Brown Eyes & Lungs Filled with Smoke

And do you think anyone in my life has noticed?

No. Not a single person.

Do you think anyone actually gives a shit about my grief and my overall well-being?

Not a fucking chance.

It feels like a lot of people expect me to be the same person. I've dealt with a loss every year for 4 fucking years now. Losing my grandparents was whatever, honestly. They were old. It happens. But losing my boyfriend? Losing my dad? The two most important men in my life.

How can I not change?

The world feels dark and so fucking hopeless.

Just because you are dead does not mean we are exes.

We never broke up.

It was the opposite.

You were about to propose.

You are not my ex.

We were VERY much together when he died.

Like I had to pick out his suit to wear in the casket. I have his keys and wallet. I had to pack up all his clothes and shit into boxes.

We were not and are not exes.

He is my late boyfriend.