𝓁𝒾𝒽𝒶𝓂

do i go home to mindanao for good

or do i stay here in cebu and pretend i’m okay

my mental health is not okay.

not “a little sad” not “just tired”

but not okay in a way that makes decisions feel impossible

my mom keeps asking me to come home.

she wants to take care of me.

and i know that’s love. i really do.

but love doesn’t automatically make things simple.

because going home feels like giving up

and staying feels like slowly breaking.

i don’t know if going home will heal me

or trap me in the same pain with different walls

i don’t know if staying is me being strong

or me running away from rest.

i hate that i can’t explain this without sounding ungrateful.

i hate that “home” feels heavy instead of safe.

i hate that i’m expected to know what’s best for myself

when my mind won’t even let me breathe.

i’m tired of choosing between two things

cebu feels lonely

mindanao feels heavy

that both scare me in different ways.

i just want one clear answer.

or one night without this question

I needed air. I needed silence. I needed to feel like I still existed.

Then I got home and found out the person I care about is in the ER.

Like the universe really said, “Here, take this too.”

I’m so tired of being strong.

Tired of carrying things I never asked for.

Tired of acting like I’m okay when my head is soooo loud.

I’m not asking for answers.

I just want one quiet moment where nothing hurts.

Please be gentle with me. I'm trying my best to stay.

walked out, wandered to the corner, ended up at Jollibee.

forgot my spoon and fork — maybe ‘cause my mind was somewhere else.

halfway through eating, the tears came. tried to hold them back, but they won anyway.

later, went to the Korean Mart, bought ice cream and kimchi.

walked home. felt a little lighter. not okay, but better.

Nag queue yung friend ko for TJ's Con, ako una nag Mine sa GC. Then usapan pag nakuha na sakin ibibigay. I was struggling sending and receiving messages sa sobrang delayed ng messenger ko. So eto na nga super happy ako kase na secure na yung 5 tickets. Kahit yung ibang mga members sa GC na yun akala na sakin na talaga. Tapos nung na okay na messenger ko bigla sabing 3 nalang daw saakin since yung isang member sa GC nag PM sa kanya and even paid for it na daw agad.

Girl? Nakakawala ng respeto

Naghahanap ako nung specific merch then may nahanap na nag bebenta. I really thought na sa akin na yung isa since alam niyag naghahanap talaga ako. Then nag post siya for miners, nag Mine ako. Ako din yung una nag mine. Nag like pa nga siya eh, was waiting for the details nalang para maka pay ako hanggang naka tulog nalang ako sa pag antay. Tapos nag post pala ng panibago then iba na yung naka kuha nung mi-nine ko 🥺.