100% honest, 100% me

Hi, my name is Emily and I am polyamorus.

Hi, my name is Emily and I love the idea of having one main partner but multiple side “partners” that aren’t significant others but function more as affectionate friends.

Hi, my name is Emily and once I got a taste of polyamory I felt so incredible and fulfilled I can’t even describe it further but it destroyed my partner and our relationship so much I fear I’ll need to give up polyamory completely for him.

Hi, my name is Emily and I love my partner so deeply but I don’t know now that I’ve tasted freedom if I can give that up.

Hi, my name is Emily and that last sentence scares me more than words can express.

Hi, my name is Emily and my type is tall, dark, and handsome but for whatever reason white boys drive me crazy in every sense of the word.

Hi, my name is Emily and I feel like an actual stalker but I don’t know how to talk to someone that may be ghosting me.

Hi, my name is Emily and I want two different men in my life but it’s destroying my partner and I’m heartbroken.

Hi, my name is Emily and I feel guilty because I’m not just heartbroken over my partner, but I’m heartbroken over needing to let the other guy go.

Hi, my name is Emily and I don’t know what to think because my religion teaches that polyamory is a sin and I’ve never felt more conflicted.

...

The last 17 months have been a whirlwind.

Month 1, Day 1:

We met in June. I was only 19 then and I was completely taken by surprise. I knew instantly that that was what Love felt like. It was electric but organic. Stuttering but comfortable.

We met at a house party and you were the first person I locked eyes with. While we stood on the edge watching everyone else get drunk, we started talking. Then we were sitting by the bonfire when you asked me if I’d like to go for a walk. I couldn’t believe I was the girl being hit on. By a CUTE GUY. ME. As we walked down the road you asked if you could play with my hair and there aren’t words to describe how cute that was. We kept walking and talking and it was as if I’d known you forever. It got to the point that I started telling you my darkest secrets and without missing a beat you started revealing yours. All of a sudden it was pouring rain, so we ducked under an awning at a little school we had stumbled across. The bench underneath was small so it pushed us closer. Then I mentioned how sensitive to touch I am and this beautiful childish twinkle came into your eyes and your smirk should have given away what happened next but I somehow was caught off guard when you started tickling me. My laughs infected you and as they consumed me you pulled me into your lap and held me in your arms until we could breathe again. As you stroked my hair I knew. This is what Love feels like. My heart stopped when you said you wanted to kiss me, and dropped when you said you didn’t feel right about it since we just met. I was speechless. This had never happened to me before. I had never been kissed. I’d never even been on a date. Eventually the rain stopped and we walked back to the party. My brain kept screaming “why didn’t you kiss him?!” Right as I was about to leave, you swiftly removed my phone from my hands, entered your number, and gave it back to me in one fluid motion. I was dumbfounded. We said goodbye and the entire drive home I was praying it wouldn’t be the last.