only that they existed in the first place.
He urgently swam up toward you as both of your supply of oxygen dwindled with each passing second.
When you broke the surface a second time, you clung to one of the posts of the dock, body shaking from the icy cold and the chill of witnessing a piece of Changmin's violence first-hand.
Changmin gasped for air and threw his upper body onto the face of the dock, his muscles trembling as he struggled to pull himself out of the water. Both of you were soaked to the bone, clothing and shoes heavy with seawater.
You stuck Clyde into the wood of the pier above you to anchor yourself onto the boards.
The two of you laid there on the dock to regain your breath and strength. Despite Changmin's demon-ness, he was still a creature of land, not water.
The sun had managed to climb up into the sky now, its hot rays piercing through clouds, and yet, all you could feel was the wind.
"You should have stayedâŠ" he managed to say, "...up here."
You rolled into your stomach and braced your palms onto the wood to push yourself up. "You're stupid if you thought I was gonnaâlet you die." You glanced over at him, eyes finding his fingersâthey looked normal again, save for the dark red rimmed beneath his fingernails.
You shuddered.
Changmin squinted his eyes open at you. "Don't ever⊠do that again."
You could only nod.
For a moment, only the waves and gulls existed between you. You hunched over your legs, dry heaving any more of that stinging salt from your mouth and eyes. Your brain kept rewinding the struggle over and over, repeating the look of pure survival instinct in Changmin's eyes as he mercilessly drove his clawed fingers into the creature's eye sockets.
You heard him stir again, and you asked hoarsely, "How much energy did it take to summon claws?"
After a beat, he replied, "Let's just say, I'm rusty and winded."
You turned your body over so you could face him. His white shirt was drenched all the way through, but you could still see the dark red seeping in places over his ribcage. "Oh my god, you're bleeding."
You reached out to examine him, but he slapped your hand away. "I'm fine," he insisted.
"Let me see," you argued, fixing him with a hard look. When he relented, you gently peeled the fabric away from his skin.
His skin, pale and wet, looked like a watercolor canvas of blues, reds, and purples. Bruises bloomed in splotches and blood made up the rest. You delicately ran your fingers over the bruised areas, hearing him suck in a breath at your touch.
"Does it hurt?"
"I'll survive."
"Don't be an ass. Does it hurt?"
He lifted his arm over his eyes. The scratches there were still an angry red. "...Yes."
"Did he get you anywhere else?"
"No."
Relief soared through youâor, the dispelling of fear from your bodyâand you racked your brain for a solution. There was nothing you could use down here to heal him to get him up to theâŠ
Who were you kidding? There was something.
You wrenched Clyde out from the board you'd impaled him into and held the sharp end against the plush pad of your thumb. How much human blood did he need to get back on his feet? How much would get him up to the lighthouse, and how much could heal him fully like at the motelâ?
He lifted his arm off his eyes. "Don't even think about it."
You met his eyes. "And why not?" Once, a long time ago, you managed to slice your finger open from cutting a lime in your palm rather than against a board like a normal person. If you used just enough force to break the skinâ
"I'm notâdrinking your bloodâ" He grunted while attempting to sit up. The stubborn bastard fell onto his back, face screwed up in pain and frustration.
You leaned over him to block the sun from his eyes. "You were saying?"
He narrowed his eyes up at you. "I'm not drinking your blood."
"You've done it before."
"That's because you were dying. You're not dying now, and neither am I."
"Your ribs are broken, aren't they?"
He huffed air out of his nostrils. "Yeah."
Returning to your original plan, you pressed the blade back against your thumb, wincing slightly as it split your skin. Dark red welled into a little pocket, before breaking form and dribbling down your finger. You moved it in front of his mouth, waiting to feel his tongue against it.
Reluctantly, he stuck his tongue out and licked a neat stripe up the length of your finger, all while giving you a stink eye. This isn't my choice, he seemed to say. It didn't matter though. He knew that he needed this, even just a little bit, to get up to the lighthouse and the car.
There could be more sirens, after all.
You pulled your finger away already feeling your skin cells knit themselves back together from his saliva. "Better?"
He licked his lips. "I'm not going to dignify that with an answer."
"Asshole."
"Human."
You snorted, clambering to your knees, and then your feet. You lifted pressure off of your right leg where your ankle ached from being anchored onto. "You say that like it's an insult."
He raised a brow at you, clasping onto your forearm when you offered it. "Take it as you will," he said with a half grunt as you used gravity and momentum to pull his body up.
You threw his arm over your shoulders to begin the trek up the hill. Trying to avoid putting weight on your right foot was a little difficult, but you were determined. Your joints and chest ached and your socks squelched grossly in your shoes.
"Your ankle," he started.
"I'll survive," you repeated his words from earlier. "It's nothing compared to broken ribs." The thought occurred to you that if the siren could break Changmin's ribs with his arms, then⊠he could have easily shattered the bones in your ankle.
A shiver slithered down your spine. You were thanking every divine being who existed for keeping your ankle intact.
"You know I'm not letting you drive, right?"
He let out a noise of indignation. "I can drive, Yn."
"You're not driving."
You could feel his eyes roll. "Whatever."
#11âTHE DRIVER'S SEAT.
IT WAS A MIRACLE THAT both you and Changmin fit into your sister's clothes. There was a decent stash of clothing left in the second floor wardrobe of the lighthouse, and you both dressed in relaxed pants and t-shirts as you recuperated. Once you were cleaned up, for the most part, it was back to the car.
Changmin watched with a pained look on his face as you settled into the driver's seat and began adjusting everything for your personal preference.
"Are you going to seatbelt or should I do that for you?" You asked as you finished checking the side mirrors.
He slowly buckled himself in. "I hope you know how much I despise this."
"You despise a lot of things."
"I can drive, Yn."
"Okay, yeah. I almost died for the third time five hours ago. I don't want to risk my life a fourth time." You shoved the keys into the ignition and twisted the engine to life. Leaning back in the seat, you put the car into reverse to begin taking the vehicle up the road to the mainland. "You said to get onto the interstate and keep following untilâ"
"Deer Ridgeâcan you be careful," he hissed, eyes slicing toward your movements, before gritting his teeth at his swollen ribs.
You swatted his micromanaging away. "I am so surprised you have never made this much of a fuss about your car before."
He brooded, eyes never leaving your hands on the wheel. "I should've learned stick shift."
You rolled your eyes. "You're such a baby."
Because the lighthouse was of no use and not safe, you were going to drive yourself and Changmin to the next closest safehouse. It was another five hour drive, give or take a needed food stop at some point because you hadn't eaten since dinner at Moonstone Creak. You were afraid Changmin would use that against you at some point so he could be in the driver's seat again. Stubborn brat.
If he wouldn't drink your blood to rejuvenate, if he wouldn't let you drive when you were clearly the most capacitated, then what the Hell did he want from you?
You followed the road signs and his passive-aggressive mutterings about how to get to the interstate from here. You hadn't driven in a long time, mainly because your apartment was so close to everything you needed, and gas cost an arm and a leg. Maybe that was why Changmin was so prickly about you driving his car⊠but some things were a necessary evil. He would have to put on his big boy pants and deal with it.
"You know," you said after you'd officially hopped onto the highway. "Now would be a great time to start explaining things about the necklace. Since we were supposed to talk about it at the lighthouse and all."
You heard him push out a breath. One of his hands cupped the side of his body that was battered the most while his other rested on the center console. "Right."
You waited.
He struggled to fit the words into the right places for a decent explanation, nothing seeming quite adequate, but he eventually came up with an answer. "The necklaceâ" he paused, amending, "I guess I should call it more of an amuletâthe amulet is something made of very ancient, powerful magic. It was something forged from a combination of all three realms, and so the energy that it stores within itself is complacent with all three realms.
"I can't remember exactly the mythology that came with the damned thing, but your sister did. She knew all the ins and outs of the legendâshe obsessed over it."
"Obsessed over it?" Your eyebrows furrowed
"Yes," he said. "Which is why it's crazy to me she was even able to keep it a secret from you in the first place." Changmin brushed a hand through his hair, shifting in his seat awkwardly. "Anyways, the amulet is kind of like a key. It needs a vessel to be theâthe gate or the portal of sorts to activate it, but it would grant the creature who wields it the energy and power to travel through realms as if it were their own."
You checked your mirrors and flicked on the signal to change lanes. "Wait, not to sound like a YA fantasy book protagonistâ"
"A what?"
"Human thing," you dismissed airily. "So if someone got their hands on this thing, they could hypothetically conquer whole realms that aren't their own? Hypothetically, of course."
Changmin nodded slowly. "Hypothetically," he drawled. "If that's what they wanted to do. You'd have to have one Hell of an army to do so, and the amulet can't really give power to other people, only the one."
"It's a portable charger for one person's plan of mass destruction?"
He huffed, turning his head to the window, and when you glanced over for a millisecond, you swore he was smiling. "You're soâŠ"
"Funny, clever, charming?" You supplied, the corners of your lips curling upward. You licked your lips, then pursed them in thought. While you were driving and pondering the weapon of otherworldly conquer seated upon your neck, you also kept a look out for any restaurants at nearby exits. Maybe an all-day brunch place with blueberry pancakes⊠"Changmin?"
"Hm."
"Is there a way to destroy this? To ensure that no one can ever use it?" There had to be some method of self-destruct for something potentially so dangerous. Then again, you weren't an expert on magical artifacts.
Changmin's eyes moved back over to you. "If there is, it'll be somewhere in Sena's notes."
Oh.
The car ride chugged on for another hour or so before you gave up. Your stomach growled its disapproval of going so long without something sustaining, and you marked the billboard of a gas station at the next exit. The car needed to be fed, too, anyway.
It was a standard little pump-and-wash with an option to fill your tank, take your car through the little Soapy Joe's car wash in the back, or both. The gas station building was a camel-colored sandstone with deals on gas station snacks printed in massive, red block letters on bright yellow paper. For the most part, it seemed pretty empty, with only an SUV of a family on a road trip and another sedan with a rather disgruntled looking business man.
You swung the car into the pump station closest to the gas station store's door and began searching for the gas tank button.
"Bottom left, second from the right," Changmin instructed, already clambering out of the car. He suppressed the urge to make a noise as he did so with his still-bruised and battered torso.
"What are you doing?" You asked after locating the button and giving it a push. The muffled pop sound followed right after.
He braced one hand on the roof of his car as he peered back in. "I'm filling up my tank."
You deadpanned. You should have known the stubborn cretin would insist. It was better for you to not fight him if he was gonna be this anal about driving his own car while injured. "I'm getting snacks then."
"Have fun," he muttered, pulling his card out of his bifold. Where did even get money to put on that thing?
You mused upon that thought as you dug around your backpack in the back seat for a couple twenties. You wouldn't need much, just enough so you could indulge a bit.
Ten minutes later, you walked out of the gas stop with a plastic grocery bag in one hand and a blue and red swirled slurpee in the other. It was no 7/11, but goddamn did the sugar hit your system just right. After nearly drowning in sea water, it gave your body the perfect amount of zip.
You found Changmin in the driver's seat (were you surprised? Of course not), with his seat and mirrors adjusted back to how he liked it, and his phone plugged into the USB port in the center console. You clambered into your designated seat with the grace of a car sale balloon because of your sore ankle.
He glanced up from his phone, hand carding through his hair. "Ready?"
"Wait, before we goâ" You sorted through your bag of treats and looked for the little, brown paper bag amongst all the other junk. You pulled it out, the bottom beginning to seep through from the grease of the pastry inside. Childlike glee rushed through your veins, and you couldn't tell if that was just the slurpee or the thought of getting him a treat. Beaming, you extended it toward him. "I got you a blueberry muffin."
For a second, Changmin just stared. His eyes widened at the expression on your face, and you couldn't tell why something felt like it had shifted. He glanced at the grease-soaked paper vessel, then back to you, then the bag, thenâ
"Thanks," he said slowly, grabbing the bag from you and unrolling the top edge to open it up. (If you'd paid attention longer, you would have seen the darkening of his cheekbones. A rare sight.)
"They don't exactly sell blueberry pancakes," you prattled on and decided between a bag of kettle chips or a packet of dried seaweed; you decided on the former and popped the bag open. "So I got the next best thing. And the woman running the store looks like she bakes them fresh. Oh, I saw that it had this crumble on top and thought it had to be a sign it was top notch stuff."
Changmin inspected the muffin, then took a generous bite, cupping beneath it to catch any crumbs. His eyes fluttered shut and he moaned. "Fuckâme. That's so good."
You brightened. "Glad you think so," you chuckled in amusement.
He hummed in reply, already going in for his next bite.
With a car of slightly more content campers, you hit the road. The remainder of the journey would add up to a little more than four hours from here, as long as there weren't any other pitstops made. Hopefully, you would arrive before it got dark and you wouldn't have to deal with another situation like this morning.
The bag of snacks rested at your feet and you had tucked away the chip bag for later. It was concerning how fast your body became accustomed to this seat again, how it knew exactly what way to sit in order to be comfortable.
Changmin glanced over at you just as he made it onto the interstate ramp. "You should get some sleep. It's been⊠a long day and night."
Right on cue, you yawned. "Do you dream when you sleepâif you sleep?" You asked, instead of heeding his advice.
"Huh? Oh." He used his free hand to adjust the AC coming in through the vents. "I only really sleep if I'm bored, or if I know I'm not under threat, I guess."
You frowned. "Do you not feel safe a majority of the time?"
"It depends," he lifted his shoulder. "When we were at uni, there usually wasn't much threat around, so I slept sometimes. I only sometimes dream though."
You hummed, acknowledging him. "I think it's kind of funny that you're a demon studying anthropology."
His laugh was breathy. "Yeah? A little ironic?"
"What? Did you think it would help you blend in or something?"
He snorted. "No⊠I mean, it seemed like an interesting topic when I perused the website when applying."
You made a face, eyes staring out at the vast road before you. It was just before a typical afternoon rush hour, so there wasn't much traffic. "How did you even have the credentials to apply and get in?"
"A little white lie never hurt anyone," he said innocently.
You threw him an incredulous look, and a chuckle fell out of his mouth. "Despicable."
"I am a demon."
You fiddled with the hem of your sister's shirt, then reached up to play with the chain and pendant around your neck. You'd become so used to its weight that it felt wrong when it was gone. "Would you ever teach me how to use Bonnie?"
Changmin's hand felt around the middle console blindly until he met the lid of your slurpee. "I'm drinking this."
"Wait, I have an extra strawâ"
"What, you don't want my magic spit?"
Your gaze flattened into a deadpan. "Oh, so now it's magic spit?" You watched in melodramatic disgust as he took a generous sip of the sugary drink from your straw. You didn't really mind, of course; you weren't going to finish that thing all on your own. "And you didn't answer my question."
He replaced the cup back into its cupholder. "What's a Bonnie?"
"I hate you."
He let out a loud laugh that made your forced scowl nearly shatter. Who knew a demon could look so pretty when he laughed like that? "I don't even use it, you know that, right?"
"And I haven't the slightest idea why you keep her locked up like that." You shoved the pair of sandals you'd stolen from the lighthouse off so you could fold your legs onto the seat with you. Your finger brushed over the flesh of your ankle, where it was gradually splotching with blueish purple.
It was a familiar scene, that of Changmin taking his eyes off the road the briefest moment to inspect your bruise and frown. Humans are so fragile, he'd said before. The bruises on your neck from the motel had faded by now, thanks to the miracle salve he gave you at Moonstone Creak.
He cursed under his breath. "I forgot to bring the cup of salve from the inn," he sighed.
"That's fine," you murmured. "We were⊠in a rush." You swallowed, and when you closed your eyes, you could see the pack house in flames. "I hope they're okay."
"Yeah, same."
"Would it have mattered if we stayed?" You asked.
You expected him to simply say that it wouldn't have mattered, because that wasn't our goal. He knew what the wolf shifters were capable of, what Jacob was capable of, but you didn't. You'd seen them in bliss and peace, without the ferocity of what he might have been used to.
He thought about it and confessed, "I'm not sure. They can take care of themselves, but Iâ" he stumbled over his words, reeling them back in before he could say them out loud.
"You�"
He shook his head. "It's not important. What's important now is that youâweâgot out alive." When you couldn't find anything to say after, he reached over across the console to find your forearm again. His fingers curled around you, like they had when you'd left the woods. "If it makes you, uh, feel better, we can reach out to them. Send them a message once we get to the safehouse."
You nodded, moving your arm so his hand rested in yours and your other hand patted the top of his. "I'd appreciate that."
Changmin's nod was small, and he kept his hand sandwiched between the two of yours.
#12âALL HER SECRETS.
WHEN YOU DREAMED, your sister was drunk and stumbling across a dark road for help. Your throat lurched with air, but your scream was completely silent as her eyes went wide in the glare of the car lights. A deer in headlights, in a literal sense. It never occurred to you how morbid the saying was until you witnessed it in action.
Her body laid sprawled over the stretch of road as the couple driving scrambled out to check her vitals.
Dead on impact.
You awoke with a start.
Everything was fuzzy and muddled, and you sucked in oxygen through your nostrils, hands reaching up to rub your eyes with the heels of your palms. The place on your thigh where your hands had been resting grew cold at the lack of warmth as Changmin retracted his hand to his own side, putting the car into reverse to back into the driveway.
Cirrus clouds blotched the bruising sky, golden hour long since passed and the highway far out of view. You noted the residential street you faced through the front windshield with the sounds of children biking and drawing chalk masterpieces on sidewalks in the cul de sac down the road. You'd only ever really experienced this kind of tranquility in movies, never for yourself.
Your heartbeat, once erratic from the dream, calmed. (It was crazy how real a dream could feel.)
Changmin shuddered off the headlights and the engine died down. "We're here," he cleared his throat. He cracked his knuckles, one hand cradling the other.
You peered through your side view mirror, only catching part of the house in view. How had she afforded a whole house in the suburbs? Granted, it didn't look as large as the others on the street, but the fact that this was under her name⊠she hid all of this from you.
"I dreamed about her," you murmured in a voice hoarse from sleep.
He glanced at you. "Sena?"
"Yeah," you hummed. "How she diedâor I guess, how I imagined her death to be." You met his gaze, and it seemed like he was searching for something in your face. You reached down to gather your belongings in the gas station grocery bag, then popped the car door open. "So this is the place, huh?"
Changmin shook his hair out of his eyes. "Huh? Oh, yeah. I've only been here once or twice, too, but it's nice."
"How'd she afford this place anyway?"
"I think she found a vampiric sundial for a client." Crazy. Must have been one well-off client.
He hadn't been wrong about the place being nice. It was one of those cookie-cutter houses with white shutters in the windows, a garage big enough for two cars, and a driveway flanked by twin beds of emerald green grass. A little metal mailbox sat at the end of the driveway by the street with a red tab and the house number branded on the side. It was the dictionary definition of suburbia.
Changmin walked right up the front porch and stuck his hand in the potted plant hanging from a hook. Out of it, he withdrew a key, rusted and dirtied, but the perfect fit for the front door. It was a massive change from the lighthouse's situation.
Inside, you didn't expect anything less cozy than what you found. The entryway was confronted by a staircase that led to the second floor, and there was a hallway that led further into the home, and a doorway to the right that went into the living room. You took this all in with wide eyes, your breath held at the sight of unlit candles on tables, quirky baubles beside them, and picture framesâdear god, the picture frames.
You stopped in front of one of them and picked it up. In the dimming light, you traced the lines of your sister's smile and yours right next to hers. You both looked so young in this photoâway more carefree and innocent. You wondered how she had saved all of these photos when you only had them encased in your memory.
Changmin had disappeared up the stairs, most likely heading straight for Sena's room or an office, anywhere that might hold the notebooks you and he had been looking for. The wooden planks creaked slightly under your weight as you climbed the stairs, and you ran your hand along the smooth railing as you went.
"Hey Changmin?" You called out, head swiveling around the upstairs landing to find which doorway he'd disappeared into.
"Yeah?" He asked from somewhere within the furthest doorway. You followed the sound and stuck your head into what looked to be a home office. It was outfitted with a desk and office chair, a few bookshelves, and an armchair in the corner. Changmin brushed his finger along the spines.
You joined him at his side and picked a random one to pull out. "How are your ribs?" You asked him, moving your gas station grocery bag handles to hang on your forearms you flipped through the journal. This one didn't seem to have much; maybe she wanted to start a planner in this and never finished.
His movements paused for a second, then resumed. "My ribs? Oh, they're, uh⊠they're fine now."
Your face screwed up in incredulity. "That's insane."
"Supernatural regeneration plus human blood," he said like he was explaining one plus one equals two.
"But patching up broken bones?" You replaced the book back in its slot and wandered away from the shelf. The office space was decorated comfortably enough but there were no other personal additions besides the furniture.
You stepped back out into the upstairs loft to search for the bedroom. The master was located on the other side of the office door, and when you opened it up, you were hit by a wave of nostalgia.
That was her. That was what Sena smelled like. And where you knew she always kept a bottle, there sat a glass vial of her favorite perfume on the nightstand table. It was as if it said to you, "Welcome home, Yn. We've been expecting you." Except, you never got to be welcomed here, not by your sister, at least.
It was like going into her locked room at the apartment all over again. There weren't as many things here as there were back at your place, but the subtle things left around reminded you of her, besides the scent lingering. It was uncanny how such a thing could stick around for so long, clinging to the walls, the sheets, the floors, until even the air vents recycled that same smell on its own.
You settled on the edge of the bed and just sat there.
It seemed you were returning to the same questions over and over again. Why had she hid any of this from you?
Changmin appeared in the doorway, his hand bracing the doorway. "Hey."
"Did you find something?" You asked.
He pursed his lips, the miniature mole beneath his bottom lip popping out at you. "Nah, not yet anyway. I just⊠wanted to, uh, see where you'd gone."
"Oh, I came to find her room, is all." You pressed your hands flat on the comforter to feel the fabric. You didn't quite know what to think. "It's weird knowing she lived here at some point."
"She had her reasons for keeping things a secret," he said quietly while venturing a step into the room.
You exhaled sharply. "Yeah, I figured." At the motel, he had confessed that he and Sena both agreed to keep you out of this business unless necessary. He had sisters, did he not say? It didn't seem too far-fetched to assume that he could sympathize more with Sena than you. "You mentioned once that you have sisters."
He stiffened, and you wondered if you'd crossed a line.
"I do," he replied slowly. "I'm not as close to them as you were with Sena."
Your smile was thin. "Yeah, well, based on the past few weeks, I'm not so sure we were that close."
Conflict flickered across his face, and he crossed the space between the doorway and the bed, and took a seat on the edge adjacent to you. "She talked about you a lot," he said. "Thought the world of you."
Your eyes were pinned to the floor as tears welled up in your eyes and blurred your vision.
"Always talked about her baby sister, and how you were the one with your head screwed on right."
If she could see you now⊠you were going half mad, but the corners of your lips curled upward at the sentiment. You sniffled, wiping your eyes and cheeks with the side of your hand. "You know," you mused, your voice watery, "for a demon, you're getting good at this empathizing thing."
Changmin's shoulders lowered, his hands laid out over his legs as he chuckled. "Yeah, yeah. It's not as hard as you make it out to be."
"Liar."
"Human."
"You need new insults," you groaned, shoving his shoulder.
His bangs hung in his eyes and you couldn't see his expression quite clearly. "Who said it was ever an insult?"
Changmin let you check the state of his still-slightly-broken torso (liar) as long as you let him examine your bruised ankle. You chalked it up to your demon being a big baby again, but you figured there was no harm and no foul in letting him take a peek. It wasn't like the injury hindered your movement an awful lot anyway.
You hissed as he jabbed at a blossom of purple on your ankle and you tried to retract your leg. He kept a firm enough grasp unfortunately. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"So it does hurt."
"No," you quipped, "you're just a sadist."
The two of you sat on the couch in the living room with a first aid kit opened up on the coffee table and a legal pad next to it. In your lap sat one of Sena's many, many journals propped open to a page that you were scanning for anything that might be of help. Changmin had set aside the journal he was reading to drag your foot into his lap.
The top leaf of paper on the legal pad was impressed with the message you had scrawled out for the wolves of Moonstone Creak, asking about their state of health. Changmin had summoned a sprite (???) from over the fence in the backyard to ferry it over. Apparently, it was the supernatural equivalent of medieval pigeon messaging.
You couldn't even begin to wrap your head around all of it. The point was that he had kept his word, and now, you were keeping yours.
The words scrawled in your sister's handwriting blurred in your vision, and you glanced up to watch Changmin again. "What are you doing?" You asked, leaning your head against the couch cushion. "You're not⊠gonna lick my ankle, right?" You scrunched your face up. As much as you appreciated him trying to heal your injuryâ
"That's not how saliva works," he replied, holding your leg with one hand so he could lean forward and dig around in the first aid kit.
"Oh, I'm sorry I don't know how saliva works."
He arched an eyebrow up at you, and you recognized the silent "Really?" in his expression.
You lowered your eyes back to the journal in your lap and tried to suppress your amusement. "I don't know how you plan to heal a bruise, but usually ice and time are the bestâoh shit, that's cold!"
You squealed and attempted to wrench your foot away once again, but he yet again prevailed. He anchored your foot down as he pressed a bandage-looking adhesive around the circumference of your ankle. As the sharp, icy pain gradually diminished, your muscles loosened up.
"Don't ever do that again," you told him with a scowl, successfully pulling away your leg from him (because he let you).
He sent you a flat look. "You'll thank me later. It's a good thing she had some stashed away," he said, flipping the first aid box lid closed and returning to the journal he picked out.
You gave your ankle an experimental roll. The ache had numbed and there was no longer a jab of pain when you moved the joint around. "What is it?"
"Some magical bandage that is specifically for mortal species," he said offhandedly with his eyes glued to the pages. "You have to find a witch apothecary to get them, and even then, they sometimes scam you and jack up the price."
"Huh." There was still much for you to learn, it seemed, but even the supernatural world fell victim to capitalism.
With your foot patched up, the both of you descended into silence to return to your respective journals. There were interesting things scrawled between the lines and the margins. Your sister liked to sketch things, and so you figured out pretty quickly that this journal was used to document supernatural herbs she came across while on her adventures.
You ditched that one to move onto the next. This one seemed like a standard, hard-covered journal with a lilac-colored ribbon used as a bookmark. It wasn't marking any specific page, however, but was only tucked between the cover and the first page. You flipped through the entries, noting the datesâwait.
Wait⊠these were recent.
"Changmin," you muttered, tapping his shoulder as you scanned the inky scrawls.
Changmin put his notebook down and the two of you converged onto the same couch cushion, your shoulders and thighs pressed together, and the book opened between you.
"Do you recognize when this was?" You asked, pointing out the dates in the top corners. "I remember she told me she was going up north to study abroad during this time."
His forehead creased between his eyebrows. "Yeah⊠I remember. She was being vague with where she said she was going."
"She didn't tell you?"
"She didn't report to me, if that's what you're asking."
You turned your attention to the diary entries. This particular one was labeled with the third of November, the year before:
A note to self: never choose the Holiday Inn off the I-375. It might literally smell like a dead body in here, and I'm keeping my window open the entire night.
You snorted. Noted.
âdrive was long and I don't think Yn expected anything. She had this massive exam today, so I think she was a little preoccupied, but she sent me off as usual. (Fighting Yn!) It's tough keeping this from her, but at the same time⊠I'm not sure if she would understand.
She's always been in the right headspaceânot whatever dream world I've been living in. I don't know why I always invalidate myself when I know this is all real. Maybe it's not?
That's besides the point. I'm supposed to meet the amulet owner in a couple days and there is still a laundry list of things I need to do before that exchange happens.
"The amulet had an owner before her?" You voiced aloud. And what did she mean that you wouldn't understand? Was that why she never told you the truth?
Changmin gave a head bob. "I wouldn't mark it as a ridiculous notion. A lot of magical artifacts sit in basements and get pawned or sold as antiques." He shrugged. "It's not like they come with manuals that say I'm not just a Tiffany lamp; I'm a magic carpet."
You squinted at him. "I never realized how silly you were."
"I'm not silly," he scoffed.
Sure you aren't, you thought. Demons and their tough guy act.
Changmin flipped past the pages, both of you skimming each as you went for any words that jumped off the page.
"Stop," you said, bumping your hand against his. "Go back."
You thought you had seen something⊠there.
It was dated several weeks after the first entry, and her writing looked more scratchy, more frantic:
I translated one of the passages wrong. The amulet doesn't use the wearer's blood as an activator, it BINDS them to it. The wearer is an amplifier, NOT an activator.
What.
You stopped reading there, digging the pendant out from beneath your shirt collar and watching the red upon the stone wink at you. The blood drained from your faceâwhat did that mean, amplifier?
Next to you, Changmin kept reading on. His eyebrows braided together in concentration as he soaked up all the words on the notebook like a sponge. This was all of the information he hasn't gotten from Sena before, and what she might have wanted to tell him beforehand. At least, that was what you thought. That was what made the most sense.
It's too late for me anyways, I already pricked my finger against it and it sucked it all up. It's been done, was what your sister wrote. I don't know how magic reads blood types or genetic code, if it even does that, but for some reason I'm less scared and more curious.
Things to note: it seems to match my heartbeat. The full amulet should ideally be the shape of an infinity loopâsupposedly. It's a little off, but it might be from the wear of time. It's missing a piece though, a middle portion that slides over it like a connector or binder of sorts. Neither half will stay together without it, and without said third piece, the amulet won't work.
I guess my next course of action is to find out who does have the third piece, and to make sure this damn thing will never EVER be used.
Changmin flipped the page, and you began unclasping the chain.
He stopped you, placing a hand over your own with wide eyes. "Woah, what are you doing?"
Your mouth dropped open. "Did you not just read what she said? This is an amplifier, Changmin. I don't know what the Hell that means, but I don't want it on me." No matter how much the emptiness left behind protested, the word "amplifier" made your heart drop.
He protested again, stopping your movement. "YnâYn, listen to me. We cannot lose the one piece we have."
Your heart was moving erratically now, the pendant pulsing in perfect time. If it had your sister's blood in it then why did it match yours? "I don't want it on me," you croaked. You fisted the pendant and held it away from your chest. "It matches my heartbeat, Changmin. Do you know how fucking unnerving that is when it's supposed to be my sister's?"
Changmin faltered at this revelation. He blinked. "Iâsince when did it match your heartbeat?"
"Since the moment I put it on."
His eyes went to the amulet in your hands, and his expression rearranged itself into something you couldn't readâworry, maybeâ
He froze.
You just barely picked up on the sound yourself while descending into panic, but it sounded like wheels rolling on the street in front of the house. Both of you peered out the window shutters to the front lawn space as a white colored sedan pulled up along the front curb.
A white sedan.
Changmin's hand tightened on your arm as he assessed the car. The headlights remained on, but the driver had yet to step out and reveal themselves. "You have Clyde?"
"I do, but⊠what if they're here for the neighbors?" You whispered even as the hair on the back of your neck stood up. Not here, not again. You and Changmin were finally getting answers.
He looked like he was about to counter when the driver's side door opened.
Instead of a big, scary monster or creature, the person who clambered out was quite petite. Then again, you weren't quite sure what to expect. She wore a big, white knit cardigan that hung off her frame, and she had platinum blond hair with dark purple highlights. The car door slammed shut behind her as she trudged up the grassy lawn toward the front door and rang the doorbell.
Changmin seemed just as surprised as you did.
"Girl Scout cookies?" You suggested under your breath. It definitely wasn't Girl Scout cookie season, and the woman didn't seem young enough to still be a Girl Scout. (And usually, Girl Scout sellers came with something to sell. This one just had her car keys and a phone.)
He passed you a look. The muscle in his jaw told you he was still on the offense. "Stay here," he said, then got up and quietly made his way to the front door.
The doorbell rang again, the sound echoing throughout the house loud enough to wake the dead.
Changmin made eye contact with you once more before he began unlocking the door. He pasted on a smile, with one hand on the doorknob to keep the door angled so the woman couldn't see past him, and the other lingering around his middle "Hi, can I help you?"
You didn't even think he had the vocabulary to be polite.
"Oh, uh, hi!" Chirped the visitor. Her voice was bright, but with a raspy quality to it. She neither looked familiar nor sounded familiar. "This is probably really strange, but did you recently move into this house?"
Changmin moved his hand up to his opposing shoulder. "Yeah, actually. My partner and I just moved in. Why do you ask?"
Partner? He meant the strictly-business kind, right?... Right?
You stood up and began making small steps toward him in the entryway. He must have heard you, because you saw his eyes flicker toward you in his peripheral vision, and he stuck his hand out behind the door to swat you away.
Like you were going to listen.
"Ah," said the woman, "I justâŠ" she chuckled, shaking her head. "One of the neighbors texted me about seeing you guys come in earlier today. I used to know the previous owner; we were pretty close, I guess you could say."
His eyes darted to yours for a millisecond. You heard that, too, right?
You approached the door, standing just behind the wall and out of sight.
"Oh, you knew Sena?" Changmin asked.
"Yeah," she answered easily. "She was my ex-fianceé."
#13âNO SUCH THING.
"SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER?" The question nearly had you snorting tea from your nose. Beside you, Changmin had a similar reaction, turning away slightly to catch the water that trickled out of his mouth.
Mika, the woman with the platinum blonde and purple hair, the woman who had shown up at the door, the woman who was Sena's ex-fianceĂ©, widened her eyes in alarm. "Oh my gosh, I'm sorryâisâis that not what you both are? I assumed when he said partner, but I shouldn't haveâ"
You shook your head, thumping your chest. "Oh, no, no," you said, pretending your voice hadn't gone up four octaves. "It'sâit's okay! You just caught us both off guard, is all."
As soon as Mika revealed her identity, you said "screw it all" and practically ripped the door open. Any skepticism was dashed when she recognized you immediately as Sena's little sisterâas stupid as it sounded, that was enough proof for you.
You invited her in.
Now, she sat on the armchair adjacent to you and Changmin. Sena's books had been kicked under the couch in the haste to clean up, leaving the first aid kit and legal pad out. To Mika's credit, she didn't comment on either one, just accepting your offer for a drink.
"We're uhmâŠ"
"Kind of together," you said, but it sounded more like a question.
Changmin swallowed. "Uh, ish."
"It's complicated."
You hoped your face hadn't gone too red because it burned like the pits of Hell. Changmin didn't look any better; even his face was brushed in pink.
Mika let out a delicate laugh, lifting her mug of tea to her lips for a sip. "No, I get it. You don't owe me an explanation."
You could have sagged in relief. At least she seemed nice.
"I really appreciate you both letting me into your home," she continued and nursed the mug in her lap. "I know neither of you know me, but I suppose we have one mutual friend."
You nodded. "Yeah no, of course. I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you. SenaâŠ" Hid so much from me. "Sena and I both had pretty different lives." Understatement of the century.
Mika straightened. "Oh, yes! I completely understand. She actually told me that she traveled a lot, and that you're studyingâI believe it was accounting?"
You blinked. "Yes, actually."
"That's lovely, by the way," she said pleasantly. "I've never been great at math, so I admire you for that. Definitely not my cup of tea, but good for you."
"When is math anyone's cup of tea?" You mused, and she gave a little laugh of agreement.
This was⊠unexpectedly nice. But while the moment was sweet, you were divided internally. Sena told Mika about you, but didn't tell you about Mika. Had you done something where she didn't trust you enough to disclose this very important part of her personal life to you? It wasn't like you hid anything from herâyou just, well, didn't have anything to hide.
"I didn't realize that Sena even told you about this place," Mika said, gesturing around at the house.
Oh, right. Back to the reality of your current situation. "Heh, yeah," you drawled and scratched the side of your neck. "She wrote all of the details down in her will for me." That seemed like a logical lie to tell.
"I'm surprised you weren't included in the will reading, Mika," Changmin suddenly jumped into the conversation. Your eyes were wide as you whipped your head toward him. His expression was carefully blank, words and movements executed with a lethal casualness. Because that was who he wasâlethal. You just couldn't understand why he was putting it on for this lady.
"Changmin," you whispered sharply in reprimand, setting your cup down on the coffee table.
"No, it's okay, Yn," Mika replied good-naturedly. "It's a perfectly reasonable observation. I told her not to include me in her will, if she ever wrote one. I just⊠I have a lot of material things already, and it sounds kind of corny, but I didn't want anything like that from herâjust her and her company." You noted the way she played around with the empty spot on her left ring finger absentmindedly, as if somethingâa ringâhad once sat there.
Your chest warmed. At least you knew your sister was properly loved, as she should have been. A bittersweet sort of sadness wormed into the back of your mind still. "Ah, I see. I wish I would've known how to contact you afterâŠ"
"After that, yeah," she nodded. She swallowed, setting her mug on the table and shifting in the armchair. "Same here. Sena never gave me any means to get in touch with you, but I'm sure it was for a certain reason."
"How did you know that Sena was dead?"
You slapped your hand over Changmin's mouth. "I am so sorry about him. You don't have to answer thatâ"
"I just assumed that Sena had me as one of her emergency contacts, besides you, of course." Mika gestured to you with her expression still light and unbothered. You removed your hand from Changmin's mouth, nodding along. "Somebody contacted me about how her sister identified the body, but that Sena was dead, nonetheless."
That made sense. The morgue had been cold when you stepped foot inside it to confirm it was your sister there. You could imagine what Mika must have felt when authorities contacted her to give her the bad news. It must have been something close to how you felt.
With one hand resting in your lap, the other fiddled with your pendant. You'd forgotten to tuck it away earlier.
Mika's eyes darted toward it after following your hand movement. "Oh, that's an interesting necklace."
You enclosed your fingers around it and straightened. Every time anybody else noticed the amulet, you always felt like a deer in headlights. "It'sâit's nothing really. I justâ"
"I have one exactly like it."
Your fidgeting slowed. Heartbeat racketing against your chest, you could feel your counterpart tense next to you. "You do?" You stammered.
She bobbed her head. "I'm pretty sure, yes. Sena gave it to me. At first, I wasn't sure exactly what stone it wasâI kind of just figured it was something precious, but I knew it had a level of sentimental value to it." Mika smiled, the corners of her lips curling sweetly, eyes misting. "I guess it makes sense that you have the other half."
Of course. Of course Mika had the other half. That was why Sena split the halves of the necklace and gave one half to you. Maybe this was her way of connecting you and Mika together by giving either of you a half of the very important necklace. One question that still remained was why hadnât Sena mentioned anything to you about Mika or the other half of the necklace? Had she forgotten to write it down in her haste? Perhaps she hadnât thought she was in danger just yet, and didnât have a moment before her untimely death to sit down and explain everything in a letter.
âDo you happen to have the other half with you?â You asked her, leaning forward onto your knees. âIâve been so puzzled as to what it is these past few weeks.â A blatant lie, but you needed to know how much Mika knew. She hadnât mentioned anything about the dire importance of the necklace yet, but she said âsentimental value.â That wasnât the same thing. Was it?
Mika pursed her lips and shook her head. âI donât, unfortunately. Itâs at home with my other accessories, but Iâd gladly bring it for you to see, maybe over dinner?â
Changmin delivered a swift nudge to your side with his elbow. âCan I talk to you?â
You pressed your lips together. âSure,â you said, and he immediately stood from the couch to head out into the hallway. You supposed he assumed you were going to follow him. You sent Mika an apologetic look, then trailed after your demon.
You found him waiting for you in the kitchen, leaning against the island with his hands folded over his chest.
âWhat did you want to talk about?â
He looked at you in earnest and pressed a finger to his lips in a quiet signal. You fixed him with a look, coming to stand beside him. âI donât think we can trust her,â he murmured to you with his mouth by your ear. He had leaned over so close, you could see the pores on his skin.
The two of you pulled away simultaneously.
You coughed and braced an elbow against the countertop. âWhy do you say that?â You asked. You didnât mean for it to sound so defensive, but you bristled at the thought that you couldnât trust the one other person who might have more insight into your sisterâs life than you or Changmin.
Changmin cocked his head at his tone. âYou believe her?â
âShe hasnât given me any reason to not believe her.â You pushed out a breath. If you stepped out of your own head for a moment, it was clear that something was bothering him. Considering he was the one with the supernatural experience and he had yet to be wrong yet, there had to be a good reason for him to not trust Mika. âOkay, why donât you trust her?â
His eyes roamed over your faceâhe was doing that thing againâlooking for something, but what, you werenât too sure of. âIâŠâ He sighed, âI realize that thisâthis is your chance to reconnect with a part of your sisterâs past, but she⊠her presence just doesnât sit right with me. The timing, her answers⊠sweetheart, thereâs no such thing as coincidence.â
You chewed the inside of your cheek. âSo you think sheâs here because of the necklace, or something to that effect?â
âYes, something to that effect,â he said.
âBut all of her answers make sense to me. If Sena had both halves of the necklace, giving two halves to two of the people she deemed close to her would make sense. And I think what she said about the will was a little corny, butâŠâ You admitted, âIt was a little strange that Sena didnât mention anything about her in the will.â
Changmin bit his lip. âI know we probably shouldnât villainize her right off the bat, but thereâs something so weird about this, Yn.â
âOkay,â you said, âI donât fully agree, but letâs say yes to dinner and then go from there, yeah?â
He seemed to be in agreement after that, and the two of you returned to the living room where Mika glanced up from her phone. âEverything okay?â
You nodded. âOh yeah. No need to worry; just a personal thing,â you said casually and took your seat from before. âYou were saying something about dinner, right?â
As Mika told you about a neat, little restaurant nearby themed like a Prohibition-era speakeasy, you absentmindedly reached for your cup of tea on the coffee table. Before your fingers could make contact with the handle, you felt another hand bump yours out of the way. The cup was suddenly not there.
Instead, you glanced over at Changmin as he swept your tea mug up into his grasp. âSorry, I wanted some. I hope you donât mind.â
Your expression was quizzical. He must be a lot more comfortable with sharing things with you after he stole half your slurpee in the car ride. âItâs okay. I wasnât really that thirsty,â you said slowly.
But his gaze wasnât on you; it was on Mika. His eyes narrowed at her over the rim of the cup, and he drained its contents in one gulp, like a challenge. You would have to ask him about it later.
Mika didnât look the least bit fazed. She continued on about dinner plans, none the wiser to Changminâs dagger-sharp eyes. You had to give her credit for sitting there under his gaze without shrinking into herself, because you probably would not have survived.
The remainder of the visit went without a hitch. Mika didnât say anything else that drew a snarky response from Changmin, and the three of you (really, it was just you and Mika who participated) decided to meet at the restaurant she mentioned the next day for dinner.
âWell, I think Iâve overstayed my welcome,â Mika laughed lightheartedly, and the both of you stood at once.
Changmin stayed on the couch, but you figured it would be fine if you just walked her to the door. You frowned, though, noting the way his eyelids fluttered, like he was trying to keep himself upright. âNonsense,â you said to her, âit was really nice to meet you, Mika.â
You opened the front door for her, and Mika fitted her shoes back on. âYou, as well. And your partner.â Her lips curled up into a sweet smile. âCanât wait to see you both tomorrow again, and to get to know you better. We have so much to catch up on.â
You nodded. âYes, definitely. Get back safe, Mika.â
âI will. Thanks, Yn.â She gave a wave before marching down across the front lawn. You lingered by the door to make sure she got into her car okay, and returned her final, little wave through the driverâs side window.
With one hand braced on the side of the open front door, you craned your head around to look at Changmin on the couch. âHey, you doing okay?â You asked, eyebrows creasing at the way he was hunched over now. âChangmin?â
âI think sheââ
You didnât hear what he said.
From your peripheral vision, you saw something swoop in toward you fast. You couldnât comprehend what was happeningâjust the blur of feathers, the scream you let out, and the sound of Changmin yelling your name.
He was so sure that Mika drugged your tea with essence of sloth.
After you and Changmin came back from the kitchen, heâd seen the way the surface of your tea swirled as if something had just been stirred into it. The tea, which had been a mild green color before, looked a shade deeper, with fresh steam rising from it. He recognized those properties so distinctly to that of supernatural essences modeled after the seven deadly sins. He hadnât even needed to think about itâhe just reached for it and drank the entire thing. The worst case scenario was that Mika put enough of the essence in there that Changmin would be slightly affected, but only that much; either way, he would be able to stomach it better than you could. He couldnât let you consume even a drop of it.
But now that his eyelids were as heavy as lead curtains and his brain felt like cotton, he was thinking it had to be sloth. But even if it was sloth, he wouldnât have been this affected by it.
It had to be something different. Something he hadnât taken before, something she knew a demon wouldnât already have tolerance to.
He tuned into the conversation happening, just as Mika was excusing herself to head home. Good, she would leave and he could sleep this fucking drug off. You would be none the wiser.
ââwill. Thanks, Yn.â
Almost gone.
Changminâs eyelids shuddered closed as he leaned forward onto his knees with his head ducked to his chest. This⊠whatever the fuck this was, it was hitting him⊠hitting him⊠like⊠like a truck.
A familiar voiceâno, more than just familiarâcame to him. Your voice reached out to him, a lighthouse guiding his ship through a storm to shore. âHey, you doing okay? Changmin?â
Could you close the door and come closer? Come over to him and sit next to him again. He gave a rough shake of his head in an attempt to knock some sense into his head. âI think sheââ
Your scream sliced him right through the chest, and he jolted. âYN?â
âChangmin! Changminââ
Everything blurred in his vision as he tried to stand. The floor wobbled beneath him, and he swayed toward the polished wood violently. âYN,â he yelled. Please, please, pleaseâhe needed to get to you.
He could barely make out the shapes in his vision: the flurry of gray feathered wings, your legs kicking out as you fought your captor. Changminâs body lurched toward you, but stumbled pathetically, nearly tripping over the coffee table. Panic seized him by the ribs, but he trudged onward. He⊠he had to get to you. âYN? YN.â
âChangââ
He swore.
His knees hit the floor. He would fucking crawl if he had to.
A pair of boots came into his blurred vision. âWell, isnât this a lovely sight?â
Something in the back of his mind told him to RUN. But he couldnât. Fucking Hell, he couldnât even push himself up.
His chin was tilted upward, and he made out the shapes of eyes staring into his soul like a cat to a mouse. âSheâll be alright,â the voice purred. âYou have bigger problems now.â
#14âDON'T TRUST ANYONE.
OUT OF FEAR OF FALLING STRAIGHT TO YOUR DEATH, you didnât struggle in the arms of your angelic captor. Your heart ratcheted around in your ribcage as you dangled from the powerful grasp of one divine being you didn't recognize. His feathered wings, colored a medium gray, would have been beautiful to you if you weren't currently one slip away from splatting to the earth. This angel was nothing like Jacob.
All you could do was wait for doom. Whenever it decided to take you.
You hoped Changmin was okay. You prayed to anybody listening that he was okay; the way he stumbled toward you⊠the desperation in his voice. You swallowed. Oh god, you hoped he was okay. You couldn't stomach the thought of itâof losing him.
(You hoped you were going to be okay, too.)
The night sky looked akin to a dark void. No stars hung tonight, and you couldn't even see the houses beneath your feet. You screwed your eyes shutâbetter to not look down.
It wasn't much longer that the angel dove down into the dark mass of clouds and your voice became entrapped in your throat again. When you opened your eyes, there was a large estate coming into view with small lights embedded in the grounds lighting the way like a private airstrip. The angel followed, letting your arms go when your feet were close enough to the ground.
You rolled into the grassâhe grabbed you up but the back of your shirt to stand upright.
"Come on," he grunted, "let's go inside."
"What the Hell do you want from me?" You gritted out as he practically dragged you across the lawn and toward the mansion ahead.
Shit, where did he take you? The grounds sprawled around you for what seemed like acres. You didn't have the mind to appreciate the architecture though, if this was your final resting place.
The angel didn't answer your question. Rude.
When he wrestled you into the front foyer, he threw you to the cool, stone floor. Your hands and knees caught the stone with a sharp slap, and you winced, rolling onto your backside.
"Stay here untilâ" Something embedded itself into the side of his neck. He scrunched his face up in mild annoyance, feeling around for the dart and pulling the needle out. He scoffed at the puny thing, flicking it to the floor.
Somebody leapt out from the front window curtains, screeching like a bat out of Hell. The creature, the person, launched themselves onto the angel's back and reared their armed hand back, before plunging the blade of a knife between his shoulder blades.
Gold-tinted blood arced across the ceiling and walls. You were frozen in horror as you watched Mika cling to the angel's wings and stab him overâand overâand overâand overâ
The angel fought well, but the bladeâfucking Hell, it had to have been laced with something.
He fell face first into a pool of his blood, dead, you presumed.
You scurried backward, trying to put space between you and the angel corpse. The golden ichor was slowly trickling toward you over the polished floors.
Mika huffed a strand of hair out of her eyes, sweat dampening her forehead. Her entire front and hand was covered in angel blood. She swiped the back of her hand over her forehead, leaving a streak of it there like gruesome war paint.
She smiled at youâyou shivered. "Sorry about that," she said, stepping over the corpse unceremoniously. "Had to get rid of him. This one was a pain in the ass to work with anyway." She gave the body a kick in the side, and you flinched.
"Whatâ" you choked, "âwho the fuck are you?"
Mika's cheerful disposition was still present in her face. Her eyes still turned into crescent moons when she smiled. She was still the Mika you met less than two hours ago, but also not. Nothing about her softness before brought you any comfort now.
