(prev user: psycho-doughart) Hi! I'm Dodie, a prevalent provider of doughboy art in this cold, cruel world. Other than that, this is a JTHM-specific blog made up of art, headcanons and other things I find fun. If you have any requests, REQUEST AWAY and maybe I'll DRAW IT. I MIGHT EVEN COLOR IT. WOW!! Characters in general on this blog belong to Jhonen Vasquez.
(as a forewarning, if you interact with my posts in any way but have 'proship/profic/darkshipper/whatever' in your DNI list, i will block you by default. it's fine if you return it if i interact with you, just don't make a big deal out of it. you don't have to announce it, just block me.)
hi i'm Dodie (pronounced dough-dee, what a surprise) and i'm your lovable jerk for the evening. so whatās up everybody y'all ready for this
Iāve been a JTHM fan for 10+ years now and I fucking love drawing. I have the directorās cut, probably have read it over 1 billion times, and I may or may not particularly enjoy the character Psycho-Doughboy. I mean there's no evidence for that, it's just a theory.
My not-JTHM-centric tumblr is LavenderSpirals!
Very, very uncommonly, I even write fanfics!
Also if for some reason youāre interested in my JTHM fan characters (which like, weird but bold move, thank you) feel free to check out my array of lil guys! I post them from time to time so if you follow me, they WILL crop up.
This is a simple, casual blog with one user behind it and everything I post will be treated as such. I post freely, I block freely, and interact with others slightly less freely (if you don't want me near you, just block me, its fine). I only tag characters, and I'll tag explicitly sexual things with 'nsfw'- but nothing else carries this kind of tagging outside of me yapping IN the tags, so keep all of that in mind if you decide to follow.
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hello! i'm really glad that my ask resonated with you but UGHā¦i keep rereading the ask i sent to you and even though i'm glad that i got a happy response from you i just can't help but feel like i didn't phrase myself as well as i could've. i'm not taking back everything i said, i just want to try and be a little bit clearer. i'll try not to make this massage as painfully long as the last one.
i think i should've clarified my own definition of asexuality. i don't identify as asexual myself nor have i read every single piece of literature about the topic, but as far as i understand it, asexuality is the very limited or the complete lack of sexual attraction to other people and probably to anything in general, including objects, characters, scenarios ect. as far as i understand it, sexual attraction ā the desire to have sex. sexual attraction is more like an urge which is different from a desire. have you ever had the urge to throw your phone or even yourself off of a high place that you were standing near but you actually had no true desire to really do it? you probably have, a lot of people have felt that way and so have i. that's what i believe an urge is; it's more like a compulsion. desire is more genuine; it's a genuine want and acceptance of something.
basically, sexual attraction is an urge, a compulsion, to engage with others/things sexually. sexual desire (the libido? the sex drive? i'm not sure if there's a more specific name for it) is a genuine want and acceptance for sexual acts with others/things.
they're two separate things which often overlap and influence each other but that can also be experienced separately, and i think that asexuality is where a person experiences little to no sexual attraction (sexual compulsions) but that doesn't always preclude them from experiencing sexual desires (wanting sex).
an example of the separation between these two different feelings and how some people can experience one but not the other is straight men who are questioning/confused and experiment with other men; they aren't attracted to their sexual partners but still genuinely wish to have sex with them regardless.
i believe that sex repulsion is a strong feeling of fear/disgust/uncomfortableness with the act of literally practicing sex. it's the opposite of sexual desire. sex repulsed people may also feel repulsed by seeing others engaging in sexual activity or even with the very thought of sex, but the main thing is that they don't wish to actually participate themselves.
sexual arousal is also different from all of these things. sexual arousal is a physical response, it's physical stimulation and it doesn't automatically mean that sexual attraction or desire is present (ex: rape can cause sexual arousal but that doesn't mean that it's attractive to the victim or desired)
ace-orientation is a spectrum with lots of grey and "true asexuality" (as i've seen some people call it) is on the far end of the spectrum. if a person experiences feelings of sexual attraction and sexual desires but they also have negative feelings around those attractions/desires (ex: shame, guilt, insecurity, embarrassment, trauma, ect) then, in my opinion, i don't think that they qualify as asexual, sex repulsed, or even grey-ace.
