hello vonnie
occasionally subtle
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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Misplaced Lens Cap
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Today's Document
Discoholic šŖ©
YOU ARE THE REASON
romaā
Love Begins
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć
Cosimo Galluzzi
Jules of Nature
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
noise dept.
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@ihavetheblues96
As time passes I miss you. Its okay cause I think I love this version of me. I can sing when I want without feeling annoying. I can dance and enjoy myself with out feeling self conscience. I can breathe and feel free while my hair is wild and untamed. I think I can live without you even if I don't like being without you.
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girlie you deserve SO MUCH better than c e
hope you'll stop hurting and heal soon, my love and prayers go out for you, don't give up <3
Thank you ā¤ļøā¤ļø I know I do and I will feel better soon. Thank you for this I really appreciate it šš„¹
I think Iām a masochist because I revel in my pain. When my heart aches for you my mind reminds me of your sheets. When I miss your touch my stomach aches and turns, when I think of the others youāve touched. When I see your smile I remember the lies behind it. When you look at me fondly my anger flares because it was you who walked away. I welcome and enjoy the pain that comes with the thought of you. So that I can feel the joy of not having you here.
-Blues
I miss you but I miss myself more. I love your smile but I should have never lost mine. Your eyes are alway shining and bright but mine are glazed in hurt and tears. You were always my muse but my paintings became dull and my words nonexistent. I built you up but you knocked me down. I helped you discover new parts of yourself that shine but you showed me the dull darkness in me I never knew existed. You opened my eyes to a new world and love but I became lost and that love hurt. I love you but I need to love myself more.
-BLUES
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Iāve always been scared of the dark but when I close my eyes those lights that float in my eyes turn to stars. I want to let those stars lead my dreams and I hope they arenāt of you. I hope those stars arenāt just hypnagogic because the dreams they take me to feel so real. I dream of blissful and watch sunrises pass me by. In my dreams the outside world fades and my heart is whole. In my dreams I smile and laugh. In my dreams I am who I want to be. In my dreams you donāt exist and the pain doesnāt either. In my dreams your words donāt haunt me. In my dreams I find peace. When I open my eyes to the bright sun, I find myself hoping for the night. I miss the darkness that scares me, because I canāt wait to see the stars behind my eyes.
-BLUES
Our minds created a future.
Our hearts made love.
Our bodies created life.
Our actions destroyed it all.
Our words just sealed it off.
I know you all will see my page and find it sad or honestly desperate. Thatās okay cause it is. Itās my feelings that will never reach or be said out loud. Itās just what it is. It wonāt always be this way because I will heal and I will be okay. We all will eventually. This is where I vent and I want my feelings to be felt and conveyed. Maybe find others who feel the same. Iām only human in the end and we are all fragile.
Dear C.E,
I love you. I wanted us to work. I wanted my initials to become C.E as well. Iām sorry for my part in this. You were not perfect and had faults, but so do I. I hope you think of me. I hope you love me too. I hope one day we can forgive each other because I miss my best friend. I will pray for you even if you donāt believe it helps. The pain and anger I feel will go away but my love will never fade. I hope that you find happiness. I hope you can see you are special. I just wanted to let you know youāre not a bad person. You will never be alone even if you feel like it. Iām sorry for making you feel alone and for my part in hurting you. We have two different hurts but we both lost each other. I hope you feel this loss like I do, so I know you did love me. Thatās selfish I know but thatās who I am. All I am I think. I love our life together and i love our love. Maybe one day this will find you and youāll know itās for you. You will grow into a great man one day and my heart will always break when youāre with someone new, but I will always want you to be happy. You taught me a lot and I hope I did the same. Thank you for your love. Thank you for our children. Maybe one day when we arenāt so broken we can make things work. I wanted to grow with you, to age with you and make mess in our kids homes with you lol. I never wanted us to stop laughing. I never wanted to be apart but I was selfish in sharing my thoughts. I was selfish with my actions and so were you. You were greedy for more of me but I was scared of giving you the rest of me just to have you continue to hurt me. I couldnāt give you everything because I felt I would have nothing left. I was selfish youāre right and Iām sorry. I hope we can be better than we are and I hope we can make things work. I hope you know I love your laugh, heart, mind and soul. Toes and elbows. You will always be my always and forever. Iām saying goodbye so you can know your worth and so I can find mine. I hope one day we will laugh together again. I hope one day our heart will heal. I want you to be happy even if it hurts me. I will be the villain in your story but you will always be the one who made me love. I prey youāre always safe and that one day you find what you deserve. I will always be here for you. I wish i could fit everything in here but I canāt. I hope one day you find this cause Iām too scared to show you. I love you bb.