"We just met, Yn, don't you remember?" She walked toward you, and you scrambled away. "Now, don't be like that. We're on the same side." The blade in his grasp glinted gold and silver in the foyer lighting, and she gestured with it. "Oh, this? I put a little something special on itâit's the same thing your demon drank. In this world, we need as many advantages as we can, Yn."
When you had yet to say anything, she sighed, disappointed. "Don't tell me you're not impressed. Your sister was the same way when I showed her the thing I made."
You had one hand behind you, inching toward Clyde in your back pocket. "What⊠what do you mean? Is Changmin going to be okay?"
"He'll be fine," she dismissed with a flick of her wrist. "Well," she reconsidered. "I don't know if he'll be okay. Depends on the mood of the angels who have him. But that's not our problem."
"If you want the necklace, you can have it."
Mika laughed. "Goody! I was gonna take it from you anyway, but no, that's not the only thing I want."
"What else could you possibly want?"
She towered over you and you stuck your angel blade out between you and her. She raised a brow at the knife, slowly leaning down to be eye level with you. "Your sister really didn't tell you anything, huh?"
You gritted your teeth in frustration.
"Yn, let me tell you a story." Mika settled into the floor in front of you, crisscrossing her legs. Gold clung and dried against her clothes and skin, but it didn't bother her. "Not long ago, I discovered a little thing in my grandfather's attic. It was two halves of a pendant, and when put together, it made the shape of an infinity signâor something to that effect. I had no idea what it was, but I figured there was no use keeping it around; I didn't need it. I put it on Craigslist and waited.
"Lo and behold, I got a notification from someone interested. Her nameâcan you guess? I bet you can," Mika mused.
"Sena."
"There you go," she said, leaning back onto her palms with a wistful smile. "Sena and I arranged a time to meet, and the first time I saw herâdo you believe in love at first sight? I do. I fell in love with her, and I like to think she did, too."
You attempted to put a stop to the shakiness in your hands. "Where are you going with this?"
"Impatient, are we?" Her eyes narrowed. She drawled, carrying on, "She introduced me to her world and the necklace. This little amulet that my grandfather had tossed in an old jewelry box could conquer worlds, in the right hands. Could you imagine that? Jumping from realm to realm in a supercharged version of yourself without losing energy?"
Your mouth pressed into a thin line. "Dangerous."
"That's the boring answer."
"You're sick."
"I like to say ambitious," she countered. "You're just like your sister. Sena wanted to figure out how to destroy the thing rather than how to use it. Waste of time and talent, if you ask me. She didn't get it."
Mika cocked an eyebrow at you. "She cut her finger on it one day and it drank up her blood like a sponge. It was too late for her to back out thenâshe was bound to it." She waved a hand in your direction, and you clutched at the necklace. "And now you are, too. Your blood is the closest thing to Sena's, and you're the only one who can make it work."
You felt the blood in your face run cold.
"Don't look so surprised. That's why the demon kept you around."
Your head was spinning. "You're not making sense," you sputtered. ChangminâChangmin wanted to get rid of this as much as you didâbut⊠but he hadn't. He hadn't, had he? "Why should I believe you?"
Mika frowned. "What reason would I have to lie to you?"
"You just murdered someone you worked withâ"
"Oh, and you don't think he has?"
Your mouth snapped shut.
She leaned forward a little. "You and I, Yn, would never have to live in fear of the supernatural. The power that lies in your hands now, around your neck?" She started pulling herself to her feet, and you swiftly followed so you wouldn't be on the ground anymore.
You didn't need her to have any more advantage over you.
"It's priceless," Mika said, opening her arms wide. "You know what your little demon was going to do with the finished pieces of the amulet?"
"He was going to destroy the piecesâ"
"He was going to take it for himself and use it to get back in his family's good graces," Mika corrected sharply. She took a step toward you, and you took one back. "You never suspected why he was so desperate to make sure you both 'finished what your sister started?'"
Oh god, you were going to be sick. You couldn't believe herâyou weren't just going to believe her. Everything was spinning.
He was so insistent.
He was always so damn insistent. And he had never mentioned anything before about destroying the amulet.
The demon that day⊠it had addressed him as Your Disgrace. Oh Godâ
"I don't," you forced out, "believe you." Were you a fool? Were you a fool for believing in the goodness of a demon who saved you from death more than once, made sure you were fed and healing and happy and safe? Had you made a grave mistake?
Don't trust anyone.
Why hadn't Sena mentioned anything about Changmin?
"Then you're an idiot," Mika quipped. "Even Sena knew better than you."
"Oh, shut up," you snarled. You backed up all the way into the next roomâthe kitchen. Yn, look for a way out, damn it.
"He figured it out. That you were linked to it, and you were the ticket to accessing its power and the other pieces." You both came to a stand still. The ichor crusted over like caramelized sugar all over her face and clothes and hands.
"You have the third piece," you said tightly.
She shrugged. "Of course, I do. Money can buy you so many things."
"Clearly, it can't buy you a moral compass."
Mika barked out a laugh. "Oh, you're funny! It's almost a shame you're resisting; I'd hate to pick off another Ln sister."
"Whatâ"
She pounced.
Your breath hitched in your throat as you moved out of the way, barely missing the graze of her knife. You gripped your own in your fist and swung it at her, adrenaline rushing through your veins and urging you to winâbecause who knew what would happen if you lost.
She came at you again with teeth gnashing and stained in blood that wasn't hers. You'd seen her take down that angel with a wild ruthlessness.
You caught her wrist as the counter dug into your spine, the point of her knife glinting in the kitchen lights.
"It brought meâ" she grunted, applying more force down on you, "âno pleasure to do what I did to her, but she wouldn'tâlisten."
You bit your lip and got one leg free to kick her off you. "Fuck you!" You grabbed the vase behind you and chucked it at her head.
You heard the glass shatter, but hadn't seen the damage done as you made a dash for the front foyer again.
"Not so fast, little Lnâ"
Something snagged into the back of your shirt, and you and Mika went tumbling to the stone floor. Your head hit the marble with purpose, a sharp pain piercing through your temple. Your vision blurred for a second and you put your hands out to fight for your fucking life.
"You killed her?" You caught her knife hand again and managed a slice with Clyde to her side as you shoved her onto her back.
"I wasn'tâtrying to," she grunted.
You yelped as she attempted to claw at your face, your head swerving out of the way just in time. "What the fuck does that even matter?"
"It wasn't my fault she was dumb enough to leave the bar." Mika kneed you off her body and your knife flew. You swore under your breath and she immediately fisted a portion of your hair and yanked you back toward her. "You should've seen the way she stumbled like a baby deer. Your older sisterâsuch determination. That car didn't even see her until it was too late."
With ferocity, you knocked your head back against her face. You heard the satisfying sound of bones crack.
"Fucking Hellâ"
You dove for Clyde, your fingers wrapping around the handle just in time to roll out of the way as Mika came down over you for a killing strike. Her knife struck the stone, and she growled at you, dark red oozing from her crooked nose, with one hand cradling her face. The vision of bared teeth and blood sent a shock of fear down your spine.
"You littleâ" she screeched, licking the blood off her lips and staining her teeth. "I'm going to have so much fun using your blood and bones for the amulet. Don't worry, it won't hurtâme."
You swore as she came at you again without abandon. She brought her knife down, time and time again, trying to catch you at some point.
Your blade sliced across her cheek, but hers caught you in the side. You felt it break skin, and you had little time to mourn over the sting in your stomach before you were rolling out of the way again.
You scrambled to your feet and with a war cry for encouragement, you charged at her, leaping onto her back and sending her crashing back to the floor. You grabbed the back of her head and smashed it against the floor. "You murdered my sister."
Mika screamed, and she used all of her adrenaline to flip you over onto your back. Bloodied and bruised, she drove her elbow into your gut, sending the wind straight out of your lungs. "The only thing I regretâ" she said, turning over to face you with half her face drooling with blood and her mouth curled into a wicked smile, "âis that she won't be here to watch me skin you half-alive and use your body parts."
She crushed your knife hand under her knee, and you screamed as the pain made you see white. Mika pinned you beneath her weight with her knife raised high above her like an executioner's axe. "Goodbye, Yn. Just know that you had a choice."
You braced yourself for impact, head turned away and eyes screwed shut. At least you would see your sister soon, right? Was that some reprieve?
But the blow never came.
Your eyes fluttered open just in time to see a sword made of living shadows arc up in the air and slice across Mika's neck. Her eyes went wide for a split second, and you choked in horror as her dismembered head hit the floor with a dull thud.
Her headless body fell listlessly to the side. Dead and rigid.
Her blood was splattered all over your face and the stone floor, and you could taste the iron of it on your tongue. You gagged violently, a gross sob ripping out of your mouth.
Changmin stood over you with his jaw clenched, eyes narrowed like daggers, and Bonnie in his grasp. His limbs trembled, his body covered near head to toe in golden ichor and some dark trails of blood from himself. Gold stained his palms and crusted beneath his fingers, and feathers of varying colors stuck out of his hair dampened in sweat and more blood.
The sword clattered to the ground and you startled.
Relief came crashing over you and you attempted to push yourself off the ground, but crumpled under your near shattered wrist.
"Yn," Changmin breathed, collapsing onto his knees before you and crushing your face to his chest. You fell apartâoh god, it was the breaking of a dam. His grip tightened around you, cheek pressed against the top of your head. "Fuck, I thought I lost you. Hey, we'reâshit, we're okay. I got you."
For a moment, you let yourself fall apart against him. All of the fear and adrenaline dissipated into body tremors and tears.
You could feel his grip on you loosen, and you took that as a signal to pull back.
You knew the signs well enough by nowâhow his eyes drooped and fought to stay open, how he swayed with his world tilting on its axis. "Changmin, how much energyâ"
"Had to⊠had to get to you," he slurred. He crumpled, and you struggled to keep him upright with your one good arm. "I don'tâknowâI'll be fine."
The last thing he saw before he blacked out was your face, scrunched in worry, haloed by the lights over your head. Yeah, you were safe now, and so was he.
#15âFOUR LETTER WORDS.
JI CHANGMIN CAME TO GROGGY AND LIGHT-HEADED. For a moment, he wasn't sure where he was, because the last thing he could remember was defeathering an angel prick one stupid bird feather at a time. He made sure each one hurt.
Why? Why had he done it? It wasâit was for information. Information about what? âŠit was⊠it was aboutâyou. He was trying to find where their friend had taken you. Youâ
His eyes shot open and he jolted upright, a groan escaping him at the way his entire body ached.
He collapsed back against the armchair he sat in and took in the room. He didn't recognize it at all. The drapes were too heavy and embroidered with gold flowers, the floor looked too polished and expensive. The couch sectional adjacent to him was made of leather too soft to be the one from Sena's safehouse.
The room was dimmed slightly with only the lamp next to him providing light.
He smacked his lips together as he recognized the taste on his tongue. It was metallic and thick; he'd tasted it before, could name it blindfolded at this point.
Where were you? You'd dripped blood into his mouth while he was out, hadn't you? He didn't remember drinking it orâ
Something rattled when he tried to move his left arm.
He glanced down at his wrist hanging over the side of the armchair to find that he was cuffed to the lamp next to him with a sterling silver necklace. It was made of chunky links, the band twisted in a figure eight with his wrist in one side and the lamp in the other so it would tighten around him every time he tried yanking.
Smart.
He sighed. Great.
The sound of a throat clearing drew his attention away and to the far reaches of the living room. You stood just where the light touched you, one wrist wrapped in something like gauze and Band-Aids littering your face and body.
His chest tugged and lurched painfully at the sight of you. You were so badly hurt when he finally got to you, but he had got to you nonetheless. He had grabbed Bonnie and ran.
"Feeling better?" You asked him.
His voice was scratchy and he coughed. "Yâyeah. Kind of. I'll survive." He could feel his body stitching itself back together. He would definitely survive.
The angel bitches had reignited the pain in his broken ribs before, but it was slowly being mended again. They were all strange sensations.
"You're okay?" He asked, swallowing. He didn't know what he'd do if you weren't. You seemed okay standing so far away. Why had you⊠why had you chained him to the lamp? Why were you so far away?
Your nod was slow and you braided your arms over your chest. He noticed Bonnie leaning up against the wall next to you and the damned pendant still hanging from your neck. Only there was an extra chain beside it with the second half present too, the halves facing away from each other. "For the most part, yes," you said. "Scrounged up some things around the house to tape myself back together. Mentally and emotionally? That's a little different."
He had heard what Mika said to you right before he lopped her head off. "I can imagine. I'm sorry," he murmured. "I don't regret doing that."
"Beheading her?"
"Yeah, that." And he would do it a thousand times over if it meant you would live.
You glanced down at the floor for a moment. "I need you to be honest with me."
He let out a breath. "Okay."
"Why did the demon who attacked me at my apartment call you Your Disgrace?"
Changmin's blood froze over like the lakes in the seventh circle of Hell. Something akin to panic clawed at him from the inside and up his throat, and every instinct of his was telling him to shut down, reel back the drawbridge, and lock the gates.
But this was⊠this was you. You asked him to be honest. There was something in the way you looked at him, the careful mask you'd put on, that told him to fight whatever cowardice was trying to shine through.
He wrestled down another swallow. "My familyâmy father is a Duke of Hell. I'm the youngest of my family, but the only boyâ" Changmin's knee bounced up and down to channel his nervous energy toward something else. "âand I didn't want the responsibility of being his heir or to be associated with any of that. I wanted freedom."
He could still remember the day he decided to run away. It was stupid that he thought he wouldn't get caught.
He bit down on his tongue so hard it bled. "Long story short, my sisters saved me from punishment, and my father did the one thing I wanted him toâdisown me. I was banished from my home and exiled to the mortal realm." He pursed his lips and made a weak, vague gesture.
It wasn't a history he was proud of. For the first few years, it was all he wanted and more. But family was still family, and sometimes it was impossible to fill certain voids. Even for a demon.
Your voice carried across the room, "Did you ever consider trading the amulet to get back in your family's good graces?"
"How did youâ"
"Yes or no."
His shoulder sagged. "Yes."
"Did my sister know?"
"Yes." He hated every single second of this conversation. Every yes he pushed out, he could feel your voice getting colder.
You cocked your head to the side. "Did you know how I related to the function of the amulet?"
"Yes," he said. "But it wasn't until you said it matched your heartbeat at the safehouse."
"And when did you plan to betray me?"
He gripped the arm of his chair. "I didn'tâ"
"Don't lie," you snarled.
His mouth snapped closed and he moved back like a flinch. His eyes shut for a second, before opening again to fixate on you. "I'm not lying," he drawled. "When I opened Sena's parting letter, I dropped any will to trade that thing to beings like my parents. I swear on my immortal life, Yn, I never intended to betray you at any point."
He didn't know how to get through to you. He didn't know how to convince you. Who was he but a creature of evil? He understood why you wouldn't be able to trust anyone, especially after the events of the past week. You were doing the best that you could⊠but fuck, you were so far away.
He'd fucked up.
You were quiet for a moment, and he couldn't read you. When he first met you, he thought he could read your thoughts and emotions like an open book. But now, it was near impossible.
"Okay."
A single word. Who knew four letter words could make him feel like this. "Okay?" He echoed, uncertain. Hope was so dangerous a feeling.
You nodded your head, shoulders lifting and dropping with exhaustion. "Okay," you repeated. "I believe you."
"You believe me? Why?" He asked against his better judgment.
You exhaled. "Well, for starters, you could have killed me like Mika tried to. You could have broken through that chain at any point, but you haven't. It's flimsy as Hell."
He glanced down at the silver chain around his wrist and gave it an experimental yank. It hadn't even occurred to him to break free; he hadn't the reason to. He was safe.
"And second," you continued, drawing his attention again, "you haven't given me any reason to not believe you." He didn't want to mistake the tenderness in your gaze now. Maybe he was seeing things. And it made his chest ache. "There have been so many times where you could have done away with me, but you always came back. For me, and not the necklace. I meanâkeeping the necklace with me was one thing, but maybe I'm just stupidly convincing myself that you care."
Changmin shook his head in earnest. "It's not stupid." I do care.
You scoffed, raising a brow. "I sound like the dumbest person in the world, trusting a demon."
He hung his head for a moment, fighting for the right words. He grappled with himself, desperate and uselessly unable to describe the way he felt toward you because in demonic culture, this thingâthis yank, this gravity he felt toward youâdidn't exist. Demons used, stole, purged, devoured, but never whatever this was. This had to be wholly human.
"Yn," he began, feeling your eyes on him again, "I don't know what it is. And I can't describe it in a way that matters or might matter to you. But I'mâI'm⊠drawn to you." He wished he could shrink under your gaze, to be swallowed by the earth. Dear fuck, the way you pinned him down with that stare like you could see straight into his soul.
Changmin swallowed. "My chest aches, Yn. I don't know what it is, but it aches when I'm around you, and it aches when I'm not. It aches when you laugh, and it aches when you fucking say my name. And Iâ" He blew out a harsh breath, teeth gnawing on the inside of his cheek as he scavenged for the right words. He wanted it to matter because it had to. He wanted it to matter to you as much as it was coming to matter to him.
"I don't know what it is," he said again uselessly. "But I feel like you could just reach into my ribcage and I would let you. I would let you do whatever you want. Even if youâyou wanted to just leave me here. If you would leave content and satisfied, then..." He would watch you go. But he didn't want you to. Please don't leave.
He wondered if he got the message across. He could barely possess half the meaning himself or wrap his head around it.
But he raised his head and watched you limp across the room toward him, his chest stuttering and stumbling the closer you came.
He could see you in the lamplight so much clearer now.
There were scratches all over your body, bandages littering your skin. But your eyes could devour him whole and he would sink forever.
You cupped his face with your good hand, and the organ in his chest flipped. There was a distinct softness to your touch, like the day your hand ghosted over his battered torso on the dock, and the way you tucked your cheek against his shoulder at the motel.
He shuddered, lips trembling.
"I love you, too," you said.
He knew you understood.
You pressed your lips against his, beautiful and perfect. Everything soft and tender he never thought he'd crave for all his life. It all melted into place. You were safe, and so was he.
The passenger side seat dug into your spine and your back molded against it like second nature. The sky was the color of darkened ash sitting at the bottom of a burnt fire pit, and the only light for miles around were the car's headlights. The road was barren, stretching on farther than your eyes could see. The time on the dash read a quarter past three in the morning.
Changmin sat behind the wheel with one hand steering and the other clasped between yours. Your dominant hand was wrapped up in a brace to support your broken wrist bones, and you'd replaced all your bandages with fresh ones. Bonnie was stashed in the back, and Clyde was tucked into your pocket as usual. Neither of you had any more of someone else's blood on your body, but you would feel the effects of the night's events for a while longer.
You were headed back toward Moonstone Creak. It was a place you looked forward to returning to, where Changmin knew you would be safe and happy, and where you knew you could be, too. Once you tied up matters at your old apartment, then matters about moving permanently could be settled.
You were playing it by ear, at this point.
Changmin's thumb ran over the back of your hand, gentle but with purpose. "You should sleep. It's a long way back."
The twin halves of the amulet hung from your neck with an equal, balanced weight. The third piece was tucked into your back pocket. You'd found it stashed among Mika's other accessories in her room. You and Changmin agreed it should be thrown somewhere over the side of a cliff. It needed to be lost and to stay lost.
Maybe you would give the second half to Changmin to wear.
"Why do you like blueberries so much?" You asked him instead of heeding his suggestion, as always. Your mouth opened to yawn, and he passed a sidelong glance at you.
He said, "They were the first thing I ate when I arrived on the mortal plane. They're a reminder of how far I've come."
You turned to him, and he met your gaze for a brief moment. "I didn't expect them to have such sentimental value."
The corner of his mouth curled upward. "That, and they taste good."
You smiled to yourself. "So about Bonnieâ"
"I'm not teaching you."
"Asshole."
"Human."
You gave his shoulder a playful shove across the center console and he fought the grin on his face and lost.
He chuckled. "It was never an insult, by the way."
You settled back in your seat and curled your legs up. Brushing your lips against the back of his knuckles, you heard the breath that fell from his lips. "I know," you murmured.
a/n: i realize that you probably have questions... take it as an excuse to come visit my inbox! if you liked this, pls reblog :] thank you so much for reading mwah
night terrors pt 2 god i love this fic so much
đđđđđ đđđđđđđ â part one (i â vii)
nonidol!ji changmin x f!reader
your sister's dead, but apparently that's not the most shocking news. maybe she wasn't killed on accident, maybe ji changmin isn't really human, and maybe the monsters were never under the bed but all around you...
â· genre, warnings. strangers 2 reluctant allies/friends 2 lovers, slow burn, demon/supernatural creatures au, angst, action, murder mystery-ish au, forced proximity trope, suspense, gore, depictions of violence and blood, themes of death and grief, use/description of weaponry, swearing, a slightly unreliable narrator bc she has no idea what's happening, reader's sister is dead, mentions of stalking, humor bc coping mechanisms, reader has hair long enough to braid sorry, blood drinking, the barest of proofreading and editing done...
â· part word count. 22.3k words / 47.4k - read part two here. read it on ao3 here.
â· associated songs. teeth (5sos), wet nightmare (bibi)
a/n: i tried to make it scary I SWEAR but changmin brings the clown out of me đ€„ anyways i ripped a chunk of my heart out and im serving it to you bloodied on a gold platter, i hope u love her :') read the warnings ofc and lmk your thoughts <3 also i completely gave up on wrestling w blr so im dropping it in two parts, but both of them at once đ€Ł pray for me.
#1âNEXT OF KIN.
THEY TOLD YOU YOUR SISTER'S DEATH WAS AN ACCIDENT, they being the authorities who had shown up at the front door of your apartment with their caps in hand, solemn faces pressed into lines that you could not read between. The world had fallen out from beneath your feet like someone had just yanked the carpet out, and you hadn't yet stopped falling.
The funeral was set on the rolling green hills of Elysium Memorial Park, the cemetery where your parents were buried, where your grandparents were buried, and now, where your sister joined them six feet under. Generations ago, your grandparents had purchased plots for themselves and their future family members while the land was cheap. When it came for your time to leave this mortal coil behind, you too would join them in the dirt of Elysium. It almost seemed right that the sky had opened up to reveal a blindingly hot sun, not a cloud to be seen in the sky. Perhaps the sky would not weep for your sister, but celebrate her life instead.
But while the heavens above would shed nary a tear, you could make up for that loss yourself. Having little to no living relatives left, you had been expected to take responsibility for all the arrangements, all while grieving, all while studying, all while trying to not fall apart some more. You were holding it together by the zipper of your dress pants and the caffeine from your coffee. You couldn't stop crying for the entire service, the forced silence of your cries balanced by the violent tremors in your shoulders.
Your sister Sena's patch in the land was now marked by a heaping pile of dirt. She had a lot of friendsâmost of whom gathered behind you and had thrown their flowers upon the dirt hill. You had a few distant relatives as well who you'd managed to remember (somehow) amongst all the madness. A couple of them were able to fly out for the event, but most had to decline.
When you heard your name being called, you drew your blazer sleeve over your eyes in a futile attempt to dry them.
Walking towards you now was a couple, middle-aged, dressed in black from head to toe, not far from how you looked right now. You knew them from about a week ago when they had sought you out after the news of your sister's death spread.
You hadn't the heart to sue them when they confessed who they were. It's our fault, they told you in the quiet of the hallway outside your apartment, we're so sorry. We understand if you'd like to press charges.
Sena was a victim of an automobile accident. You didn't know the entire storyâwas too tired for the whole storyâjust shocked she was even in the country. She was supposed to be across the world for a study abroad program, but why was she discovered on the side of the road, a few towns over, inebriated and dead? She became nothing more than roadkill and a statistic in death, and maybe that was why you were so bitter.
"Yn, it was a beautiful ceremony," said the womanâJulia, she had introduced herself as that week ago. Her nose was reddened from the friction of tissue paper, her eyes damp and glittering in the sunlight. "I'm sorry youâthat you have to deal with all the pomp and circumstance."
"We know you deserve your time alone," joined her husband, Carter. He tucked his hands into his pockets, mustering up a smile for your sake, but you could still see the guilt flooding his eyes with water. "We just wanted to say thank you for letting us come and pay our respects."
And for not pressing charges. But you dashed that thought away. That was the bitterness talking, but these were good people. They had come forward and been honest, and it wasn't their fault Sena was drunk. (Why in the world was she drunk and here and why didn't she tell you the truthâ?)
"Thank you for coming," you replied, "I wasn't sure if you would take me up on the offer, to be honest."
You wrapped up conversation with the couple and watched them depart across the grassy hills toward their car. Your eyes surveyed the last bits of the lingering crowd for familiar facesâanyone at all. But all you found were strangers.
These were all Sena's friends, after all. She had always been the more adventurous of the two of you.
You sighed and resigned yourself to start looking for the funeral coordinator to discuss payment and the like. Though the event was over the worst was just beginning. There was so much to do, and so little energy left to perform them.
But as you began trudging through the plush grass toward the far end of the plot, you noticed a man standing beneath the shade of a nearby oak tree. He wore typical funeral attireâthe black dress shirt, pants, shoes, and even a pair of rectangular shades to cover his eyes. Like many of the others, you didn't recognize himâat first.
And then he shifted, lenses of his glasses reflecting sunlight and you could just barely put together the puzzle of his face and his identity. Ji Changmin.
What was he doing here?
They were friends, too, Yn, you reminded yourself. Yet, you weren't sure why you were so surprised he was here. Maybe it was because you never remembered extending the invitation to him (but someone could have spread the news by word of mouth). Maybe it was because several months had passed since you last saw him. Maybe it was because you always thought there was something⊠strange about him (but that could have been your bias; there was always this thing about him that irked you). Either way, you never had anything to say to him before, and that had yet to change even in light of your sister's death.
The two of you stared each other down, and for a moment, you believed he was going to walk over to you.
But instead, he pushed off the tree trunk and made his way toward the trickle of funeral goers up the hill, leaving you to wonder after him.
The next time you saw Ji Changmin was a week after the will reading.
Because you were Sena's next of kin, you were contacted by your shared attorney about Sena's will. Apparently, she had a will. After all these years, you couldn't even fathom the idea of needing one so early, but for some reason, she had. (Maybe that worried you a little more.)
The strangest thing was that your attorney had delivered to you a flat lockbox made of steel and secured with an old fashioned lock and key. Along with the stash of money in her savings account (where the Hell had all of that come from anyway?), Sena also gave you that. Whatever it was.
You had yet to open it when you bumped into Changmin on your way out of your college's academic counseling center. With recent events, your departmental advisor called you in to discuss your academic plans for the foreseeable future.
You can take as long as you like, Yn, she'd said to you. You're already ahead of schedule to graduate anyways. But that wasn't the point was it?â
"Oh." You stopped short as you rounded the corner and nearly crashed into something. "Sorry," you said before you even recognized him.
A pair of dark, feline eyes looked you up and down. "Yn, right?" Changmin drawled. A pair of white wired earbuds hung from his ears and his shoulders were fitted with a dark colored bomber jacket that was familiar to you. You'd seen it draped over the back of one of your kitchen chairs once when Sena had him over for a project.
Your eyes shuttered. "Yeah. Changmin?"
His nod was barely there. He cocked his head to the side in a way that felt like he was trying to gaze into your soul. "I'mâI'm sorry for your loss," he said, grappling for the right words. "Sena was a good friend."
"I didn't realize the two of you were so close," you told him. This was probably the most he'd ever said to your face, and you to him.
Changmin gave a small shrug. "We worked closely together, so it was kind of inevitable. How are you doing?"
You didn't think the conversation would last this long. "Oh, uhm, I'm fine." You inwardly knocked yourself over the head. He's probably just trying to be nice, Yn. "I meanâ" you amended, "âI'm doing as well as you can imagine, I guess. Just lots of legal stuff andâŠ" Her room. Cleaning out her room. Opening the lockbox. Reading her last will and testament for the fiftieth time.
When you didn't finish your sentence right away, he nodded again, shuffling on the balls of his feet. Was he feeling as awkward as you were? "I get that. Hey, if youây'know, like, need anythingâ"
"You don't have to do that."
"What about coffee? Just⊠to talk."
Coffee? You considered him for a second. Before, you nor he had ever given any indication to the other that you acknowledged the other's presence. In fact, you confessed to Sena once that he intimidated you, even if he was just sitting there in your shared living room while pouring over JSTOR academic essays.
He was patient, you realized. Then you relented. "Okay. When's good for you?"
You thought you saw a glimmer of relief in his eyes, but that could have just been the afternoon sunlight. "Now?"
Your eyes widened a smidge, and you coughed. "Uhm now? IâI have classâŠ?" You didn't, but the curve ball that was an impromptu coffee session with Ji Changmin wasn't something you needed right now.
His eyebrow lifted as if he didn't believe you. "Okay," he dragged out. "Tomorrow morning?" He offered as a counter.
Your brain did cartwheels in an attempt to figure out if you would have the willpower to do that. "Okay," you said. Better to get this out of the way, right?
"Do you know that one place on Magnolia?"
"The one across from the Eight Ball?" You perked up in recognition. You and Sena used to go all the time. The two of you liked to say that Magnolia was her street because it housed all her favorite places; just the thought of taking a stroll down it made your eyes water. "Yeah, Sena and I used to go all the time."
Changmin paused, his mouth opening, then closing.
You guessed what he was thinking. "It's fine if we go. I'm not gonna like, burst into tears or anything," you chuckled awkwardly, clearing your throat when excess tear fluid made you congested.
His lips pursed, impressing a dimple into his cheek. "Okay, only if you're sure."
"Yeah, I'm sure." It seemed that everything you said to people was something like a lie nowadays.
It was late when you finally faced the lockbox.
The box was an unassuming hunk of metal, flat and slim and no bigger than a standard piece of paper. You warmed the key in your palm until it was hot to the touch and made your skin redden. The sky outside your apartment window had darkened to a blot of ink, the white shutters drawn shut to create a white paneled shield. You just finished up a very lazy dinner, washed up, and decided to confront the last thing on Sena's will.
The lockbox in the bank under my name goes to my sister, Yn Ln. She is the only one allowed access to it until she opens it; what she decides to do with the contents is her choice.
There must have been something important inside it, you reasoned, otherwise it wouldn't have been a part of the will and it wouldn't be under lock and a single key.
"What is this, Sena?" You asked aloud, venturing to twist the lock open with the key. The locking mechanism gave way, and you set the lock and key aside. The shorter end could slide open like a hidden door, and you peered into the dark depths, almost afraid of what you might find between its jaws.
You could make out the silhouettes of shapes at the bottom, the soft-cornered texture of a wad of bills. You reached in.
One of the things she had left for you in her will was all of the money in her savings account. It had shocked you to see the numberâyou always thought her only job was at the library, but clearly, she was not just on a librarian's salary.
Pulling out a stack of cash from the box was yet another thing that helped solidify in your mind that something was off. The confusion settled first, and then the betrayal. Had she not trusted you with this knowledge while she was alive? You were the one going into accounting and finance, and yet, she hid all of this money from you? Was she afraid of something? Afraid of judgment, of the law?
You tossed the twenties onto the table. The note slipped between the rubber band and the first piece read something along the lines of 'in case of emergency.'
You made a plunge into the box again. This time, you pulled out the last two things at the bottom, a standard white index card and a small, fabric pouch. The card displayed Sena's familiar scrawl:
You're probably wondering what any of this is, but if you're reading this, it means that something's gone wrongâlike really wrong. The necklace in the pouch is super important. DON'T TAKE IT OFF. Don't let anyone touch it before you do. Don't trust anyone. This is really important to me, Yn. Please be safe; I love you.
x, sena.
Please be safe? Safe from who or what?
You held the note in your hand for a moment and couldn't believe this would be the last thing you received from her. It would be a tangible legacy, in a way, and you weren't sure how to feel about that. You moved the note to the table and turned your attention to the pouch.
You carefully tugged it open. She said it was a necklace, right?
"Oh," you voiced aloud while fishing out a thin, silver chain.
There was a pendant attached to the end with some heft to it. It was a deep, bloody red in the loose shape of a teardrop. There wasn't a sharp peak, but a slightly flat end on one side and a rounded end on the other. You would guess it was some kind of precious stone, but when you stared at it long enough, it looked like the color pulsed⊠like a heartbeat.
Your breath hitched.
Eyes narrowed, you held it up to the light by the chain. The vibrant red remained stagnantâperhaps you were just tired.
Don't let anyone touch it before you do. Don't take it off. Don't trust anyone.
Strange request about a necklace. For a moment, you wondered if your sister had indulged in some unsavory acts to achieve the numbers in her bank account and the previous stone in your hands. If you put this on, would you be counted as an accomplice to robbery?
"God, you just need to go to sleep, Yn," you muttered, swiftly clicking the chain into place around your neck. There was no way your sister would have anything to do withâ
You froze.
From the other side of your shutters, you swore you heard the sound of shuffling. It wasn't unheard-of that the leaves and tree branches knocked against your second-floor window once in a while, but there hadn't been much wind as of late.
A chill spider-crawled up your spine as you strained your ears to hear more.
When you came up with nothing, you shoved the pendant under your shirt and cleaned up the lockbox. You had an early day tomorrow, after all; sleep was dire to face Changmin.
But as you crept into bed, you couldn't help but feel as if the stone on your sternum did have a heartbeat, and that something in the dark was watching you.
#2âGHOSTS ONLY HAUNT.
YOU STEPPED FOOT ON MAGNOLIA STREET looking for signs of your sister.
The morning air was a little cooler as spring filtered into town, and it also meant that this street in particular would begin to swirl with baby pink petals from the trees of the street's namesake flowers. There weren't many people around on a Thursday morning, but the sun peered between the buildings to say hello, at least.
You were in good company.
"Hey."
"Holy shitâ" you whipped around to find Changmin almost right behind you. Your heart stuttered against your ribcage, your hand flying to your sternum where the necklace was. You were still getting used to its presence.
He gave nothing away with his facial expression. Damn him.
"I didn't realize you'd be early," you breathed as you tried to get a grip on yourself. Did this guy just materialize out of thin air everywhere?
Tongue in cheek, he said, "Well, I couldn't really sleep, so I figured the morning air might freshen me up a bit. Shall we?" He gestured with his elbow and chin to the establishment to your right.
There sat the quaint, little coffee shop you'd both agreed on yesterday. This one was one of Sena's favorites. She always claimed that their blueberry scones were the best in the world.
When you didn't say anything for a little, he cleared his throat. "We don't have to, if you can't or don't want to."
You hadn't even realized you were being quiet. Thoughts had been muddled as of late. You cleared your throat and stumbled for the door. "No, we can go in."
Two cups of coffee arrived at your table seven minutes later in compostable cups and a pile of artificial sweetener packets and creamer. You straightened in your seat across from Changmin and began ripping open sweetener packets and wondering if you should have gotten something of substance to eat. (You had stared at the blueberry scones for a long minute before deciding that today was not the day you wanted to cry in front of someone, especially this someone in particular.)
Changmin moved his cup toward his side of the table but made no move to add sugar or cream, or to even drink it.
This place was so familiar to you that you knew exactly how many packets of cream and sweetener to mix in, and you gently blew a breath over the steam floating off the surface. When the liquid hit your tongue and your throat, its warmth enveloped your nerves in a warm embrace, assuring you everything was going to be okay. The emotion hit you like a freight train.
You pressed your thumb against the rear gland in your right eye and willed it away. "So uhm," you said, fanning your eyes gently as you attempted to pull yourself together in front of him, "what⊠what did you wanna talk about? If there was anything?"
He folded his arms over his chest while leaning back in his chair, and you thought you saw his gaze soften. "Why don't you take another sip?" His eyes went to the coffee. "It'll help."
You couldn't deny that suggestion, and you reached for your cup to take another small gulp. The breath you let out rattled.
This was a bad idea.
"Are you gonna be okay if I talk about Sena?"
You nursed the coffee cup in your hands and nodded slowly.
He eyed you for a moment, then relented. "Did she happen to leave anything that was marked for me? Before theâthe accident, she said there was something she needed to tell me."
Something she needed to tell him? You racked your brain, eyes drilling into the wood grain of the coffee table between you two. The will hadn't mentioned anyone else but you. And all of the letters or notes from Sena that were given to you were all for you; the attorney would have handled the rest and mailed them off to anyone else she'd written something for.
You narrowed your eyes at him. "No, I can't think of anything. You say you were expecting something?"
The resolve in his eyes steeled over, and that little bit of softness you'd seen before disappeared as if it had never been there in the first place. You couldn't read him anymore. "Yes, I have her texts."
He fished out his phone from his pocket and you pursed your lips as he maneuvered to a screen of his and your sister's last messages to each other:
sena: i think i'm going back home soon, so i'll c u then changmin: okay that's fine changmin: wait ur still over there?? i thought u left already? sena: had to talk to someone abt the thing, but it was a dead end sena: just remind me that i have something to tell u changmin: what? sena: it'll be better if i said this in person
That was all Changmin let you see.
You leaned away from his phone, head reeling more from the fact that he knew she had been out of town and knew where she was and why she was there. Never mind the fact that apparently, Sena was holding onto important information for Changmin. You couldn't care less about that.
You supposed the texts were for him to prove to you he was telling you the truth. It wasn't like you weren't telling the truth either.
"Why was Sena out of town?" You asked him. "Did she ever go on any of those study abroad trips?"
Changmin paused, then something flickered in his eyes. "I think I showed you too much."
"I think you showed me too little."
"Yn, did she tell you anything about what she needed to tell me?"
You were going to push against him for your own agenda again, but the slight pressure in his tone made you think twice. There was something urgent in his words, his expression, his body language. You couldn't tell what it was, but something about this had to have been important.
Absentmindedly, your hand rubbed the area where the pendant sat on your chest beneath the collar of your shirt, and his eyes followed for a moment before flickering back up to your eyes. "No," you told him quietly. "She didn't tell me anything."
He must have believed you, because defeat shuddered across his face, and he said goodbye to leave. He didn't even take his coffee with him. Asshole.
You told yourself it would be months before you could bring yourself to go through Sena's things, but after this morning's run-in with Changmin (because it wasn't even a session; you could hardly call it anything but a run-in because it lasted maybe ten minutes), you were determined to unlock her door and do some digging. Clearly, she was hiding more than her money and jewelry(?) from you.
Changmin⊠he completely ignored your questions confronting him about Sena's whereabouts and her purpose for traveling. You were getting more and more suspicious as to what your sister had been up to lately. Changmin had to be in on it, too, then. He had to be.
Sena's door took up your entire vision as you stood before it with the key in your hand.
You weren't entirely sure what you were expecting when you opened it, but it was as if she had never left. Everything was where she left itâplum-purple covers tucked beneath the mattress, vintage national park postcards hanging from fairy lights by wooden clothespins, jackets layered over the back of her desk chair. There was an empty mug on her desk with the remnants of a red lip tint on the edge, and you knew you weren't going to remember to take it out to the sink later.
The small shelf-nightstand hybrid next to her bed was filled to the brim with books and notebooks and magazines. You settled gingerly upon the edge of her bed, palms pressing against the comforter.
The room still smelled like your sister.
You took the small bottle of perfume on the nightstand and spritzed a little onto your wrist. You pressed it to your nose, letting the scent make your senses woozy. It wouldn't bring her back; it didn't smell exactly the same when it was on your skin.
You set the bottle back onto the nightstand, then lowered yourself to your knees to pull all of the books off the top shelf. You stuck your head into the empty cupboardâyou weren't really sure what you were looking for.
All of the titles here were the normal things you remembered seeing her read: assorted mythologies, books on the occult and supernatural, her textbooks for anthropology and archeology. There were about a dozen and a half National Geographic magazines that you flipped through within the next two hours, as well, all of which turned up nothing of curiosity.
None of the bound books were notebooks of any kind.
You crawled over to her deskârifled through those. Nothing. They were all school related and completely, utterly ordinary.
Disappointment weighed you down into her desk chair as you hit another dead end.
Was there nothing she could give you?
No, she's dead, you thought to yourself. You'd never known Sena to be a secretive person, especially with youâin fact, you were the quieter of the pair, and she always managed to coax the right things out of you.
Sometimes you had felt like the older sister because you handled so many of the logistics and practical things, but when the world became too scary, you could always count on running to her to feel safe againâŠ
Safe.
Sena, were you ever safe? You were beginning to think not so much.
"Do I need to file for a restraining order?"
It was getting ridiculous how many times you ran into Changmin in the past two weeks. It was outside the advising office, on your way to the store, in the hallway outside your finance lecture. And now, he loitered in the lobby of your apartment complex with a wired earbud in one ear and the other dangling freely.
He seemed to be unfazed by your remark as he peered over at you from beneath the brim of his cap. "What if I just live here?"
"But you don't," you huffed, coming to stop right in front of him. You had a feeling you would have definitely known if he moved into this building. "What do you want from me, Changmin? I'm not going to magically lead you to my sister's secret stash of whatever. I just want to get to class."
"Then go to class," he said simply. He gestured with the phone in his hand toward the door. "I'm not here for you."
You narrowed your eyes at him. Perhaps you were being a little silly, and this was just some weird trick your brain was playing on you to make you notice him more. "Answer me something."
"Only if you answer something for me."
"This isn't a negotiation."
"Worth a shot," he said with a sigh. "What shall I answer for you?"
"You and my sister weren't dating, were you?"
He must have choked on his own spit because he coughed, furiously thumping his chest. You would have laughed if this was any other circumstance, and if you and Changmin were friends (but you weren't). He shook his head at you. "No. Your sister wasn't interested in me like that and neither was I. We were strictly colleagues."
You cocked your head to the side. Colleagues⊠you let that marinate. "Okay, so did she have anyone she was seeing then? Just out of curiosity." A former lover you didn't know about would make sense, something like a Bonnie and Clyde situation maybe. Or perhaps you were chasing after ghosts to get a glimpse into the past.
"Someone I suspect, but I don't have their contact," he replied, mimicking your head tilt and narrowed eyes. "If you had her phoneâ"
"I don't."
"Ah, a shame then."
"Do you?"
"And why would I withhold such an important item from the next of kin?" He drawled.
Changmin suddenly jolted upright from the relaxed position he stood in. It was so abrupt, it gave your heart a start. "That's my cue."
You followed after him out the front doors. "What cue? Did you hear your microwave go off or something?"
You swore to God you saw his mouth curl up in amusement. But it might have been just your imagination. He yanked his other earbud out and lifted a hand in goodbye. "Something like that! See you around."
He disappeared around the corner before you could follow after him. Plus, you really did have a lecture to get to. (Wait, did he say that she was seeing someoneâ?)
You sighed, wondering if you should follow him⊠something in the back of your mind told you it would be safer not to.
#3âMONSTERS AMONG MEN.
YOU SWORE JI CHANGMIN HAD TO BE a psychic with the amount of times he predicted your whereabouts. Every time you saw him in your vicinity, you and he shared either a verbal sparring match or stared one another down. He seemed amused by it; you were growing increasingly concerned, even if it was all just coincidence.
(There was this one time, on a Wednesday this past week, where you were the one who appeared at the anthropology department to see one of Sena's old professors. Changmin was there, as it was his major's headquarters, and shot you a curious glance. The meeting was innocent and an accident. No, you definitely weren't stalking him. Absolutely not.)
(It was interesting to consider whether both of you thought the other would lead you to something of Sena's. You were certain he knew more than he let on, and perhaps he thought the same of you⊠Shit, maybe you should invest in a taser.)
Additionally, the weird sounds around your apartment had increased. Sometimes when you walked around in the evenings, the hair on the back of your neck and your arms stood at attention, as if you could feel the gaze of someone or⊠something watching you. However, every time you turned to look, the crazier you were convinced you'd become.
It didn't help that the necklace Sena left for you kept mimicking your heart beat when you weren't paying attention. If you willed it to repeat the steady beat in the light so you could observe it up close, it would cease.
It was as if distance from your skin or touch left it without a heart to echo.
You were half certain you were losing your mind. It had to be all this stress and emotion overwhelming you.
Saturday morning, you decided to pick yourself up and go see your sister. The funeral home had called you earlier this week to say that her headstone was complete, so this would also serve as a trip to ensure everything was engraved correctly before it was placed over her grave. You dressed yourself up in a dark top and comfortable jeans, something you might be able to sit in on the grass as you lingered in her presence, even if she was dead.
Ever since you went through her things, you hadn't ventured into her room again. You thought it might preserve the way it looked, smelled, felt⊠preserve something of her.
Once you'd gone to the funeral parlor and management center at Elysium Memorial Park to confirm the engraving, you took a brisk walk up the hill to where you remembered Sena's plot to be. The sun peered out between clouds this morning, giving the sky a dual-toned appearance, one half a dark gray, and the other a gossamer yellow.
You started down the hill, head ducked to watch for any graves or hills so you didn't trample over other people's bodies. A bundle of flowers from the grocery store sat cradled in the crook of your armâa bundle of pink carnations ("I'll never forget you") and dark crimson roses (mourning). You didn't often pay attention to the meaning of flowers, but you thought if you weren't able to choke anything out today, then at least they could speak for you.
Just as you neared the grave between oaks, you lifted your head, your footsteps slowing at the person who stood over your sister's grave. "You have got to be shitting me."
"Isn't it a sin to curse over someone's grave?" Changmin asked as you stopped short of where he was. There was a single stem of sunflower (adoration) seated at his feet on the bundle of earth that was Sena's resting place. "Well, I wouldn't know. That's not my expertise."
"What are you doing here?"
He gave a loose gesture with a flourished hand. "Visiting a friend. Don't leave on my account. She's your sister."
It was as if he could read your mind. You didn't count on anyone being here when you saw her, but he had a right to visit her, too. The bitterness seeping into your bones would have to be squandered for today; the universe just needed to stop making the two of you bump into each other.
You ignored the quickening pitter-patter of your heart and the necklace, and trudged over the grass to where he was.
You gently placed your bundle of flowers next to his, then straightened to stand beside him. The two of you stared at the patch in the ground in silence.
A frown etched itself onto his face, along with a crease between his brows. He seemed almost angryâat what, you couldn't tell. Not you, you hoped.
Quietly, you lowered yourself to the grass to sit down and be closer to her.
I miss you, you voiced into your head, as if you could transmit these thoughts to the dead body in the ground. I'm so⊠it's too much, Sena. I can't do this. I don't know what you want from me, I don't know what Changmin wants from me. The apartment is cold. Why didn't you tell me you were home all this time?
For the moment, you let your vision blur with tears.
You covered your mouth with your palm to dam the emotion inside, especially with someone else right next to you, but dignity be so fucking damned. Your body trembled with the weight of everything and beyondâyou were Atlas carrying the world upon his shoulders. Pressure mounted in your cranium from how hard and freely you sobbed, your fingers pressed to your face to support your head as your tears wet the earth beneath you.
A presence lowered itself to the ground beside you, and Changmin remained politely quiet. He breathed in deeply, but you heard the slight tremble of his breath when he exhaled.
Maybe you were crying for the both of you.
After what seemed like eons, you sniffled, pawing at your puffy and reddened eyes with the sleeves of your shirt. You hadn't brought along any tissues or anything, an oversight.
You gathered your wits about you and clambered to your feet, your knees knocking together like a baby deer. Changmin still had his eyes pinned to the ground.
"Whatever the Hell you want from me," you told him hoarsely, "I don't care. Just leave me alone."
You watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. Without another word, you walked away to head back to the bus stop.
Your skin prickled when you returned home. The air was oddly⊠off, and a strange smell lingered in the air. It was subtle, only becoming apparent to you with deep, focused inhales. The identity of the smell eluded you and it wasn't something you were familiar with.
You kicked the front door shut behind you, and noticed that the window was ajar. Had you accidentally left that open before you left?
Strange.
You padded across the room to peer out at the street below. There sat the usual tree that occupied the space in front of your window, the one that you assumed (hoped) was the thing making all of the noises outside the past few weeks. (Because if it wasn't that, you didn't want to know what it really was.)
The thought occurred to you that you might have opened the window before you left to air out whatever smell had crept through the air vents. Yes, that made a whole lot of sense.
Settling with that explanation, you cranked the window closed slightly, only leaving a sliver so you could muffle as much of the sounds outside as possible. This part of town wasn't the noisiest, luckily, but when there were vehicles that drove by, they tended to be loud for no reason.
You sighed, settling down onto your couch with your bag. The whole rest of your day was open, and the only thing you had thought of was to go see Sena.
The feeling of eyes on you loitered on your skin like an invisible ant crawling over your body somewhere. You swiped at your neck, rubbed your arm⊠you couldn't identify it when you swung around to observe your own home.
This was your home, wasn't it? Why did it feel like you weren't alone in it?
You were going to go close the windowâ
A shadow appeared on the ledge of your window sill and you let out a scream.
The mass gnarled its teeth at the sound, pouncing at you with claws and fangs that glinted in the daylight.
You scrambled backward on the couch, toward the opposite end, your heart throwing itself up against your ribcage. "What the fuck?" You breathed, trying to figure out what in the world it was.
Bad idea. Oh, baaaad. Bad. Bad. Bad idea.
You shouldn't have stared so long; then you wouldn't have realized it had multiple rows of teeth, a face pale as a full moon, and two beady eyes narrowed into slits. Saliva dripped from its maw and down its chin as it crawled on its haunches and arms to you.
It made a guttural noise, then lunged.
You swore and fell over the arm of the couch, dragging along the lamp on the side table. You tried to move your right leg off the armâit didn't budge. Oh god, it had its claws in your pant legâ
"Mine," it snarled, surprisingly sentient. "Master wills it so."