so, about johnny.
sexual attraction and sexual desire feel similar and usually go together and asexual people often lack sexual desire too, so these two things often get conflated by people or people acknowledge that sexual attraction and sexual desire are two different things but believe that if you lack one then you automatically lack the other. so when i see people say that johnny is "canonically asexual" it bothers me because i think that they mean that he is either, at least, sex repulsed (lacks sexual desire) or that he both lacks sexual attraction AND is also sex repulsed because they view attraction and desire as a package set ("get one, get the other. lack one, lack the other")
i can understand why people see johnny this way, and i'm fine with headcanons, it just bothers me when people act like it's a fact because Nny is more vague then that. calling him asexual like it's a fact JUST because he said that he wouldn't rape anybody and that he hates touching people at all and that he would straight up rip his own dick off--while, like i said before, ignoring everything else that Nny said at the same time about how he hates all forms of human emotion and intimacy and doesn't want to give into them and wishes that he could shut them off but can't--puts words in the creators mouth and most importantly it reveals peoples' lack of understanding of sexual attraction, sexual desire, asexuality, sex repulsion, the grey side of the ace-spectrum, and it ignores how mental health issues and even personal philosophy can influence peoples' feelings and whether or not they ever actually decide to act on them or not--because a person can even have normal sexual attractions and desires but ultimately choose not to act on them for some other reason, like personal philosophy (ex: "i think sex is morally wrong") or mental health issues (ex: "i'm attracted to this person and genuinely want to have sex with them but i have insecurities or traumas that are holding me back")
i think that it's possible that johnny could be asexual and/or sex repulsed but there's lots of room for other possibilities too. personally, i think it's more likely that johnny is just repressed and that his hatred of sex and sexual feelings are a result of his 100 unaddressed mental health issues lmao
(i really hope this helped you better understand what i was trying to say. maybe you already understood but i just get worried that i don't speak clearly enough. if you don't mind i'd like you to post this ask publicly as well. feel free to ramble as much as you want about what you think about johnny and his sexuality/relationship with sex, i'd really like to hear it. and please let me know if my understanding of ace-orientation is wrong)
OMG NO PROB ANON!! ššššš
i will post this ask without too many additional rambles on my interpretation... only because i just woke up and am unable to think properly lol
but i want your opinions knooown cuz i know exactly what you mean about how the fandom is DEAD set on assuming he is canonically ace, so it might be uncomfortable to comment on these things openly (because, as per any fandom way, the community can get... weirdly intense about these sort of things, regardless of whether its a civil discussion about a character or not). so LET ME BE YOUR VOICE... SOAPBOX.... THING.
personally i think every take on every aspect of the conversation 'Is Johnny The Homicidal Maniac an Asexual?' is the best thing ever, and i think that differs for everyone at least slightly... like tbh i share your opinion, but on a slightly more complex level it does differ, but that's because of my own view of asexuality and the greyness that surrounds it (again, from being ace myself)
either way i think we should be able to talk about funny murder man and his intriguing squeamishness towards his own cock & balls without Actually Getting Mad at one another lol
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hey! idk how often you check your inbox or respond to asks, so idk how likely you'll see this, but i appreciate these posts that you made talking about Nny and his sexuality/his relationship with sex:
it's kinda always bothered me when people say with certainty that Nny is "canonically" asexual, cause when i read the parts in the comic where Nny talks and sex and desire (not just including sexual desire but all human desire) it just didn't seem as clear cut as that like a lot of other people say it is. some people have this habit of viewing cartoon characters sorta like real people and using the same things that they know about how real humans work in order to understand how characters work as if they're always a 1-to-1 comparison, and i don't relate to that. so, i think that these people who say that "Nny is canonically asexual because he said he hates sex" (which could be true i'm not denying that's a possibility) do so because their viewing him through a "real world" lens, and their understanding of what asexuality is in the real world is that it's just when you hate sex for any reason and don't want to have it, or that it's when you lack the ability to feel sexual attraction to other people, which they acknowledge is different from wanting to have sex, but they think that the two are always a package set and if you lack one then you lack the other by default, which i don't think is true but correct me if i'm wrong. it reveals a limited understanding of acespec orientations, how you can want and not want something at the same time, and all the different ways peoples relationship with sex/sexuality can work and why.
