iruka does kakashi a solid and goes to one (1) ribbon cutting in the hidden cloud village representing the hatake administration during it's first year. and suddenly he’s the first lady of konoha.
it stems from a game of telephone played among diplomats and shinobi alike, whispered behind flutes of sparkling wine and event pamphlets.
he's a trusted figure in konoha, gaara tells kankuro as iruka gives the keynote speech, he's important to naruto, and kakashi values and holds him dear.
he's someone the rokudaime holds dear, is what kankuro tells a mist shinobi at the open bar as they watch iruka mingle with the new daimyo of the land of wind. he trusts him deeply.
only for that shinobi, now tipsy, to tell his comrade the rokudaime cares for him deeply.
and his comrade, just as tipsy, jokes, oh? they're lovers? though her affect is not quite sarcastic enough for the passing and aged ears of the tsuchikage, who takes this whisper as fact.
and the tsuchikage, ever the traditionalist but trying his best to be open minded, takes lovers to mean married and as such asks one of his aides to prepare a newly wed care package for iruka, a customary gift in his village, to be delivered upon his return to the land of fire.
the raikage catches wind of this, and refusing to be outdone in his own village, hastily has his people bring out a case of their most expensive spirits and proposes a toast to konoha and kakashi and iruka's future. may the bond between our villages be as strong and devoted as that between you both! which iruka accepts graciously, albeit confused about his phrasing.
things continue to snowball from there-- because why else would the hokage send some random teacher abroad to such an important event, and with such a large entourage of assistants and anbu guards? what, other than a plethora of experience gained from a lifelong dedication to teaching, as well as astute and compelling ideas on education and child care, could this middling but charming chuunin possibly provide? especially at a ribbon cutting for a new academy and the unveiling of an international student exchange program between the villages (that iruka all but spearheaded himself)? the only explanation was that they were married and this was one of his spousal duties, of course!
the event comes to an end and the mizukage invites iruka to tour their new medicinal gardens in the spring.
.... the tsuchikage reminds him to remain steadfast and loyal in his new duties and to serve his hokage well.
.... gaara congratulates him with an all too earnest smile.
.... and the raikage hands him a tin of ointment.
for pain and pleasure, the raikage tells him, which makes iruka think for just one moment that he might be hitting on him, until the man adds, which I'm sure Kakashi will appreciate.
and that fills iruka with all sorts of thoughts involving kakashi alone and then kakashi with the hulking man before him and-- well, as enticing as that was, it makes his chest swirl with an unpleasant heat that he recognizes as jealousy.
iruka leaves with the tin held tightly in his hand and arrives in konoha none the wiser. he walks into kakashi's office and finds him surrounded by flowers and gifts and letter, a teasing smile on his face.
it still doesn't click for iruka-- he thinks he's missed some celebration, or misremembered kakashi's birthday, somehow. but his first thought isn't to ask or question. his first thought is in the palm of his hand.
iruka slams down the tin on kakashi's desk. are you involved with the raikage? he asks. and kakashi, to his credit, blinks twice before the smile on his face shatters, distorting into something shocked and distraught.
kakashi doesn't get to answer iruka either-- instead, naruto bursts in through the window and shouts: YOU TWO GOT MARRIED?
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