You kicked it in its face and managed to scramble away, clutching the lamp in front of your body as a weapon.
It ran after you, and your body leapt into instinct.
You nearly slipped as you fumbled to your feet and tipped the coffee table over the creature. "What the fuck are youâSHIT."
Wood splinters exploded as the creature smashed clear through one of the legs and went careening for you.
"HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE," you begged, running for the kitchen and the block of knives in your sight.
Your knees hit the wood floor with a vengeance, and you had no time to mourn over bruised knees. You twisted around and just barely shoved the lamp between its jaws before it could enclose them around your neckâ
Somebody pounded on your front door. "YN? YN!"
Familiarâthat was all that went through your head. "HELP ME," you screeched, your hands growing slippery from the slobber. Desperation filled your veins and you gave a violent shove.
Your front door bursted open, the handle banging against the opposite wall and leaving a dent.
Changmin charged into the room with a dark look in his eyes, a swear on his tongue. "You're the little weasel who's been fucking with me."
The creature shifted his attention to Changmin. "Your Disgrace," it gave a mocking bow.
That seemed to be his ticker.
You couldn't comprehend what happenedâonly an exchange of blows, a blur of body massâChangmin brawled with the creature on your floor and you dragged yourself behind the kitchen counter to hide. You reached for a knife from the knife block up above and pulled your knees to your chest, the sounds of snarling and wood breaking and bones crackingâthenâcomplete silence.
You slapped a palm over your mouth, eyes going toward the ceiling to pray to anyone who could hear you.
This was when you died. The creature had killed Changmin and now it was coming back to finish what it started.
You held your breath with your eyes wide open. You strained your ears. The sound of a sigh met your ears, one that was oh-so familiar to you.
"Shit," came Changmin's voice. "Yn. Yn? Yn, where�"
He rounded the counter, his hair sticking up in different directions and a large tear at the top of his shirt, but other than that, he seemed no worse for wear. He eyed the knife pointed outward at him, and he showed you his palms as if placating a rattlesnake. "Woah, hey, it's okay. It's gone now."
Your body trembled from head to toe with all of the pent up fear and adrenaline. You shook your head, your hand still clapped over your mouth to keep your screams or cries in.
Changmin lowered himself to your level slowly. "Hey, I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise, it's gone and you're okay now. Let's put the knife down."
You slowly, slowly brought your extended hand down, letting the blade point toward the ground and away from the man in front of you. "Whatâ" you choked, "âwhat wasâwho areâ"
His facial features arranged into something short of stress. "It's a long storyâŠ" He roughed a hand through his bangs. "That thing back there? Yn, that was a demon."
You blinked.
He exhaled sharply. "I'm a demon."
"Don't fuck with me."
"You think I'm fucking with you?"
Your free hand clutched at the pendant around your neck. "Youâyou don't look like that thing though."
He gave a nod. "Right, I don't. I'm⊠a different kind of demon." When you remained quiet, he prodded, "You're not going to fight back? You're not gonna tell me you're going crazy?"
"Oh, I know I'm going crazy," you nodded vigorously, wiping away the snot that dribbled down your nose inelegantly. He reached over the counter to grab the roll of paper towels and slide it over to you in an act of (rare) kindness. Your head made contact with the cabinet behind you. "Is the carcass lying on my living room floor, Changmin? Tell me it is not lying on my living room floor."
"It's not."
"Then where the fuck is it?"
He licked his lips, closing his eyes. "It escaped."
"Out the window?"
"No, through a portalâ"
You wheezed, and you were sure you looked half mad to him. "Oh my god, I really am off my rocker." A portal. A portal! Of course it was a portal.
He pinned you with a look. "Yn. Yn, listen to me. You're not safe here."
"No shit. I almost died two minutes ago." You saw his unimpressed expression and forced an apology out of your mouth. "Sorry. Humor is a coping mechanism. You can't just tell me demons exist without me thinking we've both gone absolutely insane."
Changmin settled into a more comfortable position on the floor, gripping onto the edge of the counter behind his head. "Yeah, your sister reacted similarly when she found out."
Everything came to a screeching halt.
"What?"
He stuck his tongue in his cheek. "Supernatural creatures exist. The ones that you read about in books and in myths and legends, and watch in silly movies and TV shows?" He gestured wide with both his arms. "They existâwe exist."
You could hear your heartbeat thundering in your ears. You swallowed. "And she⊠she knew this?"
A nod. "Yes. We've all been walking among you this whole time."
"What does this have to do with Sena?" What did any of this have to do with your sister? Was this even worse than you imagined it was?
He pursed his lips, exposing the little mole beneath his bottom lip for a moment. "Sena and I were⊠business partners. We were in the bounty hunting business, essentially."
There were words coming out of his mouth, but it was too much. All of it hit your head and fell straight to the floor, and none of it truly sank into your sense of reality.
Sena was a supernatural bounty hunter? And she died while on a case. A personal one, he saidâ?
"âI was coming over to show you something when I felt my trap get triggered."
"Wait, wait, wait," you cut in. "Trap?"
"I've been hunting that demon for weeks now," he explained to you, but the words were coming out slowly like he was reluctant to let them go. "It's been⊠avoiding me, and I tracked it to your apartment and realized what, or who, it was after." His teeth ran over his bottom lip and his eyes narrowed on you. "You're wearing it, aren't you? The pendant?"
On instinct, your hand shot up to your sternum. "How the Hellâ"
"That's what Sena and I were looking for." His sharp, feline gaze remained pinned on you as you slowly lifted the chain to take the pendant out. It glistened like a fat, red ruby in the daylight. "What did she tell you about it?"
"Absolutely nothing," you said plainly. You set the knife on the ground beside you and adjusted your sitting position with a shaky exhale. "Except that I shouldn't let anyone touch it before me, that I shouldn't take it off, and to notâtrust anyone."
You stiffened when Changmin reached for something in his back pocket.
"Relax, this is what I wanted to show you." He held his hands up after retrieving a cream-colored envelope from his back pocket, majorly bent and crumpled in some portions, but intact for the most part. He slid the envelope across the kitchen floor to you, and you immediately recognized your sister's handwriting.
You gingerly picked it up off the ground and inspected it. It couldn't have been forgedâthe way she wrote her R's were too distinct. She was so weird about always writing capital R's even if it was supposed to be lowercase.
You opened the flap and tugged out the letter inside. As you made your way down the note, it came to you that this was his evidence. This was his evidence that Sena knew him personally and that, according to past-Sena, you could trust him.
Your fingers shook as you pushed the letter back into the fold, and you shoved the envelope back over to him. "Okay," you muttered. "What now?"
Something akin to relief washed over his face. "She didn't tell you anything about the pendant? Nothing?"
You shook your head, fondling the stone between your fingers. "No. I found it in the lockbox she left for me with cash and a small note."
"Lockbox?" He perked up. "Are you certain there wasn't anything else in there? Not a second stone or a second necklace? Nothing?"
Your eyebrows furrowed in thought, and you pressed your thumb and forefinger to your closed eyes when they began to sting from dehydration. "No. It was just those three things I mentioned earlier. Why?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," you said. "I am absolutely sure. You don't think I turned that thing upside down?"
Changmin stood up and began to pace around his side of the kitchen, his head buried in his two palms. "Oh fuck," you heard his muttered swear.
"What is it?"
He rubbed his hands down his face, and it reset him to that careful blankness from before. "Do you trust me?"
"No," came your automatic answer.
He rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Your sister was after something important before she died. Sheâshe was supposed to update me about it when she got back, but she never did." He carded a hand through his hair again. "It could reveal to us more about what happened. Didn't she mention anything about how important this was?"
He wasn't wrong, unfortunately. Sena wrote it plainly in her final note to you about how important this necklace was, and keeping it with you. You supposed you could dash out any thought that she stole this from a bank or jewelry store⊠a mortal one, at least.
What the fuck was this thing made of?
You enclosed your fist around the stone. "So what are you saying?"
"We need to finish what she started." He considered something for a moment, then added, "And you're not safe here."
Something panged in your chest. "I'm not teaming up with you."
Changmin took a couple steps toward you and from this distance, there was an unmistakable ferocity in his gaze. "I would agree with you, but unfortunately, if I want answers and the pendant, then I'm stuck with you."
Your blood pressure spiked. "You're such an ass."
"Ass or not," he drawled, "you can stay here and risk that cretin coming back for you, or you can come with me, and we can figure out what the Hell happened to your sister."
Your bones, your jointsâeverything ached as you clambered to your feet. God, you were tired. A grave sort of determination trickled into your mind, though, at the thought of getting away from this. It didn't seem like there was much other choice anyway.
#4âSURVIVE THE NIGHT.
IT WAS LATE WHEN THE CAR pulled into the motel parking lot. Your ass was on fire from the long drive, and your mind hazy from sleep deprivation. Fear kept you awake for the entirety of the eight hour trek between home and nowhere. You would have worried about Changmin in the driver's seat, but considering you found out he was a supernatural being literally eight hours ago, your worries consoled themselves.
"This was the best out of the selection," he murmured, barely audibly, as he put the car in park. The glow from the motel lights was the only light for miles, and the red-violet from the neon sign washed over Changmin's sharp side profile like a grungy teen thriller show.
A yawn stretched out of you and you reached for your seatbelt. "Wasn't complaining."
He sent you a pointed look. It was a silent "Really?" You pointedly ignored it.
The two of you clambered out of the car and you massaged your back and butt with reprieve. Your hand reached for the red ruby settled beneath the fabric of your T-shirt, the warm stone solid and present between your fingers. Changmin slammed his side of the car closed as he slung his bag over his shoulder, and you were swift to follow his lead.
Your fingers drummed against the side of your pants just as the main office came into view. There was someone seated behind the front desk with her head buried in her phone and Candy Crush on the screen. You and Changmin walked up to the counter and her head flicked upward.
Her eyes darted between you two and something or other clicked in her head. "Room for two?" She droned, already clacking away on her computer screen.
"Yes please," you sighed. You knew there was no way you were getting around her assumptions.
She smacked the gum in the side of her cheek, twirling around in her chair to reach for a key on the wall behind her. "It'll be thirty bucks," she said, sliding the key across the counter, "and we don't have condoms."
You and Changmin both coughed, heat rushing to your face. "None needed," he muttered as he slid a twenty and ten dollar bill over to her.
You collected the key and checked for the room number. Sleep crept into the corners of your eyes again and they were starting to sting from dehydration.
Changmin eyed you from his peripheral vision and nodded his silent thanks to the girl. He swept an arm loosely around your shoulders to guide you back out to the night beyond the main office. The room you were assigned was on the second floor of a building just a little ways down the complex. It was outfitted with a single queen-sized bed and bathroom, and the lights fortunately worked well enough. You couldn't decide if it was a good thing that you were too tired to assess the cleanliness of this room, but you made a beeline for the bathroom.
"I'm taking a shower," you announced, already closing the door.
The last thing you heard was his grunt from the other side.
You dumped your backpack on the lid of the toilet then braced your forearms on the sink counter. The lights in here were a dull gray and made you look sickly in the mirror. Dark bags hung beneath your pinkened eyesâthe receptionist probably thought you were drunk or high. Exhaustion hit you like a bus, your limbs sluggish and heavy.
So much had happened in the past 48 hours.
You ripped the shower curtain back and fiddled around with the shower until cold water spouted from the top.
Changmin was a demon. He was Hellspawn. You'd messed around with the idea of him being a pain in the ass before, but you never expected his demon-ness to be true.
When the water warmed as much as it could, you stepped beneath its drizzle. The ruby pendant from your sister sat on your sternum, safe and warm, and you watched it pulse with a glowing scarlet beneath the stream of water.
Your sister.
A few weeks ago, you watched her body lowered into a ditch in the ground. A little before that, you were told her death had been an accident. Now, you were on the run.
From who or what? You weren't completely sure. That was what Changmin was here for. Well, technically he was here for the necklace your sister left with you, but after what happened at your apartment that caused the two of you to go on the run, here you and the necklace were. Plus, the note your sister left explicitly instructed that the necklace be kept with youâon you. (You still weren't too certain of anything.)
When your fingers began to prune, you reluctantly stepped out of the shower to slip on a new set of clothes from your backpack. You went through the motions of getting ready to sleep, too, mind fuzzy and unable to make sense of anything.
You wrestled down a sigh and desire to cry. You were tired, for fuck's sake, you were so tired.
But when you opened the bathroom door, flicking the light off, you paused. The room was dark.
Your breath hitched in your throat and the hair on the back of your neck stood at attention. Heart pounding, you took a step into the main room.
"Changâ" A palm closed around your mouth, another cupping the back of your head.
Panicpanicpanicâ
A warm breath by your ear. "Calm down. It's just me." Changmin.
Fucking Hell.
You found his eyes as yours grew more accustomed to the dark. His head twisted over his shoulder to the window by the door where you could see silhouettes walking past, silent and stalking.
"Someone's here," he exhaled as he slowly removed his hand from over your mouth. His dark bangs hung in his eyes, his mouth set in a firm line. "They can sense the pendant, I think."
Your heart thundered against your ribcageâba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boomâ
Changmin's head whipped back toward you and he fished something out of his pocket. He reached for your hand, closing your fingers around something cold and metal. "Slowly put your backpack down and barricade yourself in the closet over there," he instructed quietly, finger pointing in the direction of the sliding doors just to your left. "If it comes to it, use the knife, Yn."
You bit your tongue to keep your breathing as steady as possible. Your hands shook around the switchblade he'd passed to you, and under his sharp eyes, you carefully lowered your bag to the ground without making as much noise as you could. Then, with his go-ahead, you crept as quietly as possible toward the closet.
Just as you reached for the slot in the door, all Hell broke loose.
The window shattered open, the door kicked off its hinges. Your entire body tensed as you dropped to the floor behind the bed, clutching the knife in front of you.
Changmin swore, nice and loud.
Shadows pummeled him to the ground until he was tangled in darkness, like nightmares brought to life. You saw a flash of claws in your view, your scream caught in your throat.
"You."
A blur of shadow whisked across your vision and your eyes went wide.
The creature crawled over the bed and pounced toward youâyou rolled away from him, blade held out in front of your body. Oh, there was an awful wave of dĂ©jĂ vu coming over you.
"You are a difficult being to find, pet," the creature hissed. You were beginning to make out its features nowâdagger-like eyes, claws that could easily rip flesh apart like cloth, and a maw of knives for teeth. Shit straight out of nightmares.
It cocked its head at you, crouching on the floor a few feet away. Why hadn't it attacked you yet?
"Curious," its scratchy voice croaked. "The master will be pleased when the asset is brought home to her."
The asset? It must have meant the necklace.
You heard a snarl from your right, and in horror, noted the thick, dark liquid splattered all over Changmin's clothes and body. When he snarled at the demons holding him down, you spotted the gleam of fangs.
"What do you want from me?" Your voice trembled, returning back to your main problem. The necklace sat warm and present, the pulses matching your racing heartbeat.
The creature released a sound like grating metal, something akin to a laugh. "Your guardian is more dangerous than he appears," he said instead while tilting its head to the side. "Clever being, that one. Master will be pleased when we bring his rotted corpse home."
You didn't anticipate how quickly it would move. You screamed as the creature dove for you and you swung out of the way. Its claws dug into the meat of your thigh, clinging to the flesh there with all of its might.
Fear struck painfully through your chest and you desperately twisted around to stab the blade into the side of the creature's neck.
It screeched. You drew the knife out to impale it in the back area, messily splattering an arc of its black blood everywhere.
You sucked in a sob as you scrambled backward. Its body dragged along the ground from its claws still sunken into your leg. The body was limp, but your nose wrinkled from the acrid, hot smell reeking from the corpse. It smelled burnt.
You peered at the blade in your fist with new eyes. The silver glowed gold in the darkened room; you shouldn't have expected anything less. Why did you think a mortal weapon could defend you from demonic creatures?
"YN!"
Too late.
Claws sunk into the sides of your throat and trapped your voice there. You thrashed around; panic stabbed your chest. Pathetically, desperately, you reached your arm back to try and drill the blade of your knife into the creature behind you.
Hot blood squelched down your throatâyou were losing feeling there. Numb numb numbâit hurt, oh fuck, you were going to dieâ
All at once, the pressure subsided.
Breath could only flood into your lungs as quickly as blood spilled from your throat. You were choking, eyes wide up at the ceiling.
This was it, this was it. Maybe you'd see your sister in Hell.
A face appeared above you, sweaty but familiar. Your blurry vision couldn't make out the emotions on his face, but you could hear him⊠boy, could you hear him.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he cursed, rustling around and adjusting his position above your body.
His rough palms cupped your face. You could hear your heartbeat slowing in your ears. Ba-boom⊠ba-boom⊠ba⊠boom.
"Stay with me," he panted. His left hand pressed against that side of your neck to staunch the blood flow. He sucked in a breath and he ducked out of your view.
You felt a different wet sensation over your open wound. His tongue was rough, yet soothing as he lapped and sucked on the gouge in your throat. Feeling sparked in that area; you could feel your skin physically stitching itself together. If you could squirm, you would have.
He was swift to switch to your other side and copy those actions there. He groaned low against your skin, one hand cupping the side of your head to hold you in place.
Oxygen rushed through your lungs and you gasped. You tore your neck away from his mouth to dry retch. Blood dripped from the side of your lips to the dusty carpet. You had been asphyxiating on your own life force.
You flopped back onto your back, tears rolling down your cheeks as you gestured wildly at the steaming demon carcass still attached to your thigh. "Ple-please," you whimpered. "Please, get it off."
Changmin crawled onto his arms, sliding down toward your leg. "Yeah, sweetheart. I got it."
He looked up at you as he dug his fingers into the creature's skull, ready to pry the thing's claws from you. Something dark was smudged over his faceâhis nose, cheeks, across his eye. "It's gonna hurt," he warned, voice hoarse.
You moved your head in a microscopic nod.
Tears pricked at your vision, and your leg screamed. Blood filled your mouth even more from the force you used to clamp down on your tongue. Changmin was swift, but gentle as he removed each claw from your thigh, then tossed the body somewhere behind him. He lowered his face to your leg to carefully lap at your wounds like he'd done before.
When he was done, he flopped onto the floor with you, his sigh filling the awful silence.
You could feel everything. It was pulsing all over your body. Your skin, threading together, tingled and ached and throbbed. Your cheeks were damp with tear tracks and your fingers finally loosened their grip on the switchblade. Your mouth was coated in the metallic iron taste of blood.
The only familiar feeling was the pendant on your sternum. The bane of your existence.
"So you have magic spit?" You croaked, your voice scratchy from your sore and bruised throat.
You heard his huff, the closest thing you'd ever heard to a laugh from him. "It's regenerative," he exhaled deeply.
You snorted, then winced when it hurt.
If you could look up, you would've seen the corner of his lips twitch.
"Are you sure you're not a vampire?"
You heard a soft shuffling sound as he clambered upright to lean against the wall. His head thumped against it, eyes fluttered closed. "I don't drink blood, sweetheart."
"I didn't say you drank it."
You grimaced as you struggled to swallow. Reality was swooping in on you like a vulture above a carcass. Doom swirled in your stomachâyou almost died just now. You choked on a sob, and you reached up to your face to brush away your tears.
Oh god, everything hurt.
"I want to go home," you whispered. It wasn't even to Changmin, just to whoever could hear you. Homehomehome, but where was home? They could find you anywhere.
A beat passed.
"I'm sorry." Changmin's head hung, either out of exhaustion or genuine regret. "I promised your sister I wouldn't get you involved."
You still couldn't move your head much, so you kept your gaze on the speckled ceiling. "What?"
"I have⊠had sisters."
You didn't hide your surprise. You didn't think you would ever get anything personal out of this guy, let alone the fact he had family. But his confession planted a seed of sympathy in you⊠maybe he was human before, or maybe he wasn't at all, but he had family. That had to count for something.
He released another haggard sigh. "So that was one of the few things we could agree onâkeeping you out of this unless necessary."
Necessary. You should have never put on the necklace, should have never touched the cursed thing. Now, you were literally chained to it and its fate.
He went quiet again and you could hear your heartbeat in your ears. You thought he was going to say something else, but instead, he rose to his feet. Taking slow, careful steps, he made his way over to your body.
"C'mon, let's get out of here," he murmured as he tucked his hands under your armpits to haul you upright.
You cursed under your breath at the ache and the blood rushing to your head. Your left leg was pretty much useless, and he had to cup the nape of your neck to his shoulder so you could lean on him.
"Can you walk?" He asked, his breath by your ear again.
You shook your head, pressing your mouth against the muscle of his shoulder. He smelled like demon blood, and you shifted to lean your cheek on him instead, holding in a gag at the wretched stench.
"Okay. Hold on a second."
He helped you sit down on the ledge of the bed, before going around the room to collect things. He plucked up your backpack from the floor, then his own bag, hoisting them both over his shoulders before returning to you. From your vantage, you could see all the limp demon corpses lying on the ground, unmoving. You wrestled down the bile creeping up your throat and looked away.
Changmin scooped you up in his arms with a grunt, and you looped yours around his upper body, tucking yourself into him. "We have to get out of here before someone comes to check this shit out," he said to you as he exited the room.
You gave a nod. "Aren't you tired? Hurt?" You asked, guilt and fear twisting something horrid in your chest.
"Don't worry about me."
"How could I not?"
His lips twitched. "Oh, so you care about me now?"
You closed your eyes against his shoulder. "Don't be an asshole."
"Sure, sweetheart." He made it to the car and instructed you to reach around his back to get the car key hanging from his bag strap. Changmin managed to get the car door open and deposited you in your seat. Your body molded into the material, exhaustion settling once more into your bones and joints.
In a blink, the two of you were back on the road.
Changmin carded a hand through his damp hair as he pulled out onto the barren street. You rolled your head to the side, eyes drinking him in. There were scratches over his exposed skin, barely there, but still present as if they had healed over already. His clothes were splotched and stained, as well as ripped in other places. And of course, there was the blood smeared all over his face, his neck. The bastard didn't even look fazed.
Right, demon. What did that even entail?
Your eyelids were beginning to droop, yanked down by the force of gravity and the human necessity to sleep. You didn't want to sleep though; you didn't want to be attacked a third time. Though most of the adrenaline had dissipated, your shoulders were still tense, your senses alert and unable to relax just yet.
Changmin glanced over at you briefly. "You should sleep."
You moved your head. "Can't," you rasped.
He reached over then, his palm warm against your head, as he gently brushed his thumb over your eyelids to coax them closed. "You're safe with me, Yn," he promised. You were reluctant to believe him, but after what just happened, at least you knew he could take care of himself and you.
Sleep was already coaxing you into its jaws to devour you, and the pendant under your shirt pulsed to a steady beat to encourage your descent. "Morning will come soon."
All you could do now was trust him.
#5âTHE ANGEL BLADE.
THE DINER OFF THE INTERSTATE was like the ones from the movies: red, vinyl seats that squelched when you scooted over them; blind fluorescent lights that flickered every time a fly died against them; people minding their own business as they hunched over grainy coffee and burgers that looked a little too good to be true. You sat across from Changmin, hands laced over the white table surface while he had his arms braided over his chest.
Another eight hours had passed since the motel. You'd found a rest stop to clean up and change clothes on the way, but when you could no longer deny your need for food, Changmin made the executive decision to feed the monster that was your stomach. Executive decision meant he was driving you somewhere to eat something so you wouldn't pass out from stubborn, self-induced hunger.
You're not gonna die if you want fries and chicken tenders, Yn, he'd said with a roll of his eyes.
Easy for him to say. He wasn't the target of every other supernatural being within a fifty mile radius. Perhaps by association, but still.
It was fascinating what a few hours of rest and magical demon saliva could do to help the human body. All of your wounds had pretty much closed upâalbeit a tad sore, but nothing as awful as the pain you were in when being clawed in the moment. It was even more fascinating how alive Changmin looked despite literally not being alive. And the fact he hadn't slept a wink within the past day at least.
You, on the other hand, looked like a dumpster fire. Your hair was a bird's nest, eye bags more expensive than Louis Vuitton. Your stomach gave another whining growl; you'd ordered not five minutes ago with a middle-aged woman in too-bright red lipstick and a blue collared dress uniform.
"Are you sure you're not like, a vampire?"
His face dropped into a deadpan you'd seen before. "Oh my God."
"You can say His name?"
Your lips curled into a self-indulgent smile at the way he rolled his eyes so hard, he could probably see his brain back there. (If he had one.) "Sorry."
"You're not sorry," he said, eyebrow arching. "Do you have any real questions?"
Your hands shifted to your lap as your gaze moved to the window next to you. The sky was an ugly, sickly shade of gray-green. It reminded you of the lighting from the first Twilight movie, and you gagged at the thought. The bright red and neon of the diner clashed horridly with the sky, too. All of it was a little disconcerting.
Back in the car, when Changmin was first introducing you to the real world, he'd given you the short version of the supernatural who lived amongst oblivious humans. He hadn't gotten down to the nitty-gritty, just the shit he needed you to know so he could justify hauling you across the state, and to understand all the supernatural creatures after the little pendant resting beneath your shirt collar.
Two mugs of coffee were set onto your table, the dark liquid sloshing over the sides to stain the white below it.
You reached for your mug first, gently cooling it down with a breath. When you took a sip, gingerly, you grimaced. You somehow managed to wrestle the liquid down, but the searing bitterness was enough to make you push the cup away and reach for the sugar packets at the end of the table.
Changmin watched you in amusement, tongue poking the inside of his mouth.
You narrowed your eyes at him as you ripped a Stevia packet open. "What're you laughing at?"
"M'not laughing," he shrugged. He picked up his cup of coffee, clinked it against yours for good measure, then chugged the cup of shit in one sitting.
You watched in ill-concealed disgust, horror, and⊠maybe you were a little impressed.
When he set the drained cup on the table, he wiped his smug mouth with a napkin from the aluminum dispenser.
It was your turn to deadpan. "Show off," you muttered, stirring your artificial sweetener into the dark brown brew.
He shrugged again. "What? Like it's hard?"
"Oh my god, you can be funny."
Your chicken tenders arrived. Steam wafted from them and you closed your eyes to inhale the beautiful smell. Happiness on a plate, you liked to think.
Changmin thanked the waitress who had also delivered him a plate of blueberry pancakes. He eyed you quietly as you inhaled the food on your plate, despite the dull throbbing in your throat.
You caught his gaze, stopping mid-tender. "Want some?" You asked after swallowing the bite, gesturing to your fries.
He shook his head and began buttering up his hotcakes. "Nah. Have at it."
The two of you settled into a comfortable silence as you ate your separate meals. Changmin had told you before that demons didn't need all the typical things humans needed to "survive" or "live." Technically, since he was undead, there were only a handful of ways he could die. Eating and sleeping were necessary for human life, but they were more so preferences for him. If he wanted to eat, he could eat. If he wanted to close his eyes and dream, he could try.
The thought had you waving a fry at him. "The switchblade," you began, drawing his attention and pancake-stuffed cheeks, "what was it? It definitely wasn't something human-made."
Changmin swallowed his bite. "It was an angel blade."
"You're kidding," you drawled in disbelief.
He challenged your stare. "Believe it or not, it was. Forged up there." He lifted the prongs of his fork up toward the ceiling, shaking his bangs out of his eyes.
Your jaw dropped. "So the Big Man Upstairs does exist?"
"I mean, I don't really know. I've never met him if he does. I just know the angels are ruled by the Seraphim," he told you. "Lots of hierarchical bullshit I didn't care to pay attention to."
He impaled another piece of pancake. "Angel blades are one of the few things that can kill a creature like that."
"A demon?" You asked.
"Yes. Lower level demons are easier to kill, especially with a blade like the one I gave you." He shoved the bite into his cheek to continue, "That's why I was able to take on multiple at once."
You made a noise of indignation. "So you're telling me you're a higher level demon?"
His shoulders fell in a half-hearted shrug.
"Helpful," you muttered as you washed your meal down with bittersweet coffee. You paused for a moment, cleaning your fingers off with a napkin. "The⊠the licking thing."
Changmin's eyes could not meet yours. "Mhm."
"Do you⊠do you do that often?"
"No," he said curtly. "That party trick only works on humans and I don't really enjoy the taste of blood."
You pursed your lips at his rather clipped response. "Oh." You recalled the sound he'd made as he cleaned your blood up with his tongue at the motel⊠maybe it was something out of disgust. You suddenly felt out of place, like you had made his shoulders tense up and the air crackle. You racked your brain. "Iâthanks, by the way."
With a cough, he murmured, "Welcome. Couldn't have you dying on me."
You nursed your coffee cup, reaching up to absentmindedly fondle the pendant under your shirt. "Yeah."
"Have you ever met an angel?"
The car was quiet as Changmin peered over his shoulder to switch lanes, the blinker tick-tocking away until it was turned off. "Yeah."
You stared out the front windshield to count the white colored cars on the highway amongst you. "What're they like?"
"They're like every other species," he said, unenthused. "Some are more asshole-ish than others. You'll find good ones and bad ones." A sigh. "The ones I've met have largely been the latter though."
"Oh." You weren't sure if you were disappointed by that answer.
The diner had been less than half an hour ago and you were back on the road again. Yours and Changmin's ETA to your sister's safehouse was supposedly another five or so hours. You couldn't believe she owned safehouses. For fuck's sake, she lived with you for majority of the time before she went to study abroad⊠she probably wasn't even abroad all those times, you realized anxiously.
It was like he could sense your change in mood from bored curiosity to tense overthinking. He dug around in the pocket of his pants and handed you the pommel of the switchblade from the motel. Angel blade, he'd called it.
You glanced at him in question, but he only pushed it into your palms.
"Get comfortable with it," he said. "It's a decent size as far as angel blades goes, since those fuckers don't really like to give them up. It's good for self defense."
The blade looked like something one could buy at a gift shop, slim with some heft, painted a shiny white color. There was no logo on it, but if you looked at it from the right angle, it shimmered. You unlocked it and let the blade whip out of the slot. The blade was shaped like any other box cutter you've seen before, but the underside had a serrated edge for extra ease in slicing through tougher materials. Your finger ghosted over the glowing metal, silver warming to a yellow-orange, but only if you didn't blink in the daylight.
You killed a demon with this. The blade burned the creature.
"How'd you get this if they don't like giving these up?" You asked as you figured out how to put the blade back into its sheath.
His fingers drummed against the wheel. "Won it in a poker game," he said.
Your eyebrows lifted. "Seriously?"
You swore there was a ghost of a smile on his lips. "Seriously."
With nothing better to do, you flicked the blade in and out, in and out. You'd only ever really held blades in the kitchen and when opening packages. "Do you have a name for it?"
"A name?"
"Yeah," you said, shifting slightly in your seat as an ache crept into your spinal cord, "y'know like the fantasy books where they name their blades." You inspected the switchblade again, rotating it in your hands. "Looks like a Clyde."
Changmin let out a huff from his nose. "Clyde?"
"What? Got any better ideas?"
"How about we don't name dangerous utilities for murder," he drawled.
"I can't believe you didn't just say 'weapons.'" When he didn't answer you, you made an indignant little noise you hoped annoyed him and admired the angel blade in your hand in a new light. Clyde. Hi, Clyde. You're pretty.
"Don't tell me you're communicating with it," he said to you.
You ran your finger over the flat side again with a fond smileâjust to annoy him. "It doesn't give me lip."
A sigh. He tended to do that a lot. "How's your neck?"
Your hand lifted to your throat and massaged it lightly. "It's doing alright. Does it still look bruised?"
You tilted your neck so he could take a good look at it. He eyed the span of flesh there, his dark irises taking on a strange tint. The corner of his mouth curled downward as he turned his focus back to the road. "Yeah."
"It doesn't hurt as bad anymore, if that's any better."
"I guess," he grumbled. "Humans are so fragile."
"Hey man," you huffed, "is it my fault that I don't have magic spit or my skin doesn't heal fastâ"
"How many times do I have to tell you? It's not magic spit. That's just how human biology reacts to demon saliva." Changmin tapped the back of his hand on the steering wheel as a vague gesture.
You shifted in your seat to look at him and so that you could take pressure off one side of your back. "I have a question. Why does demon saliva have healing properties when usually lore says that you guys are opposite in nature? Actually, that kind of sounds prejudicial," you thought aloud.
"It is prejudicial," he replied. "Well, mostly. It depends on the demon, but we're just like any other species. It's just that most pop culture depicts us as evil. Demons and vampires are derivations of each other in thatâ"
"So you are a vampire!"
He didn't even try to counter you this time. "Both species have saliva that can heal wounds, not large wounds, but you can probably imagine that vampires use it to seal puncture marks post-meal."
That made sense to you. "But why do demons need it?"
"Human bloodâŠ" he trailed off for a moment as he narrowly missed a car zooming past, his glaring eyes trailing after them, "...is like our saliva. It regenerates us. It's kind of like an energy drink, so it's not a necessity, but more so like a luxury or privilege."
You swallowed and you could've sworn you heard a soft huff from his mouth like a laugh. The thought of your blood being like an energy drink for himâand he'd literally licked your wounds clean at the motel that night. Was that how he was able to heal so quickly? It was a marvel he hadn't drunk you dry. But then again, he'd also said blood wasn't his tasteâŠ?
"Are you sure you don't like human blood?" You asked, sounding like a broken record, but more apprehensively this time.
"Sweetheart, you really think you'd still be here if I did?"
Touché.
Out of the corner of your eye, you caught Changmin stiffen. His hands tightened the slightest amount around the steering wheel, his eyes darting from the front windshield to the rearview mirror.
"What?" You asked, taking a look through the side mirror on your side. "What's wrong?"
Changmin's face washed over in a careful blankness. "We're being followed."
Your whole body tensed and you had to physically restrain yourself from twisting around in your seat. "What?"
"Hey, stay calm." He flicked his turn signal on casually as he exited off the freeway.
"Why are you telling them where we're going?!" He was literally signaling to whoever was following you exactly your next move.
"Just because we're on the run, doesn't mean we shouldn't follow basic driving safety."
You sent him a very emboldened stink eye. "Out of all the times, you choose now to have a sense of humor and to be an upstanding citizen?" Where was this during the entire road trip thus far?
Changmin made no other comments as he turned right onto the street leading further away from the freeway. You sat quietly for a moment, monitoring the cars behind you from your side mirror. Your knee started bouncing as you took note of the white sedan following behind, not tailgating, but its intentions were clear enough where even you could pick it out.
"What're we gonna do?" You murmured.
Changmin glanced over at you briefly. "We're gonna be fine. We just have to lose them."
"No shit."
"And you say I give you lip?"
Without any forewarning, Changmin jerked the car to the left, practically zooming across the intersection to catch the yellow light. Your whole body sailed across the center console, and before you could give him a piece of your mind, he was sending you crashing into your doorway from another sharp turn. You glared daggers at him, but turned to peer out your window.
The white car was still following after you. They must have run the red light then.
Changmin's sharp eyes sliced across the rearview mirror, and his foot lowered on the gas pedal like a challenge. His eyes whipped back and forth for somewhere he could go next, brain working double the speed. "Hold onto something, sweetheart."
"I don't think that wouldâHELPPP!" You sputtered and yanked on the handle above the door, hugging yourself to that side of the car.
You could hear the tires of Changmin's car burn rubber and squeal as he zigzagged through streets. You were pretty sure half of this was residential, you thought as the landscape blurred past.
"Do you even know whereâ" You swore as your body flailed around from another one of his god awful swerves, "âwe are?"
He shook his head and floored the gas. "Nope."
Great.
It was about fifteen minutes of this supposed drag racing before his driving finally began to even out. You were seconds from hurling up diner food when you realizedâŠ
"Where the fuck did the trees come from?" You asked, lowering your tense form from the door handle.
You pressed your nose against the window to gawk up at the towering trees on your side of the vehicle, all dark green and beautiful. A light fog clung to some of the leaves, making the sunlight streaming through them look like golden strands of gossamer. The road you drove on held to the side of the mountain, but from what you could tell, Changmin had officially lost the white sedan.
Changmin visibly relaxed. "You might wanna pull up a GPS."
You reached over to your phone in the cupholder. But you pretty much tossed it right back. "No bars. Where did you take us?" You didn't even realize there was so much forest in this area. How come you hadn't seen it from the highway?
He gave a sigh, raking a hand through his hair. "Shit."
The car sunk into silence. Changmin could do nothing else but follow the road until you hit civilization or some kind of sign as to where you two were. You hadn't been in this part of the state before, so it wasn't like you could point out any landmarks. But as you both continued along, you settled into a sort of calmâthe trees here were beautiful, untouched by man. Even from inside the car, you could feel the serenity.
Your finger pressed down on the button on your door to lower the window. You stuck your head out, hair flowing behind you. With a great inhale, your mouth broke into a smile. It smelled just as gorgeous as it looked. Fresh and clean andâ
"You've got to be shitting me."
You pulled yourself back into the car and raised the window back up. "What?"
Changmin's mouth was set in a firm line, a dimple pressing deep into his cheek. "Wolves."
Your brows knitted together. "Huh?"
"We're in wolf shifter territory."
Just as he said this to you, the car rounded the side of the bend and revealed a large green sign that read: WELCOME TO MOONSTONE CREAK! Population 276.
The sign following it did not make you feel any better: CAMPERS! BEWARE OF WOLVES.
#6âBEWARE OF WOLVES.
AT THE FIRST SIGN OF WOLVES, you sunk low in your seat. You'd made eye contact with one of the furry creatures hidden in the brush, their sharp predator eyes narrowing at the sight of a foreign entity in their woods.
"By wolf shifters," you said quietly, holding onto Clyde in your lap, "you mean like⊠werewolves?"
Changmin's eyes stayed on the road ahead, but every once in a while, you would catch him scanning the forest, too. "Those aren't the same things. Werewolves are the things you read about in lore, half-man and half-wolf. Wolf shifters can change completely from man to wolf and vice versa."
"Oh." Well, that cleared some things up. "I'm guessing they don't take kindly to trespassers?"
He bit his lip. "I mean, it depends on the pack. If my hunch is right about where we are though, we shouldn't have to worry."
You gulped. "And if you aren't?"
"Well, I told you to get used to that angel blade, right?"
The trek further into the forest and mountains continued. The scenery around you was still as stunning as it was before, and you thought to yourself how dangerous a beautiful thing could be. Every time you peeked out of the car window, you saw a flash of something in the woods beyond the road. There had to be a reason why they hadn't attacked the car yet, right? If this was a pack of wolves who didn't like trespassers, then why were you and Changmin still alive?
Maybe they wanted you in a place where there was no chance of outsiders hearing you screamâŠ
Your intrusive thoughts were getting to you.
There was a dead end, a near broken road sign and fence directing all passers-by that this was the end. Changmin was forced to take the off-road path, beaten into the dirt as it wound through the forest. If you didn't have signal up on the main road, you definitely would not have any here.
It was a few more minutes of traveling down the path that two wolves appeared before the car. Changmin brought the vehicle to a slow halt. The wolves were relatively large, spanning about six feet and about as tall as the bottom rim of the car door window. One of the wolves had black hair like a raven, and the other had hair like a field of grain.
Your heart stuttered in your chest as the wolves stared right at you. "Changmin�"
He met their staring contest with little intimidation. "It's⊠it's fine. I think they recognize me."
After a moment, the two wolves broke their strange staring contest and trotted off to the side of the road. They were back so quickly, you almost didn't realize what had happened. Like magic, they had transformed into two toned young men, both nicely built with their lean upper body on display. They must have had a strategic stash of shorts hidden behind a tree for after they shifted to their human forms. One had cropped black hair, the other blond. Well, at least that made sense.
Changmin slumped in his chair, relieved. The corners of his mouth curled upward in an almost-smile, as the two wolf shifters came over to greet him at his window.
The brunette bent his head down to the window with a broad smile, the kind that made your stomach fill with butterflies. (Not to mention the eyeful of abs you and Changmin were gettingâŠ) He leaned his arms over the top of the car window, eyes flickering from the demon to you. "Long time no see, Changmin. Who's your friend?"
"That's Yn," your demon guardian said, clasping one of the man's hands in greeting. He reached for the second wolf shifter. "Haknyeon, nice to see you, too."
"Good to see you, Changmin" said the blond.
Oh, so he knew them.
Changmin gestured to the two men. "Yn, this is Kevin and Haknyeon. They're with the pack."
"Not that we're unhappy to see you," Kevin drawled, "but how did you find us?"
Okay, wait. If Changmin knew them, then why wouldn't he know the location of their pack? You sat quiet, waiting for someone to explain it to you⊠or just explain everything to you.
"Someone was following us and I lost them," Changmin told them, "but I managed to get us lost, too. Coincidence that we ended up here. I'm glad it's you guys and not another pack."
Kevin's eyebrows flew up. "Yeah, for sure. Wellâ" he turned his head up toward the treetops and scanned the skies. They were beginning to bruise like your skin as the sun sank somewhere amongst the trees and into the horizon. You hadn't even realized how dark it was starting to get. "âsun's already pretty low right now. Why don't you guys shack up with us tonight and then we'll help you out in the morning?"
"That would be great actually." Wow, really? You kept your surprise at bay. "Lead the way."
With no further discussion needed, Kevin and Haknyeon disappeared behind the same large tree trunk from before, then re-emerged as the wolves from before. Kevin, the one with black colored fur, pointed with his snout in the direction the path would take you. The two wolves began to trot down the path, and Changmin waited for them to get somewhat ahead before he flicked his headlights on and followed.
It was a curious act of consideration, you thought.
You watched as the wolves began to pick up speed, your eyes flickering to the speedometer. "SoâŠ" you drawled, "what the fuck just happened?"
A sharp huff, his version of a laugh. "They're old friends," he said.
"How'd you not know this was where their pack was if they're old friends?"
"I met them out of the pack," he explained. "It was somewhere in the New England area, and we just happened to be hunting the same thing."
Hunting? Oh, bounty hunter. Right. "And theâthe shifting thing."
"What about it?"
You made a face of frustration. He always made you pull teeth when you wanted background information. "Everything."
He glanced at you. "I think it'd be better if one of them explained it to you. Better to have one of their own say it right than risk me getting something wrong."
That was, unfortunately, a very fair answer.
Instead of pushing on the wolf topic, you had more questions that he could answer. "So what now? Are we just gonna stay the night? Is it safe?" What if that white car found a way in here? Neither of you could see who the driver was, and so how could either of you be sure they weren't trying to perhaps get you both here? And if they also had the means to come in here without being marked as trespassers?
"It's safe," he said with such confidence that you arched your brows. He saw your expression, making a soft turn along the road as the wolves had, the pads of his fingers lifting off the steering wheel for a second in gesture. "I know what you're probably thinking, but it's safer than sleeping out in a motel off the highway, alright? Packs usually don't drive cars, and they have maybe one or two for convenience sake. They can smell trespassers from miles away, and they usually have people on watch all the time, which is how they found us so quickly."
You supposed that made sense. The forest here seemed denser, and with the quickly fading light, it made it all the more unnavigable. If you were to try to run⊠good fucking luck.
You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out. As the car rounded the bend, yours and Changmin's faces illuminated with the glow of light.
The town was laid out flat before you, not over a ridge, not over a mountain, but a path that led into a central meeting place with wooden buildings all around it. The lights were all from candle-lit lanterns rather than the LEDs and fluorescents of the human world. There were a mixture of both wolves and people milling about, an air of warm cheeriness that you could feel even from the car. You felt a fuzziness manifest in your chest at the sight.
Kevin and Haknyeon directed Changmin toward a back road to the right behind a row of buildings. It was most likely to avoid getting in the way of the pack members, you guessed. You kept silent as you averted your eyes from the void-like darkness of the forest beyond to your right.
Up ahead, you saw the two wolves trot into a small paved area with one other car parked along the walkway. It seemed to be like a makeshift alleyway of sorts between two blocks of buildings. With some maneuvering, Changmin managed to parallel park into the space that was just big enough for his vehicle.
When he parked, he gestures for you to follow his lead and get out of the car. "You should be safe to come out with me. We'll probably meet the pack alpha and get everything settledâ" His head tilted to the side, "âhopefully."
Your eyes shuttered. "Hopefully?" You echoed. Pack alpha? What the fuck did that entail? From what you remember in the books and shows, you thought to yourself as you clambered out of the car and stretched your sore limbs, wolf packs had an alpha that would lead everyone. You weren't sure if you would have to go through some kind of cult initiation or something to be granted permission to stay the night.
The angel blade sat tucked into the pocket of your pants along with your phone, and you slammed your car door shut. From here, you could peer down the alley and see out into the glowing atmosphere of the town center. It sounded like fun, actuallyâall of the chatter and laughter. You hadn't been anywhere so lively-sounding in awhile.
"Yn right?"
You startled a little, whirling around to find the brunetteâKevin was his nameâsmiling at you sheepishly. He was back in human form with a pair of shorts and a plain white T-shirt on. "Sorry I snuck up on you," he said.
"Oh, it's totally fine!" You laughed bashfully, smoothing a hand down your hair. "And yes, I'm Yn. You're Kevin, right?"
Man, he was so much prettier up closeâŠ
Kevin nodded. "Yeah, it's nice to meet you. Changmin says this is all pretty new to you." He gestured loosely to the world around him, an all encompassing notion to the entire world you had just unearthed beneath your nose.
Your eyes darted behind Kevin where Changmin and Haknyeon were gathered on the other side of the car, pulling yours and Changmin's bags out the backseat. Changmin caught your eyes, lifted his eyebrows, then returned to his conversation.
So he was just gonna leave you in the hands of the very handsome wolf shifter? Cool.
"Yeah, it's kind of a crazy story," you mused. Understatement of the century. "Thanks for taking us in, by the way.
"It's no worries," he chirped. "Changmin and us? We go back pretty far, I'd like to think."
"Oh, cool! He mentioned something about that⊠and something about meeting the pack alpha?"
Kevin's eyes flickered to something behind you, and you turned around to see what or who it was on instinct. "It's nothing to stress aboutâhe's coming this way, actually."
You felt his hand, warm and large, gently settle between your shoulder blades to guide you toward the two men making their way down the alley toward you both.
One of them⊠well you could feel the subtle shift in the air. It was as if molecules in the air moved for him. He boasted a powerful sort of stature, with dark hair parted neatly to frame a carved face. For a moment, you didn't know if you were supposed to bow or something, but then he smiled, and you nearly fell over from that alone. He wasn't so scary once he smiled.
The man next to him was a lighter brunette with a cheery expression engraved onto his face as if that were his default setting. There was something about him, howeverâyou thought he glowed a little in the dim light. The angel blade in your pocket seemed to warm slightly at the sight of him.
(So was everyone just super attractive in the supernatural world?)
"Changmin-ah," greeted the man with darker colored hair. He clasped his hand with Changmin's in greeting. "It's been awhile."
"It has," your demon counterpart agreed. "Thanks for taking us in on such short notice. I wouldn't have intruded had I known."
The man brushed the thought away. "It's okay, really. Nice to have a couple new faces around."
"Speaking of new faces," drawled the second man. He beamed a pretty smile your way, waving. "Hi, little one."
Something warm blossomed in your chest. "Hi," you said softly. You weren't certain of etiquetteâif you were expected to speak for yourself, to bowâŠ
But it seemed Kevin had your back. He clasped his warm hand on your shoulder. "This is Yn. She came in with Changmin."
"Nice to meet you, Yn. I'm Sangyeon." This was the man with black hair, who felt like the tangible version of power. He must have been the pack alpha. He had to be.
The other man placed a hand on his chest. "And I'm Jacob!"
"We're just looking for a place to stay for the night," Changmin piped up. He tucked his hands into his pockets, eyes shifting over to yours.
"Well, why don't we head over to the pack house and we can talk about all the details of a plan," said Sangyeon. He inclined his chin in the direction of where you assumed the pack house was. Then his eyes, you watched their keen movements, latched onto Kevin's as if they were communicating silently. "Yn," you nearly jolted when you realized he was addressing you. "Kevin's gonna take you to the small inn we have here. It'll give you a little more privacy, and I'm sure you've felt pretty overwhelmed."
It didn't sound like he was asking you, but there was a warmth to his smile. You couldn't help but feel inclined to agree.
Changmin's head went on a swivel. "Wait, she's not coming with us?"
Haknyeon and Jacob were already rounding on either side of him to guide him in the opposite direction Kevin was leading you. Something in the back of your head made you turn over your shoulder to look at him. Was being separated such a bad thing?
Haknyeon suddenly tossed Kevin your backpack, the latter shouldering it.
"Come on, Yn," Kevin chirped, angling his body as he nudged you along so you could no longer see Changmin. "There's a lovely hearth in the main lobby, and the auntie who runs the place makes the best cookies ever."
You nodded slowly as your brain struggled to think of any reason why they would separate you from Changmin. And why did he sound so surprised? Your hand drifted toward the pocket that hid your angel blade. "Oh, really? That sounds nice."
They didn't drug them, did they? Your shoulders tensed at the idea.
Why did they separate you and Changminâ
The inn was the building right outside the alley with a porch that spanned the front facade. The architecture reminded you of an upscale cabin with large oak logs piled atop each other to make up the structure. A warm light emitted from the front windows and glass doors, and you swore you could smell the cookies from here.
When you and Kevin entered the building, he called out a greeting to an older woman stationed behind a reception desk in the back corner. She greeted the both of you with a cordial smile, wiggling her fingers in a wave. Her head tilted curiously at you, however, her eyes zeroing in onâŠ
Your attention was drawn away and you were directed toward the seating area on the other side of the lobby.
