Conor Oberst on depression and songwriting (2000)
Q: Listening to some of your lyrics as well as some of the things said on that interview lead me to wonder if you consider yourself a depressed person.
Conor: Yeah. Depressionās been something Iāve struggled with my whole life. When I was a kid I was more of a thoughtful, sensitive type of kid and then in junior high I kind of left childhood and it started to hit me. Since then itās not miserable all the time but itās definitely something Iāve had to deal with. Iāve taken my fair share of anti-depressants and stuff like that. Itās definitely something that I go through periods of time where itās better or worse.
Q: So how old are you now?
Q: How does depression affect your outlook on life?
Conor: It colors everything. Itās definitely a sickness. When itās there and itās having its way with you it affects the way you look at things. And things that you should be more excited about youāre not and you canāt help it. Itās a huge part of my creative energies. They tend to go down that path which sometimes frustrates me because I hate to feel like Iām bringing people down or the bearer of bad news but at the same time I try not to plan out my songs too much. They sort of just happen in my head and if they stick around long enough I know I should just write them down.
Q: How has your depression affected your songwriting over the past couple of albums and the past couple of years?
Conor: I dunno. Itās definitely affected my life a lot so the type of things that end up coming out of my mouth tend to have that negative slant to them. I guess sometimes a happier song will sneak out and Iām always glad when it does. When Iām not depressed and I have the energy to be happy and do things, I usually donāt spend that time sitting in my room, playing guitar. Iām usually out doing stuff.
Q: Like what kind of stuff?
Conor: You know, just having fun. I donāt know.
Conor: Yeah. Exactly. I guess the times when I get really down is when I get more introspective and I want to be by myself and I usually turn to my piano or guitar in order to find some kind of consolation in everything. Maybe if I did spend more time on music when I was in up times then maybe Iād get some more up songs.
Q: Some more rock songs maybe?
Q: Well I like the stuff on Fevers and Mirrors so Iām not gonna complain. Do you find that school played a part in your depression?
Conor: My schooling did play a role but it wasnāt so much socially feeling outcast from my peers because I never really cared too much about that. I went to Catholic schools all my life and my departure from believing that I was a special individual created by God with a purpose in the universe and on my way to heaven and then realizing that Iām just a fucking molecule floating in the air played a big part. It just doesnāt matter.
Q: So what kind of anti-depressants are you on? You on anything right now?
Conor: No, I fuckin kicked the habit, man.
Q: Did you do it on your own or did your doctor take you off?
Conor: No, I took myself off. In January I guess. It was really bad. The last one I was taking was Prozac and I was taking big doses of it and I couldnāt remember like forty percent of the nights I was living because they tell you not to drink but thatās not really an option. So it came down to the point where you either need to not drink or you need to stop doing this because I had some pretty fucked up things happen. I passed out while we were playing once in Santa Cruz. We played four songs and then I just started laughing a lot and then I fell over on the drum set. Everyone was just standing there like, āIs this some sort of joke?ā expecting me to get up and then after a few minutes they were like āShowās over!ā Then this really kind girl picked me up. It was this house show in an apartment complex and she lived in a different apartment than where the show was going on. It was really scary because one moment I was up at the mic singing and the next moment it was four in the morning and I woke up in this strange bed. It was really fucked up, too, because her apartment was identical but the exact opposite of the apartment that the show was in so I woke up and I couldnāt figure out what the fuck happened. I had a couple of scary things like that happen and so I decided to stop. I can see the parts where it was helping me, but at least with that drug, the negatives were far worse than the positives and Iāve been doing pretty good. Iāve been keeping busy and change of scenery can do a lot.
Q: I guess I just find mental illness to be a very interesting and unfortunate subject.
Conor: Yeah, itās totally interesting. Playing the type of music Iām playing and traveling all the time, fuck, I mean the typical Bright Eyes fan that flocks over to talk to you is usually pretty fucked up somehow. So Iām doing a lot of case studies on people.
Q: What gets you through your days when youāre depressed?
Conor: I suppose what gets me through the days are my friends. Like when Iām sitting staring off into space they can say something to make me laugh or punch me in the arm and say āfucking snap out of it.ā As far as looking up to people, there are lots of musicians and authors that make me say, āWow, thatās something that I was thinking but I never knew how to say it and itās right there.ā I think thatās why art and subjects like this go hand in hand so much. Itās a way to console each other. To reach some kind of understanding.
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