RRORY HORRORY

I'm sorry I've been kind of dormant when it comes to drawing and posting lol, today is a sick reminder of someone I loved dearly that killed themselves exactly 6 years ago from now. I know this isnt the type of post I usually make, although I do dabble in ranting sometimes, but I feel I need to say this whether or not anyone sees it. My friend, who introduced me to fresh in the first place, killed themselves on this day, back in 2020. I remember falling asleep an hour before he sent the message to me and waking up to it wondering what I had done wrong. He hadnt shown any visible signs that he was going to do anything in that manner, but even the happiest of people can be suffering like that and the worst thing is you'll never know until its too late. I genuinely still cant fathom it to this day and its been 6 whole years. I've been falling stage after stage, starting over the cycle of grief every time it gets bad again and sometimes I truly think it was my fault, even though on the surface level I know it wasnt my fault. Thats what grief does to you. Its an endless cycle that you wont escape probably ever. It eats at you until something else happens, then the cycle repeats. I want you to know that no matter how bad everything might get for you, whether its on campus, at home, or just life in general, it always gets better. I was in the same boat not even a year ago, and I know what its like. Just know that you have people that love and care for you no matter how little that group is or how much you believe it. Your absence makes a difference in someones life, and you matter. I miss you every day. Every day since you left. I'm sorry I wasn't there and I'm sorry I was so busy all the time. I wish I could just see you again, even just for a second so you'd know just how much you truly meant to me even if you might not listen to it.