"Can I get you any water or anything?" Kevin asked you as he motioned for you to take a seat in the armchair adjacent to him. He set your backpack at your feet for you.
You lowered yourself onto the edge of the seat, hand reaching for the pendant beneath your shirtâyou stopped short. Could he sense the power of the pendant? Was that why they separated you from your demon bodyguard? Oh fuckâ
"Hey, hey," Kevin suddenly said softly, face morphing into an expression of concern. "No need to get panicked, okay? You're safe now."
Wait. What? You wrung your hands in your lap, heart still throwing itself up against your ribcage. "Safe? What do you mean safe? Safe from what?"
Kevin considered you for a moment, but the gentleness from his voice and body language never left. "You're safe from Changmin."
"Safe from Changmin?"
"Yes," he affirmed patiently. "The bruises on your neckâ"
Your hand went to cover the side of your throat where it had been pierced by the maw of a demon, but not Changmin.
"âdoes he feed from you? They look freshâ"
You immediately put your hands up to gesticulate in wild opposition. "Oh, no, no, no. Heâhe didn't feed from me; he saved my life, actually. We were attacked by other demons and I was bleeding out, and he just closed the wounds. He⊠he isn't, uhm⊠yeah."
Kevin's posture changed, and his smile became relievedâsheepish even. "Well, shit. I'm sorry for assuming, Yn; it's just that a lot of people end up here because they're in unhealthy relationships, and I saw the marks on your neck and just assumed the worst." He cupped the back of his neck. "This must have been really confusing for you. Sorry about that."
Okay, now that made a lot more sense. Your adrenaline was slowly teetering out and the tension left your shoulders. "No, please, that's honestly really nice that you would help victims like this. It did give me a little scare, but⊠yeah no, this wasn't Changmin's doing."
"That eases my mind a lot," he chuckled. Then he turned and nodded to the auntie behind the reception desk. You watched as she disappeared out the doors of the inn. "She's just gonna let Sangyeon know that everything's good."
"I thought you said you and Changmin go way back�" Did they not trust him?
Kevin leaned back in his armchair. "We do. It's just protocol, you know? Whether or not we know them, it doesn't matter."
That was good for victims, you thought. Though, you couldn't imagine what they were really discussing with Changmin then⊠"So ChangminâŠ"
"Sangyeon, Jacob, and Haknyeon would have taken care of him if I told them he was harming you," he replied, lips pressed together. "They really are talking about how you both ended up here thoughâthat, and plans for the morning."
It was like he could read your mind.
A lot had happened just now, and you were still reeling from the fact that you didn't need to prepare to run. Though, you were still hyperaware of Clyde's warmth in your pocket.
Kevin noticed your far-off expression. He leaned forward onto his knees, that kind smile of his curling onto his face and making you feel some sort of woozy. "I know it's probably been a lot for you. Do you have any questions for me?"
He was so different from Changmin. While with the demon getting information was like pulling teeth, here was Kevin offering you information. They were polar opposites, really. You wondered what it might have been like if Kevin had been the one to take you on this quest insteadâyour mind shuttered. What a strange thought. Changmin might have been a pain in your ass in the beginning (and still now), but⊠it wasn't like he hadn't protected you. You didn't know.
"I guess," you started, "what's gonna happen now?"
He thought about it for a moment. "Well, uhm, I think we're both gonna find out once Changmin gets back. See what they've all decided on. But for sure, you and he will be able to shack up here for the night."
You gave a slow nod. "Is Sangyeon the pack alpha? Kind of a stupid questionâ"
"It's not a stupid question at all," Kevin said. "But yes, he's the pack alpha. You can just consider him as a community leader, essentially."
"And you're all wolf shifters?"
A nod, then he paused, tilting his head. "Yes, but Jacob's not a wolf shifter; he's an angel."
Your eyebrows flew up. Everything was suddenly making a lot more sense. "An angel? So he and Changmin aren't, like, mortal enemies or anything?" You hadn't noticed any wings on himâŠ
Kevin laughed. "Oh, you're cute. No, thankfully they are not mortal enemies. Jacob's too nice to have enemies."
"Even someone like Changmin?" You jested.
"Even someone like Changmin," he said, humoring you. "Speaking of the demon, you two aren't�"
You sucked in a breath. "Definitely not. We're not together or anything. It's a long story, but our meeting and traveling together is just because of a common goal." You couldn't tell why the thought of you and Changmin being an item made your heart cartwheel. Perhaps it was simply the anxiety of being thought of as Changmin's significant other that made you want to jump to correct that assumption. Yes, that was it.
Kevin bit his bottom lip like he was trying to hide a smile. "Ah, I see. That's good to know."
"And why's that?" You asked.
You could have sworn if he was in wolf form, his ears would have been tucked against his head. "Nothing!" He insisted. "It would just be a shame to not take a chance when it's presented, you know?"
You weren't quite sure what he meant by that, but for some reason, you were eager to find out.
It was late still when Changmin knocked on your open door, lingering on the threshold. You had just stepped out of the shower in the private en suite your accommodations had, a towel settled upon your shoulders to act as a barrier between your wet hair and dry clothes. He didn't look any worse for wearâthen again, he never did.
"Everything okay with Kevin?" He asked, clearing his throat. You felt his eyes on you, scanning your body as if searching for any signs out of the ordinary.
You were searching for your phone charger in your bag. "Yeah, it was good. Whatâwhat happened with you?" You asked and lifted your eyes to meet his as you fondled the cord between your fingers.
He stuck his tongue in his cheek. "Well," he drawled, "Sangyeon offered to send a small group out to scout for any signs of our pursuers from today. In the meantime, we're invited to stay here to recuperate for a couple days. If not, then they'll restock our supplies and help us out of here."
"I'm guessing you already made a decision." You paused when you realized there weren't any outlets in this room. Anywhere. A curse fell from your lips and you dumped your cord and dead cell phone into your bag.
"I figured you could use the rest," he said.
Your head whipped upward.
He arched a brow at you. "If that's alright with you."
Was he really asking you? No buts, no ifs, no snark? "Yeah, that's fine with me."
"Maybe a couple days here will be good for your frail, human body anyway."
There it is. You rolled your eyes so far back, you swore you saw your brain waving at you. "And maybe some fake demon sleep will make you less grouchy."
You thought he smiled. It could have been a trick of the light or sleep deprivation. "Whatever."
Just when it seemed like he was about to turn and leave, he stopped. "Kevin's taken a liking to you."
You stilled, attention piqued. "Really? How could you tell?"
Changmin gauged your reaction, and again, you couldn't quite tell what he was thinking. "You need to sleep."
"Wait, you're just gonna ignore myâand he's gone." You huffed and collapsed onto the bed. It was awfully comfortable.
Leave it up to Changmin to leave you high and dry like that.
You rolled over the surface of the bed to close your door. Quietly, you went around the room to close the knobs of the lanterns to put out the lights like Kevin had showed you earlier. The only light now came from outside the window, the campfire and lanterns in the pack center streaming through the shutters to create an elongated stripe pattern along the walls and floors.
You climbed into bedâit was a strange, but welcomed feeling.
Only a couple days without a bed, yet it felt like years had passed. You could only hope you didn't wake up to a demon at your throat this time.
#7âTHE ONLY ONE.
WOLVES BEAT EVEN THE SUN from her slumber, you came to find out. The next morning, you rolled out of bed to hear the sound of muffled voices outside your window. Your body ached in places you didn't even think they could ache, and you stretched your arms up over your head as you opened the shutters.
Just a little off from your window stood a small gathering of creatures, both in human and wolf forms. You recognized Kevin as one of the human ones among them. It was the noise of your open shutter that had him turning his head up toward your window. He saw you there, and a smile blossomed on his face, bright and easy. He wasn't wearing a shirt again, as was the other man standing beside him. The other two in their group were wolves.
Kevin waved at you, catching the attention of the others with him. The man beside him beamed and waved, too.
You chuckled to yourself and returned the gesture.
Kevin beckoned you down with his hand.
You searched the window sill for the latch, muttering in triumph when you managed to notch it open.
He had walked over to stand directly below your window by the time you stuck your head out. "Good morning!" He chirped. "Good sleep?"
"Good morning, and so far I think so," you mused, unconsciously smoothing down your hair. You hadn't even checked the state of your bed head. Yikes.
"There's breakfast in the pack house if you'd like," he offered. "I can walk you over?"
You leaned your cheek against your fist. "Sounds great. Give me some time to get ready."
"Take your time!"
You locked the window back up, dropped the shutters, and hurried to get changed. It occurred to you, as you were getting yourself prepped and primed to face another day in a new world, that you hadn't felt so giddy in awhile. And about a boy nonetheless. The skip in your step was crazy to you, andâdid you even have anything nice to wear?
You just managed to yank one of the nicer of your graphic tees over your head when you heard a knock at the door.
"Just a second!" You called, carding your fingers through your hair and separating into three so you could braid it out of your face.
You ripped the door open. "Hi."
Changmin stood on the other side looking slightly refreshed with his dark hair damp and plastered over his forehead. His eyes narrowed slightly at your lightened countenance, the way you actually cared about how you were doing your hair, the⊠everything. He sent you a look. "Breakfast is in the pack house, but I have a feeling you already knew that."
"Yeah, I was just headed down, actually." You stepped out into the hallway with him, closing your bedroom door behind you. Clyde sat in your pocket, replacing where your phone would have been stashed had it any use.
He cocked his head to the side. "You seem a lot moreâŠ" He made a gesture with one of his hands. "Alive."
"Well, considering I don't have magic regenerationâ"
"Forget I said anything," he said, shaking his bangs from his eyes and beginning to walk down the corridor toward his room. "Go get sustenance, Yn."
A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips. You watched him disappear into his room before you made your way to the stairs.
Kevin was waiting for you in the lobby, perking up when you appeared on the stairway landing and made your descent. He took a couple steps to meet you in the middle, and you noticed that he had found a shirt to put on. Damn. "Hope you like waffles," he said as the two of you fell into step beside each other to head out of the inn.
"Love 'em."
It seemed that the entirety of Moonstone Creak was awake, even at such an early hour. The sun had yet to even clamber up above the treetops, leaving the sky a soft mesh of purple and orange. The air was as fresh as it had been yesterday, cool and pure, washing your lungs and waking you up some more.
"Is everyone awake so early?" You asked him, inhaling as much of the peace as you could.
Kevin nodded. "Pretty much, unless you're just coming back from a night watch. We usually encourage the pups to come out and exercise with us."
"Us?"
"The pack's primary watch," he clarified. "You probably saw me talking to a few of them earlier."
"Ah," you hummed. "That's nice though. You're all such a lovely community⊠It's refreshing."
His eyes twinkled as he smiled at you. "Thank you. I like to think we're a really big family."
You could see as much. By the way Kevin greeted all of his fellow pack members, a part of you wondered what it might have been like to grow up somewhere like this instead of always chasing after safety and security.
You and your sister had always got by somehow, but it had never been like this. With your parents gone so early in both of your lives, you only really had each other to rely on, besides the occasional aunt and uncle who took turns caring for the both of you until your sister turned 18. And now with your sister gone?
For some reason, it felt like you were still taking care of her in death. But perhaps that was the cost of seeking closure.
You weren't sure what you were expecting when they said pack house, but what you saw was about what it sounded like it was going to be. It was similar to the inn and many of the buildings around the area with its log cabin likeness, but this one was much, much larger. You could hear the squeals of children from out here, and there were smaller wolves chasing each other's tails around the wraparound porch. A few stopped to sit and cock their heads at you as you passed, their tails tick-tocking behind them.
It was strange seeing wolves carry around infants and toddlers in their hulking jaws, too, and Kevin chuckled when you almost stopped in your tracks. "It's no harm to them, don't worry."
"Yeah," you laughed nervously, fingering the pendant at your sternum. "It'll take some getting used to. Are you born as a wolf or as a human?" You asked him as the two of you stepped up the front steps of the porch and walked through the entryway.
"Dependsâwoah, hey guys. Careful!" Kevin clicked his tongue as he caught and lifted one of the younger boys off his legs just before he accidentally knocked over a table holding a vase of flowers.
The kid and his friend giggled as Kevin put him down away from the table. "Sorry Kevin!" And they were gone, out the front door.
He shared a smile with you, cupping the back of his neck. "Where was I?" He gestured to your right down a hallway; you could smell the sweetness and buttery goodness of breakfast. "Oh, right. It depends: since wolves and humans are mammals, giving birth is a little easier than other non-mammal shifters."
"Non-mammal shifters?" Your eyebrows shot up. "What other shifters exist?"
"Any you can think of, to be honest," he said. "All pups learn about their own growth and development though, especially since learning to shift and stay in touch with both their animal and human sides is so integral. It would probably be better if I connected you with someone who identifies as female to talk about birth specifically though," he admitted.
The kitchen was painted a pale shade of yellow that reflected the golden rays of sun and made the whole room much warmer and brighter. There was a mishmash of wolves and humans milling about the central island where a buffet-style breakfast was being served. The variety of food before you was enough to make evenâas you liked to thinkâChangmin's mouth water. (He didn't need to eat, your ass. You saw the blueberry pancakes on the far end and wondered if he had some yet.)
Kevin passed you one of the plates stacked at the end before grabbing one for himself. "Lily, thank you for breakfast!"
Lily, you identified, was the woman leaning against the sink with a pale blue apron tied around her waist and baby bump. "You're welcome! Haknyeonie helped out, too."
Haknyeon's blond head poked in from where he was partly hiding in the butler's pantry, his cheeks stuffed with food. "Hm?"
You laughed to yourself as you started off by transferring a waffle to your plate. "Yes, thank you so much for breakfast. It looks delicious."
"Oh, no need for that," Lily beamed as she came over to the island across from you and put more food onto your plate. "Take more, please. We have so much to go around."
"Oh," you blinked, watching Kevin start to pile things onto his own plate. "It's so much; I don't want to take more than I can finishâ"
"I'll help you finish," Kevin offered, shoving a strawberry into his mouth. "I'm sorry if it seems like we're pressuring you, though. I guess we're all just used to making sure the other is fed around here."
You could melt like a slab of butter between two warm hotcakes. "Thank youâI appreciate the thought."
Kevin ruffled your hair as the two of you continued around your tour of the island. "Of course."
From the entryway you had just come in, Sangyeon arrived whistling an offhanded tune under his breath. "Good morning, everyone!"
"Good morning!" Chorused around the kitchen at differing intervals as everyone greeted their pack alpha.
Sangyeon beelined around the island and over to Lily, the two of them exchanging fond touches and a warm kiss in greeting. "Morning, love."
"Good morning," Lily said. "Eaten yet?"
The dots connected in your head and you nudged Kevin as the two of you finished up at the island. "Lily and Sangyeonâ?"
"Yeah, she's our alpha female," Kevin confirmed. "Six months pregnant. They celebrated nuptials about a year ago."
"Ah." You didn't mean to stare, but they were such a beautiful couple. Though you thought Sangyeon's smile was warm, it was nothing compared to the one he saved just for his partner.
He must have felt your eyes on him, and he lifted his gaze to yours while he held one of Lily's hands. "Yn, sleep well?"
Your eyes widened. "Oh, uh, yes. Yes, thank you."
"All of your accommodations are to your satisfaction, I hope?"
"More than satisfied," you stammered with a sheepish smile; he was talking to you, right? Everything was way beyond what you had been living with for the past couple of days. A demon-infested motel or this? Well, no competition there. You could still feel the impression of Changmin's passenger seat in your back.
Sangyeon nodded. "Good, I'm glad to hear that. I was hoping to speak with you and Changmin after breakfast about your situation. It'll be with myself and my closest advisors, plus the two of you."
"Yes, of course," you said. "Does Changmin already know?"
"I'll have someone run and let him know."
You and Kevin were dismissed to go forth with breakfast. The two of you settled in a room next door to the kitchen fitted with a long dining table that reminded you of a cartoon rich people banquet table. You sat adjacent to each other, Kevin at the head, and you with the seat to his left.
You smeared butter over the slots of your waffle. "Do I have to worry about what Sangyeon's gonna talk about at the meeting?"
Kevin shoved his bite into his cheek. "To my knowledge, no, but if you're worried, Sangyeon's advisors are a pretty cool crowd."
"Oh yeah?" You asked.
His lips turned up as he chewed. "Mhm," he hummed before swallowing, "I should know since I'm one of them."
Sangyeon had an office deep within the first floor of the pack house. It was tucked away somewhere between the living room in the back and the door down to the wine cellar. (Kevin joked that the first pack alpha had planned the layout of the first floor deliberately.)
Following your hearty breakfast, you found yourself seated in one of the armchairs in the leader's office chambers, amongst Changmin (in the chair next to you) and the other members of the so-called inner circle. Kevin lingered nearby, leaning against the office's hearth with his arms and ankles crossed idly. It seemed that the advising board included not just Kevin, but also Jacob, Lily, and someone named Juyeon. You learned that he was out on night guard when you came in last night, so you weren't able to properly meet him until now.
Sangyeon stood next to the office chair seated behind the grand, mahogany desk; Lily was automatically given the chair because of her pregnancy, and because she'd been working all morning. "Concerning the white sedan you said was trailing after you two yesterdayâ" he said, "ânone of our scouts could follow a solid scent past the freeway entrance. It was interesting, actually."
Changmin leaned forward onto his forearms. "How so?" He asked, eyebrows creasing.
Sangyeon nodded to Juyeon, who filled in, "Well, we couldn't figure out what their scent is."
"How is that even possible?"
You blinked, brain whirring into overdrive. There was something you were missing yet again. What was the context here?
Kevin stepped over to your side and murmured to you, "We can usually pick apart scents to identify the layers, so this is why it's⊠concerning."
"Ah," you nodded. "Thanks."
"It was distinct for sure," Juyeon supplied with a vague gesture of his hands, "but it was nearly impossible to tell what species they were. It was easy enough picking apart the entity from the car smellsâ" Exhaust fumes, metal, seats, you assumed, "âand we could follow the smell as far as the entrance to the highway you guys came from, butâŠ" He shook his head. "No-go. In all my years, I've never come across anything like it."
The helplessness that settled into the grooves of the room made you squirm, and your fingers fondled the red pendant at your collar again. Here was a space of the all-powerful, and yet, something as simple as a scent was throwing them all for a loop. You couldn't begin to wrap your head around the implications, because, wellâyou didn't know the implications.
(Dark. You were always sitting in the dark.)
Changmin passed you a glance, and you couldn't tell what he was thinking, as usual. "There has to be a way to somehow analyze it. Could we consult a witch?"
"I've already called an old friend," said Lily. "They're on their way over presently."
"Could I see the pendant?" Jacob's voice carried out into the room. Though he himself was soft-spoken, one could not mistake his volume. Everyone's attention cut over to you, and you wanted to be swallowed up by the earth beneath your feet. "If that's okay," he added. "It feels familiar."
"Feels?" You echoed, gripping the stone in your hand. The chain dug into the flesh of your neck as you anxiously yanked on it.
Changmin's eyes darted from the stone to you. "What do you think?"
"What do I think?" You were overwhelmed; that was what you thought. You fisted it in your hand, suddenly reluctant to part with the thing that had caused you so much trouble as of late. You felt⊠an uncanny urge to keep it in your possession. "Uhm⊠you can see it, but I won't take it off."
Your devilish counterpart narrowed his eyes slightly, cocked his head to the side, at your behavior. He didn't say anything though, as if this truly was just all your decision. Perhaps this was because he knew that you weren't exactly buddies with these people yet. In retrospect, they were still strangers, and thus, potential threats to you.
Jacob took easy strides over to you from where he was standing by the desk. He passed you a reassuring smile as he knelt in front of you, close enough that you could see the eyelashes brush his cheeks. There was something warm radiating from him, and you swore you saw a flash of gold in his eyes.
Angel, right.
He rose up on his knees, holding out his hand, but not touching you. "May I?"
You pinched the part of the pendant attached to the chain and stuck it out toward him.
Jacob's eyebrows knitted together as he touched the pendant with only the tips of his fingers. You held your breath throughout the entirety of his assessment. When he finally leaned back onto his haunches, you blinked away whatever angelic warmth still lingered. "Juyeon, come smell the pendant."
Your eyes widened. "Uhmâ"
"Hold on, what?"
"Wait, Jacob."
The latter two responses came from Changmin and Kevin, respectively, the two startling at Jacob's request.
There was a swift exchange of glances between everyone else and the alpha wolves in the room.
Lily said, "Yn?"
"Why are we sniffing the pendant now?" You asked, finding your voice.
Jacob looked up innocently. "Sorry, I probably should have explained myself. I think it might smell like the scent Juyeon was trying to track."
Something in the room shifted. You glanced down at the pendant in your grip and the questions in your head accumulated and accumulated and accumulated. What in Hell did you get me into, Sena?
"Okay," you said, "you can⊠smell the pendant."
You weren't sure why he couldn't smell it from where he was, but he took a couple steps over to you and replaced Jacob's position. Changmin's hand appeared on the arm of your chair as he leaned forward slightly.
Juyeon took a cautionary sniff, and his eyes widened. "That's it. It'sâit was slightly different, but similar enough where it has to be the same entity." He looked up at you. "Is this the only one of its kind?"
You met Changmin's eyes.
He looked away first. "No."
Your gaze became earnest in his direction, and if you could, you would burn twin holes in the side of his head like a snakebite. More shit he hadn't told you. Were you surprised?
No? What did he mean no?
"We need to talk," you forced out of gritted teeth, gripping onto the arm of his chair now.
He passed you a glance. Later.
"Well, we can only really assume that the person following you was most likely after the pendant," Jacob said plainly as he stood from the ground and dusted off his pants. "But now that we know the origin of the scent, per se, it'll make the hunt a little easier."
Sangyeon gave a bob of his head. "Kevin, you're leading the search party for the day."
Kevin's head perked up, hand on the back of your chair. "Butâ"
A single look from his leader made his mouth snap closed.
"Yes, sir," Kevin murmured with a shallow nod of acknowledgement. He gave the back of your chair a small pat, then departed without another word from the office. You thought you could feel his presence leave your side, from the room. All of this feeling⊠was this how the supernatural operated? Was this what a sixth sense entailed all along?
"Juyeonâ" the man in question raised his head, "âgo find where Haknyeon and Eric are." Sangyeon scratched his temple with a sigh that sounded suspiciously like exasperation. "Grab them and round up the pups."
Juyeon brightened. "Are we taking them down to the creak?"
Lily nodded her approval. "Ooh, nice idea. Yn and Changmin, you're both free to join us. It's lovely down there."
You forced your hand to fall away from the pendant, but not before tucking it back beneath the collar of your shirt. It felt too exposed out here, sitting on your sternum for all to see. You nodded though, trying for a small smile. "Sure, sounds nice."
Sangyeon patted the desktop. "Excellent! The two of you can continue to make yourselves at home."
Though this was a physical conclusion to the meeting, your stomach continued to sit uncomfortably. This conversation should not have been over so quickly⊠right? Was there not more to discuss? Perhaps not now then. Maybe it was better to take your time letting this all sink in.
"Ah, before the two of you go join the little ones," Jacob cut in. He shot Changmin a pointed look. "You owe me something."
Changmin roughed a hand through his bangs, but you could have sworn his lips curled up with a smile. "Aish⊠your memory."
"It never fails me when I need it."
You glanced between the two; Changmin did owe you yet another explanation, but if there was something these two planned to settle⊠"What? What is it this time?"
Jacob grinned, and you definitely hadn't been hallucinating when you saw flickers of gold in his irises. "He owes me a sparring match."
a/n: i am clasping my hands in prayer for a reblog, comment, or ask. take a moment to grab a snack, drink some water, and head over to the second part! thanks for reading
read part two here (if it's not linked yet, refresh and it'll be at the top)
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night terrors pt 1
đđ«đąđ đ đđ« đ°đđ«đ§đąđ§đ
nonidol!ji changmin x fem!reader
1.1k words, suggestive/innuendos, swearing, bullet wound + descriptions of blood and stitching, it somehow goes from banter to smth low-key soft ?? i have no idea but changmin got shot đ€Ł mutual attraction??, (1) cheek kiss đ, barely proofread i wrote this on a planeâ
a/n: im sorry jacob im sorry jacob im sorry jacob im sorâ i hate him get hiM OUT (ÂŽĐâăœ
"This is not how I thought this would go the first time," Ji Changmin groaned as his bare back hit the cold floor of your living room. He grimaced, hissing loudly as his hand flew to the aching chunk of skin at his abdomen, lovingly punctured open by a bullet. "Fuck, fuck, fuckâ"
"Funny," you huffed as you stepped over him with a first aid kit in your hands. You lowered yourself to straddle his waist and began digging through the white box for proper supplies. "Me too."
A smirk curled onto his lips as he peered up at you. "Oh yeah?"
"Mhm. But my vision had my hands around your throat. What about you?"
His smile widened. "Funny, my hand was around your neck." He gazed up at you through labored breaths, barely registering the sweat and blood pooling beneath him on the wooden planks. You were above him, just as harrowed, your hair falling messily in your eyes and face, sweat glistening off your forehead and neck, your top half fitted in a tank top that made his inner voice purr.
Any other context. It could have been any other context.
You snapped on a pair of latex gloves and ripped open an antiseptic wipe packet.
"Godâshitâyou're so hot," he slurred, and his hands latched onto the backs of your knees as you pressed the wipe to his open wound. He cried out, fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs, "Jesus Christâ"
"Wrong name," you muttered under your breath and lightened the pressure slightly off the alcohol pad in apology.
Changmin puffed out a huff of air. "You really want your neighbors to hear me screaming your name, pretty girl? 'Cause I can do that instead."
You gave an indulgent roll of your eyes, tossing the bloody wipe to the side and rummaging through the first aid box for the plastic pair of forceps in its depths. "Ever had a bullet yanked outta you before?"
His eyes fluttered shut for a moment. "Yeah. Ever taken a bullet out before?"
"Nope."
An impish smile lifted his lips. "So I'm your first."
"I've never strangled someone either," you quipped, using your forearm to swipe the hair sticking to your forehead so you could bend down slightly and focus your energy on locating this bullet. "Yet."
"I'm getting a feeling you're into choking."
The bullet had pierced through the right side of his abdomen, and you were trying not to focus too much on the toned muscle beneath your palms. The bullet had gone through a couple inches into the flesh, but luckily, it didn't look like you would have to dig for it. "You have a strange determination to find out," you murmured, carefully extracting the bullet from the wound opening.
Changmin's entire body tensed and you could hear how shallow his breathing was. "I have a lot of determination to find out much more about you than just that."
You cocked a brow as the bloodied bullet clattered to the wooden floor and you mentally cursed having to clean all this blood up later. You just had your floors done. "Like what? My favorite color?"
His laugh was raspy. "Favorite color ofâshit! What the flying fuckâ"
You couldn't even try to hide your small smirk as the needle pierced his skin. "Oops."
A muscle feathered in his jaw as you began to, gently, stitch up his wound. "When I can sit up, you will pay."
"Ooh, and I'm so intimidated," you giggled. Your tongue stuck out slightly as you continued to stitch him up.
You suddenly felt his fingers curl around your chin, his thumb grazing against your lip, your tongue. Your breath hitched from surprise. When you lifted your gaze to him in question, you found him already looking at you. "Do that again."
"What?" You stammered.
"You're so pretty when you laugh," he said, not an ounce of insincerity or teasing present.
Oh.
You swallowed, forcing yourself to brush his hand away. "Go back to playing dead," you mused, but your voice had gotten smaller. You couldn't believe you were being shy! And all because he whipped out the shadowy eyes and smooth maneuver.
Surprisingly, Changmin remained quiet as you finished up with the stitches. So far those volunteer hours under Jacob's tutelage were coming in handy. Once you had knotted off the thread, you found a large bandage in the box to cover the wound with. This was swiftly followed by a a couple of layers of gauze for some extra support.
When you were done, you huffed a sigh, swiping up your forehead with your arm. "Don't go anywhere, rockstar," you muttered, absentmindedly patting his chest and clambering to your feet to stumble over to your kitchen to shed your gloves and wash your hands.
You returned to Changmin on the living room floor with a damp kitchen towel. There was so much blood drying on the floor and you could already feel the headache of cleaning chemicals in your skull. That would have to be a problem for tomorrow after you slept.
"Okay, I'm gonna help you sit up," you said to him lowly.
He gave a nod, and you managed to carefully and slowly help him into a position where his back was no longer on the bloody hardwood. His face scrunched up in pain and he gritted his teeth, lightly letting his upper body curl around his knees while you wiped the blood off his skin as best you could.
There was something so intimate about the way you wordlessly took care of him so thoroughly. He didn't ask for anything from you; there you were, cleaning him up, getting him water and painkillers, helping him up onto your couch where he would no doubt bloody the cushions, too.
It was lateâhe could see the sleep tugging at the corners of your eyes. You perched onto the edge of the coffee table in front of him. "Thanks for saving my life," he croaked finally. He didn't know what else to sayâall the bravado and banter had faded as the reality of the situation settled like the blanket of night sky outside of your windows.
You leaned one side of your face into the palm of your hand and spared him a smile. "Thanks for saving mine," you chuckled. "No guy has taken a bullet for me before."
Changmin grinned, the expression muddled with exhaustion. "I'd do it again, just so you know."
You shook your head. "For some reason, I believe you." Your joints ached as you stood up. Instead of walking away like you should have, you braced one hand against the couch cushion and the other behind his head on the back. His eyes flickered to your mouth, his pupils dilating, as you leaned forward and grazed your lips against his cheek.
When you straightened, you realized your heart was palpitating in your chest harder than it had been when you'd hauled him here with a bullet in his body. "I'll get you a blanket."
Changmin could only sit there and nod, a foreign ache of yearning screaming in his chest as he suppressed the urge to lift his hand up and caress the place your lips had been. "Thanks."
a/n: this was my excuse to use that banner or else it would've never seen the light of day
tbz m.list
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the yearning......

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nonidol!lee hyunjae x f!reader
6.7k words (my hand slipped, sorry), fluff, angst, low-key e2l, ex friends 2 implied lovers?, low-key rich kid au, swearing, drinking and drunk talks/crying, a shitty situation, a bitchy ex gf, uhh very low-key hurt/comfort?, lots of mentions of pizza and soft drinks, THE PLOT IS SO RUSHED IM SORRY I CRAMMED.
a/n: requests now closed! whew,,, what a doozy đ im sorry if it feels rushed bc it low-key really was such a rushed and ambitious plot on my part. to the anon who requested it, ik it's not exactly what u asked for and im sorry ><
The pizzeria was like your second home. Maybe it was your home, but you weren't sure if calling a pizza place your home was the best word. It acted as your bubble away from academic responsibilities, family obligations, and anything else you wanted to forget. For the past three years of your college career, you made this place your comfort spot, while also picking up some spare change.
Your friend and co-worker Dae bumped her hip with yours as she passed by you with her hands full of empty plastic cups to refill. "Your group of banshees just walked in," she mused, slipping past you to the fountain drink machine on the bar counter.
Your head perked up and watched the front door on the other side of the room open to let a wave of your friends in. Dae liked to joke that your friend group consisted of a bunch of "banshees" from how loud they could be. You couldn't blame her at all; it was hilariously accurate. On a bad night, the group's volume could reach levels of a nightmare baby being birthed from the Devil's anus.
"Yn-ie!" Chanhee and Jacob waved to you as the group of five made their way through the tight spaces between tables.
"Hey, guys," you greeted them. "You're so lucky a group just left." You nodded toward the circular table in the back corner where your friends often made their home. It was big enough to seat sevenâten, if you squishedâbut it was almost always for you and your friends.
The pizzeria's owner and your boss, Mr. Moretti, usually didn't mind your friends occupying the space. You were pretty sure he was glad your friends were hiding themselves away in the back. (Not because of the merriment, just because of the noise. Some customers just wanted pizza and a quiet night, and you could respect that.)
"Waitress! Waitress!" Changmin screeched, waving one of his hands around like a lunatic.
You came up to the table with an unimpressed look on your face, and Kevin wrestled his neighbor back into this seat. "Okay, so Changmin doesn't get to eat tonight," you drawled and braced your hands on the backs of Sunwoo and Chanhee's chairs.
"I was just wondering how long it takes for someone to get service around here," Changmin jested. He feigned one of those pompous brushes of his hair, mocking one of the rich pricks who had come in here last month thinking that the RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE sign didn't apply to him. Changmin broke into a lopsided grin at your arched brows. "What? I think I'm funny."
Your eyes widened in a silent 'Can you believe this guy?'
"He's sugar high because someone let him get to the cupcakes," Kevin directed his flat gaze to his counterpart, Jacob.
Jacob's hands lifted in innocence. "What? No one was eating them, and he said he was hungry."
"Okay, drinks, folks!" You clapped to regain their attention. You did, after all, have other customers. "What're we feeling tonight?"
A chorus of drink orders flew up into the airâcoke, iced water, Sprite, lemonadeâand you nodded, stepping away to grab them those very beverages. Your friends had all been here enough times to know exactly what was on the menu, so while you stepped away briefly for their drinks, they could deliberate and get back to you as soon as you returned.
Like a well oiled machine, you delivered them their drinks, and Kevin doled out the lineup for tonight.
"You know, I was thinking of painting my nails black," Kevin said as he finished off the order. He held his hand out in front of him, inspecting the state of his bare nails.
Sunwoo straightened in his seat. "We should do it together, hyung!âI mean⊠you could probably paint my nails. I dunno if you should trust me with one of those thin ass brushes."
"You're right," Chanhee chimed in, "we shouldn't."
You snickered to yourself as you left your friends to their own devices and pinned their order sheet to one of the clips hanging in the kitchen window. There was a set of plates set out on the window sill, the bill reading for table three, and you picked it up to take over to them. Dae appeared next to you, tightening her ponytail, and grabbed the dishes for table four right beside it.
With both your hands full, you departed to deliver your respective orders.
As you set the dishes off food down onto table three, you heard the telltale swish of the door opening, and night air flooded into the room. On instinct, you straightened with a smile to greet them. "Hi! Welcomeâ" your voice died on your throat, and when his eyes locked with yours, you stuttered, "âin. For how many?"
Lee Hyunjae brushed a hand through his blond hair, his other arm wrapped around the shoulders of a girl who was unfortunately familiar to you. A couple of the guys with him, you recognized, too, but he was the one who had made you trip over your words.
One of them with jet black hair and kind, feline-like eyes, lifted four of his fingers in a wordless signal.
You nodded, lips set in a firm line, and gestured to the open four-seater at table eight.
You tucked your empty tray beneath your arm, mentally thanking anyone who was listening that his party was seated in Dae's section and not yours. Thank god for odd numbers.
Dae was swift to chirp out her usual cheeriness to the newcomers, and you scurried back over to the register to cash a table's check. As you did so, your eyes flitted up toward Hyunjae's table. He glanced over at you periodically, looking away whenever you were already looking at him.
What the hell was he doing here? You wanted to yell, scream. Out of all the places, out of all the nights, out of all the times⊠how long had it been since you last saw him, you wondered to yourself as you let the bitterness seep into your bones and meld with the marrow. It was a feeling you knew all too well.
You strode over to table seven to set their check down on the edge of the table. Everything in the pizzeria was so close together; it was near impossible not to catch the words being exchanged at table eight.
"âdon't understand why you chose this dump, Hyunjae." That was the girl, the one who's face made you want to throw something at it. Her name was Kyla, and the last time you saw her in person, she had just become Hyunjae's girlfriend.
Sometimes you questioned how they even managed to stay together so long, but then again, people like them deserved each other.
"Eric just wanted pizza, babe," drawled the blond, his arm casually draped over the back of her chair.
The two others seated at the table consisted of the man with jet black hair, and another with a medium-toned brown hair peeking out of a gray hoodie. The latter said, "You guys'll love this place! Their breadsticks are literally the fluffiest things in the world."
A smile curled onto your face at that comment. Now that you thought about it, you'd seen him around before.
You slid over to table one and began stacking the dirty dishes left behind by customers who had gone. Table eight's conversation continued.
"Is it normal to be able to see grease in the air?" Kyla gagged, her nose wrinkling in disgust. She soaked in the close quarters of the restaurant with little appreciation.
The other third wheel at table eight, the one with black hair, lifted his eyebrows. "It's cozy in here, Kyla."
"Yeah, just give it a chance," Hyunjae chimed in.
You brushed past their table to grab table seven's check and hustle it back over to the register. You met Dae at the counter, her hands once again full with cups that needed filling.
A grunt left her lips. "Table eight," she began.
"Yeah," you agreed. "Sheesh."
Her head turned to you over her shoulder. "You know 'em?"
"Unfortunately." You pursed your lips. "It's been awhile," you amended. "I only know the couple at the tableâenough to say, good luck, girl."
Dae made a face, but she pulled her shoulders back to solidify her posture. You always admired her work ethic and her customer service skills. As fellow waitresses during many a dinner rush hour, you both had to deal with your own handfuls of difficult people. At this point, it wasn't difficult to sniff them out from a mile away. There were some days you just wanted them to yell at you and get it over with.
Just as Dae left to go drop off drinks, your friends' order hit the window sill. You tucked the finished bill for table seven into your apron pocket and grabbed the trays to set on the table for your friends.
"You look like you're about to gnaw my fingers off, Jacob," you teased with a twinge of nervousness.
The man grinned at you, with teeth. "I'm hungry."
"Valid." You backed away from the table, and the carnage began.
You laughed, ducking your head, as you left your friends to their feast. You arrived at table seven and wished them a good nightâ
"Do you not have cherry coke? Isn't that, like, a universal fountain drink?"
You glanced over to see Dae's mouth twitch just slightly, but gave nothing else away. "No, we only have regular Coke and Diet Coke; I said that earlier, miss."
Kyla stared at her as if she'd just gotten her puppy revoked. "But they both taste like ass."
"You can have a fruit punch instead," Dae offered.
"But I don't want fruit punch."
You saw that the other two boys at the table fidgeted nervously. They were making eyes at Hyunjae, urging him to do something.
He seemed to lift his gaze to yours at that exact moment and you wondered what he saw in them. Something shifted in him, a silent acceptance of surrender.
The next thing you knew, he was leaning into the conversation. "Ky, you can just get a water or something and then we'll go get a drink after this. How does that sound?"
She threw a look over at him. "I really just want a cherry coke, Hyunjae. If I have to be forced to eat at this place, then the least you could do is get me a cherry coke."
Okay, that was enough.
"Is there a problem here?" You asked, sidling up beside Dae. You saw her loosen up out of the corner of your eye.
Kyla opened her mouth to retort something, but she halted abruptly. Her head cocked to the side, eyes narrowing, like she was trying to figure something out. You knew the moment she recognized you. A slow smile curled onto her mouth. "Oh my god⊠Yn Ln. Mommy and daddy kick you out or something? Why are you working at this dump?"
You were certain your eye started twitching.
Hyunjae grappled her shoulder. "Kyla."
"This is gold," she chirped. "Wow, I didn't think anything good could come of this dinner, butâ" she sneered, "wow. You look awful."
"Takes one to know one," you said with venom dripping from your words. "We have a right to refuse service, ma'am, so if you don't quit badgering my friend and me, then I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
She didn't seem to catch your drift. "No. Get me. A cherry coke."
You suppressed every urge to fuck this girl up. To Dae, you murmured, "Can you cover my tables?"
"For sure, girl," she said, giving you a reassuring clasp on the shoulder. "Should I call Moretti?"
"No, I think we should be fineâ"
"Wait until I tell everyone I know about how absolute ass this place is," Kyla ripped you back out into reality. She had her phone out now, and Eric, the guy in the hoodie, was reaching across the table to stop her.
You weren't allowed to touch her, you reminded yourself. You could do this with just words. No matter how much it killed you to not sucker punch her stupid, pearly whites in. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave," you told her through gritted teeth. "Either you buckle down with your regular Coca-Cola, or you get out."
"How aboutâno."
All breath dissipated from your lungs when you felt the carbonated liquid dumped in your face, the blocks of ice just missing your eyes. The entire establishment seemed to freeze with you.
You scoffed, slowly wiping the soda from your eyes and shaking out your arms. You couldn't seem to form coherent speech.
"What the fuck is going on here?" You recognized Kevin's hardened voice behind you, his hand squeezing your shoulder to tell you he was here.
As Kyla and Kevin dueled it out, you found Hyunjae's eyes again. To his credit, he seemed horrified and apologetic, his mouth parted in shock. But then again, he didn't have much credit anymore in your book.
Your hands fisted. You wanted to yell at him to get out. It had been a decent evening, a good evening, before he and his like came in and threw a drink in your face.
You didn't want to address the burning bitterness that coursed beneath all the annoyance and angerâout of everything, why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he try harder to help you? Why was he with her when he could be with yânevermind. That didn't matter.
Even now, your back still ached from when he'd last left it stabbed.
"Are you okay, Yn-ie?"
You realized that Hyunjae and his party had gone now, and the shop patrons were slowly going back to whatever they had been doing before. Chanhee appeared before you with a couple napkins from the dispenser on the table, and Dae rushed over with a massive roll of paper towels. Your other friends had flocked over, too, to help clean up and also attend to customers while you pulled your shit together.
You gave a nod, finding your voice to tell them so. Your gaze casted briefly toward the front door where you knew he wouldn't ever be stepping back into.
You told yourself that was a good thing.
It was late when you finally pushed out of the back doors of the pizzeria building. Your car was parked out back with many of the other employee cars; it was just a lot more convenient and a lot less traffic. It had been a couple days since the fiasco with Kyla and Hyunjae, and you hadn't heard or seen him once since then.
That was a good thing. It was supposed to be a good thing. After all, why would he suddenly reappear in your life now? What purpose or what significance did that have?
You were going to try and forget about him again. Your life was plenty good without him, and yetâŠ
"Yn."
Speak of the Devil. You swore under your breath as you nearly tripped over the curb. His voice was haunting, as was his presence, his whole silhouette. You'd once found a home with all those thingsâwith him.
You and he stopped beside your car. "What are you doing here?" You asked him.
Hyunjae had his hands shoved into the pockets of his leather jacket. "I, uhm," he began, "I wanted to say sorry."
"Sorry?" You parroted. The word was sticky in your mouth and it clung to all the wrong crevices.
"Yeah, for the other night." He clasped the back of his neck. "I⊠I broke up with her, by the way."
Your eyes widened at his words. He broke up with Kyla? A part of you wanted to pump the sky and jump up and downâfinally. Fucking finally! But there was another part of you, the rational one, who yanked you back to Earth and smacked you in the head to think about it. Three years of dating that girl, and just now he decided to break up with her? What was the tipping point? There was no way he didn't know she acted like a spoiled brat all the time.
What was so good about her anyway? You thought you had understood at the timeâshe had more money, more connections. Her parents were old money rich, not entrepreneurs like yours. It was stupid to think that was the reason, and you couldn't afford to go down that rabbit hole of methodology again.
"So?"
Your singular word seemed to slap him in the face. "So? Iâ" Frustration flickered across his face for a split second. Now he knew how you felt.
You couldn't wait for him to say anything; you had so much to say to him. "Listen Jaehyun," you said plainly. "I don't know what you want from me. You broke up with your girlfriend? Good for you. You're sorry for the other night? Okay. I don't know if you expect me to grovel and praise you for owning up for onceâ"
"Okay, what?" He cut in. "First of all, I don't expect you to grovel or praise me or whatever. Second, what do you mean 'owning up for once?'"
"I mean it exactly like I said it." You clenched the strap of your bag in your hand. Crazy how your car was literally right next to you, but you couldn't get into it. Your feet were glued to the street, and a part of you wanted to know how this ended. "The last time I saw you, Kyla laughed in my face, and you encouraged her. You dropped me like our years of friendship meant jack shit to you. I don't know what you're trying to pull, Jaehyun, and I don't wanna know."
Hyunjae leaned his head back, eyes closed for a second. "Yn, it's so much more complicated than that."
You stuck your tongue in your cheek. "That's such bullshit, and you know it. You don't get to come back and tell me this." There was a shakiness in your voice now, and you knew you had to get going or risk yelling. "That's just not fair."
"I know it's not fair."
"Good."
"Fine," he bit out. "I don't even know why I'm here."
Your hand found purchase on the driver's side door. Say something. Give me a reason to stay. "Maybe your sense of guilt has finally returned and your brain wanted to make amends."
He rolled his eyes, and it felt like a stab in your chest. "I'm going to leave now."
"Thank god." The words tasted sour in your mouth and you realized that he hadn't given you a reason to stay; in fact, it had been the exact opposite.
You both went your separate ways again. When you clambered into your car and watched him walk away through your rear view, it dawned on you that the entire conversation had been one massive circle. You wanted to hear him outâof course, you did.
You used to know him, after all. You used to know him so well. And perhaps that was why you hadn't just now.
"We need to talk."
A pair of hands slammed down on your desk and you nearly fell out of your chair. You tugged your earbuds out of your ear to give whoever this was a piece of yourâ
You frowned. "Oh. It's you."
Hyunjae frowned back at you. He was wearing a jean jacket today, hair styled presentably. He didn't have to look so good in this lighting, but you supposed even the sun liked to favor him. "Yes, it's me. Can you get up so we canâ" He nodded out toward the library window beside you, "âtalk?"
"So you want us to jump out the window?"
"You are so annoying."
Your smile was saccharine. "Not as annoying as you."
It had currently been around fifteen hours since he showed up at the back alley to confront you with that sorry apology. You'd woken up this morning less mad and more sad⊠smad. Sure, you were smad. It seemed that a night of sleep hadn't deterred your ex-best friend from talking to you, and you couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing.
"You don't even go to this school," you told him in a pathetic attempt to wave him away without actually waving him away.
"This is a public campus, Yn." He pulled out the seat across from you before you could protest. "I don't have to go to this school."
You scowled. The organ in your chest was beating awfully fastâyou really hoped you weren't about to get in a screaming match with him here of all places. "What do you want, Hyunjae? You can't just show up everywhere I go unannounced."
"I don't do that."
"I'm starting to think you're obsessed with me, actually."
"Will you justâ"
"Heya, Yn." Relief flooded through you at the sight of Changmin and Sunwoo walking up to your table. The former narrowed his eyes behind his dark-framed glasses. "Everything okay?"
You flipped your notebook closed and swiftly packed all of your items up. "Yeah, perfectly," you said. Hyunjae didn't follow as you stood up. "Bye, Hyunjae."
As you walked toward the library exit, Changmin and Sunwoo converged on either side of you. "What was that all about?" Sunwoo asked, his head peering behind you at the boy who was no doubt still sitting at the table. "Why is he here?"
You shook your head and pushed out onto the university grounds, propping the door open for your friends trailing behind. "Dude, I have no idea. He dropped by on my way out of work last nightâ"
"He what?"
"It wasn't even a productive conversation," you told them. You didn't know where you were going, but you turned around to face them as you walked backward along the path. Maybe you shouldn't have just left him there. "I don't even know how he knew I was at the library."
Changmin's mouth quirked downward. "Isn't this like⊠kind of creepy? What's with him anyway?"
"Yeah, Yn, how do you know him?" Sunwoo chimed in.
You sighed, face scrunching up as you thought about where to begin. Swiveling back to front, your friends clung onto youâboth physically and to your words. "Our parents loathe each other, because they're business rivals, but Hyunjae and I went to the same schools when we were kids and we became friends."
It had been the two of you against the worldâbest petty friends. That first time his parents had driven him over to your house for a play date, the looks on both yours and his parents had been priceless. It'd been a wonder that they'd let you continue with the play date. From that point on, however, you both became friends for life, all despite the odds.
At least, that was how it had been.
Three years ago, just before both of you were going to begin your college careers, he had pretended that everything between the two of you was nothing more than dumpster fire. He ended up with Kyla, he became a jerk, and you'd spiraled. Had it been something you'd done? Had it been you? Did his parents open his eyes to your families' petty rivalry and get him to turn on you? That was what it had seemed like.
You'd survived, somehow. You had friends nowâgood friends, nice friends, un-petty friends. (But Hyunjae had been that person for you, too, once upon a time.)
You found yourself in your apartment at six in the evening the next day, staring at a half-drunk glass of wine and a crossword on your coffee table. You'd snatched up one of the newspapers in the lobby to busy yourself with in an attempt to take your mind off thrown cups of coke, bitchy ex girlfriends, and bitter ex friends.
It hadn't worked yet.
A knock on your front door drew your focus away, and you dragged yourself up from the couch to see who it was. Something panged in your chest at the face on the other side of the peephole.
You ripped the door open. "Do you want a restraining order?"
Hyunjae stood on the other side looking a little less put together than yesterday, but still more put together than you. "Yn, can we please just talk?"
"How do you even know where I live?" You asked him, not moving from the threshold, and thus, leaving him no room to come in.
"I literally helped you move in three years ago," he said, blinking. Oh. "Now, can I please come in?"
At least he was saying please, you reasoned with yourself. Begrudgingly, you let him in.
His shoulders seemed to deflate as he slipped inside, and he left his shoes on the show rack by the front door. Once you'd replaced all the locks, you swept past him to your kitchen area. "Want a drink?"
"Uhm, sure. Yeah, thanks."
You came back to the couch with another glass and poured him some of the red.
The two of you sat on the couch beside each other with a comfortable amount of space in the middle. He picked up his glass and chugged the entire thing, while you finished off your own glass and reached for the bottle. It felt so strange to be in his space againâor at least, for him to be in your space again. You didn't know if the jittery kick in your heart was from nervousness, excitement, or both.
What more did he have to say to you?
