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@igrewuponhere
big fan of deleting posts. you Dont get to see it anymore. be cause i said so

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Quinta da Regaleira in Sintra, Portugal
2012年07月14日
2012年07月14日
i think misogyny starts to feel like a lot more crazy of an opression when u process that we are half of the entire world population. half of all humans. and half of all humans have been systemically opressed by the other half in large swatches of the world for going on hundreds and thousands. h a l f. and we treat sexism like its somehow much less of an opression than other ones

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anyone else notice how when "digital assistants" were just supposed to do specific tasks when you asked for them we had Alexa and Siri and Cortana, but now that they're being marketed as smart enough to take actions and make decisions on their own they've got names like Claude and Devin
the longer I sit with obsession the more empathy I start to feel for entity!nikki. this creature that was created solely to love one person with this all-encompassing intensity that needed to be stronger than anything anyone felt in the entire world. entity!nikki whose entire world was just one single focal point; she'd do anything for bear to love her. she didn't know anything when she came into existence, but she was willing to do anything to get this man to fall for her.
it must have been equally terrifying for her as it was for the real nikki to have someone else fight for control over what she perceived as her body. the scene where she's sobbing in the corner, terrified of her dreams is now more sad than terrifying to me. real nikki, who has just been raped by her once best friend hurting so badly that it seeps into entity!nikki's nightmares. entity!nikki who doesn't understand why the thing she wanted so badly is causing her so much pain. why she can't bring herself to lie in bed next to the man who is the center of her world.
and the worst part is bear doesn't even seem to like her. she's trying so so hard; she made a lovely memorial for his dead cat, she waited for him to come home all day without moving an inch, she made sure to be the most doting girlfriend at the party, and he's not pleased by any of it. he seems disturbed and angry and scared and she has no idea what to do to make it better. to make it worse, he keeps asking her to behave like the original nikki but he was the one who wished for her!! she can't be like nikki because nikki was simply not capable of loving bear even a fraction of how much she does!
she can't seem to reconcile it; he wanted her so badly he conjured her into reality and now he doesn't want her anymore. she doesn't know what to do. she tries everything. she obsesses over him, she threatens to hurt herself, she gets rid of that bitch sarah who keeps distracting him and trying to steal him away, and then dresses in her clothes for good measure and he still doesn't want her.
and then finally in a fit of desperation, she makes the wish and for one beautiful moment its all perfect. he's finally looking at her the way she looks at him. and then he's dead and she's lost everything.
her entire existence, from the moment of her conception to her death was painful, and confusing, and so very sad.
I need to see it again to pinpoint the details but I really like how the opening scene of obsession (2026) is Bear practicing his confession with a diner waitress... like already you have a woman (who is not Nikki) fulfilling the role for her, saying the response she thinks Bear would like to hear, but the moment this woman gives her own opinion, offering genuine advice to Bear (something along the lines of buying Nikki something she likes, like her favorite candy, flowers, etc)... Bear disregards it... but then ends up using Ian's recommendation from this same conversation (calling Nikki "Freaky Nikki")... like god its all already right there

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a week of getting caught in downpours
German underground rappers are cooking. I don't like the sound of most of the songs but the women are aaaangggryyyyyyy woooh I'm here for it

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