Hiatus

                            ❛    i’ve been waiting FOREVER for you to get ready … are you almost done ?    ❜

“ do you remember the last time i got asked to something like   this, troy? because i do ——- homecoming, sophomore year.   jake ammons. you know what i remember most? it being a    prank, him standing me up, tracy egging his benz, and me   never getting asked out again. so really, it’s for the best that   i just — don’t even bother with this stuff, anyway. and you do   want to go. you’re just saying that to make me feel less awful. “

 “ the only girl you talk to? what am i, some kind of non-binary    auditory hallucination? you know —— just forget it, troy. the     only thing worse then not getting asked at all is getting pity    asked —- especially by the future prom queen’s brother. “

  “ you asked becky? as in, becky from ap chem? becky,     who wore a sweater with a unicorn on it to class this     morning? unicorn becky is going to prom and i’m not? “

   “ then they must have actually died, because otherwise      i’m pretty sure i would’ve heard an offer by now, troy. “ 

     “ and for the thousandth time —- no. there’s no way in        hell you’re going to be seeing me at prom. i’m staying        home, saving myself a hundred bucks on some awful        dress, and sparing myself the humiliation of showing        up alone —- like i do at every other school function. “ 

“Tracy,I love you and I care about you a lot,but the sex? Why?” He just couldn’t understand why she needed to have sex with someone to take her mind off the drugs. “I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m happy that you didn’t give shit about any of them. Otherwise, I would’ve killed them,”he said softly. He would’ve done it and not fucking cared. There’s a lot of things he can forgive,but liking someone even loving them was something he couldn’t forgive lightly. He looked grim,sitting there and just going through everything in his head.

“You were never a pain,Tracy,”He said a bit later. “But your lifestyle and the drinking and drugs,”he trailed off and shook his head. The words weren’t coming out. He didn’t know how to say it. It took several minutes of silence before he opened his mouth again,”the cheating…isn’t enough for me to leave you,but the lying–that part is what matters most to me,Tracy. You lying to me. I can’t trust you anymore,and I have to assume there’s other shit,too. Look at me,”He asked her,”and tell me you haven’t been doing any drugs since you got out. Tell me, you haven’t,Tracy.” He waited for her to say something. 

  “i don’t know what to tell you--- i hadn’t been sober in months. i    felt like shit and i needed to do at least one thing that felt good.    and it’s not like they would’ve allowed us to have sex in rehab,    slater.” while she did careabout charlie, she only cared about him    in a friendly way. they related to each other in a different way    because they were both recovering coke addicts. at first it started    as an innocent friendship, they were both just glad to have someone    to talk to and relate to, then after a conversation of how much they    missed sex and drugs, they found themselves having sex. 

   perfectly manicured eyebrows drew together at the other’s question,    her gaze falling down to the floor and doing the exact opposite of    what he had asked her to do. she couldn’t look at him. not while    answering that question. “how could you even ask me that?” she    hadn’t done any drugs, aside from medical marijuana--- which  had    been prescribed by her doctor, in months; and it had been hell. so    she was offended at the fact that he would even suggest that she    was on drugs again, when she had been trying so hard to get clean.

“ see, that wasn’t so bad, now was it?   this is why you’re my favorite stark. “ 

 “Oh no, sweet child of mine. You wanted to be an adult and  you know what adults do? They deal with shit. You have to  deal with this and make it right and tell him.”

“i can count the number of guys i’ve slept with on one hand,  tracy, and yes, i’ve had all of —– “ okay, so there was one  exception ; but jules was sure as hell not going to give any  further details on it. because that was most definitely going  to be a fight — for another day. she dreaded that discussion.

 dark hues roll in reply to the blonde’s question. “ yes – and  some guys use dental dams when they go down on a girl. “   had she really never heard of any of this? juliette makes a   mental note to bring some pamphlets from the office along   the next time she visits. “ and what happens when he stops  being happy, tracy? at least tell me you’re putting a little bit  of this cash into savings. “ a fall back, for when it fell apart.

   “jules, i’m glad you like to over-think things and be extra     safe, but i’m not gonna ask someone who’s giving me ten     grand a month to get tested. i can’t scare him off--- where     am i gonna find another sugar daddy that’s on my level?”      she wasn’t exactly easy to please, and any sugar daddy     expecting to get with her for five-hundred bucks wouldn’t     do. she would never lower her standards.

    the blonde squinted, downing her whisky before serving     herself more--- she hadn’t drank this much since before     rehab. maybe her problem was being judged by others.     specially her best friend. “do you think i’m an idiot? i     only keep half and put the rest on a savings account."     after all she only needed that much to accommodate      herself, she already payed her own bills with modeling     jobs, interviews, and commercials she did from time     to time, after all. she wasn’t completely dependent.      she could afford to pay her own rent, she just couldn’t     afford to have the luxuries she had gotten so used to.