in the moments where Nny talks about sexual arousal and intimacy and touching in general (i'm mostly talking about what he says to tess when she accuses him of being responsible for the murder/rape that it was later revealed that jimmy committed) he also talks about how all human desires are disgusting to him and how he doesn't want to submit to any of them because it makes him feel like a slave to base human instincts and makes him feel empty. we know that nny still has natural human emotions, like anger, loneliness, hunger, and that he still gives in to these feelings and the fact that he also hates these feelings and wants nothing to do with them doesn't erase them from his life; so why should we assume that his hatred of emotion and desire would erase his desire for sex specifically? when Nny is rambling about how he hates submitting to feelings and how he aspires to be emotionally cold but can't, why would he bring up sex and arousal in this mix if we're to assume that those type of feelings don't exists in his life and thus wouldn't relevant to mention when speaking about emotions that he wishes he could become cold to?
when Nny is speaking to reverend meat Nny tells it that if he begins to give in to desire then he'll take drastic measures to remove the source: "then i'll kill my stomach if i'm hungry, shut off my want if i'm lonely, rip off my genitals i'm aroused" he says. he's likely felt hungry and lonely before and the fact that he doesn't what to doesn't prevent that, why would it be any different with sexual desire? why would he even bring up arousal if he doesn't already feel it along side things we definitely know he feels?
my point is that people can want to have sex but also not want to have it. people can have sexual desires but hate them and want to resist them. simply saying "i don't want to have sex" doesn't tell us exactly WHY you don't want to have it and there can be more then one reason why. i think the reason why people assume that Nny is asexual or maybe just sex repulsed is because they think that people either LOVE sex and think about it and have it all the time or they hate it and have zero cravings for it at all, but it can be more grey then that sometimes. anorexic people don't want to eat but they also do. they still get hungry and they still have an appetite, but they also have negative feelings around those desires that hold them back. some people feel the same way about sex/their sexuality and i think when Nny speaks about sex and arousal and all that stuff he's vague enough for that to possibly be the case with him.
i think the best piece of evidence in favor of the "Nny is asexual and/or sex repulsed" theory is what jhonen said in that one interview where he said "I donāt think he has a sex drive and if he does it finds its way out through other means, mainly a knife through the flesh.". creators ultimately control their characters so if jhonen comes out and confirms that Nny is asexual and/or sex repulsed then that's it, but he hasn't spoken about Nnys sexuality beyond this interview and i don't think that quote even sounds very certain. "i don't think" and "if he does" sounds less certain then if he had said "he doesn't" and "if he did" which sounds more final. jhonen also said in that same interview right before that other quote "He's a coward and i think it manifests itself in many ways. One of them being the fact that's he's disgusted with sexuality.". i don't think people who are asexual and/or sex repulsed are cowards. calling them cowards implies that they can work towards becoming braver and change. i'm pretty sure asexual and/or sex repulsed people just are the way that they are.
it's hard to find people who agree with me on this topic and i'm kinda scared to talk to other people about this because i'm afraid of being called an acephobe. it's fine if people want to headcanon johnny as ace, i just have a problem with people saying that it's canon. i don't think that characters need to basically look right into the camera and flatly say "i. am. asexual." for it to be canon, writers can imply it enough to where it can be reasonable enough to assume it's canon and have it just be all but confirmed, but i just think that in johnnys case the evidence and level of implication isn't much. calling johnny "canonically asexual" just because he said that he's disgusted with it while ignoring everything else he said about how giving into emotion is a form of "slavery" and how touching "only reminds me of the emptiness" only makes sense if your understanding of sexuality and peoples relationship with sex is kinda black and white. it ignores things like insecurity, trauma, weird psycho-sexual complexes and other mental health issues that can make peoples relationship with sex/sexuality different just to place the spot light on asexuals.
also it's just pretty unlikely that jhonen was seriously thinking about acespec identities at all back when he was making JTHM. nobody was thinking about that stuff in the 90s.
well, whether johnny is asexual, sex repulsed or not i'm still going to make porn of him.
