Blair W.🌻

i started this account in the middle of an abusive relationship and made myself a mini empire out of it with amazing people who have supported me through tears, laughs, and even me disappearing for months at a time. that was just over 3 years ago.

I’m trying to break my habit of missing you when I’m lonely… it really isn’t healthy for me. But then again, you aren’t healthy for me period.

They all want me, I don’t want to tell them that you still have me.

I don’t hate you, my sweet, silly, broken boy. I hate what you did and I hate that you weren’t sorry nor did you attempt to fix the shambles that are our love. I could never hate you though, even after the lies and disrespect. I still love you my sweet, silly, broken boy. And because I’m calm and forgiving you should be very afraid, either I’m starting not to care or getting ready to not give up on you. God, I hope it’s the first one.

I stayed by his side when he exposed himself to me, when everyone else had said to run and run fast. I stayed when the blazing fire burned my skin, when the “love” that he gave me killed me.

I’m starting to accept it for what it really is: you never actually cared.

I miss you. It’s that simple. I don’t know why I miss you because I’m starting to believe that the way I loved you was completely unhealthy… No I know that the way WE loved each other was unhealthy. But I still miss you, everyday all the time. Like we said forever and always…

Learning how to cope with… Everything, loving you, missing you, hating you, and regretting you. But most importantly I’m learning how to cope with neglecting to love me… Because through all of this I’ve suffered the most. I let me become unimportant and now I’m openly accepting the consequences.

I feel like this is different, like somehow someway we really are met to be together. That’s why my pain is so unbearable because I’ve had my heart broken by the love of my life and the trigger of my depression…

Love shows up unexpectedly, it goes away and it comes back again

You’re staring at him again,“ He sighs. “I’m not,” I reply. “Simply just gazed over in a direction and he was there.” “Then why was that look on your face?” “What?” I ask. “What look?” “You look a certain way when you see him,” He informs. “You look at him and it’s like you’re staring at some sort of galaxy.” “And?” He looks down. “You love galaxies.