When you topped your glass off again, Hyunjae refilled his own.
"What do you want from me, Hyunjae?" You asked him for what felt like the hundredth time within the past week. You didn't have the heart to look at him now, the alcohol making your brain buzz and your chest heavy.
He nursed his glass, elbows braced on his knees. "I'm sorry," he said, clearing his throat when his voice came out rough. He fidgeted with the collar of his shirt. "You're probably so fucking tired of me, but I just⊠I knew I had to make things right."
You tugged your legs onto the couch and tucked them under you. "Why? Because you broke up with your girlfriend for throwing soda in my face?" For a moment, the thought amused you. Out of all the things to break up with Kyla forâout of all the thingsâit'd been over Coca-Cola.
Hyunjae swallowed down his wine. "No, that's notâthat's not why I wanted to break up with her. I mean, part of it, of course. She'd disrespected you and your friend and the workplace."
His words and their sincerity drew your eyes to him on your left. His head hung, but you could see the glazed look in his eyes, dulling out those pretty, mahogany irises of his. He looked like your Hyunjae for once, not the one who had appeared in the doorway of the pizzeria with his arm around a girl who didn't appreciate him or anyone.
"And I'm sorry for that," he continued. "I'm sorry I didn't do more to prevent that from happening."
You stared down into the dark stillness of your wine glass. "Well, it wasn't exactly your fault," you said quietly.
You heard him huff, "Yeah, sure." He lifted the glass up to his lips again, and you did the same.
"The little altercation was recorded and posted online," Hyunjae suddenly said. "And when my parents saw, they pretty much backed out of the partnership between our company and Kyla's parents'. They didn't let me break up with her before because of the contract or whatever, but after that PR nightmare, they pretty much cut ties for me."
He took another swig, and you found yourself really looking at him this time.
"I was and have been an asshole to you, Yn," he said. "And it's no excuse, but it was⊠I was just trying to make it easier for both of us."
The wine was penetrating your defenses. Or maybe that was his story. But either way, the stinging in the corners of your eyes led to a watering of your vision, and everything was getting blurry. The lights, him, your whole view of the situation. His parents hadn't turned him, but shackled him instead.
"I thought," you began, lifting a hand up to wipe your eyes dry, "you hated me."
Hyunjae raised his head, shaking it, then hanging it again. He drank. "I couldn't hate you. I triedâI tried to make it easier to see you differently, but⊠Yn, you were my best friend." His voice broke at the end and he swallowed. "I thought about you so much these past few years, and it was so hard to get through it without you."
Your heart was sinking fast into your stomach and you could feel it hammer against your bones. You'd thought about him too much, as much as you loathed to admit. The man who you felt had simply thrown you away⊠how pathetic was it that you couldn't stop caring? But now, the lens was widening. Maybe your feelings weren't so unique.
Both you and Hyunjae moved at the same time, arms raising to drain your glasses of the last bits of wine.
You told yourself it was the wine that was making you want to cry, but when you and Hyunjae looked at each other, his eyes were lined with silver. He sniffled, setting his glass on the coffee table. "I'm sorry," he whispered, biting his lip when emotion made him screw his face up and turn away from you.
You put your glass next to his and clambered over the sofa to wrap your arms around him. He turned his face into your chest and sobbed, the sound coaxing a crest of emotion out of you, too, and you held him and rocked him through the oncoming waves.
It was the wine, you thought. God it was the wine. It had to be the wine.
But your best friend was here in your arms, where he belonged, you liked to think. He was home.
You curled your hand over the back of his head, your cheeks damp. "'m sorry they forced you into that relationship," you rasped. The bitterness was sweeping back in a different color. "I wish I knew."
He sniffled. "They threatened to do something to your parents' company. I couldn'tâI couldn't let you and them get involved."
The confession stabbed through you. You had no idea what his parents had told him, and made him do, for the sake of business. You had no idea how unhappy he was, and godâyou wished you'd known. Maybe things wouldn't have come to such hurt.
Hyunjae pulled himself away from you and wiped his eyes. "I think after all that shit, I'm a little fucked up."
The both of you shared a watery laugh, the space that had originally been left between you, nonexistent.
You cupped the sides of his face. "You made it though, and you've been so strong, Jae."
His bottom lip trembled. "Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yeah," you nodded. "Yeah, I forgive you." How could you not? And it was the wineâyou swore it was the wineâthat had you leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his hairline. His eyes fluttered shut as he leaned into you, his hand reaching up to cover your hand with his own.
"I like you a whole lot better than her," he murmured.
"I'd hope so," you mused, patting his cheek. "You deserve to have someone so much better than her."
He gulped, eyes searching your face. "You think so?"
"I know so."
Your heartbeat stuttered when he leaned forward slightly. You could smell the wine on his breath as it fanned over your skin. It felt as if the world slowed in that momentâthe lights were dimmer, his eyelids low, lips shiny and plush.
And then he blinked, energy and alarm and⊠something else in his expression. He pulled out of your hold and his ears turned bright red. "I should go."
Your lips parted. "Waitâ"
He practically leapt off the couch and banged his knee against the wall as he hobbled into his shoes. "DamnâIâ" he opened the front door, pausing over the threshold. You didn't know why he was leaving; you wanted him to stay. Why, why, why was he leaving? "I, uhm, I've overstayed my welcome."
The door rattled as he closed it behind him, as if to tell you to not follow him out. You were left on the couch alone again, two empty glasses of wine, feeling stripped.
What the hell was that?
"And he just⊠left?"
You nodded, sweeping the apron around your waist over the hook in the back room of the pizzeria. It was late when yours and Dae's shift ended, as per usual. The shop was pretty much closed, leaving the two of you and two of the cooks who usually closed up the establishment when you both left.
For the entirety of your shift, you had been turning over yesterday's events over and over again. "I don't know what I did wrong, y'know? Maybe I crossed a boundary or something? I dunno."
Worry gnawed at your stomach as you recalled what happened to Dae. You both stepped out of the back of the building to head to your respective cars. It was dark out, as it usually was, with a few street lights along the road that you and Dae stuck to while walking.
As you approached your car, you noticed Hyunjae standing beside it with his hands tucked in his pockets and his head turned toward you. Rather than the sourness you'd felt for him at the beginning of the week, the feeling twisting in your chest was sweeter, but bitter still.
"I'll see you tomorrow then," Dae said to you softly with a gentle nudge of your arm. She walked ahead of you and passed by your car to get to hers, leaving you to confront the man plaguing your every thought for the past week.
You swallowed as you made your way over to the driver's side door where he was standing. "Hey."
Hyunjae gave a slight bob of his head. "Hey."
"Did I do something wrong yesterday?" You asked him, earnestly, searching his face for any hint as to why he had left so abruptly.
"No, it wasn't your faultâit definitely wasn't your fault," he told you. He sucked in a breath, carding a hand through his hair. "I had an epiphany of sorts."
"An epiphany?" You furrowed your brows.
His cheeks had flushed slightly, and he couldn't exactly meet your eyes. "I thought it was just the alcohol clouding my judgment, and in combination with all the emotions, and I justâ" he shook his head. "It's probably not important, butâŠ"
You bumped your elbow with his. "Jae, you're here. It probably is important."
A small smile curled up onto his face. "Y'know," he began, finally lifting his head to look you in the eyes, "she would have agreed with me and brushed me off."
You knew who the "she" he was talking about was. You frowned. "She was never good enough for you, Hyunjae."
"I know." He sighed. "I just wanna be enough for you though now."
Surprise lit across your face, and you could feel the butterflies in your stomach start to take flight. You couldn't think coherently with his words, and you were probably reading into it too much. The two of you had been away so long that you probably forgot how to read him; there was no doubt that something changed over the past three years, right?
When you failed to find a reply, he shifted slightly, his body facing straight toward you. "I've had a lot of time to think, and the whole time I was with her, I just kept comparing her to you." He stepped closer to you and his hand reached out to tentatively take your fingers with his. "She never measured up; maybe that made me even more bitter for ruining our friendship."
You met his eyes. There was that glimmer of the rich brown like what you'd seen last night. (Your Hyunjae was present and accounted for.) "What⊠what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I," he said, fully taking your hands with his, "would like to start over on a slightly different note. But if you don't feel the same, we can start wherever you're comfortable with."
It would be different, you realized. But it would be a good different, right?
You found your voice, curled your fingers around his in the space between you. "Okay."
His smile slowly widened, his eyes squinting into upturned crescent moons. "Okay?"
You nodded, returning the expression. "Let's start over on that different note."
The pizzeria was as alive as usual. It was warm, smelled like tomatoes and cheese and bread, and it was still your home away from home. You had just finished your break and were tying your apron back on when Dae bumped her hip against yours as she passed by with a tray of dirty dishes.
"Your banshees just got in," she said, before disappearing through the kitchen doors.
Your gaze went to the door where you found your five friends, and the additional three, who were filing in altogether. You made eye contact with one person in particular, his smile softening into something fond at the corners of his mouth. He lifted a hand in greeting, grabbing everyone else's attention as they said their hellos to you.
The eight of them made their way over to the round table in the back corner, piling into the chairs around it.
"Waitress! Waitress!" The hyena-like sound set off an alarm in your head and you came over to the table to give Changmin a stink eye. He grinned innocently. "Oh yay, it worked."
You gave him an unimpressed look. "You sound like a chihuahua."
"Joke's on you, I think chihuahuas are cute," he huffed, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest.
You braced your hand on the back of Hyunjae's chair, the other one gently patting the top of his head. He acknowledged your greeting, his hand reaching up to cover yours on the chair back. "What's to drink, y'all?"
A chorus of beverages rang out, and you mentally counted the few repeats and the singles. You promised to be right back, and left to go grab them. As you went, you could hear your boys start up a lively debate about the multipurpose properties of the lemon. You wondered if that was what they had been bickering about on the car ride over here, and you heard Eric say something about lemons for cleaning; Juyeon just said lemonade; and Changmin said for inflicting "more pain." (No, you didn't want to know.)
When you returned to their table to pass out your drinks, you went around, leaving Hyunjae for last. You set his cup of coke in front of him and he passed you a smile.
"You're not gonna dump that on me, are you?" You asked, eyes narrowing playfully.
He grinned. "As long as you don't dump me, we're good."
Sunwoo made a face from across the table. "Yuck, get a room!"
Chanhee smacked him upside the head. "At least they have someone to be yucky with."
"This feels familiar somehow," Kevin pondered aloud. "Like déjà vu."
Jacob shrugged. "Maybe in another universe. I dunno, it seems like something we would have said to Sunwoo at some point."
"Hey!â"
You were halfway through a laugh when Hyunjae caught your attention, twisted around in his chair to smile up at you. "What's up?" You asked him.
His eyes, you could never get sick of his eyes. They glistened in the lighting here. "Nothing," he said swiftly, "I'm just⊠happy to be here." With you.
You understood, and you caught his hand on the back of the chair and gave him a little squeeze. "I'm happy you're here, too." It seemed that some things were just meant to come full circle.
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once again i just never got around to reading but i want to :")
đ đ„đąđđđ„đ đŠđđ«đđČ
lee hyunjae x gn!reader
1.3k words, suggestive, kissing/making out, he's uhm shirtless pffft đ€Ł, swearing, est. relationship au
a/n: idk how this ended up in my google docs istg đ§đ»ââïž
The bathroom door opened with a trail of steam wafting out, and clung to the polished wood floors of yours and Lee Hyunjae's bedroom. You glanced up only once with the sort of nonchalance you had been employing this entire day, eyes flickering up to the man emerging from the heat for a second and no longer, before returning to the book propped open in your hands.
You felt his eyes on you, the weight of his stare so blatant that you almostâalmostâgave in.
"Yn-ie," he hummed in amusement, his hand braced on the bathroom doorknob.
"Hm?" In your head, you had to enunciate every word on the page to keep focus. Or at least, some semblance of focus.
He gave a soft chuckle, letting go of the knob and disappearing into the closet just beside the bathroom door. Your pounding heart sobered just a little when his gaze left you, and you were able to regain focus. You just needed to last until morning, and you would win the stupid, light-hearted bet the two of you had made last night. It was something about Hyunjae being as distracting as he was. If you could last a day without giving into him⊠well, you got bragging rights. Again, it was something stupid, it was immature⊠and yet, the two of you were taking it far too seriously.
You had a feeling he was about to ramp it up though.
The closet light turned off and you heard Hyunjae's feet as he padded his way across the room over to where you were propped up against the bed's headboard.
You still didn't pay him any mind as he settled on the edge of the bed right next to you, the mattress dipping slightly as he took a seat.
His hand came down softly over your upper right thigh, his palm warm and firm. You were hyper-aware of the fact his thumb was rubbing circles into your skin and his other fingers were curled around the inside of your thigh. "Hey, baby. You listening to me?"
On instinct, you lifted your head, and you almost gave yourself away right then and there.
Dear fucking god, the visual in front of you would have brought you to your knees in an instant if not for the stupid bet. Here he wasâdark brown curls messy and damp, his legs clad in a pair of low-hanging gray sweats, his hard and carved chest bare for you to fully admâ
Focus.
You caught yourself, stumbling only once. You met his laughing eyes. "Of course I'm listening," you sniffed, smiling. "Have a nice shower?"
"Yeah," he sighed. "Missed you though. There were some places that needed your touch, babe."
"Ah, is that so?" You teased, eyes returning to your book. What was going on again? Something about Moriarty strikingâ
Your breath hitched as Hyunjae suddenly rose up and threw one of his legs over you. You held your breath the entire time it took for him to slowly mount himself over you, straddling your thighs, until all you had was an eyeful of hard-earned muscle and flesh. You swallowed, hard.
"How's the book?" He asked with a laugh in his voice, all while bracing his hand against the headboard behind you and peering down at the pages of your book with you.
You stammered, "Fantastic."
"Really?" He lifted his eyes to yours. And goddamn it Hyunjae, he held that eye contact as he brought his thumb to his mouth and licked the pad of it. He then used it to flip the page backward. "I think you might need to read it over again."
A nervous feeling bubbled up in your chestâyou were not about to lose this bet. Not when you were so close to winning. "Want me to read it to you?"
"Sure."
"Do you mind?" You gestured to his position on top of you. Dear god, why was it so fucking hot all of a suddenâ?
Hyunjae's mouth spread into a wolfish grin, dark eyes blown wide sparkling with utter mischief and triumph. He knew he had you. "No, I don't mind at all. Go on, honey; I'm very comfortable."
The expression on your face probably read something along the lines of ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? And it only spurred Hyunjae on more as he licked his lips between grins. He leaned back a bit then, but only to casually stretch his arms over his head, that eye contact never breaking. (Okay, well, it broke when you went to watch the literal muscles in his arms flexâ)
"You're being unfair," you grunted. The book in your hands lowered to your lap.
He giggled then, cute and giddy. It was a terrible contrast to his physical appearance. "All's fair in love and war, baby. Is this you waving your white flag?"
You rolled your eyes. "Not a chance." To be fair, as soon as he sat down without a shirt on, you had lost. But you weren't about to admit that; he had to work for it.
His eyebrow cocked upward, tongue sticking out of his mouth as he leaned forward again. His thumb met the corner of your lips. "You're drooling."
"You're so annoying," you muttered. But you didn't push him away.
In fact, you let him trace your bottom lip with the tip of his thumb. He bit his own, his thumb pressing into your lip and watching intently at how plump it was. "You love it," he murmured back at you.
You did. You really fucking did.
"Can I kiss you and we call it even?"
Your eyebrows flew upward, book discarded as you crossed your arms over your chest. "Absolutely not."
He pouted. "Aw, so I still kiss you and I win then?"
"Hyunjae," you said through a small laugh. Oh, you were so going to lose, but why did you hate it and love it at the same time?
He beamed then, hand moving to cup your cheek and caress your cheek. "I haven't gotten to kiss you all day, baby. Give a man a break, hm? A little mercy."
Your mouth widened, albeit unwillingly, into an embarrassingly large grin, partially out of disbelief. "Mercy? Oh, you want to talk about mercy?"
Hyunjae laughed. "Yes! You literally left for work this morning without kissing me and I've been trying to think of all the ways you could make it up to me after I've won."
"Youâ" You huffed, speechless. Your brain was a glorified puddle at the moment. "And your first thought was to climb into my lap?"
"Technically, my first thought was the shirtless thing. And you can't blame meâwhenever you climb into my lap, I can't help myself."
Your smile turned into something shy as you realized just how right he was.
Hyunjae cooed, puckering his lips as he grasped your chin. "Aw, baby's gone shy now, hm?"
You somehow found the strength to weakly brush his hand away. "I hate you."
"Mm, okay. Say I believe you. Can I kiss you?"
Oh, you were hitting yourself over the headâyou sighed, pressing a hand to your forehead. "Fine."
He let out a delighted, little sigh, "Thank god." He wasted absolutely no time at all, bracing his palms against the bed on either side of your body to lean over your body and crush his mouth against yours. There was something admittedly satisfying about finally being able to feel home in a person once again.
Your arms came up around his neck and tugged him down to you, because if he wanted this, he would have to come to you. After all, he won the bet. But maybe you didn't care anymore.
Hyunjae's brows furrowed as he pressed himself harder against you, coaxing a hum of approval from your throat. Your toes curled at the dizzyingly perfect pressure of his lips against yoursâhis shampoo was suffocating your lungs, his hands now moved to grapple at your waist, your hips, to pin you down in place and anchor himself like a sailor gone overboard.
You gently nipped at his bottom lip, and he rewarded you with a soft moan. "I thinkâ" he breathed haggardly between languid kisses, "âthat we both win."
He tasted your laughter on his tongue, and it practically made him ascend. "You know what? I think you're right."
a/n: DKFNKS OKAY IN MY DEFENSE....... I HAVE NO DEFENSE.
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nonidol!lee hyunjae x fem!reader
your best friend hyunjae ain't no romeo, but you're still in love... so let's hope he doesn't find out you wrote a whole play about him!
â· genre, warnings. bffs2l, fluff, angst, comedy/humor, swearing, college au, pining, hyunyn r kinda franchise movie buffs, shirtless hyunjae......, slow burn-ish lol, if ur a theater kid i am so sorry, stress and academic pressures, mentions of a bitter ex-friendship and ex-relationship, sabotaging and low-key terrorizing by an ex-friend, kissing, insecurity, lots of jargon i looked up and hope i'm using correctly, massive leaps in time and multiple chapters that span one day đ, denial is a river in egypt so ig hyunjae's in egypt
â· total wc. 30.9k (i actually overshot this one r we surprised 0_0)
this is the fourth installment of the love in unity series! this can be read as a standalone, but there will be references to other fics, and all prev and future yns will be referred to as __!yn !! i do recommend reading at least one of the prior storylines ;')
a/n: mmmmmmmmmm idk what to say but have fun bye!!! AND REBLOG FOR GOD'S SAKE REBLOG PLEASEâ
EPISODE ONE (PILOT): ONE ON ONE
âHAVE you always wanted to be a playwright?â
The question caught you off guard as you glanced up from your tablet screen, the white blue-light contrasting sharply against the warm amber radiating from the small, battery-operated lamp seated on the plastic folding table. There were a couple of technical issues going on behind the curtain at the moment, so the transition to the next person auditioning would be delayed by a couple minutes. In retrospect, it was nothing, but when you were already a couple weeks late behind schedule, a couple of minutes was everything.
A young and bright second-year student sat to your right in the middle rows of the university performing arts center nosebleeds. She was peppy and eager and passionateâall the things that you sometimes saw yourself as when you were her age. Her name was Bae Sumin, and she wasnât here to audition, nor was she here for you. She was actually here to interview a few of the dancers for the winter showcase in representation of the universityâs premier newspaper called The Daily. She had asked if she could sit in for a few of the auditions and observe, maybe ask a few questions; who were you to refuse an eagle-eyed undergrad who reminded you so much of yourself?
âOh, well,â you began, eyes flitting to the velvet curtain where you saw a man in a dark baseball capâLee Jihoonâgive you a swift thumbs up, âkind of. Playwriting was my first love, but it eventually turned into screenwriting over time.â
âSo why choose playwriting for your capstone instead of screenwriting?â Sumin followed up, as you and her attention turned to the spotlit stage where your next auditioner walked out onto.
You knew the answer to that; you really did. But the audition was beginning, and though he was introducing himself to you, you couldnât quite get your head in the game. Why did you choose to write a play over directing a film? You quickly murmured an answer to the second-year beside you as the student onstage had gotten so nervous he dropped his copy of the script on the floor. âI guess, when it counts, you always go back to your first love.â
â â¶
It was times like these where you really valued a good, strong cup of coffee.
ââIâm gonna stop you right there.â The poor kidâyou really did feel bad for cutting people off sometimes, but you swore it was wholly necessaryâfroze like a deer in headlights. You stood up from your chair and began making your way down the aisle and into one of the rows that were closer to the stage. âMichael, is it?â
Michael, the student on stage who had been auditioning to play the role of a Napa Valley wine salesman, bobbed his head in affirmation.
You dipped your head. âOkay, Michael. Let me ask you: what is your motivation for this scene as a wine salesman? Because, if Iâm being honest, dude, Iâve counted like⊠four different ways youâre playing this character.â In this singular scene alone. Your head was spinning from stress, and his mannerisms felt right for the role, but his acting itself just wasnât hitting the mark. (If that even made sense, but your initial thought when he first walked onto stage gave you the aura of a business major.)
âUm,â he stammered, scratching the back of his head, âmy motivation is to⊠sell wine?â
âSell wine, and? What else?â Please pick up on the lines. Please tell me you read the other lines of this character.
He rifled through his packet of stapled script papers, clammy fingers flipping through and his eyes racing over lines. He probably printed out multiple sheets to audition for multiple parts in case this one fell through. âOh! I, uhm, Iâm supposed to eventually lock Alex and Kai in the wine cellar.â
âBecauseâŠâ You prompted.
âBecause⊠my boss is the⊠second cousin of the brideâs uncle?â He quickly added on, and you could see the cogs in his brain turning like rent was due (your rentâyour rent was dueâoh shit), âWait! Wait! And Uncle Lee overheard the ex-boyfriend plotting to get Alex alone, so he asked me to hide Alex, and I do it because I want to get promoted.â
You punched the admittedly sky-high ceiling of the performance art hall. âBingo. Now give me desperate, ass-kissing wine salesman, Michael.â
Michael did indeed give you a desperate, ass-kissing wine salesman. He did so, very well, in fact, that you declared that you were done for the day. Because you definitely were. If you saw any more people and heard the same lines of script over and over for any longer, you were going to commit murder. At least, not without filling your stomach first. When Michael was done and scurrying off stage, you caught one of the sophomores working with Jihoonâyou thought her name was SW!Ynâand asked if she could have the house lights turned on.
You trudged back up to your original seat up in the nosebleeds and found that Sumin had disappeared off somewhere. However, she left a baby pink-colored sticky note on the table for you to read: I realized that I have an actual job to do, but watching you work was so cool. Thank you for letting me sit in! x, Sumin. Sheâd scrawled her phone number below the message line in case you were up for a proper session to let her pick your brain, and you felt yourself smile as you tucked the note into the back of your phone case for later.
âYn-ie!â
You settled into your seat, an eyebrow cocked in blatant amusement as you watched your best friend, Lee Hyunjae, leap down from the stage and bound up the aisle to where you were. âWhereâve you been for the past two hours?â You mused as you began packing your things away into your backpack at your feet. Hyunjae had come in with you early this morning at seven, and for the three out of five hours youâd been conducting callbacks and auditions, he had been seated beside you to keep you (relatively) sane and to give you his opinion.
He, of course, had not been allowed to sit in for Kim Younghoonâs audition, because that was favoritism. Hyunjae tried to convince you by saying he would be even more judgmental of Younghoon, but you had effectively booted him out of the auditorium. After that, he disappeared to god knew where, and Sumin replaced him.
âIâve been around,â he said to you casually. Instead of coming into the aisle were you were, he went up one more row. âIâll tell you about it at lunch. Hungry?â
You patted your stomach, leaning back in your chair and stretching your limbs over your head like a cat. âYes, sir. I can go for a buffet and a half right about now.â
âOh, a buffet and a half?â He chuckled. He came up behind you and wrapped his arms over your upper half and rested his chin on top of your head. Your heart skipped about a dozen beats then; his embrace was always very warm. âSo that must mean you're resuming this train in the afternoon, too.â
âGlad to know you pay attention.â
âHey!â He squawked indignantly, no doubt jutting his bottom lip out in a Younghoon-esque pout. âI do pay attention to you.â
You made a face that he couldnât see, but he could feel you pat his hands. âSure, buddy, sure.â
Cleaning up didnât take too long, as you reassured (more so reminded) Jihoon that you would be back at around 3 oâclock sharp. If he or Chan werenât in to turn on lights and the like, you were certain you could hold your own. You and Hyunjae agreed on heading over to one of the closer restaurants on the Ave, only a few minutesâ walk from the performing arts hall. It was a cozy sort of cafe that served really good wonton noodle soup for both winter and summer days (Hyunjae always teased you for drinking hot soup on hot days, but it was something you had done since you were a kid).
Once the two of you had settled in a booth tucked away into the corner of the establishment, you were both swift to relay your orders to the waiter. Saying you were starving would be an understatement.
âYou know, there are just some people who I canât understand how theyâve made it so far in the program,â Hyunjae said to you as you squeezed a wedge of lemon juice into his glass of water. âThank you,â he beamed boyishly, accepting the lemony beverage to sip. ââI mean, Iâm sure they got in somehow, and likeâI have no right to judge, but at this point, shouldnât you understand the basic principles of design?â
You gave a meager bob of your head, taking your own glass to repeat your actions with a new lemon wedge. âThey should if theyâre all graduating in one quarter, too.â
âTheyâre all doing capstones,â he confirmed.
You offered him an amused smile. âWell at least you know that youâre doing okay, then.â
Hyunjae sighed, leaning back against his booth seat. His gaze flickered out the window for a second, then his lip curled upward as he returned his attention to you. âI guess so. Oh!â
He straightened and leaned forward again, bracing his forearms onto the table so he inclined himself toward you. âI was gonna tell you all about my backstage adventure!â
You chuckled. âDo tell, Jae.â
âWell, we begin our adventure with collecting dance kids like Pokemonââ
You sputtered around your straw, nearly snorting water from your nose and you swiftly slapped a hand over your mouth. Hyunjaeâs eyes lit up as he laughed, but he was reaching over to hand you a napkin from the dispenser on the table. âI did not expect you to say that,â you managed to croak through your miserable laughter.
Hyunjae wagged his eyebrows at you. âWhat can I say? I am hilarious.â
âOne out of a dozen times.â
âOne out of one.â
âOne out of ten.â
Hyunjae simply smiled. He could do this all day. âOne out of one.â
But so could you. âOne out of ten.â
He leaned closer. âOne out of one.â
Not one to be beaten out by your best friend, you inched closer with a slightly narrowed gaze. âOne. Out. Of. Tenââ
âOrder of wonton noodle soup and an order of dan dan mian?â Both you and Hyunjae shot apart, heat crawling up to your cheeks, and you wondered if it was obvious to the bored-looking waiter setting your food down on the table. You passed a glance across the table at Hyunjae, but as always, he seemed practically unfazed. In fact, he was grinning like a madman.
You sighed, rolling your eyes. When the waiter disappeared and left you and Hyunjae to your own, strange devices, Hyunjae took a pair of plastic chopsticks from the collection on the table, wiping the pair down, then handing them to you. You thanked him as you accepted the utensils from him and wiped down a soup spoon for yourself.
As the two of you began digging into your separate dishesâwith Hyunjae dipping a spoon into your soup and with you reaching over to pluck a couple pieces of minced pork from his bowlâit seemed that a silent truce about the matter prior had come to settle.
Hyunjae suddenly cleared his throat, gesturing with the hand that wasnât using his chopsticks. âSo as I was saying earlierâI found Juyeonie somewhereâI canât remember. And then we found Sunwoo. The poor kid was just wandering around like a lost sheep; he was looking for Changmin, so we all went searching for him. And then Younghoon caught up with usâhowâd his callback go, by the way?â
You swallowed the bite you had in your mouth before answering. âHe did great, as usual. But youâre not allowed to know more than that.â
He sent you a playfully unsatisfied deadpan. âHmph.â
âHmph, back at ya,â you teased. You arranged a perfect spoonful of noodles, soup and wonton, carefully blowing on the surface. âSo where did you guys end up finding Changmin?â
"In a closet."
You lurched, furiously holding back your snort as you closed your mouth around your bite. Bad. Idea.
Hyunjae didn't bother hiding his giggles as he watched you struggle to chew and swallow your bite of food. "You okay over there?"
With a glare that needed no extended interpretation, you wrestled the food down your throat. "I hate you."
"Hehe, whatever you say," he sang. "He was technically in a dressing room, but same thing. He was miserable, dude. Looked so perturbed."
You scoffed. "Perturbed? What is this? The Fast and the Furious?"
"Hey! Leave my man Vin Diesel alone!"
You cocked a brow at him as you slurped noodles into your mouth. "No." And then you added, "There is literally no reason for there to be so many Fast and Furious movies."
He huffed at you. "You know, that's exactly what people say about all franchises. What would you say if somebody came after Star Wars or Marvel like that, hm?"
"I'd murder them, and you'd help me hide the bodies."
A beat passed. "Touché."
Your lip curled in mild satisfaction. "Okay, so why's the squirrel feeling so down in the dumps? Something about that ex of his?"
Hyunjae motioned vaguely with his free hand. "Ex dance partner. Apparently, it was this whole thing that happened in high school, but I didn't get all the details."
"Ah," you replied. "I'm sure a good cup of coffee can get him to perk up just fine."
"Agreed." Hyunjae's eyes went skyward as a thought occurred to him. You couldn't help but admire the definition in his jawline as he did so. "There was something weird that happened."
"Oh?"
He quirked his mouth to the side and a crease formed in his forehead. "Yeah⊠we were talking about your play, right? And I was agreeing with Changmin that the whole thing was my favorite because you wrote itâ"
Oh. You nodded your head indulgently, expression set in a way that seemed like you were incredibly invested in what he was saying. In reality though, your insides were flaring and you could feel the sweat dripping down the back of your neck.
"âand they just looked at each other? Like that thing you and I do when we know exactly what the other person is thinking, but I didn't get it." Hyunjae wrinkled his nose, reaching for his water. "Wondered what that was about."
You averted your eyes to your bowl of soup, trying to get ahold of yourself. "Yeah," you laughed, and you hoped it didn't sound as nervous as you thought it did, "I have no idea what that's about."
He simply shrugged then. "It's probably just something stupid," Hyunjae mused, then chuckled. "Just my friends for you. Silly geese."
You cleared your throat. "YeahâŠsilly geese, for sure."
And you were going to have a talk with those silly geese.
EPISODE TWO: LET'S ROCK 'N' ROLL
THIS was not your first rodeo, and it certainly would not be your last. It was approximately two weeks later, the Saturday at the caboose of Spring Break, that you found yourself standing in one of the first few rows of nosebleeds with your hair pulled up and out of your face and a packet copy of your script in hand. The entire acting cast sat in a sort of half circle mass on the stage with their own copies of the script. Today was Script Read-Through Dayâas well as an intermittent fitting day.
Thanks to the efforts of your fellow workaholic, drama nerd classmate Kim Hongjoong, a handful of costumes for the entire play had been completed over the length of Spring Break. You'd asked your cast to find time over finals week and Spring Break to get a quick fitting done by Hongjoong and his team, and luckily, all of that had gone smoothly.
Now, it was your turn to lean in.
"Let's get down to business, everyone!" You said with a clap of your hands to capture everyone's attention. Your eyes roamed over the faces of the people who were selected and your heart thundered in excitement. Thisâthis was just one part of the rush you lived for. You didn't bother to suppress your grin. "Thanks for being on time and making it back here; I know I cut your break short, but we're on a very tight schedule. Can we start with going around and introducing ourselves with name, year, major, and role?"
The circlet of introductions began at Cha Eunwoo, the young man in your year who you selected for the role of Kai, the main male lead. Younghoon was cast as Ryan, Kai's best friend, and the guy who was marrying Choi Miyeon's character Lily. Minatozaki Sana was playing Alex, opposite Eunwoo. You had been surprised Younghoon hadn't auditioned specifically for the role of Kai, but you were content that he'd gone for Ryan insteadâa simple chemistry reading with the four main leads the week prior had confirmed to you that you'd made all the right choices.
The main cast also included Jung Eunbi, Jung Yerin, Choi San, and Dong Sicheng, another close friend of yours. All in all, you had been incredibly lucky with the ending line up of cast members, and the supporting cast, too.
The read-through carried along smoothlyâwell, mostly.
ââwhy, of course, dear Prim! It mainly trickles down to a few⊠specific detailsâYn,â said San as he abruptly broke out of character. Everyoneâs heads shot up from their scripts, including yours, as you watched Sanâs hand air-gesture to an invisible beard on his face. âIâm getting one of those weird old man beards, right?â
There was a murmur of chuckles throughout the group, and you gave him a small smile. âOf course, you are. I asked Hongjoong for the perverted-looking ones, specifically.â
He grinned, nodding. âNice!â He thought about it, âWaitâŠâ
Younghoon coughed up a laugh. âShall we continue?â
You inclined your head in affirmation. âThanks, Hoon. Yes, letâs get back to it. We were at Uncle Leeâs line about âspecific detailsâ.â
San had been selected to play the character of Uncle Lee, the role quite literally taken from the original Shakespeare play yours was based upon: Much Ado About Nothing. Your thesis play, the biggest project you would ever conduct in your undergraduate years, was called Jasmine. The storyline centered around ex-somethings, Alex and Kai, who were Maid of Honor and Best Man to their best friends Lily and Ryan, respectively. Because of Alex and Kaiâs troublesome past, they acted like they hated each other, and Lily schemed to make them finally see eye to eyeâas a wedding gift to herself, of course. She also convinced a party of characters to get in on the plan with her. It had all been very fun for you to write, and you imagined that the actors up on this stage now would make it all the better when they brought it to life.
With the read-through completed, you began splitting up groups to begin chemistry exploration readings. While you ushered Sicheng, Eunwoo, Sana, and a couple of the key supporting cast members onto stage, everyone else hopped down and scattered into the nosebleeds so they could get to know their fellow cast members more intimately.
You stood in the second row of the audience in the smack middle, one arm crossed over your stomach and the other propping your script up for yourself. Younghoon settled on one of the seats next to you, a small smile appearing onto his face as he folded his leg over the other. "Why hello Miss Director."
You hummed good-naturedly. "Why hello Mister Groom. Not up to saying hello to your fellow cast members yet?" Usually he was good about introducing himself to everyone; he was quite the charmer.
"I told the lovebirds I would pay attention to their chemistry reading for pointers," he grinned, eyes sparkling beneath the dim lights. "Kai's nervous about it."
"Ah," you voiced, glancing back to the stage where Eunwoo and Sana began interacting with Sicheng and the others on stage. "Awful nice of you, Ryan. Where's your darling bride?"
He gave you a show of wistful glance as he turned his eyes toward the ceiling and propped his cheek against his fist. "My beloved? Well, she is working her magic for the wedding. I told herâ" he leaned forward onto his knees then, gesturing with his hands, "âI told her, darling! This is your special day. Anything you want is what I want. You should have seen the smile on her faceâa daisy in bloom, Miss Ln.â
An amused expression fixed upon your face, you tipped your imaginary hat to him. âI think you should go find your bride, sir, before her plans get out of hand.â
âHer plans could never get out of hand,â he dismissed with the flick of his wrist.
âSo youâre a Yes Man now?â You replied, your brain racking for the one part in the script you had written with this exact dialogue.
You saw the recognition flicker in Younghoonâs eyes. âThatâs what love does to you, my friend. Itâs not the same as those tally marks you always draw in that notebook,â he replied swiftly, gesturing to your script like it was the notebook that Kai was supposed to keep. âSay, youâve never told me what those were for.â
Pleased, you arched an eyebrow. âThatâs not the line, Hoon.â
You saw the moment he snapped out of character. He smiled, the kind of Younghoon trademark everyone could recognize and become spellbound by. âI donât have the entire script memorized yet, Yn-ie.â
âI bet you have at least half of it memorized.â
He opened his mouth to remark something when someone hollered, âOyâ from the stage. Both you and Younghoon turned your attention to Eunwoo, who had captured both of your attention. He threw his arms open wide with a teasing grin. âRyan, youâre supposed to be watching my back, man!â
Sana shot him a scowl. âHey, if you get a second in this duel, then I get one, too. Lily!â
âAs much fun as dueling you and winning would be, Alex, Iâm not stuck in ye old daysââ
âYour savior has arrived!â Everyoneâs heads whirled in the direction of the doors at the back of the auditorium. There was a good handful of people who began filing in through the doors, with a very familiar blond at the helm of all the madness. Reminiscent of that one fiery Elmo meme, your best friend had his arms raised with an ear-splitting grin on his face.
Kevin Moon, one of the people amongst the masses, rolled his eyes as he passed Hyunjae to enter the auditorium. âTheyâre rehearsing, man.â
Choi Chanhee was swift to follow his friend. âYeah, Hyunjae,â he teased with a grin.
You fixed your friend with a confused look. âUhm⊠Hyunjae, whatâs happening?â
Hyunjae jogged down to where you were, leaving his army of⊠people? behind. âYou said you needed volunteers to help you prepare set pieces, right? Well, I told you Iâd recruit some people andââ He made a wide, sweeping gesture toward the large group of people now simply crowded at the back of the room, awaiting instructions. Kevin and Chanhee sent you boyish smiles as they waved in greeting. ââI did!â
The lightbulb went off in your head. You couldnât believe you forgot. âOh, my god. You actually listened.â
Hyunjae wrinkled his nose. âHurtful.â
Younghoon laid his head against his arms over the back of his seat with a teasing gleam in his eyes. âAw, how romantic.â
Hyunjae pointed to his lanky actor friend. âIs he in character?â
âNo.â
âYes.â
Your head shot over to Younghoon just as his eyes met yours. The man shrugged with feigned innocence, standing up to greet Chanhee and Kevin as the other two began slowly leading the army of volunteers down to where you all were setting up. You wondered how on Earth that manâs partner could stand his impish antics.
Hyunjae slipped into the row with you with a wince. âAish, I can never figure out when heâs in proper character or not.â
âHe is,â you blurted. You knew for a fact that Younghoon hadnât been in character, but Hyunjae didnât need to know that. Ignorance was bliss, after all. âBut thatâs besides the pointâJaehyunââ
He flashed you a smile, bringing his hands up to make a jazz hands gesture. âUh oh, thatâs my name-name. I either did really well or screwed up big time.â
You laughed, pressing your free hand to your forehead. âYou did really wellââ
âYes!â He cheered while punching the sky. He laughed, bumbling over to you with arms open wide to embrace you. You simply could not escape him. âYouâre welcome.â
You lightly punched his chest. âI never said thank you. But thank you. I appreciate it a lot.â
He let you go, lightly patting your head. A warm wave of energy made your nerves feel fuzzy at their synapses. âYou donât have to thank me for doing this for you. By the way, YH!Yn is on her way over; sheâs just coming back from her internship.â
Younghoon suddenly, out of nowhere, appeared in the row again. âI heard YH!Ynâs name,â he chirped with a smile that looked like a heart. He waved his phone screen around, as if you could actually read what was on his screen, âYeah, she said sheâs on her way now.â
You nearly melted. âOh, really? She doesnât have to if sheâs uncomfortable, Hoon. I know big crowds make her anxiousââ
âAh, itâs all good,â he said. âSheâs happy to do it, really. Itâs not that big of a crowd here, and youâre her friend, Yn. She wants to help out.â
âSpeaking of more friends helping outââ cut in Kevin with Chanhee in tow (where did all of them pop up from, goodness), ââCobie just texted that he, Sangyeon, Juyeon, and JC!Yn are all on their way, too. Whatâs the plan for all the set pieces then, Yn?â
All eyes went to you, and you felt your heart swell with love, prideâquite literally every happy emotion there was. This whole project had plagued your every waking and unconscious thought for months now. The pressure for this production to be good⊠there were too many people watching you now. But as you led your friends and your supposed army of volunteers to the backstage area, you felt like there was no way you could fail.
Right?
â â¶
You were cleaning up for the night. Your throat ached and exhaustion wore at your bones from the very extensive day you and everyone else had. Almost the entire cast and volunteer and tech crew members had cleared out by nowâyour friends had all decided to get dinner together, and you would all head over once you had finished with your business here.
You hiked the strap of your bag over your shoulder with a haggard sigh as you passed beneath the ghost light hanging backstage that signaled that Jihoon was practically done for the night. You caught a glimpse of the man hustling down the corridor and you called out to him.
âHey, Jihoon-ah! I was hoping I could catch you on your way out.â
Jihoon glanced up from his phone, his slight smile illuminated in the pale blue-light of his phone screen. âAh, hey, Yn-ie. Good first rehearsal today?â
You fell into step with him as you both maneuvered the dark backstage corridors together. âYeah, actually. Iâm very proud of everyoneâs progress so far. I was so stressed about being a couple weeks behind, but⊠Iâm lucky I have such a good group of people here.â
He hummed, nodding. âDefinitely. That oneâyour Hyunjaeââ
Your heart stumbled. âHyunjae? What about him?â
âItâs nothing, but I thought I should mention that I heard a couple girls gossiping earlierââ
You nearly stopped in your tracks, and you felt something crawl beneath your skin. âWhatâd they say?â
Jihoon glanced over at you, maybe a bit surprised at how sharp your tone was, but he continued on smoothly, âYou know that I donât like involving myself in that petty drama, right? But they were volunteering with the set pieces and stuff, and they were talking shit about him. The usual, like, cocky, arrogant bullshit. Something about wondering how you put up with him all the time.â
You felt your heart drop into the pit of your stomach. âJesus,â you swore. âWho were they? Iâll deal with themââ
âDonât worry about it,â he said to you, firmly but not unkindly. The two of you had stopped in the middle of the corridor now, your voices hushed yet harsh still. âHey, YnâI took care of it. I donât tolerate that shit in my theater, you hear? You have a lot on your plate, so I didnât want you to worry, but I wanted to make sure you knew.â
Breathe, Yn. Your eyes shuddered for a moment. Hyunjae wasnât always as well-mannered around other people as he was around you and his friends. He was like that for good reasonâthere were some things in oneâs past that shaped who you would become, and unfortunately, that was one thing that you hadnât been able to protect him from back then. So hearing something like this? You felt awful.
You finally gave Jihoon a nod. âRight, yeah⊠thanks Jihoon. Really.â
He nodded back. âOf course. Does that happen often?â
You rubbed the place between your eyes where an ache had formed. âNoâI mean, heâs just got a front he puts on, but itâs not often. Maybe those girls just witnessed him on one of his bad days. Heââ You shook your head.
âI get it; no need to explain it to me,â Jihoon murmured. He gently guided you toward the door out into the main auditorium where Hyunjae said heâd be waiting for you. âHeâs a good kid.â
âI know. Heâs great.â I love him.
When the two of you emerged into the darkened auditorium, the only light present was the one from Hyunjaeâs phone. Your best friend glanced up from his screen, pocketing it away as he stood up to meet you. âHey, everything okay?â
You and Jihoon exchanged glances. You met Hyunjaeâs eyes, your smile small. âYeah, everythingâs fine.â
EPISODE THREE: WEâRE ALL JUST TRYING TO KEEP THE STAGE LIGHTS ON
IT was Monday evening when you determined that you had reached the point in time where everything would only escalate from here. There was something about seeing the backstage crowded with techies that made everything seem ten times more real. Your day had begun an hour or two earlier than the actorsâ as you came in to meet Jihoon and Bang Chan about set pieces and creative direction. When your actors had come in, rehearsal commenced by working through the first act of the script and creating a deeper understanding of motivations and purpose.
On Saturday, along with the chemistry explorations, there was also a moment where you had to sit everyone down and give them a better understanding of what this project even came from. (There was a real inspiration to the story, but there was no way you could expose yourself like that, especially in front of Hyunjae.) There had been yet another run through of the script, with some of your actors switching up the way they played their parts just slightly. That same experimentation would continue today.
You were in the box with Chan and a couple of his underclassmen peers as the few of you were discussing the matter of spotlights and the like. It was early in the rehearsal process, but it definitely killed to be early.
You heard a slight commotion as the doors at the back of the auditorium opened.
âYou got it covered in here?â You asked Chan, already one foot out of the tech box.
Chan flashed you a dimpled smile and a thumbâs up, and you were on your way out and toward the sounds of newcomers. You could already make out the figures of your friends Park Jihyo and Wen Junhui from where you were running up to them.
âYN!â Jihyo squealed as she rushed to come bury you in a hug.
âOh my god, thanks for coming, you guys,â you gushed, crushing yourself to her.
Jun scurried over, wrapping his limbs around the two of you, as well. The two of them had quite literally insisted on coming to this rehearsal as your sanity check, which you deeply appreciated. Well that, and the fact that Jihyo was helping you manage the finances for this project, as well as any sponsors who came through to support the play. You had never been good with that stuff, but luckily, your econ-business-major friend was. (Jun was always there for moral support; him being versed in acting also helped, too, with directing when you couldnât.)
The three of you immediately got to work, and you were finally able to return to your own actors as the lot of you worked through the first couple of scenes of act one.
âWhat do you suggest we talk about?â Eunwoo asked from stage left where he and Younghoon lingered with their scripts in hand. They were standing opposite the stage from Miyeon and Sana, who were supposed to walk onto the stage from the right like walking into a restaurant. The main focus of the scene was supposed to be Miyeon and Sana, but because Younghoon and Eunwoo were still onstage, they had to act like they were actually doing something even if their microphones wouldnât be activated.
Younghoon gave a shrug and an easygoing smile. âWhat do you think Kai and Ryan talk about?â
âKai feels like the kind of pompous jerk who speaks only in Ralph Waldo Emerson and Sylvia Plath.â
âThat could be an interesting dynamic,â Jun chimed in.
You lifted a shoulder in agreement. âI say âyesâ. Letâs just see what this looks likeâEunwoo, play that; Younghoon, play the exact opposite.â
Younghoon sputtered a laugh, but he saluted, understanding your directions (somehow⊠it was probably because you had worked with him for a long time over the course of both of your academic careers). âAye-aye.â
You made a waving motion toward stage right where Miyeon and Sana were poking their heads out from behind the curtains. âReady? Action.â
It turned out that the overly smart version of Kai was not what the scene needed. After a couple of new directions to Eunwoo about this little thing, you eventually settled on a nice in-between that reminded you awfully of a certain someoneâŠ
Lo and behold, you heard the doors at the back of the auditorium open up once more. You didnât turn your attention away from the scene playing out before you, but you had an inkling of who had entered the sphere of the dramatic.
It wasnât until the brunch scene had finished, you pursed your lips, nodding. âI like that.â
âI like it, too,â Jihyo said, paired with a nod from Jun.
You flipped through your script, asking for the actors taking part in the next sceneâthe bar sceneâto come to the stage. âUhm, letâs see⊠I need all of the main cast, barring Kai and Alex, to the stage. I also need Bartender 1 to come out, as well.â You waved your hand around toward the middle of the stage. âMake a little cult circle or somethingâyes, Younghoon, you have to stand next to Miyeon, silly goose.â
It was now that you finally turned around to confirm your prediction of who had joined the crowd. Just a few rows up from where you and your friends were sat three eager faces. Presently, it was Hyunjae, Eric, and his girlfriend, the former of which greeted you by raising up what looked like an iced caramel macchiato. God bless.
You hustled up to where they were, making grabby hands at the frost drink. âThank you,â you sighed, accepting the drink and straw from him.
âAye! Hyunjae!â Younghoon hollered from the stage. âWhereâs my drink?â
Hyunjae cupped his hands around his mouth. âThe kid has it!â
âIâm not a kid,â Eric sulked as he attempted to cross his arms over his chest while also not spilling the iced americano he was in possession of.
âThatâs right!â EC!Yn mused, then added, âYouâre my baby.â
Hyunjae wrinkled his nose at the lovey-dovey young lovers. âOh, now that was awful, EC!Yn,â he groaned. He nudged your elbow from where you stood next to his seat. âWasnât that gross?â
Your brain was filled with caramel and caffeine. âLeave them be, Jae. At least they have someone to be gross with.â
Hyunjae mocked a face of offense, and Eric and his girlfriend slipped past you two in youthful giggles to go deliver Younghoonâs drink to him down at the bottom stage. When the two of you were left alone, Hyunjae pressed his cheek against his fist as he peered up at you. âHowâs today been so far?â
You finished your sip, swallowing down the sugary, caffeinated goodness. âItâs been alright so far. I didnât know you were coming.â
âWell,â he sighed, âI knew you were probably going hours without water, so I thought Iâd at least bring you something pleasant.â
You sat down on the floor beside his aisle seat, silently offering him a sip of the drink he had treated you to. âYou know me too well. And what do you mean? You did bring me something pleasant.â
Hyunjae took a ginger sip of the drink then pushed the cup back toward you. He grinned, flipping a lock of imaginary hair behind his shoulder. âAh, you mean meââ
âI meant the kids,â you teased as you smiled around your straw with a look that was hardly innocent.
He deadpanned at you. âNever letting my head stay in the clouds ever, huh, Miss Ln?â
âSomeone has to keep you humble.â
A soft laugh fell from his lips as he shook his head, then pressed his lips to his knuckles. âWell I guess if it's gotta be anybody, it should be you. Then again, that Chanhee keeps me on my toes, too."