-sincerely, Dollface
Did you knowā¦? I miss hearing these words but now my mind finishes the sentence. Did you know how much I love you? Did you know you I did my best? Did you know I really gave everything I had? Did you know youāre really strong? Did you know I always dream of you? Did you know I hold my breath when we fight? Did you know itās not sighs of frustration just of me calming myself? Did you know youāre not scary but your actions are? Did you know youāre hurting me? Did you know I wondered if you cared? Did you know I miss you? Did you know youāre beautiful? Did you know I admired you? Did you know that I was struggling? Did you know you never listened when I needed? Did you know your eyes glaze over when I talk? Did you know your light came back as flames when you only hear the bad? Did you know I was doing what I could to stay afloat? Did you know I was building you up everyway I could? Did you know I never looked at anyone other than you? Did you know I noticed you did? Did you know I stopped feeling beautiful? Did you know I wondered how you saw me? Did you know I wondered if you were happy? Did you know I thought you settled? Did you know my bruises take a month to fade? Did you know I felt worthless after every fight? Did you know I tell the kids how wonderful you are? Did you know theyāve seen my cry too much? Did you know I want to be strong? Did you know I love you? Did you know I played piano? Did you know we only talked about you? Did you know I felt like I bored you? Did you know I didnāt want to do that but I wanted you to be happy? Did you know I wanted you? Did you know I still pray for you? Did you know I wish I could be different? Did you know I wish I could talk like I write? Did you know my right eye hurts when I try to look to the right? Did you know I would watch you sleep to make sure you didnāt have nightmares? Did you know when you did I stayed up and held you? Did you know Iām always breaking promises? Did you know I did what I thought was right? Did you know Iām a fuck up? Did you know I only went on that date to forget you? Did you know I could only compare him to you? Did you know itās only been 7months? Did you know the guy was a creep so left early to get my nails done so didnāt feel so shitty? Did you I cry everyday? Did you know Iām trying to strong? Did you know Iām failing? Did you know Iāve bern failing? Did you know Iām always the last one holding on to us? Did you know Iām a leech? Did you know I find excuses to see you so my heart doesnāt hurt? Did you known I break down every time you leave? Did you know I I tried? Did you know I donāt have anything to give? Did you know it hurt when you said you found someone great out of your league? Did you know it hurt when I realized she wasnāt the 1st? Did you know youāre never going to see this? Did you know it hurt that you moved on so fast? Did you know everytime you said you loved me you said I want to be with you? Did you know that gave me hope? Did you know I met someone but I canāt see them just you? Did you know Iām wasting my time? Did you know you had already moved on before you left me? Did you know I knew? Did you know I tried opening up and reaching out? Did you know you never let me speak? Did you know my mind could only think I love you? Did you know I could have done better? Did you know you wanted respect so did I? Did you know Iām scared of belts? Did you know youāre the 2nd man to use it on me? Did you know I wonder why Iām not beautiful like they are? Did you know Iām ashamed everyday? Did you know I love you? Did you know you broke me? Did you know I wonder about all of them? Did you know I never stopped comparing myself? Did you know I hoped youād come back? Did you know I felt stupid? Did you know I would take you back immediately? Did you know you didnāt want a lot? Did you know I only wanted you? Did you know I couldnāt give you what you wanted because I felt like you never cared? Did you know I realized I didnāt because I was scared of messing it up? Did you know I really did just forget? Did you know I ran out of characters?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Youāre gone. Im surrounded by you. Iām surrounded by the life we built. Enveloped in the memories of you and me. I can still feel your hands on me. I hear every word ever spoken. All I still feel is love. The only difference is it hurts. Iām drowning in our love but not like before. I see you in everything. I hear you in every song. Your hands that held me and caressed me. Became the same ones that bruised me. The air you brought to my lungs is the air you took away. The words you used to love me are the same ones that you use to hurt me. My ocean of love for you is now waves crashing into me, drowning me in its depths. I want to burn everything down. Rip everything you ever touched away. I want to breathe in your scent, but Iāve noticed the change. I want to scream until my voice is gone so I you canāt hear the hurt. I want to tell you come back that I can accept everything, that youāre the only one I want. All I want. But youāre gone and we both know Iām not what you want. I crave to tear the skin of my flesh so I maybe I can morph into what you want. I just wanted to be enough. I wanted you to choose me but there was always someone better. Youād come back but that part of me never did. I want to run from this home we built so I can stop seeing the memories, hearing the arguments, so I can stop feeling this love. I want to erase every moment we shared the good and the bad. But I donāt want to forget you. I donāt want to lose you but youāre already gone.
