Untitled

It's funny how it goes from damn I have to know what is what and in time it changes gradually to you know what I don't even want to know the answer anymore!! Time can change your whole perception of a situation and how you feel about the out come. Loving a person and wanting to be with them doesn't fade with time but your self worth and not allowing yourself to want who doesn't want you is to strong of an emotion to overcome!! People are creatures of habit and tend to lean towards who makes them comfortable. It's normal behavior.

I honestly don't know what I am going to do or where I am going to go! I have lost the last person in my life that I know WITHOUT ANY doubt loved me and needed me! Now I find myself lost and alone! I never thought that I would ever end up where I am in life but here I am! My faith has been changed from a believer to someone who has a lot of questions about religion and God and not so sure anymore! I was pretending to be ok and strong for a while now but I was honestly barely hanging on to the last bit of sanity I had left! So now I'm missing Saige and I know that it's going to get worse just like it has been with losing my wife! If there is a God or higher power or science person who has the answers and knows what direction I am supposed to be heading maybe now is the time for them to show me! I'm open to anything ATM and only want to change for the better! If I am wrong for thinking that whoever is been behind this and isn't really evil well then I guess that I am going to face my fate here really soon because I'm done!

And still even though you tell a person that you have trust issues so don't lie to me about ANYTHING, what do they do lie like a rug about nonsense! So yeah I trust you fool! As if! LOL

I honestly couldn't careless about the identity of the one who is making me have to see something that hurts me as it did from the start of all this. And that is her with someone else and not myself! Yeah it sucks and it's still something that bothers me and always will honestly but that's not an open invitation for someone to use it like eeeapon against me for their own self satisfaction!! Like no matter who is responsible for doing so the devil, the all mighty himself, police, enemies, friends or whoever else it can possibly be, just know that I am NEVER going to be able to allow you to continue to do this disrespectful and hurtful bullshit without going against everything that I have been learning to do to control my anger issues and punch your ass in the throat for it! Jesus if it's you well you better duck bitch!! On my kids I'm not going to take that dumb shit anymore!! So continue if you want but just know that there is going to be consequences for your actions!! On God!!

As I have yet another short burst of memories about it all, I can't help but recall when she said to me , "Oh you a writer too"? I was like not really but I'm a reader who likes to dabble with creative writing from time to time. But I can only assume that the other person who is a writer is her person who she was leaning on for support and their plan of action that she so vividly asked for back then, is still her anon person right? LOL!

Just a quick suggestion to powers that B! Maybe just maybe tonight you could concentrate on maybe passing by and offer some therapy/consulting on my mental health issues instead of the hacking and other things that were used as weapons against me! I say this only because I am more on the struggling side than the needing y'all to be touchy feely! JS

If I have been as horny as I am ATam it would be a miracle! So what do I plan on doing next? The only thing I can do to make it worse lol! And nobody around to take care of the issue afterwards!! LMAO going to be a night to remember for sure!

I'm really really really trying to understand if you are still showing me pictures to get me mad, hurt more or just out of fucking amusement for you and whoever you are entertaining with the dumb shit? I know that it honestly doesn't matter anymore but it does to me and it's about to make me do things that I never could believe that I would do! But I guess it's going to answer questions for y'all about how much a person like me could possibly take before he snaps right? All for research purposes I'm sure! It's ok because karma is real and just like I had to pay so will you!! And that's satisfying enough to me!