"Weren't you the one who said he had no ass first?"
He let out a snort. "I only speak the truth."
"That you do," you agreed.
Hyunjae flicked his phone screen on for a second to catch the time and grunted. "Ugh, I have to go meet with my group members for a project in Public Infrastructure."
Your lips curled downward. "It's literally the first day of the quarterâyou have a project already?"
He huffed sharply out of his mouth, sending one of his longer bits of bangs flying upward. "That's what I'm saying. Professor is insane this quarter, especially for putting me in this group. He said he picked our groups for us because we 'don't always get to choose in the real world'." He made a face. "Somebody has hurt that man, and we are paying for it. Pretty sure the people in my group don't even like me."
Your chest ached at that, and you leaned your chin onto his arm rest while he settled his head against the back of his chair. "I'm sorry, Jae. I know group projects are hard with strangers, but maybe they'll be cool with you? Are you just a little anxious maybe?"
"Dunno," he mumbled, picking at a stray thread on the red seat. He raked a hand through his hair, shifting. "I'm just dreading it, I guess. I just have that feeling y'know?"
"Yeah, I get that." You bumped your hand against his, mustering up an encouraging smile. "You're gonna be okay, Jae. I believe in you."
Hyunjae collected himself enough to smile back. "I can always count on you, Yn."
"Of course," you said, as easy as breathing air. You exhaled, "What are best friends for?"
â â¶
You found yourself seated in the darkness of the auditorium seats, the ghost light of the stage your only company. The ghost light was a single bulb that hung from mid stage in order to prevent any mishaps or accidents from happening when one had to stumble about in the darkness of the theater. It was a single part of theater superstition, as well as a sign that Jihoon and Chan had gone on their way for the night, leaving you to lock up. You'd been given charge of empty theaters before, and frankly, the peace and quiet was something you needed.
The time was nearing nine o'clock though, and your stomach growled at the thought of going back to your warm townhouse shelter for some pity ramen.
You finally shut the lid of your laptop, slipping it into your bag so you could stretch your aching limbs. You popped a couple joints as you did, then reached for your drained cup of iced caramel macchiato.
The rest of rehearsal had gone reasonably well. You were making progress, and that was the important part. Eric and his girlfriend had left a little before Hyunjae had in order to go get dinner together. Hyunjae had understandably been reluctant to leave, but he basically convinced you to let him call you while he made his way over to his project meet up location. You were directing as he did, but he didn't seem to mind and listened quietly with the occasional humorous comment.
You hoped he was doing okay.
Just as you slung your bag over your shoulder, typing out a fast text to Hyunjae to ask about how it went, your ears picked up the faint sound of creaking wood.
You froze, your head whipping around the very empty theater for the sound.
You heard it againâit was the slow, haunting creeeak, like someone was taking a deliberately drawn-out step. The hand around your phone tightened as you turned your gaze to the stage. The ghost light hung eerily in the now-quiet hall, its amber light creating a circle of light beneath it like a beacon for creatures of the night.
Creeeak⊠creeeakâŠ
"Jihoon?" You called out. "Chan? Is that you?"
The creaking stopped; a shiver crawled down your spine.
"Is someone there?"
When you were met with silence, you pressed a hand to your forehead, speed-walking up the aisle of the theater and out into the lobby. Swiftly locking all the doors behind you as you made your exit, you figured you were probably just hearing things.
As you deposited your empty cup into the trash bin just outside the theater doors, you received a reply from Hyunjae. The performance hall door thunked closed after you twisted the lock mechanism into place.
With no more than a glance at the dark windows, you turned on your heel and made a beeline for the bus stop.
EPISODE FOUR: IT'S ALWAYS THE DARK AND STORMY NIGHTS
FRIDAY night brought an onslaught of the sky's wrath in the form of a storm. Rehearsal had progressed decently, and while you did appreciate how hard everyone was working, you had to remind yourself that you couldnât rush the process if you wanted a phenomenal end product. You just needed to have faith in the people you were working with.
Nearly everyone had gone home by now, barring yourself, Jihoon, Chan, and a couple of undergrads they were keeping around to show them the ropes. You were in the backstage area packing up your things to head out for the night. You could hear the voices of your peers echoing slightly through the bowels of the theater, but none of them were too near to your location.
The hairs on the back of your neck suddenly stood up as you reached for a page of script cues that one of the techies had left behind on a stool.
You straightened, your eyes scanning the backstage area. All the lights were on tonight since Jihoon and Chan were still here. The ghost light was not your only companion tonight, and yetâŠ
There had been a feeling creeping up on you this past week⊠something unsettling like you were being watched. Perhaps it wasnât you specifically being watchedâit was more so that you were never truly alone when you knew no one else was here with you. There was something bothering you about the shadows of the theater lately, and they had almost never been anything but comforting.
You had to visibly suppress your soul from jumping out of your skin when you heard that goddamn wooden creaking sound.
âYn-ie?â
Your heart did about five cartwheels and a barrel leap as you whirled around to find Chan coming in from the other side of the curtain. He noticed your jumpiness and concern fell over his features. âHey, you good?â
You usually werenât so much of a scaredy cat, dear god. You let out a laugh, though it sounded more nervous than you liked. âYeahâno, yeah, Iâm fine. Just a little antsy, is all.â Yeah, thatâs it. You slung the strap of your bag over your shoulder and walked over to Chan to bump fists with him in greeting. âYou and the others wrapping up?â
Chanâs eyes swept over you and his mouth quirked into an expression that told you he didnât believe your âIâm fineâ bit at all. But he was never one to pry where he believed to be crossing a line. âNot really, actually,â he sighed, cupping the back of his neck above the headset hanging there, as the two of you moved back into the main auditorium together. âWe just realized that some of the speakers have been left on for the past week. They seem to keep coming on even though we turn them off; just outdated tech, I guess. But weâre trying to see if we can fix them before considering getting new ones.â
The hammering in your heart subsided for a moment as your brows pinched together and your brain switched into work-mode. âReally? Okay, well, let me know if I can do anything to helpâthat is weird.â
You eventually said goodnight to everyone left in the performing arts hall as you let yourself out through the front doors. The rain seemed to have subsided from earlier, and the night was left with dark cumulus clouds looming above your head, and rain-soaked streets that smelled heavily of metal and petrichor. A cold, biting wind swept past your face and nipped at your extremities as you pulled your jacket around you tighter.
The walk to the bus stop wasnât an awfully long one, butâŠ
You stopped.
You swore you just heard a clattering sound from just behind you. Your attention went to a collection of trash cans sitting only a few meters behind you. When no animal revealed itself to be the source of the noise, you clutched your small canister of mace into your fist.
A tingling sensation crawled down your spine, and you turned on your heel to start walking faster toward the bus stop.
There werenât many street lights posted in this area of campus, but if you could just getâ
âYN!â
You nearly screamed when someone grabbed you by the shoulder, and you lifted the can of mace up in between you and the person.
âShit, Yn. Itâs just me!â Hyunjae slapped his palm over yours and shoved the nozzle of the mace can down and out of his vision. He wrestled your body to a stop, anchoring you to reality. âHoly shit, honey. Shhh, calm down. Itâs just me.â
You furiously inhaled and exhaled, your chest rising and falling as you pressed a hand to your sternum. âLee Hyunjae, what is wrong with you?â You growled. Had it been him this whole time?
Hyunjae dared a cheeky smile. âWell, I just saw you from down the street and I thought you saw me, but you kept walking. I guessed you were just in your head tonight, so I thought itâd be fun to surprise you.â
âYou donât grab a girl in the middle of a darkened, abandoned street and yell in her ear to surprise her.â Your eyes were hard as you reprimanded him; he was your best friend, yes, but you nearly had a heart attack right then. Your nerves were so on-edge that you just couldnât joke with him at this moment.
He winced then. âAh, when you put it like thatâŠâ He pressed his lips together, eyes taking in your tense form. There was something else in your face other than annoyance at his stupidityâsomething that troubled him. His voice grew soft, his touch even softer, as his hand cupped the back of your shoulder in a warm hold. âHey, everything okay? Iâm really sorry for doing that; it was stupid of me.â
You huffed a sigh and avoided his eyes. âThis isnât the first time I thought someone was watching me,â you confessed lowly, so not even the wind could hear you.
Hyunjaeâs eyes widened when you said that, and he was swift to wrap an arm around your shoulders and gather you against him. His gaze surveyed your surroundings and the shadows seemed to dance in his view; his breath hitched. âLetâs get you home,â he murmured then, âIâm parked nearby.â
EPISODE FIVE: THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM
THE next day, Jihyo, Jun, Jacob, and Kevin were seated deep into the nosebleeds within the dim areas of the theater. Straight ahead, you and Hyunjae stood in the first few rows of seats as the actors were doing a run-through of the first act of the play. Hyunjae simply sat in the seat next to you, but you were doing your director thing. It wasnât out of the ordinary at all to see you two so close, but something had shifted overnight from the last time all of them had seen you and he interact.
âRemind me again why you guys are here so early?â Jihyoâs question was directed toward Jacob and Kevin as she sipped on her morning cup of coffee. Everyone in the row was armed with their own cup of caffeinated brew, too; that was simply what being awake at nine on a Saturday morning called for.
Kevin peered at the other two from around Jacob. âHis girlfriend and Chanhee are grocery shopping.â
Jun snorted. âAre they roommates? Whyâs Chanhee grocery shopping with JC!Yn? Sounds a bit random.â
âTheyâre with her roommate and Changmin, too,â Jacob replied with a joking roll of his eyes. âKevinâs just petty that theyâve never thought to extend the invitation to us.â
âHey! You always hint at wanting to join them, too. Itâs not just me, good sir.â
âI asked once, and when she said no, I never asked againââ
ââheâd only say that because heâs been scorned by love,â Younghoon lamented from the stage, his arm braced along the back of Miyeonâs folding chair. Props were still being finalized between a couple options, but Jun had found a bunch of folding chairs in a closet that you could use for the bar scene. Everyoneâs attention moved away from invitation-less friends to friends playing pretend. He made a dramatic gesture, clutching his heart, then straightening with a laugh as he teased his friend who wasnât in the scene. âI still think itâs stupid that he and Alex never worked out.â
Eunbiâs eyebrows flew up to her hairline as her hand, holding a water bottle that would later be replaced with a drink glass, froze in mid-air. âIâm sorry? This is news to me. Since when did Kai and Alex even have a chance at âworking outâ?â
Miyeon let out a delighted gasp. âOh, where to begin?â
Yerin piped in with a lazier gesture with her water bottle. âThey werenât always sworn enemies, y'know. Once upon a time, the âlovebirdsâ were actually lovebirds,â she chuckled at her own jokeâor, her characterâs joke.
Younghoon explained, "Their parents pretty much pitted them against each other since the end of middle school. They used to be friends, actually, and they were top of their class in practically everything. ExceptâŠ"
"Academic League?" Eunbi guessed with her brows twisted. "I remember hearing about something like that."
"Yeah, I mean," Miyeon added, "something happened in junior year and it's been like that since."
"What happened in junior year?â"
Jihyo watched the performance with narrowed eyes, her body leaned forward onto her knees. "This sounds awfully familiar."
The three boys turned their heads her way. "What do you mean?"
She shook her head, eyes fluttering. She made a face and cocked her head to the side in thought. "Okay, maybe it's not exactly like what I'm⊠Jun, you remember when Yn told us aboutâyou know?"
"That she almost confessed to Hyunjae? Ow! I'm sorry!" Jun yelped as Jihyo slapped his shoulder, hard.
Jacob and Kevin exchanged wide-eyed glances. "She almost confessed to Hyunjae? When?"
Jihyo sent Jun another hard glare, to which he sheepishly raised his hands in surrender, before replying, "Yn said offhandedly once that in junior year of high school, she was almost going to confess her feelings to Hyunjae, but then suddenly decided not to."
Kevin leaned his chin onto his fist. "HuhâŠ"
"I don't know how I didn't even notice this before when I read through the script," Jihyo thought aloud. "Alex and Kai are Yn and HyunjaeâjustâŠwith a different ending."
All four heads turned to face forward once more, except, their attention zeroed in on you and Hyunjae. YH!Yn had appeared beside you, most likely updating you on the progress of the massive prop project she was working on for the play. You listened to her report intently as Hyunjae sat next to you, his head leaned onto your shoulder as he played some game on his phone. It was far too soft, far tooâthere was no way you based this all off of your own experience with Hyunjae, right?
In fact, it was possible.
As YH!Yn let you know that she would have to buy a few more PVC pipes from the hardware store, you assured her that she would be reimbursed for those expenses.
ââI know how busy you areââ
YH!Yn smiled sweetly as she cut you off, âOh, no worries at all! Iâm happy to help, as Hoon said before. Plus, this is a lot more fun than my internship; feels like a little creative project I get to nerd out on.â
You grinned at that sentiment. âAh, I totally get that. Well, I wonât keep you from it any longer. Thanks again.â
YH!Yn gave a brief goodbye, then stood up to head back out to the backstage area where she was putting together the portable fountain she was building (you had given her a list of possible âshow-stoppingâ prop ideas you had and she had picked the fountain). As she left, you watched as she passed by the bottom stage to catch Younghoonâs hand. Something like yearning ached in your chest. One dayâŠ
The mass weighing on your opposite shoulder stirred as he let out a noise of surprise. âHuh?â
You glanced over at him as best you could, then flashed Younghoon a thumbâs up to signal him that you were paying attention now. âHuh what?â
Hyunjae sat up straight, his nose scrunched, eyes pinned to his phone screen. âDidnât you have a friend named Ellie in like, high school?â
Your lips curled into a slight frown at the name; it definitely rang a bell. âI did, what about her?â You asked. The sounds of the dialogue happening on stage faded to glorified background noise as you leaned over to peer at Hyunjaeâs phone screen. There, he had a new text thread pulled up with an unknown number introducing herself as Ellie, a âclassmate of his from high schoolâ. Not only were you frowning, but your forehead creased, too. It had been ages since you had last been in contact with her. The two of you had been the best of friends before you drifted apart.
To be honest, you had no idea how the two of you drifted apart so easily when youâd been so close to her, but you ended up getting closer to Hyunjae anyway. You chalked it up to differences in interests, but maybe now you could get some answers. Well, that was depending on why she was texting Hyunjae.
âShe texted me,â he said, holding the screen between you two. âRecognize the number?â
You could barely remember your own number. Shaking your head, you lifted your gaze back up to the stage where your actors had already moved through most of the scene. âNope. Might be a new one since itâs been so long. Wonder how she got your phone number.â
Hyunjae blew out a puff of air as he laughedâyou saw him begin to type out a response from the corner of your eye. âHow do people not get my number at this point,â he grumbled under his breath.
â â¶
It wasnât until you were seated in the booth of Junhuiâs favorite Chinese restaurant on the Ave that he and Jihyo ambushed you with The Questionâą.
âSo when were you going to tell us that the play was about you and Hyunjae?â
Your movements paused, then resumed so you could properly settle into your seat. "At least let me order first."
To their credit, your friends withheld from further questioning until the waiter had come by to take the table's order. When she had gone and was out of earshot, Jihyo pounced, whipping her head over to you and placing a hand on the table between you. You realized suddenly that you were trapped between her and the wall.
"Spill."
Your eyes widened a smidge, intimidated. "How did you guys figure it out? I mean, it's not that obvious, is it?"
Jun shook his head. "Nah, not really. Ji was just on five shots of espresso this morning apparently."
Jihyo sent him a pointed look. "I was not on five shots of espressoâŠ" She murmured, "It was two."
"Okay, five shots, two shotsâ" Jihyo flapped her hands around as she angled her body toward you. "It was the bar scene and they were all talking about Alex and Kai. And I thought that the bit about junior year sounded really familiar."
"I can't believe you didn't confess to him back then," Jun feigned a disproving shake of his head while clicking his tongue.
You leaned your face against the palm of your hand with an unpretty fwump. "Guys, the play is basically centered around the idea: what if I had confessed to Hyunjae and it went wrong?"
"Just ten times more dramatic," Jun pointed out.
"And," Jihyo added, "their roles are switched. Kai's the one who confesses to Alex in the play, and it's Alex's ex who makes a grand showing at the wedding festivities to cause trouble. Yn doesn't have an ex."
"Uncalled for," you grunted.
Jihyo gave a charmingly beautiful smile that could make all the world fall at her feet. "You love me."
"You're lucky you're cute."
Jun sipped on his water. "I'm right here."
You and Jihyo bursted into giggles, the sound like twinkling bells. Jun sighed softly, but you saw the corners of his lips lift up into a small smile. For a moment, you had forgotten what the topic of this conversation was.
You sobered slightly, your hands reaching for your water glass to take a gulp, then nurse it between your palms. "Have you ever heard the saying that we always try to recreate our first heartbreak in order to rewrite how it ends?"
Jihyo and Jun quieted. They peered at you with eyes that could peer straight into your soul if you let them. That was why you couldn't exactly meet their eyes as you tried to articulate your thoughts behind writing this whole mess. "I mean," you pursed your lips, "it wasn't a heartbreak; it was never a heartbreak. My heart hadn't been broken because how could it be broken if I never even let it. You know?"
"That's not how a lot of hearts are broken, Yn," Jun murmured with a sincere depth to his dark brown eyes. There was something so soulful about them. "Most are broken in silence."
You huffed slightly. "That was a great line."
"I knowâ"
"Ahem," Jihyo said, reigning the both of you drama geeks back into the realm of real talk. She leaned over to wrap her arms around you, her head resting on top of your own. "So you wrote this⊠to conquer your fears? To comprehend your feelings?"
"To imagine, to wish, to dream," you added. It was quite sad, really. You couldn't quite think of writing anything else when the time had come to start drafting your thesis. "We write what we know best."
"I thought Hyunjae was basically there throughout this whole process," Jun said, his elbows resting on top of the table as he gestured vaguely. "How has he not figured out that Alex is him?"
You gave a shrug. You couldn't imagine how he hadn't yet figured it out, but it wasn't exactly the most obvious thing. You would soon rather go missing than Hyunjae ever figuring out the truth behind the play's inspiration. Whenever he asked you, it was always "I was so inspired by Kenneth Branuagh and Emma Thompson's rendition of the play" and "I wanted to spice up an old, timeless play and give it a kick of Today". He believed that you were writing a play based solely upon the themes of childhood manipulation, academic pressure, and miscommunication. And you wereâjust not only those things.
Your thesis would have never been accepted if you'd only presented a skeleton of a play about your nonexistent love life. All of the additions and embellishments to the story had come easy as you pieced together the plotline. But the two main characters had never changed.
With that now settled, the food arrived at your table. (What a brilliantly timed, cosmic coincidence!) You and your friends thought it best to move onto other topics of conversation. Somehow, you had reached the topic of your recent week of weird feelings. Not just about Hyunjae, but about the strange feeling of constantly not being alone. You'd even explained the entire debacle from last night, with Hyunjae scaring you then rushing you home.
Jihyo and Jun both replied appropriately: "Girl, what the fuck?"
You brushed it off with a nonchalance that was not convincing. (Then again, you were never an actress yourself.)
The rest of dinner progressed relatively smoothly, and when the check had come and gone, you wanted to offer a mint to your friends.
"âshit," you swore as you dug around in your bag. When your hand came up empty-handed, you brushed that same hand through your hair. "I left my Altoids in the theater."
Jihyo finished signing her bill, tucking her card away. "Oh? Well, let's go get them."
Jun bobbed his head as he shouldered his coat on. "Yeah, it's no problem, Yn-ie."
"Really? You guys don't have to; they're just minâ"
"Nonsense!" Jihyo chirped. She stood up and out of the booth, giving you the space to slip out after her. She then linked your arm with hers, then hooked her other with Jun's. "Power in numbers, my love."
You could do nothing but agreeâwholeheartedly. The way your heart rate slowed when she insisted that she and Jun would accompany you showed just how grateful you were. You probably wouldn't have even gone to retrieve them tonight, but waited until Monday instead. They were just mints, after all, but you were appreciative nonetheless. Even for a small item, they would be by your side.
The journey back to the theater was a brief one as Jun drove the three of you back to the performing arts center and pulled into the space right by the stairs up to the hall. You recalled leaving them on one of the dressing room tables in the back corridors, so you used your student ID to buzz into the back hallway of the performing arts building.
You and your friends' voices hushed as you all crept into the dark, abandoned building. When the door closed behind you all, you turned your phone flashlight on to guide your way toward the dressing rooms.
"It should be in one of these rooms," you told your friends as you entered the hallway of doors. You located a familiar number and pushed into the room, swiftly retrieving the teal-colored metal box of minty sweets on the vanity table.
The door closed softly when you slipped out.
"Hey, how's YH!Yn's fountain project coming along?" Jun asked as the three of you began to make your way back toward the back door.
"Oh yeah!" Jihyo perked up. "How's that going? She's so badass for that."
"Isn't she?" You gushed. "Do you guys wanna see her progress?"
There was an obvious answer to that, and the three of you made a hard one hundred eighty degree turn, swerving back down the corridor from which you had just come from. Your conspiratorial giggles echoed within the rafters and bowels of the theater, as if you were pixies from A Midsummer Night's Dream, frolicking through the forest in which they dwelled.
When you reached the vicinity of the backstage area, your footsteps faltered.
It was still dark.
You frowned, slowly stepping into the backstage area.
"Yn? What's wrong?"
Jun said it before you could, "Huh. The ghost light's not on."
Indeed, the bulb that was supposed to be on when no light was, was pitch black. A cool breeze drifted down your spine, making the hairs on the back of your neck and your arms stand up.
"Could Jihoon or Chan have forgotten on their way out?"
"You know Jihoon's not one to forget."
You drifted away from your friends as you slowly stepped into the backstage area. Your flashlight shone toward the walls first as you aimed to make your way toward the lights panel. It would be an easy fixâ
Your heart dropped clean into the pit of your stomach.
The light of your flashlight illuminated the absolute chaos.
Setting and backdrop pieces that had been painted by volunteers, articles of clothing collected for people's costumes, scripts left behind torn out of their staplesâall of it was flung about and scattered over the backstage floor. It was like a tornado had swept through the area, and you knew your friends were seeing what you were seeing now.
You held your breath for so long you were pretty sure you were imagining the hands shaking you.
Somebody had come in and took their rage out on your play. But who, and more importantly, why?
EPISODE SIX: PHANTOM OF THE PERFORMING ARTS HALL
"WHAT'S up with the ghost light anyway?"
There was a group of you gathered by the stage of the performing arts hall, the house lights having been turned on after you'd made a call to Jihoon and campus security. Along with Jihoon and campus security, however, Hyunjae, Juyeon, Eric, and Younghoon had also appeared. You had shot Hyunjae a text about what had happened and he'd rushed over with his friendsâyou felt awful about pulling them away from whatever they were doing, but Hyunjae didn't say anything about it.
You sat on the edge of the stage next to Jihyo with Jun and Hyunjae standing by you both on the floor of the auditorium. Well, Hyunjae stood in front of you and you leaned your chin on top of his beanie-covered head while the lot of you waited for whatever security pulled up from the limited amount of cameras. Jihoon had disappeared somewhere to make a callâyou would hear from him, too, soon.
The question had been posed by Juyeon, who sat next to Eric and Younghoon in the first row of nosebleeds.
Jun dragged a hand down the side of his face, then rubbed his mouth. "Ah, it's uhm, old theater superstition," he replied. "Usually, backstage crew leaves the ghost light on so anybody coming in doesn't trip on anything or accidentally get hurt or, y'knowâbreak anything."
"It couldn't have just gone out because of the power then?" Hyunjae asked.
Younghoon shook his head. "Usually it runs on the same electricity that every other light runs on. I've never been in a theater where the ghost light just randomly goes out, and there weren't any power outages today either."
"The problem isn't even about the ghost light," you said. Everyone's eyes flickered over to you and Hyunjae. Hyunjae patted one of the legs you had on either side of his upper body as a means of consolation or comfort. "It's about the props and costumes. We're just lucky that they were just scattered and not properly damaged. We would've been set back another week at least."
Eric perked up. "Maybe it's the ghost of Shakespeare haunting the hall!"
A snort fell from your lips as you mused, "Shakespeare in the park?"
Hyunjae cleared his throat as he prepared his best rendition of the Iron Man line: "Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?"
As the two of you shared a giggle and fistbump, the other remaining members of your party sent you strange, confused looks.
Younghoon gave an eye roll. "Oh dear god, you two really are meant for each other."
You caught Jun and Jihyo whip their heads toward you, but before anything else could be said, Jihoon was hustling back into the auditorium from the lobby doors in the back. He brushed the hair out of his eyes as he jogged over to where all of you were gathered, those signature bags under his eyes prominently featured. Oh, you definitely felt terrible.
"What'd they say, Jihoon?" Jihyo asked first.
Jihoon tucked his hands into his pockets as he joined the loose cult circle. "Security found that the locks on the front of the hall were picked open, so they wouldn't have gotten a record of somebody's card being used. Cams picked up someone dressed in black, but they knew where the camera would have gotten a clear shot of them. But because there wasn't anything officially damaged, there isn't much legal action we can take."
Juyeon offered quietly, "Breaking and entering."
Jihoon gestured to him. "Right. Breaking and entering, but that's about it." He pinched the bridge of his nose between his eyes. "It wasn't just a prank or whatever. At least, I don't think so. What do you think, Yn?"
You swallowed, straightening slightly. "I don't think so either. I mean, I don't think any drunk pranksters would go through the trouble of picking open a lock. Even a sober one."
"Maybe a spiteful classmate," Jun suggested with a meager shrug. "Some people are ruthless."
"If there isn't much we can do, or much security is willing to do," you muttered, "then we should call it a night. We just have to take pains to lock everything up every rehearsal now."
Jihoon nodded sharply. "Right. Pains, but necessary ones."
"I'm sorry this happened to you," Eric frowned. A murmur of agreement echoed from everyone else in the group.
You pursed your lips. "It's okay, Iâit's not okay, obviously, but I'm glad no one's hard work was properly destroyed. That's all that matters." Even if your nerves were a little shaken. Who could have done this?
The remainder of your time spent in the theater was picking everything up and putting them in their rightful places. By the time the group of you had finished locking everything up, the night had slipped away into its proper depths. Everyone was ready to get the hell out of here and go home to their beds, and Jihoon was certain to show you the ghost light being turned and sustaining for at least a couple minutes before the two of you were the last out.
Juyeon, Eric, Younghoon, and Jihoon said their goodnights and goodbyes, already departing their separate ways to go home. You lifted your head up to find where Jihyo and Jun were waiting for you when you saw Hyunjae standing closer to the entryway of the hall. He gave you a sleepy smile, opening up his arms for you to walk right into.
"Tired?" He chuckled, the sound creating a soft vibration in his chest as you shoved your face into his pretty-smelling sweater.
"Mm," you grunted. "You didn't go home with Younghoon?"
"Nah. I wanna go home with you."
In any other context, in any other situation, that would have meant something completely different. You swallowed, wrapping your arms around his frame. With a nod, you screwed your eyes shut and swept away those wistful thoughts. "Okay, fine."
You didn't know why you kept doing this to yourself. But he was your best friend, and tonight was⊠a lot. A friendly sleepover was something you neededâat least, that was what you were telling yourself.
â â¶
Being the oh-so courteous guest he was (especially since he practically invited himself over), Hyunjae let you take the shower first. You shared a townhouse a bus ride away from the university campus with two others whom you knew from rooming with them your first year of college. You had lucked out with the random roommate assignments that year, and the three of you weren't the closest nor best of friends, but you found great housemates in each other, which was just as valuable.
You had your own room and ensuite up on the topmost floor, so you and Hyunjae had a bit of privacy and wouldn't bother your friends below. You had finished with your shower a bit ago, so you were settled on your bed, flipping through emails and ensuring no important ones had ended up in the spam folder.
When you heard the door open from the bathroom, you glanced up, but returned your gaze back to this one email about a sponsorship that needed to be added to the playbill later.
"I accidentally grabbed the wrong shirt."
You hummed in question as you quickly forwarded the email to Jihyo, then looked up. A laugh sputtered out of your mouth as you took in Hyunjae taking up the space of your doorway. He was in a pair of his own sweatpants that he often left here, but instead of one of his t-shirts, he must have accidentally grabbed one of your tops. It was a Hello Kitty one you'd found in the back of your closet awhile ago, and fit you pretty nicely, so it looked strained on Hyunjae.
You flopped onto the bed, rolling around in your own laughter. "Jae!âyour tits don't fit in that, honey."
Hyunjae's mouth stretched into a grin, his tongue darting out for a second. His dirty blond hair, damp and curly, hung slightly in his eyes over his forehead. "Oh, shut up."
To your detriment (you deserved this, you really did), he then smiled (more like, smirked) as he casually lifted the top over his head.
Your eyes widened just as your entire body lit up on fire. "Hey, woah there! Dude!" You jokingly covered your eyesâyour whole faceâwith your hands as he flicked the shirt off, straightened it out, then stalked over to your closet to swap tops.
Hyunjae rolled his eyes as he ripped another shirt from a hanger and came to take a seat on the edge of the bed. "You've seen me shirtless before, Yn. Calm down."
No. How could you just calm downâ? It was nearly impossible when you saw the way the muscles in his back rippled as he yanked the new, white T-shirt over his head. With muted sadness, you watched as the toned muscle on his stomach disappeared beneath the fabric.
Damn.
"You're drooling."
Your eyes darted up to where he was grinning down at his phone screen now, only looking at you from his periphery where you were still lying on the bed.
You huffed, rising onto your knees and hoping your embarrassment wasn't plain as day. But you subtly swiped your thumb across your lower lip to make sure you weren't actually drooling. This is your best friend, Yn; control yourself. "Loser."
"Child."
"Chicken."
"Weirdo."
"Nerd!" You shot back, making him laugh as you draped yourself over his back and tucked his head under your chin. His wet, cold hair tickled your skin, but it was a welcome sensation.
You peered down at his phone with him from your perch. "Who's that?" You asked as he opened up a new text notification from a new number.
You were scanning the message the sender had texted while Hyunjae huffed. "Another of your suitors, milady," he drawled sarcastically.
The message said something like "would she be interested?", the "she" referring to you.
Hyunjae typed out: In you? Probably not.
You let out a gasp, hitting him playfully on the (muscle of his) shoulder. "Hyunjae!"
He snickered, exiting out of the text chain, then deleting the number. "What? I'm just being honest. I feel like every dude who's interested in you goes through me to ask and it's so lame."
You absentmindedly watched as he opened up Instagram and started brainlessly doom-scrolling. "Maybe it's 'cause you've so clearly friendzoned me," you muttered incoherently under your breath.
"Huh? What was that?"
"Maybe it's 'cause they see you as the gatekeeper," you amended, leaving him to climb off your bed and step into the bathroom to prepare your toothbrush for use.
You could hear the incredulity in his voice. "Gatekeeper? Pfft, no way. They're all just cowards; they don't deserve you if they can't ask you out to your face." After a second, he added, "Hey, I don't gatekeep you!"
You made a face at yourself in the mirror as you brushed your teeth. "Uh-huh."
"That's not reassuring, Yn-ie."
You poked your head out of the bathroom and made eye contact with where he had rearranged his position so he sat up against the headboard. "I was just agreeing with you," you teased, then retreated back into the bathroom to finish up your night routine.
"No, you weren't, you menace."
You flicked the lights in the bathroom and bedroom off and rolled onto the bed next to him. The two of you laid facing each other in the dark, your bodies kept to your own sides of the bed and blanket. You both were propped onto your sides, one arm tucked beneath your head.
"I don't gatekeep you," he said into the silence, his voice lowering to match the volume of darkness. He poked your cheek with a finger, as if he could stamp the declaration there.
You gave a small smile. "Okay, Jae." A thought suddenly occurred to you as you broke your stare-down to twist around and grab your phone from the nightstand to see if Jihyo and Jun had said something to the group chat. "Oh, by the way, did you ever figure out what Ellie wanted?"
Hyunjae shifted so he was on his back now, one hand still braced behind his head and the other resting on his stomachâbut his eyes still watched you. "Something about a random high school project from senior year. She couldn't find the file for it and wanted to draw inspiration from it or something."
"I didn't know you had a project with her in senior year," you said offhandedly, shutting your phone off and replacing it onto the nightstand. You sighed, slipping further beneath the covers and closer to Hyunjae.
He drew you close, tucking you beneath his chin this time. "Yeah, it wasn't really important. Nothing to worry about."
"I wasn't worrying."
You could already feel yourself drifting off into dreamland, the exhaustion in your eyes making your eyelids close like valance curtains at the very front, lowering to mask the backstage magic from the audience. Except, the magic were your thoughts rocketing into the realm of the fictional. For a split second, you thought about somebody being in your position with your best friend one day. Would it hurt to think about then as much as it did now?
You couldn't exactly think about that future right now. Hyunjae, you liked to think, was far from letting anyone new into his carefully-maintained walls. He had been hurt by people before, and you'd be damned if you didn't protect him from that ever happening again.
You thought Hyunjae had fallen asleep until you felt his thumb brush against the back of your shoulder. "When have I ever friend-zoned you?"
Your heart stuttered in your chest for a moment, but it wasn't enough to wake you up completely. As you drifted off fully, you convinced yourself that you had imagined him saying that. You were both awfully tired, anyway.
EPISODE SEVEN: OH SHIT, WAS MY MIC ON?
TWO whirlwind weeks had flown by. You could hardly even soak in the moments of this last undergraduate project before it all began to blur together. The only ways you were able to properly tell time were crossing out calendar dates andâ
âOh my god, oh my god! Get it out, get it out!â
You, along with everyone present in the main auditorium of the performing arts hall, came to a screeching halt as a flurry of squeals erupted from somewhere deep backstage. You and the conductor of the pit orchestra exchanged concerned expressions before you were making a beeline for the fastest access point backstage. Younghoon and Eunwoo were swift to accompany you, and though you had a sinking feeling you knew what this was, you held your grimace for when you confirmed your suspicions.
Over the past couple of weeks, the feeling of being watched had not faded from the back of your mind. You tried to adjust rehearsal schedules so that they were a little earlier in the evening, but people had lives and you simply could not inconvenience them based on someone trying to scare you. Plus, with the spring season flying in swiftly, the sun retired a lot later, which gave you some peace of mind, at least.
But over that same time, the person meddling with your show had ceased to cease. One day it was sky blue fabric strewn all over the main stage; another day it was peacock feathers left in the projection box; there were cables missing from tech, headsets changed to radio channels. Somebody was clearly pulling out all the stops to ensure that this theater and production was full of old theater superstitions and bad luck, either to scare you or the people you were working with (or both), and franklyâit was working. To an extent.
You stormed into the back corridor of the performing arts hall, the supporting cast and tech crew all sprinkled about the hallway, anxiously watching you and your friends pass by them toward one of the larger dressing rooms.
âWhat is going on?â You demanded as you entered the dressing room. There was a small gathering of people gawking at somethingâthe dressing room vanity mirror. The breath left your lungs at the sight.
The surface of the mirror was vandalized, the infamous word âMacbethâ scrawled all over its reflective plane in red lipstick. Some of the product had begun to melt from the heat of the lightbulbs around the mirror and dripped down the mirror like blood. It would have been a comical prank if this wasnât a theater. You felt a stiff, cool breeze run across your skin.
Somebody was really trying to fuck you over, huh.
You shoved down a swallow. âSomebody get me some Windex,â you croaked. When nobody moved, you repeated yourself, forcing a bit more strength into your voice.
Chan appeared in the room, his own eyes pinned to the subject matter upon the mirror, as he handed you a bottle of Windex and an old rag.
You snatched it out of his hands with a âthank youâ, then marched up to the mirror. With shaky hands, you began scrubbing away at the word written over and over on the mirror. You heard Chan corral everyone out of the dressing room and back to their original activities. All your senses had dulled by now, and you felt Younghoon gently pry the rag from your hands so he could reach the spaces that you couldnât.
âWho is doing this?â You voiced to the now sparsely populated dressing room. You sat in one of the dressing room chairs with your hand pressed to your forehead with Younghoon, Chan, and Jihoon present. Eunwoo had gone out to calm people down, but you knew that this was going to draw a line for some people. It was a known superstition not to utter the name of the notorious Scottish Play in a theater, and it had just been named about a couple dozen times on the mirror behind you.
Your friends could offer no suggestions.
Your pride took an even bigger hit when you decided to cut the remainder of rehearsal for the day; you were certain there were at least a handful of people who were scandalized by what just happened.
âAre you okay, though?â Younghoon asked you for the third time as the two of you watched people leave the performing arts hall from the base of the nosebleeds. âI know that youâre not usually so⊠swayed by superstition.â
You could only give a stiff shrug. âIâm not,â you agreed, âbut this is going to be the biggest project and production of my undergrad career. I donâtâI canât take any chances.â You smoothed a hand over one half of your face. âGod, Iâm just tired, Hoon. Iâm so stressed, and cutting rehearsal short todayâweâre gonna be set back another dayââ
âHey,â he soothed, grasping you by the shoulders so you would look him in the eye. He offered a kind smile, âYouâre doing great, Yn. I canât imagine the pressure youâre under right now for this to go perfectly, but I think you have to have a little faith in all of us, including yourself. One rehearsal is not going to make a difference in the long run. Weâve got a lot of talented, hard-working people who will sleep this mishap off and come right back to make up for lost time.â
He squeezed your shoulder. âAnd whoeverâs been doing this? Theyâll get their due karma.â
You let his words soak into your brain. You needed this; you needed those words said to you. With a nod, you and Younghoon deigned to head out with everyone else. Jihoon and Chan were swift to shut the theater down for the evening, as well.
As you and Younghoon stepped out into the early evening, the sky still glowed a buttery yellow swirled in purpley-blue. There was another breeze wafting by, but instead of the chills you got before, it was slightly warmer and made you inhale deeply. The air out here made your lungs less constricted, you realized, and maybe youâd been stuck in that theater for too long lately. This would be good for you, as well as everyone else.
âI think me and some of the cast are gonna get together to go over some scenes at the grove,â said Younghoon as he peered down at his phone screen. âWanna come with?â
You brushed a strand of hair from your face, a decision coming to surface. âNah, I think Iâm gonna take a walk. Get some fresh air.â
Younghoon passed you a brilliant-sort of smile that gleamed in the golden hour light. âAlrighty, director. Sounds good. Have a good night then, Yn-ie.â
âYeah, you too. Thanks for today, Hoon.â
You and Younghoon parted ways there, and while he traveled down the stairs toward east campus, you traveled northward toward the quad. The quad, a place most known for the cherry blossom trees that bloomed in the early spring, was no doubt full of people taking late afternoon strolls in the temperate spring climate. It was the perfect environment for you to relax and let some of the stress and pressure fade from your pulsing temples.
There were no longer cherry blossom flowers blooming upon the dark branches, but healthy, dark green leaves. Even if they were shades of pink, they were still beautiful nonetheless.
After making a full loop around the quad lawnâs perimeter, you made a detour down one of the side pathways that were lined in trees that yawned toward its partner on the other side of the pathway. It was noticeably quieter and less populated here, and for once, you actually didnât feel like you were being watched.
You were walking for only a few minutes in the serenity when you saw a pair of people standing in a clearing of trees just to your two o'clock. You stopped, a familiar blond haired best friend catching your eyes.
"What the fuck is your problem?" Was what you heard from Hyunjae, and you almost marched right up to them to defend him.
That was, until you saw the girl's face.
You hadn't recognized her at first because she had her back facing you and she had changed her hair. But it wasn't difficult to recognize your old friend, Ellie, the one who Hyunjae said had contacted her. Your eyebrows furrowed in utter confusion. Why were they together right now? You thought Hyunjae had said weeks ago that she was just trying to get ahold of an old project they'd done together in high school.
Ellie placed her hands on her hips, her facial expression stony and unreadable. "Can you think rationally for a second and listen to me all the way through? That's what you agreed to when you said you'd meet me."
Huh?
You pressed your side against the nearest tree trunk, your heart thundering your eardrums.
When Hyunjae said nothing, Ellie continued, exhaling sharply, "Okay. As I was saying earlier, do you even know what the play's about? âŠNo. Look at you; can't you see? You don't even know what it's really about."
"Of course, I know what it's about," Hyunjae sneered. "It's about how academic pressure and miscommunication can ruin relationshipsâ"
Ellie laughed, the sound mirthful, and yet carried an air of malice that made your skin crawl. This wasn't the Ellie you remembered⊠"That's funny, oh my god! You really don't know what it's about."
"What are you going on about?"
"I think you should ask her," she said with a smile. You peered around the tree, feeling utterly stupid like one of those characters from a teen drama eavesdropping on their lover and their nemesis. "Ask her, Hyunjae. I'm sure she'll tell you what it's really about when you mention that I told you she stâ"
"Yn?"
Oh, for fuck's sake. You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of Jihyo's voice from behind you. You quickly grabbed her and dragged her down behind the tree trunk next to you. When she sent you a look that told you she thought you were completely deranged, you pressed a finger to your lips.
She indulged you, thank god, and followed your lead as you crept around the tree trunk again.
"It's cute that you have so much trust in her," was what you heard Ellie say next.
Jihyo squinted as she tried to identify the girl. "Who the fuck�"
You kept your eyes glued to the pair before you, but muttered to Jihyo quickly, "That's Ellie. Old friend of mine from high school, but we drifted apart. Haven't talked to her since."
"She and Hyunjae are friends?"
"No, I have no clue what's going on." Yet, your stomach twisted and churned and you felt bile crawl up the length of your throat.
A muscle feathered in Hyunjae's jaw, but he couldn't seem to get himself to say something.
Ellie looked upon him pitifully. "One day, she'll drop you, tooâwhen she finds someone better. That's what she did to me, y'know? I don't know why she went to you, though. You are awful. I've heard all the stories."
You saw red.
This time, Jihyo had to grab a fist full of your shirt and yank you down next to her to prevent you from clawing Ellie's vocal chords clean out of her throat. Because you would have.
Anythingâyou would've done anything to never see the flash of shame, hurt, and anger across Hyunjae's face when she said that. It was like she'd slapped him, clean and hard. Your chest ached as you watched his hand tighten into a fist at his side.
"You don't know anything about me," he said icily.
And it was over all too soon. Ellie said something to Hyunjae, but it was too quiet to hear. When Ellie left her own way, Hyunjae stalked off in a different direction, leaving you and Jihyo where the two of you remained hunched behind the tree.
You made to get up, but Jihyo pulled you back down again. "Ji, I have to go make sure he's okayâ"
"I know you do," she told you firmly while keeping you seated down next to her. "But you're not in the right headspace, and neither is he. You need to breathe, especially after today and whatever the hell that was."
When you sent her a questionable look, she explained, "I bumped into Sana on my way to the performing arts center and she told me what happened. Then Younghoon told me you went on a walk and I just tracked your phone to here."
Your jaw dropped. "You tracked myâ"
"Shhh," she shushed you, pressing a finger against your lips. "That's besides the point! Are you okay, Yn? For real."
You leaned back onto your palms, a frown coming up to your lips. "Everyone keeps asking me that lately."
"It's a valid question."
That was fair, you supposed. You released a sigh. "I mean⊠not really? I'm just stressed, and I don't even know what to think or how to comprehend what we just witnessed." Your brain was buzzing with every one of Ellie's biting words. What had she meant by all of that? She sounded so bitter, so malicious⊠What had happened?
Jihyo pressed her lips together, sitting down properly onto the grass. "What was that? Did you and Ellie end on bad terms?"
Your brows creased together and you absentmindedly scratched your jaw. "No," you murmured. "Not that I remember. It was just like we drifted apart over time. At least, that's how I remember it. I dunno."
You blew out another breath of air. Ellie and you had both been really good at what you didâtheater, writing, all of the works. You two were a dynamic duo; if people now claimed you were a prodigy, then Ellie was your twin. In a way, you could probably say that your characters from the play you wrote almost mimicked yours and Ellie's creative abilities and technical prowess, but just in different spheres. While the love story was based upon you and Hyunjae, the foundation had been from you and Ellie.
But it eventually faded, that friendship. You figured that was just how things worked, as unfortunate as it was. You both moved on, and you found Hyunjae.
You relayed all of this to Jihyo, your friend listening to your words intently.
"âbut I've never carried any ill will toward her," you reiterated at the end of your spiel. "I truly haven't heard from her since and she hasn't reached out either. I don't know what could have caused her to tell Hyunjae all of that."
Jihyo pressed her mouth to her knuckles as a thoughtful frown graced her porcelain features. "Hm, yeah. It's curious, for sure. What were they saying before I got here?"
You gnawed on your top lip. "She kept insisting that he didn't know what the play was really about and that he should ask me."
"Huh."
"I know right." You carded a hand through your hair. "I'm screwed."
"Only if he actually works up the guts to ask," she countered. "Though, I think you should beat him to it."
You cocked your head to the side in question. "What do you mean?"
She lifted her shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. "Y'knowâlike you have to confront him about meeting with Ellie. You can't keep this from him; I know you."
Yeah, she was right. It would eat at you if you let that guilt swirl in your stomach. Plus, all of those things Ellie had said to him⊠you hoped he was okay. Dear god, you hoped he was okay.
(But the question now, you supposed, was who would bring it up first?)
EPISODE EIGHT: EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT SHE'S THE BO-BO-BO-BOSS
FUNNY story: it took a week before you and Hyunjae could even have a proper conversation, in person.
With the quarter well underway, there was little to no time to stop and smell the flowers anymore. This had now become a race toward graduation, meaning that everyone was focused on their own problems. The âpranksâ had dulled down, but they were, by no means, completely gone. There were always the occasional cord missing, or that dreaded creaking noise in the wings on late nights.
Youâd grown used to it by this point, and so had your peers, luckily. The conversation between Ellie and Hyunjae sat in the back of your mind at all times. You always knew it was there, but you had so many things to worry about. Act two was just about wrapping up though, and so, play progress was chugging along well on schedule.
You really did have nothing to worry aboutâmaybe it had all been jitters. Maybe it would all just finally go smoothly.
Friday night rehearsal was a little slower tonight since everyone had been here since noon. Youâd all practically spent the entire day together, having lunch first, then diving into proper rehearsal. It had been a rehearsal full of laughs and a good time, and by the time Hyunjae stepped foot into the performing arts hall, you felt that you could take on anything. Even the conversation that needed to take place.
âHey, you said you wanted to talk to me about something?â He said as the two of you stepped into the privacy of the sound booth, the tails of laughter still lingering in the air from the scene he had come into. You were currently rehearsing the directions of the first scene of act three, where Younghoonâs character was going through a full-on âgroom-zillaâ mode while Eunwooâs character couldnât stop talking about Sanaâs character. It had been a full one-eighty character swap between the two friends.
You licked your lips, trying to press your smile down a little. âOh, yeah. I was taking a walk, like, a week agoâand I saw you and Ellie talking.â You figured it would be better to just air it out right away; there was no need to beat around the bush. You lowered yourself onto the edge of one of the tables inside the booth, the air turning stuffy from the insulation inside the box. Crossing your arms loosely over your front, you watched as Hyunjaeâs mood shifted, his body shuffling as he sought a comfortable position against the wall by the door.
Hyunjae cleared his throat, head ducking as his hand cupped the back of his neck. âOh, really? You saw that?â
âI heard what she said to youââ
His head whipped up at that.
ââand I canât believe she said that,â you said, those dagger-sharp words echoing in your mind from what Ellie had said to him about his own character. âAre you⊠are you okay?â
Hyunjaeâs eyes widened a millimeter. âAmâam I okay?â He stammered.
âYeah, I mean, she said that you were awful and it wasâŠâ You shook your head with a haggard sigh. âIâm sorry she said all that to you.â
âThanks,â he exhaled, peering over at you through his eyelashes. He looked so small for once. âIââ He huffed air out from his nostrils, leaning his head back against the wall as he struggled to find the words he wanted to say. âIs that all you heard though?â
No, I also heard her insist you ask me what the play is about. You blinked, your own voice seemingly trapped in your throat. Why couldnât you just own up to it?
But he must have taken your silence as you saying that you hadnât heard anything else, so he gathered his wits to ask you, âYn, whatâs the play really about?â
The breath left your lungs. âYou know what itâs about, Jae. You were there while I wrote it.â Please donât make me say it. Please donât make me say it. Because a part of you knew that if he pushed, you would give. You would tell him because⊠how could you not? If he wanted you to be honest with him, then⊠oh god, would you really? Would you risk this little secret of yours and ruin a friendship? Either wayâit could go either way.
His tongue darted out for a moment as he carded a hand through his hair; he took a couple steps toward you. âI know, Yn. ButâEllie kept on insisting that I ask you what the real idea behind the play is. And sheâand she,â he laughed, the sound disbelieving, âshe said that you stole the idea from her, which is crazy! I know itâs crazy, because I watched you labor over this thing for months.â
She what? All thoughts except for one left your brain at that moment: why in the world would Ellie tell Hyunjae that you stole the idea for Jasmine from her? You didnât remember ever seeing this kind of work from her before. âI didnât steal anything from her.â
âI know,â he replied again, placating you. He now stood right in front of you, but your eyes raced back and forth about a mile a minute as you mentally went through the things you remember ever writing with her. You couldnât remember; you couldnât think. Why would she say that? âSo I just wanted to ask,â he said slowly, his words drawn out as he leaned down slightly so you would look him in the eyes, âwhat is the play really about? The real meaning.â
There were pros and cons to telling him. On the one hand, you could spew the same surface-level bullshit that you usually did, but you had a feeling that one wouldnât work this time. On the other hand, you could tell himâthe truth. That was the worst pill to swallow. It could end in utter catastrophe or it could end in your wildest dreams. But what if, when he didnât feel the same about you, had to let you down easy and your friendship would never be the same ever again? You couldnât bear losing him, you just couldnât. You loved HyunjaeâŠ
âYn, youâre scaring me,â he said with an anxious laugh.
