goading retribution

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if i look back, i am lost

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@idlephantasms
goading retribution

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
i never thought iâd see the day theyâd announce it i love life thank u lord

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Everything Before Us (7/7) - No Song In The World Could Say How Much I Love You
âAre you sure?â
âYes.â
âItâs a one way street.â
âDad, Iâm sure.â
âNo more bars.â
âThank God.â
âNo more women.â
âYou think I donât have my hands full as it is.â
âYouâre smiling. Youâre happy. You really want to do this.â
âDad. Why do you think I dragged you all here?â
âYou. Youâre smiling.â
âDAD!â
âSon. Youâre smiling. Youâve been smiling for a while.â
âYeah. Yeah I was.â
âOkay then. Youâre doing this.â
âYeah.â
âItâs not like no one knew anyway.â
âDadâŚâ
âGood luck son. I love you.â
âYou make it easy to say it. Dad. You made me believe in it. Thank you.â
âNo son. This is all you and this is all this here, your heart. Itâs braver than mine ever was.â
âI love you dad.â
âLove you too. Now go tell your girl.â
â
âBabaero.â
âPa. Hindi.â
âLasinggero.â
âPa. OA na yan.â
âSige na sige na. Inglesero.â
âAyun naman pala eh, Pa. Nageeffort nga oh. Nandito na nga forever eh.â
âKasabwat pa mama mo.â
âPa. Alam mo naman, mas nauna pang magkacrush si Mama kaysa sa akin.â
âHindi ba masyadong gwapo para sayo.â
âPA!â
âOkay okay, joke lang. Kaya lang anakâŚâ
âHindi niya po ako sasaktan Pa.â
âSigurado ka.â
âNa hindi ako masasaktan, hindi po. Na hindi niya ako sasaktan? Siguradong sigurado.â
âEh bakit ngayon pa alam niyo naman mahirapâŚâ
âPa. Mahal ko eh.â
ââŚ.â
âSobra po. Mahal na mahal.â
âMahal ka ba niya.â
âPa. Nasa labas o. Kumakain ng ampalaya na hinanda mo para sa kaniya. Ano sa tingin mo?â
âSige na nga, sa totoo naman⌠anak ko na din yan.â
âAlam ko naman Pa. Alam niya din. Kabado lang.â
âBawal pa rin matulog magkasama ha.â
âOo naman Pa.â
âSigurado ka.â
ââŚâ
âSabi ko na eh. Sige next time papaitan plus Ampalaya na.â
âPA!â
â
âJames?â
âHmm?â
âI love you.â
âLove you too.â
âJames.â
âHmm?â
âI love you more.â
âNaddieâŚâ
âWhat?â
âUgh, I love you to infinity plus one.â
âSabi mo yan ha.â
âI love you longer than always. I love you more until the end of the end. I love you and I think I will love you for the rest of my life, and all the other lives to come and all the other lives Iâve lived. i think I have loved you forever. And I know I will keep on loving you.â
âSobra naman yun love.â
âSo youâll go to sleep.â
âJames?â
âWhaaat?â
âLove you.â
âLove you too.â
â-
AND THAT IS THE END OF MY FANFIC CAREER LADIES AND GENTS! EEP THEY ARE OFFICIAL AND BECAUSE THEY ARE REALITY IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT I CAN WRITE.
THANK YOU FOR READING ALL MY STORIES AND TRUST THAT I WILL BE HERE TO EEP SQUEAL AND DANCE THE IRISH JIG BECAUSE JADINE IS REAL
8 Reasons Why I Love OTWOL
With only 2 weeks left to resolve all remaining issues and redeem characters (if the writers think itâs necessary), I still canât wrap my head around the idea that On The Wings of Love â popularly known as OTWOL â is on its final stretch. You guys might say âWhat the heck? Why are you so affected? Itâs just a show, for crying out loud!â but itâs not just a show to me (and perhaps to many others, too). I have never imagined I would be so hooked in this drama, let alone be expressing reasons why I love it, but it just happened. Thereâs a different kind of magic that only OTWOL can pull on people. And maybe this 8 reasons could help explain what kind of magic it isâŚ
Keep reading
Be a Team CLeah in this Team Clark world
Let me preface this blog entry by saying that I am neither Team Leah nor Team Clark. I am Team CLeah. If you have been following me for some time now, you would know how much I love these two characters and the complex and layered nature through which the writers have created them. Theyâre two of my favorite characters of all time. Also, choosing a side is unnecessary when I am rooting for their love story.