(if you don't mind i'd like you to post this ask publicly so that other people could see it and maybe i could get some people to see what i see)
UM WELL FIRST OF ALL ANON YOUR ASK DELIGHTS ME AND I'M SO GLAD WE SHARE COMRADERY OVER THIS VIEW ON THE MATTER BECAUSE YES YESSS YOU SEE IT YOU SEE MY VISION PERFECTLY I JUST dfHJfhJgHG HhgH AHGHGhgfgFGHfg
AHEM. anyways......
asexuality is a very fickle term and i don't think a lot of people want to acknowledge how fickle it is. because yes, exactly, a LOT of things can contribute to being asexual that aren't as black & white as 'they whole-heartedly enjoy sex vs they have literally no interest in it whatsoever'. there can be a grey area to it, and there often is.
i identify as asexual for a plethora of reasons. some of the contributing factors are that i am sex repulsed, and that sex repulsion very likely comes from a lot of trauma, as i have become subsequently LESS sex repulsed the more i've addressed the trauma and come to terms with it. in spite of this, i am still very much asexual, because whether that repulsion fades away completely or not, i am still not interested in having sex whatsoever.
Johnny... does not strike me as ace. he strikes me as repressed, and potentially traumatized. again, as you said, 'coward' is not how i'd describe someone who's asexual. it is NOT something one would need to overcome, and if they identify as ace, not something they'd feel the need to. i mean of course there's a lot of things in JTHM that have aged like milk, but i don't think Nny potentially being ace is one of them...
of course we have to address what i mentioned before, asexuality is fickle. there could be a multitude of reasons someone identifies with the orientation. some people are uninterested in sex as a topic and an activity entirely, some people are just repressed and find comfort with the label, even if it's momentarily. at the end of the day, the term asexuality refers to the attraction system, quote: characterized by experiencing little to no sexual attraction to others. which i can guarantee you a LOT of people who use the label don't even feel that way, exact and precise. it's EXTREMELY nuanced for any person who uses it.
but Johnny isn't a person. he's a character. a character with very little information surrounding him and how he functions, and a character that the creator has released barely even CRUMBS about in terms of that information. as much as i ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOVE ANALYZING THE HELL OUT OF FICTIONAL LITTLE GUYS, the fact is that we can only go off of the very sparse, very vague tidbits Jhonen has left us, and everything we've conjured is in no way canon.
so, yes, go my anon. make porn of that beloved maniac. never let anyone stop you ever. i will post this publicly and i 10000000% agree.
EPIC DARK TWISTED EVIL NNY BACKSTORY MOMENT THANKS
So I once had a weird dream that Jhonen revealed Nny's backstory somehow??? but like in an extremely hard to find ~lost media~ creepypasta sorta way. but it revealed a bunch of info of why Nny felt the way he does about a lot of things. Or something.
All I know is that it was pretty fucked up, so hereās some key content warnings that come to mind:
Child neglect, physical abuse, emotional abuse, heavy talk of hallucinations and potential psychosis, over-medication, sexual abuse (itās both child-related & incestual), self-harm,
and. well. itās JTHM, of course thereās murder in there................
It was about how as a really young child, Nny's parents were awful. Like real awful. namely his mom, who was actively abusive, but his dad was passively so because he was always on some extremely potent medication for his diagnosed mental health issues. However, the meds always made him placid and spaced out and just... like he wasn't really 'there', so to speak. So he was compliant and uncaring about whatever Nny's mom was doing. which was A Lot.
She was extremely rough in 'handling' Nny, even as an infant. Like outright dragging him around, or practically pulling his arm out of the socket if she lifted him up. She was aggressive in everything she did, and was extremely hot-headed, so every little thing ever had Nny on edge because at any moment she could be set off by something... and would take it out on him. Including whatever pent up problems she had going on in non-angry ways.
