Ignivomous Infamy

I think my heart is bursting with love, and people are terrified to hold it.

Even after all this time, I have loved you more than anything else in this world.

I'd give you everything I have until there's nothing left, and even then, even then...

You will never know how many nights I've spent counting stars wishing that you would love me back.

I can live without you. I just don’t want to.

You are all I want. It is as simple and as complicated as that.

I think too much, I see too much, I write too much. Or maybe I'm just trying to exist too much.

How am I supposed to unlove someone who never loved me back?

My mother taught me how to use a band-aid when I fell from the swing set and had a scraped elbow. My father taught me how to paint on cardboard and how  to drench tissue and paper in glue to make paper mache. My highschool teachers taught me how distance times rate equals time, how physics changed the world and what Albert Einstein did that made his hair look so awful. But nobody taught me how to pick myself back up after crying instead of the razors. Nobody taught me that my body is a work of art and that not everybody who sees it will understand it. Nobody taught me that giving a little too much is okay. Nobody taught me that crying yourself to sleep does not mean that your world is about to end. Most importantly, people taught me how to love and move on when it’s over; they just forgot to teach me how to let go of someone who let go of you first.

We were two kids in love, but never at the right time. I loved you when you loved her, and you loved me when I gave you up. We're two kids lost in different chapters of the same book. Maybe in 5 years spontaneity will let us meet in a coffee shop in the same line. Maybe it'll be different then; maybe it'll be the right time.

He was a bed of flowers peeking over my window as I came close my eyes beheld a diamond amidst dandelions We sat under a willow tree and carved our names on the grass but the love withered as soon as spring passed He was a towering mountain and I broke my limbs to reach his peak for he stood tall like a tower; just as his soul was ocean deep He was a blossoming bruise on my cheek, a concave dent on my metal heart he was a lesson learned, the first one who tore me apart He is many things and words that pool at the tip of my pen, but do you know what he really was? The last metaphor with which this poem will end? He was a gust of wind, a fleeting summer breeze And now I know, now I know; I never should have breathed him in.

Darling, I would stay as long as you want me to. For ten days, a hundred years, or a thousand lifetimes. The only problem is you didn’t.

You never loved me. If you had, it wouldn't have been that easy to walk away from me.

Let me tell you something. I love spending afternoons on the porch drawing or painting with a spectacular view. I love staring at art for hours and writing stories about strangers. I love being alone in coffee shops and cancelled Saturday plans. I love getting lost in a city and finding a way back. I love grey skies over blue ones. I love thunderstorms and rainy nights. I love secondhand 80's books from the thrift store and world history. I love going to museums alone and spending my nights listening to love songs lying on my bed and staring at a wall. And the thing is, I loved you too. But we were just a little too different and loved each other in the wrong time. Or perhaps it was the wrong life.

One day you'll come back to hold my heart in your hands the way I wanted you to once. But no longer will it be soft and aching for you; it'll be a house full of thunderstorms bolted with a thousand locks... and this time, I'm not giving you the damn keys.

Keep me folded in between the pages of books you never read. Tuck me away into your deepest pocket underneath a pile of crumpled paper. Put me in a box and hide me in your darkest closet underneath a layer of dust beside your least favorite shoes. Love me, and never use me.

I never believed in love at first sight, not until the day I saw you across the room with a smile on your face. I knew instantly that you would matter to me. I knew you'd be the first one to break me.