Keep reading
Just a Rant:
I havenât done this before. But like they say, thereâs always a first time for everything, I guess.
I know everyoneâs happy with all the happenings lately. I mean, who wouldnât right? Iâm happy, you guys are happy, and most importantly, THEYâRE happy.Â
After a trip to SanFo, a travel video, the new endorsement and the many many kilig bts from OTWOL, itâs no secret that these two have gotten closer.Â
If you donât see it. Then you might as well be blind.Â
Recently, thereâs been tweets. Tweets containing blind items talking about some girl, some boy, finally realizing stuff and shit. And obviously we know itâs them. (lol, like really, weâre not that stupid).
I get that these people are close to them. Some even their friends. Relatives. I get that theyâre just happy for them. But tweeting doesnât help.Â
In fact, in doing so, it goes against everything these two stand for and hold most important to them: Privacy.Â
Okay, fine, maybe they arenât together, who the fuck cares? Theyâre still entitled to have feelings, to feel things for each other, do things for each other. Things that donât have to be broadcasted live every fucking second a person with a twitter account gets a whiff of wifi.Â
Okay, fine, maybe they are, do you really think theyâd want someone close to them snooping their noses in their relationship? Something that (probably) just started.Â
As a fan, maybe Iâm just speaking for myself, if they are an item now, I want them to keep it to themselves. Itâs the least we can do. They put themselves out there for us, so much of their lives is out there. And yes it is their job, but like all humans, there are things that we like to keep for ourselves.Â
I just want them to be happy, man.Â
If they are together, let them be. Isnât it enough to know that they have a very deep regard for each other? Arenât videos enough? Arenât pictures enough? We donât need confirmation. Weâre not that stupid, we see it too.Â
The only thing this âconfirmationâ is gonna do is damage. Damage to them. Damage to their ârelationshipâ. Why? Because haters will think itâs promo.Â
How so, E? Well, OTWOL is ending, their concert is near, if you werenât a fan youâd think oh wow they got together JUST in time for all the big stuff thatâs happening, what a fucking coincidence.Â
And if it is true, that they are indeed something, it would just be sad.Â
For something as beautiful as their relationship to be tainted with the saying that itâs just a promo. For a feeling that deep to be said fake.Â
For christ sake, let them have it. Theyâve given us so much to be happy about.Â
Just saying,Iâm not blind, I know you guys arenât either, we can see it, feel it. I need no more confirmation of whatever it is that they have. And if it is confirmed, Iâd rather be left in the dark deciphering their little acts of sweetness and stuff. I donât want to take part of any enlightenment that would involve exploiting their personal lives.Â
Tama na yung nakikita ko, nararamdaman ko. Confirming it verbally, through social fucking media CHEAPENS the ENTIRE idea of the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to them.Â
Trust me on this. Let them keep it to themselves. Please.Â
WRITING HELP/CHARACTER
writing a bitchy character (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10)
writing a cocky character (1,2,3,4)
writing a emotion character (1,2)
How to play a hippie
Playing the quiet character.
Portraying the shopaholic.
Portraying a mute character.
Portraying a kleptomaniac.
How to play the stalker.
Writing distant, indifferent characters.
How to write a character who stutters.
Writing a character who is sassy.
A guide to playing a southern character.
Portraying characters with crushes.
How to portray a teen mom.
How to play a character who is mean.
How to portray a character high on cocaine.
Writing a character who is high on amphetamines.
Playing an efficient male character.
Portraying the asshole.
Playing a character who suffers from shyness.
How to play a mentally ill/insane character.
Writing a character who self-harms.
Writing a happy character.
Writing a character who suffers from night terrors.
Writing a character with paranoid personality disorder.
How to play a victim of rape.
How to RP a blind character.
Writing a leader.
Writing a character with Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Writing a character with depression.
Writing a character who is homosexual.
Writing a character with schizophrenia.
Playing a fe/male character.
Writing a character with Nymphomania.
How to write a worry wart.
How to write a character with HPD.
How to write a bad ass character.
Playing a pansexual.
Tips on writing a drug addict.
Tips on writing the pregnant female.
Writing insane characters.
Playing a character under the influence of marijuana.
Portraying a character with diabetes.
How to play a prankster.
Playing a character who has been adopted.
Portraying a vampire.
Playing a character with an eating disorder.
Portraying a character who is anti-social.