Iāve become ash after the fire
I burned bright only to be put out by those who said they loved my light
I gave comfort
I gave warmth
I gave protection
I lit the path for others to walk in the darkness.
When my flame grew low and weak I noticed I was alone.
I searched for kindle only to be blown away and found in a colder place
I called for help, my breathe taking oxygen I didnāt realize I needed
I cried only for my tears to extinguish my light
As I grew cold ,Weak, alone my light sizzled away.
Ash I became and those I loved disappeared only to be left behind in the wind.
Wind picked me up whispering ā You are beautiful I see great things in you.ā
Wind pushed me further than I knew I could go
Wind caressed me and I felt comfort by someone who wasnāt scared to get burned.
Wind set me high on a mountain so I could reach the stars.
Wind said āthis is your homeā and from my ash the ground began to sprout.
Greens pinks and blues. I watched my work proudly I felt my worth.
Wind came and went to watch me work.
Wind faded at times but always found ways to come back stronger.
Wind brings me up when I am low
Wind leans on me when heās tired and low
We mix and make storms.
We laugh and spread seeds.
We love and make beauty.
We merge and see the stars.
I was fire,
I was light
I was fragile
I was weak
but now
I am fertile
I am kind
I can give myself and not run low
I am strong.
I am Earth not ash
Blues
friend!
Iām not sure what kind of mindset Iām in anymore. I get random Bursts of energy or is angst? Well random spurts of emotions anger frustration sadness etc.. Iām trying to channel them into something helpful. Something to make me want to get up and get things done. Iāve organized mess in my angst then I become frustrated and try to catch up on chores only to look at it all as I know Iāll have to repeat it again tomorrow. I want to work I want to go out and find what I am. who I am. What I can become. Then shame washes over me for being selfish. I know eventually my time will come. At least thatās what I tell myself. My life has rewards as I watch my kids grow and become something beautiful and amazing. It fells like watching a sunrise hopeful bright colorful and beautiful. But when itās gone and your days is blue and bright whatās that feeling that creeps up on me? Itās filled with confusion and yearning for something that I canāt describe. I just want to be something someone I can be proud of. They can be proud of. Im not sure where Iām going with this to be honest but now itās out there maybe someone can understand or relate. Or maybe Iām just whiny and a dick lol
BLUES
yes sleep is good but the plot of that story is getting better i promise
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
It's hard when you're expectations are crushed. When the look in his eyes Is different from what you remember. Maybe the look was never there and imagined it because you were naive and wanted to be loved. Maybe who he was, was never who he actually was but what he wanted to be for you. Then reality set in and pressure crushed his hopes along with yours. His expectations, his image of you was broken the same way and now you're staring at each other with the same look in your eyes. Trying not to fall in the void dividing us. As our eyes scream love Me for me. Love what I am and accept me. Please me be what I want again and let me love you. Let's go back to the time when we could be free together and stop time there. It's yelling I MISS YOU but I can't see you anymore. Our lips don't move and say what we want or need. We want to love and be loved but we aren't the same. We want to communicate but there's so much interference it makes words shift and we aren't understanding. How can we fix this? How can we be loved? How can I be better? The words "I'll be better." came out of my mouth tonight and I felt disappointed with myself as well as with your silence. Listen to your breathing slow as you fall asleep. I heard you. I promise. I saw you try and change the conversation to ease my mind to let me collect my thought to communicate. I heard you say the words "Just give me something" my mind won't let me complete my actions. It won't let me tell you how much I love you and what I need. Then I thought again for the God knows how many times now. "Why am I never enough for you? How do I change? Why should I change? Or is thinking like that why I am a problem" I close my eyes and pray to God like my mother before me and her mother before her please help us please give me sign we will mend things and we can be free together again. Let me know that our love is right.
Blues