She was sexually abusive. His own mom would assault him, frequently, and at some point he just kind of accepted it. Well, I mean until his own mental illness started to really rear its ugly head (which was apparently hereditary from his own dad, hence why he was always on horse tranq-worthy meds).
So he pretty much 'met' Nailbunny, D-boy and eventually Eff in that time, but they didn't actually have names or specific identities, and they weren't connected to the wall monster in any way. They were just him, and they were a lot more muddled together. It wasn't three different voices on completely separate paths, they all just sounded like Nny talking to himself (at times even literally, heād mouth or speak their words as if he was speaking in place of them). A lot of it was intrusive thoughts, at least on the pre-doughboy ones...
Soon enough he'd start to hallucinate them visually, too. All of them would appear to him as bunnies. Regular bunnies, except they spoke in his voice. Heād see them hopping around his home and he would follow. They were harmless, though at times would say 'scary' things... but more in just a way of making conversation instead of actually telling Nny to do things.
Until they did start to do that...
As the voices became more distinct and solidified as individuals beyond only Nny himself, they also started to become a lot more stubborn, going as far as to turn their suggestions into straight up commands. Their softer child-like voices would become loud, unfamiliar, screaming at him.
And they wouldn't stop. He couldn't even get to sleep anymore, because the voices wouldn't stop.
They also officially started following him out of his home. They did before, quick little things said that heād hear in a silent classroom, or a tense walk down school halls. Or times not so quiet. Eff, especially, was seen as a āfriendā... He was defensive, he cared about Nny, even more than Nailbunny! Nailbunny was a lot more aloof, he was present and kind but he certainly wasnāt a go-getter. Unlike Eff, who was always whispering in his ear when mocked or pushed around by bullies, giving him the advice that they couldnāt hurt him anymore if they were dead.
They still didnāt have names yet proper, even when the harmless-looking bunnies would start to contort in appearance... but they sure had voices. Voices that were loud, voices that were incessant, and voices that were ceaseless.
Finally a Nny in his late teens took Effās aggressive advice beyond lighting objects on fire and lashing out at people (classmates and assorted adults alike). After an assault by his mom left him sleepless in his bed and noisy in his head, he pulled out a knife he kept under his pillow- one that was almost exclusively reserved for either harming himself, or small animals he brought home (many of which were rotting under his bed).
Instead of going after himself though, Nny crept into his parents' bedroom where his mom was sleeping and, as per Johnny The Homicidal Maniac ways: Stabbed her, repeatedly, until her entire body could barely be recognized as a personās. He then ripped her open with his bear hands and gutted her, which... revealed a barely developed fetus to pour out from the gore. When his constantly-dissociated dad stumbled into the room from all of the noise, Nny went after him too. After the onslaught, Nny essentially pickled the now supremely dead fetus in a jar.
Authorities only found out what happened like a couple weeks after the event because his mom had stopped coming to work, only to find their corpses where Nny left them, decayed and rotten. Nny was nowhere to be found.
Apparently after he killed his parents, the screaming voices had quieted down. They stayed quiet for awhile, but grew in volume until they became a cacophony again and again, only seemingly quelled whenever Nny killed what he perceived to be the 'source', namely other people. He grew terrified to go to sleep, thinking if he did he'd wake up back home, his parents and everyone else still alive and well- and his actions meaningless. So he avoided sleeping altogether... which certainly didn't help the hallucinations and other festering things going on inside of his head.
As a young adult on the run from the law, and no real friends to rely on, he found house #777 while scurrying around the city for a quiet place. With no one else there- yet the electricity and hydro working just fine, he stayed there. And at some point he just... started forgetting what happened, all the things that lead him there- and even himself, as a person and what heās done- almost entirely.
As the voices became much more distinct, he sort of 'designated' them into physical forms, i.e. D-boy and Nailbunny, because he wanted them out of his head the most. Mostly so he could have faces to put to the voices that seemed to have lost their visual forms, and it made him feel less alone... But also, again, to get them out of his head.