Portraying a character who is depressed.
How to portray someone with dyslexia.
How to portray a character with bipolar disorder.
Portraying a character with severe depression.
How to play a serial killer.
Writing a tomboy.
Playing a pyromaniac.
How to write a mute character.
How to write a character with an OCD.
How to play a stoner.
How to write an asexual character.
How to play a bitchy/vicious character.
How to play a character with HPD.
Playing a pregnant woman.
Playing the burn-out.
Writing a âniceâ character.
How to play a gentleman.
How to play a shy/introvert character.
How to play a naive character.
Playing characters with memory loss.
How to write a character who smokes.
How to write pirates.
How to write characters with PTSD.
How to play a character who isnât ready for sex.
How to play the geek.
Playing the manipulative character.
Portraying a character with borderline personality disorder.
Playing a character with Orthorexia Nervosa.
Writing a character who lost someone important.
Playing the bullies.
Portraying the drug dealer.
Playing a rebellious character.
How to portray a sociopath.
How to play a swimmer.
Portraying a ballerina.
Playing a promiscuous male.
Playing a character with cancer.
How to portray a bubbly character.
How to portray a power driven character.
How to portray the shy character.
Playing a character under the influence of drugs.
Playing a character who struggles with Bulimia.
Portraying a hippie.
Portraying sexually/emotionally abused characters.
Playing a character with asthma.
Portraying characters who have secrets.
Portraying a recovering alcoholic.
Portraying a sex addict.
How to play someone creepy.
Portraying a foreigner.
Portraying an emotionally detatched character.
How to play a character with social anxiety.
Portraying a character who is high.
How to play a strong, female character.
Writing a character with a hangover.
Playing angry characters.
Playing a character who is smarter than you.
Playing and writing autistic characters.
Portraying a trans character.
How to portray a dominant character.
Playing a character who is faking a disorder.
Playing a prisoner.
Playing the opposite sex.
Portraying a character who has PTSD.
Playing a character who stutters.
Portraying characters with Aspergers Syndrome.
How to play a depressed character who selfharms.
Portraying the âdumbâ character.
How to portray a lesbian.
How to play a blind character.
How to play a sexual assault victim.
Writing a compulsive gambler.
Writing a closeted character.
Playing a werewolf.
Writing a character with an addiction to sex.
Writing a character who is drunk.
Portraying a character who is British.
Playing a Brit.
Portraying a character with amnesia.
Playing heroes.
Portraying a witty character.
How to play an INTJ.
How to play a vampire.
How to play a character who is manipulative.
Portraying the natural born leader.
Portraying the character who is flirtatious.
Writing a nice character.
How to portray a character who has asthma.
Playing a character with ADHD.
Writing characters with anxiety.
Amnesia
Children
A Death Scene
Loosing Someone (2)
Old Persons
Physical Injuries (2, 3)
Sexual Abuse (2)
Fight Scenes (2, 3, 4)
Horror
Torture
How to Describe the Body Shape of Female Characters
Character Apperance Help
Words to Describe Voice
Body Language Cheat Sheet
Character Development Exercises
101 Character Development Questions
Art of Character Development
Introducing Characters
Characters You Need to Reinvent
Making Characters Likeable
Heros and Villains
Describing Clothing
Understanding Body Language
100 Positive Traits
Mental Illness in Writing
Conflicts and Characters
JOBS/HOBBIES
Actors
Ballet Dancer (2)
Christianity
Foreigners
Gamblers
Hinduism
Hitmen
Satanism
Smokers
Stoners
Taoism
Journalists
Vegetarians
LOCATIONS
Australia
Boston
California (2, 3)
England/Britain (2, 3, 4, 5)
New York
Prison
London
The South (2)
GENDERS
Females (2)
Males (2)
Transgender People
NAMES
Female Names (2, 3, 4, 5)
Male Names (2, 3, 4, 5)Â
Last Names  (2, 3, 4)
QUOTES
Song Lyrics Masterlist
Songs for Biographies
Favorite Quotes: TV and Movies
Favorite Quotes: Notable Authors
Favorite Quotes: Celebrities
Favorite Quotes: Popular Books (2)
Quotes From Songs
Character Quotes
Masterlist of Bio Lyrics
Masterlist of Bio Quotes
Masterlist of Song Lyrics
Biography Lyrics
A Masterlist of Quotes
+130 Quotes
SMUT
Smut Guide: Casual Sex
Smut Guide: For Beginners
How to: Write a First Time Sex Scene Romantically
How to: Smut - The Bare Bones
How to: Smut (For Virgins)
How to: Write Lesbian Smut
How to: Write Smut (2, 3)
How to: Write a Blowjob/Prepping for Smut
Smut Guides of Tumblr
Tips on Writing Sex Scenes
A Guide to Language in Smut
Domination and Submission
Making Love
A Smut Guide
KISSES
How to: Write a Kiss (2)
Different Types of Kisses
Writing Out the First Kiss
GRAMMAR
Placement of Speech Tags
Grammar and Spelling
Grammar Slammer!