You met his eyes then. âYou donât trust me?â You blurted before you could stop yourself. Those words, that tone⊠it sounded to you like he really was starting to believe what Ellie told him.
Something flashed across his face, and he was racing to defend himself. âWhat? No, of course I trust you. I justâI just want to know what the real meaning behind the play was about; thatâs all!â And if you canât tell me, then what else am I supposed to believe? âYn, come on, honeyâpleaseââ
âItâs about you.â
All breath left him. You saw the way one hundred and one emotions flickered through his eyes; all of thoughts racing about at once as he tried to comprehend. âWhat? I donâtâI donât understand.â
You balled your hands into fists in front of you as the frustration suddenly bubbled to the surface. âI wrote it about us, Hyunjae,â you told him. âAlex is based on you, Kai is based on me. Iâve been in love with you since junior year of high school, and that is what the true premise of the play is about.â Your hands were shaking now, gesturing between the two of you in stiff, constrained motions like the feeling of your chestâs range of movements at this time.
You watched it dawn on him, watched him swallowâhard. âYn, Iâm sorryââ
âJaehyun.â
He shut up immediately.
You pressed your fingers to the space between your eyes. For a second, you swore you could feel tears tickle the insides of your eyes, and you blinked them away, inhaling deeply to get your body to calm the fuck down. Why were you crying? There was no reason to be crying right now. âCan youââ you stumbled over your words for once, ââcan you give me some space. I canât⊠I canât think.â
He obliged you, backing up a few steps, and you said fuck it. âHyunjae, I need space. Please.â
You thought you saw hurt flash across his face, but you just wanted to be out of his eyesight. You couldnât bear to feel those soft, sympathetic eyes on you. You couldnât bear the weight of his âIâm sorry I donât feel the sameâ right now.
âOkay,â he said, though barely audible.
It took a minute, but he left and you were finally able to suck in a large gulp of air. You strode out of the sound box and realized that everyone on stage was either looking your way, or had quickly turned their heads to pretend they hadnât just seen that silent argument take place through the sound box window.
Your face and neck were on fire, but you swallowed your pride and returned to your rightful place in the middle aisles of the floor seats. You picked up your script from where youâd abandoned it by your bag. âRight,â you said, your voice shaky until you cleared your throat. (Your hands were definitely still a bit wobbly, but that wasnât your greatest concern right now.) âWhere were we? Scene one, right?â
Everyone slowly began making their way back to their original positions, but Younghoon walked up to the bottom stage and lowered his voice to say, âYn, we can take a break if you need one. Take five, then reconvene.â
He probably knew what just went down in the sound box. Yet, you found yourself shaking your head. âNo, itâs fine,â you assured him, un-reassuringly. âI can do this, Hoon.â
He frowned at you thenâthose damn, soulful eyesâbut nodded, respecting your decision. Like everyone else, he returned to the original position his character was in at the top of the scene.
Iâm sorry, his voice seemed to echo in your ears. A part of you ached at the thought of that stark hurt on his face, but you were hurting, too. Why would you send him away like that?
You blinked, your head clearing. âOkay, everyone. Letâs see it.â
â â¶
A few hours later, you finally had everyone wrap up for the night.
âThanks for all your hard work today!â You exclaimed as the actors and techies began swarming the stage to put props away. You climbed up to the stage, too, jumping onto one of the backdrops that Younghoon was wheeling backstage to help him direct it through the heavy folds of the backdrop curtain.
Younghoon shot you a smile from the other side of the prop. âWell, Miss Director, nice work today.â
You returned the expression wholeheartedly. âThanks, man. The same goes to you; I appreciate all your hard work today. And that idea for the wedding sequence was absolutely brilliant.â
He chuckled at that, and the two of you worked together to slot the prop onto the cart with the rest of the ones that were just like it. A couple of stagehands then moved the assembly line along and rolled the cart down the hall to lock up in one of the dressing rooms. âI like to think Iâve been to enough weddings at this point to know how to spice them up.â
âAh, thatâs right,â you mused along with him as the two of you began walking down the backstage corridor to where you knew his partner was hard at work with that miraculous fountain. âI remember something about yours and YH!Ynâs first proper outing being to your cousinâs wedding?â
Younghoon threw his head back with a hearty chuckle at that. âYour memory serves you correctly then,â he confirmed. âWell, it wasnât our first proper outing together. Technically, we met at an outingââ
âWhat do you think they were arguing about? It looked like they broke up or something.â
The line caught you off guard, and your footsteps faltered. Younghoon gave you a confused look, eyebrow arched. Your ears strained to eavesdrop on the conversation happening in one of the open dressing rooms you just passed by.
âNo way that they were dating! ⊠okay, I guess that would make sense why she put up with him all the time,â a second voice scoffed. âMaybe she finally got tired of his bullshit and cut him off.â
âThat would make sense as to why he got out of the theater so fast. I went to their high school, and even after Hyunjae left, the year above me still talked about himââ
Your hand slammed against the doorframe of the dressing room, effectively making the two stagehands inside jump in surprise. They gaped at you with wide eyes, lips parted in shock as you addressed them with a carefully-made blank expression. âLetâs not go sticking our noses where they arenât appreciated, yeah? Worry about yourselves, thanks.â
The two bowed their heads, apologies crawling from their mouths, and you turned back into the hallway where Younghoon was waiting for you.
You resumed your walk down the hall, and your friend casted you a side-long glance. âThanks for standing up for him like you do,â he said to you. âI donât know what happened today, butâŠâ
âIt doesnât matter what happened today,â you said to Younghoon with a small exhale. You gave him a smile, even though you knew it wasnât convincing. âIâll always stand up for him.â
âEven when he doesnât deserve it?â Younghoon joked with a laugh.
Your smile curled a little wider. âEven when he doesnât deserve it.â In reality, you knew that he deserved to have someone stand up for him. Whether that be you, or Younghoon, or even Jihoonâyou knew that everyone deserved to have someone watch their back when they werenât around. You might have pushed him away earlier this evening, but that would never stop you from continuing to protect him. It was simple, really; you loved him.
EPISODE NINE: ARE DRAMA MAJORS ALWAYS SO DRAMATIC? WAIT, DONâT ANSWER THAT.
âI donât understand why we couldnât have done this in the grocery store like you guys always do,â Hyunjae grumbled as sounds of livelihood raged all around him: pots and pans clanged to the sizzle of food on the stove, the TV played some random American murder mystery show on low volume, and Hyunjae was sandwiched in between two others on his and Younghoonâs apartment couch.
Chanhee, who sat on the other side of Juyeon (who was on one side of Hyunjae), snorted. His nose was in his phone as he scrolled through Instagram, but didnât look up as he replied, âAs if weâd let you into Grocery Aisle Therapy. Thatâs exclusive admission.â
âThatâs true,â Jacob chimed in from Hyunjaeâs other side, as the man spooned a generous helping of Frosted Flakes into his mouth, âI tried.â
âAnd if even Jacob was denied entry,â Sangyeon mused from the kitchen as he turned off the stove and hood range, carrying over a bowl of the fried rice he had made for himself. Haknyeon skipped behind him with his own bowl and his cheeks were already full of the delicious food. Eric and Sunwoo were swift to follow their friendâs lead and raced into the kitchen to get a helping for themselves.
Changmin made a face from where he sat on the floor below Chanhee and Younghoon. âNot for lack of trying. You shouldâve seen JC!Yn try to resist his goo-goo eyes. Bleh,â he gagged.
âI admire her tenacity then,â Hyunjae sniffed. âNot everyone can resist Jacob.â
Jacob beamed.
Kevin narrowed his eyes at Changmin. He sat just a few spaces away from the glasses-wearing menace, but carefully cross-legged and cradling a bowl of popcorn in his hands. âYou say that when you literally pined after your girlfriend like an angsty teenager for three years.â He feigned a face of contemplation, then added, âOh wait, you actually are an angsty teenâaye! Dad, Changmin hit me!â
âI am so sick of this family,â Sangyeon mumbled under his breath as he collapsed into the armchair adjacent to the sofa-sectional everyone else flocked upon. âEnough, both of you. Why were we all called here, again?â
Eric slid back into the living room on the polished wood floors in his socks, then perched atop the arm of Sangyeonâs armchair as he feasted upon his bowl of fried rice. He carefully lowered each spoonful of rice into his mouth so he wouldnât dirty the fluffy cardigan he now wore. "Hyung's in trouble with his lady lover."
âLady lover?â Sunwoo echoed with his face scrunched up like he just ate something sour. He had taken the spot between Kevin and Changmin to hopefully stop one from kicking the other again (hopefully).
"You're so judgmental."
"And you'reâ"
Sangyeon massaged the migraine pulsing in his temples away furiously with a clear grimace. "Shush, children. What did you do this time, Hyunjae?"
Hyunjae's jaw dropped, an image akin to one particular Pikachu meme. "Why am I immediately assumed to be the one at fault?"
"You summoned us all here," Haknyeon said with a shrug. "And Younghoon hyung said that it looked like you and Yn-ie suffered a break up in front of the entire main cast of Jasmine."
Hyunjae threw a displeased glance Younghoon's way; the tall man grinned sheepishly as if saying "what was I supposed to doâlie?" Hyunjae stared down at his lap, fidgeting with his fingers and the watch on his wrist. "It wasn't a break upâŠ"
Kevin made a disapproving noise. "Oh, we know."
Hyunjae glared down at the top of Kevin's head. "Rude."
"Okay, so explain what happened," Juyeon prompted.
The man in question sucked in a breath. Where to begin? Someone muted the TV, so Hyunjae and Younghoon's apartment descended into a coat of silence. Everyone waited for Hyunjae's response.
Hyunjae decided that there was only one logical way to start. He began when he first received a text message from the elusive 'Ellie', your supposed best friend before him. He couldn't believe you had a soulmate other than him, but it only mattered that you two had found each otherânot that that matteredâ
He went through the entire spiel: Ellie had texted him about some project they worked on together in senior year of high school. He hadn't known why she would even care about something dumb they'd done in high school especially when she was a fourth year in college like the rest of you. But she had asked politely and he wasn't one to just dismiss someone when it was a simple, innocent request. However, when he had finished with this little task, he should have stopped there.
Their conversations eventually escalated from innocent "oh, you remember whenâŠ" to "if we meet, you have to agree to hear my side of the argument." He remembered her exact words: "You'll be very shocked to hear the truth" regarding your business with the play. He wanted to look out for you like you always did for him (and screw it, he was curious), so he obliged Ellie and met with her.
That had been one of many mistakes he made. The biggest mistake was what went down at the theater a couple of days ago. And now? He had just made you confess to him, he had broken your trust, and he didn't know how he was going to make it up to you.
(He had to admit though, that once he finally got space to think about what you said to him, there was something about the prospect of you being in love with him that gave his heart a lively kick-startâ)
Chanhee reached over Juyeon's head and swatted Hyunjae's neck like there was a very large mosquito there. "You dumbass!"
Hyunjae yelped, his hand reaching up to rub the aching place furiously. "Ow!"
"Deserved," Kevin sang as he tossed a handful of popcorn into his mouth. "That was super not cool, man."
"You don't think I know that?" He rolled his eyes.
"Yes," everyone chorused together.
Cue his next set of eye rolls.
"Hyung," said Sunwoo as he shifted so he faced Hyunjae. His eyes squinted up at him, his curly bangs falling into his pupils as they usually did. "How could you not see that she was in love with you? You have to be blinder than a bat."
"You've been hanging out with SW!Yn too much," Changmin teased.
"Hey, don't bring her into this and taint her good name! Even she saw how perfectly enraptured Yn-ie is."
Changmin opened his mouth to make another unnecessary comment, but Sunwoo slapped a palm over his friend's mouth.
"I guess that leaves one question," said Juyeon, finally, after a long stretch of his silence.
"And what's that, Juyeonie?" Sangyeon asked.
Juyeon pursed his lips together in a slight pout. "What else? Are you in love with Yn, too, Hyunjae?"
Ohâ
Hyunjae's thoughts careened to a stop when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He maneuvered around on the couch cushion to retrieve the device, his heart pounding in anticipationâbut that emotion was immediately swapped out with utter disdain.
His friends observed this flip with great interest. "Whoâ"
An indignant spark lit Hyunjae's dark irises as he furiously typed something to the sender and promptly blocked the number.
Jacob and Juyeon, who were able to peer over at Hyunjae's phone screen, both widened their eyes in scandal. Jacob grinned, lifting his hand to delicately hide his snickers. "Well that answers our question."
Hyunjae sulked, swiping through his contacts, then blocking Ellie's number, too. He should have done that so damn long ago.
"It was some guy asking if he knew if Yn was free in two weeksâ"
"And she's not," Hyunjae grunted, shoving his phone back into his pocket, then standing up to go get Sangyeon's fried rice in the kitchen. "These fucking guys, man. Like, what the fuck am I gonna do? Hype you up to her? No way in hellâ" He scoffed, slapping a spatula of rice into his bowl with a strength that the bowl, rice, and utensil didn't deserve.
He couldn't believe that one stupid, little thing the two of you had done in freshman year of college had led to this spam of dudes flooding his inbox for you. If he had half a mind, he would declare that you weren't on the market anymore and that you weren't even interested in seeing any⊠bodyâŠ
The thought marinated in his head for a moment as he slowly chewed the fried rice. Why did he want you "off the market"? You were his best friend, but you weren't his to covet or shield or speak for. You weren't his.
You weren't⊠his.
"Oh my god, you can actually see the neurons firing in his brain for once."
Hyunjae plopped himself back into his original place on the couch. "I hate you guys."
"So you've realized that you're in love with her?" Younghoon asked exasperatedly, his hands splayed out on his legs like he was begging to the cosmos.
Hyunjae made a face and pretended that his heart wasn't palpitating and that a drop of sweat wasn't dripping down the back of his neck right now. "What? Of course not," he said through a mouthful of fried rice.
One could hear the collective exhale of disappointment all the way to your townhouse.
â â¶
It was Thursday evening when you found yourself walking out of the performing arts hall after yet another rehearsal, and coming face to face with the person who had become one of your greatest problems over the past month.
Your hand stopped in midair from which you were brushing the hair out of your face when you and a young woman made eye contact. She was seated on one of the benches facing the entryway of the performing arts hall, her attention lifting away from her phone and to you. The sky remained alight and streaked in its dazzling sunset colors, and yet, the sight of her made everything feel grayed.
She smiled at you. "Ah, you're done."
Something crawled beneath the surface of your skin. For a second, you thought it was disgust, but upon further thought, it was really something bittersweet. You swallowed, adjusting your hold on your bag strap. "Can I help you?"
"Do you remember me, Yn?"
"Of course, I do, Ellie." How could I forget you?
Ellie's smile shuddered and you suddenly couldn't read her face. It was strange seeing her four years into the future. You remembered catching glimpses of her in the hallways, her sweet smile and button nose, the freckles sprinkled across her cheekbones like kisses from the sun. "I guess that's one thing out of the way."
Her biting words to Hyunjae appeared in the forefront of your mind. "What you said to Hyunjaeâ"
"Was true," she cut in. "And based on the fact that he blocked me a few days ago, I'm guessing that something happened between you two." Her lips curled upward, "How does it feel to know he actually doubted you? If I'm being honest, it makes me fucking sing, Yn!" There was a shiver-inducing giddiness to her voice and you wondered if this was all a joke. It would be a cruel joke, but anything would be better than this.
Could she see the horror on your face? "Ellie, we were friends," you managed to say.
She pressed her lips together. "We were friends until you decided that we weren't."
"What are you talking about?" You threw back at her. "We drifted apartâ"
"You abandoned me," she quipped. The smile was gone now, her mouth set into a taut line. "You left me to rot."
Your heart dropped into your stomach. About a million things flashed through your mind, but most of all, you came to a very fast epiphany: you'd always thought she was happy. "Ellie," you said, slowly, softly, "I'm sorry that you felt that way. Really, I am so sorry."
"I've made sure you feel that way."
"But you should have left Hyunjae out of this."
Ellie laughed and the sound was harsh. "This isn't about your stupid best friend, or whatever. This is about you and me. I can't believe you thoughtâhow could you prefer him over me? Why did you stop talking to me, Yn?"
You were so confused. All this time, you had thought that yours and Ellie's friendship ended on a mutually neutral ground. You thought that you had just drifted away from one another from the eventuality of time. Was that not how she saw it this entire time?
The end of Ellie's question took on a raspy undertone, the gleam in her eyes less so that of anger, but the melancholy underneath. You wanted to make things right, but you didn't know what that was.
When you had yet to say anything except for letting the breeze waft past your face, she let out a scoff. It was a somewhat embarrassed sound, her eyes skittish. "You know that my parents always compared me to you. Constantly. You remember what you said to me?"
You swallowed. "'They can compare all they want, but you'll always be enough for me.'"
"I didn't want to bother you when we 'drifted apart', as you say," she continued on with a huff. "And then I saw you and Hyunjae, and the way you looked at himâgod, I knew right away, Yn. And I was so bitter. Just so, so bitter." She shook her head. "I've been thinking about this for a long time."
Dear god, you hadn't known this whole time. You'd wished you had known. You didn't know what you might have done differentlyâmaybe not have been so blindâbut⊠what if you couldn't have saved that friendship? Was this always meant to happen in the grand scheme of the universe's stage?
You made your way toward her and she simply watched as you stopped a handful of paces away from her. âI didnât mean to drift away from you or to make you feel like I was replacing you in any way.â For a moment, you were quiet, and you inhaled a deep breath to query, "What made you suddenly want to confront me after so long then?"
She peered up at you, a mixture of sadness and something sharper in the reflection of her irises. "You didn't have to keep getting better and showing off. I just got sick of living in your shadow when you weren't even there."
You bristled at that. âWhat else could I have done? Iâm sorry you felt that way, really, but I had a lot of pressure on my shoulders, too. I wanted them to stop expecting more from me, but each time I did something right, they kept pushing for more. And Iââ
âI just wanted my friend back!â She exclaimed.
The words died on your tongue, dissipating in the tense air between you two. The fight left you then, seeing the hard break in her expression, a sliver of the girl you remembered from so long ago. What happened to her? Sheâd been poisoned by whatever feelings were locked inside her, and you supposed that it was only inevitable that those same feelings would one day be unleashed. You wished she didnât have to confront you this way. "So you thought lying to Hyunjae would have done the trick?" You finally murmured.
"You didn't figure out who's been messing around with your production all quarter?"
The question caught you off guard, but you were quick to catch on nonetheless. Your breath hitched as you stood there, stunned. "That was you?"
A nod.
"All of it?" Disbelief struck you clean across the face and you felt like you'd just been slapped. A new level of anger boiled in your blood; all of those nights you spent creeped out of your mind, the extra stress from all the superstitious bullshitâ
"This is our last act," she said, her tongue darting out for a moment. "I don't want anything else from you after this."
You couldnât believe she would go through all of this troubleâall for what? All to prove what? It was utterly childish, preposterous, dramatic. âGood,â you asserted, as firmly as you could muster, âI donât want anything from you either.â
And there was a split-second where you saw a crack in her expression, truly. Before, when youâd seen that bit of melancholy seep through, it must have been purposeful. Perhaps it was to draw some kind of sympathy or guilt from you, but after she admitted to doing all of that crap to you and your peers, you werenât about to lean into that, old friend be damned. Of course you felt bad that she had felt like that for so long. You pitied her. But it didnât mean you had to forgive her; not for this.
Maybe this was it though: all she wanted from you was for you to feel as helpless as she had, but you simply couldnât feel that way. All that you could feel was cold fury.
âFine,â she cleared her throat, straightening. âI hope you learned your lesson.â
You let out a scoff, the sound making her eyelids shudder. Your teeth grated against each other as you closed yours and her âfinal actâ: âAnd I hope youâve learned yours. I hope I never see you again.â
You turned brusquely on your heel to walk away before you did anything rash. But a sudden thought appeared on the tip of your tongue, and you found yourself stopping. When you glanced back at her, she was watching you leave with an emotion you couldnât quite detect. The two of you had been such good friends, and⊠you really wished you could understand her position better. âI just donât understand why you went through all this trouble. If you had justâtexted me, called meââ You made a gesture with your hand then let the limb fall limply to your side, âYou couldâve just said hi.â
You left her behind after that, purposefully this time. Did people like Ellie deserve their chance at redemption? Maybe when the dust had settled, but for now, you hoped she received her due karma.
EPISODE TEN: GOOGLE, DEFINE DRAMATIC IRONY.
THEY said that a terrible dress rehearsal marked a production for a brilliant opening night. As Michael, the wine salesman dude, forgot his fifth line of the rehearsal; as the tech staff in the box forgot their second lighting cue of the night; and as Hongjoong continued to have to fuss over Sanâs Uncleâą beard for the third time, you were trying very hard to keep that saying in mind.
Weeks had passedâyou didnât know how many, maybe five, maybe two, maybe an entire yearâbut that entire time, you didnât feel Ellieâs presence haunting you anymore, nor had you heard from Hyunjae yet. He was busy with his architectural capstone project, anyway, and you felt that you both needed to take this time to yourselves to focus on more important things. (You thought this as if your friendship with him didnât mean the absolute fucking world, but you were pretty sure you were seconds away from setting this building on fire soâ)
The dreaded Tech Week had descended upon the cast and crew of Jasmine. Not only that, but it was also Finals Week, meaning everyone in this room was just as stressed out as they usually were, except, five times more. It made for a great rehearsal, clearly.
ââremember that as soon as she says âfine!â, you have to be out here to pull the rug out from beneath her feet,â you instructed the stagehand, who looked a millisecond away from passing out right there on the stage.
When they nodded their understanding, you turned away with a migraine pounding away at your temples. You just had to get through one more act, and you could call it a night. Opening night was literally in four days, and you were trying not to yearn after your best friend and feel guilty about pushing him awayâand then there was the guilt that had slowly bubbled up over the past few weeks from what happened with Ellie. Maybe it had been all your faultâ
âYn, your eye is twitching.â
âHuh?â You perked up from where you were seemingly glaring a hole in the ground of the nosebleeds. Younghoon shot you an amused, yet mildly concerned look from within the winds of the stage. âOh, sorry. Can we take it from the top of act three, please? One more act, people; letâs hang in there.â
That latter bit was more for you.
By the end of rehearsal, everyone was just as happy as you were to head home. Today was Monday, the beginning of the week, and yet you wished it was Saturday alreadyâgraduation. Now that was the light at the end of the tunnel.
Younghoon held the door open for you as the two of you exited out the front doors of the performing arts hall. When you murmured a thank you to him, he fell into step with you easily. The walk to the bus station seemed impossibly long with the ache in your legs.
Younghoon released a low-sounding whistle. âSoâŠâ
âHm?â
âAre you coming to Cobieâs surprise birthday party tomorrow? I know itâs finals week and tech week, but itâd be nice to have that little break beforehand.â
Oh, right. Hyunjaeâs friend Jacob was having his birthday partyâwell, it wasnât him who was hosting, but his girlfriend. She had organized all of it, and had even had the good will to extend an invitation to you. At the time, you couldnât find it in you to say no, despite the knowledge of your busy month at the forefront of your mind. But even now, you found it hard to really formulate a concrete response. The uneasiness was creeping up on you again.
âI dunno, HoonâŠâ you said lowly with a wince. âMaybe I should just catch up on sleep, yâknow? And plus, I donât want my feelings for Hyunjae to ruin the mood or anything. Iâm kind of a Debby Downer right now,â you laughed pitifully.
Younghoonâs mouth curved into a frown. âYn, youâre not a downer. Youâre stressed and you have a lot of burden on your shoulders, but⊠I think something carefree will be good for you, no? Maybe you should at least stop by and say hello to peopleâtake advantage of Hyunjae having to be in charge of providing free booze for everyone.â
You glanced up at him, meeting his kind eyes. âIâll think about it,â you promised. You were probably too tired to think logically about going anywhere else but your bed at this moment.
Younghoon nodded. âOkay.â
As the two of you carried on down the stairs now, the bus stop in sight, you gathered your wits about you. âHow is⊠how is he, by the way?â You asked.
Younghoon peered at you with something akin to gentleness and sympathy. âHeâs⊠I think heâs okay.â He squinted one eye as he looked up toward the night sky, the thoughts meandering about his head. âYou just have to give him some time. You know how stubborn he is,â he joked.
You could only give a shallow nod at that.
Not one to let a friend leave him so upset, he nudged you with the back of his hand. âHey, donât worry too much about him, okay? You have a lot on your plate right now, and you deserve to have your head in the game, okay? Itâs all gonna be okay.â
âYou always have such a way with words,â you laughed lightly as you wiped a tear from your eyeâwhether it was from emotions or just being plain exhausted, you couldnât tell.
He smiled again then. âIf I wrote down these words, Iâd be stealing your job, Miss Director.â
Your laugh was a little brighter at that note. âOkay, Actor Extraordinaire. Weâll see about that.â
The two of you shared a laugh, and when you reached the bus stop, Younghoon waited until the bus came by to pick you up. It wasnât yet deep night, but he was a gentleman all the same. You climbed up into the bus, scanning your transportation card as you went, then sat by a window to wave to Younghoon.
When the bus pulled away from the curb and away into the night, Younghoon pulled out his phone to the text chain with his partner. Heâd come to a decision then, and as hungry as he was, he figured he could channel this annoyance into confronting one certain man by the name of Lee Jaehyun.
younghoonâs phone: love, i think iâm going to be late for dinner
beloved mastermind: iâll save u a seat <;3
â â¶
The lights beneath the swimming pool glowed an ethereal shade of fluorescent blue. It reminded Younghoon of a mermaid's cove with the way the light waves reflected off the ceilings of the building to create scales on the rafters. The emptiness of the indoor swimming pool was offset by the thrashing of flesh against water as a lone swimmer stole lap after lap across the great blue.
Younghoon lowered himself onto a steel bleacher and watched Hyunjae bolt from one end of the pool to the next, hardly taking the time to breathe air, like he breathed chlorine and water instead. The familiarity of the smellâwarm stone, pungent chemicalsâsent flashes of Younghoon's own days on the high school swim team to his mind.
At last, Hyunjae took his final lap, his breathing coming out labored as he swept a hand up his face and through his hair. His locks slicked all the way back, and his chest rose and fell harshly as adrenaline pumped through his veins and his lungs fought to consume oxygen without asphyxiating on it.
Hyunjae clambered his elbows onto the deck. "How'd youâknow I was here?" He managed to say, nodding his thanks as Younghoon handed him the water bottle at the other end of the bench from him where Hyunjae's duffle bag sat.
Younghoon gave a meager shoulder shrug. "I know you too well not to," he said. The two were both swimmers, and where else would swimmers go to put their head somewhere else and to escape the world?
Hyunjae couldn't argue with that.
The two friends were quiet for a minute as Younghoon let Hyunjae catch his breath. There was something troubling about seeing him so tense, even after pumping out so many laps. The exhaustion didn't seem to outweigh the conflict warring in his mind.
Finallyâ "Hyunjae-ah, what are you doing?"
Hyunjae blinked up at him, perplexed. "Huh?"
Younghoon leaned his cheek against his palm, elbow resting on top of his knee. He fixed him with a stare. "What are you doing?" He repeated.
This time, the message seemed to have been delivered successfully. Hyunjae licked his lips, his gaze averting away from Younghoon. "Did you come here just to scold me?"
"No, I came here to tell you you're being an angsty teen."
Hyunjae scowled, his lips pressed into a pout. "No, I'm not."
Younghoon rolled his eyes just as his stomach grumbled in protest at him not going straight to meet his partner for dinner. Instead, here he was, trying to talk sense to a wall. "You're so childish sometimes."
He quieted. Hyunjae leaned his head against the meat of his forearm, eyes fluttering closed against the warmth of the heated pool deck. "How is she?"
"She's not good, but she's also not bad," Younghoon replied. He sighed, leaning forward onto his forearms for a more comfortable confrontation position. His lips pulled into a line. "Stressed, of course, but I think that was a given."
Hyunjae rubbed his eyes. "I fucked up, Younghoon."
A solemn nod. "I'm glad you see it now."
"This isn't a joke."
"I'm not saying it's a joke."
Hyunjae squinted at him. "Sometimes I don't believe you."
Younghoon smiled cheekily. "Well, sometimes you have to pick who and what to believe."
That hit a nerve, even if Younghoon didn't mean it to. Hyunjae immediately thought of yours and his last conversation. He couldn't get the image out of his head of the look of betrayal on your face when you asked him if he didn't trust you. He'd been stupid to be so curious, but of course he trusted you. He'd always trusted you. Who else could he trust but the very person who always protected him and was by his side? So why did he have to go and be so stupid?
He backed away from the wall for a minute and simply stood in the middle of the shallow lane as if the water could give him wisdom. "I," he began, then sighed, "I miss her a lot. I've wanted to text her, to call her so many times." He smiled, but it wasn't a happy one. "I think I just don't know what I would say."
"An apology would be a good start," suggested Younghoon.
"RightâŠ" That was obvious, and yet, it was always the most difficult step. Would you let him come back into your life after a reveal like that? Feelings were such fragile, fickle things.
His heart sank at the idea of losing you forever though.
One day, she'll drop you, too, those damned words replayed over and over in his head like a broken record. âWhen she finds someone better⊠I don't know why she went to you, though. You are awful. I've heard all the stories.
Once upon a time, Hyunjae hadn't always been "awful" or dogged down by other people's negative testimonials about his attitude. So what if he had been "scorned by love" as you so lovingly put it one time? That experience had been enough for him to shut down all access points, keeping you sheltered in with him. It was hard for him to think of wanting to be with anyone else⊠but you.
He didn't mean to latch onto you so tight, but perhaps he had grown so dependent on you all this time. You had never given him reason to doubt how much you caredâgod, why had he been so stupid?
Younghoon watched Hyunjae's inner conflict through the windows to his soul, glowing with the cerulean blue of the chemically altered pool water. "Hyunjae, do you love her?"
Of course he loved you. That was out of the question. But this was a different type of love that Younghoon was referring to, and it called for something much larger in the grand scheme of things.
That kind of loveâwhat a frightening prospect, he thought. But didn't you make everything so much less frightening?
EPISODE ELEVEN: PLACES, EVERYONE!
"YOU stole my boyfriend, by the way." Hyunjae huffed as he set down the last two grocery bags he had helped bring up to the apartment from Juyeon's car.
JC!Yn barely batted an eyelash at him as she swept past to organize the utensils and cups set out on the breakfast table. âYou snooze, you lose, Lee,â she teased with a sing-song tone.
From the front door, Sangyeon bumbled in with a clean, crisp white box, as he whistled a happy tune under his breath. JC!Yn greeted him at the entryway, thanking him profusely for picking up the cake, then taking the box from him so she could transfer it to the fridge for safe keeping.
âChanhee says that heâs bringing his best friend, so he wants everyone toâI quoteâânot be embarrassingâ,â Changmin snorted and giggled loudly from the couch where he relayed the information from his texts with Chanhee.
âThatâll be difficult for you,â CM!Yn quipped back so fast that Hyunjae couldnât even suppress the high-pitched laugh he let out. Not that he wanted to suppress it; he had to admit that Changminâs girlfriend was just as much a menace as her boyfriend was.
As Changminâs jaw dropped and he pounced on top of her to tickle her into submission, Hyunjae averted his gaze elsewhere. He pulled his phone out, leaning against the granite kitchen countertop while he read Younghoonâs latest text notifications.
bread face: weâll be there soon
bread face: i think i saw kevin and jacob a few cars behind us at the intersection, so iâm making haknyeon step on it
hyunjaeâs phone: lol i was gonna chastise u about texting and driving hoon
bread face: tch pls, iâm better than that đ
bread face: i would at least make yh!yn do my texts for me đ€Ș
Hyunjae glanced up just in time to see JC!Ynâs front door open to reveal Chanhee and Eric, along with their plus ones. He tongued the inside of his cheek, thinking offhandedly at the fact that so many of his friends had found people to be with. It felt like they were all growing up far too fast; even as a fourth-year in university, it was unimaginable. Where would they all be in ten years? Where would he be?
He hoped, at the very least, that he might see you in his futureâone way or another. As long as he could pull his shit together and finally talk to you.
hyunjaeâs phone: almost everyoneâs here btw r u guys close??
bread face: yeah, pulling up one block over so they donât see hakâs car
bread face: hey, do yk if ynâs coming today?
Hyunjaeâs thumbs hovered over the keyboard, then he typed in the clear answer: no, not a clue. I have a feeling she wonât be here though.
He tucked his phone away, looking over to see that JC!Ynâs roommate, Kei, had just stepped out of her room with a finished âHappy Birthday, Jacobâ banner. âHey, you need help with that?â
â â¶
The party was well under way, and suffice to say, the surprise party had been an entire success. Because Jacob was definitely not a fan of being jumpscared, it was good foresight that everyone was just in sight when he and Kevin opened the door. He had no clue that his partner had organized this for everyone and that everyone else was in on it. (Even Eric was able to keep the secret in the wraps, no doubt with the help of his significant other.) Almost all of his friends had brought along a plus-one, minus the singletons (himself, Juyeon, Kevin, and Sangyeonâthough, that was still debatable) and Haknyeon and Sunwoo whoâs significant others werenât too close with the group just yet. It was a marvel that Younghoonâs girlfriend decided to come, too, but she said she would probably leave early anyway.
âYouâre so sad-looking,â said Juyeon as he hopped onto the island counter next to Hyunjae. The two of them could scope out the whole apartment from this vantage point; the mood seemed to be at an all-time high, despite it being an incredibly stressful week for everyone.
Hyunjae made an indignant noise and he lifted his plastic cup of soda to his lips. âPfft. Iâm not sad-looking.â
Juyeon gave a meager shrug. âEvery time you see someone and their partner, you look like your puppy just got taken.â
âThatâsââ he stammered in protest, ââthatâs not true. IâI just keep thinking about my arch capstone, thatâs all! School is ruining my life.â The lie was so stark that even Hyunje winced to himself.
âAh, well, I can relate to that,â his friend sighed. The two gazed out at the party, their ears perking up when they heard Sangyeon say something about him and Jacob needing to step outside for Jacobâs birthday giftâwhatever that meant. Hyunjae and Juyeon exchanged strange looks with one another, before bursting into laughter.
Not even a few minutes had passed before Jacob and Sangyeon walked back into the apartment with everyoneâs curiosity piqued. Jacob had on the best poker face that he could muster, his lips pressed together but a muscle in the corner of his mouth twitching upward like he was either trying not to laugh or smile.
âWell?â Kevin was the first to voice. He, along with everyone else over at the couch, leaned over the back of the furniture, their eyes wide like dogs waiting for a treat. Hyunjae and Juyeon probably looked similar from their perches.
âHe asked for proof of my girlfriend,â Sangyeon said as he closed the front door behind him.
Hyunjae snorted, catching a slight glare from the eldest in the room. For however long, their friend group had an ongoing inside joke that Sangyeon pretended to have a âsecret girlfriend.â It was only because Sangyeon had never once provided concrete proof, and maybe it was because he purposefully withheld it, but Hyunjae simply couldnât understand why. Thus, the hilarious teasing of their eldest friend. Nonetheless, Hyunjae and everyone else remained curious as to the truth.
âWell then?â Juyeon pressed, âWhatâs the verdict, Cobie?â
The smile on his face really couldnât be suppressed anymore, and it looked so close to a smirk. Jacob grinned, strolling over to the couch to resume his place between his best friend and girlfriend. âNo comment.â
The room erupted into a loud groan from seemingly everyone. âWhat kind of answerââ
Even Sangyeon looked frustrated and his eyebrows furrowed together, paired with a slight parting of his lips. âBirthday Boy has so much audacity today. Dude, I literally showed youââ
At the sound of the doorbell tone, everyone paused. Hyunjae hopped off the counter, chirping, âIâll get it!â
No one was opposed to Hyunjae opening the door as everyone else engaged in a battle of wits commenting on Jacob's refusal to confirm nor deny the existence of a future Mrs. Lee Sangyeon. Hyunjae reached the front door and peered through the peephole curiouslyâthen stiffened.
You stood on the other side, your hands fidgety as you played around with the little gift bag in your hands, no doubt for Jacob.
He could hardly believe his eyesâyou actually came.
He opened the door without much else left to do. Your gazes clashed in the front threshold of JC!Yn's apartment, your breaths leaving your lungs at the sight of the other. Hyunjae swallowed; he hated this tension, hated the way he couldn't just wind his arms around you as easily as he had done before. The palpitations of his heart were teetering on dangerous territory, and he chalked it up to the fact that he was nervous he might be making you uncomfortable.
"Hey, come in," he murmured low but soft, stepping aside to give you space. He barely registered the background noise at this point.
"Thanks," you said back, your voice barely audible. You stepped out of your shoes and nudged them toward the massive pile by the shoe rack, like an ocean of footwear wherein one must play a matching game in order to leave. You coughed, "Uhm, is there a place where I can put this?" You lifted your gift bag half-heartedly.
"Oh, I can put itâ" he automatically reached out for it, and when his fingers grazed against yours, the two of you jolted, "âaway," he stammered. You let go of it so he could quickly grab hold and make his very awkward escape.
He dipped into JC!Yn's room where all the presents were being stashed, allowing himself to soak in a bit of quiet, even if he could still hear the muffled party just outside the room. That had to be the worst thing ever. Why was he so jumpy around you? It couldn't be that you professed your being in love with him, right? He wished it wasn't like this.
He needed to talk to you, damn it, he needed to fix thisâ
But when he emerged from the room and into the main living space, he saw you chatting with YH!Yn and Kevin and Changmin. He watched you smile at them and laugh and look way less awkward than you'd been with him just a minute ago. He remembered what this week was, what Friday was.
Opening night: the culmination of months' worth of blood, sweat, and tears.
He'd been there for you since the beginning of it. He couldn't see you fail, and this was the first time he'd seen you not stressed. He didn't have the heart to ruin that for you right now.
So instead of marching up to you and requesting an audience, he made his way over to a few of his other friends to join whatever conversation they were having. He would fix things when you didn't have five thousand other things to worry about. Today wasn't about him, after all.
EPISODE TWELVE: CALL TIME, BABY!
TONIGHT was the night. You thought you were going to throw up, to be honest, and you gently sipped on an iced caramel macchiato to keep your energy up. Perhaps the caffeine was making you just a little jittery, but it was probably the nervesâ
"Yn!"
"Yeah, what's up?" You exclaimed, stopping in your tracks and just barely dodging the pair of stagehands hustling a backdrop past you.
Jihoon gestured wide with his arms. "Where are you going? Preshow's in seven minutes."
Oh, right. Your eyes widened in incredulity at your absentmindedness and practically jogged over to Jihoon and the other end of the corridor that led back toward backstage, instead of wherever the fuck you were off to⊠"Sorry," you muttered, waving vaguely to your head, "dunno what's up with me right now. Is everyone ready? Everything in place?"
He nodded, his eyes leaving you for a second while someone said something to him in his headset. "Ugh, shit. We can't find SW!Ynâever since she got that boyfriend of hersâ"
Your hands flapped between the two of you as you nodded your head vigorouslyâyeah, it was definitely the caffeine. "She's probably in the sound booth with Chan and the others. She's not that boy crazy."
Jihoon made an unconvinced expression, but bid you farewell nonetheless. He probably knew more than you did, but that was expected since you weren't exactly a long-term staff member working backstage. Jihoon ran a tight ship; there was no way anyone would risk a Jihoon stare by saying hi to their significant other.
You held your head in your hand and set your drink down on one of the stools by the edge of the room so it wouldn't get knocked over. Tonight was Opening Nightâthe night. Tonight, there was a full house, including your friends and family, everyone at school, and about a dozen or so industry experts. The latter weren't just here for you, but for your acting peers, as well. This was a critical night for everyone. It absolutely had to go right.
You shifted the headset on top of your head and made your way back down the corridor. You were far too antsy to just stay in one spot.
"âcan one of you go check Jess's hair and makeupâno, don't just rip it, hon, that's not how it works!" You recognized that anguished cry anywhere, and you peered into the dressing room Hongjoong and a swarm of other busy people were.
"What's going on?" You asked.
Hongjoong's head whipped around so fast you were surprised he didn't get whiplash. "Yn, thank God! You know how to braid?"
"Jess still needs hair and makeup?"
"Yes, one of my people had to call out sickâthanks Yn-ie!" You were already on your way to find where Jess was before he had finished his sentence. You'd hardly even processed the fact that one of the costume staff had to call out sickâthat wasn't your main concern right nowâyou literally had less than five minutes to locate Jess and yeet yourself backstage.
The sound in your headset sparked to life. "Sound to Yn, Yn to sound. Can you hear me?" Bang Chan's voice echoed into your ears.
You narrowly got beheaded by a portion of the wedding arch coming down the hallway. "Loud and clear; fuck, it's a mess back here, Chan." God, your head hurt and the play hadn't even begun yet.
"Hey, man. Take a little breath, okay? Yeah, there you go."
You sucked in a very large breath of air. The adrenaline was pumping through your veins and your hands suddenly felt very cold. "Hyunjae usually helped me through opening nights," you exhaled, your head swerving left and right as you checked each room for Jess's presence. "Where is she?"
"I know, Yn," he said gently. "You can do this though. I know you can. You've been waiting for this for four yearsâhell, even longer than that."
Your head bobbed up and down as if he could see youâoh shit, was that her you just saw?
"He's probably sitting in one of those velvet seats, absolutely pumped for you."
"Even though I completely fucked up our friendship?" You choked out, flagging Jess down. The poor girl looked frantic as she was trying to finish her stage makeup while also braiding her hair. There was no way she could do both, but you admired the attempt. You began to help her out with her hair as she used her phone as a mirror.
"I don't know what happened, Yn, but he loves you too much to not be here tonight."
It was suddenly very difficult to swallow.
"Preshow in two. Are you ready for this, Director Ln?"
You finished the braid, snapping the elastic with a crisp thwip. Tapping Jess to let her know she was good to go, you made an immediate reverse maneuver to backstage. You took a deep breath in once moreâheld itâ
Get your head in the game. Chan was rightâyou'd been waiting for this for far too long, worked far too hard. You needed to put faith in your abilities and your peers. "Let's do this."
When you returned to the main backstage portion, you found techies ready to go, as well as your main cast. You caught Younghoon's eyes, silently asking for him to round up Eunwoo while you got Sana and Miyeon. Quickly, the five of you met in the middle.
"Everyone feeling okay?" You asked them, making eye contact with each and every one of them.
There was a buzz about the air, both nervous and excited. You could feel it in the way your hands shook, but you reminded yourself this was what you lived for. Someone, probably Chan, gave you the one minute warning.
"We're gonna do great out there," Younghoon affirmed.
"And when in doubt," Miyeon chimed in, "just improvise."
A small chuckle rang out, and you could hear the countdown in your ear. You had to go out on stage and greet everyone.
"Okay, I got my cue," you said to them. "Break a leg, everyone. Chins up, alright?"
"You too, Yn," Younghoon said to you with a pointed look.
A smile graced your face then, and something settled within your chestâfinallyâsomething like a calm. "I will."
â â¶
The only reason why Hyunjae knew how expensive flowers were was because he was well-versed in the nature of presenting you with them after each production you'd completed, whether that be through theater or film. It was all standard practice, and he couldn't believe Sunwoo had the audacity to argue with him and his girlfriend about when to send flowers backstage.
Flowers were to be withheld from reaching the actor, staff, or director until the end of the performance. It was just one of those other superstitious things.
So here he was, sitting shoulder to shoulder between Juyeon and a stranger, with a lap full of vibrant blooms in what he thought were the best seats in the house: the lower balcony seats. They were probably his favorite place to get a proper view of the stage while also not being as high as the top balcony and seeing the top of actors' heads. Maybe it was the child in him that liked anything concerning the balcony.
The play had been going strong for the entire run time. You had come out on stage at the very beginning to welcome everyone and thank them for coming tonight. All the relevant information about the play could be found in the playbills that were handed out at the door, and he had instinctively flipped through each page until he could confirm your name and Younghoon's were there. That had definitely brought a smile to his face.
But even now, as the play was coming to an end and the main characters ended up happy together, Hyunjae still couldn't get the smile off his face.
At curtain call, all the actors lined up on stage to take their bows. When you came out to gesture to your acting peers and take your own bow, everyone in Hyunjae's row, especially himself, stood to give you the standing ovation you deserved. Hyunjae's eyes watered as he whooped and cheered and whistled as loud as he could since the flowers made it difficult to clap.
As he and everyone else sat back into their seats, he had to sneak a hand up to delicately wipe his right eye.
"That's my best friend," he said to no one in particular, his laugh watery but proud.
The woman next to him heard him, though. "She's incredible."
Hyunjae smiled at her, then turned his head toward the stage again where you were corralling the main cast in a massive hug onstage. "I know; she's amazing." I love her.
â â¶
The entire performing arts hall was in a state of utter pandemonium. Both the auditorium and the backstage areas were swarmed with people trying to get out of the building, trying to find their friends, and a butt load of other things. You and all the cast members began helping backstage crew take everything down and lock them up; after all, they would need to be preserved for the next two performances of the show that would carry on through the first couple of weeks of summer. Opening Night was only the "presentation" of your thesis.
Tomorrow was Commencement Dayâthere were a great handful of you graduating literally tomorrow, including yourself, and so you'd all resolved to go home and save the celebration for another night.
As you wandered through the corridors and dressing rooms, you were sure to congratulate everyone for their hard work tonight. Your cheeks ached from smiling, pride singing through your blood, as well as the lingering adrenaline. But you couldn't deny that you were relieved that the night had gone, and gone well.
Friends and family members of the cast and crew began trickling into the backstage area, so the space to roam lessened considerably.
Unbeknownst to you, Hyunjae had rushed back here faster than his friends could stop him, antsy to finally congratulate you and let you know how proud he was and how great the play was. He craned his head over the sea of people, half his bouquet no doubt squished, but he was still determined.
Thereâhe spotted the blazer you wore on stageâbut you were all the way at the end of the corridor. There was no easy way through the people, and who knew if you would leave before he could get to you.
"Yn!" He hollered over all the noise.
Like clockwork, your head whipped around from the stagehand you were speaking animatedly with in search of who had called your name. You locked gazes with him, and there was a softening in your features.
(In a crowded room, all I'd see is yâ)
His heart leapt and his legs jump-started into high gear, murmuring out sorries as he maneuvered his way toward you. There were tears pricking at his vision; he never cried for anything or anyone, but you'd been the only one to draw such emotion from him. You were the only one who deserved that emotion.
"Jae, you're here," you breathed out, but then somebody tapped your shoulder and nodded in the direction from which you came.
He saw the concern on your face, the sense of responsibility, and yet the reluctance, as well. "Call me when you're done," he said. He mustered a smile, pushing the flowers into your dumbfounded hands. "Promise to call me."
You managed to nod. "Yeah," you swallowed, "thanks for coming tonight."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world."
EPISODE THIRTEEN: ALL THE WORLD'S OUR STAGE
A couple of hours later, you'd managed to express your gratitude to nearly everyone and their mother for their work and help, as well as convince Jihyo to answer any calls that came in regarding the play tonight. It was a big ask and you had been reluctant to ask that of her, but you also knew you needed to talk to Hyunjae.
You made your way out the back door of the performing arts hall and into the warm, early Summer night. There werenât too many people still around since the only handful of people left in the performing arts center were all older staff members and faculty. You spotted Hyunjae leaning against the wall by the staircase, his gaze lifting from his phone when he sensed you coming toward him. A small smile curled onto his lips, and you realized how much you missed the sight of it.
âHey, sorry you had to wait for a while,â you said as you approached.
He tucked his hands into his pockets. âNo, donât worry about it. The play wasâit was incredible, Yn. Iâm really proud of you.â
Those words struck you even harder than you imagined him saying he loved you back would have. It meant a lot coming from other people, but it meant the most coming from him. âThanks,â you rasped, the emotion shining through your voice, and you had to consciously reign yourself in. âIâm really sorry for what happened. I shouldnât have pushed you away like that, and I know that my confession was kind of unexpected.â
âYou shouldnât have to apologize for that, Yn,â he said gently, his teeth biting down on his lower lip slightly. âIâm the sorry one. I mean, it was so stupid that I even entertained the idea of Ellie being remotely correct. It was a breach of trust and I crossed a boundary that I shouldnât have. For that, Iâm so sorry.â
You motioned to the path leading down the stairs and toward a path even you knew not where it would lead the two of you tonight. Hyunjae heard your silent suggestion, and the two of you began descending the stairs together, side by side. âMaybe I thought I wasnât ready at that moment,â you confessed, âbut maybe it was what needed to be said, you know?â
When you glanced over at him, you found that he was already looking back at you, clinging onto every word that came out of your mouth.
