chaos and i? we're lovers

billion 😞's

you're safe and i've got you here with me and i'm so incredibly happy. i could have the worst day and it'd still be the best birthday i've ever had

yeah it's still bad sometimes

oh...

i could never ask that of you, though

here's an idea how about we don't ever go back? how about i move you out here and we start our lives in this place that i thought i hated but turns out i can't live without?

hey when will i stop fucking crying over everything !!

hey soft girl i missed saying silly stuff to you without feeling so tense and wrong

i still love you with every bit of me and that isn't changing no matter the ups or downs and i really hope you do know

i'm sorry about all the silence. i'm sorry because i just feel worlds apart from you. i don't matter right now but it's just really hard to be there when i've apparently forgotten how to best comfort you. i just feel like i can't get it right and nothing i do could possibly make you feel okay

physically incapable of feeling anything alike peace these days. not even with you beside me. there's just a war raging on inside me and all around me and i don't know what to do about any of it.

i will not rest easy until you're six feet under, wasting away. i promise.

bloody fucking hell

i don't even remember if i said it wouldn't make a difference. i didn't want you to feel useless but it didn't.

i'm losing my head, it seems. thanks for noticing