American vs. British Grammar
HyperGrammar
Grammar Girl
Punctuating Dialogue
How to Use the Semicolon
Introduction to the Basic Rules of Punctuation
Comma 101
All About Dialouge
11 Grammar Tips
Comma Usage
Correct Use of Apostrophe
Proofreading
Transition Words
40+ Tips to Improve your Grammar and Punctuation
Better Writing: Grammar & Spelling
Semicolons and Colons
Underlining and Italicizing
Dashes and Parentheses
Hyphens
Apostrophes
The Ellipsis
List of 1000+ Adjectives
ART
painting tutorial
colour palette (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)
drawing clothe folding
avoiding drawing the same face
draw ice
anatomy help
free drawing program (1) (2)
sai brushes (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)
draw hair
drawing ref
dont know what to draw?
draw 3D room tut
drawing eyes
lip tutorial
how to draw jeans
how to draw arms
expression tutorial
drawing hair and fur
drawing cats
pose reference blog [its actually a blog full of references i-]
download photoshop
paint blood
color blender
draw hands
hands 2
photoshop help (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
remove backgrounds from images online
clouds
brush setting ref (SAI)
kissing refÂ
how to draw curls
realistic woman body ref
draw knees
draw feet
shadow help
male body
lips ref
contouring and highlighting
draw wings
change images using blur (PS)
gray
hat ref
glowing stuff
pastel colors
draw grass
eyeliner ref
Painting tutorial
Female/male arms
Kneeling + Sitting ref
Dragon head view tutorial
SAI brushes 86786
Drawing expressions
Sai Brushes 1
NGE colour palette 1
100+ colour palletes
Avoiding same face
Face contours/highlighting
free art MyPaint
Body anatomy help 1
How to shift images using blur in PS
Drawing clothe folding
How to draw ice
Colour palette 1
Colour palette 2
SAI brush settings 2
SAI/PS pixel brushes
Warm/Cool gray
Flower crown tutorial
Skin colour palette
Pink colour sheet
How to draw butts&thighs
The male torso
Drawing glowing stuff in SAI
Drawing horse/animal legs on humans
Drawing clouds
Muscular male with bow stock photos
Pastel colours
Drawing grass fields in SAI
Expressions&Legs
All about the human body
20+ colour palettesÂ
Colour conversion
Kissing ref
Creature designÂ
Colour meanings
Creating expression
Tutorial masterpost (100+)
Lineart
Canine
How to colour
Pose studies
Feline comparisons
How to draw penis
Leaf pressing
100+ anatomy referencesÂ
How to draw folds
SAI brushes 3
Sitting poses
Colour palette 4
Cloud painting
How to draw 3D rooms
Colour info
Colouring ref
Hair tutorial
Clothing ref
Bodies and poses
SAI brushes 5
Colour scheme designer
Folding ref
Heads&AnglesÂ
Paint tool SAI masterpost
Drawing ref masterpost (10+)
Hair+Fur
How to draw faces
SAI brushes 4
Anatomy of mutant humans
What should I draw?
Free art software
pastel colour ref
Mass art ref
Soft SAI brushes
ways to draw stuff
SAI brush settings
baseball cap ref
Penis ref
Drawing human wings
Cool free art software
Huge art ref
Colour blender
2 SAI brushes
Photoshop for freeÂ
MAKEUP
eyeliner
how to apply blush
how to draw eyebrows
ombre eyeliner
lipstick trick
the kitty eye ^.^
nude lips
smokey eye make up
what you need to know about beauty
5 of the best foundations
best powder foundations
quick foundation tip
how to apply liquid foundation
breaking it down
makeup highlights tutorial
blush for your skin tone
how to apply bronzer
how to contour your face
apply blush like a pro
blush according to your face shape
d.i.y. gel liner
get the perfect winged liner
get winged liner using tape
awesome eyeliner tricks
9 different eyeliner looks
different eyeliner styles
guide to applying eyeshadow
suit your eyeshadow to your eyes
glittery smoky eye
get the perfect smoky eye
a shade for every occasion
kool-aid lip stain
best lipsticks for blondes
hot red lips
how to get gradient lips
lipstick shades for fall
how to make any lipstick look matte
get soft kissable lips
long lasting makeup tricks
victoriaâs secret model tips
saving face
beginnerâs guide
when will it expire?
