it repeats in my head like a chant

it's been a year since we started. I still feel like we're strangers trying to make things work. but we're just too different. i don't know how he just doesn't see it. or maybe he does.

to cope, my mind keeps wandering to a future where ive finally left and im finally free again. i feel like ive only been miserable since we got together. there hasnt been a day when im not worried sick about our relationship. i dont know how much longer i can take this. i dont think i have been completely comfortable and rested with him at all.

i just want to overcome this need to please other people, to constantly seek for their validation. i think once i get over that, i will no longer care about this. leaving would no longer be a complicated issue. i will just do so easily.

i believe ive loved him as much as i could. more than my body could bear even. ive been losing myself in the process of trying to love him. i don't think love is supposed to be this way. i dont think im supposed to want to claw my skin off every single time i force myself to be okay with the things he says or does. but ive done everything that i could

i feel like i will leave this relationship worse than i ever did with my exes. it might take much longer for me to want to love again. honestly, i just wish i never want to anymore. i just want to be completely numb

This man will never prioritize me, will he