Nny did not want D-boy's constant berating and suicidal demands embedded in his brain, and he did not want the shame, guilt, and generally dissociation-inducing abstract nature of hearing Nailbunny- the closest thing he had to āhimselfā before his mind essentially began caving in from the wall monsterās influence. He was fine with Eff though, because at that point murder was just the norm for him, and thatās why Eff is considerably 'younger' than D-boy, because only later (like in the comic itself) did Nny decide to designate him to a more physical form as well.
He still has the fetus in the jar (as shown in-comic via āAbortoā), but he has no recollection of where itās actually from. He just knows it makes him uncomfortable so he avoids acknowledging it, despite it also seeming to form its own quiet voice, similar to the beginnings of the other three. He keeps it around, even though he doesn't know why. He keeps a lot of things around, even though he doesnāt know why.
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so i'm sprucing up a little document that's mostly copypasted from some rambles i once sent to a friend (i'm so sorry, Arsen) about a DIVINE VISION (supremely weird dream) i had of Nny's backstory. and i'm wondering if anyone would be interested in me posting that slightly less incoherent ramble here???
it took u a while to moot me on the fundashi blog smhmh /j - š
i literally keep forgetting i'm not an ask blog anymore and that i don't have to worry about ''''accidentally'''' reblogging posts here so i don't have to just Not follow other blogs rhghfghj
like that was just some weirdly rigid rule stuck in my head I HAVEN'T BEEN AN ASK BLOG FOR LIKE 5+ YEARS OR SOMETHING HELP
so i am now following 5 blogs instead of. one other very very dead ask blog. i will follow more. that is a threat
the idea that johnny might have a PHYSICAL transformation when hes in flusher mode is actually wild. Like hes already an unreliable narrator, and why would he even know that he becomes a tentacle beast anyway?
look all iām saying is that we know some Weird Shit happens with Johnny when it comes to his evasiveness from capture or even detection and it just gets even weirder when talked about from the perspective of Anyone Else In The Comicā¦ā¦
YESSSSS LITERALLY!! and i while ive always understood that the moose (wall thing) is altering reality so johnny is effectively unstoppable, i feel like i visualize it better now, like those found footage horror stories on youtube, like static sounds in your memory, live corruptions of video feeds, etc, so no one besides a select few even remember what johnny looks like š¤Øš¤Ø
also krik says johnny shot lasers out of his eyes which i was always keen to laugh at and assume wasnt serious BUT IM GETTING CONCERNED AT THIS POINT WHWVWH
the concept of him as a tentacle monster that has some level of electricity output is. UM
I FELT THE SAME WAY DSGHDghhg ESPECIALLY since Krik was apparently drunk so its like. that's just what HE saw. and that apparently Nny had 'removed a chunk out of his brain' so Krik, too, sounds like an unreliable narrator himself. and i always interpreted the last panel of that part just Krik getting jumpscared out of his flashback by the wall monster that immediately appears behind them the next panel- despite things seeming relatively calm the moment beforehand, like it 'lost' them, until it detected them via Trauma Brain Parasitism...
but the WHOLE THING going on with the wall monster is that it sucks things out of peoples minds and regurgitates it back at them as some twisted caricature of their own insanity so like?? god who knows. maybe Krik is misremembering in that moment JUST BECAUSE the wall monster is there (also now thinking about how much the victims in Johnny's basement might've been getting infected with splinters themself just like Devi... hmmmm....)
and also. like you said. Johnny absolutely would not recall becoming something like that himself. man's got the attention span of a fly, even if he could remember it, would he?
anyways the point is. i 100000% agree that we need some goddamn JTHM analog horror bullshit. and we need it PRONTO!!!!
hey so like how apparent IS it that whenever i draw Eff i am constantly struggling to decide whether to portray his eyebrows as really thin or portray him with no eyebrows at all and that the lines i draw are meant to be interpreted as just creases where his eyebrows WOULD be. cuz like.........
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the idea that johnny might have a PHYSICAL transformation when hes in flusher mode is actually wild. Like hes already an unreliable narrator, and why would he even know that he becomes a tentacle beast anyway?
look all i'm saying is that we know some Weird Shit happens with Johnny when it comes to his evasiveness from capture or even detection and it just gets even weirder when talked about from the perspective of Anyone Else In The Comic......