10 makeup tips from mac
best tips from professionals
18 beauty essentials
basics you should own
make-up brush tutorial
brush tricks
clean your makeup brushes
make-up brush guide
make up hacks
easy make up tips
BODY CARE
the runaway to gorgeous skin
winter dryness
acne foundation routine
wash your face correctly
how to wash your face 101
HAIR
messy bun tutorial
different ways to braid
three-braid updo
waterfall braid
how to fishtail
romantic curls
braid + bun updo
how to do pastel hair
8 ways to wear a bow
4-strand braid
braided bun
braided headband
dutch braid crown
pin curls!
how to contour
everyday makeup routine
lipstick using crayons
eyeliner ref wow
filling in eyebrows
banana facial mask (moisturizes)
strawberry facial mask (acne prone skin)
avocado facial mask (dry skin)
yogurt facial mask (sensitive skin)
list of oils to add to your face masks
already made masterpost :*
OTHER
sleep calculator
survive nature
rain
tumblr music
calming rain
need a hug?
like the sound of a coffee shop?
canât remember the name of a song?
the thoughts room
how to love yourself
upload anything from your iPhone etc. to your laptop
learn another language
make HUGE unpoppable bubbles
play some piano
draw a stick man and watch the story!
thousands of stars (you can zoom in/out and learn about them)
check if a username is taken (any site! twitter/tumblr, etc)
draws stuff as you move your curser
tell your thoughts to no one
play with cob web
make music with balloons
learn to play the guitar
learn to build a ship in a bottle
learn origami
learn some yoyo tricks
make your own stuffed animals
how to decorate iphone cases
make a candle
important things you should remember
how to kill your anxiety
how to help someone with their anxiety
look for literally any book you want (free)
waterproof your shoes
know what your emotion is
how to love yourself
ultimate writers resources masterpost
learn how to make punk edits without photoshop
dont know what to read?
learn a new habit
how to answer the top 35 asked questions when applying for a job
want to draw?
The quiet place
MOVIES
Giant Movie masterpost
Disney movies masterpost
Superhero movies masterpost
Movies for when youâre sick
Scary movies masterpost
Tumblr dedicated to finding movie links
When to pee during a movie
damn @jyooleh
As I scroll down my jaw just drops.THIS IS SO HELPFUL.Â

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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You Are My Sunshine
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
âJaaaames! Pack-up na daw!â I heard her say in a cheerful tone. I opened my eyes and found a pair of gleaming eyes staring back at me. My lips curved to form a smile.
People have said her eyes had always shined like that. Twinkling. Like stars.
Fair point, but âtwinkling like starsâ doesnât quite cover it.
Her eyes are my entire skies.
Oh, scratch that. That still sounded not enough.
She is my entire sky.
At night, when everything else turns black, she is the stars, giving you hints of light and sparks of hope. A constant reminder that there is something beautiful and worth looking forward to, even in the dark. She could also be a shooting star moving across the night sky. One in a million, beautiful to look at, and makes you feel like all your wishes could come true. She is a constellation, something almost unrecognizable and incomprehensible in a crowd of stars, but little by little you see little parts of her get revealed and suddenly everything else falls into place, âcause now you actually, finally see her, and she is so wonderful.
She is the sun. A big, ball of energy giving light to everyone she touches. She makes days brighter. She radiates a pleasant vibe that can send your insides into a frenzy and make you want to swim in endless currents of warmth.
Basically, she makes the world a better place.
And if she is the sun, I am the moon. Not because I depend on her for light the same way the moon doesâthe moonâs glow is astonishing in its own different way, and itâs not recognized as some mere reflection of the sun. The moon is the moon, and it puts people in awe of itâs mesmerizing light.
She is the sun, and I am the moon.
She is one major reason why I shine.