Your heart rate was still rocketing into the atmosphere right now, but you knew that it wasnât from the play. âI think that I needed to say thatâno matter if I was âreadyâ or not. I donât think I would have ever been ready, butâŠâ Your foot hit the bottom step of the stairs, and you turned on the ball of your feet to face him, guiding the two of you down the path and away from your normal direction toward the bus station. âBefore you say anything, just hear me out, okay?â
Hyunjae gave a nod, and your heart stuttered in your chest as you forged onward. âYou donât have to affirm my feelings if you donât feel the same way,â you said, returning to your normal position at his side, âI think that was why Iâve been so afraid of telling you all this timeâthat you wouldnât feel the same. That, and the fact that I was scared that telling you would absolutely wreck our friendship like it did these past few weeks.â
From beside you, Hyunjae managed to keep quiet, but his voice was also jammed inside his throat. It was filled up with all the things heâd wanted to say to you first, all the things that he wanted to say in response to what you were telling him now.
âEllie confronted me the week after our fallout.â Hyunjae stiffenedâhad she done anything to you? âShe told me that she was the one behind all the âpranksâ or whatever throughout the play rehearsals.â
âYn, those werenât pranks,â Hyunjae couldnât help but cut in, âit was plain sabotage.â
Sabotage. Youâd come to fear labeling her actions with that word, simply because you didnât want to believe that that was her true intention. You struggled to swallow, stopping in the middle of the walkway. The two of you faced each other then, his eyebrows pressed together in shock and anger and every emotion in between. âShe told me she did it to get back at me.â
âFor what?â
âI abandoned her,â you told him. That emotion on his face shuddered like ripples in a pool of water. âItâs neither of your faults either, but I guess what I thought was drifting away from her and becoming closer to you, she saw in a more malicious light. And she said that sheâd been sick of living in my shadow despite not even being in my life, and Iâve just been thinking about that for a while.â You said youâd be there for her, that sheâd always be enough for you⊠how ironic that youâd been the one to drift away.
Hyunjae peered at you, a mess of things going through his head. You couldnât imagine what he was thinking about right now, but you knew he was never the best at expressing his emotions and vulnerabilities.
It was okay, though. He didnât have to say anything. âIn that moment, I cut off all ties with her,â you clarified, âwhen she told me it was all her doing. Now, I just feel a little sad; I wished she wouldâve just said hi to me.â
Hyunjae wet his lips, grasping your shoulders to get your attention. âYou know you didnât deserve any of that, right? All that shit she gave you? I mean, she pretty much terrorized you, Yn, and Iâm so sorry you had to go through that.â
You wonderedâno, you knewâhe was probably beating himself up inside for the argument the two of you had, too. The combined force of all of those tough conversations, as well as the pressure from the play⊠âIâm okay, Jae,â you reassured him. This time, you even believed what you said. âIâm shaken, no doubt, but itâs something that will pass with time.â
In this lighting, he was beautiful, ethereal. The amber streetlight casted a heavenly glow upon him, and made his eyes glimmer like the moon off a still body of water. Youâd written something like that description somewhere in the original script, and you realized just how intimately youâd projected your reality into the lines of that production. Perhaps one day, youâd have the strength to point them all out to him.
A thought suddenly occurred to you in the silence, and your eyes widened to the size of saucers. âOh my god.â
âWhat? Whatâs wrongââ
âI never got to see your finalized capstone project!â You gasped, your hands flying to your mouth in scandal. âShit, the showcase for it was yesterday, wasnât it? Oh shit, Iâm awfulââ For as supportive as Hyunjae had been with your final project, you had neglected to even think about his thesis these last weeks. Guilt coursed through your body in waves and you wanted to screechâ
âHey, honey,â he chuckled good-naturedly, âitâs okay. You were busy; donât sweat it.â He bit his lip again, but it did nothing to suppress the shit-eating grin on his face. âWanna go see it now? Iâm sure they havenât cleaned everything up yet.â
Your heart skipped for a new reason now. âYouâre gonna break into the architecture building?â You laughed.
âItâs not breaking and entering if you have access,â he said in a âduhâ tone, waving around his student ID.
As the two of you made a swift reverse back up the stairs from which youâd come from, you gaped at his ID card in disbelief. âI canât believe they gave you clearance.â
He wrinkled his nose at you. âWhy wouldnât they grant their top student clearance on his last week?â He sniffed jokingly.
The pairing of dialogue and execution made a giggle sputter out of you, the sound making Hyunjaeâs chest feel warm and fuzzy. He hated the tension that had wrapped itself around the bones of his ribcage, but those vines were slowly loosening and blooming into something familiar, and yet new.
The trek to the architecture building was well-worn by both you and him. You hadnât been by the architecture building in awhile because of your busy schedule, but you used to always pop by to either walk him to lecture or to come visit him while he was working. The building was built in a Greco-Roman style with columns and arches, and beautifully carved marble murals and statues around the perimeter of the roof. You knew that the building style in particular was never Hyunjaeâs taste, but you remembered when the two of you had toured the school in your senior year of high school, he had been awestruck nonetheless.
Just as he had said it would, his ID card slid against the panel outside the front doors to the architecture building and came up green.
The two of you, feeling just like you were kids again, giggled as you crept into the darkness of the foyer. Hyunjae grabbed your hand without thinking and dragged you down the right hallway toward one of the larger conference-style classrooms on the ground floor. He didnât bother turning on any lights in case security came by and saw, but there was a conveniently-placed streetlight right outside the window anyway.
âThereâs my masterpiece,â he said quietly, a sort of jitteriness coming through his voice.
You let go of his hand so you could inspect the model he constructed. The feature piece seemed to be the massive clear dome on the top, as well as the smaller, surrounding establishments. âItâs amazing, Jae. This is so cool.â
He almost looked shy as he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest and watched you. âAh, thanks. Itâs, uh, a proposed model for a new performing arts department.â
Your head turned to him then. âNo way.â
âYes way,â he smiled. âI donât know if itâll get taken up by the board or not, but I gave them my whole spiel yesterday.â
âYouâre gonna give me the spiel, too, right?â
Hyunjae made a face, feigning reluctance, but you were already dragging one of the chairs over so you could sit for his little presentation. âI mean, I guess I remember enough to do it again.â He took up his rightful place right next to his model, in front you, and cleared his throat to give you his speech.
The speech went wonderfully; you cheered as quietly loud as you possibly could. Your face was split by a bright smile that you were sure was enough to power the lights in this building if you really wanted to. If the board didnât take up Hyunjaeâs proposed new model after that, then you were about to send a strongly worded letter to the dean.
Hyunjae took on a boyish sort of smile after the moment had come and gone. âHey, you wanna see something cool?â
âCooler than this?â
âPfft,â he dismissed nonchalantly, âyou flatter me. But yeah, actually. Come onâitâs on the second floor.â
You quickly shoved your chair back into place and followed Hyunjae as he practically ran out of the room and up the stairs to the second floor. He had far too much energy for it being around ten oâclock at night, but when you saw the absolute glow on his face when he took you from project to project, gushing and nerding out about all the clever designs, you didnât have the energy to even question his energy. There was something utterly contagious about hearing him talk about his major with such passion; you were so glad he had found a home in this field.
When the two of you finally let yourselves out of the architecture building, it was probably around an hour later. Your body ached with exhaustion, but your brain was abuzz with activity. You had missed this, missed him so much. For the first time in a very long time, you had never felt this carefree before.
âCan you believe weâre actually graduating tomorrow?â You asked him as the two of you walked toward the direction of the street your town house was on.
Hyunjae snorted. âNo, not at all,â he said with a shake of his head. âWell, Iâm actually so glad that Iâm finally getting out of here, but itâs kind of scary, too.â
You gave a nod, then tilted your head back to breathe in the comfortable, night air. There were stars up in the sky tonight. âYeah, I get that. Like, where will we all be, yâknow?â
âRight.â
âBut I think that the unknown in general will always be scary,â you added. âIn the end, weâll always know that everything will turn out okay.â
âAnd if itâs not okay, then it isnât the end yet,â Hyunjae replied with a pointed look.
âExactly.â You had a few options lined up for you after graduation, but youâd told yourself beforehand that you would deal with all of that after commencement day. After months and years of working nonstop, you deserved a little rest before fully stepping into the adult world. Wow, what a scary thought, indeed. "I'm proud of you, Hyunjae."
He had to stop himself from breaking down right there. "I'm proud of you, too, Yn."
The walk home was quiet, but it was as if a layer of film had been laid over just you and Hyunjae. The white noise of the night became somewhat calming for you, and you felt yourself sinking into a state of serenity. You had confessed your love for him alreadyâhe finally knew how you feltâbut funny enough, that was freeing.
That had been your biggest secret, and finally being able to lift that burden from your chest was⊠it was good. Everything was good now.
Hyunjae softly said, "I know that you probably have so much to do after graduation tomorrow, but we've always wanted to go on a road trip cross-country."
When you looked up over at him, he could read the excitement glittering in your irises. "You're right! Man, that conversation was so long ago. I mean⊠I won't be so busy after graduation, not immediately. I want time to enjoy freedom with you," you laughed, lightly punching his shoulder.
He chuckled, your words soaking into his skin like sunlight on the first warm day after a harsh winter season. "I think it'd be nice, just the two of us." He couldn't wait.
There was an earnestness in the way you looked at him then. His thoughts had been all over the place before, but now, they were beginning to clear. "I think that'd be nice, too."
Your townhouse was now in sight, and a distinct feeling of anxiety rose in his throat. It was bitter-tasting, the way he dreaded leaving you for the night even if he would most definitely see you again tomorrow. He didn't know why inviting himself in like he usually did was so difficult now, but suddenly, you were both standing in the middle of the entryway and you were getting your keys from your bag.
It was late; he shouldn't keep you up. You'd had a long day.
"âyou tomorrow then. Thanks for tonight, Jae."
He wrapped his arms around you just as you hugged him, his face pressed against the crown of your head and yours pressed into his shoulder. He didn't want to let go, but it was lateâ
"Good night," he said, nearly inaudibly.
"'Night," you said, going into the house and closing the door.
Maybe it was the physical, literal visual of you closing the door on him, but the epiphany hit him like a bus.
EPISODE FOURTEEN: AAAND THAT'S A WRAP!
YOU were about five steps from dropping to the floor and sleeping for about five years. Of course, you could not do that because you literally had to wake up to graduate tomorrow, but right this moment, you were so excited to just face plant into your pillow.
Tap!
The first time, you hadn't even heard the tiny noise as you shuffled into your attic bedroom and set your bag on the floor at the foot of your bed.
TAP!
Actually, you hadn't even heard it the second timeâ
BONK!
"What theâŠ" Your head whirled around toward the window. You could have sworn you heard something hit the window pane. Cautiously, you walked up to the glass and peered out into the darkened street. It was a little difficult to see given the contrast between the light of your bedroom, the dark of night, and the fogging acrylic paneâ
You nearly screeched as a small pebbled hit the window, right where your face would have been. What the fuckâ?
Immediately, the hairs on the back of your neck stood up. Could this have been Ellie trying to spook you again? No way, right? Plus, wasn't Hyunjae just walking by?...
Oh, wait.
With a huff of indignation, you wrestled with the latch on the window pane just as another tiny rock came flying at the glass. "Hold your horses," you muttered, finally managing to haul the dusty window up. You only ever really opened this window during the warmer months, and so you hadn't used it since probably late fall quarter.
You stuck your head out the window, and surprise surprise, Hyunjae was tossing another piece of ammo up and down in his palm, down at street level. "What is wrong with you?" You stage whispered.
His mouth curved into a frown, head tilting, eyebrows furrowing. "What?"
"What," you repeated firmer this time, "is wrong with you?"
"I needed to get your attention," he shrugged.
"You couldn't just text?"
"Isn't this what Romeo did?"
Clearly, someone hadn't been paying attention when you were studying for your classes on Shakespeare in both high school and second year of college. "No," you quipped, "and Romeo was stupid."
Hyunjae sighed, reaching up to cup the back of his neck, dropping the pebble in his hand to the ground. "Okay, so maybe I'm not some Romeoâ" You weren't quite sure where he was going with this.
He started walking around, pacing the sidewalk in front of your townhouse since he couldn't stand directly below the window (your roommate would kill him if he killed her azaleas). For a moment, you were ready to go down there yourself and shake the words from him, but it seemed he was able to snap himself into focus.
"I just⊠it's taken me a long timeâgod, it always takes me a long time to come up with the words for this type of stuff," he stumbled over his words, and you felt yourself grow increasingly tender. He was never good at wearing his heart on his sleeve. "And my friends have been saying it this whole timeâhell, I've probably been aware of it unconsciously this whole time, too! But you know how I am. I'm too damn stubborn to cave, even to myself."
You let him continue on without breaking his monologue. Though you couldn't be too sure what this was, your heart still galloped in hope.
"Yn, I'mâ" he said, head tilting back to meet your eyes so you could see those beautiful irises of his, "âI'm in love with you, too."
This was really happening, huh? Your fingers curled around the window sill and you opened your mouth in an effort to say something, but then you closed it. The words and the thoughts were there, but it was so foggy in your mind that you couldn't even string the words together yourself either.
You watched the hope, the light, gradually fade from his expression, even if he wasn't actively trying to show it. "Please tell me to go home if you're not gonna say anything," he said to you next. "I know you're tired, but god, I just stood here and realized I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didn't tell you. I know it's selfish, butâŠ" He lifted his hands in sort of a helpless gesture, his hands then falling limp at his sides.
Finally, you found your voice. You cleared your throat, then asked quietly, albeit a tad nervously, "Thisâthis isn't just because you feel bad about what I said about not reciprocating, right? I mean, higher levels of excitement and arousal can be misattributed to feelings sometimesâ"
Hyunjae shook his head. "Dear god, no. I've just been⊠I've just been really stupid, so, uhm, maybe I am like Romeo?"
You fought the smile on your face, but it seemed you lost the battle. "Silly goose," you teased, laughing as you shook your head. "You ain't no Romeo, Lee Jaehyun, but I've never wanted anyone but you anyway."
He broke into a laugh at that, the sound echoing in the streets, and it sounded like, if one could bottle up pure delight and release it to the world. "You're so much better at this than me."
"Clearly."
"Well," he bit his lip, his smile impish, "can I kiss you to make up for it?"
Oh, there went your heartâthere it went, carrying you down the stairs and out the doorâyou would have leapt out the window if you were physically able (you weren't). Your heart carried you all the way outside again until you arrived in your best friend's arms, his face, his smile illuminated in the soft glow of the streetlight.
And he held you so tight, you couldn't tell if that beating at your chest was his heart or yours. The two of you wasted no time in pressing your mouths to the other, tasting the other's smile in one more way than you'd ever done before.
It felt, at that moment, that this might have marked act three of one part of your lifeâbut act one of the next was just beginning.
Perhaps it was true then: when it counted, you always went back to your first love.
a/n: heyy thank you for reading thru!! i hope u enjoyed and if u did, pls do consider commenting, reblogging, or sending an ask :] we do love a bit of humility in the end ayo :3 the original plan is to go for sunwoo's next o7
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so i never got around to reading this but i still want to one day.
ça traine alors ça dégage ??? le tbz x skz pour mon lore j'y pense
â„between two breaths (m) | đđ
đđ«đąđ đ đđ«
âł Returning, you anticipate the worst.
And somehow, what awaits you is far beyond anything you could have comprehended.
kim sunwoo x fem!reader (side lee juyeon x reader) â idol!sunwoo, fan/trainee!reader. forced proximity, forbidden love, friends to lovers, angst, slow burn, idolverse-typical themes regarding; dating, image, public perception, etc. happy ending, plot-heavy!! reader thinks she's nonchalant about it but she rly isn't. smut. [8,1k wc COMPLETE] cws: heavy themes of wanting-but-can't-having, mild jealousy, explicit sexual content, a little alcohol consumption, dancing on the edge of career suicide, poor decision making because of The Wanting.
â„ masterlist | ao3
"You feel guilty because your inaction led to this, and now we've seen where that got you. SoâŠ" A light shove follows, and you stumble back towards whatever future is held for you. "Go make a damn decision for once. Make a choice. We'll be here waiting for you once you do."
The car coming to a slow stop is the thing that brings you back to consciousness. You hadn't been attempting to fall asleep for the ride, but a good night's rest is something that you have been sorely lacking as of late, and the exhaustion embedded in your weary bones seems to have caught up with you.
Groggy and a little disoriented, it takes you a bit longer than it would usually to understand where you are and why it is that your head is perched on Sunwoo's shoulder.
Darkness still hangs in the early morning sky, but the handful of lights that illuminate the complex of your dorm shine in through the windows insistently, unwilling to relent in their mission to displease.
Sunwoo's hand comes up and gentle fingers press pieces of hair that have fallen thoughtlessly around your forehead.
"Time to go," he says, his voice only barely above a whisper. You believe you catch a hint of raspiness to the sound that alludes to his only having just woken up, too, and make it a point to file it away as a memory. Unsure of what is soon to come. "The endless demands of work for me, and probably a lot of conversations waiting in there for you."
"Yeah."
Your efforts to grab your belongings are sloppy, but you manage to make it happen in some time. Sunwoo watches you with a small, adoring smile as if everything you could ever do is unimaginably pleasing for him to behold. The sort of look that reminds you that in spite of everything and even now; you hold his entire world.
But regardless of that fact, there is worse that awaits you. What stands inside of that small apartment is not the thing that fans the flame of fear deep inside of your chest, but it is the anticipation of so much more that resides beyond it.
As lovely as it would be to pretend that none of it exists, that this moment can go on forever and no acknowledgement of anything else needs to be made; you can't. It drapes down around both of you like a heavy, noxious cloud. Destructive, if ignored.
Turning to look at Sunwoo, you force the best smile that you can manage and say, "I don't really know how today is going to go. I don't know if I'll be able to message you. I just don't know what awaits us from here."
His smile grows wider, and it would seem unfitting for the topic at hand if worn by anyone other than him. "I know, don't worry about it. You're probably going to have to sit through some really shitty meetings with people whose only interest in all of this is revenue loss. That's just how all of this goes, but you know that already." Sunwoo pauses for a moment and shrugs before continuing on to say, "We'll probably have to lay low for a while if it's what appeases the Idol Management Gods, but it'll be worth it in the end. Everything is going to be fine, I promise."
"A part of me still wonders if they're going to try to push for my withdrawalâŠ"
Sunwoo snorts a laugh at that. "No chance, I'm telling you. So you banged a colleague, so what? It's not like you killed a guy." He takes another short pause, evidently thinking to himself and then says, "Well, I guess you banged two, but still."
"SunwooâŠ"
"Joking." Swaying lightly into you, Sunwoo bumps your shoulder with his own and takes the opportunity for closeness to press a kiss to the top of your head. "Seriously though, I really don't think you have to worry about that. I'm sure they have something unreasonably devilish up their sleeves, sure, but not that."
Slowly closing your eyes, you allow yourself some time to let the words wash over you in hopes that they will meet their mark of intention. To placate your anxiousness, to not step out of this car feeling as though your entire world is soon to crumble down around you.
Though you may not want to admit it to yourself in many cases, Sunwoo has a shockingly high accuracy rate as far as being correct is concerned. The tables have turned, indeed.
"Okay," you say, relenting to his insistence of the fact. "I'm going then, and I'll try to update you once the worst of it is over."
"Hey."
Your eyes have since fallen away from him, bag lazily slung over your shoulder and already moving to make your way from the backseat of the vehicle. The unexpected word gives you pause, however, and as you turn back to find him, he smiles at you all over again.
"I love you," Sunwoo says.
And without so much as a second thought, you easily say it back.
There have been other times that the weight of your hand on this very same doorknob has felt similarly jarring. This time, however, trumps them all.
A part of you had not anticipated ever returning here. Sitting in a mansion in Pyeongchang-dong had, for a moment, convinced you of the fact that the rest of your life exists somewhere else. Not here, not inside of that company building, and most certainly not on a stage for the consumption of the people.
Perhaps that will still be your fate, despite Sunwoo's insistence otherwise. Now, as you stand in the blistering cold of a much too early dawn that has not yet come to find you, all you can think about is how utterly disastrous that outcome would be.
With a racing heart, you punch in the code and turn the handle; trying to stomach the anticipation of everything that awaits you throughout this day.
Upon entering, you are swiftly swept into the arms of women who adore you more than you ever could have thought. Everyone is here, and most appear to not have slept a wink despite the long hours of the night. There are more of them than there is of you to offer to them as loving hands paw at your face, hair and belongings to pull them from your weary limbs, and all you can think about is how you ever could have believed that these people would cast you out and leave you out to dry.
Glancing up from the mess of it all, your eyes catch Woori's as she remains perched up against the wall just a few footsteps away. She watches the scene with a soft, pleasant smile that you know holds just a twinge of I told you so within it. And while accepting this sort of thing is still a work in progress, for now, you're happy to relent to the obviousness of it.
"Thank goodness you're back," Nara says, a hand cupping at the side of your face as she demands your attention. "We were so worried. We didn't know what to think once Woori came home and told us you were taking a leave. Nobody could sleep, all we've been doing is sitting here, checking our phones, and hoping."
"Not saying a word to any of us is kind of crazy, I've gotta say," Miyoung adds, and for her there's a hint of displeasure in the tone. You look at her and though her face is a little tougher than the rest, it immediately melts once the two of your eyes meet. "I'm just glad you're home, and that you didn't make any wild decisions while you were gone."
"I definitely thought about it," you admit, and glancing at Woori again, you wonder how much of her visit she has divulged to them. She nods at youâa silent insistence to move forward with accepting the trust that they are so incredibly willing to offerâand finally, you decide to let them all in. You say, "I haven't been a good friend, a good member, a good sister to you; rather than run away from that fact, I think it's about time that I try to make it right."
"Woori said we might have to go to battle," Hyemi says with arms crossed over her chest in an attempt to appear tough. It doesn't work, but you appreciate her willingness to try. "To keep you in the group? Is it really that bad, what's going on?"
Crinkling your nose, you want more than anything to downplay the possibility of it. You don't know what stands between you and the stage now, and though you haven't bothered to look at your phone for hours, you know exactly what it is that is awaiting you there. Returned calls and messages are nothing you intend on doing, but once the hour of managerial employment strikesâwithout a shadow of a doubtâyou will know it.
Through the crowd, Miyoung's hand locates yours and squeezes it tight. "Is it what I think it is?"
You give an ever so slight nod to affirm it.
Moving to the living room, every member of MVNE crowds onto the floor for your retelling of the events leading up to now. Some are completely shocked by the discovery, while others seem less surprised by the admittance of what has been taking place in secret over the last year. The pieces fall together fairly obviously when given the luxury of hindsight in so many cases, but all you can offer these girls now is the promise of transparency in whatever way you can lend it.
Serri shifts uncomfortably as your story comes to a close, and it's evident in her posture that something is not sitting quite right with her. "I know dating is frowned upon, and of course, the details of your situation are especially messy butâŠ" She trails off quietly for a moment, still sifting through her words before continuing and then says, "But going to these lengths to try to spin a story isâŠ"
"Evil," Woori says, firm and determined. "There's really no other way to put it. Crafting up stories about your own idols low, too low, which is why I'll be doing everything in my power to not allow them to continue to do so past this."
"We have no power here. Sunwoo woke up one day in another country and found out photos of him were being posted up to craft a narrative that he wasn't even aware of," you say. "He didn't know, his members didn't know, and we don't know what else they may have up their sleeve once they catch wind that none of this is going according to plan."
"That's fine, if they want to play games then we can do that too." Kaia leans back with her palms splayed out against the rug, far too casual in appearance given the gravity of the conversation at hand. "We just won't go on stage. Can't have a comeback when everybody on the roster is sick."
"I don't want this to become a problem for all of you more than it already has," you say. The willingness that they all seem to share to leverage the small amount of power that they have as the talent is something that you admire deeply to your core, but the guilt of being the sole reason that all of this may fail for them beings to trickle through your skin restlessly as the one thing you wanted nothing more than to avoid. So, you shake your head and say, "Don't throw all of this away for me. I'm one piece of the puzzle, but I am far from the reason that all of this works. I got myself into this mess, and I'll deal with the consequences of it as best as I can."
"We're ten," Woori says, "and we will continue to be forever, no matter what happens."
Swallowing your anxiety, you do your best to accept the terms no matter how unlikely they may feel to you at this moment. Love cannot conquer all, and particularly not in such an ultimately cruel industry such as the one you have fought your way into. It cannot fix this, and it cannot save you; but it can soothe the bitter pill of your actions just enough to take it down as you must.
And then you feel your phone begin to vibrate.
Pulling it from your pocket, you take note of the time displayed. Only one minute past the hour, right on time as expected.
You answer it with a sigh and a hello, and though you anticipate the angry words of a man who has been pushed into a corner that he never wanted to be in, that is not what comes.
"Are you home?" your manager asks, with a voice that is steady and indecipherable in what feelings may be lurking on the other end.
"Yes, I'm here."
"I'll get you in thirty minutes. Clean up and look presentable. I'll call back when I'm outside."
The phone cuts before you have a chance to reply.
With nothing more than your phone, a fresh set of clothes and the affectionate goodbyes from your members, you once again stand at the front door of your dorm, and wonder if the next time you are here will be when you are sent to pack your things. You thank them, tell them you love them, and let them know that you'll be quick to inform them of the outcome once it is all said and done, but Woori stands beside you with the obvious intent of a final, private word to send you off with.Â
The both of you exit, and knowing that the two of you do not have much time together like this now, she looks at you sternly and waits for the front door to give its final, affirming click closed.
"Whatever happens in there, and whatever decision you end up making, I trust you to make the right one."
Unable to fight back the skeptical chuckle, you shake your head through it and say, "I'm not sure I've shown myself to be a paragon of good decision making, if I'm honest with you."
"Your problem is and always has been overthinking it all. I appreciate your dedication to this, but it's all fucking stupid, right? We dress up in costumes and dance around and sing and play pretend all day long. It's laughable, it's a farce." Woori rolls her eyes and shrugs like the veil of the industry has been pulled back in ways that realistically, she has always known about, but never had to face head-on quite like this. "You feel guilty because your inaction led to this, and now we've seen where that got you. SoâŠ"
A light shove follows, and you stumble back towards whatever future is held for you.
"Go make a damn decision for once. Make a choice. We'll be here waiting for you once you do."
The window beside you is cracked just enough to allow for the cool breeze of the Seoul morning to waft in during the drive. You idly stare out of it with nothing and everything on your mind; a dizzying, simultaneous mess of what is soon to come, as well as the things that you may be leaving behind.
Your manager does not speak to you, and for once, you sit unsure of whether or not you are pleased about that fact. This man has always been kind to you, has extended himself in ways towards you that many other idols could not be as lucky to receive, and perhaps you have slighted him by the end of this whole undertaking, too. The memory of your prior meeting with him being one of the topics you now find yourself unable to shake the remnants of; he warned you, he offered you a lifeline that many others would not, and instead of heeding it⊠Now, you are here.
His face is hardened and gruff no matter how many quick glances you take to look. He never meets your eye, but the travel distance is a short one and you cannot imagine walking into that room without some form of debriefing ahead of time. You wonder if it is too much to ask. If this man is even on your side anymore, and more than that, if you are deserving of it.
A red light catches the vehicle and it slows to a stop. Now is as good of a time as any, and you suppose that if he is harboring harsh words for you, that is something you are deserving of.
So, you inhale deeply and steady your nerves for whatever may come. Your stomach twists with nervousness, with hunger, with a loss of appetite that has held you tight since your last meal with Sunwoo many hours before. Running away from the discomfort of a situation is something you have grown far too willing to do, and it has to stop now.
"What am I about to walk into?"
In the immediate aftermath of the question, there is no answer. Seconds tick by slowly, achingly so as you await a shift in his demeanor that might suggest a response is coming. Eventually, your eye catches the firming grip of his hand on the steering wheel, and when the streetlight turns green, the car gently pushes forward.
He clears his throat first and then says, "Truthfully, I don't quite know." There's an unsteadiness to his voice that alludes to his unwillingness to give you any ounce of truth, yet he seems keen to ignore it and move forward anyway. "What I can tell you is that they're aware of what's going on, and this meeting is in reference to how to deal with that."
"Deal with it," you repeat, laughing through how ridiculous the whole thing feels. "You'd think I killed someone."
Finally, he glances towards you for a second. "There is a certain level of discretion that is expected in this industry, and I don't think I have to tell you that you have long since failed at maintaining it. That's not all on you, I recognize that, but I am your managerâŠ" He pauses, shaking his head gently, and then says, "I warned you before that if this were to become a bigger thing than it already was that it would be bad. I'm here to tell you now: It has become bad."
Leaning your head against the window, you stare silently out towards the empty road and the minimal amount of lights inside of storefronts that have begun to come to life. How simple it all must be, you think to yourself, to merely exist as the consumer, rather than for consumption.
"Sunwoo seems to believe they won't push for my removal," you say quietly, barely audible over the background noise of the moving car. "You don't sound so convinced."
"Your biggest problem is that you lack the willingness to look behind the curtain. There's a part of you that's still too new, too fresh and starry-eyed to see all of this for what it really is, and it's that very same lack of foresight that has brought us to this point."
The car creeps up on another red light, and once it comes to a halt, he finally fully turns to face you.
He says, "You're not outside of this anymore, you're not the hopeful fan looking in through the window and only seeing the things that all of this has been constructed to allow you to see. It's ugly, and it's tremendous and it's evil, and that's one thing that Sunwoo seems to understand that you do not."
Snapping your attention towards him and with fire sitting deep in your throat, your eyes narrow as you stare him down with a sort of contempt you have not before felt towards him.
"You think I don't know that? I've been jumping through hoops for the past year trying to minimize the damage of all of this; trying to avoid it, trying to do what's best for him, for my members. I've watched the industry spin stories for their own gain for years before now, yet you talk to me like I'm wholly unaware of what they're capable of? Like I haven't seen my company do the same not only against him, but me, as well? Don't talk to me like a child."
"Then figure it out!" he snaps back, "You think the worst thing they can do to you is a removal from the group, but I'm here to tell you that's not even close to as horrific as it can get. MVNE are successfulâincredibly soâand if you weren't so wrapped up in yourself, maybe you would have noticed it."
"What a ridiculous thing to say."
"If you think they're going to tear apart a brand new, rising star group because of this then it just goes to show how little you understand about it all."
"Then what's the worst that could happen?"
The car pulls into the underground parking garage, and as he slips his arm out from the rolled down window to show his identification badge, he turns back just slightly to address you for the final time.
"Unfortunately, we're about to find out."
Walking into this room is stifling. The air is unmoving and cold, unwelcoming to your presence. Every pair of eyes that already waits inside of it falls on you, and it is far more than you find you had been anticipating.
Immediately, you fall numb to it. There is no other way to fight through this and still somehow come out on the other side. Your manager steps ahead and presents his hand in the direction of an empty seat just beside the one that will be his own, and along the rectangular table is many, many more bodies filling their respective chairs.
Paperwork is laid out and a few laptops sit open. There are pens strewn and people that you have never seen before in suits doing a poor job of pretending that they are not at all intrigued by your being here today. Their eyes fall away from you awkwardly with unimpressive coughs and sounds of throats clearing in the otherwise suffocating quiet of this conference room prison. Your skin crawls, and worst of all, you feel the rippling sob of desperation raking its way up through your chest.
And maybe if you cry, they will spare you. The thought comes to you as a hopeless plea while settling into the cold of your chair. Nothing has prepared you for this moment; no amount of insistence that the worst is far beyond what you are able to comprehend can placate the thought that what awaits you here is a careless hand sliding paperwork for your departure across this expensive, waxed table.
A few seats down, a woman in a white blouse closes her laptop, folds her hands together atop it, and then looks directly at you.
"My name is Kim Jieun, I'm the head of Public Relations. Seated with us today are a handful of the shareholders, as well as legal representatives for the agency. All participants of this meeting are here to ensure that the outcome is beneficial to the parties currently present. Do you understand?"
Looking towards your manager, you hope for any hint of how to go forward. However, he sits still, staring out towards what appears to be nothing in particular.
"Are they⊠my lawyers?"
"You could say that. They are all of our lawyers. Yours, the company, and mine. They are a neutral third-party only tasked with ensuring that everything that takes place today does so with the utmost legality."
You are at least smart enough to know that these people are not here with your best interest in mind. That, however, is far from what is most concerning to you.
"Can I ask why lawyers would need to be present, at all?"
A small smirk plays at Jieun's lips, either amused or irritated by your unwillingness to let this playout as easily as she might have hoped. Her hands pull away from one another and instead move to take a thin stack of papers into her hands. She looks them over for only a moment, and then her eyes fall back to you.
"It's simply a procedure. Do you understand what I have told you?"
"Yes."
Her attention falls back to the papers and she begins to read them over. "For the past couple of weeks, myself and my colleagues have been tasked with detailing the trajectory of MVNE from debut to now, and outwardly to the future. Of course, it is impossible to predict how well a freshly debuted idol group is going to do, and the industry is a grueling oneâthe people are fickleâbut one thing is for certain: They like what they like."
Jieun folds the papers face down onto the table and gently slides them towards you.
Tentatively, you take them into your hands and begin to look through them yourself.
She continues. "MVNE has seen the kind of wildfire success that many companies could only dream of, and of course, you are an absolutely necessary aspect of that. It's reasons such as this that so many rules and guidelines are put in place for idols, especially at the beginning of their careers. I have no doubt that being on the receiving end of such smothering regulations can be bothersome, but it's important that you know it's for the best for you, as well as the company."
The paperwork is filled with text, numbers and graphs detailing each and every high and low that your group has ever experienced. It is immaculately drawn upâcharting number, album sales, ticket sales, member-specific merch sales as well as individual activities and the broadcast pull that each and every one of you inside of the group seems to have garnered. This sort of understanding of where a group sits in the vast zeitgeist of the industry seems almost impossible to actually quantify to you, yet here it sits now; right between your fingers.
And the numbers do not lie: MVNE is a roaring success by every single metric, yet this fact does not cause your heart to rest easily.
Looking up from it, your eyes catch those of every person in the room before finally falling back to Jieun's.
"What⊠does this mean, exactly?"
She smiles again, and though you know it is meant to be reassuring, it feels anything but. There is a kind of wickedness seated behind her eyes that you can easily parse out through the rest of what she is offering you; the poisoned apple. Something devilish wrapped with beautiful packaging.
"It means that you don't have a whole lot to worry about right now, as far as your place in this industry is concerned, and that's something that not a lot of idols get to say. It is a privilege to be so highly favored amongst the public, but it is still a very precarious position that you hold, and it can go away in a flash if the right steps are not taken to get a handle on situations that may flip them otherwise." Reaching towards you, Jieun takes the stack of paperwork back and then folds her hands over it once more. There is an oppressive beat of silence that follows those words, and before you have a chance to consider a response, she says, "We believe that your group will quickly surpass the senior group at the company, and for that reason, it is in all of our best interests to ensure that that pans out without a hitch."
With your breath catching in your throat, you immediately recall her words from just prior that had once slipped by without so much as a second thought.
All participants of this meeting are here to ensure that the outcome is beneficial to the parties currently present.
"Unfortunately," she says, "Sometimes that requires some less than ideal tactics that must be resorted to. I have come to understand that a relationship has formed between yourself and one of the members of this senior groupâsomeone that you had initiated private contact with prior to your entering the company as a traineeâis that correct?"
Your throat is dry, no longer numb to everything crumbling down around you and rather, becoming starkly aware of it. The air feels thick, almost impossible to take into your lungs as you desperately try to steady your nerves. Acknowledgement of the crime feels impossibly heavy now that it has been brought to light in front of so many displeased eyes.
You are barely able to croak out a "yes" in response.
"Who initiated the contact?"
"IâŠ" You stumble, not wanting to air the truth but terrified of what may happen if you don't. Does it even matter if you lie? Will dishonesty net you anything, or save either of you from an outcome that is already impossible to avoid? "I was his fan, I went to eventsâfansignsâwe just talked there, it wasn'tâ"
"Yes, I am aware of that. It is important that you understand that what I am asking you now is purely for legal reasons, and has no bearing on the procedures going forward."
The wheel is already in motion, the clock is ticking down, and you don't know how much time you even have left.
And so, you relent to it all.
"He did," you say, with a new confidence forced into your tone.Â
"And the two of you met privately numerous times before you became a trainee at this company?"
"Yes."
"Were you involved romantically then?"
"No."
"Only after you became a trainee?"
"Debut," you correct, "Only after debut."
The barrage of questions comes to an end, and Jieun takes some time to write notes into her laptop that you cannot see. You don't need to see them, however, because the threads have begun to come together in your mind already, and rather than fight them as you have attempted to do so many times prior; finally, you are giving in.
Finally, you are making a decision.
Jieun hums and closes her laptop once again. You watch her shuffle through another stack of papers before eventually locating the one that she appears to have been searching for. It is placed face-down onto the tableâsoon to find youâand it is then that you feel the air shift in such a tangibly wicked way.
Your eyes catch hers, and that smirk ever so slightly curls into her lips once again.
"Through numerous discussions, we have decided to get ahead of this in a way that will leave you largely out of the line of public vitriol. Of course, it cannot be avoided as a whole, but if we spin this to appear as though you have been groomed into this relationshipâthat you have been preyed upon by your seniorâit will set you up as a victim of the circumstances, rather than a willing participant in the wrongdoing. This way, public favor will continue to fall onto you and your group, and MVNE will likely continue their upward trajectory, maintaining yours, as well as the others', successful careers."
The facade you maintain is one of strength and confidence, but inside, your chest feels as though it is caving in on itself. This will destroy Sunwoo's career, destroy him, and the rest of his members will have to shoulder the burden of this forever, as well. People who have been kind to you, who you have formed friendships with and who have even extended themselves to aid in flourishing this thing that now, will ultimately be their downfall.
Though your mouth is dry, you swallow through the painful sting that resides in your throat. Still, you insist on stating the obvious as if hopeful that the response you receive is indicative of something else entirely.
"The Boyz will fail."
"An unfortunate byproduct, yes," Jieun concludes, "but the lesser of two evils." She slides the paper towards you then, and there is no pen for your signature included in it. Confused, you flip it to read over the text that says all of the same things that have already been explained to you. There is no line for your name, nothing that suggests your consent is a requirement in moving forward with this plan, and once that understanding comes to a head, you fully come to recognize that the clock has long since begun counting down towards this demise.
"There's no line for my signature," you say.
Unbothered, Jieun does not extend towards you the grace of meeting your eye, and instead begins gathering her belongings as if this conference has already come to an end.
"This assembly is a formality. Contractually, we are not obligated to receive your consent to move forward with any decision we come to in regards to you, the other members, or the groups as a whole. We have legal grounds, and thus, the final say is amongst the committee."
You nod, force a slow, calculated smile, and say, "Thank you, my career means everything to me."
And for the first time, Jieun's smile appears genuine.
Messaging Woori is an afterthought, and though there is a twinge of wrongfulness that presses in your mind, it is far outweighed by the urgentness of the first one that you have sent out instead.
Your manager does not bother to ask about where you're rushing off to or your feelings on the way that this has all played out, and that is a grave oversight. Feigning illness is simple for you and you have more than enough corroboration to get away with it; averted eyes, a hand to your head, and a quick leap into one of the nearby single-use bathrooms is all it takes to have no one there to question your next steps going forward.
The first text you send is nothing more than a single word. Cafe. Nothing more needs to be said about it and you don't need to wait for a response to it, either. Nothing remains on your schedule for the rest of the day, there is no where else than anyone is expecting you to be, and thus, you are free to move about without the concern of watchful, prying eyes worried for your whereabouts. For all of the money they have, all of the planning and strategizing that has been carried out until now, you would have thought them to be a little more careful in conceptualizing the potential aftermath of what has just been told to you.
Or perhaps they truly did expect you to fall in line and take it all lying down.
Once out of the elevator, you don't bother glancing around yourself for anyone that you may know. Other members of either group could be lingering and mingling in the common areas of the company lobby, but that is not something that you have the time or attention to give to it. Where the seniors are concerned, especially, you do not yet have the words to offer them in relation to an outcome that they have not yet come to learn about. How do you tell them that it is all about to come crashing down, and through no fault of their own? How do you soften the blow of everything being ripped away from them, and the person to blame for it is you?Â
Sunwoo has culpability, too, though his hand in this does not feel nearly as strong. As you charge out onto the sidewalk and whip yourself around the corner, your memory replays all of those times that he has insisted, begged, pleaded for you to give him something more, something safer for the both of you and more easily maneuvered than whatever the situation has ultimately become.Â
You hadn't trusted him to make the wise decision then, and all he could do was sit back and allow you to take the reigns of inaction towards demise.
Standing at the crosswalk, you feel your phone vibrate inside of your pants pocket. Whatever it is can wait, even if it's a reply to the most pressing of messages, because you need to escape the jail cell that holds claim to your entire being, and this tiny coffee shop is the only option as far as solace is concerned.
The light turns green, and as you cross, you remember the secret entrance.
It is hardly a secret, just far less traveled, but that is precisely the thing that you are needing right now. The alleyway it is tucked into is dirty and barely tended to, but the back door to the cafe hangs open and inviting as if they are anticipating your arrival in some way. With a pounding heart and lungs full of air that never quite feel sated, you step inside and call out to anyone that may be able to hear you as you continue your journey towards a place you have been once before.
And when you turn that familiar corner, the person that you are hoping to meet is already sitting there staring back at you.
"You don't check your phone," Juyeon says with a cup of coffee in hand.
"I'm a bit tied up right now," you answer back, stepping into the room and slinging your lifeless body into the chair across the table. For the first time today, you feel somewhat at peace, but you know all too well that that is something that has not yet been earned. "We need to talk. It's⊠really bad."
"Tell me."
"The company knows everything. I just got out of a meeting with PR, the lawyers, shareholders; basically everyone that's anybody in there. It's so much worse than I thought it would be. I thought they would just push for my withdrawal from the group, or reprimand me, but that's not their plan at allâŠ"
As the story leaves your lips, you realize that you have been looking anywhere but at Juyeon. Meeting his eyes feels like an impossible task given the knowledge that you now have and the precariousness of his own career. You know this, but he does not, and as you force yourself to give him the kind of respect that he deserves, the softness of his features as he gazes back at you does nothing to dissipate the guilt that holds you with force.
In that moment, a hand comes down from behind to gently set down a cup of coffee for you.
"They're willing to dismantle your group to protect mine. They're going to say some despicable things about Sunwooâthings that aren't true, that they know aren't trueâso that they can get ahead of the narrative and put an end to this once and for all. They don't care about what it means for you guys, only that it preserves the ideal outcome for us."
Silence follows for a long while after that, and you suppose you can't really blame Juyeon for not having the right words for once.
His eyes fall away from yours and settle back down to the cup he keeps in hand. A slow, deliberate sip comes after that, and once the motions of the task have fully completed he hums to himself and merely says, "I see."
"I⊠I can't let them do that," you say. "I can't just let them get away with this, no matter what that means for me and my future. It's not fair, it's not right; this isn't just about being an idol anymore, what they're planning is going to ruin peoples lives."
"Then do something about it."
Juyeon's voice is firm but soft when the response comes, and it jars you from your otherwise spiraling thoughts. Your eyes widen, you look at him once again with the shock evident on your face and all you can ask is, "What?"
The smile he offers you is small and easy, like it's the most obvious thing in the world, though you cannot fathom the fact. Once again, the cup makes its way back up to his lips but before he takes the impending sip he says, "They've shown you their hand, you know exactly what it is that they intend to do. So, do something about it. Undermine them. Take the control away and the power back. That's what you want, isn't it?'
Still stunned by what you have just heard, it takes you a moment to collect yourself enough to issue a reply.
"I mean⊠Yeah, of course that's what I want, it's justâŠ" Slinking down further into your chair, you finally tend to the cooling cup of coffee that has been left for you and with a lazy sip you say, "If I'm honest, it's a little surprising hearing this coming from you. When it comes to decisions that are effectively nuclear, you wouldn't be my go-to." You glance up to him again. "No offense."
"None taken, but you have to consider where I am coming from with this. It's not as though I am looking at it through a sudden lens of impracticalityâquite the opposite, in factâI consider all of the angles and do my best to make a calculated conclusion suited for the best outcomeâŠ" Juyeon's head falls to the side ever so slightly as he watches you, and the look on his face tells you that this is all information you should have long since figured out. Slow to the discovery as always, it would seem.Â
Setting the mug down onto the table, Juyeon folds his hands in front of his face and props his chin atop them. He then adds the conclusion to his earlier sentiment. "The best outcome for the people who matter the most in the equation."
"You think I should call Sunwoo."
"I don't think that's the only thing you should do, but at the very least, you should start there. If you want to steal back the power of the narrative, then you're simply going to have to tell your own. In spite of everyone and everything else."
With one, quick swig of your cold coffee, you dig out your phone. Sunwoo picks up the call after only a single ring.
"So, this is where all of those secret coffee dates have been taking place."
Turning to look, you find Sunwoo standing in the doorway to the private room with his hands pressed into his hips and a meager pout at his lips.
"Do you really think now is a good time for this?" you say.
"Probably not, but it's funny. I also don't know what's going on, so forgive me for not arriving dressed for the occasion."
Rim pressed to his lips, Juyeon does not bother to look up at Sunwoo when he says with a fairly idle nothingness to his tone: "The company is going to issue a statement that asserts that you have been grooming her into a relationship. The group is effectively over if that happens."
"What!?"
Rushing into the room, Sunwoo's shoe catches on one of the legs of your chair and sends him nearly tumbling to the ground, though he finds his footing enough just in time to not have himself laid out on the cold floor. Still, he succumbs to the horror of it all and crumbles to his knees beside the table anyway, looking between you and Juyeon as if you are his parents tasked with saving him from the gruesomeness of it all.
"That's what the meeting was about? I mean, I knew they would want to preserve MVNE but this is crazy! I didn't do that!" Sunwoo's head snaps towards you, eyes wide and pleading as he says, "I didn't do that! We were just friends!"
"It doesn't matter what the truth is, all that matters is that they can say it, and people will believe it. Once the story goes out it'll be easy enough to connect the dots, and who knows who might come forward that might have spotted is in public together before."
His head falls into his hands, and Juyeon looks down at him with only a moderate amount of concern.
Then, you say it: "I think we should hard-launch."
And the room falls impossibly silent in turn.
Looking down at your phone, you finally take notice of how much time has passed since your beginning of this project until now.Â
Wording is everything, and it all has to be delivered perfectly. Succinctly. No margin for error and no possibility of anything being misconstrued. You understand more than anyone from a place of once being involved in fandom that there will be no convincing everyone; no world where what you say here today will be accepted by each and every person as the unwavering truth, but that's a fact that you are simply going to have to accept.
As an idol, or not.
There's really no telling whether or not you will retain your place in MVNE after this, and though there have been moments where you've believed yourself not to care about that, you can say with a newfound assuredness that for the very first time, you well and truly do not. What matters now is the truth. What matters now is taking this back from the grips of people who wish to inflict nothing but harm with it, and reinvisioning it as something that it was always supposed to be.
Something good, something happy and unplanned, but all-in-all, right.
Important people in high up places are not going to be happy about this level of undermining, but you consider that the price they must pay for backing you so far against this wall. None of this had to get to this point, and a lot of that guilt still rests upon you. It isn't the the sort of atonement that you had been hoping for when you imagined it, but it is all you have to work with now.
Tilting the screen towards Sunwoo, he looks at the drafted social media post from over your shoulder and smiles at the picture long before reading the caption beneath it.
It is a simple selfie togetherânothing special, nothing impressiveâbut there's an obvious sort of light behind both of your eyes that makes the love held there evident to anyone looking to find it. His face is pressed against yours, lips smooshed against your cheek, and the smile on your face is one that you probably haven't been able to wear carefree in a long, long time.
You'd hoped to keep the wording short, but wordiness comes naturally to you, and thus, you wrote from the heart. From start to finish, everything is there in the open. Every lie once told, every truth hidden, and the truth that is now soon to be established. Getting there first is half the battleâyou know this perfectly wellâand given the fact that your phone hasn't yet begun to blow up with phone calls and notifications, you have reason to believe that the upper hand is still yours.
Turning back, you search for Juyeon as he scrolls through his phone. When he looks up at you, he shakes his head to confirm nothing has gone out yet and you answer that with a confirming nod.
"It's not going to be easy, you know," Sunwoo says, leaned hard against you like a warm, heated blanket in human form. "Even like this, even getting the first word out, it's going to be nasty for a long time. I don't even know if we'll have jobs after thisâŠ"
"It's better than the alternative, we know the outcome of that already. We take this chance and maybe they realize that getting into a pissing contest in the public eye isn't actually that great of a look for them. People who will be angry with us for dating⊠I can weather that storm."
"Are your members going to be upset? You didn't consult them, after all."
Shaking your head, a small smile forms as you recall the events of the morning. "No," you say, confident. "I think they will be proud."
"Alright then!"
Snatching your phone from your hand, Sunwoo turns his back towards you as if he anticipates you fighting for your device back and without so much as another word, you watch in what feels like slow motion as his thumb hovers over the button, and then presses post.Â
The world stops spinning for a single second in time, the numbness of what has just transpired blanketing over your form as something that you can never take back, can never be ignored, and that opens up a path ahead of you that you cannot predict.
But this is a decision that you have made, and when Sunwoo's hand slips into yours, the road onwards seems just a little less dark than it was before.
a/n: thank you everyone for coming along for this ride! i wasn't expecting much coming back after a year of silence and i am blown away by the reception to this, so thank you so much! i hope it was a fun ride, and hopefully there will be more from me in the not-so-distant future đ©”

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happy birthday hakkie âĄ
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