You make me happy when skies are gray
When I didnât answer, she snapped her fingers in front of my eyes and spoke, âOkay ka lang? Narinig mo ba yung sinabi ko? Pack-up na daw!â
âI heard you,â I replied, my voice almost a whisper. âI thought we had to film another scene?â
âOkay ka lang, James? Itâs raining really hard. OA sa pagka-hardworking ha.â Her voice was raised slightly especially on the last part.
Only when she mentioned the rain did I realize that it was pouring heavily. I think I was too focused on her that I forget almost everything. It happens frequently these past few weeks; that strange thing happening every time sheâs in the roomâthe whole environment falls into my blind spot, and sheâs all that I see.
âSo, why are you still here?â Not that I donât want you around. Just asking.
âMom went to the mall to buy something. Pabalik na daw. Hinihintay ko lang.â She closed her eyes and leaned back so that her head was resting on the pillow behind her. She was sitting on the reclining chair looking completely peaceful with her eyes shut and tight-lipped smile.
âJames, do you hear that?â she said softly. âItâs the sound of nostalgia. I really love the rain.â She swayed her torso from left to right, as if dancing to a slow song only she can hear.
She did tell me once that rain gives her happiness. Before, I thought it was weird because most people relate rainy days to sad, quiet songs and thinking about memories and people that you miss, but soon after I realized why. She is the sun, and she could turn gray skies into silver linings.
With my one hand tucked under my chin, I stared at her. She had stopped with the swaying, but occasionally she would wrinkle her forehead then let out sighs. âJames?â
âHmmm?â
âHow come you do not like the rain?â
âItâs not that I donât like the rain.â My fingers started drumming against my thighs. âItââs just that it brings out my sentimental side, and relive heartaches I thought were already irrelevant.â
Her eyes flew open and she gave me a full-blown smile. âSay, we change that now?â
âHuh?â
And before I realized it, she was on her feet and I was being dragged outside. We were under the rain. She let go of my hand and started running around with her arms outstretched the way kids do when they pretend theyâre airplanes. She looked up at the sky and I loved the way the crinkles and the creases on her forehead appeared every time a droplet falls on her face. I just stood there and couldnât help but smile at this.
âJames, gayahin mo ko! Look up!â she yelled, and water went inside her mouth. I laughed at what happened, but I did as she said.
The water was cold but it felt nice on my skin. I ran both of my hands down the length of my face, then through my hair. I stayed in that position for a while, enjoying the sensation of water droplets trickling down my face and my arms, until I felt a tap on my forearm.
I opened my eyes and looked down so I could see her face. She was smiling while staring at space. Her hand was steady on my forearm, and deep inside I was thinking of the best way to remove it from there without hurting her feelings, because I was dying to wrap my arms around her shoulders.
And then as if she read my mind, she withdrew her hand.
But wait, thereâs more. She inched closer and placed her head against my chest. She was very near; I was pretty sure she could hear and feel my heart hammering against my ribcage.
I slowly lifted my arm and as planned, wrapped it around her shoulders. I felt her body tense a bit under my grip, but as I rubbed my hand down to her elbow, she relaxed. She even started humming a familiar tune.
I racked my brain to recall what the song was. She kept singing with her lips closed and after a few second, I finally remembered.
It was Who You Love by John Mayer and Katy Perry.
My hand slid from her elbow down to find her hand. Her head perked up and she looked at me with questioning eyes.
âWanna dance?â
The smile on her face was already screaming, âYES.â
So I placed my other arm on her waist and started humming along with her. We waltzed, slow-danced, swayed to the rhythm of the song. She wore this big, toothy smile the whole time and I could not help but to return it with a genuine grin.
I raised our hands and she did a quarter-turn to the right. At the end of her twirl, we were face-to-face, and the thing happened againâeverything else faded out, and the world zoomed in to her hair, her eyes, her nose, her face. Her make-up had been washed off by the water, and her previously styled and curled hair was now plain and straight, but she still looked lovely.
âYou happy, James?â
Youâll never know dear, how much I love you
âYou have no idea.â I said as I slowly released her hand.
âGreat!â Her face lit up. My sunshine. âYou wonât be sad the next time it rains?â
I shook my head while smiling, âNo. Not anymore.â
The rain had slowed down into a drizzle. We were standing side by side, and I donât know about her, but I was having a hard time keeping my hands to myself. âRemember DNP? Yung eksenang-â
âBody heat?â I asked, my arms outstretched in front of me. She let out a giggle as she went into my arms. I snaked my arms around her waist and she buried her face in my chest while I rested my chin on her hair.
Please donât take my sunshine away
We stayed in that position for I donât know how long, and the whole time we were hugging, I was thinking of what I have in my arms.
This girl. My entire sky.
Some people might think Iâm already good without a partner, or Iâm better off with someone else, but I firmly believe Iâm my best and even better than that when Iâm near to her.
She is one major reason why I shine. I will never get tired of admitting that.
So,
Please donât take my sunshine away.
- Hi loves! Tried something new today. The song is You Are My Sunshine by Johnny Cash, I think. =)) Although the song is really sad, sobrang kilig ng chorus. Crossing my fingers, seryosong kinakabahan ako dito. Anyway, thank you so much for the tumblr, twitter and IG love! :â> One big fandom hug! :D
Happy Pill
We were on the set of My App Boyfie. The staff was still setting up, and Nadine went to get something from her car, so I decided to take a walk around the location. I ended up sitting on one of the park benches with a good view of the people putting up props.
âLiar liar, pants on fire.â
I tore my gaze off the people putting up the tripods and looked up to find Nadine standing in front of me. She had her arms crossed above her chest while her eyes gave me a death glare.
âI have no idea what youâre talking about.â It was an honest answer. I was actually confused; she was very lively before she left and suddenly she came back looking very mad.
âExactly!â She half-yelled while she pointed her index finger at me. âThat was my initial reaction when I read that you invited me to the Cosmo bash. I was like, buti pa yung internet alam nila na may invitation ako from you, ako walang clue!â
Oh. I bit my lip to conceal a smile. So that is why.
âDonât be mad.â I pleaded as I patted the space next to me. She just stared at my hand, pursed her lips and looked up. âAww, Nadz. Come on.â
Her face displayed a look of disgust while she said, âDefinitely your face. Tse.â
I let out a laugh and looked at her. She was still trying to avoid my gaze, her eyes landing everywhere except mine. Her arms were now akimbo, and while she was busy pretending like I didnât exist, I was thinking I never thought someone so mad could look this cute.
âIs it really a big deal?â
âEwan ko saâyo!â She stomped her foot and started to walk away but I grabbed her hand to pull her back. âDonât touch me.â she said in a calm tone. She tried very hard to break free from my grip, but she couldnât. I was never going to let her go just like that.
âLetâs talk, please?â I gave her my best humble, submissive expression. She just squinted her eyes at me, and I thought she wouldnât let me explain, but after a few seconds she sat beside me.
âIf this is what makes you happy, then, I am inviting you to watch the event. There.â
She let out angry throaty sounds upon hearing this. âEw, James, That sounded so insincere.â
âBecause I really donât want you to go.â
She buried her face in her hands before she tucked them under her chin, her elbows resting on her thigh. âI hope youâre aware that you are being such a jerk right now. Itâs so annoying.â
She leaned back and placed her hands on her thighs. I watched how her nose flared and the furrow on her forehead appeared when she said the last three words. My hands slowly moved toward her to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She leaned away from my touch and looked down at her interlaced fingers.
âNadine? Nadine, look at me.â I said in the softest way possible. Her jaws were set tight, and I bent my neck in every direction just to make her return my gaze, but she was tough. It seemed she had built this great wall of I-hate-you-I-donât-wanna-exist-anywhere-near-you to control her rage.
She looked furious and looked like she would explode anytime. âAre we really going to fight about this?â I waited for an answer, and when there was none, I stood up and bent my legs so that I was crouching in front of her. I placed one hand above hers and the other went to lightly push her chin up so she would look at me.
I heard someone gasp behind me. Must be one of the crews. Surprise and embarassment were written all over Nadineâs face as her head hurriedly moved from left to right a couple of times, throwing panicked glances everywhere. âI donât want you to go. I mean it.â
âBut why?â
âThereâs tooâŚmuch skin.â The words barely came out of my mouth. The real reason was still caught in my throat, and I was having a hard time trying to get them out.
She rolled her eyes at me. âGrabe ha. 20 na ako, I can handle that. Besides, Iâll go there to support you. And Seph.â
âAnd.. too many guys.â
âWhat the heck?â
âSee, I dont-Iâm not-ugh. Damn it.â I hated that my brain was not cooperating. My legs were already feeling sore, and I still have not proven my point. âI-just-â
For the first time in forever, she smiled. The tension in my chest died, and I felt my muscles relax. Just like that. Iâd like to believe her smile was therapeutic.
âI just hate the thought that youâd be looking at every guy thatâs gonna walk on that runway. If you go, Iâd get completely consumed with the idea that your eyes fell upon them before they even see me, and Iâd end up wanting to punch everyone in the face.â
I avoided her gaze by staring at the ground. After a few seconds of silence, she stood up. Sheâs still mad. Iâm doomed. But then my jaw almost dropped in surprise when her hands took mine and pulled me up.
âYou couldâve just said you were jealous.â
âI am not jealous.â I told her, although I was pretty sure I was.
âThere you go again.â She exhaled and smiled at me. âIâm not going anymore.â
âYes, perfect thank you!â I licked my lips and clasped my hands together, a bit hesitant to ask the question. But I asked anyway. âAre you still mad?â
âNo.â I heard the sincerity and honesty in her voice,and my insides sighed with relief. The heaviness in my chest was gone and suddenly nothing hurts anymore. Again with therapeutic.
I heard someone from the staff on our far right call out our names, and we headed towards them. I was wearing a big, goofy smile while we were walking side by side because 1) she was not mad at me anymore and 2) her hand was still holding mine.
On the night of the Cosmo event, Nadine was sending me a lot of texts. I was getting looks of curiosity from the staff and co-artists for I was sure I looked like a constipated man trying to suppress my laughter while reading them.
N: Good luck, jelly ace!
 J: Thanks, but I am not a jelly ace
N: *jelly bean
N: *jelly fish
N: *jelly roll
N: *jelly bee (yung endorsement ko HAHAHA)
N: Iâm good right? I could go on forever
N: Okay buhay ka pa ba?
I was having a hard time thinking of a comeback. I know behind that teasing, she was trying to calm my nerves and cheer for me.
N: Liking a lot of photos on IG. You should pay me 250 per like
J: I know you just like what you see, donât deny it
N: TouchĂŠ. Alright, I have to go now. Bbyeee
N: P.S. Do me a favor and donât come out wearing boxers. I swear to God Iâm gonna rip our contracts in two if you do that
N: Just kidding, but seriously, donât. Take care youuu
I smiled at her last SMS. What was the take care for? Itâs not like Iâm going to get injured or something.
And then the hole in the middle of the stage happened.
After the event wrapped up, I was attented to by the medics. I wasnât bothered by the pain on my arm but by my vibrating phone in my pocket. I took it out, and tapped the green icon to answer the call.
âJAMES. 18 missed calls. Iâm going to kill you.â
âIâm already injured and still you want to kill me? Iâm touched.â
âI know, thatâs how much I hate you right now. Are you okay?â She said in a concerned tone.
I looked at my injured arm and watched as they put some povidone-iodine on it. âYeah, Iâm good. Got a huge scratch, thatâs all.â
âNo broken bones? No fractured ribs or anything?â
âNope,â I said, popping the âp.â How many questions will she have to ask before she believes that I am okay?
âIkaw kasi, dapat andyan ako eh. Damot mo kasi. Jellyfish. Tas selfish pa. Isda ka talaga, James.â
I closed my eyes as my lips stretched to form a smile. I am starting to believe that everything about her has healing properties. âIâll see you tomorrow naman.â
âAnong see you tomorrow?â Her voice had gone a notch higher. âYou go rest.â
âI like it when youâre worried.â
âYou find pleasure in my pain?!â
âOkay, let me rephrase that. I like it when you worry about me.â
I heard her snort. âGood one.â A pause, then, âI have to go now, nasa taping ako. Rest well at wag ka magpapakita sa akin bukas, I am seriously going to kill you.â
She hung up before I could even protest that I wanted to see her tomorrow.
The next day on the set, just as I came out of my car, I heard a very loud voice from behind me saying, âAng tigas ng ulo!â
I held my arm in front of her. âLook, Iâm good! Iâm fine!â
âWhatever. I told you to take care, hindi mo sinunod. I said rest, hindi pa rin. Tsk.â She narrowed her eyes at me and set her lips into a thin line.
âWhat? I wanted to see you!â
âAs if naman pag nakita mo ko youâll get better. Haynako.â
I moved closer to her so that we were face to face. âOf course. Youâre my happy pill, Iâm pretty sure you could cure everything.â
Her face softened upon hearing that. She uttered, âOh, shut up,â but she wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my chest.
âOh yan, yakapsule.â she said against my shirt.
I was about to ask for a kisspirin, but then I thought, thereâs always next time.